


Think Again

by snatchim



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A lot of angst beware, Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Ballet, Bulimia, Bullying, Coming of Age, Depression, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut, dance, domestic abuse, explicit scenes, jikook - Freeform, kookmin, slowburn, taekwondo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:47:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 26
Words: 207,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snatchim/pseuds/snatchim
Summary: Jimin was sad knowing that he'd be leaving his best friend but it was for his own safety. He assumed nobody would hurt him after he left the hospital, he thought he was finally free when he left the orphanage, he was wrong. Jimin assumed just because he was doing what he loved and someone finally wanted him it was automatically a dream come true, it wasn't. Doing what he thought he loved began to ruin him and that someone turned all Jimin's little dreams into nightmares and all he could wish for was for someone to save him. Someone he never thought he'd see again, someone who wanted nothing to do with him.Jungkook never thought he'd ever care about anything other than his parents words in regards to what he'd do with his future, he met Park Jimin and all of that changed. They became inseparable and he fell in love... But then Jimin suddenly disappeared leaving him sad and angry. When Jungkook finally sees Jimin again he realizes Jimin is still the same hurting boy he once knew. The same boy that needed saving and loving, the same boy who still needed to be saved and loved. But was Jungkook willing to save him or love him... again? Or was his self pride and future more important than the boy he once loved?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while and it's not done yet, these are just a few chapters but I hope they're good so far! I was encouraged by one of my favorite jikook writers to post one of my works and I hope it's okay :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE READING: please review all the tags carefully and also note that this is merely a fanfic bc I know ppl are gonna complain, for example, “omg Jimin isn’t—“ I know, it’s just a work of fiction love lol. Anyways, I've been working on this for a while and it's not done yet, these are just a few chapters but I hope they're good so far! I was encouraged by one of my favorite jikook writers to post one of my works and I hope it's okay :) (also posted on wattpad & aff)

Jimin remembered when everything in his peaceful sweet life went wrong.

The day had started off good, he woke up smiling when he smelt his mom cooking breakfast downstairs, both his parents were also smiling as they drank their coffee and when they finally spotted Jimin's disheveled appearance they both busted out laughing at the cute and small chubby boy. They had breakfast and listened to Jimin go on about how he couldn't wait to go to soccer practice.

The practice that was about to change everything.

He was only 11 years old when he and his mom came home from his soccer practice that was cancelled because of all the mud that was left over from the heavy rain on the previous night.

The first thing they heard when the entered the home was the lewd moans and pounding coming from the master bedroom.

Jimin could remember every single detail even though it happened so fast -- The screaming, the cursing, the how could you's.

He watched a random woman who sported a bloody nose come running out his parents bedroom wrapped in a sheet and screaming about how his mother was a lunatic.

He was confused, did his mother do that to her? She could never! Jimin was _sure_ his mother was the sweetest woman ever. She couldn't even kill a fly, let alone give someone a bloody nose.

He was pretty sure of that until he heard it. The screams died down and the sound was loud and clear.

A slap.

Jimin eyes widened as he looked up from his spot behind the bedroom door. The slap was so hard his dad's whole face turned at the impact. Their eyes met and Jimin could feel the tears falling from his own as his father stared at him with a sad expression.

Why was his parents like this? He thought his parents were in love. They were always kissing and hugging and laughing with each other. They were the best parents Jimin could ever ask for. They always played with him and took him out to fun places. They made sure Jimin was happy, kept pure and didn't get exposed to violence and other cruel things.

So it was a surprise to see his own mother, the same woman that tells Jimin he isn't allowed to play video games with guns because they're too vulgar and the men said too many bad words, curse and slap his father.

"How fucking could you? In my own home! In my own fucking bed!" His mother yelled, her eyes narrowed and full of betrayal as tears ran down her beautiful round face.

Jimin didn't know when was the last time he saw his mother cry. What he did know was that he hated it. He hated that this woman who was always strong and too proud to ever shed a tear (like most mothers did) was crying.

He was sure his dad hated it too because he couldn't even find it in him to look her in the eyes as he spoke.

"I'm sorry--"

Jimin watched his mother slap his father for the second time that day. He could feel his own heart breaking as he turned away and ran to his room.

He tried to block out the screaming and the throwing and the hitting.

Yet it never stopped.

Jimin understood what cheating was because his mother reminded him everyday about how his father was a dirty cheating lying pig.

Jimin cried almost everyday as he watched his mother say horrible things to his father. His own father who just took everything in like he deserved it. Jimin was mad at his father for hurting his mother but he didn't believe his father deserved the kind of treatment he was receiving.

Jimin couldn't understand why his father never stood up for himself but when he thought about it he realized what could the man do? His mother wouldn't listen anyway.

Weeks passed and Jimin went to sleep every night in tears while he listened to his mother throw insults at his father. They didn't even acknowledge him anymore. It was like he was a ghost in his own home -- Though, It wasn't even much of a home anymore to be honest.

He'd have to make his own breakfast, get his own clothes ready, walk to school alone because his mom was always sleep and his father was gone before he could wake up. When he got back home nobody would be there.

He hadn't went to soccer practice since the day his father was caught and he missed his team so much even if he wasn't that good at the sport and often got teased. He at least still felt there and didn't get ignored like how he did at home.

Plus he had one friend. His name was Jeon Jungkook and he was two years younger than him but he was good at soccer and stood up for Jimin whenever he got teased. Jungkook often told Jimin that he wasn't his friend and that he was just doing what's right but when Jimin began tearing up Jungkook sighed and told him fine they could be best friends only because it made him upset to see the smaller cry.

Sadly, Jimin's mother told him his practices were the reason his father was able to cheat without her knowing and because of that he couldn't go to them anymore. Jimin began feeling like everything was his fault.

Jimin could remember the first time he woke up one morning and saw his dad still home for once; sporting a black eye, drinking his usual coffee at the counter.

He looked up at his dad who stared blankly at the coffee. Jimin didn't understand why his father could never look him in the eyes anymore or even talk to him at least. His mom said it was because he was a bitch but Jimin thought maybe his dad was scared he would treat him the way his mom did.

Jimin would never, and even though he knew what his dad did was wrong he couldn't help but miss talking normally with his dad. He missed when his dad picked him up, spun him around and hugged him. He missed when on the days he couldn't sleep he'd go into the living room where his dad would be watching late night television and join him. He would coo at Jimin and pat his head and then they'd share snacks and giggle about how beautiful his mother was. He always told Jimin to treat people you love with respect and kindness always. Jimin couldn't help but think maybe that was the reason why his father never reacted to his mother's harsh treatment, it was because he loved her too much.

But if he loved her why'd he hurt her?

He remembered blurting out everything he was feeling.

"Why was that women in our home!? Why did you hurt mom!? Why does mom hurt you?! Don't you guys love each other?! I thought people who love each other are supposed to be nice?"

His father who still couldn't reach his eyes mumbled. "Yes they are."

Jimin wanted to cheer because his father finally spoke to him but it still wasn't the answer he wanted.

"Do... Do you hate us dad? Mom said that's why you brought that woman into our home. It was because you don't love us anymore..."

His father sighed and finally looked at him. Jimin had never seen his dad look so bad. His face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot, he looked so sick...

"I don't hate you Jimin. I love you and your mother very much okay?"

"Bullshit. He doesn't love us. If he loved us he wouldn't have brought a whore into our home," her voice was hard and careless as she spoke.

Jimin could feel the tears pulling up as he turned to see his mother stand in the entryway of the kitchen. She didn't look any better than his father. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she hadn't shower or eaten in days.

He wiped his own face harshly because ' _big boys don't cry Jimin_ ' his mother always told him.

His father left the kitchen silently, leaving Jimin with unanswered questions while his mother took a seat on a stool and began smoking a cigarette. Jimin's eyes widened because he couldn't even imagine his mom smoking but here she was doing it right in front of him after she told him cigarettes were bad for your health and to never go near one or anyone who was smoking.

"Jimin."

He met her eyes wearily. He couldn't help but be afraid of his mother after seeing her hit his father so many times.

"Yes mom?"

She looked at him and her nose wrinkled in disgust. Jimin felt his stomach drop to his knees. His mother never looked at him with any expression other than love. She was always kissing his cheeks, calling him her cute little baby, telling him how handsome he was getting. Yet now she was looking at him as if -- _as if she hated him._

She shook her head and looked away, her gaze hard, emotionless, and now trained on nothing. "You look just like him. I can't even look at you anymore. You just disgust me too."

The tears that Jimin was forcing himself to hold in came pouring down his face as his lip trembled and if it was possible he could feel his heart crushing even more.

"But m-mom--"

"Stop crying Jimin-ah it's pathetic. It just shows how weak you are... We already have one pathetic man in the house we don't need another."

Jimin vowed from that day on that he wouldn't be pathetic and he wouldn't cry even when things got worse.

His mother began taking pills and started drinking heavily. He was happy his parents didn't argue anymore but instead just didn't speak at all. Not even to him. It was like he didn't exist. His father stayed in the bedroom unless he had work while his mother stayed on the couch for days without doing much. She'd just stare blankly at the TV and drink her life away. It had been a whole year since his father had cheated on his mother yet things still weren't the same and Jimin knew they'd never be.

He could remember the day he came home and the cops were there. They looked at him with such pitiful expressions.

His mother told him that his father killed himself. She told him that he jumped off the building because he hated himself and he couldn't live with his actions. She told him that his father hated him and her and left them here to be alone. She wasn't even crying and yet Jimin was bawling and letting himself cry for the first time after he swore he wouldn't.

His mother told him he was pathetic. Pathetic to be sad that his disgusting father was finally dead.

_Jimin swore that wasn't his mother anymore._

He could remember going into his room and seeing a piece of paper that said _'I'm sorry. I love you'_ and he knew it was from his father because the little coffee stain on the edge of the paper. He knew he wasn't pathetic from crying over his father but yet he still felt like it because now he had no one but his mother to make him believe that he that he was.

And although Jimin's dad stopped interacting with him he still silently took care of him, everything changed once he died though.

There was never any food in the house, He had to wash his school uniforms by hand and cut his own hair which was often uneven and the boys at school would make fun of him for it yet Jungkook was always there for him when they did. He always told him his hair was cute -- perfect. It made Jimin smile when he thought he would never be able to ever again. His mother was never home and when she was she never spoke to him since she was too busy doing drugs, fulfilling her company, or passed out naked and high somewhere.

There was always a strange man in his home when he got there. They were grimy, nasty, buff looking dudes that you'd see in an alley somewhere drunk, buying prostitutes, or fighting. They'd stare him up and down and speak nasty words to his mother who would just laugh them off. Jimin always went straight to his room to avoid their hungry gazes and to block out the sounds of them fucking his mother.

Yet there was some days he couldn't avoid them like on the weekends. Jimin couldn't go to school so he'd be hungry and he'd have to sneak out the room to find something to eat. He thought he wouldn't have to worry about running into one of those men since it was early in the morning but his house was a small two bedroom, one bathroom. He would run into one _eventually_.

When he finally did he was too busy looking inside the fridge to notice the big figure standing behind his small frame.

"Well you sure are a pretty little thing aren't you?"

Jimin jumped at the rough and sinister voice, he could _feel_ the smirk in it. He immediately closed the fridge and leaned back onto it. Attempting to get as far away as he could from the man who was _way_ too close for his liking.

It had been a whole two years since his father died and he was fourteen now yet he hadn't grown as much as other boys his age. He still had his big chubby cheeks that he often got teased about and even though he took dance in school and gained muscle not eating enough _still_ stopped him from growing right. Plus both his parents were small so it wasn't like he was going to grow much anyways. In this moment though, he never wished for anything more than to be big and intimidating so perverts like this would back off.

Jimin watched the man's eyes trail along his body as he stood there stuttering out something to say. He also wished he would have thrown on some pants but instead he was in his dance shorts that were way too short and had his thighs on full display. The short old t-shirt he was wearing wasn't doing any justice either.

"U-Um--"

The man laughed at Jimin's stuttering. Jimin wanted to puke because of how bad the guy smelt. He also couldn't help but notice how dirty the man's teeth were and how greasy his hair was.

"Even prettier up close. _Even prettier than your mother_. And those lips... I wonder how those lips would feel." The man spoke as he leaned in closer to Jimin who gulped and leaned back.

"Daesuk why are you messing with him? Leave his pathetic ass alone all he's gonna do is cry if you keep bugging him."

Jimin never felt more relieved to hear the sound his mother's voice than in that moment. He was happy she was finally acknowledging him and even though what she said hurt, he was still thankful.

The man, Daesuk, just cackled and backed up, letting Jimin scurry back to his room. Jimin didn't even feel hungry anymore and when he began to hear the sounds of his mom moaning and Daesuk's loud nasty groans he _really_ felt the need to puke.

The more he thought about what happened the more he realized he wasn't so sure that his mother would be able to stop one of her men if they were to do something to him and that thought _truly_ scared him.

-

"What's wrong with you? You've been quiet and you haven't laughed at anything I've said which is odd because you always laugh at everything I say so something has to be wrong! What is it?" Jungkook rambled suddenly.

Jimin looked up at said boy who was staring at him with furrowed brows and waiting for a reply as they walked home. He played with his fingers as he looked away, thinking of something to say to the doe eyed boy who always made him feel so protected even though he was younger than Jimin and technically Jimin should be the one protecting _him_.

"Oh um I'm just tired," he lied and Jungkook frowned knowingly.

"Are those boys messing with you again and you don't wanna tell me because I'll beat them up again? Or are you telling the truth and your mom is _still_ keeping you up with her friends at night?"

Jimin had a habit of telling Jungkook _everything_. He usually cried whenever he talked about certain things but recently he hadn't shed one single tear and it made him feel proud.

Jungkook though, had wondered why Jimin never cried anymore even when he knew the smaller really wanted to. For example, on the days the older got bullied Jimin wouldn't even let go of him until he was done letting out his tears. These days Jimin held everything in and told Jungkook he was okay when the younger clearly knew he wasn't.

He ended up asking Jimin about it and the older told him why.

_"I promised myself I wouldn't cry because my mother hates it and told me it was pathetic."_

Jungkook had just stared at him with hard eyes as he thought of a response. Once he thought of something good enough to say he finally told the fat cheeked boy, who often made his heart swell,

_"It's okay to cry. Everyone cries. You're not pathetic."_

Jimin giggled at how serious the bunny teeth boy was being. _"Then why don't you ever cry?"_

Jungkook often complained about his parents; about how they wanted him to be the best and how he was never good enough unless he brought home straight A's and Gold medals from all the sports and activities they forced him to do. His parents never let him hang out with friends or invite any over but it wasn't like he'd be able to anyways because he always had some sort of practice to go to after school.

Jimin understood why Jungkook was the way he was; angry and serious when he wasn't around Jimin. He was competitive and amazing at everything he did just so he could approve to his parents. Yet he never understood why Jungkook never cried because he honestly seemed so frustrated all the time and Jimin wondered why he never just let it out.

Jungkook smirked. _"Because I'm too manly to cry. Plus I don't have any reason to cry."_

Jimin giggled and slapped the younger playfully. Jimin was happy Jungkook showed his true self around him. Though, he couldn't help but wish he could be more like Jungkook and hide his emotions. Jungkook often told Jimin not let anyone get to him. He said he didn't even let his own parent's harsh words get to him or at least he did show it.

 _It was easier said than done,_ Jimin thought.

"Um yeah they got kind of loud last night but it's fine. And no I don't need you getting in trouble because of me anymore Kookie!"

Jungkook rolled his eyes as he kicked the pebbles on the ground. "C'mon Jiminie they deserved it!" The raven haired boy groaned.

Jimin laughed, "No I mean it. I appreciate you always being there for me but I don't want you getting in trouble by your parents anymore. They were so disappointed and they already don't like me as it is."

He could remember his parents scolding Jungkook after they left the school's office. Jimin was walking behind the family as they spoke harshly to the Jungkook, not caring that Jimin could hear them. He knew Jungkook was trying to tone out everything his parents were saying but he on the other hand found himself wanting to listen to what the younger's parents really thought of him.

_"Why are you fighting over this boy who's parents don't even care about him! If they don't care why should you Jungkook! The only thing you should care about is your skills! Not some boy!"_

_"We don't want you hanging around that boy anymore! He's a nobody that's just holding your potential back and making you appear like a savage who just goes around beating people up for the fun of it! If you wanna fight so bad do it in your lessons!"_

Jungkook's parents words made Jimin feel worthless. He knew Jungkook's parents didn't approve of him, especially how unruly his appearance was anymore. He never had new clothes or shoes these days unless he was given some by the school nurse (who he knew well because he was always in the nurse's office after he got bullied). But even the things the nurse gave him were hand me downs or stuff from the lost and found.

Jungkook's parents didn't like that their son hung around a boy who didn't qualify their "standards". And after they heard about Jimin's father committing suicide and the rumours about his mother whoring around town for dope they really didn't like him.

Yet Jungkook could care less about what his parents thought of Jimin. He still found a way to hang out with the cute chubby face boy who always hugged him and kissed his cheeks -- even though he complained that he didn't like stuff like that.

Jungkook sighed. "Fine. But if they touch you again I'll be at your school to beat them up again hyung!"

Jimin couldn't help but blush at the younger boys word's. He didn't know why Jungkook made him feel like there was butterflies in his stomach. He knew it wasn't right that a 12 year old made him feel like that. A _boy_ at that. He also knew it was awkward and embarrassing that a middle schooler had came to HIS high school and beat up HIS bullies. He knew he should stand up for himself but everyone was twice his size and Jungkook didn't mind using his martial arts skills on them. Plus he WAS actually their size and it gave him the opportunity to use his favorite cliché line.

" _Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"_

"Okay Jungkookie..." Jimin smiled adoringly at the younger who smiled back until Jimin leaned in for a hug which Jungkook pretended to hate as he groaned but then eventually wrapped his arms around Jimin anyways.

-

Jimin didn't know what he was thinking when he had expected Daesuk to leave him alone. None of the other men his mother brought home ever actually touched him so he thought he had nothing to worry about.

He was wrong.

It had been about a week since the scene that occurred in his kitchen and it had put him on edge ever since. He was so scared he made sure to keep his door locked at all times just in case. That day when he came home to an empty house he went straight to his room like always and locked his door. He listened to his mother come home and start blasting music. She had friends over and he could smell the cigarettes and dope through the door; It gave him a headache and smelt so bad that he had to pinch his nose.

Her and her company partied all night and Jimin couldn't get one ounce of sleep because of all the noise -- also because he had been holding his pee ever since he forced himself not to leave his room until they were gone.

Suddenly they began going on about a party somewhere and Jimin assumed they all left when he heard the music shut down and the front door slam. He cracked open his door and peeked outside. He saw no one in the living room so he ran to the bathroom to do his business as fast as he could then ran straight back to his room.

He closed and locked his door then turned to hop back in his bed but as soon as he looked up from where he was standing he was met with a figure sitting comfortably on _his_ bed.

Jimin instantly froze at the sight of Daesuk staring him down with that same sinister hungry look he had in the kitchen.

"Soft bed you got here..."

Jimin turned to run out the room but before he could even get the door open he was yanked back and thrown onto his bed so hard that he bounced and hit his head on the headboard.

He cried out in pain and scooted away from the man who was licking his lips as he watched Jimin with menacing eyes.

"What are you doing in my room? What do you want?! Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry for whatever I did! Just please leave me alone!" Jimin panicked, grabbing his pillow as if it would protect him.

Daesuk laughed and grabbed Jimin by his legs to pull him closer. He then hovered over Jimin who was trembling and covering his face from the smelly pervert above him. Daesuk just gently pushed Jimin's hands away. He then put his hand around Jimin's neck and held it there as his thumb caressed the boy's jaw.

"Maybe if you weren't so fucking pretty I wouldn't have to do this."

Jimin's eyes widened and he began to cry in fear. "Do what?! You don't! You don't have to do anything! I'm begging you please don't hurt me!"

Daesuk began leaning in so close that Jimin could feel the man's erect private on him. Jimin could also feel the perverts hot smelly breath on his ear as he began to suck on it. Jimin began to scream and protest in disgust until the hand on his neck tightened so hard that he couldn't anymore.

His legs started shaking and his chest began to tighten as black spots began to fill his vision. He started hitting Daesuk who stared down at him in amusement. "Do you think you're hurting me?"

Jimin could feel his face turning red as he tried to speak. "P-Please l-let...let me go!"

Daesuk's amusement turned into a cold hard glare. "Scream or hit me again and I'll break your pretty little neck."

Jimin nodded immediately and the man let him go. He was wheezing as he attempted to catch his breath while Daesuk began kissing down his face and towards his neck -- totally ignoring the fact that Jimin almost suffocated and was coughing up a storm.

He began ripping off Jimin's clothes until the boy was fully naked. Jimin had never felt so exposed in his life as he begged and tried to cover himself.

"Please! P-Please don't do this! I-I'm only 14! I'm just a boy!"

"A young and pretty boy just how I like em. Even more pretty without clothes... my my my look how beautiful these thighs are! I can't wait to feel how tight your little boy pussy is!" Daesuk growled as he slapped Jimin's hands away.

Jimim tried to block out the feeling of Daesuk's rough dirty hands running down his body, pinching his nipples and forcing his legs open as he licked all over his body.

Jimin cried as he was suddenly flipped over onto his stomach. He felt his ass cheeks get groped roughly before they started getting slapped over and over until Jimin was begging and tears and snot was running down his face. Yet he was ignored and his face was pressed into his pillows by Daesuk's hard and sweaty hand.

"You have an even better ass than your mom. I bet you'll feel even better around my dick too."

Jimin could feel himself hyperventilating as he heard Daesuk unzipping his pants.

"No no stop! P-Please stop--"

"I'm gonna fuck you so good don't worry you're gonna be begging for it!" Jimin could hear Daesuk spitting and then suddenly his ass cheeks were being pushed apart and Jimin was feeling the worse pain he'd ever felt in his entire life.

It hurt more than the bullies teasing and hits. It hurt more than when his father died. It hurt more than his own mother calling him pathetic and that... that hurt a whole lot.

And he was begging.

Begging for it to stop. He wanted his whole life to stop. He felt as if he was gonna die from the pain.

"S-Stop p-please stop." Jimin couldn't even hear his own voice. It was like he was drowning along with it.

"Fuck you're so tight!" Daesuk groaned as he forced the rest of his dick into Jimin's small trembling body.

Jimin screamed and cried. Yet nobody heard him and if they did, they obviously didn't care. They didn't care about the little 14 year old boy that was clearly in pain.

Jimin could smell and feel his blood running down his legs as he was fucked open and slapped around for what seemed like forever. When Daesuk finally pulled out Jimin thought maybe it was finally over... just maybe.

Hopefully.

He was wrong again for the second time that night as Daesuk grabbed him by his hair and forced his bloody dick into Jimin's small mouth. Jimin choked, his lips were stretched so wide they started bleeding, his head was forced down roughly and it hurt from how hard the older man was gripping it.

"Fuck! Look at those beautiful lips around my fat cock! You love it don't you!? I knew you would! A slut just like your mother!" Daesuk groaned as he pushed his dick down Jimin's throat and thrusted hard.

Jimin attempted to shake his head and protest as he choked on the salty and hot wetness that filled his mouth and covered his face.

Daesuk let go of Jimin who immediately spit and coughed out everything that was forced into his mouth. He then pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged himself as he cried and caught his breath.

Daesuk zipped up his pants with a satisfied smile.

"Well that was fun wasn't it pretty? Who knew you'd look even better after you've been fucked out? I just might have to come back for more... _I can't wait to stretch you out_."

Jimin cried, shivered, and shook at those words even after Daesuk had left his room. He couldn't even move because his body hurt so bad but he forced himself to the bathroom after he was completely sure Daesuk was gone.

He looked at himself. His eyes were swollen and red. His lips were cracked and bruised. There was blood and semen all on his face and some even in his hair.

Jimin had never felt so lifeless, so hurt, so _pathetic._

He couldn't look at himself anymore because every time he did he felt... disgusted. Yet all he could do was cry. He took a shower and scrubbed his body raw, yet he couldn't erase what was done to him. The bruises and fingerprints that imprinted his body would remind him of the pain and touches he could still feel.

_He never wanted to feel them again._

Jimin cried and cried until the water went cold and he forced himself out the shower. He limped back into his room and threw on clothes not caring if they were clean or not.

He then grabbed the piece of paper that his dad had left him with (which was hidden under his bed with the rest of his family pictures that his mother didn't rip up) then sat in a corner as he cried some more and angrily balled it up.

"How could you leave me here alone if you love me!?"

Jimin held the balled up paper against his chest as he clenched his eyes shut, hoping for the morning to come quick so that he could tell Jungkook what was done to him and hug him until he couldn't feel those nasty hands on him anymore.

When Jimin woke up he could smell the dope through his door, which wasn't an unusual thing to smell anymore even in the morning. He got up to press his alarm ignoring his body that ached even more today. Though he wanted to cry with every step but he pushed himself to get dressed so he could go see Jungkook.

He finally opened his bedroom door to go to the bathroom and was met with the sight of his mother injecting herself with a needle and Daesuk smoking a joint. Daesuk smile was wide and smug when he spotted him and Jimin could feel himself shrinking in fear as he looked away from the man petrified.

"Hey pretty."

His mother didn't acknowledge him even though Jimin was sure she noticed the marks around his neck and the big purple bruise around his mouth.

Jimin couldn't stop himself from breaking down in tears as he cried and his mother finally met his eyes. Her gaze was emotionless and the look of love he once saw were only in the pictures he had. She didn't even look like herself anymore...

"A pathetic whore just like your father."

Jimin's tear filled eyes widened at his mother's words. He stared at her bewildered. She knew what that man besides her did and she didn't even care.

He changed his mind. No pain compared to this. _The feeling of being unloved by your own mother_. He couldn't bare it.

So he ran, and ran, and ran until he couldn't anymore. Until he couldn't feel anymore, Until everything went black.

_He never got to see Jungkook._

-

When Jimin woke up again he was in a white room. As he began looking around he realized it was a hospital room by the way the monitor was beeping loudly which caused his head to hurt like crazy.

A nurse suddenly came running in the room and she gave Jimin the sweetest smile she could muster.

"Yay you're finally awoke!" She giggled and Jimin groaned at her high pitched voice.

"Oh my goodness how unprofessional of me I'm so sorry! You must be in so much pain!" She began to whisper shout, it still wasn't quiet and Jimin couldn't help but laugh at her but soon stopped when it began to hurt. The nurse pouted at him in pity.

"Um how are you feeling? Pain anywhere specific?"

Jimin nodded and tried to speak even though his voice came out scratchy and cracking in between.

"M-My head."

It reminded him of when he went through puberty earlier this year and Jungkook made fun of him because of his voice.

Jimin shot up at his sudden thought, forgetting all about the pain he felt.

"Jungkook! Where is Jungkook!?"

The nurse stared at him confused but the nodded in realization.

"Ahh Jungkook? Oh yeah the paramedic did say that a young boy had called them for you. He was crying so hard he couldn't even tell the medics where you guys were so they had to GPS him."

Jimin stared at her in shock, attempting to block out the throbbing in his head as he thought.

Jungkook cried? For him? But he never cried over anything and knowing that Jungkook cried over him just... it just made his heart swell.

"Is he here? Is Jungkook here?!"

She gave Jimin apologetic smile and shook her head. "No he couldn't ride with the paramedics since he was too young..." she clapped her hands once, _"But_ before you start worrying about anyone we have to get you healthy again okay? You've been sleep for two whole days, you were very exhausted!"

"Two whole days?!" Jimin exclaimed surprised. He often couldn't sleep very well at all!

"Yes Mr. Park you were really dehydrated and malnourished which means not eating properly. That can cause exhaustion and for you to passing out but your friend found you and thankfully you only suffered a slight concussion," A mellow voice suddenly spoke. Jimin and the nurse turn towards a tall woman brunette woman who wearing a long white coat and holding a folder.

"Hello I am Dr. Young and I hope you're feeling better Jimin- sshi. You may feel drowsy because we gave you fluids to replenish your dehydration. But if you feel fine we have lots to do today okay?"

Jimin nodded bashfully and blushed at the pressure he felt in his bladder. "I-I think I'm okay but um... I really have to use the restroom before I'm gonna be able to do much-- I mean if that's okay?"

Both ladies busted out laughing at the innocent boy who stared back at them with a small shy smile.

"Of course of course! C'mon let's get you up cutie," Dr. Young replied and Jimin blushed at the name but let her gently pull him up and help him go to the restroom.

Yet as soon he got up all pain shot straight to his bottom and Jimin wanted to scream at the reminder of what was done to him but he ignored it. He emptied his bladder then turned to wash his hands and finally get a good look at himself in the mirror. His usual sun kissed skin was really pale and the bruises on his skin were now yellowish-brown and fading which he was happy about. He knew the doctors were gonna question him about it regardless because they were still obvious but at least they'd disappear soon and he could try to forget. Yet now he couldn't stop thinking of what happened and what's gonna happen when he'd have to go back. He didn't even realize he was crying until he heard his name being called.

"Jimin? Jimin-ah are you okay? Can you please open the door."

He hadn't realized he locked the door either and he tried to remind himself he didn't have to do that here and he was safe for the time being. So he unlocked the door and gave the Doctor a repentant smile.

"S-Sorry I didn't mean to lock the door..."

The doctor just nodded and stared at the boy concerned. "Are you okay Jimin?" She asked softly and Jimin couldn't help the tears that came rushing out again.

"I-I...I don't want to go back! I'll do anything just please don't send me back there--"

"Okay first I'm gonna need for you to calm down okay? Then you can tell me everything alright?"

Jimin nodded eagerly and the doctor gave him a soft smile and motioned for him to follow her out the bathroom.

Jimin wiped his face and followed her back to the bed. The nurse was waiting patiently with a tray of food and some pain pills. Jimin got back on the bed and once he was given the tray of food by the nurse she waved him goodbye and left the two in privacy.

Dr. Young pulled a chair by Jimin's bed and took a seat, watching as the boy ate quickly.

"Slow down Jimin the food isn't going anywhere."

Jimin gave her an embarrassed smile. "S-Sorry I'm really hungry."

She giggled. "That's okay. I'm just worried your stomach might not be able to hold so much food and it might give you a stomach ache and nobody likes stomach aches right?"

Jimin nodded timidly at the sweet middle-aged woman and continued eating slowly.

Once Jimin was full and took the pain pills Dr. Young started going through her folder and began talking.

"Jimin I'm gonna asks you some personal questions okay?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what happened when you passed out?"

Jimin pursed his lips in thought and softly shook his head.

"I remember running then... I-I don't know after that..." he mumbled sadly.

Dr. Young nodded politely anyways.

"Do you remember why you were running?"

Jimin's throat clenched at the question. He didn't want to think about what his mother said to him but he knew he had to tell Dr. Young if he didn't want to get hurt again.

"Um...m-my mother called me a pathetic w-whore..." Jimin answered while he played with his fingers nervously.

Dr. Young frowned at what the innocent boy said. She wondered how could a mother say something like that to her own child.

"Do you know why she called you that?"

Just thinking about that night made Jimin's skin crawl. He could imagine the sweaty hands on his body as they touched and grabbed him roughly. The tears began to fall from his eyes again yet he didn't even feel them. All he could feel was those dirty hands.

"I-I... I just wanted to use the restroom a-and I didn't know he would be in my room w-when I got back..."

"Who was in your room Jimin-sshi?" Dr. Young pressed encouragingly.

"Daesuk... one of my mom's boyfriends."

"And what did Daesuk do when you got in the room?"

Jimin shook his head as he clenched the hospital bed sheets as tears filled his eyes. All the memories were resurfacing and it was like he could feel everything again.

"H-He told me my bed was soft and the way he said it was really s-scary so I turned to leave and h-he grabbed me really hard and threw me on my bed. I hit my head and asked him why was he in my room and what did he want from me and why was he hurting me b-but he just grabbed me again. I-I told him to stop. Then he told me I was too p-pretty so he had to and I was so scared because I didn't know what he meant. H-He just started licking my e-ear and I screamed but then he choked me and told me he'd break my neck if I did it again. So I tried not to scream because I didn't want to die! I promise I tried but it hurt... it hurt so bad!"

Dr. Young clenched the pen that she was writing with harder.

"What hurt Jimin be specific with me. You're doing a great job sweetie but I need to know everything. I want to help you okay?"

Jimin nodded and wiped his nose with a tissue that Dr. Young handed him.

"He... he ripped up my clothes... and told me... he told me I was pretty and beautiful while he touched me and I told him to stop -- I b-begged him to stop and told him I was only 14 and he told me that he liked them young then he said he c-couldn't wait to feel how tight my private was but instead of private he said a nasty word--"

"What did he say?" Dr. Young asked the now trembling boy.

Jimin shook his head in disgust.

"You can tell me it's okay..."

"B-Boy pussy..."

Dr. Young wanted to scoff at the perverts choice of words.

"Okay then what else did he do?"

Jimin let out a shaky breath before he explained.

"Then he flipped me on my stomach and held my face down so hard that I couldn't move. He..." Jimin grimaced in embarrassment. "He told me that my butt was even better than my m-mother's and then h-he spanked me and after he put his private in me even though I told him I didn't want him to d-do that."

"Did he use a condom?"

Jimin shook his head. "No... He just put it in and I told h-him to stop. I really did! He didn't listen to me and just keep pushing it in and there was blood s-so much blood. It h-hurt so bad! A-And he told me I was gonna be begging for it and that I even felt b-better than my mom! I cried and screamed but nobody was there! I can't remember how long it lasted but it felt like forever and I thought he was finally done because he took it out b-but then he put it in my mouth e-even though it couldn't fit but he made it fit. It hurt so bad and he told me that I liked it but I hated it! I hated it so... so much but he didn't care. He said I was a slut j-just like my mother. When he was finally done he told me he'd be back for more and that he couldn't wait to stretch me o-out. I don't want to go back! P-Please don't send me back when I'm better noona!"

Dr. Young shook her head as she looked at the broken and sad little boy. He seemed like such a good kid and didn't deserve anything that was done to him. Plus her heart clenched when he called her noona, it was absolutely adorable.

"Jimin, I would never send you back to that kind of environment. It's very unacceptable. We're gonna get you help and put that criminal behind bars. Then we're gonna send you to a new home where nobody will be able to touch you like that okay?"

Jimin nodded eagerly as his nose sniffled. He couldn't believe it! He didn't have to go back to his mom... which was something that he shouldn't be happy about but he was. He was ecstatic but then he thought about Jungkook. Jungkook was his best friend, his _only_ friend.

_Would he ever be able to see Jungkook again?_

"Will I ever see my friend again?" Jimin couldn't help but ask.

Dr. Young gave Jimin a sweet smile and ruffled his hair. "You'll make new friends! But before you start asking questions we have to go get you checked out okay?"

Jimin pouted and Dr. Young wanted to coo. "Checked out for what?"

"Well when you get sexually assaulted Jimin, we have to check for diseases and make sure you're okay, alright?" Jimin nodded timidly and she continued, "It might be uncomfortable but if you get it over now the faster we can put that perv in jail okay?"

"Okay..."

Once Jimin agreed Dr. Young led them to another room.

In that room he got his blood drawn and tested, he was stripped naked and it brought back horrible memories that made him shiver so bad Dr. Young thought he was running a fever. When she realized he was just scared and nervous she assured him that she wouldn't hurt him and he nodded. Then his mouth was swabbed and the worst part, she had to swab his anus to see if there was any left over semen and also check to see if there was any major tearing. Jimin ended up having an anal fission which was why he was in so much pain. The Doctor told him it was a small cut that should heal fast if he just put cream on it.

He cringed at the thought of putting cream...down there.

When she was done she made Jimin wash his mouth out then gave him a douche to clean himself out with in the bathroom. He felt embarrassed at what he had to do with the object and it burned a lot because of his injury but he was happy to get all traces of Daesuk off of him.

When he was done they waited on the results. And as they waited Dr. Young began to explain what was going to happen.

"Okay Jimin so we've already sent social workers to inspect your home and the condition of it was not of one for a child. There was no food, no essential necessities, the place in general was very filthy and there was many drugs which we had to inform police about. I'm sorry I'm just now telling you this Jimin but your mother _and_ Daesuk are in custody of the country jail for having drugs and being around a minor with it. It's only temporary so they could be getting out soon but Daesuk might get sent to prison once we find his DNA on these tests. I already contacted the authorities about everything when you were in the bathroom. They are undergoing test with him as we speak okay?"

"Okay..." Jimin nodded.

"And after we find out the results we might have to go to court but that's only if he finds a way to protest. But once we find out it's his DNA then whatever he says won't matter right?"

"Right." Jimin agreed confidently though he couldn't help but feel anxious.

"Okay now when that's all done and you're all healthy again you sir will be going to Seoul!"

Jimin's eyes lit up at that. "Seoul?"

It was South Korea's major city and his father had always promised to take him when he wasn't so busy. Yet they never got to go. Just thinking about that made Jimin emotional; he couldn't help but miss his father.

Dr. Young nodded with a bright smile not noticing Jimin's sudden mood drop. "Yes there's many orphanages out there and we want you to have a new fresh start does that sound okay?"

An orphanage? Jimin had heard lots about orphanages from the kids at school. A lot of the things he heard were really bad like the kids never got fed, they got beat, and that kids only went there because nobody wanted them.

"A-An orphanage?" Jimin questioned nervously.

Dr. Young nodded but the look on her face was suddenly full of sorrow. "Well since we couldn't find any other relative on your record we have to send you to an orphanage. But don't be worried they're not as bad as people make them out to be. All the bad things you've probably heard are just rumours. The helpers take really good care of the kids and the one we're sending you to has about 20 to 30 boys with lots of activities and fun things for you to do okay?"

Jimin nodded as Dr. Young gave him a reassuring smile.

Though the reassurance in her smile couldn't stop the worry at the pit of his stomach and the fear and torment he would spend his next few years in.

-

When the test results came back they found out Daesuk didn't have any disease that he could have contracted Jimin with which he and Dr. Young we're very thankful for. They found out Daesuk's DNA matched the one found from Jimin's anus and that was enough to put him behind bars for 8 years which to Dr. Young wasn't long enough. If Jimin were a girl the man would have been in there for far longer than that but apparently anal rape isn't as severe as vaginal.

It was utter bullshit.

They didn't have to go to trial because Daesuk couldn't afford a lawyer to fight the case, but even if he did have a lawyer they had proof so he'd lose anyways.

As for Jimin's mother she was let out of country jail after a week and when told about her son getting placed in the system because it was mandatory by state she told the social workers,

_"That pathetic son of hers could die for all she cared."_

When the social workers told Dr. Young what the woman had said and she had never felt so troubled. This innocent sweet little boy didn't deserve ANY of this. She would have taken Jimin in with her if she could but sadly she couldn't because she wasn't family and she wasn't married so she couldn't adopt him either.

Jimin ended up staying in the hospital for a week until his health was one hundred percent and it didn't hurt him to move.

During that week Jimin had gotten close to Dr. Young who chose to help him and up lift his spirits after he had traumatic nightmares about what happened. When she wasn't around he waited everyday for Jungkook to come visit him. He knew the younger was busy and maybe his parents probably told him he couldn't come see Jimin but even when they did forbid the boy Jungkook always found a way to him even if Jimin had to wait and wait and wait; Jungkook always came.

This time, he didn't.

Jimin wanted to cry when Dr. Young told him it was time for him to leave to Seoul. He wanted to complain about how he was still not feeling well enough to leave but he knew he shouldn't lie to the woman who took her time to get him better personally and even took a day off so she could ride the train with him. Plus it wasn't anyone's problem that Jungkook didn't want to see him -- or couldn't at least... and he'd just have to get over it.

-

The trip to Seoul was really fun for Jimin. Dr. Young decided to drive so they could have a peaceful journey and bond some more before they separated. They talked, sung, and looked at all the beautiful surroundings.

When they finally got to Seoul the buildings reminded Jimin of Busan a little but they were far more spectacular and it was way more city like. The remembrance made Jimin happy though since he didn't have much to take with him that would remind him of the city he grew up in. The only things he really had were his father's suicide note (that he regretted crumbling up), one family photo he saved, and a backpack filled with a few outfits that were still wearable. When Dr. Young saw Jimin didn't have much belongings (mainly because his mother sold everything worth a penny of profit for drugs and because the clothes that he had were outgrown) she brought him a few brand new outfits and shoes, which he was very happy about because he had outgrown his old ones and the one's he had on were his father's and they were way too big.

Dr. Young told him the orphanage would provide him with clothes but most of them were donated. But she still wanted him to have a few new things until he could get a job and buy his own things.

Jimin asked her why and she told him she just wanted to treat him for being such a good patient. Jimin was very grateful for Dr. Young and he told her how much he was with eyes full of tears. They ended up hugging in middle of the store and people stared but they both couldn't care less.

When they finally got to the orphanage it was a lot better looking than Jimin imagined it to be. He thought he would be getting sent to a facility that looked like they were processing things on the inside but instead it was more of a really big dorm.

"C'mon Jimin! The boys haven't gotten home yet and we need to get you settled in before they do!" Dr. Young smiled excitedly as she unbuckled her seat belt.

Jimin followed her actions and soon they were opening tinted glassed double doors and were being met with a lobby looking room. Jimin took in his surroundings, the room was white and very professional looking if you asked him. There was a long granite desk and a few chairs to sit in if you needed to wait for something.

There was a young man at the desk, he was writing something until he spotted them.

"Hello! You must be Dr. Young and Jimin-sshi!" He exclaimed as he hopped out his seat to greet them. He bowed and then shook both their hands.

"I'm Kim Seok-Jin but you can call me Jin." He directed to Dr. Young then turned towards Jimin. "And you can call me Jin hyung! I promise to be the best hyung I can okay?"

Jimin nodded shyly at the older boy. Jin was brunette, tall, broad with wide shoulders, and very handsome. Jimin was slightly envious at the older's charming good looks.

"I work here part time since I only have a few classes. Our main helper Minsu ajumma is getting Jimin's bed ready. I just finished talking to his new school and getting his bus station pass so you could start tomorrow!"

Dr. Young beamed. "Wow so soon!?That's awesome right Jimin?"

Jimin shrugged uneasily. "I-I don't know... I'm kind of scared."

Dr. Young pouted and lowered her taller frame so she could hug the younger boy.

"Aww don't be scared Jimin-ah! You're gonna have so much fun!"

"Yeah Jimin don't worry! The boys are little jokesters but there really cool. They're really happy about you coming since we haven't had a new boy since most of them were little kids," Jin added on.

Jimin smiled at that. Just knowing that the other boys happily expecting his arrival made him feel special.

Jimin soon met Minsu who was a small pudgy older lady with a cute gapped smile and greying hair. She told Jimin to call her ajumma and then explained the house schedule.

Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school, do any activity you please to join or hang out with friends as long as you come home or inform her if you weren't. If you do come home then you do your homework and study then you hang out. Unless! You have chores which she said was rare because she kept the place spotless. But chores was punishment if you're being a brat or get in trouble at school.

Jin told him he wouldn't like the chores very much because the boys were messy and Minsu made them clean while listening to her old heartbreak music. Jimin giggled as Minsu playfully nudged him.

Jimin was then shown the rest of the place. There was a door that led from the lobby to a really big lounge room that had a large all around sofa and a big TV with games and movies. There was also books and art material around as well. Jin explained there was no toys because all the 21 in total boys ranged from ages 11 to 16 and claimed they were too old for toys. Jimin was shown the bathrooms and the three main rooms which we're divided by age. Jimin was placed in the second room where six other boys that were from ages 14-15 slept. His bed was the only non bunk bed and it sat right next to the window which he was very pleased with. He was given a toothbrush, pajamas, and school uniforms that were much nicer than the ones he used to wear.

After he was settled in it was time for Dr. Young to start her long drive back home. She tried not to cry as she told Jimin how much she'd miss him.

"I'll come visit okay?"

Jimin nodded as he blinked the tears that were forming away. "Don't forget me okay?"

Dr. Young's heart ached at that. "I could never forget someone as lovely as you, Jimin-sshi!"

When she finally left Minsu gave him a welcoming hug.

"The boys can't wait to meet you!"

Yet when the boys got there the happiness Jimin saw in their eyes as they rushed inside disappeared soon enough.

Minsu and Jin introduced all the boys to Jimin. The boys bowed politely and were all really sweet _initially._

Things started going wrong when Jimin was in the living room learning about all the boys who seemed to be really close with each other. He couldn't help but feel left out and hope he'd eventually get closer to them as well.

They asked him questions like where he was from, how old was he, etc.

"If you're 14 why aren't you really tall yet?" A younger kid asked wittingly and the other boys began laughing.

Jimin blushed as he thought of a reply. "Oh I don't know... maybe because my parents are both short I guess."

Some of the boys gasped and others stared with wide eyes. That's when the serious questions started rolling in.

"You remember your parents!?"

"Why are you here if you know your parents!? That's so unfair none of us know our parents!"

"What happened to them did they die?"

"Well my father did not my mother..." Jimin spoke quietly and unsure.

"Did he die recently?"

"Did you get took away or something because your mom couldn't care for you after your father died?"

An older boy laughed, "She probably didn't want him."

The others joined in.

"Why didn't your mom want you?"

"Is it because you're short?"

"Are you annoying or something?"

Jimin was getting overwhelmed at all their questions and the memories that were resurfacing in his brain.

Luckily, Jin came to his rescue and told the boys to give Jimin some space.

Yet it didn't stop there.

Most of the boys couldn't learn to accept Jimin because he remembered his parents and they thought it was unfair since they all grew up here and none of them remembered theirs.

Not only that but they started teasing him because of how he looked and began telling him reasons why his mother didn't want him. Some of the things they said were really hurtful and made Jimin want to breakdown and cry but he just kept strong, ignored it and thought about things that made him happy like Jungkook.

He truly missed Jungkook.

He knew if he were here he'd save Jimin from all the bullying. Yet he wasn't here and Jimin had to live with that. He just had to keep ignoring them even though it got harder and harder ever day.

Jimin couldn't help that all the boys in the house, even some of the younger boys were bigger than him. He couldn't help that he had girly features like his eyes, lips, butt -- which he mostly got teased for.

The older boys words mainly got to him. They'd say vulgar things while the younger boys were just immature and said dumb things, that still hurt, just not as much.

The older boys would make fun of how short he was and call him fat to the point where he was self conscious and put himself on a strict diet. They'd spread rumours about him at school so that he barely had friends. They told him he was gay because he did contemporary yet he never quit because dancing was a stress reliever and the only thing that brought him happiness (besides Jin and Minsu who were always very sweet to him). They told him his butt was too big for a boy and he was probably taking it up the ass since he was gay anyways. Jimin knew he wasn't taking anything "up the ass" but he couldn't tell himself he wasn't gay because he had came to the realization that he wasn't attracted to girls _and that slightly worried him._

The younger boys just did things to irritate him. Like stealing his food or clothes. They never called him hyung which was already disrespectful but even worse they called him noona instead.

One of the younger boys had even ran in the bathroom when Jimin was naked one day and they saw his private. Soon enough Jimin was getting teased for his dick size as well.

He knew he was small but it wasn't his fault, he told himself. He was born that way!

He tried to tell himself everything they said to him didn't matter, what they said wasn't true.

Yet it got worse.

The teasing had already turned into name calling and the name calling soon enough turned into pranks and eventually the hitting.

Jimin would often wake up with food or some type of substance on his face. They'd wet or rip up his homework. They'd make him shower last when the water was cold.

Some days they'd put a pillow over his face when he had nightmares and then laugh at how terrified he became when they finally stopped. Jimin forced himself not to sleep most days because he didn't want to risk almost suffocating. Yet he always ended up asleep somehow and when he was finally sleeping peacefully they'd slap him to wake him up in the morning or throw stuff at him.

Years went by and It just got worse and worse.

Until Jin found out.

Jin was in the living room helping a younger boy with his homework when he began hearing what sounded like someone pleading _'stop'_. It was coming from down the hall and just as he was about to get up to check, some of the older boys came running out from the hall laughing hysterically. Jin attempted to ask them what happened but they were already out the dorm.

He made his way down the hall and saw the bathroom light on. As he was going to flick it off he found (now sixteen years old) Jimin on the bathroom floor. His hair was covered in white substance that Jin didn't even want to guess what it was, his face was covered in Minsu's make up, and his shirt torn open. His eyes... Jin felt his stomach churn when he saw how wild and petrified the boys eyes were.

What made him even more disgusted was the word fag that smeared across his cheek in lipstick.

Jim was boiling on the inside for not knowing about any of this. He knew the boys liked to tease Jimin and he usually thought it was really cute and meaningless but now he was aware of how bad it actually was.

Jin ignored his anger and instead helped Jimin who was shaking excessively into the shower, the smaller didn't even protest and instead was thinking about what just happened.

He had been in the bathroom trying on Minsu's lipgloss just because he was curious as to how it would look on him, yet as he was doing so one of the older boys unlocked the bathroom and busted in. He stared up at them wide eyed as the boys own eyes immediately trained on the tube of lip gloss in his hand and then to his lips.

He busted out laughing, " _No way_!" and then calling some of the other boys. They locked the bathroom door and Jimin backed into a corner.

_"Playing with makeup like the little bitch you are?"_

_"Dude look at his lips he actually looks like a fucking chick!"_

_"I bet if we give him a full face we can imagine him as a girl and get off_ ," one laughed and the others agreed.

All of a sudden he was grabbed roughly and they started smearing more make up on his face. They were laughing hysterically as Jimin pleaded for them to stop. One of the boys pulled his pants down and pressed it close to Jimin's face.

_"Does this turn you on faggot?"_

Jimin clenched his eyes shut as he shook his head. _He felt so dirty..._ and he didn't want to rethink about why he felt that way -- what was done to him once _again._ So instead he just let Jin wash him up.

"C'mon let's go for a walk," Jin spoke softly after he had dried him and dressed him.

As they walked downstairs the younger boys saw how angry their hyung was and looked away. Jin didn't utter a word and proceeded to take Jimin out for ice cream and then walk to a nearby park.

Once they sat at a bench he asked the younger which boys did that to him and Jimin just shrugged.

"It doesn't matter. What they said was true. I'm... I'm just a f-fag hyung."

Jin frowned deeply and turned to stare hard at Jimin who was looking down at his ice cream conflicted and ashamed.

"So you like boys Jimin-sshi?"

Jimin's flushed at Jin's straightforwardness. Why was saying things so easy for him?!

"Well... I-I like them more than I should I guess... I know it's wrong hyung but I can't help it..." he explained full of shame.

Jin sighed happily and threw his arm around the younger, noting the way he flinched; it made his blood boil.

"Jimin it's okay to like boys. I like boys too." Jin chuckled when Jimin looked up at him with wide innocent eyes.

Jin knew what Jimin was going through mentally; He was once in Jimin's place but he learned to accept what he liked and he hoped Jimin would be able to as well.

"It's called being gay or homosexual not a _"fag"_. People will just call you that just to get under your skin or to hurt you since as you know many people here in South Korea aren't very accepting of it. BUT a lot are and won't judge you. I'm telling you it's natural, okay? Some boys just like other boys and we can't help it. We might get a lot of criticism but other people's opinion don't matter just your own okay? So don't call yourself names and put yourself down because others do."

Jimin didn't know what to say to Jin. This whole time he had been in the dorm he had looked at himself with disgust as he thought of all the sickening words the other boys said about gay people.

Every time he caught himself staring at another boy he had felt the need to rinse his eyes in bleach because he thought it was wrong and unnatural. He had wondered why couldn't he look at girl like that, why was it just boys he was attracted to?

But Jin telling him that it was okay made him feel better about himself. He hadn't realized tears were running down his face until Jin hugged him tightly and he felt the wetness against the older's shirt.

He couldn't stop himself wondering why he deserved such a great hyung.

Minsu didn't know what was going on right under her nose either so when Jin came in the house screaming at all the boys and demanding to know who hurt Jimin she was very confused.

Jin made Jimin tell her in full detail what happened as he continued yelling at the very intimidated boys who were all huddled in the living room -- games completely forgotten.

The boys had never seen Jin so angry in their life. He was usually always so kind and understanding. Sure they saw him catch an attitude from time to time but right now he was furious. Even Minsu was surprised.

"If you knew I liked boys too would you have treated me like that as well?! Your hyung who has been with you for all these years! Would you have treated me differently?!"

All the boys were silent as they watched their hyung with wide and surprised eyes.

"WOULD YOU?!" the boys immediately began shaking their heads and mumbling out no's.

Jin had been at the orphanage with his aunt ever since he was little. His parents had died and he was lucky to have an aunt like Minsu to take him in with her even though she was already busy running an entire orphanage by herself which she chose to do when she found out she couldn't have kids. He spent his whole life here bonding with all the kids and watching them grow up. And even after he graduated and started living on his own, he still came to see them.

Jin shook his head in disbelief. "I don't know who any of you are... I can't believe _my dongsaengs_ would do something _so_ cruel to someone who experienced the same thing they did at one point. Whether you guys remember it or not he didn't have anyone JUST LIKE YOU. And for you to treat him like that when you're so alike... _it's just sad_."

With that Jin walked out the room his shoulders tense and face stone.

Minsu was appalled when she found out what the older boys did to Jimin. She scolded them as well and took all their things. She told them she raised them better than that and the boys couldn't even look her in her eyes.

She tried to get them to apologize since there was nothing else she could do to them but Jimin told her it was fine.

An apology wouldn't change the hell they put him through. You could say he was being dramatic but everything they did made him feel so... so unwanted and so low about himself.

And as much as he tried not to, at the end of the day he still found himself believing some of the things they told him.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since Jungkook was a kid he was known to be too serious for his age. What most people didn't know was that he wasn't born like that, but raised. He was raised to always keep a strong head, never look weak, and too be the absolute _best._

It was expected seeing that his parents were very competitive South Korean state champions that were well known in their time.

His mother being majorly skilled in archery once held the title as top five best woman in korean archery; While his father mastered taekwondo and even became the second finalist at one the Summer World Olympics. Though he had won an amazing title it still wasn't good enough for him and since he had injured himself during the fight it stopped him from being able to fight how he use to. Therefore he couldn't redeem himself and this is where Jungkook came into the picture.

They were very serious in what they did thus the reason there were so hard on Jungkook. They wanted their son to be just like them, his father especially.

So they put him in multiple sporting activities and clubs as a child _just_ to see what he had potential in. They didn't care whether it would be fun for him or not they just simply wanted him to be able to enter into the Olympics one day just like his father but instead of silver he'd bring home gold.

The pressure was hard on Jungkook but it wasn't new. Ever since he was a baby his parents were hard on him. Whenever he would cry his parents would just let him until he broke out of it and learned that he wouldn't get anything by crying. He was also never babied or played with like other kids his age and it caused him to be really sad and angry growing up. He never got a chance to experience toys and games because he was _expected_ to play a sport instead. He went to school and was also expected to ace _everything_ then afterwards he always had some type of practice to attend. He became so busy he didn't even have time for friends -- _which was quite depressing because what nine year old doesn't have time for friends?_

Well at least he was told and thought he didn't have time all until he met Park Jimin.

_Park Jimin._

The name just made Jungkook feel warm and giggly on the inside -- _he hated it_. He hated that this cute, small, and chubby boy made him feel a certain way. He hated that he didn't understand _how_ he felt.

All he knew was that he also _hated_ how the people on his soccer team treated the small boy. Jungkook was only nine years old but he knew the difference between right and wrong and the way the other boys treated Jimin was wrong! Sure the boy sucked at soccer but he didn't need to get called names and pushed around because he did.

Jimin got teased everyday and usually Jungkook would mind his own business but the parents gossiping and the coach helping other kids obviously didn't seem to care about the boy crying (and maybe it just made his little nine year old heart ache by seeing the smaller break down in tears -- but that was besides the point) _so_ Jungkook took things into his own hands and told the boys to pick on someone their own size.

Everyone was shocked, even Jimin. It was probably because Jungkook tended to not speak at all _to anyone,_ usually because he was too focused at the sport and not on the other kids immature antics and jokes. Yet they still respected him since he was the best on the team and called him cool even when he didn't join in their playfulness. Also he was pretty imitating and they didn't want to get on his bad side.

The shocked boys left Jimin alone without a word and said boy attempted to thank Jungkook and tell him he was really sweet for doing what he did but Jungkook brushed him off and went back to kicking balls in the goalie.

Jimin was oblivious to Jungkook's obvious cold shoulder and still attempted to talk to him until the younger snapped at him and told Jimin They weren't friends just because he helped him. What Jungkook didn't expect was for Jimin to start crying again, his big brown oval eyes full of fat wet tears.

It made Jungkook angry for some reason. He hated the fact that he was the one that made this cute chubby faced, long side burn haired boy cry. He ended up giving in to Jimin and surprisingly they became best friends.

Jimin began bringing out sides of Jungkook that he didn't even realize he had in him. Jimin made him feel like he could be himself. Jimin didn't judge him like his parents and instead praised him even when he made a mistake. The older made him smile and laugh, something he didn't do at all when he was at home with his parents.

Jimin told Jungkook _everything_ about himself and Jungkook soon _knew_ everything about the smaller (even the things Jimin didn't tell him). From his thoughts (crazy and inspiring) and personality (optimistic and bubbly) to his actions (shy, cute, and affectionate).

He even found himself telling Jimin about his own life. About how his parents were, about his own thoughts and dreams and future -- the future he told Jimin he wanted him to be in always.

Soon enough they were inseparable and Jimin was _all_ Jungkook could think about. The _only_ person Jungkook could stand, the only person Jungkook actually _wanted_ to be around.

When they were together there was never a dull moment; they were always laughing and smiling. Jimin made him a better person and showed him that he didn't have to be a certain way, like the way he was around others -- around his parents.

His parents expected him to be this focused, hard faced, mature and tough kid who didn't let his emotions slip.

Though he was only human and they inevitably slipped from time to time, _especially_ around Jimin. But he'd didn't care about that; he didn't care that Jimin saw the real him, because he wanted him to.

Eventually he _only_ cared about Jimin.

In fact, he thought nothing would ever come between them. He never _let_ anything or anyone come between them even if he often got talked about because of it; Because of the fact that he was friends with a boy people tended to dislike just out of spite.

He ended up becoming very protective over Jimin and was with him whenever he had a chance since people tended to bully and tease the older. Jungkook didn't understand why people had to bully Jimin or just in general, _he hated it_ , he hated the way people treated Jimin just because he was himself. He wasn't a follower and he didn't like things just because others did. Jungkook loved that about Jimin, he loved that Jimin was himself; small and sensitive. He just hated that the way Jimin was _always_ made him so... vulnerable.

He wasn't strong minded like Jungkook was. He cried and let people get to him. It was to the point where Jungkook _wanted,_ he truly wanted to hurt _anyone_ that caused physical _or_ emotional pain to the older. He became so attached to Jimin that even when Jimin was going through rough times and his own parents forbade him from seeing the older, he still found a way. Even if it meant having to lie to his parents.

So could you see just how much Jimin affected his life? Could you imagine how confused, how sad, and _how angry_ he was when he found Jimin lying bruised and unconscious on the ground where they usually met up in the morning to walk to school.

Jungkook rarely cried.

The only thing that made him cry was when he got super frustrated at his parents words which was rare or if his own actions weren't satisfying -- that was also rare believe it or not (He was pretty confident in most things he did)

But... when he felt himself breaking down at the sight of his best friend, he knew then and there that he _loved_ Park Jimin.

And did you know how heart breaking and upsetting it is to have someone you love just disappear from your life?

Jungkook had assumed Jimin would be okay once he called the ambulance. He _thought_ Jimin would get better and then tell him who hurt him so he could kick their ass. What he didn't expect was for Jimin to just go away.

He hated that he was too busy to go see Jimin when he had the chance. He hated his parents for not letting him see Jimin because to them his future was far more important than _that boy._ They told him Jimin was just using him because he had no friends and because Jungkook was dumb enough and willing to be to friends with a disgrace like him. They told Jungkook that he was pathetic to actually be friends with someone like Jimin; Someone who didn't care about himself and just let people run over him. They told Jungkook he was gonna be just like that. He was just gonna let people run him over and that he'd _never_ amount to anything in life.

Their last statement stung the most and the words came directly from his father's mouth.

Jungkook wanted to show them different. He wanted to show them that he wouldn't end up like that and he _would_ amount to something one day, he _would_ be something!

He wanted them to regret their words about him. By doing that he became focused, even more focused than he already was.

He told himself to never break like how he did with Jimin. He promised to never get that close to anyone ever again. To never let anyone know him, the _real_ him.

He forced himself-- he forced himself to forget.

To forget the laughs.

The hugs.

The innocent pecks on cheeks.

The tears.

By doing that he began taking his training even more serious; He was already skilled in many sports but the main one he wanted to excel in was taekwondo. He wanted to prove to his father especially, that he'd be something -- that he'd be the best. Better than him at least...

It was his goal, the _only_ thing he cared about. So he began focussing just on earning his Black belt and taking the classes he was already in _even_ more serious.

He wasn't that good at first and would often get his ass handed to him, which led to more criticism from his parents; his father especially. It made him _angry_ , so angry, but he couldn't do anything but force himself to do better and work even harder.

He'd have his normal classes and still go home or to the gym to train even more. He was training so much that he didn't have time for things kids his age did like hanging out with friends, partying, and getting girlfriends.

And although he was well known from all the sports he did (and for being really handsome apparently) and had lots of admirers; boys and girls, all he cared about _still_ was proving his father wrong. He could care less about what other kids his age were doing.

With time and training, he became so good that his parents began entering him in matches and even though he lost a few he still gained popularity in Busan for being so advanced in Taekwondo for his age (He was only 16 and already had a black belt). He was so good that he got a scholarship from the Arts and Sports university in Seoul which he accepted but decided to start once he finished high school.

Not only did he want to finish high school but his parents told him he wasn't ready. They told him that he wasn't good enough to go to Seoul and that there would be people there who were way better than him and way more advanced than he was. He wouldn't admit that their words got to him and instead acted like they didn't and simply forced himself to continue training harder.

So he could do the best that he could.

So that he could be the _best._

Yet the only thing stopping him was the innocent chubby cheeked boy he still couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.

-

Jimin couldn't believe it... He was finally graduating. He had anticipated a while now for this day to come and it was finally here.

The last year had been a very stressful one for him since he had to push himself to work harder in school if he wanted a scholarship for the dance university he was interested in. Not only that but he also had a part time job at a local bakery just so he could have money saved up for school supplies and other future living necessities.

Surprisingly after what happened between him and the older boys of the orphanage, He ended up becoming even more withdrawn.

The boys hadn't bullied him since what happened with Jin and he didn't feel the need to want to fit in with them anymore and instead chose to do his own thing.

Though he was still the same short, awkward, stuttering when shy Jimin; Just a little bit more independent and mature.

He became really close to Jin in the last two years and he related/looked up to the older a lot, since they were both orphaned and gay. Jin always made him feel welcomed when they were together and he _really_ appreciated it.

Even as he went to collect his diploma and all eyes were on him, making him feel nervous _but_ once he saw Jin in the crowd with Minsu screaming and clapping it made him feel way better.

Jimin hadn't prepared a speech and simply bowed and collected his diploma. He was happy to get out this school were he spent most of his time as an outcast, a nobody. His whole high school life he kept to himself, until he met Jung Hoseok: a fun, happy kid who was in his dance elective. He wasn't sure if they were on friend level but he was really nice to Jimin and treated him like everyone else. Plus they even got into to the same University and Hoseok was really happy about it; Jimin took that as a good sign.

When he got off stage he began making his way towards Jin and Minsu until he was pulled into a hug.

"I told you I wouldn't forget you didn't I?"

Jimin gasped in surprise but once he heard the voice he'd been missing, he hugged Dr. Young back. No way she had driven way to Seoul just to come to his graduation?

"Wow! I can't believe you came. You're actually here!"

The only people he was expecting to come to his graduation was Jin and Minsu since he still isolated himself from the younger boys who never really acknowledge him anymore and the older boys had long graduated and went on with their lives that didn't involve him either.

Dr. Young still looked the same. Bright smile, sweet eyes, round belly...?

Jimin's eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh my god I hope I didn't hug you too tight I'm sorry!" He immediately apologized and she smiled sweetly.

"It's okay! It's okay! Wow Jimin-sshi look at how big you've gotten! So handsome and grown up!"

Jimin felt his face flush at her words but fed them in nonetheless. It was rare that someone other than Minsu and Jin complimented him, let alone notice if he had grown or not. Which he hadn't really -- well in size at least. His features did become more mature along with himself, and he had a few earrings and got his haircut professionally now but that was about it.

"Thank you. You too... well you've always been pretty noona and now you're having a baby. That's great!"

Dr. Young smiled happily and unconsciously placed a hand on her round stomach. "Yeah he should be out in a few more months! Next time I visit you can meet him and my husband!"

"Your husband?" Jimin questioned surprised.

She scoffed playfully. "Yah don't seem so surprised! It was that guy I told you about when you stayed in the hospital."

Jimin thought for a second, then nodded in realization. He was truly surprised at how much could change in four years. He could remember Dr. Young telling him about an embarrassing date she went on and how she'd never go out with the man again. And now she was married to the guy!

"So you ended up going out with him again anyways even after he embarrassingly confessed his love to you in front of everyone?" Jimin asked cheekily, a smile playing on his lips.

The pregnant woman pursed her lips as she rolled her eyes playfully. "He wouldn't leave me alone!" A big smile suddenly graced her features. "So... I gave him another chance and he turned out to be a really sweet and funny guy."

Jimin watched her blush as she spoke about him and it made him smile as well. "You seem really happy. I'm happy for you and I can't wait to meet them," he spoke sincerely.

Jimin hoped in the future he'd meet someone who'd make him glow and smile _just_ by talking about them.

She beamed at his response. "So how are you?"

Just as he opened his mouth to speak he spotted Jin and Minsu making their way to him.

"We were wondering where you went-- Oh hi! Dr. Young?" Jin bowed immediately and Dr. Young bowed back with a soft smile.

"Hello Jin, Minsu! It's been so long how are you guys?"

Minsu sighed dramatically but then grinned at the woman. "All my boys are growing up and leaving." She turned to hug Jimin with a pout. "I was doing great until I realized this one is leaving me too!"

Jimin's hugged the woman back ignoring the way his heart clenched. He never really got to know Minsu on a really personal level but she still treated him so kindly, took really good care of him and looked at him with the same sweetness as she did the other boys. Yet even though he saw her as more of an aunt figure, he knew he'd really miss her.

"You're gonna make me cry ajumma," he complained playfully and the woman rolled her eyes.

"Okay I promised not to get emotional so I'll stop."

Jin's eyes widened and he pointed at all the people following the graduates outside to the field.

"Aren't you gonna go throw your hat too Jimin?" He asked hopefully.

Jimin shook his head as he fiddled with said hat. "I got my diploma already and I'm honestly just ready to go..."

Dr. Young frowned. "Don't you wanna go experience your last moment of high school with your friends?"

Jimin's face fell at her words and Jin caught his eyes knowingly. It wasn't her fault that she just assumed Jimin would have friends. Normally someone in high school had friends, lots of them actually. Jimin wasn't normal; He didn't know why it was so hard for him to open up to people. He was too afraid to join clubs or even go to school dances because he always felt so self conscious of himself. He thought he wasn't good enough for friends and honestly the only friend he had besides Jin, Minsu, and Dr. Young was his childhood BFF, Jeon Jungkook.

He often wondered how Jungkook was doing and he really missed him (especially when he needed the others comfort on the really bad days he use to experience) but he knew the younger probably forgot about him, just like his mother who had yet to check in on him and probably never would at this point. But he didn't blame either of them his mother wasn't herself anymore and Jungkook probably moved on with his life and is doing bigger and better things.

He gave Dr. Young a sheepish smile. "Not really... plus I don't even have fr--"

"Jimin-sshi! What are you doing!? This is the best part let's go! We're gonna be late and miss throwing our hats!"

They all turned towards the loud and frantic voice of Jung Hoseok. Not only was Jimin's eyes wide in surprise but Jin's as well.

The older could've sworn Jimin told him he didn't have friends and usually people just ignored him. Jin had been saddened by what his dongsaeng had told him and he couldn't understand how someone could ignore sweet, friendly, and full of smiles Park Jimin.

It truly offended him.

He watched Jimin who couldn't help the smile that spreader across his face as he let Hoseok drag him away.

_Maybe he really did have a friend after all..._

-

"What do you mean you don't know if you're gonna dorm or not! You have to dorm! Living on your own seems so hard!" Hoseok groaned.

Jimin nodded in agreement. Jin, Minsu, and Dr. Young were also surprised when Jimin told them his plans after he graduated.

_"So Jimin-sshi what are you gonna do now that you've graduated?" Dr. Young asked curiously. They were all seated in a local Chinese food restaurant to celebrate Jimin graduating._

_"Oh... I got accepted into the Arts and Sports university for my dancing. I hope to become a really great performer with all the teaching I'll receive."_

_"Ah that's great Jimin-sshi," Dr. Young hummed. "I'll have to come to one of your performances one day."_

_Jimin nodded appreciatively ._

_"So did you decide if you're gonna dorm or rent an apartment?" Jin questioned as well._

_Jimin sighed as he fondled with the chopsticks in his hand. "I think I'm just gonna rent...but I'm not sure. Only if I find something reasonable."_

_"If you do rent it'll be really hard you know that right Jimin?" Jin spoke honestly._

_"Yeah it really is Jimin ah. Rent isn't cheap in Seoul and I'd recommend dorming so you don't have to pay so much. But it's up to you, either way I know you will succeed!" Minsu added on._

_"Thanks ajumma and you're right... but I just get really nervous about living with people I don't know... and I just like being alone," Jimin explained and they all nodded in understanding._

He honestly didn't like being alone but he was too closed in to room with anyone. He never wanted to experience what he did in the orphanage ever again and he knew if he was by himself that wouldn't happen again (hopefully). He was also aware he wouldn't have much money to spend on himself and he'd probably go hungry since he wouldn't be able to afford much food but it was worth being comfortable right?

No... what was he thinking of course it wasn't but Jimin honestly didn't know what to do.

"Well I'm just really uncomfortable with someone I don't know..." Jimin explained once again but to Hoseok.

A few weeks after graduation the other boy had texted him to hang out. Jimin was surprised Hoseok wanted to hang out with him because the only time they ever spoke was in dance class and just now recently online. Hoseok somehow found Jimin's instagram which nobody at school knew he had (probably never cared enough to search him up) and he would comment (along with the other random fangirls Jimin gained somehow after he posted this really low quality selfie on his account -- which happened to be really cute to them apparently) on the videos Jimin posted on his instagram of him dancing. And even though Hoseok did all that, Jimin just assumed he was being nice and pitying him since he obviously had no friends. Yet he messanged him to hang out and Jimin didn't know what to think anymore...

Hoseok threw his arm around Jimin who did a good job at not flinching and was silently praising himself for it.

"No duh! You can room with me!" Hoseok explained with a bright smile as he dug in the bag of chips they were sharing.

Jimin looked up at him surprised, but hopeful as well. "Really? But don't you already have a roommate?"

Jimin swore Hoseok brought up having a roommate who loved the chips they had picked out together at the liquor store they met up at.

"Ah! Taehyung? Don't worry about him he's really cool and outgoing. I've been friends with him for forever and he's coming all the way from Daegu just to go to school with me," Hoseok smiled fondly. "I'm sure you'll get along just fine! Plus we got lot's of extra space in our room since it's kind of big..." Hoseok shrugged, "For a dorm at least."

"Oh..." So was he asking Jimin just because he was being nice or because he had no one else? _No.._. Hoseok had lots of friends... Though Jimin couldn't help but wonder why Hoseok picked _him_ of all people though.

"Um okay sure... I'll room with you guys," Jimin finally answered. He was still a little unsure but he felt like he could trust Hoseok for some reason.

Hoseok squealed then pulled Jimin into a tight hug. He began jumping up and down, letting out a series of "'yay's."

He clapped excitedly. "I can't wait for you to meet Taehyung! Were gonna be like the three musketeers! It's gonna be so much fun!"

Jimin smiled anxiously. "Yeah me too."

-

"I'm gonna miss seeing you everyday... promise you'll come visit me often and text me everyday! And call me whenever you need something! Anything!" Jin cried as he hugged Jimin tightly.

Jimin felt his face heat up as they got a few stares from by passing students. Relaxing though once he saw other families doing the same.

"You sound like Minsu, c'mon Jin you know you can't get rid of me that easily! I'll be over all the time for food," Jimin joked as he hugged Jin back with the same amount of tightness.

Jin pulled away with a scoff and crossed his arms. "Wah! You're only gonna come visit for food!? Not because you'll miss me?!"

Jimin cooed at Jin's pout. "I'm kidding of course I'll miss you hyung!"

Jin smirked as he ran a hand through his blonde hair. "Of course you will. Who wouldn't miss this gorgeousness?"

Jimin smirked back as he pretended to think. "Hm... maybe your ex boyfriend?"

Jin couldn't help his uncontrollable laugh as he playfully nudged the younger.

"Aish you brat!"

Jimin laughed as he pulled Jin into another hug. "I really will miss you hyung ...and your food."

Jin giggled at Jimin's cute antics. "Yah... please just remember to eat as much as you can okay Jimin. I know how dancers get, they want to diet and sometimes become so focused on dancing that they forget and I know you told me you weren't like that anymore but still! Do not forget to eat! _Please. e_ at!" He pulled Jimin away by his shoulders to give him a stern and motherly like stare. _"And sleep."_

Jimin blushed shamefully. Jin knew about Jimin's little diet he forced upon himself in the orphanage and he wasn't happy about it. He told Jimin he was perfect the way he was and didn't need to diet. In fact once he found out he started making sure Jimin was always eating and always full when he was around. Jimin appreciated Jin's efforts but still couldn't help but hate the way he looked even if Jin told him he was "perfect". It was most likely due to the long term self hatred that he still was suffering from even today.

His hyung also knew about his nightmares which thankfully stopped now, yet the younger still had a habit of not going to sleep at night to avoid them just incase they came back.

"I will! Thanks for everything hyung. I love you so much." Jimin spoke sincerely voice cracking as he did.

Jin was more of a mother figure than anyone to be honest... even though he'd probably groan if Jimin told him that.

The older smiled sweetly. "Anything for you, and Jimin, I love you too. So much! Always remember that you can come to hyung for anything..."

Jimin nodded attempting to blink his tears away but Jin saw and pulled him in with a pout. They ended up hugging for a little longer and when they finally departed Jimin grabbed the few bags of belongings he had and proceeded to make his way inside the campus -- which was _humongous._ He knew he was gonna have a hard time finding his room just by looking at the size of the place. Not only that but there was people _everywhere,_ some were new and had just started like him while others looked like they'd been here for a while. Everyone looked and sounded different as well but that was expected in Seoul we're all types of nationalities were found.

After about 40 minutes of searching Jimin found himself becoming quite frustrated because it was harder than he expected to find his dorm. Though he didn't want to tell Hoseok who was probably getting settled in to come find him so he instead tapped on the shoulder of someone who looked like they knew their way around.

The guy was slightly taller than him and didn't seem imitating -- well that was what Jimin assumed until he turned around and glared. Jimin backed up immediately and was about to bow an apology for bugging the man (even though he didn't look busy because he was just standing by a tree). But surprisingly a curious smirk replaced his scowl as he looked Jimin up and down.

Jimin's face heated up immediately as he stuttered out, "Oh um... I'm s-sorry for bothering you--"

"You're not." The man placed his hands in his pocket and gave Jimin his full attention. "What's up kid?"

Jimin gave a thankful smile to the man.

"I-I just... this campus is really big and I'm trying to find my dorm but I keep getting lost. Do you think you know where it's at? You look like you've been here for a while..." Jimin ranted nervously.

The guy chuckled deeply at how obvious of a freshman Jimin was then he gently grabbed the paper with the dorm information on it out of said boy's small hand. "So what you're saying is basically I look old right?"

Jimin shook his head instantly and waved his hands. "No no no! I-I didn't mean it like that!"

The guy laughed at Jimin who was getting even more exasperated. "Calm down I know you didn't. C'mon I'll show you your room." He concluded alas with a teasing smile.

Jimin followed the man through the campus, taking in the other's features as he did so. His head was shaved on both sides, he had mature features, and looked like he worked out a lot. He was really manly but handsome, Jimin thought.

The man noticed Jimin staring and he smirked. "What's your name cutie?"

Jimin's blushed at the petname and at fact that he was caught staring. "Oh uh J-Jimin... Park Jimin," he answered shyly, averting his gaze out of habit.

"Jimin is it..." he tsked. "Well here we are Jimin-sshi."

They walked up to a dorm that Jimin could've sworn he passed.

. _..Twice._

Jimin smiled gratefully, face flushed, as he bowed. "Thank you so much um...?"

The guy smiled back. It was kind of charming and flirty Jimin noticed but he tried not to think too much about it because they would probably barely even see each other again after this, and also the man was most likely straight anyways (not that he wanted the guy to be gay or anything though!)

"Taeyang."

"Taeyang," Jimin repeated softly. "Thank you..."

"Uh huh, any time."

The smirk didn't leave his face even as he walked away, leaving blushing and heart fluttering Jimin alone at his awaiting dorm.

Jimin finally sighed and turn towards the dorm.

_Here goes nothing..._

He opened the door and was met with a large basic and plain room. The first thing he noticed was the bathroom and then the three beds, one which a boy who Jimin was guessing was Taehyung sat on with his phone. He had already noticed Jimin, his face blank as he watched him come in.

Jimin gulped awkwardly as he closed the door. It looked like his new roommate didn't seem very welcoming.

Jimin stood by the door nervously once it was closed. "U-Um hi I'm Jimin..." he bowed politely.

He played with his fingers as he waited for a reaction from the other and suddenly a huge box smile appeared on Taehyung's face.

He hopped of the bed and made his way towards Jimin. He was really tall... _and_ handsome with his boyish but sharp features.

"WOW! Hoseok hyung didn't tell me you were this cute! Gosh! You're like a little chipmunk!" Taehyung exclaimed happily as he pulled Jimin into a surprising hug.

Jimin was shocked but awkwardly hugged the taller back.

"Um... thank you?"

Taehyung finally let him go but his smile didn't fade. "You're welcome! I'm Kim Taehyung!"

Jimin nodded with a genuine smile. "Nice to meet you Taehyung-ah?"

"Oh! I'm a 95 liner what about you?" Taehyung spoke proudly.

Jimin's lit up at that, seemingly very happy that he wouldn't be the maknae of the room. "Me too!"

Taehyung jumped excitedly and pulled Jimin into another hug. Jimin hugged him back easily this time.

"Wah! You and me are gonna get along great Chim Chim! Can I call you that? You really remind me of a chipmunk!" Taehyung giggled cutely.

Nobody had ever told him he looked like a chipmunk... maybe it was his cheeks?

He shrugged with a laugh. "Sure I guess..."

Taehyung clapped happily then pinched Jimin's cheeks. "God! You're so cute!"

Definitely the cheeks...

"So what are you majoring in?" Taehyung asked as he led Jimin to sit on one of the beds with him.

"Dance. Contemporary, performance, and concert. What about you?"

Taehyung smiled brightly. "I major in two things! Acting and Music! I play the saxophone. I'm not very good at it but it's lots of fun."

Jimin smiled at how happy Taehyung was when he spoke about his passions. He wished he could put what he felt about dance into words but it was much easier to just show it, though he couldn't even do that.

"I'm sure you're really good! You should show me sometime," Jimin offered.

"Only if you show me your dancing! Hobi hyung told me you're great!"

Jimin blushed at the compliment but was confused at who exactly complimented him.

"Hobi?"

"Ah that's what I call Hoseok hyung," Taehyung explained.

Well that makes sense... who else would compliment him other than Hoseok?

"Oh where is Hoseok hyung?" Jimin wondered.

Taehyung shrugged. "He just told me to wait here for you and that he'd be back."

"Oh..."

"But anyways! Show me some moves Jiminie!" Taehyung insisted as he clapped Jimin's knees encouragingly.

Jimin's face flushed as he stuttered. "B-But I'm really bad at dancing in front of people..."

Taehyung's shoulders fell as he pouted. "Please! For me please! Everyone is gonna be watching you soon enough so you have to get used to it."

Jimin realized Taehyung had a point. University was way different from high school. In high school he could get away with hiding in the back of the dance class while in college, you were expected to show everyone you knew what you were doing.

Jimin smiled sheepishly and got up. He turned on some music from his outdated android and stood shyly until it started. It was a simple contemporary song that he knew word for word since in high school his class used it for warming up. He moved easily and Taehyung seemed mesmerized as he watched him with wide eyes.

As Jimin was finishing up, the door opened and he could hear Hoseok squeal causing him to pause embarrassingly.

Jimin had expected Hoseok to tell him he was doing it all wrong but instead he started dancing where Jimin left off.

"Omg I missed dancing to this!" Hoseok exclaimed, waving for Jimin to continue dancing with him.

Jimin giggled and proceeded to dance along with him, watching as Taehyung's eyes went back and forth in awe. When the song came to an end Taehyung jumped up excitedly and began cheering. Hoseok joined him, and even Jimin found himself laughing along with them.

"Wow! I wish I could dance like that! You guys are awesome! Really!" Taehyung spoke still in awe.

"Nah I have nothing on Jiminie! He's amazing right!?" Hoseok asked as he threw his arm around Taehyung and turned to Jimin.

"Yes you're really good!" Taehyung agreed. "Both of you! I don't know why you were so shy though ChimChim!"

Jimin blushed and spoke shyly. "Thank you... I think hyung is way more talented than me though--"

Hoseok waved Jimin's thought off happily and then turned towards Taehyung with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Uh ChimChim?"

Taehyung giggled and moved from under Hoseok's arm and towards Jimin to gently pinch his cheeks. "Doesn't he remind you of a cute little chipmunk!?"

Hoseok groaned. "Don't pinch his cheeks he's not a baby -- or an animal!"

Jimin laughed as Taehyung pouted. "Ah... it's okay I don't mind," he shrugged.

Jimin enjoyed the skinship, he was actually a little affectionate himself but was usually too shy to show it towards anyone other than Jin and occasionally Minsu.

Hoseok's eyes widened suddenly. "You don't?! I've always wanted to try but I didn't want to scare you away," he explained as he made his way towards Jimin and playfully pushed Taehyung away to pinch Jimin's cheeks himself.

Hoseok pursed his lips delightfully, "Aw! Cute! You do kind of look like a little baby chipmunk but like if it was in human form of course!"

Taehyung who was pouting, scoffed at Hoseok. "See I told you!"

Jimin had never felt so welcomed before ever. These two boys had known each other since they were young and we're treating Jimin as if he had been with them for just as long. He felt like he finally belonged. He felt...

Excited!

For once in his life Jimin felt _excited_ for a new experience, with new people. Good people! He was sick of feeling unwanted and anxious everywhere he went. He realized he could really get use to this new feeling and hoped it would last forever.

Yet... good things never last forever, at least not in Jimin's book they didn't.

Soon enough Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok became the best of friends. There was never any awkwardness with Hoseok and Taehyung. Everything was always fun and happy which Jimin was very pleased about. They told Jimin everything about themselves like how they met when Hoseok went to visit his grandmother in Daegu as a child and apparently he was sitting on his porch when he watched Taehyung's dog get hit by a car. They were both crying over the dog and soon became bff's, it was really cute Jimin thought.

Jimin loved how they didn't push him to talk about himself other than asking where he was from, yet he still trusted them enough to eventually tell them about how he lived in the orphanage and what it was like for him. He still never talked much about his past before the orphanage because he wasn't quite ready for that but they respected that and didn't ask. They also didn't treat Jimin any differently once Jimin told them how the other boys were to him in the orphanage, in fact he noticed they simply cared and watched out for him even more.

Hoseok had often heard Jimin's foster siblings talking about him during his high school days and couldn't believe all the horrible things they use to say about the boy. He made it his goal to try to become close with Jimin and he was happy he did because he learned Jimin had such a sweet personality and heart and didn't deserve anything other than love and affection.

Taehyung also became very fond of Jimin and wanted to be as close to him as he was to Hoseok. So far their relationships were coming along great and he could tell the other anything.

The three of them took care of each other; Made sure each other slept, ate, and did their assignments. They were always together if they weren't in class (or if Jimin wasn't working, which was rare) and even during class Jimin at least had Hoseok by his side so he didn't feel left out. Speaking of feeling left out, Jimin still had a bad habit of disclosing himself from others -- which he was learning to work on especially in his classes.

He had classes were he simply learned about the type of dances he was majoring in, while in others he actually had _to dance._

In front of _everyone._

He dreaded it. The feeling of everyone's eyes on him. When he was younger and times were good he use to love the spotlight but after everything that happened to him, all the teasing and bullying... it left him afraid of judgement and he found himself hating the spotlight which was ironic because what dancer didn't like being the center of attention.

He often wondered how Hoseok or "Jhope" (Hoseok's stage/nickname) did it. Hoseok was always happy when he got a chance to show off his moves to everyone in class, Jimin on the other hand hadn't even volunteered _once_. His hyung had often begged him to volunteer but he was not having it.

He knew he'd have to get over his shyness sooner or later -- most likely sooner if he didn't want his teacher to dock his points for not participating. And especially if he wanted people to take his dancing seriously.

He was given the perfect opportunity when his teacher announced that she was going to be picking people to choreograph what they had learned and dance to some producing majors music at a concert.

Jimin was finally ready to show off his skills and even volunteered until he found out who the producers or producer was. There was two guys, one who he hadn't met named Namjoon (Rapmonster was his stage name). He was tall, had nice slightly tan skin and a cute dimpled smile. Then there was the guy who had shown him to his dorm room, Taeyang was his name. Unsurprisingly Jimin hadn't seen him around since then but it still seemed like the man recognized him by the small smirk on his face when their eyes met. Jimin immediately unraised his hand but the teacher had already saw it.

"Jimin-ah! I saw that hand come on!" His Teacher, Ms. Lee pointed towards him with a big smile as he froze up with wide eyes. "I've been waiting for you to show us what you got!" She exclaimed happily as she made her way to where he was standing very uncomfortably as everyone looked his way.

"Oh no actually I changed my mind i--" Jimin tried to escape the situation but Hoseok softly pushed him towards her and then clapped excitedly.

"Wooh! Let's go Jiminie! Yeah!"

His other classmates began cheering for him as well pressuring him until he finally stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, his whole face flushed.

"You ready?" The dimpled man asked and Jimin nodded as he closed his eyes, waiting for the music to play.

The music filled his ears as he forced his body to relax, it started off up beat and he felt it in his soul as he moved effortlessly.

It was so easy for him to hear music and just want to dance. Dancing was the only thing that took his mind off of stress and fear -- he loved it. He loved the feeling when he danced. It was like he was free... or at least it gave him the illusion of being free. Especially during his orphanage days, back then all he ever wanted was to be free from the pain he felt physically and mentally.

So he relied on dancing, which he picked up in high school when his counsellors had placed him in the class since the other electives were full. At first he was upset since boys teased him for being in the class but he had learned to love it once it started taking his mind off the bullying he was receiving. Even on the days where it hurt for him to move he still rather dance than go straight to the orphanage we're he was abused and didn't belong.

Jimin didn't have to worry about belonging anywhere when it came to dancing, anyone could dance. It didn't matter how old you were, how big or small you were, or where you came from, and that's what Jimin loved about it.

He could truly be himself when he danced.

The music he was dancing to now had less of a contemporary feel which he was used to and more of a dubstep feel that then lead up to more of a hip-hop feel -- which he transitioned the best he could.

Jimin popped and rolled his body to every beat, Hoseok and the others pleased cheering made him feel less anxious about his dancing once the song ended and he met the producer's gazes coyly.

Namjoon stared wide eyed and impressed while Taeyang began clapping slowly with his signature smirk.

"Wow Jimin-sshi I'm surprised! You should dance more often it was really amazing!" His dance teacher praised and then turned to the producer's. "What'd you guys think?"

"I don't know anything about dancing but that was great! Wow!" Namjoon exclaimed while Taeyang stared at Jimin who was avoiding his gaze.

Jimin didn't know why Taeyang staring at him made him feel so... nervous and fidgety. It was like the guy was looking straight into his soul.

"Wow indeed... Just what we're looking for, someone who could hit every beat. Right Rapmon?" Taeyang spoke and when Jimin finally met his eyes he smirked smugly.

Jimin didn't avert his eyes right away this time and felt his face heat up as they stared at each other.

"Right. Truly amazing!" Namjoon spoke pulling Jimin out of the trance.

Ms. Lee clapped gleefully and turned towards the rest of the class. "Does anyone else think they can top Jimin's choreography?"

Surprisingly nobody raised their hands and Jimin couldn't help but be surprised. He was sure someone here could have done way better than him...

"Welp! Jimin looks like you've got a gig!" His teacher paused abruptly. "Only if you feel ready enough for it though?" Ms. Lee tried to ask nonchalantly but Jimin could tell she really wanted him to.

"Um--"

"Of course he wants to! Right Jiminie?" Hoseok questioned insistently as he threw his arm around Jimin's shoulder.

Jimin opened his mouth to protest but then saw the hopeful look in his best friend's eyes and on the other students faces.

"O-Of course."

"YASS!" Jhope began and the rest of the classroom cheered along with him.

Jimin smiled shyly and met eyes with Taeyang once again. He was already looking at him with a satisfied look on his face.

There was something about the older man that made him feel... anxious. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not but he'd learn soon enough because eventually he had to start practicing with them to get the performance right.

The first few times Jimin practiced with the two producers he was nervous but Namjoon's friendliness and encouragement made it easier for him to dance and also to ignore the feeling of Taeyang's piercing eyes which always made him feel _weird._

He later found out why he was feeling that way when they had to practice alone one day.

"Rapmonster is busy today so it's just me and you." Taeyang spoke from where he sat with all the producing equipment to Jimin who had just walked in and looked confused as to why it was just them two in the practice room. "I hope that doesn't bother you," he added jokingly when he saw Jimin still looked slightly worried.

Jimin shook his head with a small but timid smile. "Oh no. I'm okay..."

He really wasn't though. They barely spoke to each other at all in these last couple sessions and Jimin didn't know what to think of the other or how to act around him. All he knew was that he was getting clammy and his heart was beating heavily as he put his bag down to stretch. He tried his best to ignore Taeyang's gaze on him as he stretched himself in a split, fingers tapping his toes easily as he bent.

"Hm... not only are you cute but you can dance _and_ you're flexible. It's like the gods are just handing me my type on a silver platter." Taeyang spoke suddenly and Jimin met his teasing eyes from under his dark fringe with a blush.

"Y-Your type?" He repeated innocently from where he sat, now sitting up to look up at Taeyang who he hadn't even realized moved from where he was sitting.

Taeyang shrugged coolly as he leaned against the wall. "Close enough... Hey since you already know your routine or whatever why don't you say we practice another time and go get some frozen yogurt?"

Jimin looked up at the man surprised. Taeyang wanted to go eat with... him? But why...? He really wanted to ask Taeyang why him? Also why yogurt out of all places... but then he realized why would someone wanna go anywhere else with him when he was only in a T-shirt and dance shorts. Also by the way Taeyang was looking at him it was like he was expecting Jimin to say yes already. How could Jimin deny him if he was looking at him like _that._

"Um... okay sure." Jimin smiled softly and got up to grab his bag. He missed the way Taeyang smirked smugly and fist bumped the air.

Jimin didn't know how frozen yogurt turned into him and Taeyang having sex.

He really didn't! All he remembered was that Taeyang was telling him about how he didn't eat that shit (frozen yogurt) and Jimin was confused as to why Taeyang brought him to a frozen yogurt place then if he didn't like it. Taeyang then told Jimin,

_"I dunno you just seem like a frozen yogurt type and I just wanted to make you happy."_

Although Jimin was happy Taeyang _"wanted to make him happy."_ He wondered how could someone seem like anything _just_ because of their appearance? Instead of questioning Taeyang though he just mumbled an " _oh..."_ and tried to ignore said man's eyes staring at his lips every time he took a bite of his yogurt.

Suddenly Taeyang started asking him what did he like to do for fun and Jimin was responding nonchalantly, _"Oh nothing really... just dancing, hanging out with my friends, listening to music, watching movies--"_

_"You like movies? I have a whole bunch at my place. We should go watch some, I think you deserve a break from all that dancing you do," Taeyang insisted and of course Jimin who didn't know how to say no responded with an,_

_"Um...okay."_

The next thing Jimin knows is that their watching Korean subbed Titanic in Taeyang's messy living room and said man's thick clammy hand wandering on his thigh. He tried to ignore it though because honestly Titanic was really good so far and he usually loved affection so he didn't understand why he felt uncomfortable now... He attempted to shake off the feeling because they could become potential friends or maybe even more one day.

Jimin smiled at the thought of having more friends or even a boyfriend. He never had a boyfriend and often wondered what it would be like, yet suddenly his thoughts were cut off by Taeyang pressing his lips against his neck.

Jimin's face started heating up as he gripped the water he was holding in his hands tighter. Taeyang must've saw his uneasiness because he stopped kissing Jimin and stared down at him with a curious smirk.

"You're a virgin aren't you?" He assumed bluntly.

Jimin looked at Taeyang wide eyed and embarrassed, feeling his stomach turn at the reminder of how his virginity was stolen from him years ago. He had forced himself to forget about what happened but it still hurt when he did somehow think about it since it was always in the back of his mind and could be triggered easily.

Feeling slightly shameful Jimin spoke, "Uh... I'm not--"

Taeyang's eyes widened in surprise as he cut Jimin off. "You're not? Wow what a surprise... Who would have known little cute and shy Jimin gets it in."

Jimin blushed as he looked down at his tiny fingers. "I-It was only once and I didn't really like it." He admitted, hoping Taeyang would get the hint that he didn't want to go through such pain again.

But instead Taeyang just leaned in closer and gently grabbed the back of Jimin's neck. "That sucks... whoever it was must have not been doing something right. How about you let me show you how much you could love it?"

Jimin shook his head, denying the offer immediately. "Oh no... I'm okay--"

"Baby I could have you _begging_ for it, just give me a chance--"

"I-I don't know Taeyang... You see, I barely know you and I don't think I'm ready for that--"

"I really like you..." Taeyang cut him off with a playful and flirty smile.

Jimin was frozen as he looked up at Taeyang through his bangs with wide, scared and uncertain eyes. The "I could have you begging for it." reminded him of his rapist words (that he still yet to forget) and that made him want to cringe but then again Taeyang confessing that he liked him was far more important and alarming.

Jimin didn't know what to feel... someone actually _liked_ him --romantically! He never had someone like him like _that_ and although it felt nice he wasn't sure if Taeyang was being serious.

"Y-You like me...?" He repeated timidly, looking up at Taeyang with hopeful eyes.

Taeyang shrugged. "How could I not you're fucking sexy. Cute face, _amazing body_. God, I've wanted you since I met you. And don't worry about us not knowing each other baby we'll get to know each other eventually if you just be mine Jimin..." Taeyang stared down at Jimin confidently, taking in how unsettled and unsure the younger was.

Taeyang didn't really like Jimin and was honestly just hoping to bring Jimin back to his place for an easy fuck and dump after seeing how hot and gullible the smaller was. But then he realized maybe it would be fun and useful to keep someone like him around; Someone he could use for his own personal needs. Someone who believed _everything_ that was said to him.

"O-Okay..." Jimin spoke softly. He was still unsure but came to the conclusion that he _had_ to like Taeyang as well since he always felt some type of way whenever the older was around. Now he was sure that the anxious feeling he always got was just a little crush. And knowing that his crush liked him back made him really happy.

Jimin was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't see Taeyang lick his lip until the older gently tilted his face up for him to see. He held his breath as he watched the older leaned in towards him and connect their lips. Jimin shut his eyes tightly as he slowly tried his to kiss Taeyang back the best he could.

He had never been kissed on the lips and wasn't really sure what to do with his lips or hands that were still squeezing the water bottle he was holding tightly.

Taeyang didn't seem to mind that Jimin didn't know what he was doing and just kissed him even harder, the hand on the back of Jimin's neck now wondering down to his hips and easily pulling the smaller on top of him.

Jimin on the other hand was caught off guard by the others eagerness and the hot tongue that was now pushing it's way past his lips. He couldn't help the surprised moan that fell from his lips once their tongues met and the feeling went straight to his belly. Yet he still wasn't sure if it was arousal he was feeling or anxiety.

Taeyang pulled away to start leaving wet open mouth kisses down Jimin's neck, while his hands started roaming under Jimin's sweater; lifting it up and off in a heartbeat. Once it was off and Jimin was catching goosebumps from the cool air, Taeyang's rough lips began trailing down his chest, teeth immediately latching onto one of Jimin's nipples.

Jimin yelped at the feeling of Taeyang now sucking on his chest, his sweaty hands uncomfortable as they gripped his hips tightly. He could feel Taeyang's boner pressing against his ass and tried not to freak out because as much as he didn't want to rush into things if they were gonna be dating it would happen eventually right? Plus... he didn't want Taeyang to change his mind about him so he placed his own shaking hands (the water bottle that was once there long forgotten and somewhere on the floor) in Taeyang's hair to encourage the older and make it at least seem like he was enjoying it.

Taeyang looked up at the shy boy, who was finally giving in, and licked his lips.

_He was gonna have so much fun with Jimin..._

He couldn't wait to fuck the smaller and it wasn't like Jimin was gonna stop him being as gullible as he was, so he decided he'd do just that.

He easily picked Jimin up, his hands holding the younger's plump ass tightly as he led them towards his bedroom. He tossed Jimin on his unmade queen bed and pulled his own shirt off.

Jimin couldn't help but cover himself in shame as he took in the others well built body, blushing when Taeyang caught him looking.

"You like what you see?" He asked cockily, a smirk embedded on his lips as he flexed.

Jimin bit his lip in embarrassment.

Overly built men weren't exactly his style because they usually imitated him but he found himself nodding anyways just because he didn't want Taeyang to feel bad about himself (he knew what that felt like and it sucked) and also because he overheard some girls in his class saying buff guys were nice cuddle buddies. He could imagine it --if they had a thing for being crushed or something.

_Jimin wasn't so sure he would like that though..._

He came back to his senses and averted his eyes as Taeyang suddenly reached for his boxers.

After Taeyang removed his boxers he walked towards his dresser (without shame and dangling freely) and pulled out a condom and a bottle that held a clear substance. He then crawled on the bed by his knees with a smirk and towards Jimin who was watching him nervously, hands still covering his exposed upper body.

Taeyang dropped what was in his hands to instead cup Jimin's chin. He tilted Jimin's face up then leaned down.

"I'm going to take care of you as long as you give me what I want okay?"

Jimin blinked dumbfounded at his words but nodded anyways. Then Taeyang kissed him open mouthed and way too much tongue. Everything else happened so fast and the next thing Jimin knew was that he was naked as well and watching as Taeyang rolled a condom over his very erect penis.

He took in the other's size and realized Taehyung wasn't as big as Daesuk so he wondered if it would hurt less? He gulped and got enough courage to ask the older, "Is it gonna hurt?"

He was so scared because unlike most teens and young adults Jimin didn't even like thinking about sex. It just triggered old memories that he never wanted to experience ever again.

_Pain he never wanted to experience again._

Taeyang finished lathering his dick and fingers then let out a breathy laugh at Jimin's nervousness.

"Aw are you scared because I'm big baby?" Taeyang smirked as Jimin innocently ran his eyes over his length that honestly wasn't _that_ big, maybe barely over average. Yet Jimin didn't say anything (because who was he to judge since he was barely average) and instead boosted Taeyang's pride by nodding.

"It would hurt if I didn't prep you right but don't worry imma stretch you out so good baby..." Taeyang spoke, voice full of cheekiness. "Then I'm gonna fuck you so right that I guarantee you won't even remember the last guys name after I'm done with you."

Jimin blushed at Taeyang's words and let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as Taeyang opened his legs that were previously clenched shut in embarrassment.

"Fuck you have such a nice ass baby..." Taeyang whispered and waited no time to push two lubed fingers into Jimin who whined immediately at the force, face scrunching up at the stretch he was feeling.

"T-Taeyang it hu-hurts!" Jimin cried, covering his face to avoid Taeyang's most likely judging gaze.

Sure the lube made the slide way easier but it still hurt like a bitch.

Taeyang just sighed slightly annoyed at the inexperienced boys whining. He swore if Jimin wasn't so worried he would have been pressed him face down into his bed and fucked him senseless from behind. But... He couldn't do that if he wanted Jimin to trust him.

"Baby I know it hurts but it'll go away just relax and let daddy take care of you okay?" He dotted in a humorous tone.

Jimin flushed at Taeyang's words, he didn't really understand or like when guys called themselves 'daddy' it was odd and Jimin wasn't really with the weird kinky stuff _but_ he nodded his head anyways (just like always), just to get it over with.

And get it over with he did.

All too fast the stretching burn of Taeyang's fingers were being replaced by Taeyang's length.

Thankfully... it didn't hurt anymore or as bad as last time. Maybe it was because he was stretched and they used lube? Or maybe it was because Taeyang wasn't scary humongous like his rapist was.

He wasn't sure but he was thankful -- Even if it still had that uncomfortable burn that had him gripping the pillow he was laying back on tightly with his eyes clenched shut.

Taeyang on the other hand was groaning in pleasure as he spreaded Jimin's legs wider and gripped Jimin's thighs hard enough to bruise.

"Open your eyes baby, look at me." Taeyang demanded, one of his hands snapping Jimin's face towards him.

Jimin gasped at Taeyang's aggressiveness but opened his eyes nonetheless to stare back at Taeyang's black menacing eyes that were already on him.

"Mm... yeah such a good boy. Always and only look at me," Taeyang mumbled as he leaned down to capture Jimin's lips in another spit swapping, wet and hot kiss.

Jimin moaned in discomfort as Taeyang bit his bottom lip hard and suddenly sped up his hips. The obscene sounds of their skin slapping echoed the room and the bed hitting the headboard had Jimin's face red in embarrassment.

"Feel good huh? I fuck you better than your last don't I?" Taeyang questioned rhetorically and cockily against Jimin's ear, the clammy hand on his face now wrapping easily around his neck.

The grip wasn't tight enough that Jimin couldn't breath but it was still tight enough to make him uncomfortable.

"N-No..." he pulled on Taeyang's hands in hope that the other would get the memo to let him go but instead Taeyang just smirked and held him tighter.

"No? You want it harder then?" He asked unknowingly and full of amusement. Yet he didn't wait for Jimin's reply and instead began thrusting harder and deeper.

Jimin cried out and bit his bottom lip so he wouldn't be too loud. His legs were shaking and His toes were clenching at the sudden extreme pressure he was feeling from Taeyang's length sliding in and out of him at such a hard and rapid pace.

"Ooh shit... look what daddy finally found." Taeyang smirked once he took in Jimin's sudden expression. "You like that don't you baby?"

Jimin shook his head and clenched his eyes shut again. He didn't understand what Taeyang found since the thought of sex in the past made Jimin feel sick and have nasty flashbacks which had stopped him from ever really learning about it.

Therefore he didn't know that Taeyang found his prostate which usually caused lots of pleasure for most men that were aroused... but the thing was, Jimin wasn't aroused so the pressure was just too much for him and overall really uncomfortable. But since Taeyang was enjoying it he forced himself to withstand the feeling.

"I told you I would make you feel good..." Taeyang spoke out of breath as he finally let Jimin's neck go to opt for the back of his thighs instead, pushing the boys legs up all the way to his chest.

"Look at you all bent up for me... and that pretty little hole taking daddy's cock so well..." Taeyang groaned, biting his lip as he sat up on his knees. His sharp gaze on Jimin's ass as he slowed down his thrust to watch his dick slide in and out of Jimin's clenching hole.

All his weight was now on Jimin's legs and it was really discomforting but he didn't want to complain to Taeyang about that _or_ the weird staring and the dirty talk because the older seemed to really be enjoying him and Jimin rather not mess anything up like he usually did. So he kept his mouth shut and watched Taeyang who was sweating bullets fuck him until he came.

When Taeyang was finally done he pulled out and threw his condom somewhere on the ground which made Jimin (who hadn't even come once) cringe internally.

Jimin assumed the older would probably want his space once they were finished and since it was late but surprisingly Taeyang laid down next to him and wrapped his sweaty and buff arm around Jimin's small frame, effectively pressing them tightly against each other.

"I hope you understand that you're mine forever now." Taeyang spoke clearly for Jimin to hear. He decided he couldn't let _anyone_ else have Jimin and He wanted him to understand he officially _belonged_ to him now.

Yet Jimin didn't realize how serious Taeyang's words were and instead smiled softly at them.

_Forever..._

Someone wanted him forever...

That made him extremely happy because he never thought anyone would want him like that. He was giddy although the sex part wasn't that great he was still really excited to have a boyfriend who he couldn't wait to get to know and do cute and fun things with like all the other couples he saw on campus.

He was slightly worried about what Hoseok and Taehyung would say even though they knew Jimin was gay and accepted him, they'd probably tell him he was rushing into things which was probably true but Jimin didn't mind because Taeyang _liked_ him and... he was really grateful and happy someone wanted to be with him like that _forever!_ So he just hoped his best friends could respect that.

Yet for Jimin sadly the happiness didn't last very long... He realized Taehyung and Hoseok (who he was right about when he said they'd probably think he was rushing into things which they did. But they we're still happy for him anyways because as long as he was happy they were too) should've been the least of his concerns when he learned just how much his boyfriend truly liked him.

Taeyang showed Jimin how much he liked him mostly through sex (which he still fully didn't like because he barely got aroused and was often left sore afterwards... _but_ Taeyang was slightly addicted and wanted it all the time so he forced himself to endure it) most of the time or with gifts since he made a few extra bucks producing for the university. He bought Jimin a new iphone so he could keep tabs on him even though the smaller insisted he shouldn't have because it was too expensive and he didn't do much anyway. He also took Jimin out and brought him pretty things like clothes, jewelry, and makeup which he believed made Jimin look ten times better and insisted for him to wear it more; Jimin was slightly offended but if that's what daddy (Yes... Taeyang got Jimin to start calling him that but only when he asks! Jimin still wasn't willingly doing it) wanted... that's what daddy got.

He was also always at Taeyang's house when he wasn't in class and eventually Taeyang just asked him to move in.

_"I should get going I have to get clothes and I told Hoseok hyung and TaeTae that I'd walk with them to class," Jimin explained to Taeyang who decided he wanted to hold Jimin's naked body tight after their exhausting morning._

_Taeyang groaned. "I'm sick of you rushing out of here in the morning! Why don't you just move in baby? You're here all the time anyway and I wanna have you ALL to myself..."_

At first Jimin was hesitant but then decided Taeyang was right he was already there most of the time so he might as well just move in -- also Taeyang always had hot water since his apartment was newer unlike the dorms so of course Jimin wasn't exactly opposed to that but something else did worry him.

_"What if you get tired of me?" Jimin couldn't help but ask Taeyang who chuckled and began kissing the back of his neck._

_"How could I ever get tired of you baby? As long as you do what I say we'll be good now stop asking dumb questions and give daddy a kiss."_

Jimin had felt bad for Taehyung and Hoseok who we're really sad about him leaving them. Jimin promised to text, call, and visit them often, though that never happened because he started to actually realize how demanding, aggressive, possessive... and _violent_ his boyfriend was.

He never really noticed it until after he moved in and the older started telling him what to do, what time he should be home, and who he couldn't see anymore. Taeyang convinced Jimin to quit his job since he was now taking care of him and didn't need it anymore. Taeyang expected Jimin to keep the entire apartment spotless which was slightly difficult and annoying since all he usually wanted to do when he got home was sleep because dance practice always left him drained. He couldn't though because Taeyang was always trashing the place with his friends and leaving Jimin to clean up their messes, because he rather not start another argument like the first one if he didn't.

Jimin had gotten home from practice and saw that the place was a mess after Taeyang and his friends Namjoon, Suga (who was a short quiet and imitating guy that was perusing a rapping career; Jimin had performed to one of his pieces thus the reason he knew him) and a couple other loud and annoying guys he never met and rather not meet, stayed up all night making beats and trashing the living room. Jimin was too tired to clean up and decided to do it later after he took a nap but once Taeyang got home and saw Jimin sleeping when the place was a mess he got upset. He slammed the bedroom door open, effectively waking up a confused and wide eyed Jimin.

_"If all you're gonna do is be lazy and fucking sleep when you get home the least you can do is fucking clean up the place! I shouldn't have to come home and see shit everywhere!" Taeyang shouted angrily._

Jimin really wanted to tell him maybe he shouldn't have made the mess in the first place but Taeyang seemed really upset, which wasn't odd because he had _quite_ the temper and often seemed irritated _all_ the time but this was the first time he had ever been angry with Jimin, so he didn't want to make him even more angry by talking back because who knows what he'd do.

_"S-Sorry I was just really tired when I got home--"_

_"I'm fucking tired too! But I still get your ass everything you need right?"_

Jimin frowned as he looked down. Taeyang wouldn't have had to buy Jimin everything if he would have just let him keep his job but, _"No baby, daddy will take care of you..."_

As much as Jimin wanted to reply with that though, he didn't.

 _"Yes you do..."_ God he felt like such a child!

_"Okay since you know now I'm gonna go get a drink and when I get back my fucking place better be clean Jimin do you understand?"_

_"...yes."_

_Jimin never skipped cleaning ever again after that._

Taeyang also didn't like Jimin receiving things from people who weren't him. Jimin remembered he had went to Jin's place to visit because he hadn't seen the other in a while. They sat on his little love seat and talked for a while; Jimin telling Jin all about Taeyang.

_"So tell me about this boyfriend I have still yet to meet!"_

_"Hyung I text you about him all the time..."_

_"I know but I want the details! Is he cute or cool? Is he shy or arrogant? In the picture you sent to me he honestly looks like a dick-- OH! Speaking of dicks! Are you two sexually active?"_

_"Hyung!"_

_"Jimin-sshi! I need to know these things! You're like... my baby!" he cried, emphasising the baby._

_"I know...' Jimin bit the inside of his cheek as he thought of a reply. "Um to be honest were like opposites. He's really cool and confident around others and he might seem a little mean but he's really sweet to me... most of the time... And we've only gotten into one fight but that was because he asked me to clean up and I didn't--"_

_Jin scoffed. "Is that like your job or something?"_

_Jimin looked away flustered. "W-Well no but his friends left the place a mess and I got home before him and instead of cleaning up I just went to sleep because I was tired but he got mad and told me the least I could do is clean up. I realized he was right and shouldn't have had to come home to a messy place you know?"_

_Jin purses his lips. "I guess I see what you mean but If I were you I would have told him to make sure his friends don't leave shit everywhere. Like you're tired when you get home you shouldn't have to clean up anyone's mess Jimin-sshi."_

_"Yeah you're right I just didn't want to argue..."_

_"You should be able to state your opinion without being afraid of turning it into an argument Jimin--"_

_"I-I'm not scared hyung," Jimin lied. "I just wanted to forget about it."_

_"Mm... I see. Well tell me about what you guys do?"_

_Jimin purses his lips and internally cringed._

What did he and Taeyang do besides sex... honestly? Ever since he moved in with Taeyang they didn't go out like they use to anymore because the older was usually always gone and didn't come home till late at night and when he did finally come home he would just eat and go to sleep -- unless he wanted to have sex.

Most of the times Jimin would already be sleep when he got back and Taeyang would literally wake him up out his sleep just to have sex -- that mind you still wasn't fun for Jimin and left him sore, not even a good sore either.

Other than that they didn't do much together. They didn't go out, they barely ate together, they didn't do anything most couples do.

Honestly, they didn't even talk to each other. Taeyang never asked Jimin about his life, family, or anything. He just assumed he knew him from the way he presented himself. Jimin had asked Taeyang about where he was from and the older just shut him down and told him he didn't wanna talk about it. So Jimin never asked about it again. Other times when he tried to talk to the older was when he seemed upset or angry but Taeyang would just get even more mad and end up leaving; Jimin just stopped trying.

_"Well when he's not at work and when I'm at home since I don't work anymore--"_

_"You don't work anymore why?"_

_Jimin shrugs. "He likes to take care of me... he asked me to quit my job and everything."_

_Jin's eyes widened. "Woah! What did you attract a sugar daddy or something!? He better not be a perv!"_

_"No! I mean he likes to have sex a lot but--"_

_"I knew it! So you guys did have sex!? He didn't pressure you to did he?"_

_"Hyung!" Jimin whined. "No... he didn't. I-I... I wanted to." Jimin lied again._

_"Hm okay... I just... I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything because he gives you things."_

_Jimin blushed. "I know it's just he says he really likes me and the only way he knows how to show it is by spoiling me and I have no other way to repay him so I just let him--"_

_"Ahh! Okay okay well finally you're getting the attention you deserve Jiminie... I'm proud of you."_

_"Thank you hyung... I um I'm really happy."_

_Jin laughed. "Why did that sound so forced?"_

_"No really hyung I am!"_

But was he really...?

After telling Jin that they always used protection and catching up on other things like Jin complaining about his physician work Jimin decided to get going.

Jin wouldn't tell Jimin but he still felt that there was something off about his dongsaeng's boyfriend and made Jimin promise to invite him over to meet the man so he could see for himself. He then sent Jimin home with containers of food because apparently Jimin was losing too much weight.

_"Really? Taeyang said I was getting fat," Jimin spoke nonchalantly, like it was a normal thing for boyfriends to say._

_Jin scowled at that. Now he definitely needed to meet the man. "Who does he think he is?! He shouldn't be saying things like that--"_

Jimin didn't understand why Jin was so angry weren't couples supposed to tell their lovers these things? Well that's what Taeyang had told him when he randomly blurted out Jimin was getting a belly to match his cheeks and he needed to watch what he bought for the kitchen. Jimin was shocked and embarrassed at first asking Taeyang why would he just say something so bluntly like that? Taeyang just told him he should be more thankful his boyfriend was looking out for him and making sure he didn't look bad. Jimin then felt bad for being unappreciative and told Taeyang he would go on a diet. The older was satisfied and that's all that mattered right?

_"Hyung he's just watching out for me--"_

_"So what I don't care! It's rude! He's acting like a typical Korean so judgmental-- ugh! I just... I don't want you to be like how you were okay? One rice balls a day is not healthy Jimin--"_

_"I know Jin hyung... and I'm not I promise I eat a lot! I just dance it off now." Jimin laughed hoping it sounded sincere enough._

_Jin eyed him and then sighed. "Fine but still you look great okay? Don't let anyone! Not even your little boyfriend tell you different. And come over more often!"_

_"Okay hyung I'll try..." Jimin smiled, feeling slightly better about himself as he left._

It didn't last long though once he got home and Taeyang saw all the leftovers in his hands.

_"Where were you?" Taeyang asked Jimin who was placing the containers on the small kitchen table._

_"Um at my hyungs, look he cooked us lots of food! He's really good you should try some--"_

_"I'll pass."_

_Jimin pouted, putting on his doggy eyes. "Why? Please Taeyang he spent so much time cooking for me and I can't eat this all by myself--"_

_Taeyang crossed his arms, annoyed. "You're shouldn't even be eating stuff like this in the first place. Didn't I just tell you that you've been looking like a fucking pig lately! And why do you have people cooking for you? There's food here!"_

_Jimin looked up at Taeyang stunned and ashamed. A pig!? Taeyang thought he looked like...a pig?_

_"Like what is this?!" Taeyang scoffed looking through all the containers of fattening food and dumping them out carelessly on the table._

_He then turned to Jimin who was still standing there quietly, his hands trembling and eyes not meeting Taeyang's._

_"Don't get shit else from anyone but me! You don't need anyone but me! Do you understand!?"_

_"Yes..."_

_"Now throw this shit out!"_

_Jimin never took anything from anyone ever again..._

Taeyang also didn't allow for Jimin to have friends over and Jimin had gotten upset because he was on the phone with Taehyung and Hoseok to invite them over when Taeyang cut his phone conversation off by saying,

_"Um I think the fuck not. Nobody is coming over here Jimin!" He spoke as he grabbed a beer from the fridge._

_Jimin stared at him confused and told his friends he'd call them back, then he turned back to Taeyang from where he was standing in the kitchen._

_"Oh were you already inviting people over or something?" He asked obliviously, watching as Taeyang raised a brow and shook his head._

_Jimin's eyebrows furrowed, then innocently asked. "Then why can't my friends come over?"_

_"Because." Taeyang spoke simply as he took a sip of his beer._

_"Because why?" Jimin questioned confused._

_"Because I said so." He answered smugly and slightly annoyed now._

_"That's not a valid reason Taeyang..." Jimin sighed irritatedly, getting fed up with Taeyang's games._

_"I don't need a reason."_

_Jimin frowned and crossed his arms. "But that's not fair! How come you can have friends over but I can't?"_

_Taeyang suddenly glared at smaller then moved to hover over him. "Why do you need friends over when I'm here?! If I said your annoying ass friends can't come over then they can't fucking come over!"_

_"B-But--"_

_"What did I fucking say!?" Taeyang growled as he punched the kitchen wall besides Jimin's face, causing said boy immediately avert his eyes and cower. "What did I say?!"_

_"T-They can't come over..." Jimin repeated voice cracking as he tried to blink away the tears that were now filling his frightened eyes._

_Jimin never attempted to invite his friends over ever again..._

Taeyang expected Jimin to be home right after his classes even if he himself wasn't at home. And Jimin at first did just that because he really didn't want Taeyang punching anymore walls but then he realized how dumb it was for him to be going home if Taeyang wasn't even gonna be there till late anyways.

Not only that but his friends really missed hanging out with him and he missed his friends. So if they couldn't come to him he'd go to them.

Turns out that was a big mistake.

Halfway through the hang out Jimin was having with Taehyung and Hoseok his phone started buzzing.

He ignored it though, hoping it would stop eventually because he really wanted to spend time to catch up with his friends especially Taehyung who sadly he had no classes with like he did with Hoseok, so he didn't see him as much; only when walking to class.

Yet his phone kept buzzing and eventually started ringing catching Hoseok and Taehyung's attention.

_"You should probably get that Jiminie, this is like the twentieth time your phone buzzed..." Taehyung spoke as he stuffed his face with take out, seeming oblivious to Jimin ignoring his phone on purpose._

_Hoseok on the other hand knew something was up. "Hey, Are you and your boyfriend fighting or something? This is the first time you've come over since you moved in with him."_

_"What I can't come over anymore?" Jimin joked sweetly, attempting to change the subject._

_Hoseok rolled his eyes playfully, then spoke seriously. "No I'm just saying ever since you've started dating him you're always with him... so I was just wondering did something happen?"_

_Jimin shook his head._

How could he answer this? He couldn't tell them Taeyang said he needed to be home right after class because then they'll ask him why and he wouldn't be able to answer because he didn't even know the reason himself.

_"No. Nothing happened I just realized I haven't hung out with you guys like this in a while and I feel bad because you guys are my best friend and I really miss us being all together." He answered somewhat truthfully, his mood going from happy to sad once he realized how much he did really miss his friends._

_Hoseok pouted and pulled Jimin into a hug. "Aww Jiminie we missed you too!"_

_Taehyung joined the hug happily, screaming about how he missed Jimin as well. Yet not even a second later he suddenly pulled away, like he remembered something. "Hey you never told us why you cancelled the sleepover! Oh and you promised you'd visit often so why haven't you? Is your boyfriend really that great?" Taehyung asked, crossing his arms with a childish frown._

_"I know I did and I'm sorry Tae," He couldn't tell them Taeyang forbade him from having them over without reason because then they'd question that too so instead he said -- "It's just Taeyang wasn't really comfortable about having people over and he's honestly kind of clingy--"_

_"Yeah we noticed," Taehyung was still frowning as he spoke. "He's calling now."_

_Jimin chewed his bottom lip anxiously as he picked up the phone. "Hello?"_

_"Bring your ass home RIGHT now."_

_Jimin felt his heart race at how angry Taeyang sounded._

_"B-But I'm with friends--"_

_Hoseok and Taehyung examined him with curious eyes._

_"Jimin if I tell you again I swear to god..."_

_"But--"_

_"What did I fucking say!?"_

Why was Taeyang doing this? Jimin made sure the apartment place was clean before he left and even put him dinner up! So he didn't understand why Taeyang just couldn't let him hang out with his friends!

Yet as much as Jimin wanted to say how he felt he rather not anger Taeyang even more so he mumbled an ' _Okay.._.' And stood up to grab his things.

_"You're leaving?! But we just got started!" Taehyung whined._

_"Yeah I know it's just Taeyang had plans for me that I forgot about and I feel bad so..." Jimin lied._

_Taehyung's frown deepened. "Oh... well at least take your food you barely ate any--"_

_Jimin waved it off. "Oh I'm okay you guys can have it--"_

_Hoseok who had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face suddenly spoke, "Please take the food Jimin-sshi."_

Jin had told him a while ago (when he used to visit Jimin in the dorm) to make sure he ate and Hoseok had wondered did Jimin not eat enough but never asked and just did so anyway. Jin called him often asking about Jimin and recently he told him that the smaller's boyfriend told him he was fat and so he forced himself to go on a diet and now Jin was worried he wasn't eating right. He made Hoseok promise not to tell Jimin though because he didn't want to lose the younger's trust but of course Hoseok was now worried about Jimin as well, especially after seeing how small he was getting.

He didn't know what to think about this Taeyang anymore either. He had only talked to him briefly at Jimin's small choreography watch and had thought the man was really cool; he wasn't so sure now...

_Jimin stared at the older sheepishly. It was like Hoseok knew something by the way he was looking at him. "Um... okay... I'll see you guys later then I guess?"_

_Taehyung who wasn't aware of anything jumped up to hug Jimin one last time. "You better!"_

_"Okay... um Bye hyung?" Jimin called out to Hoseok hopefully, hoping the older wasn't too upset._

_Hoseok sighed. He couldn't be mad at Jimin if he didn't know exactly what was going on. "Bye Jimin visit us soon and eat up so you can dance with more power okay?" Hoseok replied with a smile._

_Jimin nodded enthusiastically._

_"Yeah! I miss your cheeks so eat a lot!" Taehyung added as Jimin giggled and "I will." Then made his way home._

_Hoseok watched him walk away through the window, not missing the way Jimin threw away his full lunchbox of food without a second thought._

_"Wow was the food really that bad? I thought it was pretty good."_

_Hoseok jumped at the sound of his best friends voice who was behind him, also watching Jimin through the window._

_"I don't think it's the food Tae..."_

_"Oh so he is losing weight on purpose then?"_

_Hoseok stared at his not so oblivious best friend. "You noticed too?"_

_"How could I not he lost like 10 pounds... all for his boyfriend's sake right?"_

_"You knew?"_

_Taehyung shrugged. "I over heard you cursing about his dick boyfriend calling him fat so I just put two and two together."_

_"I'm sorry for not telling you. I didn't want to worry you..." Hoseok spoke apologetically._

_Taehyung sighed. "I think I'm the last person you should be worrying about hyung... Did you see how scared Jiminie looked when he answered his phone? And why wasn't his boyfriend comfortable with us visiting?! Something is up hyung I know it--"_

_"Taehyung let's not assume things okay? If Jimin says he's happy then we should believe him--"_

_"That's the thing though Hyung we never asked if he was happy."_

Jimin was stunned, it was like deja vu, the only difference was that he wasn't cheating like his father was.

He had barely walked inside the apartment when he felt it and now his eyes were watering, and his cheek was burning from the impact.

Taeyang had slapped him.

_"What did I tell you?!"_

_Jimin stared up at him wide eyed. He had been drinking, Jimin could smell the beer in his breath and hoped that was the reason why he was being like this._

_"Didn't I tell you to bring your ass home right after school?!"_

_Jimin nodded immediately._

_"If I tell your ass to do something then fucking do it! Why can't you just fucking do it the first time I ask!? Why can't you listen!?"_

_"My friends--"_

_"Fuck your friends!" Taeyang shouted, hard palm landing on the same cheek. "Are your fucking friends more important than me!?"_

_"No no no they're not I'm s-sorry!" Jimin cried, head shaking as he covered his swelling cheek._

He was so scared. He didn't think Taeyang would actually hit him... for something like _this._

Sure... he had a temper, was a bit aggressive in and out of bed, and threw things when he was mad but he never _hit_ Jimin.

Jimin should have expected it though honestly, especially after Taeyang punched the wall that was centimeters away from his face. Yet he didn't want to and rather tell himself that the older didn't mean it just because he apologized later with make up sex.

And now, he still hated the fact that he still thinks the older didn't mean to because, ' _It was just the alcohol in his system making him do this right?'_

_Taeyang stood over his cowering body in the corner and glared at him. "I bet you can answer the phone for them though right!? I bet you listen to everything they fucking say though right?! Look at me!" He shouted pulling Jimin's hand away and then gripping his tear stained face._

_"Ok-Okay I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry--"_

_"Shut the fuck up!"_

Taeyang couldn't believe it... Jimin was apologizing instead of fighting back. He was so fucking weak it was pathetic, _But_ that just meant he could do anything he wanted to him and Jimin would still just think it's his own fault.

_"You fucking cheating ass pig! That's what you were doing huh?! I bet it was!"_

_Jimin clenched his eyes shut and shook his head._

_"I wasn't! I promise I wasn't Taeyang. Just Please stop. I'm sorry for not listening! I'm sorry--"_

_"Yeah whatever that's what they all say. I'm out handling my business while you're getting fucked--"_

_"I'm not!" Jimin sobbed. "Why are you doing this?! I was just with my friends--"_

_"Well I don't want you seeing them anymore okay!? You're mine! Mine! What don't you fucking understand!"_

_"I-I do! I-I get it I--"_

_"Then fucking act like it!" He growled leaning down and pressing Jimin further in the corner. They were face to face and Jimin let out a shaky breath as he lowered his head._

_Taeyang looked at him blankly before walking away. Before he made his way towards the bedroom he mumbled,_

_"If you disobey me again I swear to god Jimin..."_

Jimin didn't want to know what Taeyang swore and he rather not find out.

Yet... no matter what he did it always ended with a new bruise on his body.

_And... he wasn't so sure about forever anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before any more BB stans come at me just know I am also a fan of BB and I know Taeyang is the sweetest thing ever and could never treat anyone like this so don't come for me. I just wanted to use someone who wasn't apart of BTS and I chose him bc he was the first person I thought of that can look imitating so yeah. JUST KNOW I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST TAEYANG LOL


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, if anyone was waiting lmao

"What is your goal now that you're here Jungkook?"

It was finally happening, Jungkook was starting college after all the long and tiring days he spent training to get to where he was now; The restless nights worrying about whether he was good enough...

All he really wanted was... one thing now and it was,

"To be the best."

_To be better than you._

"You don't seem very confident," his father hummed and Jungkook glared at the car ground. "To be the best you must stay focused on what you're trying to succeed in. That means keeping up with your training! I went to college too and I know what happens. You just want to make friends, party, and hook up with all the girls that are gonna throw themselves at you but once you do anything like that you're out! It'll corrupt your mind and it'll become all you can think about and when you're on the mat thinking about what party you should go to next that's when your opponent will get the chance to easily catch you off guard and you know what happens then right Jungkook? You know what happens when your mind is on something other than the fight?"

Jungkook finally looked up at his father who was staring at him already with taunting, teasing eyes.

Jungkook's jaw clenched. "You lose."

_"Come on son! You can do better than that! You want to take this serious right?" His father who was staring down at him scolded._

_"Of course I do!"_

_"How are you supposed to take this serious if you're not thinking about the fight! Something else is clearly on your mind--"_

_"Nothing is on my mind," Jungkook huffed angrily and out of breath as he jumped back up from the mat his father effectively knocked him down on._

_His 13 year old body was aching in protest but he ignored it anyways because 'To win means to never give up.' His mother always told him and if he gave up now he'd never get his Black belt._

_"If nothing is on your mind you wouldn't be losing! Now what is it? Is it that boy still!? He's gone Jungkook I told you he didn't care about you in the first place so stop thinking about him!"_

_"He did care!" Jungkook shouted at his father, losing his temper finally._

_"You're losing your temper Jungkook ah!" His mother shouted the obvious from the side line of the mat where she stood to watch them practice inside their home gym._

_"No let him! He thinks getting angry will make him win right? Well guess what it won't! You'll be stuck with a brown belt forever!" His father mocked and Jungkook growled as he charged for the taller man -- to only end up on his back again._

_Jungkook was now blanking out as he jumped back up, wobbly on his feet._

_"Just give up son! You already lost!You think being angry will bring your little friend back?"_

_Tears were prickling his eyes now as glared at the man. He ran towards his father one last time and that's went everything went black._

_When Jungkook woke up he was still lying on the mat and his mother looking down at him with what he'd assume was worry at first glance, but it easily turned into a scowl once he was fully conscious._

_She pressed an ice pack against his swollen eye and averted her gaze as he winced._

_"Never let your anger take over. You'll never win if you're only focused on being angry. I know you want to be better than him Jungkook but you can't do that by making the same mistakes he once did. You only win thinking about what you want to achieve in the end do you understand?"_

_Jungkook looked up at her in surprise. How did she know he wanted to be better than his father?_

_"How do you know that's what I want anyway?" He mumbled crossing his arms with an annoyed expression._

_She finally looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. "I am your mother Jungkook... I know a lot more than you think and that's not a good thing. Nobody should be able to read your expressions, not even me, that's just how you lose."_

His father gave a pleased sound. "So you remember then, Great."

"How can I forget when you're always reminding me..." Jungkook grumbled as he stared out the window.

"Seems like you still have a temper son, after all these years you still couldn't lose it what a shame." His father pressed and Jungkook's glared.

"Don't let your temper make you lose the fight Jungkook ah." His mother reminded him quietly from her seat besides him, just as their driver stopped the car.

He turned to look at her when he recognized the sincerity in her voice.

"Yes, mother."

"We'll be watching, you know that right?" She continued, looking up at him with expecting round eyes and her normal blank face. Jungkook knew where he got such a look (most people said he always had on his face) from now. He also knew that there was much more emotion behind his mother's blank face but it wasn't like he was expecting her to show them off because simply just wasn't something she did -- _Ever_. Yet at least she was a little more comforting than his father in someway, minus the scowls.

"I know."

It was silent now and Jungkook was at least expecting his parents to wish him a 'goodbye', a 'good luck', or maybe finally an 'I love you son' but he knew that would be too good to be true; They never did it anyways.

"I expect you to see you qualifying for the summer games by the end of this year Jungkook," His father finally spoke as Jungkook reached for the door handle.

Jungkook nodded curtly without turning back and then the next thing he knew was that he was making his way towards the apartment building that he would be staying in.

He opted for an apartment rather than a dorm on campus because his parents (who made a decent income as trainers) were willing to pay his rent if he kept up his skills. Not only that but they also weren't too keen on the idea of him dorming because they thought he'd get distracted by a roommate. He didn't argue with them because he preferred his own space anyways, it was what he was used to.

A lot of the apartment buildings in Seoul were really large (some went up to about 30 stories) and most of them looked alike on the outside.

His apartment building though, was pretty big _but_ not as big as most of the others which was a good distinguisher and it also wasn't too far from the University, in fact it was a perfect distance for his morning/late night runs.

He walked inside the building and found himself inside a nice room that was filled with mailboxes, stairs and an elevator that led up to the levels.

Jungkook was thankful that the manager had a separate office and didn't stake out in the lobby because he rather not have some annoying person greeting him everyday.

He made his way into the elevator and looked down at his keys.

_Fourth level, room 15._

Jungkook was pleased that he wasn't _too_ high up because this apartment building had 12 stories and he knew he'd just get irritated by waiting everyday for the elevator to go up and down. Yet at the same time he just prayed that his neighbors and whoever was on top of him wouldn't be disruptive.

When he finally got to his level he noticed that it was pretty quiet and that there was only four rooms, his room was right by the elevator and flight of stairs that also led up to the levels above him. He could see the entire upper floor if he looked up through the staircase, they were also quiet.

Which was odd because he expected it to be rowdy especially since it was Monday and everyone usually had work or school -- _but_ then again it was only 8 a.m and a lot of people were probably still sleeping in; Something he wanted to do as well but sadly he had to unpack all of his belongings that his parents had shipped over days prior to him coming _and_ go get his schedule for the new semester.

He finally unlocked his apartment door and was met with a nice decent sized one bedroom apartment. His things were piled neatly in the middle of the already furnished living room and he walked past them to check out the kitchen which was empty.

He reminded himself to go buy some food and cleaning products too after seeing that his bathroom was also empty.

His room was plain and empty as well besides the brand new double bed and dressers.

He sighed in content then made his way back towards the living room to began unpacking the little things he had brought.

He really didn't really have many personal luxuries besides clothes, training gear, his phone, some of his old belts, medals, and trophies that he decided to keep in the box and a smart tv that he was surprised his parents actually shipped since they were usually against things that would 'distract' him.

Their reason being for the tv was that they wanted Jungkook to go home after all his matches, turn it on and watch all the mistakes he made which would be broadcasted and then fix them.

Jungkook was angry at them for assuming he'd fuck up when they hadn't even saw him fight yet. But then again he rarely ever lost his matches in Busan and they _still_ always found _something_ to call him out on, especially his father since he was the one training him personally.

_"No no no your posture was too tense!"_

_"Raise your arms more Jungkook ah how are you gonna block anyone like that!"_

_"Yah kick harder pussy! Knock his fucking teeth out next time!"_

Besides the tv and his phone (which he rarely used because of his lack of a social life), he didn't own any entertaining things like games or whatever boys his age had since his form of entertainment was training, matches, or catching up on sleep. He also didn't really have any special belongings (like most college kids would take to remind them of home) other than handmade bracelet that his old and only best friend (that he often tried not to think about) gave him.

He tried to forget about said best friend but sadly he couldn't and did often wonder about him. He wondered if he was still small and sweet, he wondered if he still had those adorable chubby cheeks and sparkling eyes, he wondered if he was still letting people step all over him (hopefully not), and most importantly he wondered if Jimin still thought about him too...

Probably not. He's most likely long forgotten about him. Jungkook should probably do the same but he couldn't and no matter what he also couldn't throw away the stupid bracelet that he had already outgrown a while ago but still often found himself holding tightly before a match and praying that he'd win. He believed it gave him good luck which was kind of childish when he thought about it _but_... he still did it anyway.

After Jungkook finished unpacking his things he realized he was pretty exhausted from having to wake up at four a.m to drive way to Seoul and instead of going to get his schedule like he told himself he would, he decided to take a quick nap on his new bed because why not? His parents weren't around to tell him he couldn't take a break anymore.

When Jungkook finally woke up it wasn't on his own but due to all the noise whoever above him was making. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on his elbows to listen closely.

At first it sounded like someone was throwing or slamming something but now he heard yelling as well. He groaned, annoyed. He should've known the quietness earlier wouldn't have lasted _especially_ in an apartment complex.

He looked down at his phone and saw it was already 1:30 p.m. He let out a curse because although he had his second dan (Black belt) in Taekwondo, he wanted to earn his third dan. Not only that but there was also still so much for him to learn (as much as he hated to admit).

One day he won't be able to fight like now so he wanted to learn about Martial Arts and the history of it now so he could teach other people in the future. By doing that he signed up for three classes to earn his certificates as a grandmaster and a teacher.

Two of the classes he only studied for three times out of the week while one of them was his actual Taekwondo major which he was required to go to everyday of the week. He already missed his first class, physical & exercise which would teach him about the human body and how to stay healthy and what not, it started at 11 a.m. The second one started at 2 o'clock and it was a Taekwondo martial arts history class.

He could make it if he rushed but he still didn't know his way around the campus and would probably get lost anyways.

He groaned again and jumped up off the bed, scurrying off to the living room and grabbing his sports bag that was filled with all his fighting gear as he made his way out his own door, almost forgetting to lock it as he did so.

Just as he was turning towards the elevator he bumped into a small body. They were covered in a black oversized hoodie and didn't look up at him as they stuttered out an apology. Before he could mumble a response they were already making their way down the stairs.

Jungkook wondered why they didn't just take the elevator but then came to the conclusion that they must've have been in a rush as well.

As he waited in the elevator he couldn't help but think of how familiar... _and scared_ the voice sounded; He shook his head, he was definitely being delusional. He didn't know anybody in Seoul.

When Jungkook finally gets to the university he regrets not coming earlier because there was so many people were in the office trying to get or change their schedules.

He ended looking his own schedule up online because he was not about to wait in that line for a stupid piece of paper and also there was a girl right behind him whispering to her friend about how hot he looked during his fights and it was making him uncomfortable. He didn't even expect people to recognized him here and the fact that they did made him feel uneasy because it wasn't like he was a celebrity or something.

He ended up squeezing himself out of the line and leaving the office, deciding on just helping himself because it shouldn't be so hard to find the martial arts room anyways right?

Well it was, and 40 minutes later Jungkook finally found the martial arts gym. It was giant and he was amazed at all the different arts. There was Judo, kickboxing, karate, aikido, Jiu-Jitsu (which made him cringe because of how ruthless it was; a student was literally screaming as another bent his arm back and everyone watched and cheered), traditional boxing, wrestling, Krav Maga, Muay Thai, and finally Taekwondo.

People stared at him curiously as he made his way to his respective area. All it took was one glare back and most of them looked away.

He finally stopped at his own class which was called the Dojang and everyone was sitting down on the mat already in their doboks (uniforms) as they stared up at him. He felt awkward because he was still in his puma sweatpants and a jumper with his bag around his arm.

The teacher, an old bald Korean man sporting a long white goatee and thin eyes stared at him hard.

Jungkook immediately bowed, feeling his face redden in the process.

"I apologize for being late--"

"I don't want to hear an apology. Go get your dobok on," the old man waved him off.

Jungkook's glowered but still as the man said, ignoring the students that were smirking and snickering.

He made his way to the changing room and dressed quickly, not wanting to test his teacher's patience although his own was beginning to wear thin once he got back to the mat the teacher didn't even turn his way as he continued to speak to the rest of the class.

Jungkook wasn't going to just stand there awkwardly so he walked to the back of the class and was about to take a seat until his teacher called him out.

"Yah, What do you think you're doing?"

Jungkook gave the man a blank stare as he responded the obvious. "Um sitting?"

The old man raised a brow and questioned calmly, "Did I tell you to sit?"

"You didn't tell me anything." Jungkook responded, feeling his irritation rise as the other students stared at him; some shocked that he talked back, others amused.

"Exactly so why are you sitting?" His teacher tested.

"Was I supposed to stand the whole time?" Jungkook retorted, not meaning to come off as sarcastic or funny but he did and his classmates laughed.

The teacher stared at him for a moment, observing him almost. "What's your name young master?"

"Jeon Jungkook."

"Ah Jeon Jungkook... son of Jeon Jungjae, Taekwondo grandmaster and 1997 Summer Olympic Finalist."

The class gasped and stared back at Jungkook; Some now in awe, a few in envy.

"You know my father?" Jungkook asked timidly, ignoring the rest of class.

"Of course. Who do you think won against him?" the grandmaster spoke nonchalantly and the students gasped again, expecting Jungkook to become hostile or angry but instead a small smirk crossed his face delightfully.

"I expect you to teach me well then Saseong-nim."

-

_"Okay Jimin, all you have to do is listen to what he says and he won't hit you anymore okay?"_

He told himself for what might have been the hundredth time as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes had dark circles under them and there was a dark bruise forming on his sharp cheekbone.

Jimin hated looking at himself these days because the person he was looking at didn't remind him of _himself_ anymore, which was kind of ironic because he was supposed to like himself even more now right? Especially after all the meals he skipped to become skinny in hopes that it would please not only himself but Taeyang as well, yet instead it did the opposite.

He felt even more ugly now, which should have been expected since he always had been self conscious, but this feeling now was on a whole other level. It was to the point we're he just wanted to hide under his covers forever because he didn't even want people to look at him anymore.

He always tries to tell himself, _you're beautiful, you're sexy, you lost so much weight you should be proud of yourself._ Yet he didn't feel beautiful or sexy, in fact he was disgusted by himself. His sunken cheeks, his overly prominent collarbones, his tiny wrists...

_How could you let yourself get like this Jimin?_

Taeyang didn't even try to make him feel better about himself either. He still called Jimin fat when he caught him eating after starving himself for days; This usually led to a finger down his throat when Taeyang was asleep.

Jimin just didn't understand how much weight did Taeyang want him to lose? He had already lost his baby fat and dancing muscle in return for a thigh gap, skin, and bones.

It was the smallest he had ever been in his life, even when he was with his mom and only ate at school he still weighed more than what he did now.

It was supposed to make him happy because he had always strived to be as skinny as the girls in the magazines (especially Taeyang's favorite Hyuna) yet he knew he'd never look like them, he knew he would never be as beautiful as them even if he did weigh less than them.

Taeyang would still call him fat and ugly when he didn't have makeup on and Jimin would still end up being called stupid if he got makeup on the furniture because he was too insecure now to take it off even in his own home.

It was just a cycle now and he was used to it. He was used to the worried stares from his friends and even some classmates when they noticed he was getting skinnier everyday or when he looked like he was about to pass out from not eating or after he spent the nights crying himself to sleep when Taeyang didn't come home.

He was used to Taeyang making him feel bad about himself, used to the cold shoulder, the disgusted glares, and the hits -- He was especially used to the hits.

Jimin before had assumed the first time Taeyang had hit him was only a one time thing, because that's would everyone would assume right? Because obviously nobody wants to believe their partner is abusive.

He told himself Taeyang must have just had a really bad day and the alcohol was making him do it.

Until it happened again of course.

Jimin didn't even remember the reason why he got hit then, he didn't even know why Taeyang hit him now either.

In fact today's bruise, the one he was attempting to cover up now was from his alarm going off. He was so exhausted that he accidentally slept through it and Taeyang pushed him hard in his sleep to wake him up (instead of just tapping him like a normal person) and somehow he fell off the bed and hit his cheek on the dresser, scrabbling to hurry and turn it off before Taeyang broke it.

Although Taeyang hit him Jimin still tells himself that it wasn't the older's fault, Jimin did wake him up so he had a reason to be angry.

_But did he have a reason to call you useless and hit you?_

"That's just his way of taking it out, i-it was my fault anyways... it's always my fault," he told himself, wincing as he patted the concealer under his eye.

It's always been like this ever since he was a child, blaming himself. Jimin believed everything that went wrong around him was his fault and that if he wasn't always doing stuff then Taeyang wouldn't have to hit him.

Though even when he did nothing something always just _triggered_ Taeyang and Jimin would end up getting hit anyways, even when he was being good.

He was always good! He never left the house unless it was to go to school, he always cleaned everything until it was spotless, he cooked all Taeyang's favorite foods, he tried his best to keep himself clean and pretty just how Taeyang liked him...

_Yet it still was never enough, nothing was enough!_

After Jimin finished covering up his oncoming bruise he pulled the black hoodie he was wearing over his head, grabbed his bag, and then quickly made his way out the apartment to avoid his irritated boyfriend.

As he was making his way down the stairs with his head down he bumped into a broad chest. His head shook from the whiplash but he didn't bother looking up to see who the person was and instead he quickly squeaked out an apology as he continued his way down the stairs.

"Ah I-I'm S-Sorry!"

Jimin always avoided people or at least tried to. This was probably the reason why he didn't have friends (besides Hoseok and Taehyung) even after his two years in the University.

It wasn't like people didn't try to become his friend because they did, especially the students in his classes. The only thing was Jimin was noticeably awkward and the friendships often ended where they started.

Jimin was never bothered about it though because he rather not have to go through the painful beating Taeyang would give him after accusing him of cheating like he often did whenever he happened to have caught Jimin talking to _anyone_ \-- even Hoseok and Taehyung who he was still skeptical about.

Speaking of Hoseok and Taehyung, he had hadn't spoke to them outside of his phone during the whole summer break since he was forbidden to leave the apartment.

Of course he missed hanging out with them but whenever they always asked him to hang out he always made up excuses, only because ever since he got hit the first time for going to see them he was scared of what would happen if he disobeyed Taeyang again. So instead he chose to distance himself from them --much to their dismay and his.

Yet Jimin had one class with Hoseok again so hopefully he'd see them more often, especially since he didn't have classes with him last semester.

The reason why Jimin didn't have classes with Hoseok last year was because he took on a ballet class that his main teacher Ms. Lee recommended after noticing he was losing weight. She didn't take him losing a rapid amount of weight as a bad thing and instead told him he'd do good in professional ballet since the dancers were really thin -- and also because she knew he loved contemporary dance. He thought about it and then decided he might as well take the class to see if he'd like it.

Though on his first day of the class he instantly regretted his decisions. He was forced into leggings and a T shirt that didn't hide anything and since he wasn't built tall and muscular like the other few boys in the class of course he was embarrassed.

It seemed like everyone was judging him -- actually everyone did judge him here (unlike in his regular classes where everyone was encouraging and sweet). Most were silent judgers but there was a few people who didn't care about his feelings and often spoke about him aloud. They didn't care if they sounded insensitive with the way they said things either, in fact they made it their duty to make Jimin feel bad about himself and his dancing everyday. He never did anything about it though and he hated himself for always letting their words -- _too weak, not strong enough, ugly --_ get to him.

The teacher, Ms. B, a middle aged Korean American woman with a sharp face and a tight bun on her head, made everyone dance a piece on the first day. She made Jimin go first (since he was the only one taking the class that didn't know basic ballet) and stopped him midway telling him he was doing _everything_ wrong.

_"No no no! Stop!"_

_Jimin looked at the slender lady with wide eyes as he froze in his spot, everyone began snickering quietly at him and it made him feel even more self conscious._

_"This is ballet! You will dance with grace here! Soft on the feet, fluid movements none of... that." She wiggled her finger as she emphasized the 'that'. "Come Mina show him!"_

_A really tall, pretty, and slim girl who he guessed was Mina waltzed across the room on her toes and Jimin stared in awe at how easy it was for her._

_She began dancing in rhythm with the soft classical musical that played in the background and Jimin stood awkwardly and stunned as he watched her move effortlessly across the studio._

_He didn't even know the names of any of the dances she did and that's when he realized he really fucked up by taking this class._

_When she finished everyone clapped and she bowed then walked back towards the barre, throwing Jimin a taunting smirk as she did so._

_"Do you see that Mr. Park?"_

_Jimin nodded immediately, swallowing anxiously as he played with his fingers._

_"I expect to see you dancing like that by the end of this semester. Understood?"_

_"Y-Yes Teacher-nim."_

Jimin made it his duty to become skilled in ballet. He was required to take the class 6 days out of the week to keep himself fit and learn all the techniques and moves since he was behind.

It was hard... very hard actually. He had never been so stressed over a class in his life and at many times wanted to drop out from the strain he was always putting his body on _but_ he never did and that was something he was proud of because eventually he became good, _He became good_! After hours, days, and week of flexing his body into unnatural poses, humiliation everyday from getting yelled at when he didn't get his jumps or positions right, going home sore and getting yelled at again or beat for wanting his boyfriend to show him affection _or_ at least ask if he was okay when it was obvious that he wasn't.

_He finally became good._

But it _still_ wasn't _enough!_

Nothing was enough when it came to his life.

Even when his teacher didn't humiliate him in front of the class anymore and instead praised him for doing techniques and jumps beautifully, even when the girls who still envied him were now watching _him_ show _them_ the dances, _it still wasn't good enough._

He wanted his dancing to be _effortless_ so he forced himself to train even when he was supposed to be using the summer off to heal his body that was strained from the amount of pressure he put on it. This often caused him to be in pain all the time and some days he could barely even walk because he was so sore.

But the pain was worth it because this year he would be dancing and performing alongside the girls -- with the girls.

You're probably wondering why Jimin spending his summer overworking his body was worth _that_ and it's worth it because in ballet there was gender norms and titles -- _he_ was breaking them.

Usually when he went to class he would stretch with the girls but then later Ms. B would make Jimin and the few boys in the class, who usually danced as backup for the girls, (and rarely got solos if they performed) do intense muscle building exercises and jumps; While the girls practiced more dramatic, elegant techniques.

Jimin hated the exercises he had to to, he didn't want to become built and manly. He wanted to be skinny, soft and beautiful like the rest of the girls.

He often got teased by the boys because he wasn't "built enough" for the powerful exercises and dancing they did, and instead he should be dancing with the girls. And although Jimin should have been offended he wasn't because sometimes he did often find himself thinking about dancing how the girls did. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that since he was a boy and boys were supposed to dance strikingly and with strength, Yet he couldn't help but want to dance with elegance, passion and beauty like how the girls did.

His teacher had noticed though that his movements had more softness to it than strength but instead of scolding him for it like how she usually did her other boys, she watched him progress.

She officially decided to talk to him about it when she caught him in the dancing room spinning softly on his toes.

It had surprised her because it wasn't something boys were taught to do and if they could get on their toes it was a huge achievement. For some reason she felt proud because... _He taught himself._

She watched him try and do a jump which was a little off but she appreciated his effort when he tried again.

Trying again was something she noticed he did often. It seemed as if he never gave him up, something she had expected him to do a long time ago, yet he never did.

_He reminded her of herself._

_"Mr. Park you do realize the techniques you're doing are meant for girls right?"_

_Jimin jumped, holding his chest as he stared at his teacher who stood by the door examining him hard. It was early and he hadn't expected anyone to come in here for at least another hour or so. He didn't expect to be caught doing techniques meant for girls only either._

_It didn't seem like she was angry but he still felt the need to apologize, it was a habit._

_"O-Oh um yes... I'm sorry I know I shouldn't have been doing that."_

_"Why shouldn't you?" Ms. B surprised him by asking._

_He blinked at her, stiff in his leggings and T-shirt. "B-Because boys aren't meant to do things like that..?"_

_"And who said that?"_

_She was right. It wasn't a written rule or anything boys just simply chose not to dance like that._

_"U-Um I-I don't know I just... I'm sorry."_

_"Don't be. That was very impressive Mr. Park. But it needs improvement if you want to become principal."_

_"Principal?"_

_It was the highest ranking in ballet and there was only one girl in the class who was on her way to that term and it was Mina. He could never beat her, she had been dancing ballet since she was a kid; she was the true definition of ballerina on stage._

_"Yes. I believe you have what it takes to compete in nationals next year as long as you work hard. Matter of fact why don't you train with the girls next semester so you can learn the techniques I don't teach my boys."_

_"Train with... the girls?"Jimin bit his bottom lip anxiously as he thought about training with the girls. They were so prissy and imitating all the time. They always made him feel bad about himself but... something about the title of principal made him want to go through with it._

_If he had that title he would finally be something; he wouldn't be useless and worthless anymore..._

_"Yes Mr. Park. Think about it and tell me next semester."_

The next semester was here and Jimin had decided he was going to do it. He was going to dance with the girls. He was gonna be training and performing techniques that usually only girls did. He was gonna be replacing his strong jumps and turns for soft elegance and pointes.

_He was going to be beautiful._

That's what he had wanted for so long now.

To _feel_ beautiful.

Yet he knew that feeling wouldn't be easy to achieve especially if one girl in particular continued to make it her duty to make him feel horrible about himself; Though instead of complaining about him not being manly enough, she complained about him not being feminine enough.

"Mr. Park here is going to join the girls class to help him learn new techniques for finals. I expect you to treat him as you treat each other, understood?" Ms. B explained to the girls after he told her his plans when he finally arrived at the building.

Most of the girls agreed without argument but still glared at Jimin who stretched in his usual spot in the front.

"He's going to be dancing with us?! But why? He's a boy! He can't do the techniques like us Ms. B!" Mina exclaimed angrily. She didn't even care that Jimin was on the next barre over, his face sullen with sad eyes.

He already knew the girls would hate the idea of him dancing with them but it still hurt to hear them say it out loud.

"And that's why I expect you as my best dancer to show him how to dance gracefully," Ms. B responded taunting and then glared when Mina opened her mouth to protest. "No arguing!"

Mina huffed then turned towards Jimin to give him a nasty glare.

"Just so you know you'll never be good enough to enter finals so you might as well give up now and go back to being the back up dancers with the rest of the boys."

Jimin swallowed his hurt and turned away, hating himself once again for not standing up for himself and instead taking her words in.

 _She was right._ He _wouldn't_ be good enough.

But that didn't mean he was gonna give up, that was one thing he told himself he'd never do.

One thing _Jungkook_ told him to never do.

Jimin smiled softly at the thought of his old friend. He wondered if his life was going well, most likely. He wouldn't be surprised to know that Jungkook had grown up to be really handsome and is enjoying life with his many friends and a pretty girlfriend who Jimin hoped treated him with kindness and showed him love and affection unlike his own Boyfriend.

Something that would have surprised him was to know that Jungkook was now on the other side of the campus... thinking about him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was more of a filler but don't worry jikook is gonna meet eventually, I'll be updating another chapter sometime this week just because I took so long to update. I honestly planned on having a chapter up every week but I hate putting out anything that I'm not 100% proud of.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this earlier but I had to edit it along with the past chapters I already posted -- they were filled with embarrassing errors and typos lol but you don't have to reread I only changed a few details and maybe how I worded things.
> 
> Hopefully this is what you all have been waiting for ;) enjoy the chapter!

"In this class I will be teaching you things most of you probably believe you already know and things some of you never even heard of." The grandmaster spoke as he walked around the dojang, his palms pressed together as he finally stopped in the middle, taking in some anxious freshmen faces.

"Lesson one: Don't look so taken back, you've all come very far seeing as this _is_ a black belt class, so be confident." The older man caught eyes with one of his students and noticed they were smirking. He knew the kid would be a cocky one especially after he came in flaunting his belt because he earned his 4th dan last year. "But not too confident." The boys smile fell, a gulp passing down his throat.

"Although you're all here young masters you still have much to learn if you're serious about uplifting your rankings, which isn't very easy to do at this stage. It takes lots of training, effort, and years to heighten your ranking especially after you've past the first dan right?" Those who could relate to the teacher's words agreed, even Jungkook who knew exactly how much effort you had to put in your fighting to earn a higher ranking. It took him approximately five years and six months to get his 3rd dan.

It might seem like a short amount of time to some but for him those five years and six months were hard, painful, and overall irritating.

Some would think because his father trained him (most of the time) he'd have more benefits, like rule breaking, higher rankings (that were given and not earned), fatherly praise -- things like that.

Well, he didn't.

His father trained him very strictly, merciless, unsympathetic. All day long, sometimes the days even went into nights and Jungkook would want to beg to stop but he knew he couldn't, not if he wanted to hear his father complain for the rest of his life about how much of a loser he was for giving up -- even if it was just for that one time. Though it wasn't like his father would let him give up in the first place. His father would work him until he passed out, that's how extreme it was. He never let Jungkook miss a day of training even if he was hurt _from_ training. He'd tell him to get over it, _to be a man_. His father never let him off easy when he did something wrong either. It was always do it again, try harder, more, more, more! Nothing was ever perfect for him even when Jungkook _knew_ he had a technique down, his father still didn't praise him. It was always, _you can do better._

That didn't stop Jungkook from respecting himself though. He knew he was good. Was he the best? No. But he learned to be proud of himself even when he didn't always do good.

 _"Being the best always starts with pride,"_ Jungkook thought about his mother's words which might sound very wise but that wasn't the case she was just very self centered and had a lot of self confidence, which she also wanted Jungkook to have as well so she'd tell him things like that.

"All of you don't have the same ranked black belt so therefore some of you might think you're not good enough and others might think they're _too_ good," The teacher's word made Jungkook bite his lip in thought, watching as students sized each other up and examined each other's belt rankings.

He knew others here had higher rankings then him, who was barely starting his first year of the 3rd dan. It was most likely because they started training earlier though. It had nothing to do with skill, he saw lots of higher ranked black belt holders get their asses handed to them easily, so he reminded himself he could take anyone on -- regardless of a belt ranking -- if he tried.

" _Today_ we will start our first lesson, free sparring--"

"On the first day!?" One girl exclaimed, eyes and mouth wide as she stared up at the older man.

"Yes today, I made you change into your gear for a reason," he answered nonchalantly. "Since this class is only 3rd and 4th dans. I will put you in groups by your belt ranking and your year of experience. Once I do that then we will begin our sparring," The teacher instructed then began reading off names from the scroll he had picked up when he was walking around.

Students started getting called into groups and Jungkook waited, from where he sat in the far back of the room, for his name to get called too.  
It didn't take long since he was in the group of obvious first year 3rd dans. There was more girls than boys in the group and they all looked intimidated by him, which made him feel kind of better about being in the lowest group.

The other groups were second year 3rd said dan holders who looked less intimidated than Jungkook's own group, then there was the third year 3rd dans who stood proudly in their group, and lastly there was the first year 4th dans, they were obviously over confident about their titles.

"Wow son of the Jeons only has 1 year of experience in his 3rd dan? Shocking!" One boy with a 4th dan mocked. A few students laughed and Jungkook's jaw tensed, he _really_ hated bullies and he could already tell this kid would be one.

"Ah Minho are you challenging Jungkook great! You two will be the first to spar."

Jungkook's lip twitched at the way the guy's, Minho, eyes widened in shock at the teachers words.

"But sabeom-nim shouldn't I spar with people in my own group?" Minho's shock had switched to a fake coolness as he smirked. "People with my level of experience," he added just to erk Jungkook's nerves even more; Said boy was currently boiling on the inside as a few students stared at him with amused expressions. They were waiting for a reaction, they wanted him to pop off, but he wouldn't even if he did really want to hit the boy -- bad.

_Just wait till you're on the mat Jungkook; have self control._

"Lesson two: Challenging someone in this class is an immediate free spar. If you challenge them then you should be willing to fight them, that's if they accept the fight -- which they should always do as an act of courage."

Jungkook took in Minho's irritated expression and rolled his eyes. He began to make his way towards the fighting mat, the classrooms eyes following him as they oohed. He stretched quickly and then looked back at Minho, waiting. Said boy glared and stomped his way towards Jungkook.

"Alright fine! Let me get this over with so I can spar someone worth my time."

"Minho hyung you shouldn't be so cocky haven't you seen the video of him at the Busan martial arts competition for teens? He's really good!" One boy from Jungkook's group called out. Jungkook mentally groaned on the inside, hoping whoever this kid was didn't stalk his videos like the girl in the office from earlier.

Minho scoffed. "I could care less Yunhyeong, He's not that good if he's still on his 3rd dan."

A small smirk made it's way on Jungkook's face as Minho underrated him.

"You should've worn your head gear," Was the last thing the boy snickered to Jungkook as they bowed to each other and the teacher who was patiently waiting counted them off.

"Ready? Begin!"

Minho immediately went in for a kick and Jungkook easily blocked it making Minho lose his footing. He quickly caught it, but Jungkook was quicker (he was always quick, that was like his specialty), coming at him from the side of head with a hard side kick; Effectively make him drop to the ground with a groan.

"You probably should have worn your head gear," Jungkook smugly retorted his words from earlier, earning a glare from the boy as he turned away and made his way to his group.

All the students -- well not all mostly the girls and the few lower year 3rd dans, clapped happily for Jungkook, some holding their faces in surprise, others like the 4th dan holders were still laughing at Minho who was still on the floor holding his ear. Jungkook would have helped him up but his pride was still feeling some type of way after the kid mocked him.

"Lesson three: Never underestimate those of lower rankings. A title is nothing without skill." The grandmaster spoke and the students quieted immediately out of respect. "Minho you should know to never go in with a kick if you're not ready to catch yourself. You should have been taught that when you were a white belt."

Minho who was now standing arms crossed and grumpy, made his way back to his group with his lips pursed.

The old man then turned to Jungkook. "Jungkook ah, I can tell by your body language that you have your father's temper," Jungkook gave the teacher a blank stare, thinking to himself _was my temper really that obvious, were my parents right?_

"Don't worry you hide it well and unlike your father you know how to manage it better too," he smiled then turned towards all the students, "Composure is a good thing to have. You should never let an opponents words get to you, You should never get angry. That's just doing what they were wanting for you to do in the first place. But all inner anger does is cloud up your techniques and that's not a good thing."

Jungkook tried to listened to the grandmaster's words that oddly reminded him of his mother's but knowing he did something better than his own father, the man that tells him he would never be like him even if he tried was pleasing.

A small smile fell on his lips because the funny thing was Jungkook didn't want to be like his father, he wanted to be better.  
  
  
  


*  
  
  


"You didn't tell us you were coming back!" Hoseok exclaimed excitedly and slightly out of breath after running across the loud dance room when he spotted Jimin silently walking in.

Jimin smiled sheepishly at the older boy. "I wasn't exactly sure if I was gonna get the same classes with the same people so I didn't want to get your hopes up... s-sorry--"

"Don't be sorry! We missed you so much!" Hoseok cried happily as he pulled Jimin into a tight hug.

Jimin tried not to wince from how tightly Hoseok was hugging him and instead attempted to wrap his own arms around the older. As he and Hoseok hugged Jimin spotted Taehyung walking towards them and all the pain he was feeling was replaced with surprise.

Taehyung smiled brightly at him, box and all. He was clearly happy to see his friend as well, assuming how giddy the smile was. "Woah it's been so long since we've last saw you..." He spoke, eyes taking in Jimin's small frame once Hoseok let him go. The smaller had lost even more weight since the last time Taehyung saw him and said boy couldn't stop his heart from aching with worry. "You look..."

"Good!" Hoseok cut off Taehyung who forced a nod although he wanted to say _thin, too thin Jiminie!_

Jimin smiled softly at the way Hoseok tried to make him feel better about himself, though he knew Hoseok was bluffing by the tight expression he threw Taehyung when he brought it up. Jimin also knew he currently looked like a sick person from how pale he was -- amongst other things.

Yet instead of being negative about himself, something he knew Hoseok and Taehyung hated he looked up at them with hopeful eyes. "R-Really?"

Hoseok's answer was immediate, "Yes! Of course! You always look good!"

Jimin tried to smile more genuinely but _why was that so hard to believe..._

Taehyung bit his lip in regret then pulled Jimin into a tight hug. "How have you been ChimChim!?"

"Uh I've been okay I decided to take another semester of this class along with ballet--"

"Ah! That's gonna be so stressful Jiminie!" Hoseok groaned for the smaller boy.

Jimin nodded knowingly. "I know but I'm finally getting used to it so I want to get more experienced."

"But another semester of _ballet_? I thought you hated the class?!" Taehyung asked looking down at him with a baffled expression.

Jimin shrugged. "My teacher told me I had potential so I decided I might as well stay and it's not... _that_ bad anymore," he lied.

It was actually worse, his first day was like hell. The girls' exercises were _so_ much more extreme than the boys who did simple work out exercises that he was used to like push ups, sit ups, etc. Then they'd practice their jumping and spins. With the girls he had to stretch his body into such unnatural poses and he couldn't even do most of them (even though he was flexible) which led to him getting laughed at by the girls and scolded by Ms. B.

Day one and he already got scolded!

Jimin didn't know why he had expected her to be more easy on him now, if anything she was going to be even more hard on him since he was the only boy in a girls class. The only thing Jimin could do was remind himself that it was only the beginning and he'd get better eventually -- _hopefully_ was a better word, though he wasn't sure if hope was something he had in him especially when he was so used to good things in his life always going wrong.

"What about you? What are you doing here?" Jimin asked Taehyung, attempting to change the subject, not wanting to talk about himself anymore.

"I'm taking this class now!" The taller's happy smile reminded Jimin of a kid's for some reason and he couldn't help but giggle.

"No way? Really?"

Taehyung opened his mouth to speak but Hoseok spoke before he could, hands on his hips as he rolled his eyes.

"He got kicked out of the music department so he decided to try out dancing--"

"I didn't get kicked out! I kept failing so I quit there's a difference!" Taehyung huffed, still holding onto Jimin who didn't mind the affection at all. It was something he had been deprived of for a while now since Taeyang never really touched him affectionately anymore, he never really touch him at all honestly -- unless he was beating Jimin or if they were having sex. He didn't hug Jimin, cuddle him romantically (unless you call throwing an arm over his waist at night and mumbling 'If you leave I'll beat your ass' romantic) or even kiss him anymore _even_ during sex. He couldn't lie and say he didn't miss when Taeyang was affectionate because he did, it made him believe his boyfriend actually cared about him...

"Aww TaeTae why'd you quit I thought you loved playing music?" Jimin questioned, looking up at the taller and taking in his appearance. His ash blonde hair fit him really nice, Jimin wondered when he dyed it.

He sighed dramatically. "Yeah I did but it's just not my forte," his face brightened suddenly. "Oh oh! What I really want to get into is Taekwondo! My friend Yunhyeong said there's this guy Jeon Jungkue? I think that's his name...?"

Jimin froze at the familiar name, he and Hoseok watching Taehyung rub his fake beard like it'd help him remember.

"D-Do you mean Jeon Jungkook?" Jimin tried just for the sake of it, he knew his old friend used to do Martial arts when he was younger but he wasn't so sure if he was still doing it. Jimin also never bothered looking him up to see either because why bother? Jungkook was probably living his life happily without him and Jimin didn't need to ruin that like he ruined everything else.

Taehyung's eyes widened and he jumped happily, his hand pointing at Jimin whose eyebrows raised in surprise. "Yeah him! Do you know him?! My friend said he dropped this jerk guy named Minho on his ass! I watched one of his fighting videos and guys I need to make this dude my best friend!"

" _Hey_ we're your best friends!" Hoseok whined, pushing Taehyung off as he tried to hug him.

"I know but we can all be friends! You're gonna want to be his friend to after you see him fight wat-- Hey Jimin are you okay?" Taehyung cut himself off after seeing his friend looking very conflicted.

Jimin who was currently telling himself it couldn't be Jungkook -- _it can't! There's no way! --_ fixed his face with a small smile. "Ah yeah I'm okay I just..." _But what if it is Jungkook?_ Should he tell them he knew him? _No..._ Jungkook probably wouldn't want anyone to know they used to actually be friends.

Instead he said, "I'm just tired."

"Are you getting enough sleep?" Hoseok questioned worriedly though what he really wanted to ask was-

"Did you eat anything?"

'Good thing for Taehyung,' Hoseok thought to himself. The boy had no filter but Hoseok wasn't mad at it because he was curious too.

Jimin's smile faltered a little. He should have known they were going to ask him that after seeing him now. "Ah y-yeah..." It was an obvious lie that his friends saw right through but they didn't say anything to him about it so he just told himself that they believed him.

"Oh okay... maybe you _are_ just tired then." Taehyung who was trying to believe his friend agreed and Jimin nodded.

"What your boyfriend not letting you get enough sleep?" Hoseok who stood with his arms crossed tried not to sound too bitter with his joke.

Taehyung awkwardly laughed as Jimin's cheeks reddened because it was true just the night before Taeyang and he had sex, this was the reason why he slept through his alarm, It was because he was so exhausted after only getting three hours of sleep.

Luckily the teacher, Ms. Lee, called for the class to get settled and Jimin didn't have to answer any questions about Taeyang -- unless they ask him something after class, then he'd be doomed because he didn't know how to talk about the older anymore without feeling scared.

 _Scared!_ Just by talking about his own _boyfriend!_ It sounded pathetic but it was the truth he was _so_ scared of Taeyang that he didn't even like talking about him. Jimin felt almost as if the older could see or hear him (though he knew he couldn't and he was just paranoid) at all times since he was always finding out if Jimin did the simplest thing like going outside to take out the trash -- this ended in Taeyang telling him he couldn't take the garbage out anymore because he believed Jimin was seeing someone when he did so and also " _Taking out the garbage is a mans job and you're just a bitch so why are you doing it anyways?"_

Jimin didn't argue that time, knowing better to not do so anyways unless he wanted to get hit again like he had gotten two times earlier that day. But to Jimin's luck not talking back led to Taeyang assuming the smaller was ignoring him so Jimin ended up getting hit again anyways -- much to his surprise.

"Wow I see lots of new faces and lots of familiar faces!" Ms. Lee exclaimed happily from the front of the studio. "Jimin-sshi! I'm happy you're back! Did you miss us?" She questioned with a bright smile.

All the students turned his way, some who recognized him smiled or waved and he nodded shyly, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Aw still shy I see -- or are you just sick? You look pale and tired!"

Jimin paled even more at her bringing it up, "Um yeah just tired."

She nodded. "Oh okay. Make sure you get lots of rest okay? I heard you're the only boy training with the girls in your ballet class! That's so cool!"

Jimin blushed as his friends looked back at him, surprised. "Ah yeah... I am. I-It's fun I guess but I really missed this class so I decided to take both."

"Ah I see well I'll try not to work you too much!" She laughed then turned towards the rest of the class. "All of you remember this class is serious but I want you to be comfortable and have fun! Especially since we have a few new comers who I really want to see breakdown today!" She clapped her hands together. "Hmm... Any volunteers?"

"Me! Me! Me!" Taehyung exclaimed excitedly, bouncing on his feet.

"Alright Taehyung ah! I heard a lot about you from the acting department!"

Hoseok smirked. "What about the music department?"

"Hey!" Taehyung whined as Jimin giggled, the other students confused by their inside joke.

After a whole class of watching of going over old moves and watching Taehyung embarrass himself by dancing the whip and naenae, it was finally over.

"Hey Jimin do you want to go to lunch with us? It's been a while since you went! So please go with us!" Taehyung begged and Jimin bit his bottom lip in thought.

_How many days has it been since you've last eaten?_

He couldn't even remember but the empty hollow in his stomach was telling him he should probably eat something before he passed out.

"Um okay why not?" Taeyang wouldn't be home for a while anyways.

Taehyung's eyes widened and he and Hoseok exclaimed at the same time.

"Really?! You'll go?"

"Haha yes you guys." Jimin didn't judge them for being surprised, he usually always turned down their past offers to meet up for lunch or any other sort of outings so this was a big change.

"You don't have to be home to your boyfriend or anything right? No surprise plans right?" Hoseok confirmed as Jimin's face flushed in embarrassment and horror after remembering when he cut their sleepover short after telling them he had plans with Taeyang -- plans that were actually a couple slaps to the face.

"No... I'm sorry about that," Jimin sincerely spoke and Hoseok smiled wrapping an arm around the shorter boy.

"It's okay! I was just making sure your boyfriend won't steal you from us!"

"Yeah! I'm sick of him having you to himself all the time! We want to have you too!" Taehyung added and Jimin's shook his head softly, laughing after Hoseok groaned a 'That sounds so wrong Tae'

"Ah! You know what I mean! Stop teasing me!"

Jimin definitely missed hanging out with his two best friends and was happy It was so easy for them to fall into a conversation as they made their way to a small cafe that was on campus.

"That's all you're getting!?" Taehyung looked down at Jimin bewildered after he only ordered a muffin.

Jimin stood unsure, "Um yeah I'm not really hungry." Another lie, He was _starving._ But eating more than a muffin would probably have him hovering over a toilet somewhere and that didn't sound very pleasant.

Hoseok eyed Jimin warily. "Are you sure Jimin-ssi?"

Jimin tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Y-Yeah. I'm sure don't worry about me hyung."

"Okay then..."

After they got their orders: Jimin, a decent sized muffin and water; Taehyung, a foot long tuna sandwich, soda, and a bag of chips; Hoseok, a ham sandwich, cookies on the side, and banana milk -- The later two began making their way outside but Jimin stopped them.

"Ah guys can we sit inside?" He really didn't want Taeyang to see him with them if he happens to walk past the shop somehow.

"Why the weather is great today?" Taehyung replied obliviously, looking up at the sky to see if something was off.

"I know it's just I'm really tired and the sun will give me a headache," It wasn't a _complete_ lie, he could already feel his head throbbing along with the rest of his body that was still sore from yesterday and now today.

"Ah okay!" Taehyung agreed without argument and began making his way back towards the cafe while Hoseok on the other hand walked side by side next to Jimin.

"Hey are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes hyung, _I'm fine_. please stop worrying so much about me I hate when you do that it reminds me of Jin hyung," Jimin laughed a little.

"Have you talked to Jin hyung lately? He keeps complaining that you don't go over anymore," Hoseok frowned as they re-entered the shop and made their way to where Taehyung was sitting, looking up something on his phone.

"Ah yeah... I know I was just really busy, I'll try to see him soon though." Jimin knew Jin missed him a lot and was really worried about him but it was really hard for him to go see the older when Taeyang was around. Still, he didn't want his hyung to think that he just didn't want to go over to his place anymore when he really did; he missed the older's presence so much. He'd find a way to see him eventually.

Hoseok and Jimin took a seat at the booth on either side of Taehyung who was already munching on his food.

"Hey guys! Okay look at this video and tell me this guy isn't cool!" He placed his phone sideways and pressed play on the video with his knuckle.

It was a Taekwondo match and two guys around the same size were about to fight.

_"On this end we have Kim Winho, red belt, 147 pounds. And on this side we have Jeon Jungkook, Red belt, 145 pounds."_

Jimin's heart fluttered seeing how big Jungkook had gotten over the years. He could remember when he used to tell Jungkook that he would grow up to be very handsome and masculine, and _boy_ was he right. Jungkook was definitely handsome _and_ masculine though he still looked like the little boy Jimin remembered face wise, with his big doe eyes (that still looked blank and full of no emotion) and his small lips. He even still had his 'emo' haircut, the same haircut Jimin used to tease him for because it always made him look even more intimidating. Maybe that's why he kept it, maybe he just likes looking that way. The look fit him though so Jimin could see why he would if he did.

The fight began after both boys put on their head gear and bowed. Both of them went in with a kick; Winho, the boy Jungkook was fighting, kicked first but Jungkook was fast as he did a jump spin and kicked the boy from the side.

Jimin was stunned at the impact, he had only seen Jungkook fight one time when they were younger and the boy was beating up some of his bullies after school because they teased Jimin's height. Even then Jungkook's skills had stunned him.

Hoseok gasped as Taehyung cheered, "He's so quick!"

The boy, Winho, wavered trying to compose himself after his kick failed and he got hit, but Jungkook didn't let him off easily seeing as he just went in for another ruthless kick (that made Jimin flinch even through the screen!)

"Woah! Oh my god! Oh my god!" Hoseok cringed while Taehyung laughed.

Jimin covered his mouth as he winced for the boy that was currently backing up from Jungkook.

"Haha! He's running from him!" Taehyung busted out laughing.

"I would be running to after that kick to the face!" Hoseok added truthfully as he winced and shook his head.

Jimin was silent, biting his fingernails as he watched the referee break up the fight and start it again.

In the second round Winho tried to redeem himself by going in with his hands this time. Yet it just gave Jungkook an opportunity to kick him dead in the chest; And as Winho was falling, a kick to the back as well.

Winho forced himself to get up and Jimin could see Jungkook getting agitated because the boy wouldn't stay down.

In the last round, Jungkook went in first with a fast, hard kick to the other's stomach and Winho was not getting back up _this_ time. The referee finally declared Jungkook as the winner and a reporter ran up to him with a mic, cameras recording everything.

_"Ah Jungkook-sshi you just won the Busan's teen Taekwondo tournament how do you feel?"_

Jungkook, who was getting patted down with a towel by a corner man, had taken off his head gear then gave the interviewer his signature blank face.

_"I feel fine."_

The girl gasped, not expecting that answer. Jimin gasped too (on the inside) just from hearing Jungkook's voice again, it had gotten slightly deeper but it still had the same boyish tone.

_"Just fine?! You're not happy? You just won!"_

Jungkook blinked at her and Jimin knew he was irritated for some reason just by seeing his jaw tense.

_"Just fine."_

The lady hummed awkwardly.

_"Well okay then... Um we heard you're going to study at the Arts and Sports University in Seoul?"_

Jungkook nodded once, _"Yeah..."_

 _So he is here then?_ Jimin could feel his head race at that, he didn't know why he suddenly felt excited. Maybe it was the image in his mind of them reuniting and everything being okay; Them becoming best friends again. He knew that wouldn't happen though especially not when he had Taeyang around.

_"Wow nice! We hope to see you preparing for internationals! Fighting!"_

Jungkook gave a disinterested thumbs up and the video came to an end.

"This fight was from last year so I really want to seem him fight this year. He's cool right?!" Taehyung asked the others hopefully.

Hoseok nodded with a grim expression. "Ooh I'd hate to get on his bad side he seems really mean."

_"He's not mean... maybe a little introverted but he's really sweet when you get to know him -- well that's how he was anyway. I'm not so sure anymore,"  Jimin thought to himself._

"Aish... I wonder if that guy's teeth are okay?" Hoseok worried.

"It looked like they were bleeding!" Taehyung exclaimed. "Ah so cool! What'd you think Jiminie?"

Jimin blinked out his daze and nodded enthusiastically. "Um yeah cool!"

Taehyung smiled happily. "Right! Hey how'd you know that I was talking about him in the first place? Do you know him?"

Jimin froze on the spot as he thought of an excuse. "Um... I'm from B-Busan so I think the name just rang a bell somewhere in my head."

"Ah..." Taehyung and Hoseok nodded, believing the smaller easily this time. "That makes sense! Still we should go to the school fights when they have them. It'd be so much fun!"

Hoseok scoffed as he began eating his forgotten food. "What are you his biggest fan now?"

Taehyung nodded eagerly, mumbling an 'mhm' as he continued eating his own food.

Jimin began picking at his muffin once his stomach began rumbling from watching them eating.

As the other two began bickering about how Taehyung was or wasn't a bandwagon Jimin began eating his muffin slowly at first but then once his body realized how hungry he was, the smaller bites became easy, fast, hungry swallows and soon enough he was done.

He hadn't even noticed his friends had been watching him the whole time, Hoseok with his judging, worried eyes and Taehyung with a mouthful of food -- that he was currently trying to  himself to swallow down -- and the blank, unreadable expression Jimin had once seen before when they first met.

Jimin gave a sheepish expression, "I guess I was hungry..."

They didn't speak as Taehyung finally swallowed the food in his mouth then offered Jimin some of his chips, Hoseok passing Jimin two of his cookies as well.

They were both smiling encouragingly, no words needed to be spoken as Jimin grabbed a chip and bit into it, A small smile falling on his lips.

Luckily nobody talked about Jimin's eating habit for the rest of the lunch and they easily fell back into talking about other things. After lunch Jimin told them he'd see them later then made his way back home.

Yet although he was happy he could force himself to eat when offered he still found himself hovering over his toilet, a finger pushed down his throat as he mumbled and cried over and over, _you ate too much! It was too much! Why are you such a fucking... pig!_

Jimin took a scolding hot shower, feeling disgusted by himself. He threw on some of his pajamas even though he'd prefer to wear one of Taeyang's large t shirts but the older didn't like him 'wearing out his clothes'. He went to sleep exhausted and sick only to be woken up a few hours later.

"Jimin... Jimin... Jimin!"

Jimin jumped up startled, looking up at Taeyang with puzzled, wide eyes. He could feel a headache coming on already but ignored it because maybe Taeyang was waking him up because he saw him with his friends?

Panic ran through him as he pulled the covers up higher on himself, an automatic form of self defense -- as if the cover would protect when Taeyang beated the shit out of him. The older didn't seem angry but Jimin was never sure when it came to him so he still apologized.

"I-I'm sorry!"

Taeyang frowned pulling the cover off of him easily. "What are you sorry for..?" His frown deepened as he glared suddenly. "Did you do something? Did you break something?! Another one of my CD's?!"

Jimin shook his head quickly, feeling himself go smaller unconsciously as he remembered last month when he accidentally stepped on one of Taeyang's precious mixtapes. When the older found out he grabbed Jimin roughly by the neck of his shirt and pointed down at the broken CD case.

 _"That better not be my new mixtape,"_ is what he said and by Jimin's terrified expression they both knew it was.

Jimin ended up getting slapped over and over, Taeyang yelling at him to be _more fucking careful you dumbass!_

"No! I didn't! I-I didn't break anything! I just..." _Taeyang doesn't know about where you were today so stay calm and don't give any hints..._

"Um I... what are you waking me up so late for?" Jimin attempted to change the subject, glancing at the clock on the cable box to read the time. It was already 12 a.m and he was still so tired, his stomach hurt, and he was still sore from his 7 hour class schedule.

Taeyang eyed him warily and tossed his head over, motioning for Jimin to get up.

"Come on I need you to make me a choreograph for this new music I made today--"

Jimin stood up, a bewildered look spreading across his face as he questioned the older timidly, "R-Right now?"

Taeyang gave him a 'duh' face. "No Jimin tomorrow! Yes right fucking now! Jesus Christ you act so fucking slow sometimes!" Taeyang groaned pushing Jimin by his neck and towards the door.

Taeyang didn't miss the way the smaller flinched when he moved to push him either; The reaction making him feel even more powerful.

Jimin hated the fact that Taeyang had the nerves to smirk after he saw him flinch when he had expected to get hit, Jimin hated that he flinched so hard in the first place! He was such a punk really... he couldn't even man up and tell Taeyang that he didn't _want_ or even _feel_ like dancing.

Instead he just waiting for Taeyang to play the track once they got to the spacious living room.

When the track started it was slower than most of his songs, catching Jimin off guard. It was more of an R&B track and Jimin easily caught a beat from it, yet his moves weren't all that up to par since he didn't feel well.

Taeyang stopped the song with dark eyes and a pursed frown etched onto his face. "What the fuck are you doing Jimin? Are you playing with me right now!? Fucking dance!"

Jimin paused looking at the man cowardly as he tried to find his courage.

"Taeyang I-I don't really think I can do this right now--"

"Jimin if you don't give me a fucking choreograph I swear to god," He began walking towards the smaller and Jimin backed up holding his arms out in front of him.

"O-Okay-- Okay I'll try! I'll do it--"

"Then fucking do it then!" Taeyang stopped right in front of him and Jimin nodded furiously.

Taeyang walked back to the stereo and started the track again. Jimin easily found a rhythm as he swayed his hips to the beat, after a while he began dancing easily not even thinking about what he was doing, too afraid to mess up if he tried too hard. Too afraid to look up at Taeyang and see if he was approving it.

Luckily he did approve and as the song came to an end and Jimin got up from off the floor (where he had lowered himself for some reason -- he couldn't even think of; His mind too preoccupied with not trying to get hit), Taeyang came towards him.

Jimin shyly looked up at him from under his dark hair, the hair that Taeyang was now caressing (running his hands through) slightly roughly. He smiled a little and Jimin was confused because he just did two things he rarely ever did for him.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it?" Taeyang asked, rhetorically but Jimin shook his head anyways.

"That was fucking sexy baby..." the bigger man spoke huskily.

Jimin blushed, hating himself for loving the praise coming from the man who was just threatening to god to beat him.

"Y-You... liked it?" Jimin still found himself reassuring, looking at Taeyang as he played with his hands.

"Hell yeah... I think you deserve a present, cmon let daddy give you your present--"

Taeyang grabbed Jimin by his skinny waist and made a move for the bedroom but Jimin stopped him.

"Ah no it's okay you don't have to give me anything. P-Plus I don't really feel good, I-I'm still sore from the other time too, and--" Jimin's rambling stopped once he realized Taeyang didn't actually care about anything he was currently saying.

His hands trailed to Jimin's bottom and he squeezed hard. "Shh just let daddy make you feel better," he mumbled hotly against the smaller's ear.

Jimin gulped and let Taeyang drag him to their bedroom and soon enough they were both naked as the older pounded into him hard and relentlessly, the bed frame hitting the wall with every thrust -- probably irritating not only Jimin but the neighbors as well.

Taeyang said he was supposed to feel better yet he just felt worse -- which was expected because even though he had gotten use to Taeyang sliding into him whenever he wanted that didn't mean he enjoyed it.

The loud whiny cries that Taeyang took for pleasure were actually painful and uncomfortable since, like he said before, he was still sore; but not only that he just never seemed to _enjoy_ sex like that and at this point he told himself it must be a personal problem.

Taeyang never minded though, that he didn't get aroused like that; As long as _he_ got off that's all he cared about because even if Jimin did get aroused it's not like Taeyang would care or bother to get him off -- it happened once or twice, Taeyang leaving him  high and dry after only he came.

Something Jimin also said before was that he wouldn't be surprised if someone came knocking on the door from hearing Taeyang fucking him loudly through the hours of the night -- but yet, someone was now knocking at the door and Jimin froze, shocked, while a very sweaty Taeyang paused above him to listen, confusion running across his face.

The pounding just got louder and Taeyang slid out of him with an irritated groan. Jimin winced and looked up at Taeyang who was looking down at him expectantly.

"Go see who's at the fucking door!" He shouted. " _Fuck_ hurry up I was just about to bust! Bring me a beer back too!"

Jimin hurried off the bed, whole body aching from being sore and the feeling of emptiness ran not only through his ass but his whole soul. Jimin frantically looked around for something to throw on quickly.

"Just grab my fucking shirt!" Taeyang scoffed as he began lighting a cigarette. "What you gonna put on a whole fucking outfit to go check the door?!"

"B-But I thought you didn't like m-me wearing your clothe--"

"You're checking the fucking door!"

Jimin's face flushed, feeling dumb as he quickly picked up the large shirt Taeyang had threw off then quickly made his way to the front door, patting down his hair so it wouldn't be too crazy.

Jimin slowly unlocked the door and opened it, body freezing when he spotted who was at it.

Jimin had never felt so embarrassed in his life to find _Jeon Jungkook --_ his old best friend, his first crush, his _savior_ \--at the door.

Jimin could feel his eyes widen and his face pale as he took in Jungkook's angry gaze that seemed to drop to shock, then to confusion, then back to shock.

They seemed to have a stare off as they took each other in, well Jimin took Jungkook in and _wow_ was he even more good looking closer up -- bigger too, he was about Taehyung's height.

Jungkook though only quickly scanned down Jimin's body, stopping at his prominent collarbone (that the shirt didn't cover) then down his bare legs for a second, making the shorter male feel even more self conscious about them along with everything else -- especially the fact that he was in his boyfriend's t shirt (probably a clear indicator that they were just now having sex)

The same boyfriend that suddenly decided to shout from the bedroom.

Jimin jumped as Taeyang yelled, "Jimin what the hell are you doing!? Who's at the fucking door!? What do they fucking want!?"

Jimin cringed and looked back up to see Jungkook staring at him blankly. There was no emotion in his eyes, nothing, not even disgust which Jimin had expected especially after he saw how he looked. But there was nothing and Jimin thought maybe he could give a smile to his old best friend but then suddenly there was something in the taller's eyes... disappointment.

Disappointment that drifted to himself as he swallowed the hole in his chest. He had always imagined if they met again they'd run into each other's arms, crying, and hugging tightly -- not staring at each other awkwardly.

"Can you guys keep it down a notch? You do realize there are people under you who enjoy their sleep right?" Jungkook questioned monotone-ly.

Jimin felt his cheeks heat up as he nodded furiously. "Y-Yes I... I'm so s-sorry--" He stumbled over his words and cursed himself for it.

Jungkook rolled his eyes, "You should be sorry."

Jimin froze not expecting that from the boy the use to be his best friend, the boy who would never say anything like that to him since he was the one to always remind Jimin he shouldn't be sorry for things he can't control.

Jungkook was dead serious.

To make matters worse Taeyang came up from behind Jimin and pushed him out the way. Jimin bumped into the wall, wincing as Taeyang glared at Jungkook who was watching Jimin, a very humiliated Jimin.

Said boy averted his eyes as Taeyang shouted. "What the fuck do you want?!"

"For you to have some respect,"

Jimin's head shot up because _was he talking about Taeyang pushing him? Or..._

"You do realize you have neighbors right?"

Of course he wasn't. Jungkook didn't care about him anymore and he probably most likely never would...

"Of course I fucking realize! Who the fuck are you kid you have some respect!" Taeyang scoffed then turned back to Jimin who was watching them with a worried expression.

"What the fuck are you standing here for? I'll handle this since you can't do shit, just go get me a beer like I asked!"

Jimin felt his blood boil in embarrassment and shame as he backed up, catching Jungkook's unreadable eyes one last time as he did so.

Jimin then obeyed Taeyang and went to the kitchen to grab a beer, the last thing he heard was a 'respect your fucking elders and get the fuck away from my door' said door then slamming.

Of course Taeyang could care less about anyone's complaints or opinions because the next thing you know was he was downing his beer and then manhandling Jimin back into bed for another round -- much to the smaller's protests.

Jimin tried his best to be as silent as he could once he finally let Taeyang fuck him again -- only because the older started saying he didn't want him because he was seeing someone else. Obviously that wasn't true and even drunk Taeyang knew that.

Jimin also tried his best to get the disappointed look in Jungkook's gaze out of his mind but that was all he could think of, even after Taeyang finished, leaving him to rush to the bathroom and throw himself in the shower so he could stare at the tiles and think of how much of a disappointment he was... even to his first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know wtf! But if I would have reunited them happily it would've been way too easy and way too sappy! I love sap but it wasn't the time for that in that specific moment. You guys already got a glimpse of how Jimin felt so In the next chapter you'll get to see how Jungkook felt about seeing little Jiminie again! I'll try to update soon it should take me no longer than a week, hopefully sooner :) please comment what you think! Thanks for reading so far.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes :( I had a lot on the last chapter (which I edited) smh that's what I get for writing half asleep... anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter... a lot goes down.

Jungkook stared at the white door dumbfounded. The only thing running through his mind was _what the fuck, what the actual fuck._

He hadn't expected any of this when he had first woken up out of his sleep and heard the whiny cries, dirty loud groans, and insistent pounding. He just groaned because _fuck_ he thought the noise from earlier was only going to be a one time thing! But there his neighbors were, making more noise that he wouldn't -- couldn't-- ignore this time.

He jumped out of his bed annoyed because he could now hear the whiny cries more coherently now. He threw on a sweater, some sweatpants, and sliders then made his way to were the noise was coming from.

Once he got upstairs and to the door he wasted no time in knocking loudly; He could care less about the couples sex time because quite frankly it was corrupting _his_ sleep time.

Jungkook kept pounding even after he heard a male voice shouting at someone to go get the door.

Eventually after more shouting and Jungkook's (growing in annoyance) knocking, someone finally came to the door -- yet that someone was not who Jungkook was expecting what so ever.

The boy in front of him stared at him in shock and Jungkook wondered for a second if maybe he was a fan but then he realized he knew these eyes -- these beautiful oval eyes, cute wide nose, and plumped lips belonged to someone he knew -- Someone he forced himself to forget about a long time ago. Someone who he still couldn't forget about as much as he tried too and now all the memories of this person and him were flooding his mind and he did the first thing he knew how to do; Block it out.

He blocked the memories of him and Jimin out because today isn't then and memories are what they are -- _memories; in the past._

Jungkook hardened his gaze and looked over the boy that was obviously taking him in. He noticed a lot of obvious changes about the smaller, the most obvious though was all the weight he had lost. Jungkook couldn't remember Jimin being this skinny, The Jimin he knew had fat cheeks and thick thighs -- this Jimin had neither and Jungkook couldn't help himself from staring hard at the pale boy's prominent collarbones (under the over sized shirt he was wearing) and thin legs.

Once he realized what he was doing he averted his gaze back towards the short boy's face, noticing the slight bruise under his eye, his sunken cheeks, and tired sheepish eyes that his dark hair couldn't hide in its messy state.

Suddenly their little moment was cut off by a booming voice, and the smaller male jumped nearly out of his skin. "Jimin what the hell are you doing!? Who's at the fucking door!? What do they fucking want!?"

Jimin looked up at him with a cringe on his face yet all Jungkook could think of (as his face fell slightly) was _who the hell was the guy yelling at him like that?_

Though Jungkook was curious he quickly fixed a glare because it wasn't his business, Jimin wasn't _his_ business anymore. He could care less who talked to the smaller.

So instead he spoke aloofly, "Can you guys keep it down a notch? You do realize there are people under you who enjoy their sleep right?"

Immediately Jungkook watched Jimin's questionably sick and pale face go bright red. Jungkook hated himself for wanting to coo because Jimin still blushed so easily, but he also hated himself for being irritated after confirming it was in fact Jimin having sex by the way his face flushed.

Said blushing boy stuttered out, "Y-Yes I... I'm so s-sorry!"

Jungkook knew he was embarrassed but was it really that bad that he couldn't talk? He kind of sounded like... -- he _was_ the guy Jungkook bumped into earlier! He sounded so scared, like now...

Jungkook frowned, _he didn't care if he sounded sad._ "You should be sorry," came out of his mouth before he could stop it and a part of him wasn't even thinking about this moment, it was thinking about the time Jimin just up and left.

Jimin looked taken back for a second and then suddenly a bigger guy pushed him out the way. Jungkook watched the smaller's body knock into the wall hard and he couldn't help but feel his blood boiling.

_Why are you getting angry? It's not your problem!_

Jimin caught his eyes and immediately looked away as the man started shouting. "What the fuck do you want?"

Jungkook scanned the man quickly, taking in his tattoos, muscles, and other manly appearances. The only thing he was missing was his height but that still didn't stop him from looking imitating.

Though he looked intimidating Jungkook never backed down and his reply came easily, especially after seeing the dude just push Jimin out the way like that.

"For you to have some respect."

Jimin's head shot up in surprise, he and the unknown named guy (who's thin eyebrow was raised challengingly) probably didn't expect Jungkook's words.

"You do realize you have neighbors right?" Jungkook continued because he was still pissed about the noise from earlier.

The guy scoffed, "Of course I fucking realize! Who the fuck are you kid? You have some respect! The man then turned back to Jimin who had a worried expression on his face.

"What the fuck are you standing here for? I'll handle this since you can't do shit, just go get me a beer like I asked!" The guy shouted at Jimin who noticeably shrunk as he caught Jungkook's gaze one last time before he stumbled away.

Jungkook couldn't control the way his jaw tensed taking in that scene, it internally angered him because he couldn't do anything since _It wasn't his problem..._

 _"Are you sure about that?"_ A voice in his head asked and Jungkook shook it off as the man in front of him began speaking.

"Now you kid, how bout _you_ respect your fucking elders and get the fuck away from my door!"

Before Jungkook could react there was a door slamming in his face.

 _"What a pussy move..."_ Jungkook thought as he stood there.

You could say he was shocked (he was shocked, very shocked) _but_ that would have been an understatement because there was far more emotions going through him than _shock._ He was angry, he was confused, and overall he was worried. _He was worried._ He shouldn't be _worried... not anymore at least._

Not after seeing Jimin was still letting people treat him so badly after all these years, he was _still_ letting people run over him, he was _still_ not standing up for himself and Jungkook was disappointed, he was. But what could he do? If Jimin didn't want to look out for himself then why should he? Plus Jungkook had already moved on and by the looks of it so did Jimin.

He even had a boyfriend -- if that was his boyfriend? The guy acted like he was his father or something and that slightly (really) pissed Jungkook off because Jimin was an adult and he didn't need anyone (especially if the dude was his _boyfriend)_ talking to him like that -- like he was a child.

As Jungkook made his way back inside his own apartment and laid in his bed he couldn't stop the questions from running through his head.

_When did he come to Seoul?_

_Since when was he...gay? Has he always liked boys? ...Did he... did he ever like me?_

Jungkook shook that thought off immediately, a irritated grunt leaving his mouth at the sound of pounding again. It was louder and he was sure the guy was doing it on purpose.

_Why is the guy Jimin with a gangster wannabe jerk? Was he into those type of guys? Guys that treat their lovers like shit?_

_Why was he so skinny? ...Was he not eating right? Jimin never had problems with eating when they were smaller... in fact Jungkook was always sharing his meals with the older and Jimin always ate them happily._

Jungkook sighed. Why was he even worrying? He didn't care... he didn't! Well...he _shouldn't_ care. _But_ he did -- he cared. He cared so much after all these years, these years making himself believe he didn't care anymore when he truly did. After all these years of not getting close to anyone because he told himself he didn't want to get attached again -- when truly he just didn't want to replace Jimin.

Yet look at Jimin now, he had someone, he didn't need Jungkook anymore.

Jungkook wasn't even sure if the smaller remembered their times fully to be completely honest -- yeah sure Jimin obviously recognized him but overall he just looked lost. Like something in him was missing...

Jungkook wanted to know what happened to him, he wanted to know what was missing in him but... he kept telling himself he didn't _need_ to know. He shouldn't care because he came to Seoul for himself, his goals, _his problems._ Not Jimin's.

Yet the voice in his head kept whispering for him to figure out what was happening with his old friend.  
  


*  
  
  


Jimin shot up out of bed at the first ring of his alarm. His body was tired and achingly sore, his throat was dry as he forced himself out of bed, calmly now seeing that Taeyang didn't wake up from his alarm, probably being to sleep drunk to hear it. He was currently on his back sprawled out with his mouth agape, snoring loudly to the sound of hard rain as Jimin threw on a big sweater and jeans.

After Jimin slid on his boots he glanced back at Taeyang and bit his lip, remembering the times when he use to stare at the older's face in the morning. He could remember the big smile on his face as he thought of how amazing a boyfriend he was at the time... When he spoiled Jimin with dirty complements (that he liked _just_ because they were complements; he didn't hear them often) and unnecessary gifts, when Jimin thought Taeyang would never raise his voice at him let alone lay a hand on him.

Now look at them, Taeyang down talks him every day and only buys him things he needs. Jimin wasn't mad at the second one honestly because it wasn't like he cared about getting spoiled it was just... when Taeyang spoiled him it reminded him that the older cared. Now he only really gets him things when Jimin asks (he never asks) or if he really hurt the smaller boy and is worried he's going to leave or call the cops. That happened one time when Jimin accidentally burned Taeyang's dinner and Taeyang lost his temper and beat him in the kitchen until bruises were visible and Jimin was shaking, silent cries falling from his lips as he pleaded apologies and begged for the older to stop.

He remembered he could barely move afterwards, he ached so bad he thought something was broke. He forced himself to crawl from his spot on the kitchen floor towards his phone that had fell out his pocket but Taeyang caught him before he could call the ambulance. He yelled at him and told him it was his fault he had to beat him.

 _"If you weren't so fucking stupid I wouldn't have to do this! Now look at you! Lying on the floor like a little bitch! Trying to call the cops? What are you trying to put me in jail dumbass!?"_ Taeyang had pulled him up by his hair after he snatched his phone.

 _"N-Nooo! I wasn't I-I'm sorry! E-Everything h-hurts..."_ He had cried and cried until Taeyang got tired of seeing him on the floor and demanded he got up. Jimin was so scared he did what he said even if it pained him as he limped towards the bedroom (since Taeyang didn't let him sleep on the couch like he was planning to). He was so sore and sprained that he couldn't even go to class for the next few days, and every time he came out from under the blankets (where he was hiding under in their bedroom) he avoided Taeyang and only spoke to him when spoken to. Taeyang eventually got slightly worried (more annoyed than anything) and bought Jimin new shoes and earrings as an apology --though there wasn't a sorry said at all Jimin still forgave him because _he was right... it was his fault after all._

Not much had changed after that, Jimin still got beat, he still avoided Taeyang, he didn't speak to him willingly anymore and now he was even sneaking out of his bedroom trying not to wake said boyfriend up; not wanting to get yelled at or beat this early in the morning.

Jimin sighed softly and made his way towards the bathroom. He forced himself to look in the mirror and was happy Taeyang didn't leave any marks this time, the bruise on his face from the other day was noticeable though and Jimin frowned as he brushed his teeth, hoping no one saw it -- hoping Jungkook didn't see it. He couldn't stop thinking about the younger all night and was so embarrassed that he heard him and Taeyang having sex, even confronted them about it _and_ watched Jimin get pushed into the wall and called useless.

Jungkook probably thought so badly of him now. He probably thought Jimin was a weirdo now after he just stuttered and stared hopelessly at him.

Jimin frowned at that thought because he didn't want Jungkook to think badly of him... when they were younger he had always wanted Jungkook to think he was a great person, to look up to him (though it was more of the other way around now honestly). So of course he wanted to be friends again. It was only instincts, seeing your old best friend after so long of course you'd want to be friends again. He knew it wouldn't be that easy though or maybe even possible since Jungkook didn't seem very wanting of that.

 _But..._ he didn't seem like he had forgotten about their friendship either and that really made Jimin's broken heart flutter as he stared at his reflection in the mirror after wiping his face.

_Ew I need makeup..._

After Jimin finished covering his face in BB cream and applying lip gloss with lots of effort today since he didn't want people saying he looked sick or tired today -- _not_ because he was worried about what Jungkook thought about him...not at all.

Okay... maybe he was a little worried about what Jungkook thought about him and he found himself wanting to impress the younger for some reason; Probably since he believed he left a bad impression.

Once Jimin was content with his hair and makeup he placed in a few earrings and rings then made his way to the kitchen to get a water since he was still dehydrated. After he limped out the kitchen with a wince he grabbed his bag and silently made his way out the door and down the stairs -- slightly hoping he'd catch Jungkook so maybe he could apologize again for his awkwardness.

Luckily faith was in his hands today and said boy was standing in the elevator just about to close it. They made eye contact and Jimin froze -- _no! Don't freeze up now!_

Jimin awkwardly smiled until Jungkook's lip twitched, _teasingly_ for only a second then he fixed it with a raised brow. "So are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna take the stairs today too?"

Those words didn't help Jimin with loosing up at all but he stumbled inside the elevator anyways thinking to himself, _he knew I took the stairs?!_

Jungkook pressed down and then backed up to lean on the wall, he didn't take one glance towards Jimin who was standing in the corner with his hands pressed together. Jimin tried not to be sad that Jungkook wasn't acknowledging him, this was easy to do after noticing how tired Jungkook looked as he closed his eyes. Jimin then felt bad because he and Taeyang probably kept him up all night...

Something inside Jimin really felt the need to apologize again, there was the aching guilt he just felt towards the younger for some reason...

"H-Hey... Jungkook?" He got the courage to start.

The dark haired boy didn't look his way as he spoke uninterested, "What?"

Jimin gulped as he began to stammer. "U-Um... Again I'm r-really sorry about interrupting your sleep last night. I'm also sorry about m-my boy--" Jimin cut himself off slightly not know how Jungkook would react to his sexuality, he didn't want the younger to be disgusted with him so instead of saying boyfriend he just said Taeyang.

"--Taeyang. He can be a little rude about confrontation--"

Jungkook scoffed and Jimin bit tongue anxiously. "Why are you apologizing to me for your dick boyfriend? You should be apologizing to yourself, He treats you like shit."

Jungkook didn't know what came over him, he was just really irritated Jimin was apologizing for that douche bag.

Jimin's face flushed, he had never been confronted by anyone about his boyfriend. "Um... he was just having a bad day..."

Jungkook rolled his eyes, still not looking towards Jimin. "Everyone has bad days still doesn't give him as a boyfriend the right to treat you like shit."

 _"Then what was your excuse? As an old friend? What gives you the right Jungkook? To treat me so hostile as if we were never friends?!"_ Jimin wanted to ask those words but he didn't have the courage... plus Jungkook was still talking anyways.

"Then you just let him fuck you into your mattress all night? Do you have _no_ self respect?"

Jimin's ears tinted red as he stared towards the elevator ground. _No he didn't have self respect. There was nothing to respect about himself... he was just a dumb, useless, ruined waste of space anyways._

"It's not like I care. I'm just curious?"

 _"Why him?"_ Is what Jungkook wanted to add but stopped himself before he started to sound jealous.

"Um..." Jimin was tongue tied, he was embarrassed and overwhelmed. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to answer those questions, questions he asks himself everyday along with,

_Why are you still with him? Why don't you just leave!?_

He couldn't. He can't just _leave!_

Taeyang had already warned Jimin plenty of times before that if he left he'd just find him and beat his ass until he never thought about leaving again.

Once again Jimin just replied with, "He was j-just having a b-bad day..."

Jimin knew Taeyang wasn't just ' _having a bad day'._ Truth was Jungkook was right, Taeyang was mean -- he was worse than _mean._ But nobody needed to know that, especially not Jungkook. He'd probably just be even more disappointed if he knew how bad Taeyang actually treated him.

Jungkook finally looked towards him, a serious expression on his face. "I don't remember you having a speech disorder?"

Jimin noticeably looked thrown off as his face fell, he was _so fucking embarrassed._

He had a long list of things he was self conscious about but at the top of the list was his speech, he tended to stutter more and more these days and he couldn't help it. Taeyang always got annoyed with him for it and often called him names, failing to realize he was the main cause for it.

Jimin was always too scared or ashamed to talk to the older and when he did his anxiety would kick in and lead him to a stuttering mess -- that didn't just stop there. He started stuttering when talking to strangers, when he was at school and even when talking to friends. Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jin (who was known to be nosy) never judged him or asked him about it -- probably knowing he'd be too embarrassed to talk about it -- but he knew they were worried since it was getting noticeably worse.

Strangers or people in his classes would stare at him oddly on his extremely bad days but no one ever really asked him about it so of course he was caught off guard now.

"Um... I don't really like t-talking--" _dang it!_ "About it... but it's anxiety."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

Jimin looked up to find Jungkook gazing towards the elevator wall now, looking apologetic and maybe even worried?

"It's okay... it's not your fault." Jimin succeeded himself for not stuttering this time.

The apologetic face changed into his normal blank expression. "I know it's not my fault. I'm just sorry for you because not only is your boyfriend a dick but you can't talk either. Aish how do you do it?" Sarcasm dripped off his tongue in the last statement.

Jimin could feel his eyes tearing up, humiliated as he stared at Jungkook who didn't even look a little bit remorseful.

"W-Why a-are you-- why are being so mean Jungkook ah! Y-You were never this mean to me!" Something inside Jimin snapped at Jungkook's careless comment, he'd never usually raise his voice to anyone especially someone twice his size but Jungkook used to be... _his everything_. He use to be so sweet and sensitive towards him so of course he wouldn't take how the younger was treating him now.

Jungkook glared suddenly at him, walking closer towards him until Jimin shrunk in obvious fear. "Me!? What about you!? Why'd you leave! You were my only friend Jimin! My _best friend!_ My only fucking happiness and you had me worried sick! Seeing your body just lying-- lying there lifeless! I thought you were fucking dead! And then... and then I find out you just left! You just left me! When I was so fucking worried!"

Jungkook finished, eyes filled with angry tears he hadn't even realized he produced.

He wiped his face, pushed his beanie back then finally backed up after seeing Jimin's scared expression, he was shaking slightly and his head was down submissively almost.

"You know what forget it... it's fine I don't even care. It's in the past."

 _He cared so much it hurt,_ but it was in the past and Jungkook knew he was kind of being immature about the whole situation.

"Fuck! What's wrong with this elevator!" Jungkook suddenly groaned just now noticing the elevator had stopped. "This is not the fucking time for this shit!"

Jimin finally looked up, sniffling after he patted the wet tears that had ran down his face. "I-I think it's m-messing up because o-of the rain..." he mumbled watching as Jungkook  pressed the down button on the elevator repeatedly, it was obvious he was angry and frustrated by how hard he was pushing the button. He finally presses the emergency button once he was getting no response and the elevator moved then stopped abruptly, the lights flickering on and off.

Jungkook huffed a groan and angrily punched the buttons before he backed up and slumped against the wall across from Jimin who had jumped from the impact.

Jimin dabbed his nose before he sat down on the floor too, it was obvious they'd be in here for a while.

"J-Jungkook ah?" He whispered after a while, glancing over at the other cautiously.

"What?" Jungkook sounded like he had calmed down a little bit but he still didn't seem very interested in talking. Jimin still wanted to tell him everything though, he felt like Jungkook should know before he just throws their old friendship away for good; Their friendship he obviously still thought about.

"I'm s-sorry for worrying you, But I want you to know I didn't mean to l-leave you... Y-You... you were my o-only friend too. But I-I think you remember that... I wasn't very popular after all..."

Jungkook snorted. "Yeah..."

"I wondered... I wondered why d-didn't you come visit me when I was in the hospital just like you were probably wondering why I left... I just told myself you were probably busy or your parents didn't let you... I was disappointed and sad but I wasn't mad at you... I can never be mad at you... you were my everything."

Jungkook turned to stare at Jimin, he was still playing with his hands, in total thought as he spoke.

"When my mom got labeled as an unfit parent t-they sent me to the orphanage. It was a nice place but the kids... the kids w-were so h-horrible there, they were more mean than the kids from home... They teased me about everything you could think of... my family, my height, my weight, my looks...my s-sexuality... the older boys hit me a lot..." Jimin's voice cracked just talking about it. "I cried myself to sleep e-every night thinking of you. I missed you so much, especially when I had no one to protect me from bullies anymore." Jimin smiled tightly glancing towards Jungkook who looked conflicted.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get you to feel bad for me or anything. I know you said you didn't c-care but I just wanted you to know--"

" _What_ happened to you Jimin? _Then?"_ Jungkook asked seriously, he knew he shouldn't care -- he told himself he wouldn't but disappointedly he did, and though it was in the past like he said, this question has been wondering inside his brain for so long now and he just needed to know.

Jimin knew what the younger wanted to know and could feel himself breaking down at the authority of his voice, and also at all the memories of _Daesuk_ sworming his brain. He had nightmares every once in a while still and Taeyang would slap him until he woke up and then go make him go sleep on the couch...but overall he didn't think about that time -- of course he didn't... who'd want to think about when they got raped? No one.

But yet here he was thinking about it. Loose tears streamed down his face automatically and Jimin covered his face from a surprised Jungkook as he forced the words out.

"I-I... m-my mom's... my m-mom's boyfriend... he h-he..." Jimin didn't want to say it, he didn't want to admit what happened to him again. After so long it just hurt even more to talk about it, he hadn't even told Taeyang or Hoseok and Taehyung about it. The only other knowing person was Jin and he knew already not to bring it up.

Yet Jungkook's jaw clenched at those words alone anyways. He had a feeling he knew exactly what had happened... and he wasn't going to force the smaller to talk about it when it clearly still hurt him to even think about it.

Jungkook stared at the elevator wall, trying to control the anger seeping threw his veins. "You don't have to say it... I just want to know one thing... did he touch you? _Like that?"_

Jimin wiped his eyes as he spoke with a nod. "...Yeah."

Jungkook turned the other way, letting out a deep breath as he contemplated on punching the elevator wall or not. He decided he probably shouldn't... unless he wanted his hand broke.

"What did your mother do?" Jungkook wasn't sure if he was ready to hear the answer to this question, he knew Jimin's mother (sadly) was a crack head and treated him badly but her son got raped by her own boyfriend so she had to have done something right?

In a small voice Jimin mumbled, "S-She called me a w-whore--"

And Jungkook thought _his_ parents were bad, _Jesus fucking Christ_. "You're joking with me right..?"

Jimin shook his head with a sad laugh. "N-No... no I'm not. She said I was a whore just... just like my father."

Jungkook couldn't speak, he knew he'd say something disgusting about Jimin's mother so he just kept his mouth shut.

"I ran away... looking for you," Jimin felt his face heating up in embarrassment. "The d-doctors said I passed out and you found me... I never got to thank you for finding me Jungkookie. So thank you..."

Jungkook nodded tensely but one thing was still bothering him. "Where's the guy now?"

Jimin looked back at Jungkook curiously, the younger was staring hard at the elevator wall his arms crossed.

"Um... I-I think he's still in jail?"

"Good. I'd probably kill him if he wasn't."

Jungkook didn't know why he said it, he guessed it was just the first thing on his mind and it happened to have slipped out his mouth. He could regret his unwanted feelings later though, now he was angry.

Jimin stared at Jungkook with a startled expression, "Jungkook... p-please don't talk like that. Please," he begged. Jimin seemed to dislike violence more and more everyday.

Jungkook turned towards him with a scoff, "Why?! He fucking-- he fucking _raped_ you Jimin! He _raped_ you!"

The word was officially said and Jimin looked down ashamed. "It was-- I-it was my fault! If I wasn't so vulnerable looking or maybe I-if I had more muscle--"

"Are you fucking kidding! You can't control something like that! Getting raped isn't your fault! That bastard is just a disgusting piece of shit that took advantage of you! And so are the kids at the orphanage! How did they even allow stuff like that to go on?" Jungkook was finally showing that he truly cared and though it felt good to ask all the questions going on in his mind now he knew he'd really regret it later.

"I thought you d-didn't care...?" Jimin was surprised by Jungkook's sudden outburst, seeing as he truly believed the younger didn't care.

Jungkook sighed glumly. "Believe me I tried not to..."

Jimin heart ached as he looked away.

"But It's hard not to care about you, especially when I've been worried about your well being for all these years."

Jimin's head turned towards him slowly, eyes wide as he questioned, "You have?"

"Of course I have. You were my only friend after all..."

Jimin smiled, a real smile sweet smile  that had Jungkook's own lip twitching up for a second.

 _"Wow... his smile_ _is_ _still so pretty..."_ he found himself thinking and quickly averted his eyes not liking the feeling in his chest at the sudden thought.

"I'm still curious about the orphanage..." luckily Jimin didn't notice his abrupt subject change or his sudden internal awkwardness.

"O-Oh... what about it?" Jimin didn't mind talking about most things that happened to him in the orphanage, it was much easier than talking about _other_ things.

"How did they let bullying go on in an orphanage I just don't understand..." Jungkook frowned to himself.

"Well... t-there's only t-two workers there with about 25 kids so... pretty easily I guess."

"Hm... were you the only one getting bullied?" Jungkook asked, sneaking a glance at Jimin who was nervously playing with his sweater, that ran past his tiny fingers.

He nodded, soft black hair falling past his eyes. "Yeah... everyone there had already known each other s-since they were kids... so they were like a family and saw me as an outcast." He wouldn't go into details.

"Did you tell anyone..? About how they treated you?"

Jimin shook his head sheepishly. "My hyung Jin finally found out when he found me in the bathroom after... after some boys..." Jimin sighed a heave, trying not to cry again. He's never talked about what actually happened in the bathroom that day, but he still found himself trusting Jungkook enough to tell him -- _if_ he could tell him.

Jungkook stared at Jimin in disbelief, waiting for him to finish. All types of thoughts were running through his mind but the main one was on the tip of his tongue, waiting to ask.

Jimin let out a shaky breath, "P-Please don't judge me."

"I'll try." Jungkook's blank and waiting stare making this harder for Jimin to talk about.

"I was experimenting with makeup..." Jungkook's expression didn't falter and Jimin found himself continuing. "And-- and the older boys caught me. They locked me inside the bathroom with them and then started calling me mean names. They told me that If they gave me a full face then I'd probably look like a girl then they... t-then they..." His voice broke off suddenly and Jungkook finally asked the main question on his mind.

"Did they...? Did they touch you too?"

By the way Jimin wasn't meeting his eyes, Jungkook knew they did and his blood was boiling.

"Y-Yeah... but not down t-there, they just... they just made me do something for them. I said n-no of course but they just h-hit me until I did it."

"What did they make you do?" Jungkook couldn't help himself, he knew he shouldn't be this curious or concerned especially after he told himself he'd leave it alone but he just _couldn't_ leave it alone.

Jimin's face visibly reddened as he spoke softly. "T-They... they made me get them off... with m-my mouth."

Jungkook shook his head with a tsk, Jimin had a feeling he was disgusted with him; he didn't blame him, he was disgusted by himself everyday.

"What did your hyung do?"

"Oh um... I-I didn't tell him about it..."

Jungkook looked back at Jimin bewildered. "What!? So you just let them get away with forcing their dirty dicks down your throat?"

Jimin wrapped his arms around his knees self consciously, biting his lip in shame. "I-I didn't want to start anymore problems..."

Jungkook sat back with a rough sigh, "You're still selfless I see..."

Jimin shrugged. "It's just e-everyone already hated me so I didn't want to cause more p-problems."

"I still don't understand how could anyone hate you... I couldn't even if I tried. And believe me I tried," Jungkook admitted.

Jimin's face flushed, wondering whether or not Jungkook's words were a good or bad thing. "You've tried to h-hate me..?"

"Of course I did, when you first came up to me being annoying and thanking me for telling those boys off. I wanted to hate you just like I hated everyone else but I couldn't especially when you started to cry," Jungkook smiled softly at the memory. "I hated seeing you cry... and I think I still do. You're kind of an ugly crier." Jungkook's smiled widened at his sly joke, noticing Jimin pout.

"I only cried because you were being mean! You're still mean! Y-You don't even call me hyung anymore..."

"You so tiny... it's kind of hard to call you hyung--" The sound of Jimin's belly growling loudly cut Jungkook off.

Jimin blushed furiously at both Jungkook's words and his belly.

"Was that your stomach?"

Jimin nodded shyly. "I-I think so..."

Jungkook bit his lip, trying not to obviously stare at Jimin's small frame. "Are you hungry? I don't know how much longer we'll be in here but I have crackers...if you want some?"

Jimin shook his head, though his stomach was growling he wasn't quite ready to feed into the emptiness. He still felt bad about eating so much in the first place.

"Oh no I'm okay..."

Jungkook raised a brow, knowing that if his stomach growled _that_ loud then he had to be extremely hungry.

"R-Really, I'm okay."

Jungkook couldn't help but be slightly worried about Jimin's size and usually he was known to be a little straight forward with things and he usually had no problem with asking questions if he was curious -- it didn't matter whether they were rude _or not --_ yet the question he wanted to ask Jimin could be really inconsiderate depending on the outcome.

"You know... you've lost a lot of weight since we were kids." He started not knowing how Jimin would take the subject.

Said boy visibly tensed and Jungkook internally cursed. "Oh... yeah. I'm a dancer so I have to stay thin."

Jimin wasn't technically lying, in ballet class especially, he had to stay thin so he could dance easier and blend in with girls.

Jungkook gave an _'Oh'_ yet he had a feeling that the subject was deeper than that but he decided not to push it because he shouldn't be worried anyways; It wasn't his place anymore, Jimin and him had grown apart and he wanted it to stay that way, although it probably wouldn't be easy since Jimin had already dug out hidden sides of him that he had sworn he'd never show anyone again.

Yet he did, he let his careless facade drop and he showed his curious, worried, and angry emotions.

You could say Jungkook was quite disappointed with himself for letting the smaller get to him, but that's just what Jimin was known to do to him, he made Jungkook _feel._

And that's why Jungkook needed to end this relationship before it resumed. He couldn't let Jimin in his life, not now, not when he had to focus.

He _promised_ himself he wouldn't let anyone else in and he meant it, he couldn't let himself get sidetracked with emotions, he couldn't let himself get hurt.

Not again.

Jungkook kind of felt bad for leading Jimin on by smiling and telling him he cared -- which he did, he did care -- but he shouldn't. He shouldn't care and Jimin shouldn't know that he did care.

Jimin noticed Jungkook's slight mood change but he didn't speak on it -- he couldn't speak on it, especially not when the elevator jolted on and Jungkook jumped up seemingly ready to leave immediately; As if he couldn't stand to be in a room with Jimin for any longer.

 _"He's probably sick of me..."_ Jimin frown to himself, sadly.

Jungkook noticed Jimin's dwelling expression, thinking that the older was probably worried about where they stood -- relationship wise.

Jungkook didn't know what to tell him and even if he had already told himself he wouldn't continue their friendship he still found himself not wanting to hurt Jimin's feelings.

So instead he spoke with his blank face on, eyes unwavering of any showing emotion as he looked back at the smaller.

"I'll... I'll see you around."

He didn't know why he said that (seeing as he just told himself he wouldn't lead Jimin on) but he did and he said it because he had a feeling that even if he didn't want to let Jimin -- who just gave a small hopeful smile -- in his life again, that still wouldn't stop them from meeting again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that happened! Initially I had planned to make Jungkook be extra cold hearted and just ignore Jimin in the elevator but I changed my mind... Tell me what you think! Its going to get veryinteresting in the next few chapters.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait and any mistakes!

"Jimin! Bring your ass here real quick!"  Taeyang called from in the living room where he was going over recorded tracks with his friends.

Jimin who was in the bedroom massaging his bruised and sore toes, shot up at the first call of his name.

He internally whined because he _really_ didn't want to get up.

There was a reason though, ever since he's been dancing more and more on his points (tip of his toes) it's been taking a major toll on his feet. They we're always swollen and sore; today he even had his first couple of bloody blisters! He thought he wouldn't even be able to walk home, the pain was so unbearable.

Yet he got up anyways when Taeyang called him, even if he could've just ignored his boyfriend and went to sleep (which he was just about to do; already in his pajamas and everything) since it would've been easier than walking on his sore feet right?

Well not exactly... even if the thought crossed his mind he rather not get woken up to a beating from an angry Taeyang once his friends finally left.

That was the only good thing about Taeyang having friends over, he _never_ bugged Jimin.

Jimin knew the older was ashamed of him, thus the reason he never showed him off to his friends and always ordered him to stay in the room when they came over.

Jimin wasn't always knowing, at first (when he was in denial about Taeyang not loving him) he was curious and wanted to know why he had to stay put. When he asked Taeyang if he could come out and meet his friends Taeyang got angry and accused him of wanting to fuck them, Jimin was appalled of course and decided to never ask again.

He was still like that today, never wanting to question Taeyang just in case it back fired on him or Taeyang got mad at him _for_ asking questions -- this was actually something that happened often. Taeyang hated getting questioned even for the littlest things. Jimin knew that so he tried not to do it, even when he really wanted to like on the nights where he sometimes heard female voices laughing in the middle of the older's little friendly gatherings.

Overall Jimin thought it was a bit weird that Taeyang was calling him _now_ when he usually restricted him from coming out when he had any of his friends over.

He didn't over think it though and just made his way towards the living room quickly.

"Yes?" His small voice spoke out from where he was hiding in the hallway behind the wall, over a soft beat playing from the speaker.

Taeyang was sitting in the middle of Suga a short, soft but blank faced man; Jimin had only spoken to him once and in that amount of time he was very distant and quiet. Then on the other side of Taeyang was some guy Jimin had never seen before, but he had a sly expression and his dark hair resembled Taeyang's when Jimin had first met him; it was pushed back and shaven at the sides.

Taeyang's hair, which he was currently pushing back to look up at Jimin, was lighter and had grown out a lot. Jimin had sweetly offered to cut it a few days ago but Taeyang told him he couldn't do shit and that he didn't want his stupid ass to fuck up his hair. Jimin was slightly crestfallen at the rude names and also that his boyfriend didn't trust him; he was just trying to be a good boyfriend... trying to be nice... _trying_ in general!

Jimin whose cheeks were reddening uncomfortably at the memory watched as Taeyang placed his hands back on the blunt he was rolling on the coffee table and motioned with his head for Jimin to come over.

"Why the fuck are you just standing there? Come here!"

Jimin placed his slightly shaking hands together, ignored the small snort that fell out the nameless boys mouth, and tried not to wince as he walked closer to them.

He noticed Namjoon was sitting on the other couch, looking slightly uncomfortable but he gave Jimin a small but friendly smile.

Jimin timidly offered him a tiny one as well then quickly turned back to Taeyang, hoping he didn't notice but luck was never on his side and Taeyang was already staring at him tensely, his face inscrutable.

Taeyang's pissed eyes turn downwards as he brought his blunt to his lips to lick it closed.

It was not a secret anymore that Taeyang didn't just smoke cigarettes but he also did drugs. At first he had only drank in front of Jimin, who didn't really mind until Taeyang started hitting him and becoming crazy after he drank. Then it just got worse when he started doing other things like weed -- which Jimin probably wouldn't have minded that much if it didn't make Taeyang paranoid -- pills and ecstasy, then the worst cocaine.

Jimin was really taken back when he first found out his boyfriend was doing cocaine, luckily he didn't do it that often. Nevertheless it was still really scary, the drugs in general (Taeyang passed out the first time Jimin found him and began freaking out (crying and all) when he didn't wake up, the only thing he could think of to wake him up with was cold water. It worked of course but a still high and slowly withdrawing Taeyang beat his ass for it) and how foul Taeyang treated him when he was on said drugs.

Honestly the whole situation just reminded him of his mother and Jimin prayed every time that Taeyang took a hit of something, he wouldn't turn out like her.

Little did Jimin know was that Taeyang had never been the man he had met in the first place, the man he was brainwashed to appreciate, the man he thought loved him -- the man that was now openly showing Jimin the _real_ him; the real him who didn't love Jimin.

"I need you to show me that dance again, there's a gig coming up at a club and I want you to perform with Suga and Rapmon... earn us a few bucks," Taeyang explained, eyes still trained on his blunt and not Jimin whose eyes suddenly went downcast as he frantically searched his brain for the dance he came up with a couple weeks ago.

_"Oh god...What did I do?!" Jimin internally cried._

Taeyang probably wanted the same exact dance he had done, the only problem was Jimin couldn't think of any of the moves he made up what so ever. He could probably try and wing it but Taeyang had this thing were he remembered everything little (sometimes irrelevant and petty) detail unless of course he was drunk or high -- he was neither then, so he most likely remembered.

"U-Um I-I'm r-really sorry Taeyang but... I don't t-think I remember..." Jimin began to stammer, eyes flickering away from all the watching eyes as he nervously tapped his fingertips together.

Taeyang still didn't meet his eyes, his face was oddly blank as he tried to keep his cool. "You don't remember what?"

Jimin let out a shaky breath as he looked towards the ground ashamed. "Uh... t-the dance."

Taeyang's head finally shot up as he gave Jimin a hard stare. " _You don't remember the dance?"_

Jimin internally winced at Taeyang's blasé tone.

"N-No I...I'm s-sorry." Jimin mumbled softly, watching how Taeyang tongued his cheek as he nodded seemingly understanding.

Jimin knew Taeyang was angry and honestly he expected the older to just send him off for now and beat him later. Not for Taeyang to drop his blunt, stand up off the couch, and begin making his way towards the bedroom.

"Come here Jimin."

Jimin stuttered out, heart suddenly racing because he _knew_ this tone. Simple, misleading, scheming; It was the tone Taeyang used whenever he felt as if Jimin didn't something 'wrong', the tone he used when he was about to beat Jimin's ass.

"R-Right now?" _Taeyang wouldn't do anything when his friends were here right?_

Said man looked back at Jimin sharply, anger now obvious and roaming his eyes. " _Come here_ _Jimin."_

Jimin's knees buckled slightly as he felt himself growing small. He wanted to whine out because he knew what was going to happen if he followed Taeyang into their bedroom.

He didn't even care to look back at the curious eyes of Taeyang's friends as he started to beg. "B-But--"

"Jimin if I tell you to come here one more time..."

Taeyang was already in the room now while Jimin was still standing unsure. He gulped glancing back at Taeyang's friends one last time; Suga was staring at the coffee table face blanked minding his own business, the unknown guy was smirking as he scrolled down his phone, and Namjoon was giving Jimin a worried frown.

Jimin just sighs shakily, a fearful pout making its way onto his face as he slowly makes his way towards the bedroom.

Taeyang motions for him to take a seat next to him on the bed and he does reluctantly, feeling that maybe he's just overreacting because Taeyang wouldn't hit him while his friends are outside their bedroom right?

Said man suddenly gets off the bed and closes the door. Jimin watches, his anxious expression turning into a pained one when Taeyang unexpectedly slaps him hard after making his way back.

Jimin yelped, hand going to grab his hurting cheek (that probably going to have a bruise from Taeyang's rings) but Taeyang was faster as he wrapped the same hand he slapped Jimin with around said boys soft neck, tightly.

Jimin choked immediately, eyes widening with a petrified gleam in them as Taeyang pushes him back roughly against the bed and hovers his body over Jimin's own. "T-T-Taeyang! W-Why are you doing t-this!? P-Please st--stop!"

"You don't fucking remember?! Are you trying to make me look like a fucking fool?!"

Jimin attempted to shake his head as his little hands pull at Taeyang's bigger hand.

"I'm trying to get shit done! Pay fucking bills and you can't even remember a fucking dance!?"

He could feel his lungs tightening already as he gasps desperately for air.

"I-I'm s-sorry! I'm s-sorry! P-please...Please! T-Taeyang I c-can't breath--"

"Shut up! Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" Taeyang growled as lifted and pounded Jimin's head (by his neck) into the mattress repeatedly, like he was a rag doll. "I already told these fucking people you'd perform for them and you pull this shit! Well guess what I'm not fucking canceling shit! So you're dumbass is gonna force yourself to remember the dance or come up with a new one by this weekend or else..." he leaned into Jimin's ear, hot breath growing goosebumps on his skin. "I swear to god Jimin I'm going to fucking _kill_ you."

Jimin's extremely red face was paling purple now and Taeyang finally let him go, only to pull him up roughly by his hair instead.

Jimin coughed out profusely, already feeling the bruises forming on his neck as he held it. He then cried out loudly as Taeyang yanked him upwards by his hair.

"Get up! Get the fuck up! Stop being fucking dramatic! Fuck! You act like such a bitch sometimes."

Jimin couldn't stop himself from crying as he attempted to wipe the running tears off his face.

Taeyang rolled his eyes and let go of Jimin's hair to instead push his hands off his neck and grab him by the neck of his shirt. "Are you done?"

Jimin nodded frantically, his own hands gripping Taeyang's hands on his shirt in fear that the older would choke him again.

Taeyang huffed, pushing Jimin's scared body off of him as he walked towards the door.

"You better give me a new dance by Friday Jimin," was the last thing he said before he slammed the bedroom door shut.  
  


Jimin knew Taeyang's friends heard most of what happened and he was really embarrassed about it... but what could he do?

Nothing... he could do nothing but cry.

Jimin's hands immediately went to his neck as he dropped to the ground in a silent cry. He knew he probably shouldn't be crying just in case Taeyang walked back in and saw him but he couldn't help it... he was so embarrassed.

But not only that -- he _hated_ when people touched his neck and even if Taeyang didn't exactly know why Jimin hated it so much at least he knew it was a weakness.

He _knew_ it was a weakness and he used it against him.

Jimin wanted to hate him for it but he couldn't because he thought it was his own fault in the first place. Like if he would have just remembered the dance in the first place Taeyang wouldn't have had to use it (his weakness) against him, he wouldn't have _had_ to hurt him.

"I'm so _stupid!"_ Jimin scolds himself in a whisper as he rocked back and forth.

"No wonder Jungkook h-hates me..." he found himself mumbling as he laid his head on his knees.

It had been about a few weeks since Jimin and Jungkook's little incident in the elevator. They hadn't ran into each other since, which was really surprising since they _did_ happen to live in the same apartment building.

Jimin easily came to the conclusion that Jungkook _had_ to be avoiding him by leaving earlier in the morning so they wouldn't see run into each other.

This conclusion was actually true, Jungkook _was_ avoiding Jimin because like he said before, he didn't want the older to think they were friends again, he didn't _want_ to be friends again, he didn't _want_ any type of relationship with Jimin... ( _or_ at least he told himself that)

Jimin of course was a little discouraged and disappointed because he had hoped they'd become good friends again -- or at least just friends in general -- but sadly Jungkook didn't want anything to do with him.

To make matters worse, after the incident in the elevator he had gotten in trouble with Ms. B for missing his second day of practicing with the girls. She scolded him in front of the whole entire class room, telling him that dancing with the girls was a privilege not a right and he should be appreciative since she gave him a chance. She then threatened to revoke him from continuing if he missed another day.

Jimin was a stuttering mess, literally on the verge of tears trying to explain to Ms.B why he missed the class but she didn't want to hear any of it and instead made him work _even_ harder that day to make up for it, while his dance partner Mina teased him for the rest of the class period.

 _"I-I-I was s-s-stuck in t-the... in t-the elevator s-so-so,"_ she had mocked him in a taunting whisper when Ms. B was helping a girl in the back of the classroom _._

_"I find it funny how you thought she'd care. Nobody cares about your excuses... Haha nobody here even likes you."_

Jimin's face had flushed, angry and embarrassed, as he tried to block out her voice and the other girls around them who were laughing at him as well,  instead of standing up for him.

It wasn't like he had expected them to stand up for him anyways though (he didn't even stand up for his damn self), since all the girls did worship and follow everything Mina did as if she was their queen or something _just_ because of the simple fact she was the best dancer -- and also because she had double eyelid surgery to make herself look more American; Something lots of girls in his classroom thought was needed to be beautiful. Jimin didn't think it was necessary, he was sure she looked pretty even before she had the surgery. The only thing really ugly about her was her attitude honestly.

But enough of Mina let's get back to the real scenario; It was never as easy for Jimin to block out things (like Mina's brash attitude) as it was for maybe someone like Jungkook, who could easily ignore a person right in their face when he needed to or if he just felt like it.

That was usually only because he didn't really care what people thought about him; Jimin on the other hand did.

He cared what everyone thought because he had been so used to people degrading him and telling him what he was or how he should be.

And it took a toll, it really did. It fucked his mind up to the point where he didn't even know what to think of himself, he just knew what people told him he was.

_Useless._

_Stupid._

**_Pathetic whore._ **

It was hard to believe when people told him something good about himself because he often found himself not thinking he deserved things like that (to be complemented etc) but yet he couldn't stop his heart from warming and his eyes from watering when they did.

Eventually when people think good of you it turns into love and that... that was something Jimin couldn't help himself from wanting.

He told himself he didn't deserve _love_ but nonetheless It was still something he _craved,_ something he didn't know how to react to when he did indeed feel it.

His friends loved him, they told him all the time but Jimin was never sure if they were serious or saying it just to say it.

Taeyang used to tell him that he loved him, especially after he hit him; it was something he did when he wanted Jimin to forgive him and of course Jimin always did. He was so gullible to Taeyang's fake guilt, so blinded and brainwashed by fake love.

Nowadays Taeyang _never_ told Jimin he loved him, even after he hit him. Yet Jimin still always found himself forgiving him anyways just for the simple fact that he still wanted to tell himself Taeyang cares, Taeyang loves him, Taeyang wouldn't hurt him if he didn't -- he only hurt him because he cared.

That's what he thought... _that's what Taeyang tells him._  
  
  


*

The next day (after Jimin's little melt down from Taeyang choking him) is awkwardly strange.

Everyone has been staring at Jimin -- no it's not his anxiety he tells himself, it's real this time; people are actually staring hard today when usually they just glance at his skinny figure worriedly (or judgingly, sometimes enviously) then avert their gazes.

Today people have been staring at not only his figure but a certain area -- He had to rush to class today after sleeping in because he was exhausted from coming up with an acceptable dance (he'd remember) all night; therefore that meant he didn't have time to even put makeup on let alone stare in the mirror.

It also meant Jimin had no idea why everyone was looking at him.

He finally finds out in class when Mina tells him about it, rudely of course.

"Damn what'd you do fairy? Choke yourself in your sleep? You look like the main character from the exorcist."

Jimin's eyes widened at the word 'choke' and his hands automatically reach to cover his neck as everything from the night before comes back to him.

_Taeyang choked him._

The soreness he was feeling in his throat made sense now, _the stares_ made sense now.

Jimin couldn't believe he forgot about it, he couldn't believe he didn't remember enough to cover it up -- to cover up the bruises that he was way too familiar with to just easily forget about.

He was _so_ _stupid!_

How could he forget something like this?! Something so easy as covering up, something so easy as just... hiding his boyfriends anger towards him.

It was true he was stupid... but he was also tired. He was tired of having to hide but it was his fault in the first place. It's his fault if people start wondering now, if people start asking questions about what happened to him; asking questions about Taeyang.

_No one but your friends know about Taeyang._

Maybe now it was a good thing Taeyang hides him away in the dark because strangers wouldn't have an idea or know of what actually happens.

Nevertheless Jimin is still paranoid, still doubtful and uncertain as he feels all the girls in the room eyes on him; all the attention _on him_ and he _hates_ it.

He hates himself for feeling so vulnerable, he hates himself for thinking everyone knows, hates himself for _not_ wanting anyone to know -- for wanting to protect his lover, his abuser... someone who he deep down knew could care less about him.

Even though he knew all of that he still found himself hoping -- telling himself Taeyang cares, telling himself that... _He wasn't doing his job._

If he would have just had to balls to look at himself in the mirror this morning then none of this would have been happening.

Jimin is so ashamed as he finds himself running out the ballet room, still in his ballet clothes but he doesn't care he's just thankful that Ms.B isn't here today; the same person that got mad at him for not coming isn't here and he's thankful even if it's quite hypocritical -- but that's not what's important right now.

What's important is that he's running, there's students everywhere; classes are about to start and he sees his friends (Hoseok and Taehyung).

Taehyung seems to be gushing over someone but eventually they see him too and they're waving happily until their eyes drop to his neck and their hands falter, their smiles drop.

Jimin is guilty, he thinks he's going crazy; he knows he's having an anxiety attack but he doesn't know what to do as they rush up to him and ask him if he's okay.

It's been a while but he sees Jungkook, Taehyung must have been fawning over him he thinks as he watches Jungkook who's about to eat a quick breakfast from a food stand turn his way.

Jimin can't take in his emotion quite clearly because his eyes are watering but he knows Jungkook saw him -- saw the bruises and all too soon he's walking towards him, food forgotten. Jimin freezes and once again he doesn't know what to do because Jungkook is right here, worried and standing in front of him after avoiding him for weeks.

His friends are watching and they're surprised because _Jungkook,_ the boy they just talked about a while ago, the boy Jimin told them he didn't know of personally _approached_ him. Taehyung especially looks excited for a split second but then he's conflicted and worried as Jungkook's worried expression grows angry.

"Jimin? Are you okay?" Jungkook asks, his voice serious but soft and it makes Jimin crack as he sucks in a shaky breath then shakes his head.

He finds himself blinking away the tears as he lowers his head, away from Jungkook's worried, angry, and troubled gaze.

Yet doing that still doesn't stop said boy from seeing, and his warm fingertips find purchase on Jimin's cheek and he softly lifts the smaller's head up, wondering who could do this to someone so sweet.

He couldn't ignore it this time, _he_ _didn't_ _want_ _to ignore it this time_ ; it felt too much like a priority.

Jimin finds it strange that he doesn't flinch so he clinches his eyes shut because _fuck... he still trusts him._

"Jimin look at me..."

Jimin shakes his head again because he can't, he can't look at Jungkook because Jungkook is too smart; Jungkook would know, he's already seen how Taeyang was and once he puts the pieces together he'll know for sure, he'll know that Taeyang did this... and then... and then he'll really hate Jimin.

He'll hate him for being such a _bitch._

"Jimin please..." Jungkook's voice is so calming but he still can't do it, he can't look at him; he doesn't want him to see the shame, the disgrace, _the weakness_ in his eyes.

"No. I-I can't... I need t-to go--"

Jimin hears Jungkook sigh and luckily it's not an annoyed sigh, it's more of an conflicted one. Then suddenly he's being pulled by the hand towards a bathroom and Jimin has no choice but to open his eyes.

Most of the students are in class now, but his friends are still there, quiet and watching curiously yet cautiously.

They (including Jungkook who still held his hand tightly as he pushed open the silent bathroom door) should be in class as well _but_ they weren't... _because_ _of him._ They were missing class because of him and Jimin hated himself even more because they shouldn't be so worried about someone like him. He didn't deserve their concern.

Jungkook finally pulls Jimin inside the bathroom and locks the door. He drops Jimin's hand and said boy tries not to be disappointed by it as Jungkook stares at him.

Jungkook notices Jimin looks even more noticeably small in his t shirt and leggings, he's tired, his skin is still pale minus the red mark on his cheek and the bruises -- the angry handprints -- on his neck.

"Who did this to you?" Is what he finally says. He's getting right to the point because he already has an idea and its pretty obvious that Jimin couldn't do something like this to himself.

Jimin eyes the floor anxiously, his heart is beating like crazy when Jungkook's fingers softly lift his head up by his jaw.

" _Who did this to you_?" He asks again, his voice holds soft authority and Jimin hates the way he feels the need to provide an answer even if it isn't the right one.

"I-I... no o-one... I fell..."

Jungkook examines him, his gaze is so strong and knowing that Jimin can't even look him in the eyes.

Jungkook finally scoffs, his hand dropping from Jimin's face like fire.

"Do you think I'm stupid Jimin?!"

Jimin visibly shrunk at Jungkook's irritated tone, his words reminded him of Taeyang's when the older asked him if he thought he was a fool and Jimin couldn't stop himself from looking down submissively as he shook his head and bit his lip to halt pushing tears.

"Tell me then! What happened to you?! ...Don't you trust me?" Jungkook adds the last question softly when he sees how scared Jimin looks.

He doesn't want Jimin to be scared of him. He finds himself wanting to help Jimin, wanting to protect him, wanting to hurt whoever did this to him.

"I do trust you..." Jimin admits in a small voice as he held his hands together nervously.

Jungkook noticed he doesn't stammer and takes that as a good sign, Jimin is being honest.

"Then why won't you tell me what really happened?"

"I-I did tell you..." Jimin's voice shakes. "I fell..."

Jungkook sighs, this time it's irritated as he clenches his jaw shut and turns his head away from Jimin.

He asks himself why is he bothering with Jimin right now, he asks himself why does he care.

He doesn't have an answer to either really, the only thing he could think of is that he wants to. He wants to bother because _truly_ he knows he cares, he just doesn't know why.

 _He knows he shouldn't care -- well_ at least he told himself he shouldn't care; quite frankly he should be in class right now, doing things he came to school for not standing in a bathroom trying to figure out what's wrong with a boy he told himself to ignore because he shouldn't care about.

Yet here he was standing in front of Jimin. The boy that he very well cared about, the boy he very well wanted to figure out, the boy he was trying so hard not to get angry with but he couldn't help himself.

"There's fucking hand marks on your neck Jimin! Don't tell me that you fell! Falling doesn't cause something like this!" He exclaims and Jimin flinches with each word.

Jungkook sighs, he's exasperated but he needs to calm down because Jimin is scared. "Why are you trying to protect him? It was him wasn't it?"

Jimin is full of shame as he crosses his small arms because Jungkook was right Jimin is trying to protect Taeyang because it was his fault to begin with and the younger just wouldn't understand that.

It also irritates Jimin because why won't Jungkook just leave it be?! He doesn't even care so why is he pretending to now!

"Y-You've been a-avoiding me since what happened in the elevator so why do you e-even care?" he murmurs instead and Jungkook frowns. He tells himself it's not because he's mad at Jimin but because what the smaller said is true.

"I know I'm sorry... I've been busy," Jungkook excuses, more calmly this time.

Jimin looks disappointed as he stares at the tile floor. "Yeah... right."

Jungkook bites his cheek awkwardly, they're both lying to each other and it's not going anywhere. He's sick of this back and forth and decides to come clean in hopes that Jimin will tell him the truth as well.

"Okay fine I have been avoiding you but what did you expect me to do? I don't even know you anymore! And If you hadn't noticed already I kind of don't know anyone! I don't talk to anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't _want_ to know anyone. I come to school for myself not to make friends--"

"T-Then why are y-you talking to me right n-now if y-you don't really want to? W-Why if you don't want to even be my f-friend...?" Jimin asks sadly, staring up at Jungkook with big tear filled eyes.

Jungkook sighs again, looking away because he feels guilty. "I... I don't know really... I just can't help myself from still worrying about you even when I try not to."

"You don't h-have to worry about me. L-Like you said you don't know me anymore so why f-force yourself when you and I both know y-you don't care..." Jimin's looking at his feet now and Jungkook's heart is aching at the fact that Jimin actually believes he doesn't care.

"But that's the thing Jimin, I do care..." Jimin shyly looks up and Jungkook holds eye contact because he wants the other to know he's serious. "And it's kind of hard not to worry about you when I see you looking like this..."

Jimin sucks in his bottom lip as he averts his gaze. "I know..." his voice cracks. "I'm s-sorry... for worrying you. It's my f-fault..."

Jungkook watches as tears fill the raven haired boys eyes, and he feels his blood boiling. He stops himself from becoming furious and instead awkwardly pulls Jimin into his tense body as he whispers to him that it isn't his fault.

Jimin inaudibly gasps in surprise because _Jungkook is hugging him. Jungkook's strong but comfortable arms are wrapped around his own and he can't believe it._

Jimin doesn't want this to end, he doesn't want Jungkook to realize how gross he is then pull away so he finds himself wrapping his own skinny arms around Jungkook's waist; he presses his face into Jungkook's grey hoodie clad chest and Jungkook smells so good...He's so warm and Jimin finds himself crying.

He's crying so hard and Jungkook's tense body relaxes as he places his own chin on Jimin's head and rubs his back.

Jimin is thankful Jungkook isn't pulling away even if he knows how much the taller use to hate things like this when they were younger -- by the way Jungkook's body had tensed in the beginning he's sure not much had changed -- but once again Jungkook is making an exception for him and he doesn't quite now what else to feel but warmth.

Them hugging _now_ also reminds both Jimin and Jungkook of old times when Jimin used to get bullied; He would go find Jungkook and the younger would hug him tightly until he forgot all the pain he was feeling.

When Jimin finally pulls away it's not because he wants to -- honestly he could hug Jungkook all day; he feels so safe and warm compared to Taeyang who just hold him uncomfortably tight and makes his throat tighten and his stomach clench -- but because he doesn't want Jungkook to feel uncomfortable with him.

Jungkook doesn't look uncomfortable though, he just looks worried and it's a sight Jimin hadn't seen on its own in a long time.

"You good?" He asks and Jimin nods, offering him a small and sheepishly smile.

"Yes... thank you. S-Sorry again," he mumbles awkwardly.

"What are you sorry for? Don't be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong," Jungkook replies calmly, but his eyes are still tracing Jimin's neck wondering if he should bring it up again.

Jimin unconsciously lifts his hand up to the side of his neck as he stares off at the bathroom sinks. "You just missed o-one of your classes because of me..."

Jungkook snorts. "You're sorry about that?"

"Well n-not just that but for worrying you too..."

Jungkook's face slowly retorts to blank and Jimin is slightly worried because he likes when Jungkook shows his true emotions versus when he hides them. 

"Yeah... I'm really worried honestly but it's clear you're not going to tell me what happened and I'm not going to force you to."

Seeing Jimin like this had ignited his true, pushed away feelings. He wanted Jimin to admit the truth but he wasn't going to push him to say it. He doesn't want to make Jimin uncomfortable even if he, himself is uncomfortable.

He's uncomfortable because he doesn't know how to handle his thoughts, wants, or feelings for Jimin.

He _and_ his own parents told him what was best for him yet here he was not following the rules, not following the direction he had set up for himself.

He wanted to be mad at himself for it but he couldn't. There was something about Jimin that he couldn't let go of and it scared him.

It scared him because he was still so attached to this broken, oh so broken, boy and he didn't know why or what to do.

He found himself getting angry when all he wanted to do was help; he wanted to help Jimin but Jimin wasn't letting him. He didn't want to tell Jungkook the truth and that scared Jungkook because what was preventing him from doing so?

What had him so scared that he couldn't come clean and tell Jungkook who's hurting him?

Jungkook had an idea but he wasn't sure... he knew he shouldn't assume but what else could he do? He _needed_ to know the truth and he would. He'd find out what's really happening to his old friend even if it meant putting his own dreams to the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this count as cliff hanger? I know I didn't conclude their conversation but that's just were I felt the need to end this chapter. Don't worry though I won't leave it hanging. Maybe a part two to this chapter?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating this when I have school in the morning oops...

Jimin doesn't know what to say after Jungkook tells him he's still worried but he's not going to force him to tell the truth.

He feels bad that he can't tell Jungkook the truth but he truly thinks if he were to do that then Jungkook would probably call him a dumbass for letting Taeyang hurt him, for not telling anyone, and for staying in a situation like that -- A situation that nobody would understand, they wouldn't understand that it wasn't that easy to get out of something like that. Sure he could tell somebody but that's just how the cops got involved and Jimin didn't really like the idea of going to court -- _and_ he knew he wouldn't have the courage to press charges on Taeyang _if_ he ever got arrested; Sure he could leave if he ever got the strength but where would he go? He had no money to afford a dorm or pay rent since he wasn't working and he didn't want to rely on his friends Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jin (who he hadn't even seen since he got slapped the first time for leaving; that was almost two years ago and wow he really needs to see his friend.)

Not only that but Jimin was so scared and manipulated by Taeyang to the point where those thoughts didn't even _cross_ his mind; He was so scared to say even one word about his relationship, so scared to even do _anything_ about his relationship, so scared to even leave!

He really believes that if he left _right_ now Taeyang would hunt him down and actually kill him, that's how bad it was -- those were the things Taeyang promised him; those were the things he was scared of.

_Jungkook just wouldn't understand anyways._   
  


"I'm sorry..." Jimin just apologizes once again and Jungkook shrugs, totally over talking about the situation but not actually over the situation itself.

"It's your life, if you want to let your boyfriend beat on you then let him." Jungkook doesn't even know for sure if whoever did this to Jimin is actually his boyfriend (he just had a feeling it was by the way the man had treated Jimin and also by the way Jimin noticeably got anxious when he brought him up) -- he also doesn't even mean to come off as sounding rude but that's just him, he couldn't help it.

Well he could _try_ when it came down to Jimin; especially if he wants to help the smaller.

Jimin lets out a winded sigh. "I-I... Jungkook please y-you wouldn't understand..." his voice cracks slightly as he turns his head away.

"You're right! You're exactly right!" Jungkook gives a tired, sarcastic laugh that makes Jimin wince. "I wouldn't understand. I wouldn't understand how you could let him get away with doing something like this to you."

Jimin frowns, irritation boiling up inside of him because _it was his fault! It was his own fault Taeyang did this..._

Yet instead of saying that he says without looking Jungkook in the eye, "P-Please stop assuming T-Taeyang did this Jungkook..."

There was no telling what Taeyang would do to him if he let someone find out what was really happening behind their doors; therefore he needed to take all the attention and blame away from Taeyang's name.

Jungkook finds himself groaning internally as he asks himself _why is Jimin protecting this guy?!_ He's frustrated again but tells himself to calm down because Jimin did have a point, he didn't know for sure if it was actually Jimin's boyfriend.

Actually! He did, he did know for sure because who else could it be? Who else would do something like this to him? What boyfriend would _let_ something like this happen to Jimin if it wasn't him doing the damage in the first place?

If Jungkook was Jimin's boyfriend this for damn sure would have never happened! Jungkook would make sure of it because Jimin was too precious...

_He didn't deserve any of this._

"Okay fine I'll stop." Jungkook frowns at his previous thoughts, feeling slightly conflicted because even though Jimin was in fact precious, the thought of him as his _boyfriend_ made Jungkook's stomach flutter -- and not in a bad way.

Jungkook doesn't like these feelings and instead talks to push them away; his words are completely unfiltered.

"But If I find out it really is him you probably won't be able to stop me from kicking his ass."

He catches himself from saying _killing him_ just in time so he wouldn't completely startle Jimin again like last time in the elevator when his adrenaline was pumping and he was furious at the fact that he couldn't save said boy from a perverted pedophile.

This time though was completely different; He knew what was happening and he had an option, either go on with his life and ignore Jimin like he had done before (guiltily of course since now he knew what was really going on) or help his old friend, who he still undeniably cared about, trust him again so he could find out truth and make sure nothing like this _ever_ happens again.

He easily chooses the second option even though he knows that it'll be very challenging since he and Jimin grew apart and his current goals would for sure clash with his new ones.

He wouldn't let that happen though, he couldn't; He worked too damn hard to get this far in Taekwondo to just throw it away.

Yet that's the thing though, _he's worked hard_ and he's _definitely_ proud of himself (even if his parents would disagree and instead tell him he needed to work even harder) therefore there should be nothing wrong with getting a little sidetracked (something he promised himself _and_ his parents he wouldn't get when he first came to university) ; he knew he could handle it.

He could handle Jimin _and_ his own dreams -- he _would_ handle Jimin and his own dreams.  
  


Jimin pauses at Jungkook's words, he really doesn't want his old best friend and boyfriend to fight... especially over him.

_He wasn't worth it._

Feeling conflicted and worried, he shyly looks up at Jungkook who was still very close and looking down at him with a serious but calm expression.

He can't stop the unsure and cracking 'okay' that falls out his mouth because he knows there's no stopping Jungkook when he has his mind set on something; It's been like this since they were children, Jungkook just never gave up...

_Especially when it came to him._

Said boy is slightly taken back by Jimin agreeing with him but he doesn't show it as he reaches behind the smaller to unlock the bathroom door.

Jimin surprises himself by not flinching, yet instead his breath hitches silently at how close Jungkook is to him; he could literally feel the younger's warmth on his skin and it reminds him of how hesitant only in thin leggings and a t shirt, along with his pointe shoes.

Jungkook doesn't back up as he looks down at Jimin who's slightly shaking; he doesn't know what comes over him as he drops his bag and pulls off his hoodie.

"Here. You're cold..." Jungkook mumbles as he out stretches his hoodie to Jimin who hesitantly reaches out to take it but then retreats his hand after remembering something.

_"Don't get shit else from anyone but me!"_

What would Taeyang say if he noticed Jimin in someone else's sweater? What would Taeyang _do_ if he saw him in someone else's sweater?

"Ah no... I'm okay actually," Jimin mumbles untruthfully as he places his small hands together.

A slight frown makes its way onto Jungkook's blank face because Jimin had to be kidding him. "No you're not okay. It's cold outside and you're trembling."

This was a prime example of Jungkook never giving up.

"N-No really I'm okay."

Jimin obviously can't just tell Jungkook that he can't take his sweater because then Jungkook's going to ask why and Jimin won't be able to tell him why --unless he wants to see Jungkook beating Taeyang's ass like he said he would if he ever found out said man is in fact beating him.

Jungkook's frown deepens, hand still holding the hoodie out as a unwavering and almost scolding " _Jimin"_ falls out his mouth.

This was going to be a problem because Jungkook _still_ wasn't giving up and Jimin didn't know what else to say since it really was cold outside and his small body (that happened to always be cold especially after he lost so much weight) did happen to be trembling from it -- not only that but he also should probably hide the strangle bruises so no one else saw and questioned him about it.

He sighs, giving in as he looks up at Jungkook wearily. "W-What about you?"

Jungkook shrugs, he cared about Jimin's well being more than his own right now; plus he was going to have to change in class anyways.

"I'm fine. Please just take it."

Jimin nods and reaches out to grab the sweater and pull it on himself. It's big on him, running past his fingers and everything but he doesn't mind, because the sweater smells just like Jungkook; something that was way different from the cigarette smell that sometimes lingered on his own clothes from Taeyang.

This smell from Jungkook though is a smell he can't quite pinpoint but it's relaxingly good and it makes him feel really comfortable.

He looks back up at Jungkook who's staring at him slightly fondly until he notices Jimin is looking. He then averts his eyes and grabs his bag that's still lying on the floor.

"We should probably get going, we've been in here for a while..." Jungkook's surprised no one came to the door.

Jimin nods and turns around to push open the door, an embarrassed blush tinting his ears as Jungkook's chest touches his back when he helps him push open the door.

Once they're outside the first thing Jimin notices is that his friends are still out there sitting at a table, waiting anxiously, and his heart swells.

They jump up and Taehyung rushes towards him, while Hoseok stands at the table hesitant about following since Jungkook is still standing next to him and he's low key weary and scared of the boy even if it's clear now that Jimin did in fact know him.

Taehyung could care less though as he pulls Jimin into his arms and hugs him tightly; pressing Jimin under his chin and rubbing his soft hair as he speaks with his own eyes squeezed shut. "It's okay Chim, we're here now. TaeTae is here and he will protect you."

Jimin finds himself tearing up as he giggles at Taehyung's third person speech, and hugs said boy back. "I-I'm okay TaeTae..."

"TaeTae isn't so sure about that. Jiminie scared him very much."

"Oh..." Jimin's heart throbs as he attempts to joke back, "Jiminie is very sorry..."

"TaeTae is sure whatever happened isn't Jiminie's fault... so it's okay. TaeTae only cares that you're okay," he pulls away, holding Jimin's shoulders as he looks down at him. "Are you okay?" He asks seriously and Jimin gives a small genuine smile as he nods.

"Yes. I'm okay Tae d-don't worry."

Taehyung lets out a breath of relief as his eyes notices that Jimin is in the sweater he had previously seen Jungkook (when he was fan boying) wearing -- Jungkook who had quickly approached Jimin right when he saw him... _as if_ he knew him -- as if they knew each other! They had to know each other! Jungkook didn't seem like the type of person to just approach someone like that or give someone his own sweater but...

He approached Jimin _and_ Jimin is wearing his sweater!

Taehyung can't stop the wowed 'You know each other!?' that flies out his mouth as he points back and forth between them.

Jimin doesn't know how to answer because he initially told Taehyung _and_ Hoseok -- who's still standing by the table and waiting nervously with a frown -- that he didn't know Jungkook personally, but now it was obvious he did in fact know Jungkook _very_ personally -- well personally enough to wear his sweater that is.

"Um..."

Jungkook is still standing besides him, his blank face on as he stares at Jimin who noticeably doesn't know what to say.

"It's pretty obvious isn't it?" He decides to question back, somewhat sarcastically as he takes in the unknown but very tall and handsome boy's expression.

He looks dumbfounded as he stammers. "W-Well I only asked because Jimin told me he didn't know you personally!"

Jungkook is surprised to hear that Jimin said that, he's also surprised at the fact that they've talked about him before as well. He wonders why exactly would Jimin say something like that?

"Why does it matter if he knows me or not?" Jungkook finds himself pressing out his irritation on Taehyung who visually hesitates, hand in the air as his face contorts into confusion and he finds his words.

Jimin wants to tell Jungkook to calm down but Jungkook _is_ calm even though his words are testing and they make Jimin's voice disappear in his swollen throat.

"Well it matters because... because we were just talking about how cool you were! And Jimin said he heard of you from Busan but you weren't friends..."

The next thing that flies out of Jungkook's mouth surprises not only Taehyung but Jimin as well.

"Well we're not friends, we're _best_ friends so... I guess I can sense your confusion." Jungkook once again doesn't know what came over him, maybe the fact that Jimin had other friends after him slightly bothers him or something -- yet he won't admit that he's jealous.

Taehyung's mouth drops as he looks back at Jimin who's also surprised yet gives him a sheepish smile.

He hadn't expected Jungkook to admit something like that, he hadn't expected Jungkook to even talk to him or help him either, but he did -- _he was_ \--and Jimin didn't know how to feel about it.

He was grateful of course because he did say he wanted to become close again (even if it would be really difficult with Taeyang around) but he just didn't think it would ever happen so suddenly especially because Jungkook was ignoring him.

Yet here Jungkook was _not_ ignoring him and telling his friends that he _did_ in fact know Jimin -- telling _his_ best friends that _they_ were best friends.

"What really?!" Taehyung exclaims towards Jimin and said boy stutters a reply.

"W-Well I mean we were--"

"We still are." Jungkook buts, his expression still blank and nonchalant as Jimin looks up at him shyly.

He has no idea what Jungkook is up to but he flushes a soft smile anyways as he looks back at Taehyung who's stunned, box mouth agape.

" _Wow_... this is great... this is really great--" he suddenly looks back at Hoseok who seems to be very confused now but still isn't making his way towards them. "Oh Hobi hyung! Ah hobi hyung was really worried about you! But... he's kind of scared of Jungkook-ssi after I showed him a video of you cracking some guy's jaw."

Jimin grimaces then looks over at Jungkook who give doesn't even seem surprised to hear this info, it's almost like he's use to it.

"I don't know why. It's not like I'm gonna hurt him or something. I only fight when I need to," Jungkook replies back and Jimin agrees because Jungkook had never been the type to hurt anyone... without reason of course.

Yet then again he doesn't know if that's changed over the years; he just assumes it hasn't.

"Yeah Jungkookie is... sweet."

It's not a lie, Jungkook could be sweet when he wanted to it's just his hard facade and dark humor over shadowed it most of the time -- or at least until Jimin brings it out.

Jungkook snorts at Jimin's comment, making Taehyung laugh slightly.

"N-No really! Y-You are sweet! Cmon I'll show Hoseok hyung--" Jimin abruptly stops, looking up at Jungkook wearily. "I-I mean unless you want to?"

Jungkook ponders over it for a second; he really didn't want to be friends with anyone but Jimin and honestly he hadn't even meant to speak to this TaeTae guy either -- and he admits he's not _that_ bad (maybe just a little weird because he speaks in third person from time to time) -- but he did anyways so he might as well meet the other one too. It doesn't mean he's going to become friends with them though, he didn't have time for anyone else but Jimin -- well actually he really didn't even have time for Jimin either _but_ he'd make the time because Jimin was worth it.

_He's always been worth it._

Jungkook looks back at Jimin's worried expression and gives him a shrug, lip twitching when Jimin's face lights up and he gives his own shy smile.

"O-Okay then lets go..." Jimin tries to mumble cooly when he honestly just wants to clap loudly and shout yay.

They follow him over to we're Hoseok stood and said boy immediately runs up to Jimin and hugs him quickly.

"I'm sorry I just froze up when I saw you! I just didn't know what to do and then--" his eyes drift over to were Jungkook stood behind Jimin and he noticeably pales.

Jimin notices it looks like he's been crying and just holds his hands in his own as he looks up at him. "It's okay... I-I understand."

Hoseok looks back at him unsurely. "You do? Are you sure?" He asks even though he's unsure his damn self.

"Yes I'm sure hyung..."

Hoseok sighs, "I was so worried. Are you -- are you okay..?"

Jimin knows he's referring to everything but the bruises in general.

"I'm okay..." Hoseok still doesn't look sure and Jimin gives him a wide smile as he reassures him. "Really I promise. I-I just had an anxiety attack. Nothing serious."

Hoseok frowns. "I thought you stopped getting those?"

"Me too... but I guess something triggered it maybe?"

"Or someone," Jungkook inputs, hands in his pockets as he stares at the ground; the sappiness wasn't exactly _his_ thing -- or maybe seeing so many people touching Jimin wasn't _his_ thing (he wouldn't admit that though).

Hoseok hears, head snapping up towards Jungkook before he quickly diverts it back to Jimin, seeing the way the shorter's cheeks redden embarrassingly, shamefully.

"Did something happen between you and Taeyang?" He asks quietly in a whisper and Jimin immediately shakes his head no.

"N-No. N-Nothing happened. I just had an a-accident but I'm fine... W-We're fine."

Hoseok sees the scared look in his eyes but doesn't press it, not wanting to make him uncomfortable even though he knows Jimin is bluffing.

 _"What type of accident could cause that?"_ Hoseok questions himself internally, knowing there was more to this than what Jimin was telling him.

"An accident?" Taehyung questions and Jimin hesitantly nods, not missing the way Jungkook (who had decided to sit down at the table and lean his elbows back against it until they were done) scoffed quietly.

"What type of accident?" Taehyung asks the question he _and_ Hoseok has been wondering since they saw the smaller with dark bruises around his neck.

"Um... stairs?" Jimin tries, hoping they'd believe it since they weren't close enough to notice the hands marks that were now hidden by Jungkook's hoodie.

"Oh..." Taehyung mumbles, and it's clear he doesn't believe Jimin by the way his face dropped from all emotions.

It makes Jimin's heart thump anxiously because he only ever sees this expression on Taehyung when he's mad or thinking hard about something -- he seemed to be doing both right now especially the second one.

Jimin looks back at Hoseok who's also looking at Taehyung worriedly until he feels Jimin's eyes.

"Well okay... please just be careful Jimin ah..." he mumbles sincerely worried and Jimin nods.

It's quiet for a few long seconds until Taehyung ' _Ah's'_ and gains all the attention as he takes a seat next to Jungkook.

"Hobi hyung! Did you know Jimin knew Jungkook this _whole_ time! Apparently they're _best friends!"_

Hoseok's eyes widen, "Wah really? I thought his name only rang a bell?"

"Well..." Jimin starts nervously before Jungkook interrupts him.

"It's a long story." One that he or Jimin don't really want to explain because they rather not bring that topic, and those memories up ever again.

"Ah... " Hoseok hums, trying to hide the fact that he's shocked Jungkook just spoke to him, as Taehyung face breaks into a grin and he runs over to sit next to Jungkook who eyes him wearily.

"I have time!" He exclaims, and Hoseok rolls his eyes.

"No you don't! We're supposed to be in class right now!"

Taehyung whines. "But I don't wanna go to class! Ms. Lee won't let me do the whip anymore!"

"Yeah because that's _all_ you do! Try something new next time!"

"Hyung! Why are you embarrassing me in front of _the_ Jeon Jungkook! He's going to think so poorly of me now!"

"He probably already _does_ think poorly of you!"

"Not even! Don't listen to him Jungkook! I'm cool really! I can act and dance! Probably not better than him or Jimin but I can dance!"

Jimin who's just standing there with a smile, watching his friends squabble catches eyes with Jungkook who had broken down his facade and just given a surprisingly interested chuckle at Taehyung.

Jungkook smiles at him and Jimin realizes just how much he's missed the younger's bunny tooth smile. He isn't even surprised that it still makes his chest swell and his ears tint as he smiles back softly.

"Okay Tae sure you can dance but we still need to go to class we have a performance soon," Hoseok explains and Taehyung huffs another whine before he thinks of something.

"Ah speaking of performing! Jimin I heard you were performing tomorrow night with Agust D and Rapmonster!"

Jimin looks genuinely confused for a second because nobody had told him he was performing anything.

"W-Wha--" the choreography he made up for Taeyang suddenly comes to mind. "Oh... oh yeah um I guess Taeyang set something up with them again s-since a lot of people enjoyed the performance last time apparently..."

"Oh yeah! Even though it was a while ago I still remember it was really good!" Hoseok agrees, remembering the first time the two producers came to class and chose Jimin's choreography for their song.

He also remembers that's when Jimin and Taeyang got together and he officially met the older at the show; He and Taehyung were very happy for their friend (even though they did feel the relationship was a bit rushed) and exited to meet the man he was crushing on but when they did meet Taehyung at said show he gave them the cold shoulder and pulled Jimin away. They were pretty disappointed but Jimin seemed very happy (and oh so blinded by fake affection) with him at the time.

"Yeah it was really good!" Taehyung exclaims. "Jungkook you should come and watch--"

"Ah no!" Jimin sputters catching all their attention. "I-I mean! Y-You don't have t-to come, it's fine I know you're r-really busy..."

Jungkook doesn't waste a second after on deciding, "I'll come," he says easily causing Jimin to stare at him, eyes wide with surprise while Taehyung claps loudly.

"Woo! You should sit with us!" Taehyung says (not really asking because he doesn't want to take no for an answer) and Hoseok nods, seeming to have realized Jungkook isn't as scary in real life as he is on video.

Luckily Jungkook (who on the inside is groaning) gives a simple, "Sure whatever."

Hoseok offers an accepting smile to Jungkook then says, "We'll save a seat for you then, Jungkook-ssi."

Said boy nods coolly and Taehyung hugs him happily, oblivious to the way Jungkook's body stiffens while he glares down at him. "Yay! It's settled then!" Taehyung pulls away and smiles up at Hoseok (who has a hand pressed to his eyebrow and shaking his head with a sigh) and Jimin who's blushing embarrassingly. "Wow we're going to be the best of friends!"

" _Tae... stop it... you're embarrassing me..."_ Jimin wants to say but Taehyung's box smile is so genuinely happy at the thought of another person in their group of friends and he doesn't want to ruin it.

Jungkook doesn't seem to mind his words on the outside but on the inside he's forcing himself from snapping at the boy and telling him he doesn't want to be friends. Yet that reminds him of how Jimin and he became friends and he doesn't really want to see another person cry so he just sits sternly.

"Yeah... okay Tae it's time to go. Bye Jiminie and nice meeting you Jungkook ah!" Hoseok says as he pulls a pouting Taehyung up.

"Bye best friends!" The tall boy shouts as he lets his hyung pull him away.

"Bye!" Jimin waves with a small giggle that has Jungkook's own straight mouth curving.

He sits up as Jimin's eyes shyly focus back onto him. "So your friends are a bit... _different."_

Jungkook doesn't mean it in a bad way, he's just stating the truth; they were all so different compared to each other.

Jimin flushed as he looks down, hair covering his eyes as he plays with hem of Jungkook's sweater. "Yeah b-but their really nice to me..."

"I can see, They look like they care about you a lot... reminds me of how much I use to care about you too."

Jimin's breath stops as he internally scolds himself, _of course Jungkook doesn't care about_ _you_ _anymore so why did he say_ _you_ _were still best friends?_

"How much I still care about you..." Jungkook catches him off guard by continuing; once again he's surprised by the boy and he can't stop the smile that breaks out onto his face.

Jungkook doesn't care anymore about attempting to hide his feelings because that's the thing, he can't hide them forever even if he may be putting his own goals in jeopardy (according to his parents) for them -- for Jimin.

Either way, he knew once he saw Jimin looking the way he was today he wouldn't be able to hide them ever again, he wouldn't be able to his feelings or stop himself from caring.

Jimin tilts his head and asks in a small unbelievable voice. "R-Really?"

Jungkook averts his gaze, the gushiness catching up to him and it's embarrassing.

"Yeah... Really," he still finds himself smiling a little while Jimin tries his best to control his own emotions.

"Thank you..." the smaller suddenly speaks after a second and Jungkook looks up questioningly.

"Why?"

"N-Nobody has ever cared about me after so long. I-It's seems as if people stop caring after a certain amount of time."

Jungkook looks at him hard but Jimin doesn't let his gaze waver. He wants Jungkook to know he's being for real, that this is what he thinks, because it's the truth. His parents stopped caring, his boyfriend, and soon enough probably even his friends.

Jungkook looks away from Jimin as he speaks, his voice serious. "I'll never stop caring about you. I couldn't...even if I tried."

Jimin feels his face heating up as he admits, "Me too. T-Though I never tried not to care about you... I always thought about how you were doing."

Jungkook scoffs playful. "That's it?"

Jimin stutters, "W-Well no! I thought about how h-handsome you probably have gotten, how many friends you probably had...how pretty and sweet your girlfriend probably was."

Jungkook smirks, "I just wondered if you were still small and had little baby hands--"

"J-Jungkook..." Jimin whines and it's the cutest thing Jungkook has ever seen in his life -- he admits it.

"And if you were still cute -- which you are... you're really cute _hyung."_

Jimin blushes because _is Jungkook flirting with him?! -- No no he's not... they just became friends again he's probably just being nice plus he said hyung._

"Stop... you don't have to say that. I'm not even cute."

Jungkook snorts. "You're cuter than all the imaginary friends _and_ girlfriends you thought I had," he says once again easy as pie.

You could say Jungkook really missed seeing how shy Jimin got when he complemented him.

The smaller's ears tint and his heart races, "I-Imaginary? But you're so cool."

Jungkook shrugs, leg moving from were it was placed outside of the table. "I'm not gonna say some sappy shit like I'm waiting for the right person because honestly I just didn't have time for relationships or friends. It's not like it mattered though because I'm not really the friendly type anyways."

The only thing wondering through Jimin's mind was -- _he's never had a girlfriend?!--_ and he hated himself for caring about it so much; he hated himself even more for being relieved.

"Oh... well t-that makes sense but why are you being friendly now?"

"I've always been friendly to you!" Jungkook states watching as Jimin looks off sheepishly.

"Okay... well most of the time. But I promise from now on I'll always try to be friendly because I don't want to see you hurt by me or anyone ever again, okay?"

Jimin nods, his chest is overly warmed with joy as he mumbles a soft, "Okay."

Jungkook stands up, throwing his bag over his arms and shaking his hair out his eyes as he glowers over Jimin's small frame."Now... let's get you home because I don't think you should dance like this--"

"Oh no I'm okay! R-Really! I already missed ballet--"

"Okay and! Jimin you're not okay, you had a really bad breakdown and you're clearly exhausted. Just let me get you home so you can rest. You have a performance tomorrow."

"B-But..." Jungkook gives him a deflated look and Jimin sighs defeatedly wondering to the gods what he did to deserve someone so caring -- Jungkook was _still_ so caring.

"Okay... fine."

"Oh before we go, did you eat anything?" Jungkook asks, the curious look in his face is so boyish and childish, it has Jimin cooing internally.

 _No._ "Yes. I'm okay..."

"Are you sure? There's a lot of food stands around--"

"I'm okay Jungkookie..." Jungkook doesn't look too sure but he nods anyways at the nickname that spills from Jimin's soft looking lips.

They began walking in comfortable silence and soon enough they already at their apartment building and inside the elevator.

"We left this kind of awkwardly last time didn't we?" Jungkook brings up as the elevator opens on Jimin (who looks slightly anxious when he's honestly just hoping Taeyang wouldn't be in the hallway for some odd reason or even at home actually) 's floor.

Jimin looks up with a soft smile, "Yeah... we kind of did but I guess this is g-goodbye?"

He honestly wouldn't even be surprised if Jungkook stopped talking to him again after this, he was kind of expecting it yet Jungkook once again surprised him by saying, "I'll see you at your performance."

Jimin just nods and begins to walk out before he comes to a quick halt and turns back around just before Jungkook presses the button.

"Wait! I uh I'm still wearing your sweater. Here..." He begins to take it off but Jungkook just shakes his head.

"Ah no... keep it. It looks better on you anyways."

Jimin's face tints as he objects, "No its yours, you should take it."

He really didn't want to keep it just in case Taeyang noticed and got mad at him for it, yet Jungkook wasn't having it.

"Jimin. Keep it."

"But why?" His voice wavers as he questions somberly, wondering why Jungkook wanted him to keep it so badly.

"Because... I _want_ you to," he replies easily, going for the elevator down button.

"O-Okay I guess... thank you," Jimin mumbles conflicted-ly, thinking to himself that maybe Jungkook just doesn't want the hoodie back because he wore it.

Maybe Jungkook was just pitying him?

 _Maybe_ Jungkook would change his mind over night and decide to not be his friend...

 _Maybe Jungkook didn't care after all_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of an upbringing chapter I hope? xD tell me what you think please! I love feedback :)) 
> 
> Also follow me on tumblr @ snatchim if you have one :) I'm on all the time so don't be afraid to message me, I also have an instagram with the same name so you can follow me on there too if you don't use tumblr :)


	8. Chapter 8

As Jimin nervously opens his apartment door he's met with no beats, music, or voices from Taeyang and his friends -- just silence... _which_ isn't particularly rare or anything (since Taeyang is actually a quiet person when he's not high and yelling) it's just the silence makes Jimin anxious because Taeyang is usually still here this early. Seeing that said man isn't causes him to look around the living room frantically.

He lets out a sigh when he doesn't suspect anything and then begins to pull off Jungkook's sweater until the sound of a bag zipping catches his attention.

He quickly turns towards the kitchen were Taeyang stood holding a backpack and dressed to go. He's staring and Jimin feels his heart race even though the older appears calm.

"Why are you here?" He asks and it almost feels accusing to Jimin.

"U-Um I didn't f-feel very good..."

He doesn't care nor respond, instead his eyes trace Jimin who's just standing there frozen with Jungkook's hoodie halfway on his arms.

He purses his lips and nods his head towards the sweater, not even acknowledging the bruises he made on the smaller's neck.

_Quite frankly he could care less._

"What is that?" He questions and Jimin is too afraid to look away from his gaze as he replies back quickly.

"Um... a-a sweater."

Obviously Taeyang knows that and rolls his eyes at the nervous boy. "No dumbass, I mean who's sweater? Where the fuck did you get it from? I've never seen it around here before."

Jimin says the first thing that comes to his mind, in hopes that it sounded convincing enough. "Uh I-It's mine?"

Taeyang gives him an unbelieving look, still standing by the kitchen wall. "That big ass sweater is yours?"

Jimin looks down uneasily, "Y-Yeah I just..." he pauses for a second, trying to get his excuses together. "Ordered it o-online and it-it ended up being t-too big I-I guess..."

Taeyang still doesn't look convinced, in fact now he just seems suddenly defensive and angry as he places his bag down. "Ordered it with what money? Have you been stealing from me bitch?"

Jimin's eyes widen as he shakes his head and hands in denial when Taeyang seems about ready to walk closer. The rude name hurts his pride heavily as he quickly comes up with another lie. "N-No! I uh I -- m-my class payed for it!"

Taeyang is quiet for a second as he over looks the sweater again, questionably. "Isn't your last name Park? Or did you lie to me about that shit too?"

Jimin furiously shakes his head again. "N-No of course not! I-It is Park."

Taeyang looks somewhat convinced since he already knew Jimin's last name for a fact is Park and was just playing with him for his own personal enjoyment.

He lets out a humph and begins walking towards the door as he speaks.

"Yeah well you need to tell your class to get a fucking refund because they didn't even get your damn name right."

Jimin is suddenly confused as he looks down at the sweater, not even noticing previously that there was large writing on the back.

His eyes widen when he takes in the small (too small for Taeyang to notice) writing that states TKWD Busan teen national championship winner and a large JEON J.

"O-Oh I-I didn't even noti..." his mumbling cuts off disappointedly and at its on record when he notices Taeyang isn't even listening and instead is already on his way out the door.

"You better be in here getting that fucking dance down for tomorrow!" He calls out as he slams the door shut.

Jimin lets out a deep sigh as he drops down on the living room couch. It's not for long though because even if he is exhausted, he still finds himself obediently dragging his tired body towards the stereo and starting the track to practice the dance over and over again... until he physically couldn't anymore.  
  


-  
  


As Jungkook walks back to the campus he can't stop thinking about Jimin. The smaller boy is _so_ different now compared to his demeanor and personality when they were younger.

Jimin when they were younger was so much more outgoing and touchy feely, now he just seems so quiet and closed in. He's almost exactly how Jungkook was when they were younger, the only difference is Jimin acts the way he does now because he seems scared -- _Jungkook wasn't scared, that was just him._

Still is honestly.

Yet even though he believes that he's finding himself becoming more open and talkative now that he's on his own and not around his parents.

When he was around his parents he usually wouldn't even say more than needed to them or anyone, it was only Jimin who could get him to talk and open up.

And after all these years separated he finds himself easily talking to Jimin like nothing ever changed between them, like Jimin never left.

He blames said boy for making him so curious about him, so curious that he has no other choice but to talk -- he knows it's not actually Jimin's fault though and in all honesty he's just genuinely curious about the boy he's failed severely at trying not to worry about after all these years.

_He just couldn't force himself to forget Jimin and the memories of them together... He couldn't force himself to lie to himself anymore either._

-

When Jungkook finally gets on campus, after thinking of Jimin, he realizes something -- that of course has to do with said boy.

Said boy that left his bag.

It's not something too crazy because it's _just_ a bag and Jimin could always go get it later... but the fact that Jungkook is just now realizing Jimin walked home in his dance shoes slightly pisses him off because he should have noticed!

Jimin must of been so uncomfortable but too shy and embarrassed to say anything.

Jungkook knows he shouldn't be this upset or worried about Jimin but he _did_ allow himself to get sidetracked for the boy so it's fine -- it would've happened even if he didn't allow himself so it doesn't even really matter honestly.

Jungkook also knows he should be heading towards his own class and not towards Jimin's ballet class but he feels bad for not noticing and showing he actually does care is a step closer to rebonding their friendship anyways so why not?

Jungkook finally, after searching throughout the dance compartment, finds the ballet room.

Surprisingly it's not quiet but that seems to be because their isn't a teacher around.

Yet even so, most of the girls are still practicing diligently and delicately until Jungkook opens the door with his heavy hand and catches all their attention.

They're all quiet as they stare at him surprised.

Suddenly word spreads like a bee and some girls start to fan girl and become shy after one girl whispers she knows him and that he's a fighter. He notices he recognizes the girl even though he had only caught a glimpse of her; it's the girl who called him hot when he was getting his schedule. She walks over towards him and he sees that she's quite tall and very skinny (but not like Jimin... no one was like Jimin) like most of the girls in the room.

The only thing that stands out from her is her overly done double eyelids.

She smiles at Jungkook, unsubtly checking him out with a confident flirtation in her eyes.

"Are you lost?" She asks, somewhat teasingly as she raises a sharply filled in eyebrow. "Or did you just want to see the ballet girls dance?" The second question is more flirtatious, her voice dropping lowly as she moves her manicured hand to Jungkook's chest.

He catches it before it touches him.

He can't control his emotions and suddenly he's very annoyed at the girl and her advances.

This wasn't the first time a girl has been obviously interested in him in the last few weeks he's been here. He catches girls staring at him quite frequently actually -- especially when he's running or at the gym -- but he never does anything about it unlike most boys.

Most boys would probably see a pretty girl checking them out, get confident and then try too woo them into (whatever they were going for) either a relationship or a one night stand.

Jungkook hasn't done either and he doesn't _want_ to.

Before he told himself (and recently Jimin) it was because he didn't have time for things like that but now that he's thinking about it, he realizes he was just never interested in things like that to begin with -- he realized he was only ever interested in his goals... _and Jimin._

He was _so_ interested in Jimin and...his father was _so_ wrong -- but somewhat right and he hates the fact severely.

Jungkook knows his thoughts are suddenly off topic but the situation is makings him this way, it's making him think about his father's words.

_' "You just want to make friends, party, and hook up with all the girls that are gonna throw themselves at you but once you do anything like that you're out." '_

So far most of it is true, he did want to be Jimin's friend again _and_ he was sort of being friendly with Jimin's friends as well. Not only that but he _did_ say he'd go to Jimin's show which he knows is located at a little club next to the campus because Taehyung found his webo (which he rarely uses unless it's to promote a win) and texted him the info in all caps with lots of emojis when he was walking Jimin home.

So as you can see if he goes to this club it would basically be "partying" --especially if his father finds out.

Yet at this point he honestly could care less because his father wasn't here to stop him and what he didn't know wouldn't kill him.

So he was still gonna go regardless and the only other thing left that wasn't true about what his father said was the hooking up with girls part, something he wouldn't do, something he doesn't want to do.

It's surprising (and weird) -- not to him since he's never been interested -- to others probably, since he was a teenage boy and that's usually what most teenage boys thought of doing.

But he didn't and I guess you can say Jungkook was different because instead of thinking about hooking up with girls -- or just girls in general -- he thought about a slightly crooked tooth smile under plump lips, pretty oval brown eyes, and a soft voice that was quiet and shy even when he exclaimed.

He thought about Jimin.

He was thinking about Jimin right now, not the girl in front of him who was staring at him dumbfounded since her charms didn't work on him.

"No," Jungkook replies grumpily, dropping her hand like fire. "I came for Jimin."

The girls eyes widen in surprise, and by their expressions it's like she and the other girls don't believe what he's saying.

"J-Jimin?" She asks curiously, confusion stricken across her face. "Are you sure?" The flirtation in her voice is back as she questions suggestively.

Jungkook doesn't blink. "I'm _pretty_ sure."

She stares at him with disbelief then sighs. "Park Jimin?"

"Is there more than one Park Jimin in here?"

She frowns, looking slightly embarrassed as a blush crosses her face when some girls laugh.

"Well... no there's only one but he kind of went psycho earlier and ran out the class room."

"He went psycho?" Jungkook questions with an unimpressed eyebrow raised.

She nods, not feeling bad when a chuckle slips. "Yeah I asked him about the marks on his neck and he freaked out then just ditched the class. He's lucky our teacher wasn't here today or she'd drop him on the spot."

Jungkook frowns, his irritation rising at how uncaringly the girl speaks about Jimin.

"Why?" He still finds himself asking when he really honestly just wants the girl to shut the fuck up.

The girl gives him a look, _like isn't it obvious_. "Because he's the only boy on a girls team and he's not being grateful by leaving the class! Don't you agree?"

Jungkook stares at her blankly. No, he doesn't agree with her. Jimin was hurt and therefore he should be able to skip class _reasonably_ and go rest without people telling him he's wrong for it -- without people calling him a psycho.

"Where's his things?" He asks instead of answering and the girl looks almost scandalized at both his question and at the fact he could care less about agreeing with her.

"H-His things?"

Jungkook glares at how slow the girl is tending to act. "That's what I asked right?"

"I know I know, but w-why do you need _his_ things? Do you know him or something?"

"Why do you care?" Jungkook can't help that he comes off as defensive but the girl (and the ones watching like they were a scene of a kdrama or something) are really irritating him.

The girl seems conflicted as she stumbles over her words. "Well..."

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "Just show me his things so I can take them to him please. You can do that right?"

The girl nods and turns abruptly on her pointe shoed clad feet; her long dark hair sways and covers her face slightly, in embarrassment as she hides from the other girls.

Jungkook follows her into the locker area and she points to Jimin's things that were placed neatly in the corner.

"Why isn't his stuff in a locker?"

"Boys don't get lockers," the girl replies easily and that's when Jungkook notices that Jimin's things are the only things out. It makes him angry, even more angry than he already was because he could already tell most of the girls disliked Jimin by the way their faces fell when he said the boys name -- yet did that mean he deserved to get discriminated in a fucking locker room?

Just because he was a boy?

Jungkook doesn't understand why would they put him with the girls if they can't even treat him equally _as_ a boy who dances _with_ girls.

It was sexist, sexist bullshit.

"That's bullshit," Jungkook finds himself voicing out his opinion as he places Jimin clothes and shoes in his bag then throws the bag over his arm.

The girl swollows but remains quiet as she follows Jungkook out the room. He doesn't look back until the girl calls him when he almost reaches the door.

"Oh Jungkook-ssi!"

Jungkook turns to her with a raised eyebrow.

Her face drops a little, but the flirtation arises almost too soon -- probably because the other girls are watching.

"Are you sure you don't want to see us dance before you go?" She tries and Jungkook scoffs after staring at her for a long second.

"I have better things to do than watch you dance..." the girl's face drops and he hears a couple gasps.

 _"Girls are so dramatic..."_ he internally groans.

"Maybe if Jimin were here then I would have considered it, too bad that he went psycho though right?" Jungkook mocks sarcastically, seeing the girls face redden one last time as he finally leaves with a slam of the door.

It's official. Jungkook has officially fallen back into protect Jimin mode and surprisingly he's not upset with himself, in fact he feels good.

He knows he shouldn't because he only agreed to get close to the boy but it just feels _so_ good, so _right_ and he just wants to do it more, be there for Jimin more.

And hopefully Jimin would let him.

-

Jungkook walks fast, hoping that Jimin isn't sleep yet because he really wants to return his things and apologize for not noticing.

He's already entering the elevator and about to close the door when someone calls for him to wait.

"Aye! Hold up kid."

He knows the voice, it's a deep and dark voice that he isn't very fond of -- a person he isn't very fond of.

Yet Jungkook still finds himself waiting for Taeyang who is taking his time walking in his slightly sagging jeans as he carelessly smokes a cigarette.

When the man is finally in the elevator and besides Jungkook he doesn't even acknowledge said boy, though he does glance at Jimin's bag like it's familiar to him.

And it is familiar because he bought it, yet Jungkook didn't know that and Taeyang didn't say anything because he wasn't quite sure.

Instead he pulls out his phone and quickly texts someone, Jungkook eyes the screen and notices it's Jimin he's texting.

His jaw clenches as Taeyang mumbles underneath his breath. "Why isn't this bitch responding... ugh I'm going to beat the shit out of him if he's just lying around sleeping."

Suddenly Taeyang's phone goes off and Jungkook could hear the soft, worried sound of Jimin's voice speaking as Taeyang picks up.

"Were you fucking sleep?" Taeyang asks him, accusingly.

"I-I didn't mean to! I promised I p-practiced and I have it down I-I swear! I-I was just... _really_ tired."

Jungkook could hear him through the phone and he sounds so exhausted it makes his fists clench in agony.

Taeyang exhales his cigarette slowly, the smell making Jungkook want to gag.

"Mhm... you better have that fucking dance down Jimin while you're just fucking sleeping and shit."

"I-I do!"

"You're lucky you have to perform tomorrow or else I would've beat--"

"N-No no! I-I'm sorry! I'll show you! Please don't!"

Jungkook is fuming while he glares at the elevator floor and listens to how sad, helpless, and scared Jimin sounds as he begs over the phone.

"I'm not. Shut the fuck up you can be so damn annoying sometimes."

Jimin is quiet before he apologizes again. "I-I'm sorry... oh and I-I don't see your bag--"

"It's right where I was standing did you even fucking look?! You know what... I'll find it my fucking self, you can't do shit I swear!"

The elevator door opens just as Taeyang hangs up and throws down his cigarette, stomping it out on the lobby floor before making his way to his door.

Jungkook follows once the man is inside and waits outside the door as he listens.

On the other side of the apartment Jimin is jumping up and off the couch at the sound of the front door slamming.

He had fallen asleep after going over the dance a few times and woke up to the sound of his phone beeping.

Taeyang had texted him about his bag and when he didn't respond the older then double texted him asking why the hell he wasn't responding and he better be practicing because that's the only reason he shouldn't be able to hear his phone -- unless of course he was sleeping, which he was.

"My bag is right fucking here! What are you blind? Do you need me to buy you some glasses!?" Taeyang asks irritatedly as he grabs his bag that was behind the other couch and not in Jimin's line of vision.

"I-I had glasses... you broke them r-remember?"

Jimin remembers the day like it was yesterday. He was studying with his earphones in and his brand new reading glasses on, not noticing over his music that Taeyang happened to have been calling him.

When Jimin, who was sitting on the edge of the bed with his feet dangling freely, finally realized Taeyang's legs where in front him. He looked up at the man curiously and then everything just happened so suddenly. Taeyang was snatching his earphones out his ears and phone, ripping them and causing Jimin to gasp and question what he was doing in a frantic stutter. Taeyang didn't respond and instead slapped Jimin so hard his face turned and his glasses flew into the wall, breaking on impact.

Taeyang scoffs, holding his bag now as he turns towards Jimin. "Obviously I don't remember if I'm asking you if you need some!"

Jimin's heart pounds and his face flushes. "I-It happened a couple months ago..."

Taeyang rolls his eyes and shrugs carelessly. "I don't give a fuck Jimin! They were ugly anyways! If you want more I'll buy you more! Is that what you want? Because you sure as hell don't deserve it annoying the fuck out of me like this!"

Jimin's face sinks, he had no idea Taeyang thought his glasses were ugly. In fact when Jimin shyly asked Taeyang -- a couple months ago on a Saturday morning after giving the older head (something that he admits, he kind of found a habit of doing when he needed money from Taeyang) -- if he could have some money to buy glasses the older gave him the money without question.

Jimin was so happy because he had been needing new glasses ever since he left the orphanage; he was so happy that he even hugged Taeyang... until he got pushed off and called annoying.

He had been hurt but regained his pride by searching online for cute glasses that would fit him. He found a really cute black pair and even got Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jin's opinion on them before he bought them, so you can see how important something so little was to him.

It was important and Taeyang didn't even care, currently he was going through his bag (which Jimin is just now realizing has drugs inside) until the sound of knocking catches his attention.

Jimin who was standing awkwardly and playing with his fingers anxiously, wondered who could be at the door.

"Go see who's at the fucking door," Taeyang demands and Jimin goes immediately, opening up the door to a slightly agitated looking Jungkook.

Jimin's eyes widen. "W-What are you doing here Jungkook-ssi?" He whispers, feeling his heart race in hopes that Taeyang doesn't come.

Of course Jungkook doesn't get the memo though and his expression, which was previously agitated and angry from hearing the way Taeyang speaks to Jimin, turns into a small feigning hurt smirk.

"What do you not want me here or something hyung?" He questions, not bothering to whisper at all.

Jimin wants to scream _NO!_ but instead he shakes his head furiously. "N-No it's not that it's just--"

"Who the fuck is at the door? What do they fucking want?" Taeyang shouts, voice getting closer and closer until he's finally behind Jimin.

Jimin's body freezes, eyes looking doe and wide towards Jungkook as Taeyang pulls him back against his hard chest, one of his buff arms wrapping around Jimin's chest from behind as the other arm places itself on the wall.

"Oh it's you again? What the fuck do you want?" Taeyang asks Jungkook, who's eyes snap up to him after staring hard and void at his arm.

"Ah... I came to return Jimin here's bag," Jungkook answers, holding back the bite in his voice in place for nonchalant.

Jimin's eyes widen even more at Jungkook's words and Taeyang's arm tightening around him.

" _Oh really_? Is that right baby? You got someone returning your shit?" Taeyang asks Jimin for confirmation.

Said boy's eyes and voice waver at the hidden slyness in his boyfriend's voice as he responds with a shake of his head.

"U-Um I-I didn't-- I don't know--"

"Well you _must_ know if he's returning your things right? You two must know each other very well then hm?" Taeyang's lips are against Jimin's ear and neck as he looks at Jungkook who's looking at them, his face unreadable.

Jimin is visibly uncomfortable at how oddly Taeyang is acting towards him right now, -- and the fact Jungkook is watching the way Taeyang is treating him makes him feel very ashamed for some reason -- Because honestly he had expected Taeyang to just push him inside (once Jungkook said he was returning his things) and beat him.

He also expected Jungkook to grow disgusted by the way Taeyang was treating him; Taeyang who wanted Jungkook to know Jimin was _his_ _\--_ he was doing his job very well by the way Jungkook was trying to hold himself back from snapping.

"I-It's not like that..." Jimin whispers, knowing that Taeyang is thinking that he's cheating on him just because Jungkook has his things.

"Like what?" Jungkook speaks up this time and he seems slightly offended because is Jimin denying them knowing each other?

Jimin shakes his head, hoping Jungkook get the memo this time to not say anything _._

Taeyang hums, ignoring them both.

"Oh no but I think it is baby... I think it is like _that._ He has your things what does that give me the idea of?"

Jimin's face contorts as he sighs. "I promise it's not what you're thinking Taeyang--"

Taeyang's arm comes around quickly, taking ahold of Jimin's chin as he turns the smaller's face towards him.

"What did you call me?"

Jimin's eyes widen as he stares up at the older shocked. Taeyang's hold is tight and Jimin can see Jungkook's body tensing out of the corner of his eye, yet he doesn't do anything.

"T-Taeyang?" Jimin's reply is confused and muffled as Taeyang tilts his head towards him with a pout.

"Taeyang? That's not what you call me when we're alone though right? Don't be shy just because your little neighbor friend is watching."

Jimin's heart drops at both how weird Taeyang is acting and what he's suggesting.

_He's not suggesting what Jimin thinks he is right?_

"W-What do you m-mean?"

He chances a glance at Jungkook and notices he's staring at him already. On the outside his expression is blank like always but on the inside Jimin knows he's going through things.

Taeyang smirks. "You know what I mean. Tell _daddy_ what he's thinking Jiminie..."

Jimin's face pales as he looks down ashamed. He's so embarrassed but Taeyang could care less as he snaps his face back up so Jungkook could see.

He was appalled and disgusted... just how Jimin expected him to be.

"Tell me, what am I thinking Jimin ah?"

"I-I don't know what you're thinking! J-Jungkook was just being nice by returning my belongings, that's i-it I promise..."

Taeyang stares hard at him. "That's it?"

Jimin nods. "Y-Yes I promise -- I promise..."

"You promise who?" Taeyang asks, his voice slick and sly.

Jimin can feel his eyes watering and he knows Jungkook is watching how pathetic he looks. He also knows he has no other choice but to answer Taeyang's question, no matter how embarrassing it will be.

"Y-You d-daddy... I promise y-you." Jimin's eyes are clenched shut and his voice is barely audible, thankfully Taeyang doesn't make him repeat himself and instead finally lets him go with a accepting sound and a pat on his ass.

"Get your things and go inside, you've got a lot of explaining to do later when I get back." Taeyang explains, then proceeds to make his way towards the elevator whistling like nothing was just happening.

When Jimin finally opens his eyes Jungkook isn't looking at him, his eyes are averted and Jimin can literally _feel_ his heart dropping out of his chest because Jungkook probably _hates_ him and wants _nothing_ to do with him.

"J-Jungkookie?" He still finds himself attempting at a conversation but Jungkook just turns the other way.

Jimin watches him let out a deep sigh before he turns to him with a exasperated expression.

"I... I don't know what to say to you Jimin... like I'm trying here. I know we barely just began talking again today but already I'm trying so hard not to snap because what can I do? You allow yourself to be treated this way by your _own_ boyfriend. He treats you not only like shit but like a child and I'm starting to think you like it or something--"

"I-I don't..." Jimin whispers, shaking his head tiredly; he's too exhausted to argue and Jungkook knows this but he can't stop himself from scoffing.

"Well if you didn't then why'd you stoop to his level? Calling him _daddy?_ Do you like that shit? I wouldn't judge you... if you didn't look so pained while you were saying it."

"Jungkookie please stop..."

Jungkook glares, coming closer but not fearingly close, he knows his limits.

"Me stop!? I heard the way he talked to you on the phone and in your apartment! He talked to you like you were nothing and not once did you tell _him_ to stop!"

"It's not t-that simple Jungkook ah!" Jimin finally exclaims, angry tears steaming down his colorless face.

"It is simple Jimin! It really is but you're just too blinded by him to stop or see it!"

Jimin hates how right Jungkook is and he doesn't want to accept it -- he won't, he's already embarrassed enough.

"You don't know what you're t-talking about Jungkook ah! Y-You barely just started talking to me after ignoring me a-and you're already talking badly about my boyfriend who was here for me when you weren't!" Jimin finally snaps but he doesn't feel relived what so ever because in all honesty Taeyang wasn't there for him and he knew that even when he tried to pretend the older was.

Jungkook stares Jimin in the eyes hard, his jaw clenched tightly as he feels his anger turning into sadness and regret.

Jimin is surprisingly holding eye contact until Jungkook decides to break it, dropping the shorter boy's bag to the floor gently.

"You're right. I'm sorry for thinking I knew something that clearly doesn't involve me. I'm sorry for trying to watch out for you like old times. I'm sorry for trying to be a _friend."_

Jimin's eyes soften. "Jungkook ah--"

Jungkook doesn't look at him as he speaks the words Jimin once had gotten so happy to hear.

"I'll see you around."

Now those words just make Jimin feel remorseful and heartbroken because Jungkook said them to him in the elevator before he avoided him.

Jimin knows for sure now that Jungkook wants absolutely nothing to do with him and there's nothing Jimin can do about that because his voice is stuck in his throat and there's a blurry vision in his eyes of Jungkook walking away... with _his_ heart in his fist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the angst, hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I plan on updating the next one hopefully soon, it's going to be pretty long so look forward to that! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, ream my note at the end please! (it's nothing bad btw xx)

_Harder, Faster, Repeat -- Repeat! You're slowing down, you're giving up! You're giving up!_

_"You never GIVE up!"_

Jungkook can hear his father's voice in his mind on repeat. He can imagine an image of kid him running miles or hitting his dad's punching mitts until the man said it was finally good enough.

He'd have to work hours because quite frankly it was never good enough.

Not at least until Jungkook's arms were bruising a strained red and he himself was about to pass out from a sore tiredness.

Kind of like how he is right now.

He knows he's over pushing himself but he can't stop.

He can feel his muscles aching to give up, he can feel the sweat dripping down his bare torso as he hits and kicks the boxing bag repeatedly -- until it finally drops to his living room floor with a slam.

He can hear the music and soft feet moving upstairs inside Jimin's apartment and he knows the smaller is practicing yet he can't help but wonder when will he have enough?

He's so irritated as he takes a seat on the edge of his couch, hands gripping his head with a heavy sigh.

He's so angry that he let his own anger get to him earlier. So angry that he let Jimin think he was giving up so soon.

He never came up, specially when Jimin himself never gave up as well.

It was something they had in common -- something that sounded like a good thing but in reality it wasn't.

They were both forcing themselves, both getting forced; more Jimin than him and that was something that really irked Jungkook's nerves -- his soul.

He truly believed he didn't have a soul before he met Jimin, and when the shorter finally brought it out Jungkook thought he lost it again when Jimin left.

But now that he's seen Jimin again he realizes that his soul never really went anywhere and that he really never gave up.

Maybe he left Jimin with that impression, but inside he knows he can't just give up, especially when he already got himself involved.

He can't let Jimin go through whatever it is he's going through alone and he knows that the smaller didn't mean all that he said, Jungkook could see it on his face since he's always been so good at reading Jimin.

And he knows, he _knows_ when Jimin needs help.

And right now, Jimin needed help.

He needed _him_... _he needed Jungkook_.  
  


*

*

"Come on! You go on next why _the_ fuck are you just sitting here?!"

Jimin looks up at Taeyang with worried eyes from his spot on a chair backstage. His heart is racing, his throat is burning, and his stomach is twisting with both fear and emptiness.

He should probably drink some water but he knows if he does he'll throw up and he really doesn't want to throw up since he already did, _twice_ in the last hour -- both by force.

"Taeyang I-I don't feel v-very good..." he mumbles and he _knows_ he doesn't look good either especially after Taeyang made him stay up all night and practice the dance as punishment for Jungkook bringing him his things.

"You never feel fucking good what's new?"

"N-No really I don't think I can do it--"

Taeyang glares at him before leaning down to his ear.

" _Jimin_ if you don't get your ass up and get ready to perform, I swear to god I'll drag you to the bathroom right now and beat your fucking ass like I should've done yesterday when that kid came to my fucking door with your fucking shit."

His voice is so serious and dark that it has Jimin gulping in fear as he stands up.

Taeyang eyes him one last time then walks out to the front where everyone was waiting on the next performance.

Jimin lets out a shaky breath then turns to a mirror to check his appearance one last time.

He's wearing tight black jeans, a transparent black button up (that was way too big and hung off his shoulders), no shoes so he could dance better, and heavy eye-lined makeup.

After looking at his appearance he catches Suga and Rapmon staring at him. Rapmon waves him over and he shyly walks towards them.

"You ready Jimin ah?!" Rapmon asks him excitedly while Suga silently watches and listens.

"Um... honestly n-not really..."

Rapmon's face softens. "Worried?"

Jimin nods, offering him a sheepish smile.

Rapmon smiles back. "Don't worry Jimin you'll do great! I've seen you dance before many of times and it still amazes me!"

That makes Jimin's cheeks flush and his heart warm. "Wow really..? I can't help but feel l-like I'm going to mess you guys up..."

The sound of the DJ calling out Rapmonster and Suga has college fans going crazy.

"Nonsense! You're going to do fine! Fighting!" Rapmon tells Jimin with a wide dimpled smile before he makes his way out onto the stage first.

Now it's just Suga and Jimin standing in the back, waiting for Rapmonster to get done with the intro of the song so they could go out and perform as well.

Jimin breathes in and out, he's so nervous and Suga is not making it any better with his awkward silence.

He's just about to give the older a shy 'fighting' when he starts speaking.

"Why do you let him treat you the way he does?"

Jimin blinks at the black haired man, his words are so unexpected especially since they usually never speak to each other.

Jimin doesn't quite know what to say to him.

"Um... I... I-I don't know..."

Suga doesn't look judging, in fact he's much like Jungkook, he's good at hiding his emotions under a blank face; in fact it's so blank Jimin can't even read his eyes like he often tries to do Jungkook.

"You're really strong Park Jimin, do you know that?"

Jimin shakes his head, ears tinting in disbelief. "R-Really? I don't f-feel strong..."

"Well you are because usually by now Taeyang's things would have been left after the first beating."

_Things? Is that what Taeyang and other people thought of Jimin as? A thing? An object?_

Jimin can feel his face draining of color. Of course Suga knows the truth... and a little bit more it seems as well.

"He's done this to others as well?" Jimin can't help but feel curious as he asks.

Suga shrugs. "You're the first guy he's been in this long of a relationship with so I'm not sure about that but with his ex girls yeah."

Jimin frowns, Taeyang never tells him anything about his past and he's starting to see why.

 _He was hiding so much!_ First the drugs, then the abusing, now ex girlfriends?

"And they just left him?"

"Yeah if he doesn't kick them out before then."

Jimin's eyes widen. "Kick them out?"

_Would Taeyang kick him out if he keeps misbehaving?_

"Yeah if he gets tired of them but hey hey..." Suga sees Jimin's taken aback expression. "Calm down... I have a feeling he doesn't want to get rid of _you_ anytime soon. There's something about you that makes him want to keep you forever actually."

Suga's words make his heart clench, and for some reason instead of feeling happy or better about them he feels trapped.

"How do you know?"

"He treats you slightly different from the others... like he doesn't want to lose you. Maybe it's because you're a boy and he likes it better or maybe because of something else I don't know and I really don't care but one thing I can say is that it's not healthy. I associate with Taeyang and I try not to get involved with his personals but I'm tired of seeing good people with potential becoming ruined or even worse dead by dealing with him."

Jimin's gasp is barely audible. "D-Dead?!"

Though sometimes he does find himself thinking that Taeyang's beatings will kill him one day or that he'd probably be better off dead anyways (especially _after_ Taeyang beats him or scolds him for doing "dumb shit") he still believes life is too beautiful to waste and that there is way too many achievements he still hasn't achieved -- too many things he hasn't seen, experienced, or explored yet.

He still hopes one day he can experience everything, see the beauty everyone else sees for once.

He won't be able to do that if he's dead though.

"One of his exes committed suicide after he beat her."

"W-Why are you telling me this?" Jimin finally asks, feeling his stomach churn at an image in his head of Taeyang's ex killing herself in _their_ home.

Suga finally glances at him. "Because you have lots of potential at a life without Taeyang and I don't want to see you waste it by becoming ruined or even worse, dead."

The music and cheering in the background picks up, signaling Suga and Jimin's que to join the stage.

As they make their way out Jimin can't help but to feel even worse after his talk with Suga. He tries to hide his emotions the best he could as he looks into the crowd, scanning and scanning the room.

He doesn't find him though... he doesn't find Jungkook and now he feels horrible, lost, and it shows on his face.

Jimin doesn't have time to get himself together because Suga is already going in with his rap and he has no other choice but to follow with his dance.

 _The dance_ is slow in the beginning and Jimin feels eyes and voices on him as he moves along with the growing beat.

Ever since he's been dancing he's learned to ignore the judging eyes _by_ dancing through them, letting the music guide him, his body, and his thoughts.

He moves and it's like everything is a blur. He can't think and all he can feel is the sensual music he's dancing to and Suga rapping about his first heartbreak.

Jimin's had many, not all relationship wise but still, he can relate and it pushes him into drive. He's dancing harder -- with feel. People are cheering and Jimin thinks most of them are probably drunk and just excited to see anything but nevertheless it still makes him feel like he's doing okay.

His body hurts but he keeps moving, he hasn't messed up once -- last night night he did three times and Taeyang slapped him for it every single time he had to restart the music. Jimin didn't want that again. It'd probably be far worse than a slap if he messes up now when Taeyang is front row in the crowd standing next to big club owners and producers.

He doesn't look Taeyang in the eye because he knows he's watching him, looking for mistakes -- daring Jimin to fuck up.

And he does.

At the end of Suga's rap,

_"I won't let you go ever again either_   
_My birth and the end of my life_   
_You will be there to watch over it all."_

It's like the blood is rushing to his head. He feels hot, so overwhelmed by something so sudden.

It's the exhaustion making him feel like this he knows it but it's something else as well.

Something -- someone -- _Jungkook,_ watching him in the crowd.

They catch each other's eyes right at that lyric and Jungkook looks so determined for some reason, so proud of him, _so proud_ to be here as he sits next to a cheering Taehyung and Hoseok.

It makes Jimin feel likes he's floating when really he's falling.

He's falling and Suga is ending the rap, totally oblivious to him losing consciousness.

The crowd is still cheering, his eyes are still locked with Jungkook's and even from a far Jimin sees something flash across Jungkook's face, and he knows _Jungkook knows_ something is _wrong_.

But even if he tried to do something he can't because Jimin has already hit the ground.

The music has ended, the cheering has stopped and all Jimin could think of, as his eyes force themselves to close and his body shuts down, is _he bets Jungkook isn't proud anymore._

He bets he looks so pathetic right now.

He bets everyone, his friends, the crowd, Suga and Rapmonster, are all probably so disappointed with him right now.

He knows Taeyang is probably seething and waiting to kick his ass.

_He knows he's a failure._

What he doesn't know is that as he passes out completely and the curtains close, is that the crowd goes crazy.

They don't know Jimin is actually horribly fatigued, they think it's apart of the performance. In fact it's the best performance some of them have seen yet.

Even Taehyung and Hoseok are cheering happily for their friend's dramatic performance.

The only one who isn't is Jungkook, Jungkook who knew.

He knew something wasn't right with Jimin. He could tell something was up.

As they locked eyes he could _sense_ the exhaustion in Jimin's eyes, on Jimin's face.

It was so obvious! He could see the tiredness just by looking at him, he could _feel_ it!

Jimin looked so sick and Jungkook's own heart was breaking from the sight flashing back in forth in his mind.

He needed to see him. He needed to see Jimin but he couldn't because apparently he wasn't the only one who knew that Jimin wasn't okay.

Jungkook watched as Taeyang told some very impressed looking men he was with that he'd be back, then he began walking backstage.

Jungkook noticed that his fist were clenched tightly and his face looked dark, angry.

 _He was seething_.

Jungkook needed to see him, he needed to see Jimin.

"Hey I'll be back."

Taehyung and Hoseok turn to him, staring at him with confused faces.

"Where are you going?" Taehyung asked, wide mouth and eyes squinted with curiosity in the dark lights.

"Are you leaving so soon?" Hoseok asked as well, slightly worried.

He'd kind of grown on Jungkook after witnessing the cute bunny tooth smile he made when Taehyung made a funny joke. Even though, he was still a little cautious and scared at what the, soft when he wanted to be, faced boy could do.

"Ah no I'm just going to go to the bathroom."

He couldn't tell them he was going to go see Jimin because then of course they'd want to follow and he really didn't need that.

And as selfish as it sounded he wanted to help Jimin alone -- _if_ he could that is -- and there's no telling what's going on with him backstage.

"Ah okay be back soon!" Taehyung replied, slightly tipsy from the beer he was drinking.

"Yeah I think Jiminie will be coming out soon!" Hoseok said excitedly, though he wasn't drunk.

Jungkook wanted to grimace because Jimin probably wouldn't be coming out anytime soon, but his friends didn't know that so he couldn't.

Instead he nodded and then began making his way backstage as music played throughout the club.

Getting backstage would've been easy if it weren't for all the drunk girls trying to throw themselves onto him or the people trying to hand him drinks he didn't want.

He never drank and he didn't want his first time drinking to happen when Jimin was currently hurting.

So he denied everything coming towards him and soon enough he was backstage. Thankfully there was no security to stop him from entering the door, but there was two men coming out.

They had just performed and Jungkook had been pretty impressed so he didn't understand why they seemed upset coming out when they did great.

"He's such a dick hyung! I don't know why we or anyone deals with him! Im tired of him and I'm sick of the way he treats people!" The taller of the two men, Rapmon, complains to the shorter blonde man, Suga.

They see Jungkook and said boy instantly has a feeling he knows who the rapper is talking about.

_"I guess they aren't mad at their performance then..."_

"Hey kid? What are you doing?" Suga asks Jungkook while Rapmon calms himself down.

It's not accusing so Jungkook doesn't reply with any attitude -- well he _tries_ not to reply with any attitude, but he's not a _kid._

"Is Jimin back here?" Jungkook asks seriously, even though he already knows.

"He is but I think you should probably wait until he comes out."

Suga's words are almost suggesting something but Jungkook doesn't overthink it once he hears the sound of begging over coughing in the back.

"I-I _can't!_ T-Taeyang n-no r-really!" Jimin begged at Taeyang who had just poured ice cold water on him to wake him up.

_*_

_"Jimin please, please wake up!" Rapmon was on the ground trying to nudge the smaller awoke after noticing he wasn't getting up after the performance._

_"He's exhausted Joon... we should call the paramedics--"_

_"No fuck that!" Taeyang was suddenly backstage and he looked very angry._

_"He could be dehydrated or malnourished Hyung--"_

_"I said no!" Taeyang growled as he picked up an ice cold bottle of water on a table._

_"What are you doing!?"_

_"Fuck does it look like!? I'm waking his bitch ass up!"_

_Rapmon frowned watching as Taeyang poured the water carelessly onto Jimin's face. Suga patted his back, face stone, as they together watched Jimin who was half unconscious sputter fully awake._

_The smallest let out a wild cough as he tried to block the water that Taeyang was still pouring even though he was already fully awake._

_"Get the fuck up," Taeyang spoke dropping the empty water bottle onto Jimin._

_Jimin held his hands over his eyes as his body shook from the cold and he cried._

_Suga couldn't stand the sight and pushed an angry but frozen shocked Rapmonster out of the room._

_"Cmon..."_

_As they left Taeyang attempted to pull Jimin's hands away but then ended up pulling him up by his whole arm when he wouldn't budge._

_"Get your ass up! I need you to meet these fucking people so quit crying!"_

_"I-I can't..." Jimin cried still covering his face._

_Taeyang slapped his hands down and grabbed his face._

_"You're going to go to this bathroom and clean yourself up so you can meet these fucking people and make a good impression!"_

_Jimin's eye makeup was running as he shook his head._

_"I-I can't! T-Taeyang n-no r-really!"_

_"You can and you will!"_

*

"Come on!" Taeyang growls as he pulls Jimin towards the door.

"I-I _can't!_ T-Taeyang n-no r-really!" Jimin cries but Taeyang just swings him around and slams him into the door.

"What did I just say?" His voice is hard as he stares Jimin down.

Jimin lets out a shaky breath as he looks down. "W-Why do they n-need t-to meet m-me?"

Taeyang snatches Jimin's head up by his hair tightly. "First of all look at me when you're questioning me! And don't fucking worry about it! Just fucking respond when they question you and don't say shit else! Do you understand?!"

Jimin's eyes are full of tears as he nods, his hands clenching and unclenching as he tries not to pull Taeyang's hands off his hair.

Taeyang lets go of Jimin's hair, swings open the door then pushes said boy out.

Jimin stumbles into a solid body and he immediately tries to back up but the person, who smells oddly familiar and _so so good,_ grips his elbows and keeps him steady against their body.

Jimin looks up and makes eye contact with the one and only Jungkook, who's staring, eyes unwavering as they search Jimin's own.

Jimin gulps a grimace. He feels bad, ashamed, and awkward just thinking about their last interaction yet Jungkook seems as if he's already over it.

And he was.

After his little internal argument last night he feels much better as he offers a small forgiving uplift of his lips to Jimin.

Jimin can't return the smile though because all too soon Jungkook's own small smile turns into a hard stony glare as rough hands dig tightly into Jimin's sides.

Jimin knows Taeyang is behind him, he can _feel_ Jungkook and Taeyang staring each other down.

He knows Taeyang is going to have a lot to say (a lot to beat) about Jungkook being here, at _his_ performance and he feels his stomach roll at thoughts of the things Taeyang is going to do or say to him later -- or even now as he pushes Jimin's shivering (from the cold water) body towards the bathroom after finally breaking a glaring eye contact with Jungkook.

Jungkook watches, along with Suga and Rapmon, as Taeyang hauls him over to the restroom and kicks the few drunk people out, then slams the door shut.

Taeyang then pushes Jimin who trips over his feet but catches himself before he falls.

The shorter stares up at his boyfriend who is already staring at him, the anger obvious across his face.

"Jimin. Please, _please_ tell why _the fuck_ that kid is here?"

Jimin feels so small as he looks up at Taeyang, and even though the older and he have some distance between them and he could run if he tried or wanted to, it still won't stop Taeyang from easily snatching him up and beating him.

He knows from experience that distance is nothing when it comes to the buffer of the two. Like Taeyang would literally either grab anything in sight and throw it at Jimin or he'd just catch Jimin if he tried to run -- which he had occasionally, but it obviously never worked out.

Jimin was always too weak to run.

"Uh I- I don't know," Taeyang begins walking closer. "I-I d-dont know!" Jimin exclaims, terrified as he shakes his hands with a stuffy voice.

"Or really you don't?"

Jimin shakes his head, looking towards the dirty tile floor.

Taeyang walks towards Jimin and the smaller begins to back up frantically, he's _so_ terrified.

"Taeyang I really don't know... P-please I d-don't know--"

Taeyang grips Jimin's chin tightly and lifts his face up towards him.

The later clenches his eyes shut as Taeyang asks in a low, sinister voice.

"So you telling me you didn't invite him to come see you dance Jimin?"

Jimin shakes his head, he honestly hadn't even expected Jungkook to come after what happened the day before.

"Answer me!" Taeyang's hand moves to Jimin's neck as he slams the boy by his throat into the tile wall. "Did you invite him?!"

Tears dripped down Jimin's face as he bit his bottom lip and his hands immediately went to his throats and the back of his head.

He shakes his head, the smell of alcohol on Taeyang's voice is visible as he responds.

"N-No! I-I didn't!"

Taeyang glares hard at him for a moment before letting him go. Jimin slumps a little as his hands grip his own throat as if he was protecting it.

"Let me find out you did Jimin and I swear to god..."

Jimin clenches his eyes shut, attempting to block out all the thoughts of what Taeyang could be swearing.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Cean the fuck up!"

Jimin immediately scrambles towards the paper towels and sink to wipe his face free of tears and ruined make up.

The make doesn't come off easily and his whole body, especially his hands, tremble as he attempts to dry himself off.

His finished and he looks down shamefully as Taeyang pushes open the door for him with a glare.

Jungkook (who is still standing by the backstage door) 's head pops up at the sound of the door opening.

Suga and Rapmon had already left but he decided to stay and try to ease drop through the heavy door.

And though he couldn't hear much he knows that something happened in there just by looking at Jimin's face.

Jimin sees him and immediately averts his eyes as he continues walking out to the front again. 

And even though it was only a glance, Jungkook had saw every sick detail on the smaller.

The red and dark eyes, his skinny bone defined face, lifeless and stressed out dark hair that attempted to cover his tired eyes.

Jungkook had seen it all and he wasn't happy what so ever, but what could he do.

He couldn't do anything here, or anything at all really since he doesn't know exactly what's going on and Jimin was too scared to tell him.

For now he only has speculations, speculations that he insists on solving.

But first he has to get Jimin alone -- something that he assumed would be quite difficult since Taeyang seems to be very possessive, yet it wasn't at all.

Jungkook follows the couple secretly, then he waits in a corner of the room (noting how Taehyung succeeded in getting Hoseok to drink with him; they were pissed drunk and grinding on each other and everyone else) so he could watch from afar -- not too far though, he still wants to hear.

He sees the way Taeyang grips Jimin tightly, probably painfully. He sees the way Jimin gulps nervously then tries to give off the best seemingly happy smile he could -- Obviously its fake. Yet the men Taeyang is introducing him to seem to believe it as they happily smirk back and push the drunk, half naked girls off them to greet him.

Jimin bows and Jungkook can tell they're bad people just by the way they eye him, and even though he hates judging by appearance these men look like straight drug owning, perverted schemers.

"Jimin is it? We've heard lots of good things about you!" One balding, over weight man holding an alcoholic drink exclaims.

Jimin looks up at him with shy, yet hopeful eyes; thinking to himself, _did Taeyang really say good things about me?_

Taeyang nudges Jimin from his place behind the boy and the latter replies immediately.

"R-Really?" His voice barely cracks yet Jungkook notes Taeyang seems very irritated by the slight slip up.

"Yes! Taeyang has told me you are a very impressive client of his."

 _"Client? He told them I was his client?"_ Jimin can feel his mood drop more than it already has.

"Yup he's the best," Taeyang nods, a sly but rare smile appearing on his lips.

A smile that Jungkook _really_ wants to knock off...

"We saw! And we'd really love to set something up with you Jimin-sshi!"

Jimin doesn't really know how to feel or what to say. Of course he's ecstatic that someone wants something to do with him and he shouldn't really be doubting anything but he can't help it, he doesn't even know these people, and he's not quite sure what they were capable of or what they'd make him do.

Jungkook on the other hand has his arms crossed and his fist clenched anxiously, praying that Jimin won't sign any life ruining and controlling papers.

Luckily he doesn't because the men seem to realize, after looking around, that they do not have any documents with them.

"Ah sadly I don't have my contracts on me because honestly I wasn't expecting you to be as good as Taeyang said you were -- no offense Taeyang."

Said man chuckles lightly. "None taken."

Though he says that Jimin knows he's very offended and probably wants to let it out -- on him specifically-- thankfully he can't here though.

"But I will set up a meeting later! For now we celebrate! Cig? Rum? Ladies?"

Taeyang easily takes a seat on the couch (besides a very revealing and model looking girl who makes Jimin feel really insecure as she gushes at _his_ boyfriend, obviously not knowing that he and Jimin were in a relationship -- Jimin doesn't blame her though because honestly no one knows) and accepts a drink and a cigar after pushing past Jimin with a strict mumble of " _take your ass home."_

Jungkook can't hear what Taeyang mumbled to Jimin but he guesses it must have been confusing because Jimin is just standing there awkward and hurt with wide eyes and his hands intertwined; watching as his boyfriend gets high and lets the random girl besides him feel him up while men chop up coke on the table and laugh at nothing funny.

Jimin finally turns to leave, after noticing Taeyang and the men could care less about him being there.

Jungkook decides it's a good time to catch up with him and follows him towards the back door leading outside.

He surprisingly feels slightly bad that they were just leaving Taehyung and Hoseok but honestly the two probably wouldn't even notice since they're too busy dancing with Rapmon and even Suga, who Taehyung was currently getting to chug a whole beer while doing the _naenae_.

Jungkook just smiles slightly at the group and then continues to follow Jimin who was already outside and freezing since he only had a thin shirt on and no shoes.

_No shoes..._

Jungkook suddenly wants to punch a wall or someone -- a very specific someone for letting Jimin walk out barefoot but he can't because Jimin seems so sad and lost as he holds his, shivering from the cold, self tightly.

"You don't have shoes," Jungkook states the obvious as he stares hard at Jimin's cute and small but very skinny and alcohol/dirt stained feet.

Jimin's body shakes as he glances down at his own feet with teary, wet eyes.

"N-No..." his voice is cracked and suddenly tears are streaming down his face and he feels so pathetic and stupid for not even being smart enough to leave with his shoes.

Yet he doesn't want to go back inside and see Taeyang doing drugs and openly letting girls kiss and touch on him.

Jungkook seems to understand as he contemplates on Jimin's emotions for a moment. He lets his heart control him and pulls Jimin into his arms, letting the small boy hold onto his black thermal tightly as he temporarily shakes off the hurt and the cold.

"I-I'm sorry..." Jimin cries out against Jungkook's chest and the taller just wraps his arms around Jimin's small body tighter.

Once again Jimin has broken down Jungkook's walls but Jungkook realizes now that he lets him.

He lets Jimin break down his own walls every single time because Jimin's own walls are already broken and he needs this.

He needs new walls to hold him, to comfort him and show him that people care.

To show him love, _to_ love him.

He needs Jungkook.

He needs Jungkook to love him.

Yet what Jimin didn't know was that Jungkook already loved him...

In fact, Jungkook never _stopped_ loving him and he wants Jimin to understand that.

He wants Jimin to know he'll always love him and be there for him even when it seems like he's finally given up.

He wants Jimin to know he will never give up -- he can't even if he tried.

And he did try, but as soon as Jimin stumbled back into his life, he knew he wouldn't be able to turn away.

He can't turn away, not now.

Not when Jimin needed him.

"Shh... it's okay. I'm sorry too," Jungkook mumbles back as he strokes the fragile boys soft hair.

Jimin heaves out a shaky breath as his teeth cackle. "For what? Y-You didn't d-do a-anything wrong. I was the one being m-mean to you when all you were doing was trying to h-help..."

"Shh... don't say that... you weren't mean. You can never be mean. You're the sweetest person I have ever met in my entire life..."

 _"No I'm not... I'm so pathetic,"_ is what Jimin wants to say but instead he finds himself pulling away from Jungkook and looking up at him hesitantly instead.

"W-Why... why are you a-always so forgiving to me? I-I was so mean! And y-you should be so angry with me!" Jimin cries and Jungkook stares, unblinking as he searches Jimin's exhaustion/hurt filled eyes.

Even though those two things are evident, overall all he sees is a broken, broken boy.

"You think I should be angry with you?" Jungkook questions back quietly after Jimin has calmed down.

Said boy grips his own elbows then stares up at Jungkook with blurry eyes as he nods, seeming to be out of his senses from being so fatigued.

Jungkook looks away conflictedly as he questions.

"Why?"

"B-Because... I... I deserve it."

Jungkook immediately looks back at Jimin who is staring aimlessly at the cars passing by through the alley, seeming not to mind the words that just fell past his lips.

He has nothing on his mind, nothing else to say but Jungkook on the other hand has so much to say, to ask.

But he doesn't.

He doesn't ask Jimin why he thinks he deserves to be treated badly, he doesn't ask Jimin what happened to him for him to think like that, he doesn't ask Jimin what's going on with him, and his health, and his boyfriend...

He doesn't ask anything.

Because Jimin doesn't need questions, he needs help.

And Jungkook would help.

"Come on."

Jimin looks up to see Jungkook crouching and his face contorts into confusion.

"Huh? W-What are you doing?"

Jungkook sighs softly, an embarrassed smile appearing on his face. "I'm offering you a piggy back ride."

Jimin still doesn't understand as he stutters out an, "Why?"

"Because hyung, I'm not letting you walk home with no shoes on. It's cold and there's all types of harmful disgusting things on the ground like glass and what not..."

Jungkook can feel his cheeks reddening at just how much he's showing that he cares. Thankfully It's too dark to tell and Jimin replies with a soft " _oh"_ before hesitantly climbing onto Jungkook's strong back.

He feels paranoid for a second but then he remembers Taeyang was inside and not worrying about him, who was not supposed to be anywhere near Jungkook.

Yet once again here he was _with_ Jungkook; feeling safe and warm and so, so right as he relaxes into Jungkook's back and said boy's strong hands hold onto the back of his skinny thighs, comforting him as he hesitantly and shyly wraps his own arms around Jungkook's neck and hopes to himself that he's not too heavy.

Jungkook starts walking, holding Jimin easily as they make their way to the apartment building, which happens to be only a few blocks away from the club.

Jungkook decides to take a back way to avoid less people and the walk is mostly silent and comfortable, besides all the distant noise from the cars and pedestrians walking in the late night.

Jimin finds himself unconsciously resting his head in between Jungkook's shoulder and ear as he holds onto the boy's lean body tighter.

Both of their hearts are racing, Jungkook's a little more because even if Jimin has always been really touchy feely -- especially when they were younger -- he's still not use to it. He's not use to being so close in contact with someone, but he feels like he can get use to it again.

Especially if it's with Jimin.

He did it once, he got close once and he can do it again even if they both seem to have sort of grown out of it now.

They can get close again.

Jimin obviously still trusts Jungkook and is comfortable enough with him to fall asleep on him so why not?

*  
*

Jungkook smiles at the soft snores he hears against his ear.

He has a rare feeling of happiness and warmth until he finally reaches Jimin's apartment door and realizes the door is locked.

Now he's just feels awfully conflicted because he doesn't want to wake Jimin up -- since he's sleeping so soundly -- just to ask for keys.

He had no choice though, unless he decides to just feel Jimin up and find the keys himself -- something he doesn't really want to do or is comfortable with doing.

But then what else could he do? Maybe take Jimin to his own apartment -- Something he could do quite easily actually and without waking Jimin up.

But he's not sure if Jimin would be comfortable with that... or if Jimin's boyfriend be comfortable with that so he just decides to wake Jimin up after all.

"Hyung. Jimin hyung wake up..."

It takes a while of Jungkook whispering in his ear but Jimin eventually stirs and blinks his exhausted eyes open after rubbing one of them with his tiny fist.

He's immediately met with the sight of Jungkook's half lidded dark brown doe eyes and soft looking parted pink lips.

_He's so perfect._

Jimin can't control his thoughts and they just seem to worsen after he notices just how close he and Jungkook are to each other.

Even though he notices he can't find it in him to back up. It's like he's frozen and Jungkook is the only one he sees. The only one he wants to see, yet Jungkook must not feel the same because all too soon he averts his gaze.

"Ah hyung... do you have your keys?"

Jimin quickly swallows his internal hurt then looks towards his apartment door, eyebrows furrowing for a moment as he thinks. His whole face then drops in realization as he gets down from Jungkook's back.

"Um... n-no I don't think so." He doesn't have anything on him actually, his phone or his keys; they're both inside.

Jungkook looks over at the downcasted, barefoot, and unhealthily skinny boy, feeling lonely already without his warmth.

"You don't think so? Do you have your phone on you?" Jungkook looks from Jimin to the door frame to make sure there's no spare keys, and obviously there's not; Taeyang doesn't seem like the type of person to just leave spare keys around.

Jimin notices Jungkook looks really tired and he feels bad because he's kind of giving the boy a run around by not being straight forward enough.

"No I left it inside... and T-Taeyang has my keys," Jimin says softly, fidgeting with his hands as he looks at his locked door conflictedly for a moment before turning to Jungkook. "But... h-he told me to go home and I don't know what time he'll be back so..."

Jungkook blinks. "So what are you supposed to do? Just sit out here?"

Jimin shrugs. He's done it before at the end of last year when he accidentally left his keys inside and went to school. He came back and realized he didn't have his keys so he called Taeyang and all he did was yell at Jimin for interrupting his work and then insulted him, calling him retarded for leaving his keys in the first place.

Jimin ended up waiting outside the apartment door for hours, contemplating on going to Hoseok and Taehyung's dorm or even Jin's apartment but he was too scared of the consequences and instead stayed outside and caught a cold in the process because he only had a thin long sleeve on.

By the time Taeyang got home it was almost midnight and Jimin had fallen asleep against the door frame, knowing Taeyang purposefully stayed out longer just because he knew he was waiting outside.

Taeyang kicked him awoke and Jimin had jumped out his sleep, looking up at him with sorrow filled eyes, the anger hidden in him too afraid to be shown.

Taeyang could care less about Jimin's sorrow or the fact that he was now sick and probably uncomfortably sore from sitting on the hard concrete floor. In fact he walked past Jimin, leaving the smaller to trail behind him like a sick puppy.

There was no apologies or remorse as Taeyang grabbed Jimin's keys off the living room side table and hung them in his face. It seemed teasing but when you glanced at Taeyang's face you'd see no playfulness, only annoyance as he threw the keys against the wall then grabbed Jimin roughly by the side of his face.

_"You already know huh?"_

_Jimin stared up at Taeyang with wide eyes, his body was shaking already and all he wanted to do was shower and sleep but he guessed that'd have to wait till after this beating._

_He just hoped the beating wouldn't be too bad..._

_"Know what?" Jimin had questioned him innocently -- afraid._

_"What I'm about to do and say to you."_

_Jimin had shook his head on instinct even if he did already have an idea of what Taeyang was about to do or say._

_"Well you should... by now you should know," Taeyang walked back to the couch, trapping Jimin against it._

_"Aren't you tired of getting slapped."_ **_One._ ** _"upside."_ **_Two._ ** _"your."_ **_Three._ ** _"stupid."_ **_Four._ ** _"fucking."_ **_Five._ ** _"head?"_

_Jimin held his head, where Taeyang had just slapped him, not even having time to respond to the older because he was already dragging him down and beating him on his behind -- as if he was a child..._

_"Since you want to think like a kid!" A heavy hand was slammed against Jimin's bottom making him cry out._

_"And act like a kid by not remembering to take something as simple as fucking keys with you!" His hand was repeatedly striking and the only thing Jimin could do was clench his eyes shut and bite his bottom lip to stop his loud, begging cries._

_"Then I'm gonna treat you like a fucking kid! Do you want that?! Do you want me to treat you like a child?!"_

_Taeyang grabbed Jimin up by his chin, watching as the later shook his head profusely._

_"N-No..."_

_"Okay then stop fucking acting like one!"_

_Jimin didn't think accidentally forgetting his keys meant he was acting like a child... it was just a simple mistake. Plus Taeyang was the one who talked him down as if he was or thought like a child most of the time anyways... so it was his fault too._

_"Until you think you can remember to take your keys with you then you can't fucking go anywhere," Taeyang spoke, then picked Jimin's keys off the floor._

Jimin remembers that situation is the reason why he spent most of his summer days locked away. All he did was stay inside, clean, sleep, and practice. He was too scared to ask Taeyang for his keys back and too scared to leave anywhere because he didn't have his keys in the first place.

Luckily when school started back up again Taeyang allowed Jimin to have his keys back; he remembers that situation as well, it was quite humiliating.

_He was making breakfast breakfast for Taeyang, who was very hung over. It was a full meal, with lots of meat since Taeyang loved meat though he complains it's too fattening and that Jimin shouldn't eat any of it -- Jimin though, was too endowed in how good the meat smelled and after not eating in a couple days he couldn't help but to sneak a piece of bacon._

_He hadn't heard or seen Taeyang creeping up behind him in the kitchen where he stood at the counter perfecting said man's meal._

_"Aren't you supposed to be cooking for me?" Taeyang had questioned, his low and groggily voice use to make Jimin get butterflies but for a while now it just scared him. Luckily he didn't seem too angry though right now so Jimin got the courage to look up._

_"I-I am..." he said offering the older the full plate, with a soft smile._

_Taeyang's eyes narrowed. "Then why are you eating it?"_

_Jimin shrugged a little. "I o-only took a piece... because I was h-hungry."_

_Taeyang stared at him for a moment, eyeing his nervously wavering eyes and fluffy morning hair -- knowing that Jimin, oh so selfless Jimin, saw him and offered to make him breakfast without even being told._

_Taeyang scoffed and then turned to leave, lighting up slightly at a certain sudden thought. "I don't know why..."_

_Jimin looked up at him confused._

_"All you're going to do is throw it up when you think I'm not listening anyways."_

_Jimin's face immediately fell and his heart dropped. Taeyang knew what he did? He thought he was doing so good at hiding it... he thought Taeyang had no idea but the whole time he knew..._

_He knew and he didn't even care... in fact he found it amusing and Jimin couldn't even reply._

_He felt too embarrassed to say anything as Taeyang carelessly ate his breakfast and he closed himself in the bedroom._

_Taeyang must've sensed his mood drop because he came to the room saw Jimin sulking and rolled his eyes._

_"Are you really mad over the fact that I know you do that weird disgusting shit?"_

_Jimin had frowned and looked down at the bed sheets. "No..."_

_Taeyang rolled his eyes again then walked to his side of the bed and took a seat next to Jimin who shifted uncomfortably and watched as Taeyang then searched his bedside table._

_He took out Jimin's keys, throwing them to him. "Here. Fix your fucking attitude. Don't you start school again tomorrow? You should be happy I'm giving you these fucking things back."_

Jimin sighs at the memories then looks up at Jungkook sheepishly. "Um... yeah i-it's okay though. I'll be o-okay. You seem r-really tired you should just go home and rest."

Jungkook scoffs, making Jimin jump slightly. "And just leave you out here in the cold?"

Jimin bites the inside of his cheek awkwardly. "I-I'll be okay Jungkook ah."

Jungkook deadpans. "You're shivering and you're exhausted Jimin."

Jimin bites his lips as he examines the goosebumps on his arms. "I-It's okay--"

"It's not okay. You're boyfriend is out at a club partying and shit while you're here freezing because he didn't think to give you the keys. Does that sound okay Jimin hyung?"

Jimin pouts. "No but I-I didn't remember to ask for them either so it's my fault too..."

Jungkook stares hard at Jimin and the smaller finds himself becoming self consciously small because he knows Jungkook is getting irritated with him.

"Hyung come home with me."

Jungkook is still so surprised at how much Jimin still blames himself for things.

He still doesn't know how to control it or how to respond to it anymore because no matter what he says, it's _still_ going to take more than that to change Jimin's mind set.

What he does know is that he isn't about to leave Jimin sitting out here in the cold, waiting for his careless ass boyfriend to decide he should probably get home.

Jimin stammers, feeling his cheeks heat up at how weird what Jungkook is asking him sounds. "G-Go home with you?"

Images of Jungkook and him doing things -- very romantic, sexual, loving things -- flashes in Jimin's mind and he suddenly wants to puke because he feels like such a dirty and perverted hyung, like a cheater, like a very, very, bad boy -- the last one is what Taeyang would say if he knew what Jimin was thinking -- because Jungkook is just Jimin's _friend_ his _dongsaeng_ and he'd probably be so disgusted if he knew what was on Jimin's mind... or so he thinks.

Jungkook doesn't seem fazed though, not by Jimin's reaction or by what he himself is asking Jimin. He's actually very serious, though the blush on his cheeks does acknowledge how sexual his question sounds.

"Yeah so you don't have to stay out here in the cold and so you can sleep comfortably and... because I miss being around you..."

Jimin's heart clenches, a good clench. And he's flustered at what Jungkook just admitted.

He wants to think that the taller is lying because he was just choosing to ignore him not that long ago... but Jimin remembers how Jungkook acts when he's telling the truth -- shy and quiet, which he currently was -- and Jungkook was definitely telling the truth.

He _missed_ Jimin, he _misses_ Jimin, so so much and Jimin misses him too.

"I... I miss you too Kookie," Jimin blushes. "But I'm not sure if I should..."

Jungkook frowns. "You're not sure if you should stay the night? Or you're not sure if your boyfriend will be okay with you staying the night?"

Jimin averts his gaze, the butterflies in his stomach have disappeared.

_"Why is Jungkook always so knowing?"_

"It's j-just... it's kind of speculating?"

Jungkook raises a brow. "You spending the night is _speculating_?"

Jimin nods sheepishly, "I d-don't want Taeyang to think anything..."

"Anything like what?" Jungkook seems to over think what Jimin means and has a few thoughts on his mind of things -- all very dirty and stuff he doesn't know how to feel about thinking -- he and Jimin could do that is _speculating_ but he's not quite sure.

"It's not like we're doing anything Jimin. We're just friends... best friends," he says nonchalantly.

Jimin's blush darkens as he admits. "I know... but Taeyang will come up with something... h-he's like that."

_He'll come up with something then beat you..._

It's a thought that passes through both of their minds yet none of them speak up on it and Jungkook frowns as he states differently. "He doesn't trust you..."

Jimin isn't meeting his eyes as he shakes his head. "No... h-he doesn't trust anyone... not just me."

Jungkook is internally bewildered. "But you're his boyfriend."

It doesn't make sense to Jungkook. Why date someone if you don't trust them? Why waste the time?

"I know..."

If anything Jimin should be the one not trusting Taeyang, since he was the one out doing who could only imagine -- yet the smaller still told himself that he trusted Taeyang even when he knew Taeyang was probably up to no good, it was the illusion of fake love that made him tell himself that.

He wanted real love, not the fake one he was holding onto -- not the fake love that didn't even attempt to show love anymore.

Jungkook huffs, licking his lips after pursing them in thought. "Well guess what? I trust you hyung and I'm not leaving you out here in the cold so you have no other choice but to come with me."

Jimin shakes his head again. "Jungkook I can't..."

Jungkook rolls his tired eyes. "Give me a valid reason on why you can't -- one that doesn't involve your possessive _boyfriend."_

Jimin furrows his eyebrows in thought, body shivering from the cold air in the lobby.

"I-I don't have one I just... I just can't..."

Jungkook sighs, feeling slightly aggravated. "Why not hyung? What are you scared of? Him?"

Jungkook knows he shouldn't irritate Jimin again by accusing his boyfriend of anything but he just can't help it.

Jimin's eyes snap up at Jungkook's sly question. It's true he is scared, he already knows what Taeyang would do to him if he finds out he slept at Jungkook's.

He doesn't want to go through that but at the same time Jungkook isn't giving up -- something Jimin should of already known since they were kids but after the years he had just assumed Jungkook would have changed, he didn't.

It should be a good thing but instead it just makes everything harder for Jimin because Jungkook is still that protective, knowing, _loving_ best friend -- the only difference is his appearance but Jimin isn't complaining, Jungkook is very handsome.

"N-No I'm not! I just..."

"You just what hyung? Do you not trust me or something? I promise I'm not as weird as I use to be..."

This gets a cute bubbly laugh out of Jimin, one that has Jungkook showing his own bunny tooth grin.

"N-No that's not it I just... I don't know Jungkookie... I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable... especially you. I don't want you to feel obligated to open your space because I forgot my keys like an idiot..."

"Hyung. You're not an idiot first of all and second of all I wouldn't be offering if I felt uncomfortable," maybe he does feel a little obligated but he's always felt that way for Jimin, it's almost an instinct that he just can't control still even after all these years separated. "So please just come so I won't be worrying?"

Jimin feels bad now. He doesn't want Jungkook to worry about him when he could be worrying about much more important people or things...

"But... I-I" Jungkook's stare is so strong, so hopeful, Jimin can't help but to sigh.

"Okay..."

Jungkook smiles smugly, Jimin still can't resist him.

"Alright then lets go, hop on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, for anyone who cares and is reading consistently, It's been a while but school and family has been taking up all my free time so I had no time to write since my chapters I admit aren't pre written. And I also know you're probably upset about the cliff hanger but this chapter is slightly longer and I hope that makes up for it


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey hobi hyung! I j-just realize--" **_hiccup._** "That Jungkook still isn't back! He must be taking a _long_ piss!"

Hoseok's eyebrows furrow at Taehyung's sudden statement, he's so out of his mind he can't even concentrate from where he's sitting in the booth.

"Oh wow... maybe... maybe he ditched us!" He exclaims, voice wavering from all the drinks he's going to regret drinking tomorrow.

Taehyung's face contorts as he whines from where he sat across from Hoseok, drink splashing in his hand. "How can he just ditch his friends!"

"Who is Jungkook!?" Their new friend Namjoon, who was sitting besides Taehyung, exclaims drunkenly over the music.

"You don't know--" **_hiccup._** "Jungkook!?" Taehyung exclaims back.

"He's a tall... cute looking Taekwondo fighter. But don't let the cute look fool you! Because oh wow my god he can really fight!" Hoseok explains, nodding almost painfully at just the thought of Jungkook fighting.

"Ah man! I want to see a fight! I don't know any Jungkook's though!" Namjoon whines sadly.

Their other new friend, Yoongi, who sat besides Hoseok seems suddenly interested as he looks up from his beer; he is also drunk, but more calmly compared to the others.

"Jungkook...? Bathroom..? Ah Namjoon maybe they're talking about the kid who was looking for Jimin?"

"Oh yeah! He _was_ looking for Jimin! Ah Jiminie! Jimin's your friend right!?" Namjoon asks Hoseok and Taehyung who nod, Taehyung more excitedly as a box smile grows across his face.

"Yes! Jimin's our best friend! He's so cute right?! I wonder where he is! He didn't come see us and we were gonna take him out to eat!" Taehyung huffs, upsettingly.

"We were gonna eat barbecue! But we can't find him anywhere!" Hoseok adds in, a frown appearing on his lips.

"Ah barbecue sounds nice!" Namjoon sympathizes, sobering up slightly at the thought of food.

"I hope he's okay... Hopefully he's with Jungkook." Taehyung pouts.

"Well he's certainly not with Taeyang that's for sure..." Yoongi suddenly mumbles, staring at Taeyang who was across the room with a damn there naked girl wrapped on his back, whispering in his ear and encouraging him to sniff the line of cocaine off the table surrounded by a bunch of drug dealers.

Yoongi noticed his best friend Minho (the boy who was laughing when they all heard Jimin getting beat for forgetting the dance) was sitting there too, also with a half naked girl on him as he encouraged Taeyang to do the drugs -- the drugs Yoongi himself and Namjoon (when they actually saw Taeyang as a friend) had told Taeyang multiple times before not to do but the older just never listens.

The other's eyes follow Yoongi's and Taehyung and Hoseok gasp while Namjoon shakes his head in disapproval.

"See he's no good for Jimin ah!"

"Yeah I know Namjoon ah... I honestly don't see why Jimin hasn't left him yet. Does he know what he does when he's not around?"

Yoongi's question is directed towards Jimin's friends; he himself already knows everything Taeyang does when Jimin isn't around, but he wants to know if _Jimin_ knows.

He wants to know if Jimin knows about all the drugs, all the clubs, all the girls Taeyang fucks behind his back -- well not really even really behind Jimin's back, sometimes Taeyang would just invite the girls over to his place (when Jimin was literally in the bedroom knowing, and trying to tell himself it's not what he thought) then fuck them in the open on the couch, carelessly, and with out shame. Then with no regret he goes and hops in the bed with Jimin when he's finished.

Yoongi and Namjoon usually took their leave before he fucked the girl but they still knew, they knew how their 'friend' was -- is -- since they are there most of the time to witness everything he does and they, especially Yoongi, kind of wished he would have told Jimin sooner.

"I'm not sure if Jiminie knows..." Hoseok has a permanent frown on his lips as he stares hard at where Taeyang is lip locking with some random girl.

"If he did he didn't tell us anything. We... we didn't even know..." There's all type of feels running through Hoseok, sadness, anger, guilt -- the biggest one is guilt. He always felt like he knew Taeyang wasn't a good guy (ever since the incident at the sleep over, where Jimin suddenly had to leave) but he never had the guts to tell Jimin who use to always seem so happy until recently; recently he just always seemed in pain or scared when he or Taehyung brought up his boyfriend.

And it made sense now! Something had to be going on! Taeyang doing drugs and cheating -- Who knows what Jimin knows -- Who knows what he does to Jimin?!

Those bruises Jimin had, they couldn't be from falling! There was no way!

And Hoseok and Taehyung knew that -- _Jimin_ knew that! So... why did he tell Hoseok and Taehyung that he fell?

Why wasn't he telling them the truth? They all knew -- even Jungkook -- that there was more to the story than what Jimin was telling them so why won't Jimin just tell them?!

Tell them anything!? They were so worried about their friend who they were loosing day by day because he was withdrawing himself from them.

He was withdrawing himself, distancing himself, and not eating right for the sake of his dead beat, abusive ass boyfriend and it wasn't fair.

But... how would they get Jimin to see that as well?

"Well now we know and I'm going to kick his sorry druggy c-cheating ass!" A drunk Taehyung makes a move from the booth but Namjoon pulls him back before he can even get a foot out.

"I don't think you should do that V! That guy next to him is his best friend and he also takes Taekwondo!"

"I don't care! I'll get my ass whooped for Jiminie any day! Plus I think I watched enough of Jungkookie's videos to know what I'm doing!"

"I'm telling you V you shouldn't do it," Namjoon holds onto an angry Taehyung's arms as he tries to calm him down.

"But it's for ChimChim!" Taehyung whines then turns in his seat to cross his arms with a pout.

"I know Tae..." Hoseok mumbles, sobered up fully now. His whole mood was suddenly ruined. "I want to kick his ass too but maybe we should wait and get someone who actually knows how to fight to do it."

"Fine..." he seems to have given up but then he exclaims. "Oh! Jungkook! Jungkookie can fight him hyung!"

Hoseok purses his lips. "We can't just make Jungkook fight him... plus do you think he even knows?"

"He definitely knows something," Yoongi mumbles, thinking about how angry the boy looked when he watched Taeyang drag Jimin into the bathroom earlier.

"Yeah that Jungkook guy seemed really angry about something earlier when he was looking for Jimin... are they close?" Namjoon questions curiously.

"Yes apparently they were best friends when they were younger and are now just reuniting," Hoseok explains, remembering how earlier in the night Taehyung begged Jungkook to tell him how he knew Jimin, since Jimin didn't respond (being to busy practicing the dance to check his phone in the first place) to him when he asked in the group chat the day before.

_Jungkook had just finished telling Taehyung (who had decided to question the life out of him and make him slightly regret sitting with him) about his first time knocking someone out, when the later then asked about Jimin._

_"Wow that's so cool! Oh! Can you please tell me how you met Jimin Jungkook?! Please!?"_

_Jungkook took one glance at the tall boy's puppy eyes and sighed, Hoseok had laughed because Taehyung knew exactly what he was doing._

_"We met in Busan on the soccer team when we were kids..."_

_"Aw! How cute! Can you imagine little Jiminie and Jungkook playing soccer Hobi hyung?! I bet Jiminie was so tiny and had super chubby cheeks... aw I miss his cheeks!" Taehyung who was already tipsy whined making Jungkook smile just thinking about his days on the soccer field with clingy chubby cheeked Jimin._

_"If you guys were best friends then why'd Jimin tell us he didn't know you?" Hoseok question, confused._

_"After Jimin left..." Hoseok and Taehyung were listening with full attention. They didn't know much about Jimin's past other than his father dying, his mom being unfit, and somethings from the orphanage -- Jimin never told them about his sexual assault incidents or Jungkook._

_"We lost contact but somehow we found each other..."_ The words had slipped out of Jungkook's mouth naturally, almost like he knew he'd find Jimin again one day -- which he did, he knew he would find Jimin again because when Jimin first left he promised himself every night that he would find him and... he did.

Or we'll Jimin found him, but the way they found each other doesn't matter, as long as they're together that's all that matters.

Which is still weird for Jungkook to think because a couple months (weeks) ago he was angry and regretful because Jimin found him and he didn't want anything or anyone, even Jimin at the time, interfering with his goals, yet now he had new goals and this time they involved said boy and helping him become the old best friend he knew.

The old best friend he missed.

_"Aww so cute! This is like a k-drama line!" Taehyung had cooed while Hoseok smiled brightly, thinking to himself 'wow Jungkook isn't as bad as I thought'._

_"Right! Wow I'm glad you guys found each other again... Jimin seemed really happy with you around yesterday. I haven't seen him light up like that in a while... even while he was hurt... He must've been missing you," Hoseok said sincerely._

_"Yeah... I missed him too," Jungkook had admitted after a while of taking in Hoseok's words._

"Wow that's great..." Namjoon who is now fully sober as well nods. "...though I don't know the depths of their relationship, they do say true love always comes back to you... especially when you need it the most."

Yoongi nods at Namjoon's words. "I don't know how much of that is true but it sounds accurate and I do know that Jimin ah needs it. He needs it and that Jungkook kid must know."

"Maybe that's why they found each other again... maybe they both need it? M-Maybe they both need each other?" Taehyung drunkenly speaks up from where he was resting his head on his hands, pout still in place.

"Yeah... maybe they do Tae... maybe they do."

*

  *

"Alright then lets go, hop on."

Jimin giggles at Jungkook, who's back and head is turned towards him, waiting patiently, face un normally playful.

"I can walk Jungkookie it's not t-that far," he states voice quiet and slightly hesitant as he looks back at his apartment door, hoping the beating he gets for this won't be _too_ unbearable.

"Nope, the floors are gross in here too I'm not risking anything," Jungkook says, certainly.

"Anything like what?" Jimin says, smile making its way back onto his face slowly as he climbs Jungkook's back again.

Jungkook's hands grab onto the back of Jimin's bony thighs and he holds on tightly.

"Anything in general. I don't want _anything_ to happen to you..." Jimin can feel his heart melting in his chest at how easy the words fall from Jungkook's lips.

Jungkook's smiles to ignore the heat on his cheeks. "We still have a lot to catch up on, a lot we missed out on each other."

Jimin wraps his arms around Jungkook's neck then relaxes into the tall boy's shoulder once again.

"Yes we do Jungkookie..."

Jimin can faintly feel the nervous pit in his stomach at the thought of talking about anything related to himself or his past yet surprisingly it doesn't bother him. He feels like he still trusts Jungkook enough to tell him _mostly_ anything -- well anything that doesn't have to do with how Taeyang treats him.

That (his relationship with Taeyang) was something he never felt like he would be able to talk about with anyone -- not even Jin who he use to tell everything, _willingly_.

This topic though, was something he thought he wouldn't even be alive to tell anyone if he ever eventually got the courage to.

It sucks but it's the truth.

He didn't even think he would be here to even see Jungkook ever again but here he was on said boy's back, going to said boy's apartment and he is so happy, so comfortable, so excited.

He hasn't been this excited in forever -- he hasn't been happy _or comfortable_ in forever!

And as they make their way to Jungkook's he doesn't even glance back at his own apartment door.

*  
  *

"Oh shit I'm sorry hyung I totally forgot that I dropped this last night," Jungkook rushes to his kitchen, after softly setting Jimin down, to get his broom and dust pan to clean up the sand that broke from his boxing bag.

Maybe he was punching it a little _too_ hard last night _._

Jimin stood by the walkway of Jungkook's apartment awkwardly, holding his hands together nervously as he watched Jungkook easily pick up the broken bag then place it in the corner of the living room.

Jungkook glances back at Jimin who is already watching him, a sheepish and shy smile making its way on his face.

"S-Sorry do you need help?" Jimin asks, seemingly so small to Jungkook from where he stood.

Jungkook shakes his head, a small shy smile on his face as well. "No. You can take a seat though. You're making me feel awkward just standing right there."

Jimin glances at the couch and internally 'duhs' himself at the fact he didn't even think to take a seat. Luckily Jungkook finds the fact amusing and cute unlike Taeyang who'd probably call him a dumbass for being so slow or just awkward in general.

Jimin shakes the thought of his boyfriend who could be doing god knows what -- possibly on his way home -- out his head. He didn't want to think about Taeyang when he was finally with Jungkook, Jungkook who wanted him around, Jungkook who'd rather be around him than out partying and getting high or laid.

Jimin takes a seat on Jungkook's soft cotton black couch and waits patiently, hands placed together on his lap anxious and obediently.

Jungkook finishes cleaning up the mess while Jimin looks around his empty apartment. Jungkook's apartment was so much different and nicer compared to Taeyang's apartment which was messy and crowded with random unnecessary items that Jimin of course tried to throw away at one point but it usually resulted in him getting scolded or beaten if he actually did throw something, Taeyang didn't even need in the first place, away.

After Jungkook tosses the sand in the trash he places his broom back in the kitchen then makes his way back to the living room where Jimin was sat on his couch, still shivering and looking up at him with wide, wondering, and worried eyes.

"Um..." Jungkook bites his bottom lip nervously. There is many things he wants to ask Jimin about but he feels like said boy's health is way more important than his questions.

"Are... are you cold?"

Jimin nods timidly, he could already feel the cold rising in his immune system and he dreaded it.

Since he was underweight he got sick easily and the colds lasted forever because his immune system couldn't fight them off fast enough.

Usually when that happened Jimin would have to deal with them on his own since Taeyang thought he was contaminated with something (by someone) and didn't want Jimin touching him or even near him.

Jimin could remember the first time he got sick living with Taeyang. It was in spring in his first year of college, and he had already experienced a couple of Taeyang's beatings then.

_"Hachoo!"_

_Taeyang glanced over at Jimin from his side of the bed. The smaller's face held a blush, his nose was raw red from wiping it, and his lips were slightly cracked. It seemed to look like he had picken up a cold from the freezing spring air that was coming from the window Taeyang keeps leaving open because Jimin keeps "making him hot with all the body heat his_ **_fat_ ** _ass produces"._

_Though what Taeyang said was hurtful it also made no sense to Jimin because for one they didn't even sleep close to each other unless Taeyang thought Jimin was going to leave him in the middle of the night (this was usually after a beating and Taeyang would hold Jimin under him so tightly the smaller thought he would die from suffocation if he he went to sleep) so... yeah it was pretty dumb but Jimin never told Taeyang that because he rather not experience the beating he'd get for disagreeing with what Taeyang does._

_So therefore he just let Taeyang open the window and now look at him he's sick._

_"This is like the one hundredth time you sneezed what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking sick?" Taeyang had finally asked Jimin after he sneezed again._

_Jimin looked up at him, taking his eyes off the muted (it was muted because Taeyang didn't allow him to play his phone volume (and sometimes even the tv too!) out loud because it was "too loud and gave him a headache" -- in reality it was the withdrawing hangover he was feeling from drugs) dance video he was watching._

_Jimin placed his phone on his lap then stuttered out while glancing towards the window. "Um... I-I think it's because of the open window..."_

_Taeyang had stared at him quizzically. "The window? You think I'm fucking stupid or something?!"_

_"S-Stupid..? No I don't t-think you're stupid?" At least Jimin would never admit he thought Taeyang was stupid._

_Taeyang sat up suddenly. "You've been fucking on someone huh? That's why you're suddenly sick huh?! Letting people give you shit?"_

_Jimin could feel his eyes watering as he shook his head no. "N-No! I-I haven't even been anywhere! I-I come straight home after school! I'm telling you i-it's the window--"_

_"Then you're going to lie to my fucking face! Tell me no! And then blame it on a fucking window?! A fucking window Jimin?!" Taeyang shouted making Jimin scoot over on the bed in fear. "You know what... Get the fuck out! Get your nasty ass out my fucking room before I beat your ass!"_

_Jimin was slightly taken back for a moment because though Taeyang has beaten him multiple times already before, Taeyang had still never kicked him out before and he didn't know where exactly Taeyang wanted him to go but he quickly found himself moving off the bed and heading towards the door anyways, with only a small blanket he had from when he was a kid._

_"Go get on that fucking couch and stay there until whatever fucking virus you caught disappears! Don't touch any of my shit!"_

_Jimin had felt the tear drops slipping down his face (not knowing he'd get sent to the couch many times after) as he made his way to the uncomfortable brown leather couch._

_"Why does my own boyfriend think I'm cheating on him?! I've only ever been with him romantically and He_ ** _knows_** _that so why... why is he treating me this!? Like I'm carrying a disease! ... what's wrong with me? Why does he hate me? I'm trying so hard for him... I've already stopped eating so much. I wear all the pretty makeup girls do. I cook... I clean. I take care of_ ** _him_** _when he's sick! Or drunk and throwing up after he decides to walts in at 3 a.m... so why can't he just help me? Why does he hate me so much?"_ These were the things Jimin thought and asked himself all night.

Taeyang would force him to sleep in the living room with just a small blanket whenever he was sick, and then he wouldn't even ask Jimin if he needed something or if he was even okay.

Jimin would have to beg him to just go and get medicine! He remembers the first time, he got even worse since Taeyang sent him to the living room.

_"T-Taeyang can I please have some of your medicine? Or c-can you go get me some from the store?" Jimin had asked Taeyang the next day when he caught the latter leaving._

_Taeyang had scoffed. "First you try and give me whatever the fuck you got then you ask for my fucking medicine? Hell no! Maybe If you wouldn't let random people touch on you then you wouldn't need any fucking medicine!"_

_Jimin's eyes had filled with tears again but instead of trying to tell Taeyang he didn't do anything he looked down ashamed because... it's not like Taeyang would listen anyways._

_In fact he just continued walking out past Jimin and out the door._

_"You're lucky I never decided to go raw on your nasty ass..." was the last thing Taeyang said to him and he didn't come home till the early hours, drunk off mixed alcohol and puking._

_Jimin, who was still very sick and so exhausted, had helped him into the bathroom, changed his clothes after wiping him down, then tucked him into bed._

_Jimin didn't know why he did it? Maybe it was just in his heart or mind to take care of Taeyang? Maybe he didn't want to get beat for not helping Taeyang when Taeyang was sober enough to realize he was sleeping in his own substance? Well the last one didn't matter because the next day when Taeyang was hungover and sober he was also sick._

_Jimin got beat for that of course, since Taeyang blamed him even though it also could've been the window he forced Jimin to keep open and not touch even when he was drunk._

Jimin remembers he tried not to get sick ever again -- even till this day, but he couldn't help when he did and often got sent to the couch a lot or beat.

"Okay let me... turn this on."

Jungkook's voice brings Jimin out of his thoughts and the later watches as the taller heads toward the thermometer and turns on the heater.

"Uh..." Jungkook turns away from the thermometer and makes eye contact with Jimin. "It should warm up in here soon. Do you want to take a shower? I uh noticed your shirt was kind of wet when you were sleeping on me... so I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Jungkook had no idea why Jimin's was wet; he had no idea Taeyang poured an ice cold water on him either, but if he knew there probably would've been a major problem.

Jimin looked down at his sheer shirt (that was indeed still damp from the ice cold water Taeyang poured on him) then back to Jungkook.

"Oh... Um I didn't even realize. Hopefully I didn't wet your shirt. I-I'm really sorry if I did."

Jungkook shrugs, eyes not moving off of Jimin. "It's fine. Why is your shirt wet anyways?"

Jimin visibly halts, eyes searching the floor for an easy lie; he hated lying, especially to Jungkook.

"Oh I... I um sweat a lot?"

Jungkook purses his lips knowingly. "Really? You use to never sweat when we were kids."

"Well I'm not really a kid anymore Jungkookie..." Jimin states quietly as he nervously playing with his hands.

Jungkook nods once, coming to stand near the couch besides Jimin, who peeks up at him curiously. "Yeah you're right and some things have changed about you since then..."

Though Jimin frowns at Jungkook's words he doesn't disagree because what the younger is saying is true, he has changed. And he's not sure if it was for the better or for the worse.

"Do... do you think I've changed badly Jungkookie?" Jimin can't help but ask Jungkook, someone who once knew the real him.

Jungkook takes a seat on the arm of the other couch, arms crossed as he thinks of a response.

"I wouldn't say you've changed _badly_ hyung. I'm just saying things about you has changed in general..."

"L-Like what?"

Jungkook takes in how small and vulnerable Jimin suddenly sounds, and it makes him want to just hold the older like old times.

"Well..."

"Please be honest Jungkookie..." Jimin inputs, looking up at Jungkook with tired eyes.

"Well you're really quiet now... when we were younger you were really outgoing and loved attention. Now it seems like you turn into a turtle when it's on you..." when Jimin doesn't say anything Jungkook continues. "I've already brought this up but I can't help but notice you've lost a lot of weight since when we were kids... when you were--"

" _Fat..._ and ugly."

Jungkook stares at Jimin who isn't looking at him but at the floor. He looks calm and Jungkook notices the whispered words slipped so easily and seriously out of his mouth, it makes him frown.

"You weren't fat or ugly Jimin hyung."

Jimin always had a habit of bringing himself down, especially when they were younger and he was going through things with his family. He would blame himself for their problems, then repeat the names his own mother would call him back to himself.

Jungkook had always been their to tell Jimin he wasn't _pathetic_ or whatever his mother called him, and Jimin would believe Jungkook because it was Jungkook and he loved Jungkook.

Yet overtime it's seems like Jimin had fallen back into putting himself down again and Jungkook didn't know how or why he was like this but what he did know was that he'd stop it.

He'd make Jimin see the good in himself once again and this time maybe even the _beauty._

"You don't have to lie to me Jungkookie... I know I was and I still am."

Jungkook stood up again and made his way towards Jimin, who didn't have the courage to look up at the taller, therefore Jungkook got on his knees.

"Jimin hyung look at me..." Jungkook hadn't had to comfort someone like this since he was a kid and had to hold a very disheveled (mentally and physically) and bullied Jimin every other day. So you can say he was a bit rusty in this area, since he was so used to not showing his emotions and being emotional -- unlike Jimin, who was still very emotional and made him bring out his own emotions like now.

Jimin looked up at Jungkook and Jungkook noticed the giant tears in his eyes. Jimin was trying his best to hold them in because he knew he looked horrible and he didn't understand why exactly or what exactly he was crying about but he guessed it didn't matter to Jungkook as the younger whispered a "You're beautiful" then pulled him into his strong arms.

Jimin held onto Jungkook's shirt tightly, as if the other would suddenly disappear again, then he cried _hard._

"Though some things have changed. You're still beautiful. You've always been beautiful even back then... even now. You're still my best friend and..." _I still love you._

"A-And nothing has c-changed about you... you're still so s-sweet..." Jimin mumbled in between Jungkook's shoulder and neck as the later rubs his back.

Jungkook can't help but to smile even though he's mentally swearing himself for not being able to admit the words he wants to. "You think so?"

He wants to ask _is it too early for me to admit I still love you_ but he holds back as Jimin nods.

"Y-Yes..."

Jungkook's knees are starting to ache but his smile is still there as Jimin sniffles, calming down.

"Hmm... I think you rubbed your sweetness off on me because I could've sworn just a couple weeks ago I was being mean."

If Jimin couldn't hear the smile in Jungkook's voice he would've felt very awkward about said boy bringing up Jimin calling him mean in the elevator, but instead he feels his heart stop clenching as he takes in Jungkook's light tone.

"You were being mean..." Jimin finally pulls away from Jungkook and the taller notices a small sheepish smile on his face as he wipes his eyes.

"I was being pretty mean... I'm sorry," Jungkook apologizes again just thinking about how rude he was to Jimin in the elevator and other times too.

"It's okay," Jimin says softly, he looks so tired but his eyes don't leave Jungkook's until the younger shyly looks down.

Jungkook doesn't know what to think of the sudden feeling that washes through him when Jimin courageously stares; he thinks he likes it but he doesn't know what to do about it, he's never had this feeling -- well not since he was a kid anyways, back then Jimin gave him butterflies with every smile and touch especially when it was a soft kiss on the cheek. The ones that were barely breaking lip boundaries, those were the best.

He didn't know why he missed them. He and Jimin were grown now and Jimin had a _boyfriend_ so his feelings didn't matter and he shouldn't even be feeling them! Jimin was his friend, his best friend. Best friends aren't supposed to feel this way for each other -- well that's what he thought until he remembered he felt this way even when he and Jimin were kids too.

He just never understood why though. He had always assumed he liked girls but now that he thought about it he couldn't recall ever liking a girl. He couldn't recall ever thinking of a wife and children, he's only ever thought of Jimin whom he'd spend his life with, Jimin whom he liked.

He use to think when they grew up they'd run away to Seoul together and start their careers together; back then Jimin didn't know what he wanted to do (after his mom stopped making him go to soccer practice) but Jungkook didn't care he told the smaller he'd take care of him until he knew.

The whole situation didn't really plan out as _planned_ but Jimin was still here with him and Jungkook still liked him and wanted to take of him -- especially since it didn't seem like his boyfriend was doing a great job at it.

Thinking of Jimin's boyfriend really made him mad because why was Jimin even with a guy like that? It was slightly surprising to Jungkook that Jimin is dating a man, only because open homosexuality wasn't something he saw a lot, but Jimin is his friend and he got over it. What he wasn't over was Jimin's boyfriend, he didn't understand what Jimin saw in him. And he wanted to ask but he wasn't sure if it was his place and he didn't want to make Jimin uncomfortable even though it was obvious Jimin was already uncomfortable when he even said one word about his own boyfriend.

No one should ever be uncomfortable when talking about their lovers. You should be happy and excited and in love -- not scared. Just remembering how scared Jimin looked when Jungkook had brought up Taeyang or especially Taeyang hurting him, it made Jungkook's skin boil.

Something was up and he'd find out why Jimin was so scared. First he needed to get Jimin to trust him enough to tell him; he didn't understand why he was covering for Taeyang in the first place but he'd find out. Even if Jimin didn't tell him and it meant he had to catch them in the act.

"Well then how about that shower? It's warmed up in here enough, you should probably go get in. I'll start dinner while you're at it.

Jimin notices Jungkook's sudden mood drop as he gets up from the floor and heads towards the kitchen. Jimin bites his lip, self esteem esteem dropping because he believes Jungkook doesn't want to be around him anymore since he was staring like a weirdo -- in reality Jungkook was just confused and angry at his own emotions.

"Okay..." Jimin stands and walks his weak legs to the bathroom. Luckily Jungkook's apartment is shaped just like his own so he doesn't get lost.

Jimin easily starts a hot relaxing and much needed shower while Jungkook figures out what to cook in the kitchen.

He usually would order take out but he wasn't exactly sure what Jimin liked and he had enough of his parents calling -- especially his mom -- talking about him needing to be eating healthy.

Ramen would do.

While Jungkook waited for the water to boil he checked his phone, something he didn't do often until Taehyung got a hold of his social medias and number.

**Taehyung: take car of Jiminie!!!!!**

**Taehyung: care** oops hehe you got what I mean tho right?**  

**Taehyung: WAIT! he is wirh you right?!**

**Taehyung: WITH FUCK AUTOCORRECT!**

**Taehyung: we need you to beat up a very no fun mean guy that's cheating on Jiminie!** **I would do it but I don't got no kung fu skills like u Jungkookie**

**Taehyung: THE GIRLS NOT EVEB AS CURE AS JIMIN! I BET SHE HAS NO JAMS!!!!!**

**Taehyung: CUTE**** **F U AUTOCORRECT**

**last sent at 11:59 p.m**

Jungkook chuckled at all the messages until he got to the one that made his brain pause.

"Cheating?"

Taeyang was cheating on Jimin? Why would Taehyung randomly just say something like this? It had to be true... but did Jimin know?

He must have. Jungkook saw Jimin witness his boyfriend sitting next to a very revealing girl.

The question though was how many times has Taeyang cheated on Jimin and how many times has Jimin found out and stayed -- or was forced to stay.

Jungkook's grip tightened on his phone at the thought.

Jimin across the apartment sighed as the hot water relaxed his muscles. He didn't even glance at himself before he got in the shower; he hated looking at himself and usually wouldn't unless he was getting ready or forced himself as punishment for whatever he did to make Taeyang beat him -- but that wasn't the case this time, this time he just didn't want to take too long in Jungkook's bathroom so he rather hurry up.

Jimin took the clean towel he borrowed from Jungkook's towel holder then he looked around for soap, hoping Jungkook wouldn't mind him using his soap _and_ towel for that matter.

After mentally telling himself it's fine (to use Jungkook's soap, since he did offer Jimin to take a shower) he washed himself up with Jungkook's soap and shampoo, loving the manly but neutral smell he wasn't used to since Taeyang only bought him girly soap that was way too strong for his liking.

 _"This smell is something I could get use to..."_ Jimin thinks as he closes his eyes and relaxes.

When Jimin gets out the shower he realizes he must've been in for a while because Jungkook is knocking.

"Hey are you okay?" Jungkook questions as Jimin wraps himself in a towel.

"O-Oh um yes..." Jimin glances around the bathroom then looks at his clothes he was wearing on the ground.

"J-Jungkookie can I borrow some clothes?" Jimin asks hopefully, holding the wrapped towel close to his chest.

"Yeah... of course."

Jungkook heads to his room and searched his dresser for clothes that would fit Jimin.

Jimin was pretty small compared to him so he wasn't sure -- wait. But Jimin is small compared to his boyfriend as well and he was obviously wearing the mans clothes when he answered the door for Jungkook that one time.

Jungkook sighed and grabbed a simple t shirt, sweats, boxers and socks hoping the first two would fit as he made his way back to the bathroom.

While he had been looking Jimin had been forced to stare at himself in the mirror that un fogged. He didn't mean to but his eyes slipped and now he was full on staring at himself.

He frowned, not understanding why he didn't like the sight of his overly sharp jaw and way too prominent collar bones.

He had wished to be this skinny forever and now as he looks at himself he can't understand why...

He feels so ugly but what can he do?

_Eat._

"Eat..." Jimin whispers just as Jungkook knocks on the door again.

"Here hyung... um I'm not sure what your size is but I tried to find the smallest I could."

Jimin slowly opens the door, his breath suddenly short as he watches Jungkook's eyes widen slightly at first sight of him.

Though the white towel swallowed him, Jimin was still obviously _so_ skinny and Jungkook couldn't help but to avert his eyes. It wasn't like he was uncomfortable or anything-- okay actually yes. Yes he was uncomfortable, uncomfortably at the fact something made Jimin become this small -- whether it be Jimin who made himself like this on his own or not, something had to cause it.

 _Someone_ had to cause it.

"Thank you..." Jimin whispers, not looking Jungkook in the eyes as he watches the taller place the clothes on the counter.

"No problem," is all Jungkook says as he picks up Jimin's worn clothes off the ground willingly then closes the door back.

Jimin releases a breath he had been holding then dresses quickly. As he's dressing though he notices that the sweats Jungkook gave him don't fit, not even with the drawstrings pulled together tightly.

Jimin frowns again, biting his lips anxiously as he folds up Jungkook's sweats then makes his way out the door.

Jungkook had just finished throwing Jimin's clothes in the washing machine when Jimin made his way into the kitchen, hands holding Jungkook's sweats.

"Um they couldn't f-fit..." Jimin doesn't enjoy the cool breeze that runs past his thin legs or the way Jungkook glances down at them.

He feels self conscious and Jungkook must've sensed it because he averts his eyes quickly.

"Oh uh well I don't really have anymore pants under that size..." even the boxers he gave Jimin had to be rolled up, while the shirt almost touched his knees as it hung off his shoulders.

The only things that seemed to fit was the socks, that went up to Jimin's calf.

"It's o-okay... thanks anyways."

"You can just put it down. I'll put them up later..." Jungkook says, trying hard not to stare at Jimin's exposed skin as he carries two bowls of ramen to the counter with the stools.

Jimin puts Jungkook's sweats down on the counter then sits down on a stool when Jungkook motions it's okay for him to.

"I also put your clothes in the wash," Jungkook states as he also takes a seat on a stool.

"Oh... thank you."

 _Thank god_ is what Jimin thinks because he won't have to go home in Jungkook's clothes -- boxers at that-- And it isn't that he had a problem with it it's just Taeyang probably would have an even bigger fit if he saw him -- that's if Taeyang was at home in the morning anyways.

Jimin hoped he wasn't... he _really_ hoped he wasn't.

"I'm not really a cook so I hope ramen is okay?" Jungkook suddenly says, watching Jimin attentively, as he looks down at the bowel and examines the ramen like he's never had it before.

"Oh that's... that's fine. Thank you." What Jimin really wants to say is that Jungkook didn't even need to cook anything for him at all and that he wasn't hungry but his stomach disagreed as it clenched -- in hunger.

He was so hungry after not eating anything but a cracker (which he forced himself to eat because he hadn't had anything in almost a week -- this was four days ago) and throwing that up earlier in the night. The only thing he's had is water and sometimes he couldn't even keep that down if he starved himself for too long. So he was definitely scared to eat the ramen -- or anything in general honestly -- just in case he puked it up once his stomach rejected it or his mind for that matter. He was also scared that Jungkook would be angry with him or judge him if he did... puke, so you could see why Jimin was so reluctant about eating.

Even when he really did want to. He wanted to eat so bad sometimes. He'd see beautiful meals and food in the stores, on the television, or just at a local street vendor who was selling hot dogs and he'd crave it so bad -- he'd crave the hot dogs or whatever the meal may have been, sometimes it was just a simple bag of chips and he'd want it so bad... so bad his mouth would water and he'd force himself to look away after staring -- contemplating -- the food for so long.

Wondering whether he should eat it or not. Most of the times he wanted to, he wanted to so bad.

Yet... he couldn't. He couldn't eat it, his mind told him he didn't need it, everything was too fatty and would make him blow up like a pig and Taeyang hate him more; while his stomach which also craved the food just wouldn't allow him.

He'd have to listen to his friends (who were obviously worried because he _still_ kept turning down their offers to lunch or dinner) talk about all the yummy food they ate or new things they've tried -- food Jimin missed.

Food he missed so much -- wow he _really_ missed ramen and it was right in front of him and... and it smelled so so good and Jungkook was eyeing him, waiting for him to take a bite or at least pick up the chop sticks.

And he did.

He finally picked up the chopstick, hand shaking slightly as he placed it in the bowel, stirring the noodles for a moment before reluctantly bringing one to his mouth.

Jungkook stared the whole process, watching Jimin internally fight himself before he actually took a bit; Jungkook chewing his own noodles along with him.

"Good?" Jungkook asked, curiously.

Jimin nodded, shyly glancing at Jungkook who wore a small proud smile, before taking another bite -- it was bigger this time and he could feel the warmth sink into his stomach happily.

He was happy, Jungkook was happy and they finished their noodles in a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An. 
> 
> Another cliff hanger wow I know i suck haha xD but the story is going to start getting really crazy you can say I guess and I hope whoever is reading is anticipating! :) I'm sorry for this long awaited update :( I'll try to update as soon as possible! I'm out on break this Friday so I'll definitely have time. Please leave feedback I love it so much, it keeps me going and confident in this story.
> 
> Ps. I had writers block asf in this chapter for some reason x(


	11. Chapter 11

~~~~Though Jimin got full about half way through (since his stomach wasn't use to even a serving of ramen) he still forced himself to finish his ramen. He didn't know he could do it but he did -- mostly because he just _couldn't_ stop.

It was so good, so fulfilling for him; he just couldn't -- he didn't want to stop and at the exact moment he had been eating he didn't even force himself to like he usually did, when he would over eat past his one bite limit then force himself to puke it out after -- even if he barely went past two bites.

This time he felt no need to puke -- well mentally he didn't (probably because Taeyang wasn't here to watch him with judging eyes or ask him why was eating -- because according to Taeyang he was fat already and didn't need to be eating at all (Jimin was no where near fat, he was truly the total opposite in fact) -- so he could actually enjoy a meal without wanting to throw it up; physically though... his stomach disagreed.

It rolled uncomfortably as Jungkook took the bowls and placed them in the sink. Jimin tried to ignore it because he was use to feeling pain after not eating in forever; this was another reason why he threw up. It didn't make him feel better but the pain eventually went away quicker.

"Um Taehyung texted me something really weird..." Jungkook says suddenly, catching Jimin's attention as he poured them some soda.

Jimin's stomach turned, "W-What did he say?"

Jungkook chuckled a little recalling Taehyung's drunken texts. "Well other than him yelling through text for me to take care of you..." Jimin blushed, catching then averting eyes with Jungkook as he handed him the soda.

Jungkook's tone suddenly went serious as Jimin took a gulp of his soda. "He said something about me beating up a very no fun guy that's cheating on you. I'm assuming... he's talking about Taeyang right?"

Jimin placed the soda down and looked up at Jungkook, his own face was dreary as he squeezed his cup tightly.

"P-Probably..." Jimin spoke softly.

He was very aware of Taeyang cheating on him. All those late nights Taeyang would come home smelling like girl perfume with scratches down his back, how couldn't he know?

Though he knew he never... really _tried_ to do anything about it -- well once he asked Taeyang (a few months after he moved in and the first time Taeyang stayed out overnight -- not the first time he cheated. Jimin had no idea that Taeyang had already been cheating behind his back even at the beginning of their relationship) where he had been all night and that didn't end up very effective or good.

_Jimin sat up at the sound of the door slamming shut. The early morning son was rising and he had been up all night, it was his first winter living with Taeyang and so far he wasn't enjoying it like he'd hope to (he'd hope to have late night movie sessions, with hot coco and cuddles not Taeyang being gone all night)._

_"You still up?" Taeyang scoffed as he pulled off his clothes._

_"Yes... um where were you? I was waiting all night..." Jimin frowned, voice dropping as he looked down._

_"I was handling some business. Why?" Taeyang raised a brow._

_"I was just... wondering," Jimin said, loosing confidence as he remembered noticing his boyfriend snapped easily and got angry at almost anything-- mostly things he did._

_"Why are you questioning me when you could be using that little mouth of yours to do other things?" Taeyang smirked, gripping himself through his boxers._

_Jimin gulped, eyes avoiding where Taeyang was holding. "I was worried..."_

_Taeyang's hands dropped to his sides and he rolled his eyes._

_"Why are you worried about me? I can take care of myself. You don't trust me or something?" Taeyang asked trickly._

_"No I do. I trust you," Jimin nodded trying to force his own self to believe his words._

_"No you don't," Taeyang's tone was playful, but Jimin knew what hid behind it. "You don't trust me."_

_Though Taeyang was seeking enjoyment out of teasing Jimin, Jimin himself was freaking out._

_"No Taeyang I do. I do trust you, I promise... I was just asking--"_

_"If you trust me then why are you questioning where I've been!" Suddenly Taeyang was so serious across the room from Jimin. The fact that he was shirtless and all his tattoos were showing made him even more intimidating._

_Jimin stuttered. "I-I don't know... I'm sorry..."_

_"Yeah you should be sorry and not questioning me! I'm grown I can do whatever the fuck I want!"_

_"I-I know... I'm sorry..." Jimin repeated, chest shaking with anxiety as he pulled the cover up higher on himself._

_"Quit fucking apologizing and use your mouth for something I actually like."_

_Taeyang's stare was so serious that Jimin felt no choice but to push the covers off himself and crawl towards the edge of the bed -- and towards Taeyang's boxers._

_Soon enough Jimin had Taeyang in his mouth, and a single tear falling from his clenched shut eyes as he smelt the perfume of another woman on Taeyang, who was currently gripping his hair painfully as he thrusted hard and relentlessly._

_"Fuck... the only good thing you can do is get me off," Taeyang strokes Jimin's head as he forced himself to swallow, his face covered humiliatingly in Taeyang's fluids; it reminded Jimin of  both the incident with Daesuk (his rapist) and when Jin found him in the bathroom at the orphanage, covered in makeup and other things..._

_"Why the fuck are you crying?" Taeyang pulled his boxers up, rolling his eyes at Jimin who was wiping his eyes._

_"The other bitch didn't suck as good as you so your crybaby ass should be proud! Shit... Ungrateful ass," he mumbled the last as he made his way to his side of the bed._

_Jimin's bottom lip wobbled as he got up, legs shaking as he walked to the bathroom. His throat was sore, head was throbbing, and he... was feeling disgusting once again._

_...amongst other things._  


Jungkook had expected Jimin to be angry with either him or the accusations, like he had been in the past when Jungkook said anything about Taeyang. Surprisingly though he was very calm and seemed almost knowing of Taehyung's words.

"Oh... did you already know?" Jungkook asked, his own hand holding and gripping his cup anxiously even if he knew he wouldn't be surprised to know if Taeyang was in fact cheating.

Jimin couldn't answer, he didn't want to admit he knew his own boyfriend was cheating on him. How sad would that sound and look? It would make him seem desperate because he still stayed _knowing_ Taeyang was fucking girls behind his back.

_But you are... you are desperate._

_You're sick. You literally look like a stick, a sick fucking stick._

_You're pathetic. Eating when you know you don't need it! When you know you're too fucking fat!_

_Nobody cares and nobody wants you. Not even your parents wanted you or cared about you._

_Remember how your dad died? And your mom went crazy? You caused that!_

_It was all because of you!_

_And your friends? You annoy them with your secrets and lies, they don't know who you are anymore. And Jungkook he's just being nice and pitying you! In reality he's disgusted by the person you've became, a miserable, sick and abused, pathetic waste of space. He doesn't know you anymore either!_

_Oh and your boyfriend?! Haha! He definitely doesn't want, care about you, or love you if he just cheats behind your back everyday! Isn't it obvious enough just from that, that he doesn't want you. He only keeps you because your convenient to his needs. You stay at home, cleaning and cooking for him, then you watch him waltz in at damn there 4 o'clock in the morning, after he's done all the drugs in the book or fucked however many girls he wanted to -- KNOWING you were at home doing said things for him!_

_And then he shouts at you, hits you, and RAPES you -- it's rape because you know damn well you don't want or enjoy the things he does to you, so stop pretending you do and everything he does is okay, it's not. It's rape and he hates you._

_In fact, with the way he beats you... he probably just wishes you were dead._

_Nobody cares about you so why don't you just die?_

_Forget about seeing the beauty of the world, the beauty that everyone else sees. You won't ever see that anyways -- well as long as you're with Taeyang you won't._

_He'll probably kill you before then anyways._

_Haha. It's just funny to think you thought someone ever actually loved you._

_Hilarious, you don't deserve anything -- not even love._

"Jimin hyung? Are... you okay?" Jungkook questions when Jimin spaces out, his face is suddenly lifeless as he pushes up from his chair and makes a run towards the bathroom, dropping his cup of soda while he's at it.

Jungkook runs after him, not knowing what is going on until he hears the sound of Jimin throwing up in the bathroom.

Most people would probably avoid someone throwing up but this was Jimin, _Jungkook's_ Jimin who was in _his_ bathroom throwing up.

He was probably so embarrassed and Jungkook couldn't help but want to comfort him (like always) and let him know it was okay; luckily Jimin didn't lock the door.

"N-No! J-Jungkookie please leave! I-I don't want y-you to see me like this! I'm so disgusting! Please leave! _Please Please please!"_ Jimin cries, not baring himself to turn around and face Jungkook who decided not to listen to him and just come behind him anyways.

Jungkook crouches behind Jimin and rubs his back. Not caring about the thrown up ramen on the seat or in the toilet as he then uses his other hand to softly move Jimin's grown out hair out of his face, showing off Jimin's cried out eyes which were filled with sadness and confusion, so much confusion as he stared wide eyed back at Jungkook and questioned himself why?

_Why was Jungkook being so nice if he doesn't care? Why doesn't he hate me!? Why doesn't he want to leave me?! Why?! Why?! Why?!_

"It's okay hyung. I'm not going anywhere and you're not disgusting, everyone has thrown up before. Just... just let it out."

Another wave of throw up piled up in Jimin's throat and after hearing Jungkook's words he just let it all go, body trembling and throat burning from the feeling.

Of course he was embarrassed but Jungkook didn't seem to mind, in fact he was right there behind him rubbing his back and stroking his scalp, comforting him like old times.

Like nothing ever changed...

_Like he still knew Jimin._

"All done?" Jungkook asked, no hint of disgust in his voice or on his face when Jimin finally stopped and got the courage to look up at him.

His eyes and neck were red and he looked so embarrassed, Jungkook didn't understand why. To him, Jimin had no reason to be embarrassed. Jungkook would never judge him about something like this.

Jimin nodded, biting his lip shamefully as he reached for the flush.

"Come on let's get you up..." Jungkook stood up first and then placed his hands on Jimin's bony waist, about to help him up too until the later disagreed.

Hysterically Jimin spoke, "Wait! I-I need to clean this a-and--"

"Ah no it's okay I'll do it hyung. Just calm down okay?"

Jimin stared up at him with tired round eyes. "...okay."

Jungkook nodded. "Okay?"

Jimin returned the nod and stood up on shaky legs, arms crossed as he held his elbows.

"D-Do you have an extra toothbrush?"

Jungkook looked back at his mirrored cabinets and opened them, pulling out mouth wash.

"No I have mouth wash though."

"Yeah that's o-okay... thank you."

As Jimin cleaned his mouth, Jungkook sprayed and cleaned the toilet; his calm humming made Jimin feel less bad about the fact Jungkook did _offer_ to clean up _his_ throw up.

"I'll g-go clean up the soda I wasted..." Jimin couldn't help it. He felt bad for causing all these problems and he just wanted to help but Jungkook wasn't having it as he placed his clean hand on Jimin's shoulder before Jimin could leave.

"Hyung. It's _okay._ I'll do it. Please I just want you to go lay down okay? Take my bed."

Jimin blinked, his voice cracking as he attempted to speak. "If I-I take your bed then... where will you sleep?"

Jungkook shrugged. "I'll take the couch--"

"N-No Jungkookie it's your bed! I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping i-in a bed while you slept on a couch. So I'll take the couch."

"Hyung. I'm not letting you sleep on the couch, please just take my bed. I'll sleep with you on it if it makes you feel better?" Jungkook offered composed and showing no signs of uncomfortableness, maybe just a little awkwardness but that was expected seeing as he never shared his bed a day in his life.

Though when they were younger (Jimin and Jungkook) they often talked about having sleepovers, even if they knew none of their parents would allow it -- well technically Jungkook's family wouldn't allow it because they didn't like Jimin or want Jungkook having any fun since sports were his priority at the time; Jimin's family was just dysfunctional and he didn't want Jungkook seeing how they were (luckily Jungkook's parents wouldn't have allowed him anyways). The two also hoped when they were younger that one day in the future they would move to Seoul with each other and live together and do all the fun things they never could at the sleepovers they talked about.

Yet now they were in the future and this was nothing they ever talked or dreamed about. It was nothing they'd ever imagine or expected to be going through, especially Jimin. He never thought he and Jungkook would be separated, he never thought one day that he'd be living in an abusive relationship with an obvious eat disorder, and he never thought he'd ever see Jungkook again but here Jungkook was offering his own bed to him and being the hidden sweet boy he trusts and once fell in love with when he was 14 and the other was 12.

The same hidden sweet boy he still trusts and is deep down still in love with.

Jimin's throat tightened, he never ever did stop loving Jungkook did he?

"Hey what's... what's wrong?" Jungkook watched as Jimin's eyes filled with sudden tears and he quickly washed and dried his hands before pulling the smaller in his arms.

It was the third time in one night that Jungkook has held Jimin comfortingly -- it was more than Taeyang had ever held Jimin actually (sadly) -- and Jimin was grateful to have someone as caring as Jungkook in his life.

Someone who sticked with him throughout everything.

Someone who loved him without words, without having to say the words 'I love you.'

"I'm s-sorry... I've been such a cry baby all night, y-you're probably so annoyed."

Jungkook smiles softly, one of his hands holding the back of Jimin's head under his chin and the other rubbing Jimin's back soothingly.

"No you haven't and I'm not annoyed. Like I said before when we were kids, _it's okay to cry. Everyone cries..."_

Jimin holds onto Jungkook's waist tighter, then wills his overly emotional self to look up.

"You remember that?" He questions, voice barely there but heard as he sniffles.

Jungkook is still smiling kindly as he responds. "Of course. I remember everything that involves you."

Jimin tries to smile back as he responds the words he once said years ago. "Then why don't you ever cry?"

Jungkook makes a face. "I would say it's because I'm too manly to cry and that I don't have any reason to cry but in all honesty seeing you cry really makes me want to cry too."

"R-Really..? But why?"

"Because... I don't love easily but when I do, I don't like to see people that I love crying..."

On instinct Jimin's eyes welled up again and he looked down, head falling against Jungkook's broad chest.

Jungkook easily lifts Jimin's face up by his chin. "I don't like to see the people that I love hurting... "

Jimin clenched his eyes shut as Jungkook continued. "And I especially don't like to see the people that I love scared to tell me things because I just want to help you and I need you to trust me because I miss you, I wanna be there for you again and... I love you."

Jimin breath hitched as he opened his eyes, a tear falling as he stared at Jungkook's own tired and waiting eyes.

"I love you too Jungkook... I've never stopped loving you and I'm s-sorry I've never tried earlier to reach out and find you. I just always thought you would care less about me or that you've forgotten about me and was living your successful life with your cool friends and perfect girlfriend..." Jimin rambled honestly.

"I could never forget about you. I couldn't even make friends after you let alone have a perfect girlfriend..." while Jimin was blushing and feeling embarrassed, what Jungkook said was true, he couldn't replace Jimin after he left. He didn't _want_ to -- of course he didn't have the time either but the main reason was he wasn't interested in anyone else, not even as a friend, unless they were Jimin.

"Oh... I'm-I'm sorry."

"I should be the sorry one, I never tried to find you sooner either. But believe me deep down I wanted to but I never admitted it because I was too brainwashed by my parents wanting me to take my fighting seriously," Jungkook replied with a frown, remembering how after Jimin left his parents would tell him that Jimin never cared about him and that he should stop caring about people who don't give a fuck about him, and instead focus on his skills; Jungkook knew Jimin cared about him and fought with his parents for a long time after Jimin left because of that.

"They're still like that?" Jimin asked curiously, remembering the way Jungkook's parents talked badly about him and his parents when he was right behind them; it always made him sad, thinking that Jungkook's parents hated him.

"Yeah they're never going to change..." Jungkook noticed Jimin's face unconsciously fell.

"But don't worry about them. They can't try to separate us anymore and they can't try and make me think of you as lower than me because you're not. You're my best friend, were equal and I promise we'll never be apart ever again."

Jimin doesn't know how to respond to Jungkook's words, they're so unexpected -- actually everything Jungkook has said and done for him since they decided to be friends again has been unexpected and Jimin doesn't understand why because Jungkook has always been like this for him; he's always been so sweet and caring only for him and still to this day Jimin doesn't knows how to react or what to do in return.

Yet that's the thing... Jungkook never wants anything in return -- nothing but for Jimin to love and trust him.

"Nothing will come between us, no one okay? Not even him," Jungkook continues, seriously and hoping Jimin won't become angry because he brought up Taeyang.

Surprisingly instead of becoming angry Jimin just looks suddenly anxious and avoids eye contact with Jungkook as he speaks.

"Taeyang won't allow it..." he admits softly and honestly (voice even more quiet then it usually is) because this is what Jungkook wants -- honesty, and Jimin would give him that the best he could because he himself might now be here later to do so and right now he trusts Jungkook -- he's always trusted Jungkook and like Jungkook said, he was _scared._

But he's not scared anymore, Taeyang wasn't here and Taeyang couldn't do anything to him -- as if right now that is.

"In fact... if Taeyang knew I was here with you right now--" _in your arms._ "--he'd probably go crazy..." _he'd probably beat me._

"I don't understand why though?" Jungkook frowns again. "We're just... friends." For some reason the words 'just friends' doesn't feel belonging on Jungkook's tongue.

"Do..." Jimin gulps, looking down at the way they were holding each other. "Do friends hold each other like this?"

Jungkook's hand was still rested along Jimin's jaw, slightly against his cheek while the other held the small of his back, holding his body flush against his own.

"I... I don't know. I've only had one friend and that was you. I've always held you like this." Jungkook answers, voice equally low and careful as he watches Jimin's face even more carefully.

Jimin suddenly seems so full of emotion, his eyes holding unsureness the most as he responds. "I know... I've missed the way you held me... especially... especially after..."

He doesn't finish his sentence and instead his eyes water once again as his voice cracks.

"After what Jimin?" Jungkook questions, he needed to know what was going on with Jimin who finally -- _finally --_ got the courage to tell him.

"After... h-he beats me. It reminds me of when I use to get bullied... it's like... it's like it's happening all over again," Jimin's voice is so small he's not even sure if Jungkook heard him clearly.

But by the way the taller stills, it's obvious.

Jungkook isn't shocked at Jimin admitting that Taeyang beats him, he's more disappointed. Disappointed that the universe is picking on someone that was like an angel to him, disappointed that anyone could lay a finger on said angel.

"What does..." Jungkook swallows the anger in his voice; he really wants to have a talk with Taeyang. "What does he hit you for? What could you possibly do to make him want to put a hand on you?"

Jimin noticeably stumbles on his response. "W-Well anything... i-if I do anything he doesn't like..."

"For example?" Jungkook encourages and Jimin sighs, hands shaking as they held onto Jungkook's shirt.

"If I talk back... i-if I don't clean.. if I don't shower and shave my whole body every night--"

Jungkook's eye twitches as he scoffs. "Seriously?"

Jimin nods sheepishly. "H-He doesn't like the feel of hair anywhere when we..."

Jungkook doesn't need Jimin to finish his sentence to know what he's talking about and for some reason the thought of Jimin letting Taeyang touch him in any way sexually (or any way at all honesty) makes him extremely angry, because he doesn't deserve to touch Jimin with the hands he beats him with -- _he doesn't deserve Jimin at all_.

Grumpily he asks curiously, "Mm... so you two do that every night?"

"Whenever Taeyang wants to..." Jimin replies, cheeks red and full of embarrassment -- shame.

"What about you? Shouldn't you want to too?" Jungkook finds himself asking and he doesn't know whys he's so curious but he is -- maybe it's the protectiveness he has for Jimin showing off.

"Yeah... I-I guess I should. I don't though..."

Jungkook stares bewildered. "So you just let him fuck you even if you don't want to?"

Jimin swallows then averts his eyes, he knows Jungkook isn't blaming him or anything but something in the back of his head makes him feel like that.

"He doesn't really give me an option to disagree..."

Jungkook doesn't respond as he tries to hold down his anger; he really feels like kicking the already broke punching bag -- or Taeyang -- a few times.

"Tell me what else he hits you for." He knows it's just going to make him even more angry but he needs to know everything so it'll give him a visual to think of when he's, in fact, kicking Taeyang's sorry ass.

Jimin eyes the way Jungkook seems like he's about to tick in any given moment; nevertheless he continues.

"Um... if I accidentally wake him up... if I-I come home late... if I break something... if I get something from anyone else... if I'm being too loud--"

"You being loud?" Jungkook questioned with a scoff, feeling surprised because Jimin was so quiet even with him, the person Jimin actually let see his outgoing side.

Jimin forced a smile. "Well if I make any noise at all really..."

Jungkook's face fell as he took in how Jimin seemed so use to everything he's describing himself going through. He can't help but wonder why the older let himself stay in something like this for so long? Why he let Taeyang abuse him and use him for _so long._

It wasn't fair -- it was fair that Jimin was still getting shit after shit happening to him, when he didn't deserve any of it. He was the most beautiful and the most hurt person Jungkook had ever met in his life and before Jungkook couldn't stop some of the things that happened to Jimin, but now he could -- he _would_ \-- and he'd make sure no one ever made his life miserable ever again.

"None of the things you're telling me gives him a valid reason to touch and quite frankly I really want to kick his ass. Actually I think I'm going to--" Jimin holds Jungkook as tightly as he can when the taller makes a move towards the door.

"Jungkook ah, no i-it's okay! It's okay!"

Jungkook stared at Jimin shocked. "No it's not okay hyung! He put his hands on you! Nothing about that is okay!"

"Please Jungkookie... I don't want to start any problems. I don't want him to hurt you--"

"Hurt me?" Jungkook's laugh was filled with sarcasm and it made Jimin's pulse race.

"Jimin hyung, not to sound arrogant or anything but I do have a black belt in Taekwondo--"

"I-I know Jungkookie but still! Please don't fight him! _Please_?" Jimin was crying again as he hugged Jungkook, trying to keep the younger from taking off and fighting Taeyang.

Jungkook wasn't having that though, he was so furious and getting kind of agitated that Jimin was still low key trying to cover for Taeyang.

"Why not!? I've seen fucking evidence and I know what he's done to you and it's not okay Jimin!"

"But if you know w-what he's done to me then you should understand why I don't won't you to fight him! I-I... I _hate_ violence so much Jungkook ah and you know that..."

Jungkook seems to calm instantly at Jimin's words.

He sighs. "...I do. I know... and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you I'm just... ugh seeing you like this makes me really angry and I hate him especially because he doesn't deserve you, he doesn't deserve to be out there having fun knowing he's hurt you when you've done nothing wrong. Nothing wrong at all..."

"D-Do you really think that?" Jimin can't help but to ask because everything in his life that he has done so far always ended up wrong (Especially to Taeyang) or seemed wrong -- everything and anything that didn't involve Jungkook that is, because with Jungkook for some strange reason he always felt like there was no right or wrong when it came to the bunny toothed smiled boy.

Jungkook nods once, his dark hair falling into his eyes as he stares deeply into Jimin's own. "Of course... it's you we're talking about. To me you're perfect. You've always been."

Jimin blinks slowly, forcing himself not to cry for the hundredth time tonight.

"I'm not perfect Jungkookie... I'm far from it actually."

Jimin believed If Jungkook saw the way he thought he'd agree instantly.

"Everyone thinks that of themselves, but I'm telling you hyung, you're perfect to me okay?"

Jimin once again doesn't know how to reply.

Jungkook's face is calm and unreadable as he watches Jimin who stares back up at him, tired oval brown eyes confused and curious.

"Why do you do that?" Jungkook suddenly asks, tone boyish and unserious like before.

"What?" Jimin questions unknowingly, voice suddenly shy.

"Why don't you ever accept anything good I tell you about yourself?"

Jimin takes in Jungkook's words and he suddenly feels small and vulnerable.

"Because... I don't see what you see," Jimin answers simply, his small hands on Jungkook's back come to play with the hem of Jungkook's shirt.

"Well what do you see?" Jungkook asks and Jimin is slightly taken back as he looks for an answer.

"I-I it's hard to explain but nothing... good?"

Jungkook hums. "Well you know what I see? I see a beautiful human being who's been through many ups and downs yet he's still here in front of me standing strong -- even stronger now since he's gotten the courage to tell me extremely personal things that I know -- well I learned --  is hard for him to admit and say but now that he has told me I promise I won't let him go through any more of this alone and me and his friends -- his friends that I have to admit are pretty damn special -- will try our best to show you how much of a beautiful and loving human being you are as long as you let us... as long as you let me, because hyung we have a lot to catch up on and I don't want to experience a day without you ever again."

Jimin is crying again as he attempts to wipe his face and nod. "Me neither..."

Jungkook just smiles. "So that means you'll let me?"

Jimin's response takes a few anxious seconds but he finally mumbles a quiet "...Yes."

Jungkook feels so proud that Jimin is allowing him to help him, he's so overcoming with emotions that he pulls Jimin up and into his arms easily, whispering 'I'll show you' over and over as he wraps his arms around Jimin's back and hugs him -- something that he's always deep down loved doing especially if it was with Jimin, who loved the feeling of being in Jungkook's arms always.

Because, being in Jungkook's arms for some reason always felt like home. A loving, warm home -- something he didn't get to experience for as long as he should have but that's okay, things happen and at least he still has Jungkook -- who always smells so good and gives him butterflies.

This time he's sure it's not anxiety either.

"Are you tired?" Jungkook suddenly whispers next to Jimin's ear after a minute of comfortable silence and Jimin nods.

"Okay hold on," Jungkook's hands leave Jimin's back in opt for his soft thighs (that were uncovered by Jungkook's shirt which had risen up when Jungkook picked him up), lifting Jimin up by them so that Jimin could wrap his legs around his back.

Jimin blushes at the feel of Jungkook's soft and slightly calloused hands gripping the back of his thighs softly; the feeling in his stomach grows wilder and suddenly hot at the feeling of being pressed this close against Jungkook.

He feels even more embarrassed because he knows this feeling, it's rare and something he never gets when he's with Taeyang.

_It's arousal._

He's feeling that and he doesn't know why or understand what to do because he's never felt like this so suddenly before and also because Jungkook was holding him and this wasn't the time.

Luckily Jungkook doesn't seem to notice the way Jimin's legs tighten around his abdominal or the way Jimin's arms tighten around his neck (to hide his face) as he moves around the house, holding Jimin securely as he turns off the light switches in the house (noting himself to clean up the spilled soda later) then makes his way, finally, to his bedroom which is lit barely by the window.

Jungkook doesn't turn the light on as makes out his queen size bed and gently places Jimin, who reluctantly lets go, down onto it.

"I'm going to go shower real quick... I'll be back okay?" Jungkook runs his hand across Jimin's fringe and down his cheek, caressing it softly. "Try to go to sleep."

"Okay..." Jimin whispers, watching as Jungkook grabs clothes before he leaves out the bedroom door and into the hall.

A thought in Jimin's mind is telling him that Jungkook just left him in here so he can go find Taeyang but the sound of the shower starting kicks that thought out of Jimin's mind and relaxes him enough to get comfortable on Jungkook's pillows and under his covers.

Jungkook in the bathroom relaxes as the hot water hits his skin. His thoughts and emotions are all over the place and he doesn't know what to do about them. He's feeling sad, strangely affectionate, obviously confused, and of course angry but he can't let that control him and make him do something Jimin wouldn't want him to do. He has to respect Jimin and what Jimin wants. That's the least he can do after knowing what Jimin's been through.

Jungkook sighs, not understanding how Jimin kept getting stuck in these situations. It just didn't make sense at all like first what happened at his own home, then the orphanage, and even now when he's a full grown adult -- he was still getting treated like shit...

It just didn't make sense.

But... that was okay because Jungkook was here for Jimin once again and he would make sure Jimin didn't go back to Taeyang. He'd have to convince him not to but how? Jimin knew Taeyang wasn't good for him but yet he still chose to stay, for reasons Jungkook wasn't exactly sure of.

_Maybe Jimin loves him?_

Jungkook's jaw clenches at the thought.

_How can he love someone like that? Someone who uses him for his own selfish, pathetic needs._

Maybe Jimin did love him and that was the reason why Jimin was so scared to tell Jungkook anything, maybe that was the reason why Jimin kept protecting Taeyang?

"It can't be..." Jungkook clenches the rag he was holding tightly as he stared hard at the wall.

Jungkook would just have to ask Jimin and see for himself.

*

Ten minutes pass and by now the smell of Jungkook's covers should have put Jimin to sleep with how calming and addicting the (Jimin can tell now since he admits he breathed in the pillow a few times) cinnamon and mist scent was, but it didn't. Jimin was so nervous for some reason and the feeling of slight uncomfortableness between his legs still hadn't left so therefore he was still up when Jungkook made it back in the room and closed the door shut.

Jimin doesn't know why but he chose to pretend like he was sleeping by clenching his eyes shut and slowing his breathing.

Maybe it's because Jungkook told him to try to go to sleep and he didn't even attempt to try so he feels (unconsciously) somewhat disobedient.

Jungkook, who's dressed in a simple white t shirt and sweats, makes his way onto the bed and under the covers, laying himself down right besides Jimin, who's back is turned towards him and his eyes closed, he whispers softly.

"Hyung?"

Jimin stops pretending to be sleeping as he turns around onto his side and towards Jungkook, who's right there next to him.

They're so close, Jimin barely has to whisper.

"Yeah?"

Jungkook is laying on his back, his head turned in Jimin's direction and his dark hair sprawled out messily against his forehead. He smells and looks so good it takes Jimin's breath away; the butterflies coming back in full force.

"I was thinking in the shower... and since you're still up can I ask you something?"

Jimin nods.

"Do you love him?"

The question is so simple yet so unexpected, and Jimin is once again taken aback as he stares into Jungkook's half lidded eyes.

"I... I d-don't know..." Jimin's voice wavers as he admits the truth -- which is he doesn't know at all how he feels about Taeyang.

Once he had thought that he had a crush, a crush that would then develop into a lover. Yes he once thought that just because they were together -- or so Jimin thought they were together... but in all honesty they weren't together mentally or romantic and it didn't -- the crush, Taeyang,  didn't develop into a lover, Taeyang became someone that Jimin feared and hated to be around -- someone Jimin _hated_ but never willed himself to admit.

But now he had Jungkook, someone who gave him the courage, to admit it.

"I... honestly... Jungkookie I hate him. I hate him so much."

Jimin bites down on his bottom lip and looks up at the ceiling to stop himself from crying once again. It doesn't work though and Jungkook notices right away, placing one palm on Jimin's nape and gently pulling the smaller into his chest.

Jimin uses one hand to hold onto the front of Jungkook's shirt and then uses the other to wrap around Jungkook's back as he sobs.

"H-He scares me so much."

Jungkook holds Jimin against him, blinking his own sudden tears away.

"He won't anymore after today I promise."

Jimin looks up at Jungkook in confusion. "W-What do you mean he won't I-I have to go back or he'll find me..."

"You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go Jimin," Jungkook tells him seriously. "He can't control you."

Jimin shakes his head, sitting up on his elbows. "You don't understand Jungkook ah, I have no where else to go. I have no family--"

Jungkook sits up fully, hovering over Jimin slightly as he responds.  "You have friends Jimin hyung! You have _me_. You can stay with me."

"R-Really?" Jimin asks, unbelievingly and voice shaky.

"Of course, is that even a question?"

Jimin looks down, the fact that Jungkook was close to him not even bothering him anymore, he was too anxious.

"No... B-But Taeyang said that if I ever left and he finds me... he'll k-kill me."

Taeyang always found a way to remind Jimin of that and everyday single time Jimin is so scared that he doesn't even _think_ about leaving. Because he truly believes Taeyang is being serious -- he truly believes that if he left and Taeyang did happen to find him, his death would be very painful.

He didn't want to die in pain.

Jungkook scoffs. "Over my dead body, meaning he'd have to get through me first -- which he won't. He won't touch me or you. I won't let him okay? I won't let him touch you ever again Jimin hyung."

Jimin sniffs as warm tears run down his cheeks. "I... I just don't know what I did to make him hate me so much--"

"You didn't do anything hyung! Stop blaming yourself when nothing is your fault."

"It's hard not to f-feel like that when everything in my-my life keeps going w-wrong..."

Jungkook stares at Jimin, face unreadable in the low window light.

"Have we went wrong yet?"

Jimin wipes his face as he averts his gaze from Jungkook's strong one.

"Well a few times..." he answers quietly.

"No I mean like really wrong..."

Jimin doesn't answer because he doesn't understand what Jungkook is getting at.

"No we haven't," Jungkook says for him. "Things happen between us but we always come back to each other, we always find a way. Don't we?"

Jimin finally looks up at Jungkook through his black fringe and the feeling of them being this close to each other hits him full on.

He blushes as he responds.

"Yeah we do."

Jungkook smiles slightly, and as he takes in Jimin's shy stance he finds himself feeling even more fond of the smaller -- even more in love.

"I just want to protect you... I've always wanted that. Ever since we were kids and the soccer boys use to tease you," Jungkook's voice goes from serious to playful and Jimin can't help but to giggle at the memory.

"Yeah they were so mean... you too at first but then you surprised me by sticking up for me. After that you just became like... my hero," Jimin admits, cheeks tinted red in the moonlight as he smiles.

It feels nice compared to all the crying he's done earlier; Jungkook seems to agree because just seeing Jimin smile was nice enough for him.

In fact it was more than nice, the feeling of warmth and love was prominently strong in his chest as he replied back to the only person who was capable of making him feel this way.

"I want to always be your hero..." One of Jungkook's hands pushes Jimin's hair off his forehead and holds the back of Jimin's hair softly as he speaks in a low voice. "As long as you let me."

Jimin looks up at Jungkook, eyes as wide as they can be tired and full of curiosity because Jungkook is being _so_ affectionate -- something he's not at all, but all of a sudden he is.

It confuses Jimin but he isn't opposed to it, in fact he loves it. He loves the feeling of skin contact -- when it doesn't involve any beating -- and affection because it's something he isn't use to -- something he hasn't had at all from Taeyang, the person who was supposed to love him.

Yet he didn't and Jimin knew -- knows -- that Taeyang didn't love him.

He knows it and that's why when Jungkook unreluctantly leans down and kisses him, he allows it.

He allows Jungkook to kiss him on the lips twice before his own lips finally respond and when they do he's internally shocked because _Jungkook kissed him -- he's kissing Jungkook -- They're kissing_ and... though it should feel wrong because he's technically cheating, it doesn't. It feels so so right.

Whenever he was with Jungkook, it always felt right... so right.

Actually anything he did _with_ Jungkook felt right.

Especially this.

The butterflies in Jimin's belly were back and in full force as their lips moved against each other.

The kiss was soft, slow, and full of obvious care and love; Jimin had never felt like this before -- he had never had a kiss like this before.

He was used to dirty rough kisses -- the total opposite of how Jungkook was kissing him.

Jungkook was kissing Jimin so soft and carefully, almost as if he would break the smaller if he didn't.

Almost as if Jimin would disappear once again, and leave him angry and sad... once again.

Luckily Jimin hasn't disappeared yet and instead was here in Jungkook's arms, his elbows giving out as he falls against the soft pillows.

Jungkook follows him down swiftly, framing his own body over Jimin's smaller one as he keeps their lips moving until they finally need to breath.

Their lips separate, and they both breath in and out deeply. They take the moment to look at each other; Jimin taking in Jungkook's dilated and full of lust dark eyes which make his heart race and Jungkook taking in Jimin's parted plump lips and nervous eyes.

No words are spoken as Jimin hesitantly kisses Jungkook again.

He's in love with the feeling, of the kiss, of Jungkook pressed against him -- of Jungkook.

He doesn't want any of it to stop and Jungkook doesn't want any of it to stop either, especially the way Jimin is kissing him.

Therefore he returns the shy kiss knowing that he's not making a mistake and Jimin does in fact want him back.

Jimin _wants_ to love him too.

So that's what they do, they love -- they _make_ love -- something Jimin can honestly say he's never experienced before tonight.

He's never had someone touch him as carefully as Jungkook, who's hands that were caressing his cheeks doesn't even attempt to move any lower -- that is until Jimin's own hands, that were gripping the front of Jungkook's shirt, grabs onto Jungkook's hands and intertwines them with his own. Placing them on his heart so Jungkook could hear how fast his heart was beating.

They pull apart for a second time, just as Jungkook is bringing their interwoven hands to his own chest, which is beating just as fast as Jimin's.

They're obviously nervous but they don't let that stop them as lips connect once again; it feels natural -- the way they connect and open up for each other.

Jimin especially. His body becomes so pliant with Jungkook -- and unlike with Taeyang where it's stiff and uncomfortable -- as the taller softly runs his tongue across his bottom lip, managing to make him open up instantly.

And after that it's like a light switch flicks on because everything is happening so suddenly -- the feel of arousal obvious in both of their stomachs and in between their legs.

Jimin has never felt anything like it before and it's a feel he can get use to he thinks. Because, not even when Taeyang kisses him (with tongue or without) does he get this aroused, therefore he knows it must be Jungkook who was making him feel this way.

Jungkook who had him letting out soft airy moans just from the feeling of their lips against each other. Jungkook who had Jimin opening his legs wider and unconsciously for more contact, more feel -- he wanted to _feel_ Jungkook and Jungkook let him as their hips stuttered against each other; the feeling of their arousal pressed against each other.

They both moan and Jungkook pulls away from the kiss to watch Jimin's face.

His hair laid against his forehead, still showing off his hazy and half lidded eyes, while a blush filled his cheeks right above his kisses out lips. The same lips that were making such beautiful sounds -- sounds that we're filled with pleasure, unlike the night Jungkook heard him crying out in obvious discomfort with his boyfriend.

Jimin was making these noises all because of him. And he was so beautiful as he made them, Jungkook had never wanted a person more than he wanted Jimin.

In fact he had never been with any person other than Jimin and that was right now.

He felt a little pressure because of course he was inexperienced but he knew what he wanted, and that was Jimin.

Jimin who was staring back at him, waiting for him to do something -- wanting for him to do something -- _anything._

Jungkook begins to move his hips, and Jimin instantly squeezes his hands at the feeling of just their clothed groins knocking into each other.

Jimin pulls one of his hands out of Jungkook's grip to cover his mouth and stop the embarrassing noises from coming out. Jungkook doesn't like this though, he wants to hear Jimin -- hear how much he's pleasing Jimin -- so he gently pulls Jimin's hand away from his mouth and then guides it downwards, pressing Jimin hands against his arousal.

"You've always made me feel this way..." Jungkook whispers when Jimin takes in a shaky breath. "Only you."

Jimin breaths out, "Y-You too. I've never felt like this... n-not even with Taeyang."

The thought of Taeyang finding out what he was doing right now with Jungkook scares Jimin and he hauled for a second, thinking of all the things Taeyang could do to him.

Jungkook notices and one of his hands finds Jimin's cheek again. "It's okay."

Jimin nods, eyes wet from his terrifying thoughts.

Jungkook hates the sight of Jimin looking so vulnerable; his lips find the smaller's easily and Jimin kisses him back hesitantly.

Thought hesitant and soft turns into want and desire -- love.

Jimin's hands on Jungkook's chest move to his hair when the other kisses his cheek then moves down to his jaw and neck.

He's so delicate, Jungkook, who's kissing softly before Jimin gives him the courage to kiss and suck harder by encouragingly rocking his own hips up and wrapping his legs around Jungkook.

Jungkook takes the sign and does just that -- knowing that even Taeyang couldn't even get Jimin to feel like this gives him even more courage as he runs his hands down from Jimin's cheeks to his hips.

With his hands, he moves Jimin's lower body in rhythm with his own that was still thrusting down at a slow -- and agonizing -- pace, that had Jimin's stomach tightening and feet clenching.

Jungkook's hands on Jimin's hips slide up under the older's shirt, hesitantly. He stops kissing Jimin's neck to see Jimin's reaction and Jimin is surprisingly already watching him; feeling self conscious as Jungkook is about to lift his shirt.

Jungkook notices this look too and he stops immediately. "I won't if you don't want me to..."

Jimin blinks up at the ceiling to stop his tearing eyes. "I-Its not that I just... I'm so disgusting..."

One of Jungkook's hands finds Jimin's chin and softly pulls his face down. Jimin wipes his eyes as Jungkook speaks.

"You're not disgusting--"

"I'm not what you want either..." Jimin cuts him off and Jungkook frowns, his eyebrows furrowing.

"You're exactly what I want. If I didn't want you I wouldn't be doing this with you right now. You're beautiful Jimin..."

Jimin is crying again as he tries to hide it by pressing his head against Jungkook's chest, Jungkook though, just lifts his head and kisses him once again -- the tears not bothering him at all, as he simply just wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs.

"I want you okay Jimin? Do you want me too?" Jungkook asks between the kiss, breath hot and heavy as Jimin nods.

"I want you..."

That's all it takes for their lips to rejoin and when Jungkook is sure Jimin still wants this, he pulls back; Jimin's legs falling open and onto the bed (showing off Jungkook's boxers) as he does.

Jungkook finds the hem of his own shirt and removes it easily.

Jimin watches shyly, this was the first time he had ever seen Jungkook shirtless and his eyes take in Jungkook's slim toned body in the moonlight appreciatively.

After Jungkook's shirt disappears he grabs one of Jimin's hands, that were pressed against each other nervously on his stomach, and guides it to his shirtless frame.

Jimin's face flushes as Jungkook runs his hands up and down his torso; Jungkook's own hands letting go and allowing Jimin to touch him on his own while his hands find the hem of his boxers that Jimin was wearing.

"I won't take your shirt off since I know it makes you uncomfortable but... Is this okay?" Jungkook asks and Jimin nods, biting his bottom lip anxiously as Jungkook finally pulls the boxers down.

Jimin's legs close automatically and from embarrassment because being exposed in this area especially was not something he enjoyed, for obvious reasons of course.

Jungkook doesn't seem to mind Jimin's embarrassment or the reason why Jimin's embarrassed, because he's to busy leaning down and laying kisses onto Jimin's slightly revealed stomach.

Jimin's body haults, his stomach sucking in unconsciously and his breath hitching as Jungkook sucks along his prominent hip bones and vline.

"So beautiful hyung..." is all Jungkook whispers, his hands caressing Jimin's thighs as he then takes Jimin's erect arousal fully into his mouth.

Jimin lets out a high pitched moan at the feeling of him in Jungkook's mouth. He presses his hands over his mouth as he cries out in pleasure, legs wide open and trembling from the feeling.

No one has ever touched or sucked him right there -- not even Taeyang ( _especially_ not Taeyang, he didn't want pleasure for anyone but himself and the thought of touching Jimin's dick freaked him out) -- so he never knew this feeling would feel so good.

His legs shake and his feet clench and unclench as his chest heaves. The tightness in his stomach only tightening when Jungkook's hand reaches for his balls. It's takes one touch and Jimin's coming, back arched and tears running down his face at the feeling.

It was so good -- Jungkook was so good and he swallows everything, coming back up to meet Jimin's lips as he kicks his own sweats and boxers off.

Jimin is still in after shock from his first orgasm as they kiss. His hands shakily find Jungkook's nape as Jungkook slots himself between his legs; rocking his still hard arousal against Jimin's coming back alive one.

Jimin gasps as he gets hard once again from the feel of Jungkook sliding against him -- the feel of Jungkook's hips stuttering down hard then soft against his with such fluidity you'd think he was the dancer.

Jimin doesn't even notice the sound of lube uncapping over his own blood rushing, until Jungkook pulls away.

"I've never done this before..." Jungkook admits and Jimin's eyes widen in surprise.

"But I trust you... so I want too."

Jimin smiles softly. "I want to too..."

His voice is so small it makes Jungkook's chest warm.

"Do you want me to or you?" Jungkook asks, holding the small full bottle in his hand, a shy flush on his cheeks.

Jimin's own cheeks are flushing as well and he's surprised that Jungkook is giving him an option to top or bottom because he's never had an option with Taeyang.

He was always the bottom -- always the one who was uncomfortable while Taeyang got off easily with the feeling off being inside him.

Yet even though he was uncomfortable with Taeyang this was Jungkook and Jungkook had already made him feel so much pleasure -- more than Taeyang ever had.

So therefore Jimin wanted to return that pleasure for Jungkook by letting him top.

"You can do it... I... I wanna feel you," Jimin answers timidly, watching as Jungkook gulps to his response.

For the first time, and as long as Jimin had ever known Jungkook, Jimin notices the younger is nervous.

Not even in all his practices, competitions, and sports tournaments had he ever looked _this_ nervous.

_It's cute._

"Okay," Jungkook whispers, laying down over Jimin so he could rest of his elbows and cover his fingers.

Jimin bash fully watches him, taking the moment to feel Jungkook's length against him and it's really large he notices -- way larger than Taeyang's so he's a bit nervous himself.

Jungkook brings his fingers down and covers his own length with the lube. Jimin keeps his eyes on Jungkook's face, watching as the dark haired boy's eyebrows furrow in pleasure; Jimin's pulse races when he twitches at the sight.

Once Jungkook finishes covering himself and he sits up a bit, his dry hand reaching out and grabbing a pillow. He lifts Jimin's tiny body up slightly and pushes the pillow under him. After Jimin's blushes at Jungkook's extreme care, Jungkook then pushes Jimin's legs apart, settling himself between them once again.

He then leans down to kiss Jimin slowly and lovingly; one of his fingers gently pressing at Jimin's entrance and pushing past the ring of muscle easily.

Jimin gasps, Taeyang never preps him so the feeling of fingers in him is new. He doesn't know how to feel about it because it's not painful but it's not comfortable either -- it's strange.

Jungkook just keeps kissing Jimin, trying to keep the smaller relaxed as he adds his other two fingers (one at a time of course).

By the time Jungkook had three fingers in fully, Jimin is clenching down, his hips jumping from the uncomfortable stretch he should be use to feeling but surprisingly he isn't.

Jungkook begins to move his fingers when he notices Jimin's eagerness. And after a few moments of kissing and exploring Jimin's warm heat, Jungkook hits something soft that has Jimin pulling away from his lips and arching his back -- a cry leaving his lips as he places his head against Jungkook's chest, legs attempting to close around Jungkook's hips.

Jungkook's eyes are wide and he freezes from Jimin's reaction. He's not sure if it's good or if he's hurt the other, he hopes it's the before.

Jimin's lets him know it is indeed pleasure by whispering, "M-More... right there... please." His hands finding Jungkook's shoulders as Jungkook rubs the pads of his fingers against that spot again.

Jimin cries out immediately against Jungkook's chest, his body trembling and stomach tightening when Jungkook keeps moving his fingers.

Jungkook watches Jimin moan out against him with interest, he loves that Jimin is finding pleasure out of this...

Yet he doesn't want him to come again just yet, he wants them to do it together so he pulls his fingers out slowly.

Jimin lets out a breath, his body still shaking from the stimulation as he looks up at Jungkook.

Jungkook is already watching him, eyes full of lust and love as he whispers, "I love you..."

Jimin continues to catch his breath, his shirt and eyes slightly damp from tears and sweat as he returns the whisper -- the feelings.

"I love you too Jungkook ah," he says just as Jungkook holds his waist, entering him slowly.

Jimin gasps silently head falling against Jungkook's shoulder as he bottoms out -- the feel of Jimin's warmth suffocating him with pleasure he's never experienced.

Jungkook lets out his own soft moan as Jimin clenches around him, pulling him in as deep as he could with the way he wrapped his legs and arms around him.

Jungkook lays on his elbows again, head falling against Jimin's neck as begans to rock his hips, sliding in and out of Jimin slowly.

Jimin grips Jungkook's back tightly, the feeling of Jungkook moving in him stealing his breath and going straight to his stomach.

He _loves_ the feeling; the stretch of Jungkook in him, being patient and not thrusting for his own pleasure but for Jimin's as well -- Jimin who was for once feeling the pleasure he never thought he would (especially when it came down to him doing this) as Jungkook finds that spot in him again.

The spot that has Jimin seeing stars and moaning loudly as he grips Jungkook's back tighter; wraps his legs around Jungkook's waist -- tighter.

He _never_ wants to let go.

Not as Jungkook thrusts harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin never sounded so beautiful and so good in both of their ears as they find each other's lips.

Jungkook's caressing him, stroking his hair, his cheeks, his lips -- holding Jimin's bottom one with his thumb as they kiss and this feeling, this feeling Jimin is feeling with Jungkook feels so much more better now than it does with Taeyang, where he's flipped, tugged, and slapped around if he doesn't comply to Taeyang's needs.

The sheets slips down Jungkook's back as he slows, thrusts deep and fulfilling as he feels Jimin twitch between them.

They both don't want this to end but after a while, their both close, especially Jungkook as he pulls away from Jimin's lips and plants a few open mouth kisses on Jimin's face, jaw, neck, and collarbones; one of his hands reaching down and finding Jimin's member.

He strokes in motion with his deep slow thrusts that pick up speed easily, Jimin crying out at how good everything feels.

"S-So good... J-Jungkookie I-I love you."

There's tears streaming down his face and Jungkook kisses him again. "I love you... I love you so much."

Soon enough they're both coming, Jimin first in Jungkook's hand, his grip on Jungkook's back tightening as his body trembles, feet clenching once again as he moans out. Jungkook follows him, hips halting as Jimin clenches down on him and takes all that he can.

_All the love Jungkook gives._

Jungkook kisses a tired, sedated Jimin a few more times before he slowly pulls out.

Jimin's hold on him slips reluctantly and Jungkook notices the way his eyes seem to widen vulnerably as he moves to get up. Jungkook leans down and kisses him one last time before whispering, "I'll be right back..."

"Okay..." Jimin whispers back, not liking the feeling of emptiness. It feels even more big after Jungkook and though he hates it, his heart is filled enough for him to ignore it -- Though it doesn't stop him from being anxious even though he trusts Jungkook will come right back to him.

Jungkook stands, hesitantly leaving Jimin for a few seconds to get a warm rag. When he comes back Jimin has already taken off his shirt and is sitting up, with his arms wrapped around his legs -- hiding his body subconsciously -- shamefully as he watches Jungkook's reaction.

_Is he gonna kick me out? Is he gonna think I'm gross?_

"Here I'll clean you," Jungkook says instead, holding a warm rag in his hand as he takes a seat next to Jimin who is feeling very self conscious now that he had his shirt off.

Jungkook understands that it must take a lot for Jimin to show himself like this to him so he's gentle and his eyes don't leave Jimin's own as he lays Jimin down on his back and kisses him, all the way down his stomach.

"Beautiful..." he whispers when he plants the final kiss on Jimin's sunken belly.

A tear slips from Jimin's eye.  "Thank you... for everything," he whispers when Jungkook finishes cleaning him in between his legs.

Jungkook just smiles and places the towel on his dresser before pulling Jimin into his arms.

They spoon, Jungkook the big spoon and Jimin the small.

It's comfortable -- Jimin's comfortable and for once he doesn't feel scared or nervous about going to sleep. He doesn't feel like he won't wake up if he actually goes to sleep and he doesn't feel trapped.

Jungkook's hold on him isn't painful or  threatening. It isn't filled with anything but love and that's the way Jimin falls asleep, with Jungkook's arm wrapped under his own, holding them close against each other as he presses a kiss on the back of Jimin's neck and whispers one last time.

 _"I'll always_ _protect and_ _love_ _you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, this is 10,420 words so if I misspelled or made a mistake you know why lol. Also I know some of you are probably really surprised haha. I cried writing this I'm not gonna lie xD. OH! I know Jimin cries a lot but he's very emotional so you have to understand that. He's always been like that. And honestly, I actually hadn't meant for them to end up doing that so suddenly but it just felt like the right moment for them to and so that's what happened. I hope you all like how this is turning out because it all leads up for the next chapters -- which are going to take a really big turn so please tell me what do you think will happen next? Thanks for reading so far <3


	12. Chapter 12

_"No dad! Please don't hurt my dad! I know he messed up but he doesn't deserve that! W-What-- what you did to me..."_

_"Yes he does! He's just a whore and you're still pathetic since you're trying to defend him! ...haha defending him when he didn't even care about you! Nobody did!"_

_"Yes he did! He d-did care... you cared at one point too..."_

_"I did until I realized you were pathetic and not worth my caring! You don't deserve anything --_ **_not even love_ ** _!"_

Jimin jumped up out of his sleep, lungs aching for air and eyes wide and terrified in the morning light.

 _It was his mother._ He was dreaming about his mother and she was yelling at him, her cold black eyes that crazily resembled his own held no emotion.

His father was there too... looking absolutely petrified as Daesuk backed him into a corner.

Jimin didn't know why he was suddenly having these nightmares again. Usually -- well these days actually, he only had nightmares of Taeyang beating him, or on good days he dreamt of Jungkook and his friends living happily ever after so therefore he didn't know why he was suddenly dreaming of his parents and Daesuk again.

It was a hard topic for him, thus the reason he didn't like to think or talk about any of them. It also made him feel guilty... kind of like how he was feeling right now as he glanced around Jungkook's morning sun lit room, memories of what they did last night coming back to him hard and heavy as he looked down at Jungkook's sleeping form and hand resting on his covered lap.

 _Whore..._ **_pathetic_ ** _whore._

Jimin's stomach and face dropped as he gently moved Jungkook's hand off of him.

_"I'm really a whore! I cheated! I can't believe I cheated! I'm so disgusting! I'm so-- Taeyang is going to kill me."_

Jimin's thoughts had his face contorted in worry and fear as stood as quietly as he could. The soreness in his bottom was good sore yet his heart was still beating out his chest as he picked up Jungkook's shirt and boxers. He slid them on and quickly went for the door, hesitation stopping him and forcing him to look at Jungkook.

He was still sleeping and he looked so beautiful...

_Too beautiful for someone like you._

_"...You're right. He shouldn't want a pathetic w-whore like me... after last night... after he saw how ugly I was he probably changed his mind anyways..."_

_Exactly! So why are you crying?! He'll be okay. He'll just find a pretty and worth it girlfriend or boyfriend and forget all about_ **_you --_ ** _just like your parents._

Jimin let out a choked and silent sob, covering his mouth quickly as he watched Jungkook's body twitch; his hand unconsciously moving across the empty bed side -- searching for Jimin, who's warmth was still present on the sheets.

Jimin left right once Jungkook realized his body wasn't there, his eyes snapping open as he sat up in confusion -- wondering where Jimin was -- praying Jimin didn't leave and was actually in the bathroom or kitchen.

Yet the sound of the front door closing shut killed his prayers and his heart felt like it was being ripped out of his chest -- just like how it felt when he found Jimin's seemingly lifeless body on the ground years ago.

_Just like it._

In fact Jungkook didn't think anything-- not even his parents words, the intensive training he did, or the pain he felt when he got hit in fighting -- would _hurt_ more than that feeling but to know Jimin just left him willingly, after what they did, after Jungkook told him he _loves him_ and he told him he'd protect him... somehow that just hurt more.

It hurt that Jimin left him... _again --_ but this time by choice, _knowing-- knowing_ what it did to Jungkook the first time. The pain, the confusion, _the anger_ he left Jungkook with was all back, almost like it never left.

 _Yet._ This time Jungkook wouldn't pretend he wasn't feeling some type of way, he wouldn't take it out by doing something to preoccupy his mind -- this time he'd figure out why? He had no one stopping him so why not?

Why not find out why the only person that has ever said they loved him -- the only person who actually showed him what love was -- showed him what love _felt_ like.

Last night was everything to Jungkook -- _Jimin_ was everything to him, that's why Jungkook would see for himself why he kept going back to that piece of shit of a human.

He'd see why that piece of shit of a human had such a huge impact on Jimin, his first and only love.

_*_

_*_

Jimin sighed as he closed the door shut, his heart and brain racing as sped walked away from it, only looking back at it to see if Jungkook heard him.

He wasn't.

_He probably heard you leave, he just doesn't care so stop worrying about him and worry about what Taeyang is going to do to you once he sees that you're an idiot and forgot to get your clothes out of Jungkook's dryer!_

Jimin looked down at Jungkook's over sized clothes on him and his racing heart stopped as he looked back at Jungkook's still closed door.

"I-I'm so stupid! Taeyang is going to kill me!" Jimin whisper shouted, scolded himself as he continued to back up backwards.

_He couldn't go back._

Jimin couldn't face Jungkook If he was in fact up and saw that he left.

So instead he just hesitantly continued back to his own apartment, holding his shaking in fear arms as he took the stairs -- hoping that Taeyang decided to stay out all night somewhere.

That hope was crushed though as Jimin quietly opened the unlocked apartment door; his heart beating out his chest as he walked -- still barefoot -- into the apartment.

Shoes -- hills and Taeyang's nikes -- littered the floor, followed by a girl's dress and Taeyang's clothes.

Jimin knows he shouldn't be upset or sad because he cheated too _but_ the fact that Taeyang brought someone -- _fucked_ someone in their _"home"_ really, really hurt.

 _But_ it was just like everything else Taeyang did to him so it really shouldn't be surprising -- it _shouldn't_ hurt. Jimin should be immune to all the hurt he receives, he should be immune to all the love he doesn't get.

 _Maybe..._ maybe that's why he left Jungkook. Maybe he wasn't use to the feeling he got with Jungkook, he didn't understand it -- he didn't understand why Jungkook was loving him -- _him_ who's boyfriend and others told him he didn't deserve it. Who only showed him hate... he didn't understand so maybe that's why he left.

 _He couldn't accept it._ Jungkook deserved better in his eyes and he deserved this, the sound of _his_ boyfriend kissing and fucking another girl in _their_ bed.

Jimin shook his head, holding his hands over his ears as he tried to block out the sounds of his boyfriend and a random girl coming together.

_"Why do I deserve this? What did I do?!"_

It reminded Jimin of his father and he thought was this how his mother felt when she found her husband and his dad cheating.

The thought led him to accidentally backing up into the side table, hand going to hold his chest in fright as he knocked over an ashtray.

The sounds in the bedroom stopped and he looked up towards it, wiping his face free of tears as he listened to a girl -- who sounded oddly familiar -- speak.

"Do you have a roommate? Is someone here?"

Jimin's broken heart skipped a beat as Taeyang didn't reply to her and instead walked out of the door, hard eyes falling on Jimin -- eyeing Jungkook's clothes on him -- as he tightened his shorts.

The girl -- Mina, who was in his ballet class and often challenged or made fun of him followed Taeyang out. She was completely naked, her skinny long frame and stunning curves on display as her eyes landed on Jimin and she quickly covered herself.

"Oh shit Jimin! Sorry! I didn't know you lived here too?" she looked embarrassed as she quickly picked up her clothes.

Taeyang was still glaring at Jimin who gulped, looking away in guilt.

"Don't be sorry... he doesn't deserve a fucking sorry."

Mina looked at Jimin curiously, eyes wide and mouth pursed as she then looked back at Taeyang and nodded, face falling into a sly look.

"You're right... but still? Why not? What did he do?" She asked innocently, pulling up her dress as she did.

_"Yes what did I do?!"_

_You know what you did cheater!_

Taeyang glared at the girl. "Why are you asking me so many fucking questions? You weren't talking this much a while ago..."

She snorted and Jimin felt awkward and misplaced because it seemed like they knew each other or were comfortable with each other -- more than him with Taeyang himself at least.

"Yea that's because I was too busy sucking you off to talk..." she whispered, walking towards Taeyang who was still staring hard at Jimin. She tiptoed and kissed his jaw once then his lips, he returned the kiss and Jimin looked away abruptly; his throat suddenly felt like it was closing in.

"Oh sorry did I make you uncomfortable Jiminie? Never seen a girl and boy kiss?"  Mina suddenly asked and Jimin looked up slowly. She was pulling on her shoes, a smirk set on her lips as she came close to him.

"Are you deaf or something? You never reply when I talk to you! That's so annoying and weird!" She poked his forehead hard and Jimin stumbled back, reaching out to cover his forehead as Taeyang rolled his eyes.

"P-Please stop... just this once," his cracked voice was so quiet, Mina's eyebrows furrowed when she heard it --how hurt he sounded.

"Why? Messing with you is fun--"

"S-Stop... please?"

"Hey what's wrong with you?" she asked, face and lips turnt into a annoyed pout.

"Stop talking to his crybaby ass! How do you even know him?" Taeyang scoffed, his words reminding Jimin of his mother as he crossed his buff arms over his chest.

Mina turned back to Taeyang and rolled her eyes. "He's in my ballet class duh! I told you once about how he ran out of class because he had weird bruises on his neck!"

Jimin frowned to himself.

_"They've been seeing each other since then? How didn't I know!?"_

_How could you be so stupid?_

"I didn't know you two were brothers though!"

_"She didn't know Taeyang was the one who made those bruises on me..."_

"Haha Taeyang your brother is so lame! How could you let him be the only boy in ballet? You know people talk right? Everyone thinks he's a fag."

"Well he is."

Jimin looked up at Taeyang shocked, the hurt clear on his face as Taeyang continued, eyes for once not on Jimin's own. "And he's not my fucking brother."

_"Did she not know about us being together? Of course she didn't... Taeyang never told anyone. He probably never told people he liked boys either obviously..."_

_Maybe he never liked boys to began with idiot! He was just using you! An easy and accessible piece of, whenever he wants, ass._

_That's all you are! You_ **_whore!_ **

Mina's face furrowed in confusion as she looked at Jimin. "Then what are you doing here? In... that?" She was referring to Jungkook's clothes that were obviously too big and not his.

"If he's a fag then why is he here? Does he need something from you?" This question was directed towards Taeyang when she realized Jimin wasn't going to answer since he was too preoccupied with holding himself and staring at the ground; praying the beating he received once Mina left wouldn't be too bad.

He knew it would be though, It always was... maybe this time even worse.

"He's just a whore... a stupid, lousy, can't do shit. _Whore_."

Mina stared back and forth from Taeyang and Jimin confused. Jimin was shaking slightly and he wasn't looking up, just taking in everything Taeyang was saying -- almost like he was used to it she noticed and it oddly made her feel uncomfortable and _bad. She felt bad --_ For _Jimin._ The person she put down for her own personal joy and upbringing every single day they had classes together.

_"You sucked even harder today and your stance was horrible."_

_"You'll never look like a girl or be pretty no matter how much makeup you use."_

_"You looked pained when you danced on your points. You should probably lose weight."_

Mina didn't know what Jimin's relations were to Taeyang -- who she's known for months now and not once did he say anything about Jimin -- but they were worrisome.

Yet she'd never admit that, her pride was too big.

"Why is a whore in your house then Taeyang? Are you a fag too?" She giggled. "Calling him after I fuck you dry?"

Taeyang scoffed again. "Shut the fuck up Mina. Don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

Mina rolled her eyes. "Tell me why he's here then I'll leave."

"He's a client of mine. Now if you don't leave I'll fucking drag you out."

"Yeah whatever..." she mumbled, not thinking anything or Taeyang's words -- not knowing that Taeyang would actually do that to her.

"Haha the girls are going to be so shocked when they find out little golden dance boy Jiminie is secretly a _whore.."_ laughed making her way out the door with a slam that made Jimin, who's heart was still already racing, jump.

_"I'm not a whore... I'm not--"_

_You are! You let your own mother's boyfriend fuck you then you just cheated -- willingly. You. Are. A._ **_Whore!_ **

"Where the fuck have you been?" Taeyang questioned a minute after Mina slammed the door shut.

His eyes were hard on Jimin as he moved towards the kitchen table and lit up a cigarette.

Jimin looked up at him, swallowing as his hands found each other anxiously.

"Um... I... w-was with a friend."

Taeyang took a drag of the cigarette, his eyes not moving off of Jimin's frame as he raised a brow.

"A friend hm?"

"Y-Yes..."

"But didn't I tell you to go home? I'm sure I did?"

Jimin nodded hesitantly, letting out a uneasy breath through his nose. "Y-You... did."

Taeyang nodded once, eyes hard as stone as he stared at Jimin.

"Okay so why _the fuck_ didn't you?"

Jimin breathing paused as the sharpness of Taeyang's voice.

"I-I did but-- but you didn't give me the keys and I forgot to ask--"

"You fucking dumbass! So it's my fault now?" Taeyang asked, putting out his cigarette then making his way towards Jimin.

Jimin shook his head and hands immediately. "N-No! No! It's not! It's not!"

"So who's fault is it then? Because it sounds like you're blaming me for you not asking for the fucking keys!"

Jimin shook his head, no.

"I-It's not your fault, it's mine... I'm sorry."

Taeyang nodded, eyes suddenly filled with mischief as he looked over Jimin.

"So where'd you go?"

Jimin froze. "Huh?"

Taeyang's gaze hardened. "You fucking heard me. When you realized your dumbass didn't have the keys where did you fucking go?"

Jimin gulped, eyes training on the floor as he tried to think of something-- someone, anyone but Jungkook.

"Hello?! I'm waiting! Because obviously you didn't fucking sleep outside again like you probably fucking should have!"

Jimin backed up unconsciously at Taeyang yelling at him.

"I-I went..."

"Was it that kid? The one that came bringing your shit that day? Is that who's clothes you're wearing? Is that who you let mark you up like that?" Jimin's eyes widened and his hands immediately went to his neck.

_"Nononono! Did Jungkook leave a mark?! Why didn't I check before I came back!? I'm so stupid!"_

_You dumb ass! Now he'll know for sure that you were out being a whore!_

"Yup they're there. He did a really good job too..." the way Taeyang was nodding and walking towards Jimin scared him and Jimin found himself backing up in fear as he did.

"It's almost as if he wanted to let me know that he was the one fucking you... the one you were out there giving yourself to huh weren't you? Out there being a whore? Telling me you weren't doing anything when you were... _Lying_ to me and fucking like I knew you were! You stupid slut!"

Jimin shook his head, tears streaming down his face as he backed up into a corner. "N-No I never lied! I-It was just this once! I-I promise I won't do it again! I won't go back to him!" He pleaded though he knew at that moment he probably should've never left to begin with.

"Well don't cry now! It's too late for all that you already let him fuck you."

Jimin looked down ashamed.

"Take his clothes off."

Jimin's head then snapped up, a confused expression on his face as he stared at Taeyang who seemed to be almost in a daze.

_"Whatever he smoked definitely wasn't a cigarette... I can smell the stench on his breath."_

"Huh?" Jimin's hands immediately went to hold his arms, it was a protective stance.

Taeyang's stare didn't waver, he didn't even roll his eyes. "Take. His. Clothes. Off."

Jimin looked down at the big T-shirt and boxers then frowned. "B-But--"

"Now!" Taeyang shouted, punching the wall right by Jimin's head.

Jimin flinched and his hands slowly and hesitantly began moving to undress himself. Taeyang watched him, his glare hard and examining as Jimin took to long for his liking.

"You know what..." Taeyang pushed Jimin's shaky hands away then grabbed Jimin by his shirt and ripped it open. He turned Jimin away and pushed him front wards against the couch again so he could yank his pants down.

Jimin attempted to cover himself but Taeyang turned him around again, backing up slightly so his eyes could trail down Jimin's frail body and take in all the love marks Jungkook left.

"He marked you up real good didn't he?"

Jimin didn't answer as his body, which was covered in love bites all over, shook from the cold air.

"And I bet you liked every single moment of it didn't you? You fucking nasty. ass. ungrateful. bitch!" Taeyang snatched Jimin by his hair, pulling him down and onto the back of the couch so that his whole bottom was exposed.

Jimin cried out and tried to cover himself but Taeyang gripped his arms, holding his wrist tightly and pulling them back hard enough to bruise.

"P-Please stop T-Taeyang! Plea--"

"Shut the fuck up! I bet you weren't telling him to stop when he was fucking you! I bet you liked it didn't you? Like the little whore you are hm?"

Jimin cried even harder because _yes_ he did like it -- he loved it actually but now he just felt ashamed... _now he just felt like a whore._

Taeyang pulled him up from behind by his neck. "Did you like it?!"

Jimin shook his head no, eagerly. "N-No... I didn't-- I-I didn't," he then lied.

Taeyang stared down at him blankly then snapped, pushing him hard back down onto the couch.

"You fucking liar!" He was still gripping the back of Jimin's neck and Jimin was attempting to pull his hands off yet that just made the older hold onto him tighter.

Jimin breathed heavily as Taeyang pushed himself up against his bare backside. "Was he bigger than me? Did you like to feel him in you? Did he fuck better than me? Better than your last?"

Jimin squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head no. Of course he was lying though, Jungkook was better than both of them (way better sexually and just in general) and Jimin knew that... yet he couldn't tell Taeyang that. He knew and feared it would just make things worse -- _which_ it did even though he told Taeyang no, Taeyang's hands found there way down Jimin's backside, pressing his fingers hard against Jimin's sore opening.

"Answer me!" He suddenly shouted, one hand snatching Jimin's face towards him and the other pressing down hard enough on him to hurt.

Jimin cried and attempted to push Taeyang's arms away, yet Taeyang's hand on his face just grabbed his hands and restricted them back.

"W-Why are you doing t-this?! Y-You cheated too--"

Taeyang let go of him only to slap him. "Oh you're gonna try to but the switch on me now?! Like I'm the one who was letting people fuck them in the ass? Tell me did he at least wear a condom? Or did you let him fuck you raw like the little slut you are?"

Jimin cried, covering his face in shame as he didn't answer. Taeyang just grabbed him again though, pulling him against him as if he was going to hug him but instead pushing his fingers into Jimin.

Jimin immediately grabbed his wrists to stop him. "N-No! S-Stop! Please--"

"Oh so you did let him fuck you raw? That's what you do now? You _nasty, file, disgusting, piece of shit!"_ Taeyang pushed let go of him, pushing him hard away from him and into the table stand; successfully knocking over a lamp that broke, glass pieces cutting against Jimin's leg.

Jimin cried, body shaking and exposed on the floor as he held both his, now bleeding from being scratched, legs together.

"Oh look you broke my lamp... what am I going to do with you now? You were already annoying as fuck then you had to go and cheat on me and now you've broken my lamp."

Jimin looked up at Taeyang through his black fringe, eyes guilty and scared -- so unlike how they were when the two first met, when Jimin was shy and curious as he accepted a date.

_When he made the worst mistake of his life._

_"That wasn't my worst mistake... my worst mistake was leaving Jungkook. I'm so stupid! He's probably so upset and worried! Why did I leave?! Why? Why? Why!?"_

_Yes exactly why? Because you're an idiot. You rather come back to him (Taeyang) instead of staying with someone who actually cares about you -- or so you think cares about you? He doesn't really care. Well he won't once he realizes you've left him_ **_again!_ ** _You're just a pathetic little confusing whore who keeps wasting his time! He could be doing much better things than worrying about_ **_you!_ ** _You! Who keeps on betraying him!_

"Why are you even here? Huh? Why'd you come back? You should've just stayed with him, since you already let him fuck you."

Jimin looked down at the broken glass.

_See? Even Taeyang doesn't want you now._

"After you let him fuck you did he not want you anymore? Did he kick you out? _Or_ did you realize I'm the one who was really there for you? The only one who took care of you? Tell me!" Taeyang screamed, picking up a long piece of the broken glass off the floor and pointing it down at Jimin.

Jimin eyes widened and he nodded frantically even though he wanted to scream , ' _My friends were there for me too but you forced me away from them!'_

"Y-Yes! Yes!"

"Yes what?! You realized I was the only one who fucking wanted you didn't you!?" Taeyang shouted down at Jimin who was now back up into a corner, still nodding and holding his body in a ball as he clenched his eyes shut and placed his head down on his knees.

"But you're not the only one."

The sound of Jungkook's steady and hard voice came from the front door, causing Jimin to look up, eyes full of tears and regret.

Jungkook was fully dressed and had been waiting outside the door for a while; looking for the perfect time to walk in. While he waited the girl he met in Jimin's ballet room came out the room, surprising herself and him even though he didn't show it.

_"Oh um this is awkward... why are you here Jungkook-sshi?"_

_"Why are_ **_you_ ** _here?" Jungkook had questioned her back, hoodie covered arms crossed and eyebrow raised as he leaned against the wall._

_"Oh um... well I asked you first!" She giggled but Jungkook's blank face didn't waver and instead he glared._

_He had a feeling --just by looking at the bite and finger prints on her neck -- that he knew what she had been doing in there._

_"For Jimin," he said after a moment of her awkward dying off chuckles._

_Her face didn't drop into confusion this time and instead she nodded, seemingly understandingly -- guilty. "Oh... well he's in there so. I should get going... see you around?"_

_Jungkook was confused at her sudden change in demeanor, but didn't question it as he responded back._

_"Unlikely."_

Jungkook had heard everything going on inside the apartment, even Jimin saying he didn't enjoy... what they did last night... and honestly he didn't know what to think of it. He knew for a fact Jimin couldn't have been faking last night --

_"He couldn't have been... the feeling I felt... I know he felt it too! He--he said he loves me--"_

_Then why'd he leave again? If he loves you why'd he leave?_

Jungkook had frowned at his conscious. He'd find out right now why Jimin left, and he only _hopes_ Jimin was lying when he said he didn't like what they did... because he happened to have loved it.

_He loved Jimin._

Jungkook glanced over at Jimin, who was only covered in his now ripped white T-shirt that was covered in specks of blood from his bleeding legs, as he stared up at him, his beautifully sad face confused as to why he was here --coming for him -- _him who didn't deserve Jungkook's help or love! So why was he here!?_

"Oh it's you again? The boy who you cheated on me with right Jimin? The one you let fuck you raw and dry to just throw you out and have you running back to me--"

Jungkook scoffed. "I _didn't_ _throw_ him out..." his voice quieted as he avert his gaze from Jimin's own. "He left."

Taeyang feined a gasp, sliding the glass in his back pocket as he turned towards Jimin, who was watching him with a scared expression before he turned towards the ground shamefully, with a fake surprised expression.

"He left!? Oh my! Who would've known he'd come back to me!? Me?! Out of all people. You just couldn't leave me huh?" Taeyang smirked, walking towards Jimin who didn't respond.

"Huh?!" Taeyang repeated louder, squatting down against Jimin's ear.

Jimin nodded causing Jungkook to frown, his hands tightening into fists.

"See? He didn't want you kid. He only wants me so why are you here? What do you want? You already got your pathetic piece of ass for a night what else do you need?" Taeyang's questions were directed towards Jungkook who previously staring at Jimin before his gaze snapped up.

"He's _not_ pathetic."

Taeyang laughed. "Damn kid did he really get you that sprung out? I know he wasn't _that_ good," Taeyang ah-ed suddenly. "Oh! Was he your first? Is that why you care so much? Are you in love now? Hm Jimin did you make him fall in love?"

Jimin slowly looked up at Jungkook, eyes watering as he took in Jungkook's blank expression.

Though his expression was blank his eyes held the emotion and they were filled with confusion -- betrayal.

"Well that's just too bad then hm? You'll just have to get over it because Jimin doesn't want you. He only wants me isn't that right Jimin?"

Jimin didn't respond and he questioned again, louder.

"Isn't that right Jimin?!"

Jimin cried, turning his head away from Jungkook who was watching him intently --hoping he wouldn't say yes but he did as he nodded.

Jungkook felt his hopes die instantly, at the same time as his heart which felt like it was falling out of his chest.

Taeyang smiled sinisterly. "See?! He doesn't want or need you kid! He just used you because I wasn't there and he was craving some affection but he knows to _never--"_ Taeyang looked back Jimin sharply. "Do that again so it's okay. Now you can leave and go on with your life! -- Unless you want to buy some snow but that's all I can offer you."

Jungkook felt his eye twitch in irritation, anger, and hurt -- he was _so_ hurt... yet what could he do? Jimin didn't _want_ him... anymore and... and Jungkook didn't know what changed his mind because last night he could've sworn Jimin loved him!

_He swore it!_

And now he's so angry, more angry than he's ever been in his life and he even feels the tears piling up but he wasn't going to give up -- he couldn't, he tried to hard to regain Jimin's trust and love to just _throw_ it away... all over again.

_He couldn't._

"Jimin I'm not leaving without you," his voice wavered and Jungkook knows he's not weak, he knows it yet why does he suddenly feel that way as tears blur his vision?

It's Jimin. Jimin makes him feel that way, whether it be happiness, love, lust, sadness, or anger -- Jimin makes him feel it.

He _can't_ live without Jimin. Jimin was the only one who mad him _feel_ something other than the competitiveness he was so so _so_ use to and quite frankly he didn't want to go back to feeling _just_ that.

He wanted more... he wanted Jimin but by the way Jimin's eyes flickered from Taeyang (specifically Taeyang's back pocket) and back to him, full of fear, regret, and sorrow as he mouthed a 'sorry', he knew Jimin didn't want him too.

And knowing that really _hurt._

Taeyang sighed. "Jimin come here. It seems like this love sick puppy doesn't know when to give up. So come tell and show him who you want."

Jimin stared up at Taeyang with tired, cried out eyes, tentatively looking back at Jungkook who face held a rare and sad expression as he stared back hard.

Jimin got up on wobbly legs, pulling the ripped shirt down in an attempt to cover himself but it was no use as Taeyang gripped his jaw roughly and pushed him into a wall, shirt lifting and showing off his exposed skin.

Jungkook took a step, fists clenching and adrenaline racing as he watched Taeyang touch Jimin -- _his_ Jimin.

He calmed though when he realized why was he even upset?

_"Jimin wants this, he wants Taeyang... not me."_

_He was Taeyang's... not Jungkook's -- Jimin wanted it to be like that._

_"So why did he pretend like he wanted me!? Why did he say he loves me?!"_ Jungkook internally screamed as he watched Taeyang kiss Jimin on his mouth and grip his bottom tightly.

The kiss was full of tongue and teeth as Taeyang bite down hard on Jimin's bottom lip, Jimin crying out and turning his head away when he let go.

Taeyang turned back towards Jungkook and gave a smirk.

"Jimin who do you love? Tell him who you love!"

Jimin clenched his eyes shut as he responded, voice cracked and shaky.

"Y-You... I l-love you."

"Me just me? Not him right?" Taeyang added not feeling fully satisfied with Jimin's answer.

Jimin reluctantly mumbled, "No... just you..."

Taeyang huffed proudly, pushing Jimin away and off of him.

He stumbled onto the floor yet Jungkook couldn't bring himself to run and help him -- he couldn't help Jimin anymore, not when Jimin didn't even want to help himself.

It hurt but what else could he do. Once again they've gone to waste and Jungkook is tired of going in circles. He doesn't want to do it anymore especially if Jimin would just continue to go back with Taeyang -- especially if Jimin did care or _love_ him.

 _"Maybe my parents were right,"_ Jungkook thought and he hated himself for it because it was true.

_Maybe Jimin never really cared._

"Now do you see kid?"

Jungkook swallowed down his pride and nodded a few times.

"I see..."

He took one last glance at Jimin who was now standing, holding his bruised elbows as he watched him leave, knowing this time it was for good -- this time Jungkook wouldn't forgive him for leaving.

_He wouldn't forgive him for hurting him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An. I don't know how I feel about this chapter -- not like what happened, I did plan that but the way I wrote it out... idk lol. Please don't be upset though! I can't tell you why not to be upset because I'm a bit sad at this part too but you have to understand what and where Jimin is coming from. He's truly truly truly doesn't believe he deserves Jungkook after everything he's been through so that's why he went back with Taeyang. He didn't really want to but he felt like Jungkook was better without him -- even though he knew it would hurt him if he left, which it did as you read. Don't think this is over though! More drama to come :) please vote and comment, I love feedback! P.s my spring break is over so updates my take a while, hopefully no longer than a week tho <3
> 
> UPDATED authors note (for this who aren't understanding what or why this just happened) : I understand your frustration and your disappointment but you have to see where Jimin is coming from (it's seems like you do so yeah that's great) and also understand that the things he feels won't go away over sex and words that are hard for him to believe, like "I love you." So he still has a lot of trust issues and it's hard for him to accept and believe that jk wants him, thus the reason he went back to Taeyang-- and also bc he thinks Jungkook deserves better so that too.
> 
> With Jungkook he's just tired of trying and he himself has issues and don't know what to do with Jimin because he's never been through something like this before and his mindset is set on fighting and competition so it's all confusing and new especially when Jimin doesn't want him to fight Taeyang. So basically he's just tired... I wouldn't say he's given up tho yet ;)
> 
> Just trust me tho we'll get a happy ending eventually. You just have to remember that this is angst and what's a story if the happy ending just comes like that? Basically it would be no story. This is all about building up, to the happy ending if you get what I mean?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I've ever stated this but sometimes the text with go into italics and that's the character's conscious.

Jungkook slammed the door shut, letting out a shaky sigh as he did. His whole body was shaking and the question, _why, why, why_ kept repeating in his head as tears streamed down his face and he stared down at the hall floor.

_"How could he do this to me!? Why, would he do this to me?!"_

Jungkook knew he didn't deserve this, not after everything he's done for Jimin -- not after everything they've done for each other, even though it's been a stressful, confusing -- oh so very confusing on both ends -- week they reunited... and the feels seemed to have still been there -- well according to last night. Jungkook thought they had something special then... now he's not so sure -- actually. Now he is sure. He's sure that what they had was nothing. It was absolutely nothing.

To Jimin at least...

And thinking -- _knowing_ _that_ hurt him so fucking much, he couldn't stop feeling this hurt in his chest and he didn't like the feeling... this feeling of being hurt. He's felt it way too many times in his past from both his parents and fighting but back then he overcame the feeling of being hurt by blocking out his parents words and becoming skilled in fighting so that it'd never hurt. Before he did that though he had Jimin to rely on and to make him feel better about messing up in practice or arguing with his parents. Jimin was always there for him back then and Jungkook truly thought he cared -- even after Jimin left! Yet now he sees... he sees Jimin could care less.

_So why should he?_

Jungkook looks up from the floor, glare hard as he makes his way back to his own apartment; he's been slacking, on everything he came here for, everything that took him so long to put his mind to (and off Jimin) -- he did that _just_ to let said boy who he thought loved him -- who he thought cared about him --interfere with his goals.

His goals that no longer involved Jimin... his goals that he promised he wouldn't let anything come between in the first place.

Jungkook was never good at keeping his promises. Just look at Jimin, he promised he'd protect Jimin but that's not what Jimin wants -- Jimin wants _nothing_ to do with him and Jungkook has accepted that fact, now all he has to do is move on...

He knows it will be hard to forget the memories they just made... to forget everything he knows Jimin's been through... to forget the flashbacks of the night before -- the beautiful love making, that he assumes Jimin must've been faking...

He wants it all out of his head, yet he knows it'll be hard to forget.

_It's always hard to forget love._

That's why Jungkook never loves. It makes you vulnerable, it makes you weak, and worst of all --

 _"It makes you feel! In this situation -- in this fighting there's no feel. You don't feel sympathy, you don't feel pain, and you especially don't feel_ **_love."_ **

Wise words from his father, wise words he should've never ignored, because --

_"Once you feel any of those Jungkook ah... you simply just start to hurt. How do you win if you're hurting?"_

His mother was always better at explaining his father's words; she was always wiser at the way she said anything -- anything that didn't involve Jimin.

They both disliked Jimin and Jungkook never understood why. Sure Jimin back then didn't have everything he had seeing as Jimin was in a low middle class household with just a working father, and Jungkook's parents were both sports champions who made good money -- _yet,_ even so, Jungkook still didn't believe that should have been a reason for them to dislike Jimin.

Now that he thought about it though they use to tell him all that time that Jimin didn't and never cared about him... back then he didn't believe them (he thought he knew for a fact that Jimin cared about him because Jimin showed him for care and affection then his own damn parents) but now he sees they were right... his parents, who he hates to admit, were right.

_Jimin never fucking cared._

And knowing that made it easier to forget -- or at least hide the fact that it happened, it being, _the conversations, the smiles, the hugs, the tears, the kisses, the 'I love yous'._

He'd hide it all, and eventually he'd forget. That's what he wanted right?

_No..._

He didn't want to forget what happened, he knew he wouldn't be able to just like last time. Yet he could ignore it -- the memories. He could pretend that they didn't happen, he could pretend that he never met Jimin.

He could do that.

 _"I could do that,"_ Jungkook spoke to himself as he looked in the mirror.

The hurt he was feeling now was slowly becoming anger and what better way to manage anger?

_To let it out._

*  
*

"Jungkook ah you do realize it's a Sunday right?"

Jungkook sighs, adjusting his robe before looking down at the old man who was sat on the floor, eyes closed as he meditated.

He nods curtly even though he's not sure if the older can see him. "Yes I'm aware..."

Right after the incident at Jimin's he went to his apartment and grabbed his equipment so he could go practice and take his mind off of what happened; here he was now.

The teacher finally looks up to eye him. "Then what are you doing here in class?"

Jungkook frowns. "What are you doing here?" He asks back.

The older man's lip twitches. "I asked you first."

Jungkook glares at him before sighing. "I've been slacking during classes so I've come to practice. My first major tournament here is soon and I want to win."

"You've won all the practice tournaments. What makes you think you'll lose?" The grandmaster questioned, watching as Jungkook slid sparring gloves onto his hands and rolled his eyes.

"Like I said. I've been slacking."

The older man isn't taken aback by Jungkook's distant attitude, he's used to it by now because it reminds him so much of Jungkook's father; the only difference was Jungkook's father had a bigger mouth on him.

"Slacking... I wouldn't say you've been slacking, your skills are very advanced for your level... Maybe... you're a little preoccupied."

Jungkook glances down at him, and the grandmaster's eyes are once again closed, face nonchalant.

"Preoccupied how?" Jungkook takes a seat across the man to stretch; he can't help but ask since he didn't think him being so stuck on Jimin was obvious.

"Mentally. Your mind is somewhere else, thinking about something else or maybe..." the grey haired man glances up, raising a bushy brow. "Someone."

Jungkook stares at him for a moment before turning away. He lets out a breath.

"Yeah I was. But not anymore. He... they don't matter anymore and I want to focus on what I came here for."

"What did you come here for?" The teacher questions calmly, hands that were in the air dropping to his knees.

"To master in Taekwondo of course," Jungkook responds in an obvious tone.

The teacher hums. "So to master in Taekwondo means you can not focus on whoever 'he' is?"

Jungkook's breath halts, his gaze stuck on the older man who's eyes were still closed.

_"What was he insinuating? Was he teasing me?"_

Jungkook's eyes narrowed for a second before he looked away and nodded to himself.

"Yeah. I can't let anything come between this... but its not like he cares so it doesn't matter anyways."

"You say it doesn't matter but is that in general or to you? To _me_ it seems like it does matter a whole lot to you _at least_ if it's enough to take your mind off of something I can tell you're really passionate about."

The old man opens his eyes to take in Jungkook's response. Jungkook is staring hard at the ground, thinking.

"It did... it _does_ matter... he..."

"Matters," the grandmaster answers for him.

Jungkook glances up at the man consciously, there was no sign of judgment at all and he was grateful because if he were to have this conversation with his father all there would be was judgment.

"Yes. He matters but I realized that's not what I'm here for -- he's not what I'm here for and..."

"It's holding you back?"

"No... yes. I don't know. I guess? But he could care less so why should I? I came here to fight and not for him!"

It's quiet for a moment as Jungkook calms down and the teacher watches him.

"You say you came here to fight and not for him yet I can see you're internally fighting your own self... _over_ him. Whoever he may be..." the older says once again calmly.

Jungkook doesn't know what to say because his teacher is right, he was fighting himself over Jimin.

 _He didn't know what to do!_ He just wanted to help Jimin but Jimin didn't want him and...

"You two must be close? You and this unknown he?"

That gets a snort out of Jungkook. "Yeah... he was a close childhood friend. My only friend actually. We met again here and... things happened."

Jungkook doesn't know _why_ he's telling his _teacher_ anything personal about him, but it doesn't look like the older man minds by the way he nods understandingly.

"Oh so you met again and _things_ happened?"

Jungkook nods, not wanting to press what happened -- not wanting to talk about any of those _things_.

"Well I'm assuming whatever happened is bad and something that broke your care for each other? Something that you want to forget and so you came here to do so?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes actually, which is weird because a couple months ago you were pretty hard to read and held almost no emotion. I'm guessing this person has had an effect on that?"

Jungkook feels his face heat as he mumbles. "Sadly."

"That's not sad Jungkook ah. It's good to feel things, if you don't feel then ultimately you don't know and all your senses will be confused when you finally feel something that you aren't used to feeling."

Jungkook frowns at his teacher's words, and not because he disagrees but because it makes sense, more than his own parents at least.

His parents whom he just early thought, words were wise; he guesses he thought wrong.

"I'll tell you this, that's if you want to listen to what I have to say?"

Jungkook doesn't see a reason not to.

"I'm listening Sabeomnim."

"It seems like you are at conflict with your feelings yet you can not ignore them by blocking them out. You must acknowledge them and acknowledge the fact that this childhood friend of yours matters to you still."

"I do acknowledge it I just... I just don't... want to," Jungkook explains feeling slightly annoyed.

"Well you obviously care about them if they've been taking up your mind for the past weeks."

Jungkook doesn't respond, he can't because it's true, of course he still cares about Jimin. He'll never stop not matter how much Jimin has hurt him today.

"I don't know what happened between you two but I'll tell you this. It's okay to have your mind occupied on something else other than fighting. Thats normal and healthy. In fact it's better to have your mind on something or someone that makes you feel whether it be anger, happiness, or love -- preferably happiness or love or both. Think about that something or person you love happily smiling at you and hugging you when you've finally won after not giving up because you simply had the image of _them_ in your head."

Jungkook feels his eyes water at the image of a happy and healthy Jimin smiling at him (with his adorable chubby cheeks and bright eyes) after he's won.

Jungkook blinks the image away and his gloved hands tighten into fists.

 _Though Jimin made you feel he doesn't want that remember? Jimin_ **_doesn't_ ** _want or love you._

"What if that's impossible for me?"

 _"What if the person I love doesn't love me back? What if_ **_Jimin_ ** _doesn't love me back?"_

"Anything is possible as long as you put your mind and heart to it and of course the most important... you believe in it and in yourself."

*

     *

"Aw what's wrong baby? Did you change your mind? Wanted to go with your little boyfriend?" Taeyang teased, a rare pout settled on his lips indicating that he was high along with his bloodshot eyes.

Jimin just heaved a cry as he thought to himself.

"W _hy? Why did I do that!?"_ He internally scolded himself as he stared at his bloody scratched up legs that were quivering along with the rest of his body.

 _What else could you have done!? Jungkook doesn't need someone as fucked up as you in his life,_ _why'd you even bother him in the first place! You could've simply acted like you didn't know him or know he was here but you didn't,_ _you_ **_sad_ ** _,_ **_pathetic_ ** _,_ **_piece of waste_ ** _!_

Jimin clenched his eyes shut at his thoughts.

 _"_ _Everything is my fault! I'm so stupid..._ _Jungkook probably hates me so much now..."_

"Answer me! Did you want to leave me after all I've done for your sorry ass!?" Taeyang suddenly shouts and Jimin opens his eyes slowly, scared eyes gazing up at Taeyang. Taeyang looks down at him, the piece of glass he pulled out of his pocket (when Jungkook wasn't paying attention) in his hand and pointing down at the ground.

He snaps his hand towards Jimin who flinches back, arms still wrapped around his knees.

"Did you want to leave!?"

Jimin shakes his head immediately, swallowing down the fright in his throat as the memory of Taeyang pressing the glass against his skin resurfaced.

_"Jimin who do you love? Tell him who you love!" Taeyang shouted pressing the glass against his back._

_Jimin turned his head away from Jungkook as he said the words he knew he truly didn't want to._

_Closing his eyes tightly he brokenly responded. "Y-You... I l-love you."_

What a lie.

"N-No... I d-didn't!"

"Are you lying to me again?" Taeyang asks after a moment of eyeing Jimin's small shaking body on the floor.

Jimin is slow to respond as he stares back and forth from Taeyang and the glass he was still holding.

_"Would he really use that on me?"_

_I don't see why he wouldn't, you deserve it._

Jimin's jaw clenched at his thoughts and he held himself tighter.

"You are aren't you? You're fucking lying!"

Taeyang moves towards him and Jimin drops his legs in opt to move backwards towards the wall; his feet and legs scratching against the glass on the floor as he does.

"No! No I'm not! I-I promise! I-I'm not lying to you please!" Jimin cries, holding his bloody hand that got scratched from a broken piece of glass he accidentally pressed down on when he was moving back.

Taeyang stares at him hard, no more teasing in his eyes. "Get up."

Jimin obligates easily, getting up on his shaky legs as quick as he could.

When he's done Taeyang motions for him to come closer with the hand he was holding the glass with and he does hesitantly.

"You love me don't you? I've took care of you and fucked you good for the past two years... you love me right?" Taeyang questions, voice quiet and scratchy as he backs Jimin into the wall; his hand that held the glass creeping up against Jimin's stomach.

Jimin tried his hardest not to look down at the glass (he felt now against his chest) as he nodded.

"If you love me then why didn't you listen to me?" Taeyang asks, his bloodshot eyes watering unexpectantly.

Jimin is shocked because is Taeyang _crying?_ Taeyang never cries... especially over _him_ _._ Taeyang doesn't even like or care about him so why would he be crying?

_Because maybe he does care! If he didn't care would he have kept you around for so long?! Would he have beaten you when you did something wrong!? No! He wouldn't have! He did that to teach you a lesson! Because he cares!_

_"But... People who care don't do things like that..."_

_Like what?! You don't even know what people who care do!_ **_No one_ ** _has ever cared about you! So what do you know!?_

_"Jungkook cared..."_

_Well you fucked that up didn't you!? Jungkook_ **_hates_ ** _you now._

_"Because of you! He hates me because I listened to you!"_

_Haha you dumbass. Jimin listen to yourself. I am you._

Jimin inaudibly gasped, Taeyang shouting bringing him out of his internal argument with himself.

"Why'd you fuck him? Why the fuck did you let him touch you if you loved me!?" Taeyang cried in a shout as he pressed the glass against Jimin's throat.

_"I don't love you! I hate you so much!"_

"I-I don't know... I'm sorry!" Jimin whispers instead and Taeyang's tears turn into a glare.

"After all I've done for you..." Taeyang backs up after pushing Jimin hard against the wall, he then throws the glass which Jimin dodges barely.

"Y-You've done nothing but k-kept me trapped!" Jimin has the courage to shout back the words he's been thinking forever -- after of course deciding not to listen to his conscious for once -- and his voice is stuck in his throat but Taeyang hears anyways and angrily slams his head against the wall again.

"Oh really!? So I've done nothing then!?" Taeyang growls, hands holding Jimin up against the wall by his throat.

Jimin kicks his legs and tries to pry Taeyang's hands off of him. "N-No let me go! I hate you! I-I hate you so much!"

"So you lied then!? You don't love me then?"

Jimin looked at Taeyang with tear filled eyes, feeling his breath leave his lungs and his color leave his skin as he responded back the best he could.

"I-I've n-never loved you..."

All emotion seems to drop from Taeyang's eyes as he then drops Jimin, grabbing him by his hair and hauling him towards the bathroom.

Jimin tries to catch his breath as he protests."S-Stop! W-What are you doing!?"

"You've never loved me huh? I've kept you trapped have I? Hm... I'll show you what being trapped feels like then," Taeyang says more to himself as he pushes Jimin into the bathroom roughly, causing Jimin to tumble against the bathtub -- luckily he catches himself before he falls in.

Taeyang just pushes him harder though until he finally falls into it.

Jimin doesn't want to get pushed again so he places himself far against the wall and watches as Taeyang leaves the bathroom.

Jimin stares at the open door confused until Taeyang comes back with a rope, one that Jimin knows he's used for drugs.

This time though there was no drugs, Jimin knew what Taeyang wanted to do with the rope and he tries to run out of the bath tub before Taeyang can get him but it's no use, Taeyang grabs him quickly and pushes him back down hard against the tub floor.

"N-No please Taeyang y-you don't have to do this! I promise I'll leave and b-be on my way. I'll never come back again please just let me _go_!" Jimin cries as Taeyang ties his hands with the rope.

Said man's face is blank until that statement in which he chuckles.

"You really think I'm going to let you go now after what you said? Maybe you need to remember something Jimin. I said you'd be mine forever and I meant it."

Shocked tears stream down Jimin's face as he tried to pull the rope from the bathtub handle.

"N-No no no! Please no! Please let me go I'm begging you!"

Taeyang scoffs. "Why so you can run back to him!? And beg for his dick instead!?"

"No!" Jimin shakes his head as Taeyang moves his hand towards the cold water handle.

He turns it.

"While you're in here thinking about your mistakes and who's actually there for you, I should let you cleanse yourself free of him shouldn't I?"

Jimin tries to back up as the freezing cold water comes out from the shower and soaks him.

"N-No what are you doing! Please stop Taeyang! I-I'm sorry-I'm so s-sorry! Please! I'll listen, I promise I'll listen! I'll never leave or let anyone else touch me again!"

"Don't you think it's too late for that?" Taeyang questions with a tilt of his head, as he watches a terrified Jimin try to move his body from under the freezing water.

"N-No I will!"

"You say that but how do I know you're not lying? Like how you lied about loving me for these past years."

"I-I'm not lying! Please don't make me stay in here p-please!"

"Aww... you're so sad baby. Too bad I don't believe you. Maybe when I get back you'll have learned your lesson hm?"

"W-What _lesson_ Taeyang? What did I do to deserve this?!" Jimin cried as his body shook from the cold water hitting his skin.

Jimin's words seem to have struck something in Taeyang because he halts, staring down at Jimin hard and unblinking before he then turns off the cold water.

"What did you do? Funny... they all asked me the same thing," Taeyang answers yet he's not laughing and nothings funny. "My parents, my friends, my exes... You're the only one who I thought truly cared and loved me Jimin. No matter what I did to you, you were dumb enough to stay and I started to believe maybe you're not dumb... maybe you actually just care and love for me like no one else has ever."

Jimin stared up at Taeyang through his wet fringe. He's shocked once again because Taeyang has never admitted something -- his thoughts or feelings -- to him ever and he doesn't know how to feel or respond to it.

For some reason he wants to explain to Taeyang that he did care at one point but he knows it's too late, Taeyang won't listen to anything he says because just like Jungkook, Jimin's managed to hurt him too somehow...

"Yet now I know that that was all nothing and you are really just a dumb ass fucking pathetic little lying ass whore who doesn't care about me either... after all I've done for you."

Jimin takes in Taeyang's words, looking down at the wet bathtub floor as the older leaves; shutting off the lights and leaving him alone in the wet cold bathroom.

He couldn't move -- he couldn't even cry as he stared into the darkness. The only light was coming from the window that was too high up for him to reach and eventually his thoughts found him once again.

_"What did I do?"_

_You're so fucking stupid! Yet it doesn't even matter... if you went with Jungkook he would've just had gotten tired of you eventually too, then he would have thrown you out like Taeyang probably wants to right now!_

_God why couldn't you just listen to him in the first place?! Why couldn't you have went home on your own like he said!? If you did that then maybe you wouldn't be having all these problems! You're so ungrateful! You should be appreciative after all that Taeyang has done for you!_

_"But he_ _hasn't_ _done anything but beat_ _and hurt_ _me_ _..."_

_So what! Think about all that you've done! First you fucked up your parents relationship, then you left Jungkook-- twice! -- and now you've hurt Taeyang!_

_"I didn't mess up my parents relationship! And I know I left Jungkook! I wish I hadn't but... but it's too late and-- and he's better off without me just like you said... so stop reminding me! And Taeyang!? Really I hurt Taeyang!? What about me!? He's been hurting me for the past two years!"_

_Because you_ **_deserve_ ** _it! If you didn't have soccer practice that day then your father wouldn't have been able to cheat! If you would've just stayed in your room then no one would have been able to touch you! If you wouldn't have brought up the parents that never loved you in the first place at the orphanage then the boys there wouldn't have bothered you! If you would've just stayed with Jungkook then you wouldn't have to go through this--"_

 _"I only left because you told me too!"_ Jimin clenched his eyes shut, trying to stop his conscious from taking over like it always does.

 _And you listened! So it's not my fault because like I said earlier Jimin... I am you and you are listening to_ **_yourself._ ** _EVERYTHING you do is because of_ **_you_ ** _. Every mistake you make is because of_ **_you_ ** _... I'M simply just the voice in your head -- you guide yourself... you..._

"Deserve it. I deserve it... everything that's happened to me. I deserved it... everything is my _fault."_

_Right. At this point you ask yourself why we're you born? WHY did you become the pathetic human you are?! WHY are you even here now!?_

Jimin gulps, taking in his thoughts finally and letting them control him once again -- letting himself control him, _once again._

"Why am I here...?" Jimin finally questions, and it's a question that has been roaming around in his mind forever now, yet he's just never acknowledged the fact that it was there.

Now he had though. He's acknowledged it, he's said it out loud and the question feels fitting, like it's a question that needs to be asked -- a question that can't be solved... or he doesn't believe it can be at least.

"I don't belong here... I don't deserve to be here."

Sure he's had such thoughts before, usually only when he's getting beat by Taeyang though -- yet even so they only occur then that doesn't mean anything, they're not new thoughts.

He's felt this way for a while even when he was surrounded by people who said they loved him.

Jimin didn't know why anyone attempted to love him... Dr. Young, Minsu, Jin, Hoseok, Taehyung... Jungkook. Especially Jungkook who had showed him so much love _just_ the night before and _even_ before that too.

Jimin let out a ragged breath.

Why'd they want to love him? He didn't feel like he deserved that -- their love... He didn't feel like he deserved to be here.

So why was he here?

A tear finally finds its way down his cheek as he repeats the question.

 _"Why am I here?"_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes. This is probably the shortest chapter yet with 4,000 something words but I'm content with it and I hope you are too. It should keep you wondering what is going to happen next -- that is my goal actually so please leave feedback on what you think is going to happen. Please DONT say Jimin is dumb for thinking the way he does or Jungkook for that matter either because if you don't see where they are coming from then you don't have the mindset to be reading this. I won't answer anymore questions as to why I'm doing what I'm doing because this is angst and things like this happen. Remember it's supposed to be a STORY and in stories things happen, you don't just get a happy ending after one chapter -- well here you won't because it doesn't work like that. This is slow burn and so the development is going to be SLOW. Luckily things are picking up now, and I'll actually give you a hint and say the climax is coming up soon so be ready! Thanks for reading so far I hope I didn't hurt to many of you, just remember to read the tags next time if I did ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a really big shock in this chapter guys... beware? Haha and sorry for any mistakes :)

Believing is easier said than done, Jungkook thinks as he makes his way down the elevator.

Two days have passed and he hasn't seen or ran into Jimin. It's been quiet in Jimin's apartment and he's worried -- he honestly hates the fact but he can't help it. Feelings don't change over night and no matter what happened between them he still hopes Jimin is okay.

_He's not._

Jungkook knows he not, he _truly_ does know that Jimin _isn't_ safe yet _what_ else can he do at this point? _What else_ is there to believe in?! A lot? _Sure,_ there was his health, his skills... Jimin.

Everything in his mind kept falling back onto _Jimin_ and Jungkook really wanted ( _wants_ ) to believe in Jimin and in their relationship but Jimin left him _for_ Taeyang who beats and neglects him -- Jimin _loves_ Taeyang... not him.

Jungkook can't help but question why? What didn't he do right? Did Jimin just like his relationship with Taeyang? Is that what he was into -- getting beaten? Does he _like_ that? Is that why he went back?

Has Jimin ever actually loved him..?

These questions make Jungkook angry because how can anyone want to go back to _that?_ How can anyone _like that?_

_"We were best friends... I could've took such good care of him... but that was what he wanted."_

_It's not what he deserves though..._

_"I know! But... but what can I do?!"_

How do you believe in someone who doesn't want you to believe in them? How do you _help_ someone who doesn't want to be _helped?!_

Those were the main questions running through Jungkook's head and at this point he just didn't know _what_ to do.

He's never felt so weak about something in his _life!_ He's never felt so weak about _someone -- ever!_

So could you blame him for being confused and angry by the fact Jimin making it clear that he doesn't want him by returning to his abuser (the man he stated to Jungkook that he _hated_ so so much) -- for not knowing _what_ to do?

_For not doing ANYTHING?_

He only could do what he knew and he knew how to fight and protect, yet Jimin... Jimin didn't _want_ that.

And as of right now Jungkook didn't know what exactly Jimin wanted... he just knew he was done trying.

*

   *

"I saw you leaving the club the other day with my best friends bitch. He told me your virgin ass hit the whore once and fell in love apparently. Haha too bad the bitch is so tight on Taeyang's leash--"

He's already on the floor, attempting to block himself but it's no use against Jungkook. He was already in a bad mood when he came in -- he has been in a bad mood for days now yet nobody had tested him until today and of course it had to be Minho. He was always testing Jungkook, telling him he was a bad fighter, telling him he sucked -- dumb stuff like that and Jungkook just beat him up every single time for it... usually during planned spars though not unexpectedly like this.

As Jungkook's fists aim for Minho's eye his conscious crowds in his thoughts.

_Why couldn't you beat up Taeyang like this when you_ **_knew_ ** _he was hurting Jimin? Why couldn't you protect him like you promised you would!?_

The internal question makes him halt his movements and he backs up, gaze moving down to his hand and away from Minho who was glaring at him through his swollen eye as he stood up.

"We weren't even sparring! And if we were you're foul because you can't attack me when I've already hit the floor!"

Jungkook heaved a breathe, his knuckles burning as he turned towards the grandmaster who seemed to be amused.

"Ah Minho... last week I noticed you attempted to sweep Jungkook by his leg--"

"Not even!"

The grandmaster holds up a hand and Minho quiets instantly, crossing his arms as he scowls.

"Though your attempt didn't successfully work on Jungkook, leg sweeping is also a foul in the actual tournaments, but since we are only practicing, playing dirty will only make you receive dirt back in return... and a disqualification in the actual match. Yes this applies to everyone. We went over all the fouls in the beginning of the year so you all should know what and what not to do."

_"What and what not to do... what could I have done to protect Jimin from someone who he didn't believe he needed protection from... from someone who he willingly went back to... from someone who only inflicted pain on him -- pain that he believed he deserved! After all these years... how do you show someone that they don't deserve pain and hurt when pain and hurt is the only thing they know and are use to... How... How do you get someone like that to stay?"_

Minho scoffing pulls Jungkook out of his internal battle.

"I didn't know you were that hung over his bitch ass--"

Jungkook doesn't know what comes over him, maybe it's all the angry he's been holding in finally coming out as his foot makes contact with Minho's face.

" _Don't_ insult him when you don't even know him!"

Minho holds his nose from his spot back on the ground. Everyone else in the class stops their stretching to watch the scene unravel; they're surprised because Jungkook is never this vocal in class and he usually ignores all of Minho's remarks, so they're all questioning and wondering what changed?

"Oh I know him! I know how he's just a stupid little faggot bitch who lets my friend fuck and beat him whenever he pleases!"

Jungkook is boiling in anger, he's not supposed to care anymore, these words about Jimin aren't supposed to bother him but it's only been _two_ days since everything and of course he cares! He's never stopped... he _still_ hasn't stopped and deep down he he knows he never will.

He said he was done trying but when he cares so hard about something -- someone _so special,_ it's kind of hard to do so.

"Shut up you-- you fucking hypocrite! If Jimin's a 'faggot' then what is Taeyang?!"

_What am I?_

Jungkook's never acknowledged the fact that he was gay or could be gay. It scares him because now that he thinks about it he's realized he's only ever acknowledged Jimin and love not stupid _labels_ and slur words like _faggot._

Minho is quiet for a second, Jungkook's words hitting him like a brick while he stares.

"You don't know Jimin and you never will."

Jungkook's voice holds warning even through its calm eerie.

Minho ignores the warning though and Jungkook really hates losing his composure, he hates breaking down his walls and showing off his true and complicated emotions -- he hates that he can't ignore Minho and his ignorant words.

"I know how Jimin left you and went back to Taeyang."

There's a smirk on his lip, its teasing, testing, and conniving; it has Jungkook swallowing hard.

"Did I hit something there? Or has he done this before and you're just use to it? Use to being second... like your father?"

The smirk on Minho's face widens as Jungkook blanks out in memory.

_He had just won second place in his first official Taekwondo match and his head was throbbing since he took a kick to it._

_Even though he was hurt he was happy and proud of himself for wining second place -- his parents on the other hand could care less. His mother was quiet and didn't look at him on the drive back while his father glared at him the whole ride._

_Right when they got home his father made him go train for hours and hours until he was exhausted and shaking from the tears he was forcing himself to hold back._

_"Are you crying! Why?! Crying is a sign of weakness! You are weak!"_

_"I-I'm not crying and I'm not weak!" Jungkook had argued._

_"Wipe your pathetic face and show me how you aren't then!"_

_His father knew what he was forcing him to do wasn't okay, yet he insisted on knocking Jungkook down over and over until he couldn't get up -- until he realized even second place wasn't okay (to him that is)._

_"I can't I'm too tired... Why are you making me do this anyways!? I didn't even lose in my rank!"_

_"It doesn't matter if you didn't lose in your rank, you lost overall and that is not okay! Now you're tired?! Pshhh. A real man is never tired! You want to be a real man right?"_

_Jungkook turns his head away with a scowl and a nod._

_"Well then you've got a long way if you think real men get tired because they don't!"_

_"Everyone gets tired and - and everyone loses! You lost before!"_

_In less than five seconds his father was hovered over him from his spot on the ground, foot on his chest, holding him down on the ground and against the mat._

_"Who do you think you are son? Just because I lost once doesn't mean anything! I lost because your mother was in labor with you on the most important day of my life! I lost because you ruined everything!"_

_This time Jungkook did cry, hot wet tears streaming down his face as he stared up into his father's eyes._

_"Now you need to make up that win I lost... yet with your skills you'll never get the opportunity, you'll never be first and you'll never get to that level... you'll_ **_never_ ** _be better than_ **_me_ ** _."_

_It's been a year since Jimin's left and Jungkook is still affected by it. He's been training but it doesn't help when his thoughts are still clouded and filled with big cheeky smiles and soft chubby fingers._

_Jimin was the only one who made him feel like he was a first priority whether or not he won or lost, he really misses Jimin but letting go is easier than remembering -- Becoming better than his father was easier than remembering._

_So that's what he planned to do, become better than his father and forget the fact that Jimin left him._

Obviously that didn't work out too well, Jungkook thinks as his fist clench tightly.

He's trying his best not to stoop down to Minho's level and lose his composure because the grandmaster told them specifically that this would happen.

_'Composure is a good thing to have. You should never let an opponents words get to you, You should never get angry. That's just doing what they were wanting for you to do in the first place. But all inner anger does is cloud up your techniques and that's not a good thing.'_

Jungkook knows Minho is trying to make him angry on purpose so he doesn't want to fall into the trap -- he doesn't want to give the other the satisfaction of getting to him even though he's already been gotten to.

He's already fallen into a trap, a trap of love, a trap of Jimin.

He can't get out... and the crazy part is that he doesn't want to, he truly doesn't want to stop trying and he definitely doesn't want to give up... but he had or at least he's on the verge of doing so.

He's tired yet he'll always love Jimin and deep down he hopes Jimin still loves him too even if he's convinced himself that the older doesn't.

"Enough!"

Everyone goes still and quiet -- even Minho -- as they look up at the grandmaster who _never_ raises his voice _ever._

He doesn't look angry, maybe a little irritated but not angry as his eyes narrow and he holds his hand in a stop motion.

"1997. A Summer Olympics that changed my life..." the old fighter sighed, eyes closing and hands intertwining as the fell against his pelvis.

"Years of training for a 40 minute fight I hadn't even expected to win in the first place after all my years of coming in second. Yet I won first place... against a man who was known for fighting ruthlessly. A very dedicated--" his eyes open and he looks pointedly towards Jungkook.

" _Too_ dedicated man. Who had his own personal issues, the most important one was a baby actually. He had Jungkook-ssi waiting for him in the hospital and that forced him to be so dedicated and prone to win," he looks down at Minho who averts his gaze with a roll of the eyes. "He and I both thought he was going to win and I thought wow all that effort I put in just to get second like always. But then something in me said no. _Believe._ So I did. I believed in myself and _I didn't,_ I didn't lose. I had _hope._ I believed in myself and I won."

Jungkook doesn't blink as he averts his gaze, heart filled with surprise at the fact that his father was so dedicated to win for _him_ \-- him! ... yet he didn't. He didn't win and his happiness and dedication towards Jungkook turned into blame. Yes, he blamed Jungkook! Who hadn't even asked to be here! And for so long Jungkook truly believed his father lost because of _him... nothing changed._

Yet the word _believe_ steady ran through his mind and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it...

"Even though I had won and I was proud and I was happy, I was still grateful. For all the second places and loses I had received because they pushed me to get first. And I realized there's nothing wrong with losing as long as you're okay with accepting the fact that you have lost."

The room is quiet and it seems as if everyone is thinking about the times they have lost. Even Jungkook is thinking about his past losses and how they also pushed him to always do his best.

Even so, he still doesn't like to accept the fact that he has lost before. He can't help it, he had his father in him and his father doesn't like to accept loss.

_His father doesn't give up._

So why should he?

The grandmaster motions for everyone to resume their stretching and then turns to Jungkook who stood, face stern and arms crossed, his hair covering his tired (from practicing all night) eyes. Minho was a good distance away from him, now standing with a frown etched onto his lips and an eye shading purple.

"Mr. Song please apologize for making unneeded remarks and slurs towards Mr. Jeon and his friend and Mr. Jeon please apologize for hitting Mr. Song unexpectedly--"

"I'm not apologizing to him or his faggot little boyfriend."

Jungkook feels his pulse tick but he remains put as he maturely turns towards Minho with a deep bow.

"I apologize for fucking up your eye," Jungkook says, completely serious as Minho stares, confusion all over his face as gulps.

"Well... well I don't accept it and I'm not apologizing!" Minho stubbornly replied with a cross of his arms.

"Does not apologizing make you proud? Do you feel like you've won since you weren't the one to apologize first? Well you haven't. The one who's courageous enough to cut the bullshit and apologize first is usually the stronger one. Physical appearance doesn't matter it's all about mental power which reflects on your physical power. If you can overcome your internal demons that are stopping you then that's when you're aloud to be strong -- and with that you'll eventually win. That's when you're aloud to be a _real man."_

Jungkook's gaze snaps towards the grandmaster who's not looking at him but feels Jungkook's gaze on him as he quirks his lip.

"I guess I'm not a real man then," Minho grumbles as he begins to walk away, his pride too big to give in or he's embarrassed that he hadn't given in first. Either way Jungkook could care less as he cracks his neck with a shrug -- though deep down what he really wants to do is punch Minho in his throat. Too bad he's decided he's shown too much emotion and rather hates the exposed feeling he gets from showing that side of him -- the emotional side that is.

It's rare and he's been so good at hiding it yet after Jimin it's like the walls that hid that side of him crumbled and now he doesn't know what to do.

He's been thinking that a lot actually... thinking about what he should and is going to do. He decides he should just do what old him does: train, fight, and be stoical -- endure his pain and hardships without showing his feelings or complaining.

It's all he knows so why not?

"Of course you aren't Minho-ssi! Real men do not give up! One day you'll see, young master Jeon has or so I hope..."

The older man raises a brow as he eyes Jungkook's face, searching for any hint of someone that's given up.

He doesn't find it and Jungkook realizes that he thought wrong, he still hasn't given up -- He _can't._ It's not in him to do so and therefore he won't. He won't give up...

But what is it exactly that he's not giving up on?

*

    *

It's so cold, unbearably cold as the winter air makes its way inside the window over the bathtub.

There's dried blood on the bathtub floor, dried blood on Jimin's pale bruised skin and mildew smelling clothes that continuously make him gag even when there's nothing to throw up -- when he can't throw up.

Jimin's been sitting in the bathtub for about two days now. He's trembling from the freezing air and his whole body aches of hunger and soreness since he can't move or stretch out, the rope bonded around his rubbed out wrist continued to remind him of the fact.

The fact that he can't just get up and end everything.

End all the pain and the hurt and the sorrow -- end everything he's done or caused. All the mistakes he's made, all the hurt he's caused...

The thought... the thought of dying doesn't scare him anymore. In fact he realizes now that it never scared him -- The thought of ending all the goals he's worked towards scares him but he knows he'll never reach those goals, he has no motivation and death is all he can think about... something in him hopes that it'll come soon and hopefully naturally so he won't have to do it himself.

He _really_ doesn't want to do it himself... and something else in him also hopes he won't have to either. The sane side of his conscious hopes that everything will be okay and someone -- _anyone..._ hopefully Jungkook... will save him and stop him... _stop this._

He knows that'll never happen. No one will ever save him, _especially_ not Jungkook who he's hurt over and over. He doesn't believe he's worth being saved after realizing that and it makes his heart hurt even more but he can't cry anymore. His body cant produce tears anymore since he's been crying for the past two days with Taeyang shouting from the bedroom for him to shut up and he, himself begging for Taeyang to _just_ let him out so he can _end everything._

_"P-Please Taeyang! It's so c-c-cold... p-p-please let me out!"_

**_Ignore._ **

_"Please... why are you doing this!?"_

**_Ignore._ **

_"I'm so-so sorry... f-for whatever I did! Please l-let me out--"_

**_"Shut up!"_ **

Taeyang had finally responded and Jimin's cries and begs continued until Taeyang eventually got tired of saying shut up and hearing his cracked, warn out voice.

 _"Please!"_ Jimin had finally croaked out and Taeyang busted through the bathroom door a minute later, blunt (filled with god knows what) in his mouth and duck tape in his hand as he flicked the light on and filled the dark room.

_"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up!? Huh?!"_

He had grabbed Jimin tightly by his chin, lifting his face up roughly and forcing him to look up at him; there was no remorse in his dark angry eyes.

_"Do you want the cops to be at my door!? Huh?! You want me in jail don't you!?"_

Jimin had shook his head, biting his lip tightly, trying to hold back the sob as Taeyang pushed his head away hard.

_"Well then shut the fuck up! Some old bitch already came to the door complaining and asking me questions! And you're still crying!  You know what? I'll make you shut up..."_

Taeyang had then ripped off a piece of duck tape, ignoring Jimin's please for him not to.

_"No! No! P-Please! T-Taeyang! I-I'm sorry! I'm soooo sorry..."_

Taeyang's movements didn't fault as he taped Jimin's mouth shut, wrapping it around his head and pulling his hair painfully.

He had then left after that, once again leaving Jimin alone in the dark room with his muffled cries and powerless soul.

Two days later he was still here. He hasn't slept since it's too cold to do so, his clothes are still moist and held an awful stench, his nose was runny and stuffed making his breathing hard since Taeyang hadn't come back to take it off -- actually Taeyang hadn't come back at all... not even to use the bathroom or yell at Jimin for still managing to cry through the bindings.

Eventually Jimin stopped crying and he hopes when Taeyang finally comes in he'll see him dead.

Sadly, that's not the case.

Taeyang busts through the bathroom later that day, dressed warmly and Jimin's stares up at him through tired, sick, and envious (of his warmth) eyes that he could barely open at this point. He looks like he's proud Jimin notices as he looks at the man/'s (he thought he could once love) face. Jimin didn't understand why he was proud -- what here was there to be proud of!?

 _Nothing._ Not him, definitely not him --

_Yes you! Remember?! You deserve this... you deserve to die._

Jimin has accepted his death.

*  * *

Taeyang looks over at Jimin with a smirk, noting the way the smaller's body shook what he assumed was terror.

It reminds him of all his exes, they all looked at him with the same scared eyes after he beat them but something about Jimin was alluring, it was as if the fright in his eyes and in his body language belonged there -- as if he was use to it and Taeyang loved that. He loved the power he never felt when he was younger -- the challenge! -- so he'd do things to Jimin that surprised him and made him feel weak, for example this. Jimin hadn't expected him to throw him in the bathtub and just leave him locked in here yet he did. And by the surprise on his face -- the vulnerability-- it just made Taeyang want to break Jimin down to the core by hurting him even more and exposing him to his fullest.

"Can I take a picture baby? You look so pretty like this..."

Of course Jimin immediately shook his head no, his eyes actually widening in fright as Taeyang pulled out a camera.

"I bought this from a friend and I think we're gonna have so much fun with it... make better videos with it... don't you think so?"

Jimin's mind blanks out to a time where they were having sex and all of a sudden there was a flash on him.

_It was the first sex they had since Jimin had moved in and he expected it to be romantic for some reason, not for Taeyang to snatch his clothes off and lay him face front on bed._

He remembers now that he felt so exposed, and flash backs of the time with his rapist were coming back in full force just by the position.

It didn't help when Taeyang slid in either, instead just making it worse, the feeling was so uncomfortable as Taeyang held his back down hard and fucked him harder.

 _"Taeyang are you almost close?" Jimin had groaned, his hands shaking as he attempted to hold up his body (_ which at the time actually held some weight _)._

_"No... a lil more baby you're you're. so. fucking. tight," he said with every rough thrust, Jimin's mouth wide open in pain as his hands gave out and he fell to the bed on his cheek._

_Taeyang had just took that as a good sign -- as if Jimin was enjoying it -- placing his big hand on Jimin's back and holding him down so he could fuck him deeper._

_"This angle is good isn't it?" He had groaned after hearing Jimin's loud anguish (painful) cries with every one._

_Jimin was on the verge of tears as Taeyang grabbed his phone laying beside them on the bed. Jimin got a glance of him grabbing it and began to sit up._

_"Taeyang?"_

_A flash was suddenly on his back and his body froze._

_"Taeyang what are you doing? Why--"_

_"It's okay calm down baby it's for me to see and only me okay?"_

_"Are you sure? You promise you won't show anyone?"_

_"Of course I won't show anyone you're all mine..."_

_He lifted Jimin up and kissed his cheek, all while caressing Jimin's hip and ass soothingly, yet instead of making Jimin calm it just made him even more anxious._

_Taeyang asked okay again, looking at Jimin with those expected eyes and instead of disagreeing Jimin nodded, his body pushed back onto the bed as Taeyang started recording and thrusting into him hard._

_"Yeah just like that baby..."_

Taeyang did that a lot, took pictures of him when they were having sex, took videos and close ups of him sliding in and out of Jimin, calling him all kind of names because people _like_ that stuff.

Jimin had realized then that Taeyang _had_ to be showing other people the footage on his phone.

_"Why do you keep calling me a s-slut...? I promised you I won't cheat on you..." Jimin spoke quietly one night after sex to Taeyang who's eyes were on their recent video watching the way he called Jimin a slut while spanking his ass hard -- Jimin's body and face clenching uncomfortably at the view, so he averted his gaze and pulled himself out of Taeyang's grip._

_Taeyang huffed. "Baby people like dirty talk okay? And I know you promised, you better keep that promise too."_

He had looked towards Jimin with testing eyes and at the time Jimin had assumed it was jealousy but now that he thinks about that time he knows it was far more hidden behind those eyes.

_"I'm not... but... but what do you mean people like dirty talk? Are you showing people that? Taeyang you promised you wouldn't!" Jimin sat up on his knees and placed his shaky palms in his lap as he looked up at Taeyang disappointedly._

_Taeyang rolled his eyes. "Baby no one knows it's you okay? I never uploaded any pictures of your face just the videos and they're all ass shots so chill--"_

_"But--"_

_"Jimin."_

_Taeyang's tone was testing but Jimin wasn't having it._

_"Im not comfortable with people seeing me like that Taeyang... you promised and I trusted you..."_

_Taeyang had stared at him hard and at the time Jimin wasn't scared to look him right back in the eyes._

_"Fine. I won't show anyone."_

Jimin never trusted him.

"Hm baby? Don't you want to make more videos with me? My friends miss seeing you..."

Jimin shakes his head no and Taeyang pouts, leaning down to turn Jimin's face towards him.

Jimin clenches his eyes shut and Taeyang smacks his tongue.

"Cmon now baby don't be difficult, open those pretty eyes for me."

Jimin doesn't know what drug Taeyang is on right now but it makes him oddly calm -- or so he thought.

"Open your eyes Jimin."

Jimin continued to keep them clenched shut until Taeyang slapped him.

"See I didn't want to have to do that, but I see nothing has changed and you still haven't learned..."

 _"Learned what?!"_ Jimin internally screamed.

_To respect him. After he's taken care of you for so long the least you can do is that!_

"I'm gonna ask one more time Jimin okay? Turn my way and open your eyes okay?"

Jimin does just that.

"Mm... so pretty."

Taeyang shows him the picture and he sees nothing pretty about the sight of his dirty, bloody body tied up to bathtub, his eyes wide in fright as the flash hits them.

"So sad... so disgusting. You fucking smell."

Jimin looks down at the insult and Taeyang rolls his eyes.

"I think you need another shower to get this smell off of you, don't you think so too?"

Jimin hurriedly shakes his head no but it's too late, Taeyang has already placed the camera back in his pocket then goes to turn on the cold water again.

Jimin's body shakes and he attempts to pull it away at the first hit of icy cold water on his body.

He cries again for the first time in three days and his tears are hot as they rush down his face along with the run from his nose.

"Is that too cold for you baby?" Taeyang questions rhetorically, watching the way Jimin furiously nodded, crying through the tape covering his mouth.

"Yeah it is? Well that's just too bad."

Taeyang doesn't know why he gets satisfaction out of seeing people hurting and in pain, maybe it's because when he was a kid he would get sent with his uncle Daesuk and the man would do things to him... unspeakable things. His parents never believed him when he told them so -- when he told them _"uncle touched me" --_ when he showed them the marks the man had left on him! They'd tell him nothing happened and he was fine, Your uncle loves you...

It went on for years and he eventually fell into depression and a deep anger -- he hated both his parents and his uncle. He went crazy, they didn't know how to stop him from lashing out on them and from staying out all night getting wasted -- from leaving them when they found out what he once told them about Daesuk was actually the truth.

 _"Mom... dad... Uncle touched me..."_ Taeyang remembers the day he told them. He was only 5 when it first happened, when his uncle first touched him down there.

 _"Touched you how?"_ His dad had asked, voice curious with an underlying shock. Taeyang remembers his mother's wide unbelieving eyes.

_"On my potty parts..."_

He remembers the shock on their face, he remembers how his mother immediately called her brother Daesuk and demanded answers, he remembers how... how Daesuk told her he was just helping him use the toilet because he was constipated and they believed him, his mother cooing.

_"Oh yeah he gets like that. I usually hold his hand but he must've been shy with another guy huh? Uncle was just helping you okay? Uncle loves you a lot doesn't he?"_

_"Yes son men don't touch each other down there for fun so it shows your uncle loves you a lot if he helped you go potty doesn't it?"_

Taeyang had nodded then, even though deep down he knew the way his uncle touched him wasn't helping at all. He remembers he hated himself for not being able to tell them and instead it just kept going on.

He remembers when Daesuk hit him for telling and it left a mark on him. He told his parents that he fell yet it was obvious by the way Taeyang was oddly quiet and fidgety that that want what happened at all.

He couldn't tell though, he knew they wouldn't believe him and for the longest he didn't, he didn't tell -- he didn't have to because eventually he got old enough so he could say no to going to his uncles.

Yet even though the abuse stopped he was still affected deeply. He hated everyone and he told his parents often, they'd ask what they did to deserve his hate and he'd tell they knew.

_"You knew what was going on! You knew what he did to me!"_

_"What are you talking about son!?"_

_"Please put the bottle down Taeyang we're sorry! We love you! That's all we ever did-- we-we always loved you!"_

Taeyang remembers the way his mother cried seeing him drinking himself down, he remembers how he shouted at them both -- he remembers the look of shock on their face.

_"If you loved me then why didn't you listen to me! Why'd you send me back to him after I told you -- I told you... I told you he touched me..."_

Taeyang remembers that night he had left and they attempted many times to reach out to him but he was way in Seoul by then, by the time they found out the truth...

Daesuk was in jail for the rape of a 14 year old boy, a boy that once use to be their son.

Taeyang always wondered who the boy was, he was sad for them -- sad that they had to go through what he went through.

He believed Jimin didn't understand that... unknowing that Jimin was _that_ boy.

Unknowing that Jimin went through what he did exactly...

"This is nothing compared to what I went through! I use to get hot baths that hid all the traces of him on me! _This_ is nothing! Do you want to feel what I felt?"

Tears spilled down Jimins face hot and heavy, his breath ragged and heart beating out of his chest as he shook his head -- as he wondered what Taeyang was talking about.

_"Hid all traces of him..."_

Could Taeyang possibly have went through the same thing he did?

"I think you want to feel that don't you?" Taeyang's hand went to turn the cold water to hot, yet Jimin's wide petrified eyes (that reminded him of his own at one point -- _of hers)_ stopped him. He turned the water off.

"Nobody knows why I'm so angry, why I'm so upset all the time...  nobody knows what he use to do to me... but now you have an idea don't you?" Taeyang's voice was quiet and a sadness was hidden behind the sadistic tone.

Jimin watched as he smiled a little, and then turned to leave out the bathroom.

Jimin remained quiet even though he wanted to scream from the feeling of exhaustion and wet, bloody, and smelly shirt clinging to his skin, his hair all in his eyes and his thoughts all over the place.

_Who did this to Taeyang? Who made him like this?_

_"Why do I feel so bad -- so sorry for him? After he's done all this to me..."_

Taeyang comes back soon and this time he has a water bottle and crackers.

"I think you've learned your lesson..." the water bottle in Taeyang's hand makes Jimin's stomach ache even more since he hasn't eaten since he was with Jungkook... after he threw up and Jungkook took such good care of him.

"You're hungry aren't you?" He asks and Jimin stares up at him with unsure eyes, nodding once.

"That's too bad... you know he use to starve me? I'd get sent to his house and he'd tell me everyday that I was a fat ass... He'd record me... he'd beat me and I'd tell my parents and they... they never believed me. That's probably why I have trust issues now," he chuckles and Jimin doesn't think anything is funny, in fact everything Taeyang said happened to him he turned around and did right to Jimin.

Jimin really thought he hated Taeyang yet now he just feels pity, he feels so sorry for Taeyang and everything he had to go through with ' _him'._

He realizes maybe that's the reason Taeyang is the way he is now and Jimin can't find it in him to be angry.

"Jimin why'd you have to hurt me? You were always so sweet to me and didn't judge me for anything... I thought you were so devoted to me and you promised... you promised me you'd never cheat on me but you did and I'll admit it hurt but it didn't hurt as much as you telling me you hate me."

Jimin averts his gaze, noticing the way Taeyang has sobered up quite a bit.

"Haha... who am I? You have every right to hate me. I hated him so much when he did everything I do to you. I want to be sorry but I know it's too late and I know you can't forgive me..."

Jimin turns back towards him quickly and shakes his head.

Taeyang looks at him confused for a second before pulling the tape off of his lips.

Jimin tastes blood as he winces, his voice groggily as he begins to speak.

"I-I can... I can forgive you."

Taeyang scoffs. "Even after this?"

Jimin nods, his body, arms especially, aching uncomfortably with every movement.

"You've always been so forgiving... sucks because even if you do forgive me I still can't forgive myself. I still want to hate you and hurt you for hurting me even when you had every right to do so... every right and I hate the fact. I hate the fact that you're so forgiving when you know I've done wrong... I hate that all the forgiving ones are the ones that end everything..." Taeyang's eyes on him watches every movement.

"I had a girlfriend once... my first real girlfriend and I thought she loved me... but then she cheated on me," Taeyang nods to himself as he thinks about the time, a chuckle falling out his lips.

"I was so in love with her and then she went and did that to me... haha I had never laid a finger on her ever but something in me snapped and I was so angry... I beat the shit out of her."

Taeyang looks back at Jimin and Jimin bites his bottom lip, feeling his stomach turn in what he thinks is uncomfortableness but really it both that and hunger.

"I beat her so bad she could barely see and I didn't stop even as she said sorry. Eventually I did though, I stopped and I said sorry but I knew things would never be okay. She was terrified of me but she learned her lesson and she told me she'd never cheat again and she'd forgive me for for beating her. I believed her... for once I believed in someone. The next morning I found her dead from an overdose."

Jimin gulps, watching as Taeyang stared down at him, his eyes filled with no emotion as he walked out the bathroom again.

He comes back soon again with a knife in his hand and Jimin's eyes widen.

_"This is it... he's going to kill me for hurting him."_

_If he does you deserve it._

Jimin is scared but he doesn't disagree with his conscious this time, _he deserves it._

Surprisingly Taeyang doesn't do anything with the knife but cut the rope tied to Jimin's wrist, effectively freeing him.

Jimin lets out a quiet and slightly surprised sigh even though he can barely feel his arms at this point and his wrists are rubbed raw and bloody. He's relieved until Taeyang squats beside him and his heart race picks up again at the fact that the knife is still in the older's hand.

"It makes sense... you know she probably killed her self because she knew she was unfaithful and she knew she'd cheat on me again and probably didn't want to receive a beating like that again. Haha doesn't it make sense?" Taeyang talks to him as if they're best friends, his dull eyes sparkling at his thoughts.

Jimin nods just so _he_ wouldn't receive that beating, even though he has a big feeling the reason why the girl killed her self was most likely because she was scared and tired... kind of like him.

"You know... I thought I could love you? I really did... but even after years had past I still couldn't replace her even though you reminded me of her so much..." Taeyang places the knife down and opens the crackers, Jimin watching his every movement with worrying eyes.

Taeyang hands Jimin a cracker and Jimin reluctantly takes it, his arms weak as he moves the cracker even more reluctant towards his lips, biting down on it timidly.

_Why are you eating!? This is not helping you die!_

Jimin halts at his conscious but Taeyang is watching him, a smirk appearing on his serious face.

"I can't have you starving to death now can I?"

Jimin looks down and nods once as he consumes the cracker whole.

"You thirsty?"

Jimin looks up at Taeyang and nods, his palms holding his knees against his chest anxiously.

_"Why is Taeyang acting like this?! Why is he being... caring?"_

_Because he cares about you!_

Jimin shakes his head at that, face contorted in confusion.

Taeyang doesn't take notice of Jimin's internal conflict at all, instead he places his large palm on Jimin's soft cheek -- noting the way Jimin flinches hard and the action reminds him of _her_ once again -- of _himself_ actually...

He guides the water bottle to Jimin's lips and Jimin cautiously begins to drink until he's swallowing it down to the last drop.

He feels woozy afterwards and he blames it on the dehydration.

"You want to end it too don't you?" Taeyang suddenly asks him and Jimin can't think, for some reason his mind seems suddenly jumbled up and as his eyes begin to droop he realizes that Taeyang must've put something in his water.

"You want to leave me after I've taking such good care of you? Right! Don't you?"

Jimin stares up at him with his drowsy eyes as he attempts to shake his head.

_"How does he know!?"_

"Aish... that's too bad. This is forever baby. You won't leave me like her and nobody else will take you from me. You're mine forever."

_Forever..._

As Jimin's eyes completely shut he realizes he had never been so scared of a forever in his life... a forever his heart once fluttered at was now just another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You probably didn't expect that did you? It's crazy I know but I hope I haven't thrown you off too much and I hope you understand this situation (Taeyang's especially) a little more now and why it's like this (why he's like that). Now you see why I haven't just killed him off right? Haha he's a big part of this story guys.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read end note xx

_"Kick harder! Faster!"_

_Jungkook's legs were burning in soreness as he heaved, repeatedly kicking his dad's geared up palms._

_"Don't slow down! If you slow down you'll give them an opportunity to do this!"_

_The next thing 14 year old Jungkook knows is that he's on the mat, his head pounding from the impact._

_"Cmon get up! Quick!"_

_"I-I'm tired... I can't do it anymore! It hurts..."_

_Jungkook's father's eyes widened in rage._

_"It hurts!? So what? You give up!? Didn't I tell you to never give up! And here you are giving up... again!?"_

_Jungkook stares at his bruised foot in thought. He didn't want the give up and give his father the right to call him a loser --_ **_weak._ **

_He HATED being weak. He knows he isn't weak!_

_"You're gonna be WEAK and pussy out again son?! You're gonna let them knock you out_ **_again_ ** _!?"_

_Jungkook shook his head, sweaty hair falling into his face as he clenched his teeth shut, trying not to let out the angry cry he was holding in._

_He was really beginning to hate the word again... he hated starting over._

_"Then get up and try harder! Again, again, and again till it's perfect!"_  


Jungkook feels like he's not only been slacking on his skills but his health as well and it sucks because he doesn't know what to do about it. Ever since he and Jimin reunited he hasn't been sleeping right, often staying up at night to think about the other and wondering what he was up to and lately is he okay... Jungkook knows he's not. Of course he knows but he can only hope even if he tells himself he doesn't want anything to do with Jimin he still hopes the other is safe...

Even so Jungkook himself is exhausted he continues to train by going to the gym or using the Dojang when it's empty instead of resting. He comes to the conclusion that maybe that's the reason why he's been slacking in his skills, because _he's tired._

He's tired and it's a tired sleep won't fix... probably because he _can't_ sleep... yet what could he do? He'd have to get over it like he does everything else -- _ignore it._

Today during class Jungkook decided to push himself very hard even though he was obviously exhausted. His teacher even asked him was he okay and he answered with a quick nod and began to stretch.

He felt like he had already split too much detail about himself and his life to the old man and even though he never judged Jungkook, he still felt uncomfortable -- _disappointed! Angry! --_ with himself for doing so... _for letting someone else see some of the real him too_.

Jungkook knows he's becoming his old self again, he knows he's falling back into that bubble of isolation and independence and he's not sure whether he appreciates the fact or not because honestly he began to get use to the idea of not being alone.

Too bad the idea was just that, an idea... he was alone again and he should be happy because this is what he wants right? This is what he came here for, to be alone and to focus on _himself._

Yet why does his throat tighten at the thought; his heart clenching at the feeling of loneliness again, the feeling of want.

Deep down he knows what he wants but he doesn't want to accept it, he can't he doesn't want to get hurt again because he's already been hurt more than twice but two alone by the one person who _still_ holds his heart. He wants Jimin but Jimin didn't want him and he still can't handle knowing that, so he pushes himself to ignore what he knows by training hard for his upcoming fight -- So hard he could feel it in his muscles as he spars alone with a punching bag.

Kicking it over, again, again, and again until it's _perfect_.

It sucks because the only thing in his life that he ever saw as perfect was Jimin, sadly again for them kept getting worse rather than better and he wasn't sure if he wanted to try again with Jimin _ever --_ if he could of course, yet it was probably unlikely after what happened.

The thought of what happened... it made Jungkook's blood rush in anger, and he kicked the bag harder -- imagining that it was Taeyang.

He wished he would've down something then but Jimin didn't want him to, he realizes now why. Jimin obviously still cared about Taeyang -- more than him obviously if it was enough to leave him.

That thought made him feel so hurt and if you can feel hurt then you can feel weakness right? He didn't know... that's what his father taught him... he knows it's not true yet he hates himself for still believing now out of all the times, that it is, that he's weak.

He _hates_ being weak. Why does he suddenly feel like that? Even with the amount of times his father has called him weak he's never felt _this_ weak... at least not since the first time Jimin had left.

Something goes off in Jungkook and he swallows it down.

Jimin left again.... is that the reason why he feels this way? Is that the reason why he feels so weak?

He doesn't know, and he doesn't understand! Because... Jimin usually makes him feel so strong and good...

_When he's there._

He's not there... he's not _here..._

_Why does being away from Jimin always make him feel so weak?_

Why can't he get over it? Why can't he give up?

"Keep kicking like that and you'll owe yourself a new foot... and me a new bag..."

Jungkook's foot stops mid air at the sound of the grandmaster's voice behind him. He drops his foot and catches his breath, feeling the sweat pile up on his forehead as he notices everyone watching him; some seem taken aback, others, mostly the higher ranking males look envious.

He doesn't know why, because to his father all those kicks would've been seen as _weak._

"Sorry..."

"It's fine. I would tell you there's no need to apologize yet I noticed that it didn't sound like it was truly meant for me anyways."

Jungkook eyes the grandmaster wearily and the old man is just smiling, mouth tight and eyes thin, gleaming in knowledge. The other students look between him and Jungkook curiously.

"Don't over think it too much though just come follow me young Jeon. I have an announcement to make."

Jungkook sighs and removes his hand gear before following the grandmaster back to we're everyone was already waiting.

"As you all know competitions are coming up..."

Everyone's either a nods yes or answers, Jungkook stays silent all while staring at his right foot which is marked with a red print from the impact of repeatedly kicking; it reminds him of younger him.

"I've noticed... you all seem a little anxious and you shouldn't be. You should anticipate of course but you shouldn't worry, that's the last thing you should do and I know that sounds a little insensitive of me to say. But I understand what all of you are going through--"

_No you don't._

The thought comes to Jungkook's brain on instinct even if he knows that what he's going through has nothing to do with Taekwondo. He brushes it away, the feeling of helplessness (hopelessness), and crosses his arms; a stern look on his face as he listens to the grandmaster speak.

"I'm a fighter too. You can always rely on me when you're having problems or just if you feel stressed whether it be with fighting or just personal problems. I understand, I've been there..."

_But have you really?_

Jungkook feels irritated with himself for not being able to concentrate and for doubting all the teacher's words. It just shows how much he truly had been affected in these last few weeks because he's _never_ been like this -- doubtful! He's never been doubtful, he's never felt helpless... he hates these new feeling because he's so used to being strong and confident.

So why does he feel so broken?

"As a fighter I had my own personal problems which I learned to manage of course but before that I never accepted the fact that I had problems and I'd ignore them or pretend I didn't. I'd ignore everything that didn't have to do with fighting, so my family, my friends, school... I ruined a lot of relationships because of how focused on fighting I was. Eventually though those actions took a toll on me and I became very lonely, depressed, and unhealthy. It interfered with my fighting and I lost a lot."

This time Jungkook can't find anything to question or doubt the grandmaster on, in fact all he can think of is how the old man's information reminds him of himself especially the ignoring and pretending part. He still does that even now...

"Don't be like me. Please manage your problems so they won't discourage you and interfere with your fighting. And if you're worried about not winning a competition, or stressed about fighting then maybe Taekwondo is the problem. Remember... this is not for everyone, you shouldn't be worried about not winning. You should never doubt yourself or others, especially your or their abilities. Everyone's different, everyone has hidden skills and surprises... everyone's going through things, whether you can relate to them or not, whether you understand... at least know."

The doubting part goes through straight through Jungkook's ear and it feels like a slap to his brain, a wake up call screaming at him.

_Even if you don't understand... at least know! You know! ...you know what he's going through. You can relate... you definitely can't understand but you know... and what do you do?_

_"What can I do?"_

Jungkook keeps asking himself that question, what can he do about his fighting, himself, Jimin...

_What else is there to do?_

There's still hope in him, of course there is yet he doesn't know what to do with it... other than to continue hoping.

"You, yourself should of course focus on you but don't be opposed to understanding and helping others while you do so. It'll make you a better and stronger being."

Jungkook wants to laugh at that, for once something that should sound very wise to him is actually very funny.

Understanding and helping others... he tried to understand that obviously didn't work, and he also tried to help yet that was unwanted... his help was unwanted and sadly all both facts did was make him feel like a weak human being.

He _knows_ he isn't weak though... yet how does he stop the feeling? The feeling... _of feeling_ **_weak_**.

"Overall, you must have high mental stability along with your physical ability to handle all of this together and young masters if you are serious about Taekwondo having a health mentor or trainer in the long run, especially during competition time, who can watch your health and help you keep your body in check isn't essential but they're very handy and I'd advise you to sign up for one. There's a program here at the university that's paying nutritionists, health trainers, and nurses to work with all students majoring in a form of martial arts so please attempt to look in it if you're interested. I had one when I use to fight in tournaments and he was very needed and comforting at times and eventually we became very good friends so they can help in a friendly aspect as well as managing both your physical and mental health."

 _"A mentor?"_ Jungkook can feel his eyebrows furrow in thought.

The only mentor he's ever had was his own parents. He's barely getting the chance to take care of himself without them watching and telling him what to eat, what to do, and how to do it. At first he assumed that everything would be easy enough as long as he kept up the strict routine that he was used to -- the one his parents had him set into doing for years: enough sleep, a healthy breakfast, school, extreme training, a healthy dinner, run said healthy dinner off, lastly sleep, and repeat. That was the routine he had then, now he still does the same or at least he tries. It's not his fault that he can't sleep and ramen is easier to cook than a healthy shake or salad.

_Lazy or unmotivated?_

He's not sure what he's becoming and he doesn't want to know, all he wants is a change because if his parents were to see him now they'd be so disappointed with how off track he's become. Therefore he definitely needs to get right back on track and he's not quite sure where to begin because managing these feelings and his health lately has been difficult. He's confused, he's angry, he tired.... maybe he should look into this whole mentoring thing. Because honestly, would it be so bad to have someone who can help him _manage?_

_"No it wouldn't... it wouldn't and it doesn't sound bad at all..."_

After class ends Jungkook waits till everyone has left and immediately goes up to the grandmaster who is in his office. Before he can even ask the old man speaks.

"Ah Mr. Jeon I take it you want to sign up for a mentor?"

Jungkook's bites the inside of his cheek, feeling slightly embarrassed that the grandmaster knows he actually wants help -- he admits he wants help!

"Um yes..."

"I noticed you especially seem a bit off. Is everything okay?"

_No._

"Fine... Everything is... fine."

Jungkook's throat suddenly feels dry with the question and with the way the teacher eyes him knowingly.

"Hm. Okay... so are my takes correct then? Would you like to sign up for a mentor?"

Jungkook is pleased that the old man doesn't push the fact that he's obviously not _fine._

"Yeah. I think it's what I need right now..."

"Ah really why do you think that?"

Jungkook swallows uncomfortably. Though the teacher only asked and technically isn't forcing him to explain he still wants to tell the truth, yet he hates opening up -- he's so brainwashed into believing opening up is a sign of weakness.

"Like you said... I seem off and I am."

The grandmaster glances up from his lesson plan notes and eyes Jungkook.

"Any particular reason for that?"

Jungkook shrugs. "No I've just been getting lazy and I want to get back on track mentally and physically. I think it'll be easier to stay focused if I have someone who can help me."

_Jimin helped you... Jimin (when you two were young) use to always encourage you, uplift you, and sneak to all your games and competitions even though he knew your parents disliked him and he knew you couldn't couldn't come thank him afterwards._

Jungkook doesn't know why his conscious is suddenly reminding him of Jimin... _that_ Jimin. It surprisingly doesn't make him mad yet it reminds him -- it shows him how much Jimin has changed. He misses Jimin.

_He can't admit it though. He won't._

The grandmaster hums in understanding. "Ah yes... help is nice. Nice people who want you to stay focused and be successful are always needed. Though I think this will be good for you I also think there is more to what you're telling me..."

Jungkook doesn't know how to respond and even as the older looks down away from him and at the papers, Jungkook still feels like the man can read him clearly. Way clearer than his own father and maybe even his mother who oddly had always been great at reading him even if they had no relationship whatsoever with each other.

"Well yes but I don't want to talk about it I want to get over it..." Jungkook says. looking down at his running nikes.

"I have a feeling what you want to get over has to do with that childhood friend of yours. Am I right?"

Now _technically_ the grandmaster is prodding into his life by asking this yet why can't Jungkook seem to mind?

_Probably because talking to someone about things is actually a relief and it feels good, rather than holding everything in._

Jungkook doesn't admit that either though.

"What gives you that feeling?" Jungkook questions, nonchalantly, instead of answering.

"Your mood still hasn't shifted from the personality it was a few days ago when you talked about him so I assumed he still must be on your mind... whatever is happening between you two is bothering you and you believe it's interfering with your fighting and health right?"

Jungkook stares dumbfounded at the old man before finally just sighing.

"It is. I know it is..."

"Is it really interfering or are you letting it?"

"Of course I'm not _letting_ it! I just... I can't get my mind off of... him... us and what happened..."

Once again Jungkook feels weak and he wants to hate it, he wants to scold himself for it but he can't bring himself to do so.

"Then don't."

The grandmaster shrugs like it's simple and Jungkook stares unbelievably at him.

" _Don't_?"

"Don't force yourself to ignore and forget something your heart obviously doesn't want you to."

Jungkook scoffs. "You don't know what my heart wants--"

"I don't. I don't know what happened and I don't know what your heart truly wants but you Jungkook ah, you do. You need to figure it out but I'm telling you your brain and heart works together. If you feel that way mentally then it must add up in the heart as well."

Jungkook frowns because it does, it's a clenching in his chest that won't go away every time he thinks of how Jimin isn't by his side.

"Don't give up on something or someone that motivates and drives you, everyone's going through things yet I feel like if whatever happened between you two didn't happen you wouldn't have came into my office right now to ask for help..."

"Well I wouldn't have needed help if whatever happened with me and him didn't happen--"

"Or so you believe."

Jungkook glares. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The bald man ignores the question. "So you're admitting to me he's the reason you can't focus on your health and skills, you care about him so much that whatever happened between the two of you bothers you so much that you're willing to seek help even though it's not in you to do something like that--"

"Yea-- What?! No! I-I..." Jungkook can't but his feelings into words, all his facades have dropped into the 18 year old boy he truly is and he's truly dumbfounded once again but he knows now why he can't get over it, why he can't give up... on Jimin.

He cares so much and it bothers him _so much_ that he does -- that he wants to fix what happened! Deep down he knows he doesn't want to ignore it, he doesn't want to ignore Jimin... he doesn't want to give up, he wants to help but he doesn't know how.

"It shows you something doesn't it. It shows you how much you still care right? Then why give up?"

 _Yes. It does..._ of course he still cares. He knows he'll never stop. Deep down he knows -- just by asking for help right now and training -- he hasn't given up on himself, what he's here for, or Jimin -- especially not Jimin.

He's tired of course, of running in circles -- of starting over with Jimin but Jimin's his friend first, before anything and even if he's hurt Jungkook they can always start over (if the chance comes, he still thinks it's unlikely) _as friends._ It won't be easy but he knows he can't stand it, the feeling of being worried and separated from Jimin, it's taking a toll on him mentally and physically... He just hopes Jimin hasn't given up on him, their friendship, and in return his own self.

Jungkook doesn't answer what he thinks but that's enough proof for the grandmaster to know he's right.

"...how'd you know it's not in me to ask for help?"

The old man purses his lips as an old tea stained smile takes over. "That's one thing you have in common with your father. During our training time I noticed he never asked for help, during your time here learning from me you never directly ask for my help."

_Oh. He's right._

Jungkook suddenly feels bad because it's not like he thinks he's too good to ask for help it's just...

"My father use to tell me if I asked for his help then I'm unsure of whatever skill I was questioning and I wasn't confident in myself..."

The old man makes a face. "Well everyone is self conscious about some things... nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean you're un confident either it just means you're confident enough to know when you need help. It takes courage to ask and it's better to do so, so that you fix what you think isn't up to par rather than losing because you didn't."

"I never thought about it that way... it makes sense. Thank you..." Jungkook smiles for the first time in days; it's small but it's genuine. "For everything. I'll ask for help more sabeomnim..."

The grandmaster nods pleased at that. "Yes please do... with anything." He suddenly smiles, a cheeky old man grin. "Now... should we set you up a meeting with a mentor?"

Jungkook nods, his own smile widening.

*  
*

When Jimin wakes up he's alone in the warm bedroom, and on the bed fully naked. He doesn't know how long he's slept for yet his body still aches of exhaustion.

The feeling becomes worse when he tries to sit up and at this point -- with how bad he feels -- he's surprised that he's even alive.

He's _sad_ that he's still alive and he can't even hate himself for it -- for thinking that maybe forever wouldn't happen, maybe this was finally it. Maybe he'd die in his sleep and then he won't have to worry about Taeyang's beatings or how much Jungkook probably hates him.

"Oh finally you're up."

Jimin jumps at the sound of Taeyang's voice. It's calm yet it still puts Jimin on edge... it still scares him and he's not even sure if Taeyang's sober or not; it's not like it matters though, if Taeyang is sober or not, because he's still a sick human being either way and that's what scares Jimin.

"It's been two days and your phone keeps going off," Taeyang takes a puff out of the cigarette he's holding and the smell makes Jimin want to gag. "I think your little friends and the school are worried about you... I don't know why though it's not like you're something important that they should be worrying about."

Jimin tries not to let Taeyang's words get to him because he already knows. He knows he's not important. He himself doesn't know why he has such worrying, caring friends because honestly he didn't think he deserved them.

_They shouldn't care about someone like him..._

"I-If... if I'm not important then why won't you just let me go?" Jimin's voice is cracked, bitter from sleep, and honestly the softest it's ever been with the slight hint of a plead.

He's not trying to make Taeyang angry, he really doesn't want to make Taeyang angry because he knows if Taeyang beats him now he probably won't be able to take and he doesn't want to die from getting beaten... yet he's truly curious as to why Taeyang won't just let him go.

Taeyang who's standing at the edge of the bed with Jimin's phone in one hand and cigarette burning in the other looks back at Jimin who's laying on his side, head on the pillow and staring straight ahead. His eyes seem completely dazed, as if he was out of it at this point and it was probably the drugs still in his system; Taeyang's honestly surprised at the fact that Jimin didn't ask why he drugged him.

Maybe he didn't care, Taeyang thinks and the true reality is he didn't -- he doesn't, he doesn't care _anymore_ and Taeyang loves the fact.

It makes him believe that he can do anything he wants to Jimin -- which he's kind of been doing already, just now it was as if Jimin truly didn't mind and if he did he was too broken to do anything about it anyways.

Taeyang smirks at that. _Too broken._

He's broken Jimin and now Jimin feels what he felt... now Jimin knows.

"Let you go? Haha... do you really want to go? Huh baby? Don't you want to stay here with me forever? Aren't you sure you just want to sleep a little bit more... takes some more drugs and just forget the world?"

Jimin realizes now that Taeyang is definitely high off of something, probably cocaine Jimin guesses by the redness of Taeyang's nostrils.

"Let me take more pictures of you like this and send them to your friends... show them that you're just fine... _perfectly_ fine huh baby?"

Jimin shudders at the thought of them seeing him like this, all lifeless and even more disgusting. They'll worry he knows for sure and he _really_ doesn't want them to. They didn't need him in their lives -- they didn't need _that_ image of him in their lives, especially not Jin who he hadn't seen in a whole year, Jin who believes Jimin is upset with him since he ignores all his worried texts. Jimin didn't want to ignore them yet he didn't know what to tell Jin, he didn't know how to explain to Jin that he _couldn't_ come see him, because if he did somehow then Jin would question why, what's happening to you -- what's happened to you Jimin? How could you let this happen to you, how could you get like this?! Why hasn't anyone told me and how does Jimin tell Jin that he didn't want them to? That he didn't want Taehyung and Hoseok to tell him anything because he didn't want him to worry like they were. To bad he is though and Jimin feels like he's failed at being a friend, he doesn't want any of them to feel like it's their faults because it isn't, _it's his.._

Jimin at least he still cares about _them._ It's a lot, it really is and he'd stay for them but they probably won't want him after hearing what he did to Jungkook and seeing how he let himself get treated, therefore him caring doesn't matter and it's still not enough to make him think differently either because...

He still doesn't care about himself, he still hates himself, he still wants to die... and he hopes they'll forgive him, he really does. Especially Jungkook. He was so horrible to Jungkook who cared so so much, luckily it won't matter anymore. He won't be here anymore to regret anything and soon enough they'll get over it if they realize and they'll forget him... just like his parents did.

"P-Please don't... please t-they'll worry--" Jimin still says -- pleads once again, his head pounding from the after affect of drugs he's not use to.

He _really_ doesn't want them to blame themselves, he doesn't want any of them turning into _him._

"They'll worry..." Taeyang makes his way towards Jimin, still holding his phone. "Is that right?"

"Yes p-pl--"

"And I'm supposed to care about whether or not they worry!?" Taeyang suddenly shouts, putting his cigarette out on the dresser before climbing over Jimin who startles, pressing his cheek harder into the pillow as he squeezes his eyes shut.

"I can care fucking less about them fucking worrying about your worthless ass and you should too!" Taeyang screams, free hand gripping Jimin's chin and turning it towards him roughly.

Jimin reaches up to grab Taeyang's wrist that were holding his face with a mighty tight and strong grip that was definitely bruising his skin.

A few tears slip down Jimin's face and he's not sure why, he's not sure why he's crying -- in fact he's never sure why he cries anymore because it doesn't matter. Him crying won't make a difference and all the emotions and pain he's feeling now will end as soon as Taeyang leaves him.

"They don't even really care anyways so I don't see why you're so worried about them worrying!" Taeyang scoffs and Jimin shakes his head because _they care, he knows they do, they tell him all the time and he believes them..._

 _Or at least..._ he tries to because that's the least he can do, they've done such great jobs at trying to be there for him and yet he pushes them away... he pushes them away and they still stay, _they still worry._

_Especially Jungkook._

Jimin knows Jungkook was extremely busy with his fighting and probably shouldn't have put him first yet he did, in fact even after Jimin's hurt Jungkook Jimin still has a feeling that Jungkook is probably worrying right now _after everything_ and it truly breaks Jimin's heart because he just pushed Jungkook away and... _and_ _he feels horrible because..._ because Jungkook was always _there_.

And now he's _not._

 _But that's okay._ It's okay... Jungkook will stop worrying eventually and so will his friends and then he won't feel so guilty anymore, he won't feel like anything else is his fault once he's finally gone and can't feel _anything_ anymore.

"T-They do c-care..." Jimin feels himself mumbling as warm tears stream down the sides of his face.

"Oh really?! Says who _them_?!" Taeyang questions, getting even more angry when Jimin nods in response.

"Well think again because they're lying! They don't care, they never did, they hate you!" Taeyang shouts down at him and Jimin can feel his lip trembling at the unwanted feeling of feeling unwanted.

"I'm the only one who's ever cared about you... and you repay me by wanting to leave... to leave me!? By cheating on me!? You're lucky I didn't kill you!" Taeyang's grip on Jimin's chin falls down to Jimin's neck and he grips it hard.

Jimin gasps, his own grip on Taeyang's wrist tightening as he loses his air, body shaking from lost air.

"You're so lucky... you had it so easy with me... all you had to do was listen to me and love me and you couldn't even do that..."

Jimin closes his eyes, not wanting to look into Taeyang's cold, emotionless ones as he takes his final breaths.

_This is it. This is how he's going to die after all..._

"I should've just let you die in that bathtub but I didn't because I felt pity for you even though you deserve this..."

Jimin's broken heart races at those words, the words he's always reminding himself.

_You deserve this._

"You deserve this... after hurting me you deserve to feel what I felt."

A tear slips from Taeyang's eye as his grip on Jimin's neck tightens uncontrollably.

Jimin's own hold on his wrist loosens, his small hands dropping to the bed as his body stops shaking.

*

*

It's around noon and Jungkook's pretty nervous as he opens the door to a cafe on campus. He not exactly sure why he's so nervous, _probably_ because he's meeting his health mentor today and he's not sure who they are or what they're going to look like or how they're going to act.

All he knows is that they're male, his name is Kim Seok-Jin, and he was the first mentor available so Jungkook went with him.

He adjusts his hair under his beanie as he looks around the cafe, which is mostly filled with girls, and his eyes land on a lone man with really broad shoulders.

"Um... are you Kim Seok-Jin?" Jungkook asks nervously when he gets to the booth the man decided to sit at.

The brunette man seems to have been really worried as he looked down at his phone, Jungkook calling him pulls a bright smile from his thick lips though.

"Ah yes that's me. I'm Kim Seok-Jin but you can call me Jin Hyung, I've heard lots about you Jeon Jungkook. You're 18 and a major in Taekwondo and... okay that's all I know but wow you're even better looking in person. I'm jealous."

Jin ranting catches Jungkook off guard (especially since the older so quickly went from worried to informative and open) but he doesn't mind, in fact he finds himself chuckling.

"Um... thanks? Jin Hyung? How old are you anyways are you sure you're my Hyung?" Jungkook questions the devilishly handsome man, taking a seat when Jin motions for him to.

"Yes I'm sure! I know I've been blessed with beautiful young genes but you'd be surprised because I'm quite old actually..."

Jungkook is just about to ask how old when Jin cuts him off.

"Don't ask how old, it's depressing to answer. You'll understand one day," Jin laughs and Jungkook's unconscious pout turns into a smile.

It's weird, he doesn't talk to many people often and when he does he barely talks so he's surprised at how well him and Jin have hit it off already.

Jin looks down at his phone, a frown etching onto his face when it doesn't light up with a notification; the frown turns back into a smile as he pushes his phone slightly away from him.

Jungkook notices everything and thinks maybe he's waiting for a call or text from someone important.

It obviously doesn't dawn on him that the important person happens to be Jimin Jin's waiting for.

"So what made you interested in getting a mentor?" Jin asks and Jungkook averts his eyes away from the others phone to instead look at him.

He tries to keep his serious face at bay while he speaks but he realizes it's harder than he thought since he's not use to it.

Jin makes it easier though, he gives off this funny and open vibe. Jungkook feels as if he can talk to him even though they just met. It's probably because Jin opened up to him so he feels as if he can do the same.

"Well I've been kind of slacking with my fighting and keeping up my health and diet so I thought I'd be nice to have someone who can help me and keep me on track you know?" Jungkook explains, still quite awkward as he taps his hoodie covered hand on his knee.

Thinking about his hoodie reminds him of how he leant his most favorable hoodie from his first win ever to Jimin and he really wants to shake off the thought but he can't help but to remember how cute Jimin looked while wearing it.

It makes his heart flutter and wow... he never thought he'd miss the feeling and he wants to hate it because he's use to cutting them out -- he's use to not feeling, but of course Jimin made him feel and he fucking misses the feeling.

He doesn't like the fact but he doesn't hate it either. The whole situation is still iffy to him and he's still mad -- of course he is -- but what can he do? You can't just get over getting hurt that easy, it takes time and eventually he'll get over it because he knows he'll always love Jimin.

He knows he'll never be able to get over Jimin...

"Ah I see..." Jin nods once in understanding before looking down at his phone, frowning.

"Are you waiting for a call or something? You've looked down at your phone a few times already so..." Jungkook doesn't mean to intrude or to wonder for that matter but he can't help it.

Jin doesn't seem to mind answering, the only thing is he seems very troubled. "Oh um yeah actually I'm waiting on anything, a phone call or a message... anything from a friend of mine who just went MIA on me a while ago... I'm really worried about him because his friends have been telling me he hasn't been at school or responded to any of there calls and texts... I think it has something to do with who he's dating. He barely talks to me anymore and I think it's because of them... well I hope so because I don't think I did anything to hurt or offend him so yeah... Usually I wouldn't have minded him calling me every once in a while because I know he's probably busy being a dancer at the college but he hasn't even been doing that or even texting me so I'm a bit worried because I know how fragile he is..."

The word fragile reminds him of Jimin once again and he feels his throat tighten as he looks at Jin who now seems uncomfortable for spilling something serious in his life to someone like him, bad at comforting and understanding.

"Oh... uh I'm sorry about that I hope your friend calls soon and I hope he's okay when he does."

He also hopes Jimin is okay, but that's besides the point.

Jin smiles thankfully anyways. "Thanks Jungkook-ssi. Uh should we order now I'm actually starving," Jin then laughs before turning and calling out to a waiter.

"Hey waiter! Can we order please?"

The waiter, a cute girl with chubby cheeks that reminds Jungkook of healthy Jimin, comes quickly, mumbling an apology for not coming sooner yet Jin waves it off, his face contorted in decision as he decides on what to eat.

Jungkook stares somewhat dumbfounded as Jin orders enough food to feed about three people.

He doesn't know what comes over him as he mumbles, "Are you sure you're a health mentor?"

It's a serious question and it could have sounded rude to most but luckily Jin busts out laughing, his cheeks reddening quickly in embarrassment.

"Hahaha! Wow Jungkook-ssi you're funnier than you seem, but yes I get that a lot! Don't worry I am! And I'm not gonna lie I don't eat very healthy but I'm good at maintaining it okay? Please have faith in me."

"Okay... I'll try," Jungkook smiles a little.

"Anything you want Jungkook ah its on me since you know I'm your Hyung. I mean I'd let you pay-- I _really_ want to but that'd be rude so..."

Jungkook snorts making Jin chuckle.

"Well you're going to be my mentor so shouldn't you pick for me?"

Jin's face lightens up at Jungkook's suggestion. "Ah you're right! Good idea! Um hm... something healthy... how about a fruit salad and a nice lemon water."

"Yeah that's good..." Jungkook agrees, almost forgetting his manners as he quickly mutters a, "thank you."

Jin just smiles, eyes drifting down to his phone for another split second, the frown present once again before he looks back up at Jungkook.

"So Jungkook ah I'm really glad you decided to go with me because this is my first time mentoring and it's great because I love taking care of people."

"Ah really? Why? It's just another weight on your shoulders..." Jungkook says easily even though that's not what he thinks whatsoever. If he were to be honest the only person he's ever taken care of was Jimin and at first he wasn't use to it because his parents were the do things independently types but soon enough, after taking care of Jimin for so long, he realized that he actually _loved_ the feeling of being there for someone -- of helping someone. Yet even so... it was a big worry on his shoulders and deep down he's truly freaking out not knowing what is going on with Jimin in this exact moment.

He tries hard to ignore the feeling of worry though and focuses back on Jin who shrugs.

"I was raised by my aunt in an orphanage and I use to help take care of the boys so I know this will be really meaningful to me especially if we get close which I hope we do."

Jungkook wants to say, _I hope we get close too,_ but honestly does he really hope that? He's not sure if he wants to get close to ( _worry about -- love_ ) anyone else after Jimin to be honest.

Good thing the waiter comes quickly so Jungkook takes it as a chance to not have to respond to Jin as he instead monotonely thanks the waiter, who smiles down at him shyly, pushing her black her behind her ear as she also places a small piece of paper down on the table besides Jungkook before walking away.

Jungkook blankly looks at the girls quickly retreating form before looking down at the cute pink sticky note, he doesn't touch it as he takes a sip of his water.

Jin makes a face, looking at him confused before grabbing the paper and reading it.

He gushes to himself before eyeing between Jungkook and the girl with a smirk that has Jungkook staring at him questionably.

"She said you're really cute and that you should text her sometime, wow... you interested? She's cute."

Jungkook shrugs, taking a bite of watermelon. "Not interested. I'll be too busy and she's cute yeah but shy's not my type."

He's totally lying, he doesn't even have a type. The only person he's ever been interested in was Jimin and Jimin's very shy and... Jimin's definitely his type... ugh why does he keep thinking about Jimin? Almost everything they talk about keeps going back to... _him_. Jungkook wants to hate the fact but he can't... he can't hate Jimin.

"Shy isn't your type? Good thing I'm not shy then," a boyish and very recognizable voice suddenly jokes making both Jungkook and Jin look up.

Taehyung stands there, dressed casually with a mask on his chin and a small smile on his face. Jungkook immediately notices how tired the blond looks and how his smile doesn't reach like it normally does, even as he squeezes in besides Jin.

"Taehyung--" Jungkook is about to tell Taehyung that he can't just come interrupting his interview but his stern voice cuts off as he watches Taehyung give Jin the most distraught face he's ever seen.

Jin gives Taehyung a tight reassuring smile before pulling the younger into his arms. Taehyung presses his face in between Jin's neck and shoulder then holds onto him tightly.

"Where's Hoseok?" Jin asks, confused because the two are always at the hip.

"He's practicing to keep himself from checking his phone every second. I came here to get him something to eat because he hasn't eaten since he stopped answering us... I don't know what to do Hyung. Me and Hoseok are so worried. We both can't eat... we can't sleep and he's not answering and nobody's doing anything about it and... I just..."

Jin shushes Taehyung who sounds like he's on the verge of tears, while Jungkook swallows awkwardly as he chews on his salad. He can't help but not _like_ seeing Taehyung like this because it's weird seeing someone who's usually always happy so upset.

"Hey it's okay. I'm worried too but it'll be okay. What do you mean nobody's doing anything?"

Taehyung sits up abruptly. "We went to all his classes to ask if anyone knew any information about him and this really rude girl in his ballet class told me that he was just away whoring--"

Jin scoffs almost jumping up from his chair in anger.

"Obviously we didn't believe that because cmon really? So we then -- after cursing the girl out and me stopping Hoseok from fighting her --  asked the school for his boyfriend's address since he works for the school sometimes and they said they couldn't tell us because it's classified information! Like what the fuck Hyung he hasn't been to school in like four days and they didn't even seem concerned so we told them we were worried and why then they told us to go file a missing person report if it's been 48 hours. So I'm going to do that today..."

Jungkook obviously wants to question what's happening and who's missing but he doesn't quite feel like it's his place. In fact the whole topic just makes him uncomfortable.

"Wow this is so scary... it's making my heart race because what if something's really wrong?" Jin mumbles and Taehyung shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he rubs his temples.

Jungkook stares at him with owlish eyes, not understanding why his heart is clenching at the sight. It makes him want to get up and leave but he doesn't want to make a bad impression with Jin -- which is weird because he usually can care less. Something in him has definitely changed and he definitely doesn't like it but he can't help it either.

Jin pouts towards him then pats his back soothingly. "Hey I'm sorry... I'm trying to think positive okay? But... it's hard. I haven't seen him in almost two years Tae and even then he always made up excuses whenever we talked. I worry so much and when you guys tell me how he's been and what he looks like... how sick he looks... it just makes me worry even more... The only way I know he's okay is when you guys tell me you've seen him other than that I never see him -- not even through video and he rarely calls me anymore, all he did was text me but now he's not even doing that..."

Taehyung sighs. "I know Hyung... the last time I saw him he looked even worse and usually he texts us everyday too especially when he knows he's not going to be at school but he didn't this time."

Jin raises a brow. "Has he been skipping school a lot these days?"

Taehyung shrugs, stealing some of Jin's pastry. "No... well he's absent every once in a while and he'll tell us he's sick but the day before or after he never has any sick symptoms... there's always a bruise on him though when he comes back and sometimes he'll limp."

Jungkook looks down uncomfortably while Jin looks away with a grim expression, mumbling under his breath in disgust. "He's beating him... that's the only thing that I can think of that makes sense... it has to be that because what else could he be hiding?"

Jungkook freezes at that, automatically thinking back to Jimin crying out to him, the truth about Taeyang.

Taehyung laughs frustratedly and sarcastically.

"Me and Hoseok first thought that it was because him and his boyfriend were at it all night but now that I think about it he recently came to school with hand prints on his neck and he tried to tell us that he fell down the stairs."

Jungkook's head snaps up at that statement and the look on his face is pure disbelief. The racing of his heart becomes hot in anger.

"Wait you two are talking about Jimin How do you know Jimin?" Jungkook quickly looks from Taehyung to Jin who gives a forced and sad smile.

"He came to my aunts orphanage and I use to take care of him because he had a habit of letting people just run over him... we became really close and I see him as family."

It all makes sense now and Jungkook can feel his heart begin to race in a bad way as Jin and Taehyung both look at him in pity. Their stares make him feel worse but he's not even mad he still cares at this point because he knows it'll never change. Over night he thought about it a lot actually, he asked himself did he really want to forget and go to not caring again.

He decided he didn't, he still doesn't know why though.

"I'm assuming now that you have to be the great Jungkook from his childhood?"

Jungkook looks down at the table emotionless. "Yeah... that's... that's me."

Jin tries to laugh. "He use to always talk about you and how you were like his hero. I can see it now after watching some of your videos. You know he really loved you..."

Jungkook glares down at the table before looking towards them, blankly.

"Yeah loved..." they both eye him in confusion-- in question. Jungkook quickly moves on. "So you two think he's missing?"

Jungkook wants to scoff because he knows where Jimin is and he's definitely not missing... or so he believes so because he remembers leaving Jimin with Taeyang -- he remembers leaving because Jimin didn't _want_ him.

Because Jimin loves Taeyang.

It once again makes his blood boil.

"Yeah I thought you knew... he hasn't contacted us since his performance when me and Hoseok assumed he was just with you. I texted you to make sure but you didn't answer either," Taehyung explained his tone un normally small and it makes Jungkook feel like such a dick.

Jungkook inaudibly sighs, staring straight at nothing. "I remember you texting me but I didn't respond because you told me that Taeyang was cheating on Jimin and at the time Jimin was with me--"

"Cheating?! He's cheating on him?!" Jin looks towards Taehyung in disbelief.

Taehyung purses his lips sheepishly. "Well yeah... we saw him with a girl after Jimin's performance--"

Jin shakes his head in disappointment, muttering " _fucking dickhead..."_ before asking with a frown. "What performance?"

"I'm guessing he didn't tell you but he had a sudden performance at a bar, he looked surprised when we asked him about it. Almost like he didn't even know..."

"Wow really? I assumed he was just avoiding me and not telling me things but that... something is definitely up."

Taehyung nods then looks back at Jungkook eagerly.  "He was with you?"

The serious face on Taehyung makes Jungkook unusually nervous as he shrugs once, a blush flushing his cheeks as he thinks back to his night with Jimin.

"Yeah um... after his performance, he spent the night with me then I woke up and found out he went back to his piece of shit ass boyfriend."

Jin frowns un satisfied with that and Taehyung notices, swallowing before questioning.

"He spent the night with you? That's so weird he never spends the night with any of us... Taeyang would never allow it and Jimin always makes up excuses so he can't spend the night. What'd you say to make him spend the night with you?"

Jungkook shrugs again, thinking back to that night and remembering how Jimin kept telling him he couldn't stay over.

"Um nothing he forgot his keys so I told him to stay over and at first he told me he couldn't and I asked him why not--"

Taehyung nods. "Right because you two are close right? It shouldn't be a problem then?"

Taehyung remembers seeing Jimin wearing Jungkook's hoodie and thinking to himself that they have to be extremely close then.

Jungkook tilts his head at that. "I mean well we use to be close... and It's been years since I last saw him so he probably felt a little uncomfortable. He didn't tell me that though, he said he didn't want to make _me_ uncomfortable but I told him I didn't mind because... I wanted to get close again--"

Jin stares, confused. "Wanted?"

Jungkook stares back. "Yeah wanted... I wanted to get close to him like when we were kids but he said his boyfriend wouldn't approve of that, I didn't see why not though because we're just friends and after about five minutes of trying to convince him to stay he finally did."

"Did he tell you anything? About Taeyang?" Taehyung asks and Jin nods, they both want to know, they both need to know.

Jungkook sighs, not sure if it's his place to tell because he doesn't think Jimin wants him to. "He didn't tell me anything I didn't already imagine."

"What do you mean?" Jin asks, knowing but not knowing. He lowkey doesn't even want to know, yet he has an idea of what Jungkook could be talking about.

He remembers how Jimin told him that Taeyang said he was getting fat... he remembers how Jimin told him Taeyang and him argued because he didn't clean... he remembers how angry he was after hearing those things. He remembers thinking something was definitely off about Taeyang and he has a feeling that he's always been right.

"Please tell us everything Jungkookie, we really need to know anything about this guy because we've already had bad feeling about him since forever and now Jimin's not answering us and we're so fucking scared you have no idea like Hoseok Hyung won't even smile he's so worried," Taehyung rambles, voice breaking and breaking as he wills himself not to cry.

Jungkook sighs. He's not very good will talking about things, he's not very good with emotions either yet the way Jin and Taehyung (especially) are staring at him makes him feel obliged to tell them everything.

"Okay... okay um I'll start from here. Remember when I said I was going to the bathroom?"

Taehyung nods and Jungkook continues because at this point he thinks Jimin's friends deserve the truth. He knows what feeling worried feels like and it sucks. He once again shouldn't care but his heart is stronger than his conscious, it's always been ever since he was a kid and his parents use to tell him he couldn't hang out with Jimin but he did anyways because his heart couldn't take not doing so.

"Well I didn't go to the bathroom after, instead I went to check on him because I didn't think him falling was apart of the dance."

Both Jin and Taehyung's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Yeah I think he fainted and I'm still not sure because when I got back there the two guys that had performed with him--"

"Oh Namjoon and Yoongi hyung!" Taehyung inputs more for Jin who still seems confused. "They're really cool... we chilled with them after the performance and they know both Jimin and Taeyang. Told us they didn't think Taeyang was good for Jimin either..."

Jin and Jungkook both frown.

"Yeah they told me that I should probably wait for Jimin to come out and when he did I noticed he looked so bad when I saw him. I couldn't ask him if he was okay or anything though because Taeyang pulled him into the bathroom..."

Taehyung sits up that, eyes hard and protective. "What'd he do to him in there?"

Jungkook shakes his head, now scolding himself for not following them in and making sure Taeyang didn't do anything to Jimin.

"I... I don't know. I couldn't hear much over all the noise but I have a feeling he did something to him because Jimin looked so scared when he came out and Taeyang made him go talk to these guys that were trying to get him to sign with them."

Jin gasps, catching a few customers and the waiter, who gave Jungkook her number, stares. "Oh no did Jimin sign anything?"

Jungkook shakes his head, scoffing a little as he lowers his voice. "No the dumbasses forgot their shit but I over heard and they set a meeting... after that um Taeyang told Jimin to go home and Jimin listened. I followed him out then and I noticed he didn't have any shoes from his performance and... um I'm sure he could've went backstage to get them but he seemed so... I don't know... out of it.  So I just gave him a piggyback ride home and after realizing he didn't have his keys he spent the night with me..."

Jungkook is obviously still leaving out a lot of things and just by looking at the sly blush on his cheeks, both Jin and Taehyung can tell, they don't ask about it though and instead take what Jungkook is giving them.

Jungkook's glad yet he still feels the need to elaborate, he still feels obligated to tell them the truth instead of "Jimin's fine and he willingly went back to his boyfriend who treats him like shit."

"In that night he told me some things... a lot about Taeyang and how he treats him. It's really bad... and I tried to convince him of that and he actually listened this time--"

"This time? Have you brought up how Taeyang treats him before?" Jin asks, face contorted in slight surprise.

"Um... yeah actually I live above him and on my first night living there I heard him and Taeyang--"

"No way?" Taehyung sputters and Jungkook doesn't look him in the eye.

"Yeah. He didn't sound like he was enjoying himself and at the time I hadn't known it was him so I was surprised. I didn't know what to say since it's been so long and it was awkward and I was really mean to him since they disrupted my sleep but his boyfriend was worse. I instantly hated him and regretted the way I treated Jimin because he seemed really scared... we met again and I noticed that a lot from him and his speech disorder--"

"Speech disorder?" Jin halts, face in utter shock.

Taehyung and Jungkook make eye contact knowingly.

"He never had any problems when we were younger but after meeting him again now I noticed he can barely form a sentence without stuttering so I asked him about it and he said it had to do with his anxiety. I believed him but he was really uncomfortable I noticed and when I asked him anything personal like... anything to with his weight or anything that had to do with his boyfriend he seemed scared almost."

"You know about his eating disorder too?" Taehyung questions, face free of any emotions now.

Jungkook shrugs, feeling his stomach turn thinking about how small Jimin was. "How couldn't I know... it's all over him."

Jin sighs. "He's always had a problem with it since he's came to the orphanage and the boys would tease him about being chubby. It just got worse in high school and he had an obsession with staying fit so that no one could ever call him fat. He use to only eat like one rice ball a day and it took me so long to tell him it was okay to... to _eat_ and to gain weight _._ And he slowly started to eat again and become healthy. I never thought it'd get so bad again though..."

Jungkook would have never imagined that Jimin has had this problem since high school, it makes him feel horrible for not being there even if he knows there would've been no way for him to have been there.

"He... on the night he stayed over... he couldn't even keep what we ate down," Jungkook admits and both Jin and Taehyung gasp, in disbelief.

"It's that bad?" Jin asks, regretfully, and Jungkook nods once.

"Yeah."

"What else did he tell you about Taeyang?" Taehyung asks after a while, staring down at their uneaten food blankly.

"After I helped him clean up... he just broke down to me and we talked about... some personal things then he suddenly told me what I already knew, that Taeyang was beating him... over the simplest dumbest things and he was so scared and didn't understand what he did to deserve any of it."

"That's not his fault... aw Jiminie..." Jin shakes his head, still in disbelief even though he already had a feeling.

"I told him that and I thought that night we made it clear that it wasn't. I made it clear that I wanted him to stay with me where he is safe and... and loved but when I woke up he was gone."

Jin's still staring at the table in disbelief while Taehyung is looking up at Jungkook with wide eyes.

"Just like that? He didn't tell you why he left or anything?"

Jungkook shakes his head, remembering the sound of Jimin quickly closing the door shut, it still makes his blood boil.

"No."

It's bitter, he's obviously still upset and Jin and Taehyung can see just how hurt he is. They both think something more must've happened that night.

"Um... I went to his apartment and a girl was coming out. The rude one from Jimin's class that you talked about earlier, I met her a while ago so that's how I knew but uh her and Taeyang obviously had something going on... I'm not sure if she knew that Taeyang and Jimin had something going on too but that's besides the point. I walked in on Taeyang abusing Jimin and the night before Jimin had made me promise that I wouldn't hurt Taeyang after I found out the truth of him beating him. I promised and I kept my promise only because I didn't want to scare him but I was confused because why would you want to go back to a situation like that? He made it clear to me that Taeyang was who he wanted though and so... I left."

Jin and Taehyung are both quiet, both steaming in unwanted and unexpected emotions, both feeling pity for Jungkook who seems really affected by it now that they've noticed -- especially Taehyung who had seen Jungkook in his most serious state. Jungkook just looked so tired now and it makes Taehyung's heart clash for him because he obviously cares a lot about Jimin.

"I haven't seen or heard from him since... and I have no clue what happened to him after I left. I prayed nothing too bad but what could I do? He didn't want me around... he didn't want me to help him and now that I think about it I probably shouldn't have left like that but--"

"Hey Jungkook it's not your fault... if you felt like you were unwanted then that was that okay? Him leaving me like that would also make me feel that way so I don't blame you," Jin says, a small reassuring smile on his face.

Taehyung nods. "Yeah Jungkook ah don't blame yourself... we can't change his mindset in a day but we can help him understand eventually. To do that though we first have to find him and make sure he's okay."

Jungkook nods too. "Okay."

"You want to help us?" Jin asks and Jungkook nods.

"I said I was done trying but... Taehyung has a point. I can't change his mind in a day," _or over sex and words that are hard for him to believe._

"So I won't give up just yet and I just hope he listens to us and I hope it's not too late."

_Please don't be too late... please don't hurt me again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an.
> 
> It's been a while since I updated I know, like three weeks? But I have a reason why, okay xD um I have a life-- no kidding I really don't and I love writing for you guys, I'd do it all day everyday if I could but I can't because of school and family things. Luckily summer break is soon for me so I can update more the only thing now is I'm recovering from a really bad concussion that, I recently noticed, has been affecting my train of thought, speech, and writing -- like really bad you have no idea guys. Like I'll think something and when I write it it's something totally off and I've been really scared about it because it's happened more than once when I've tried to write and hoped there's not too many mistakes in this chapter, I'm sorry if there is but please understand why. I hope y'all are still interested in this story, and have feedback on what you think will happen! :) I'll try to update as soon as I can, please be patient though <3 (which you guys always are and I thank you for that)


	16. Chapter 16

When Jimin wakes up, he's once again surprised at the fact that he even does. He thinks he should be dead right now because honestly that's all he feels.

His body aches horribly, especially his neck and all he wants to do is sleep but he wills himself not to because this is it... this is his chance.

He looks around and notices it's still light outside and he's alone in the room; alone with his phone that's resting on the bed still.

He attempts to quickly grab it but his body halts him, burning all over in deprivation that forces him to lay back down again.

He wants to scream out in pain and in agony but he can't, he doesn't want Taeyang who's in the kitchen on the phone with someone to know that he's up so instead he silently cries in pain as he tries to sit up again.

"Yeah I know we were been supposed to have a meeting but Jimin's been a little... busy."

Taeyang talking about him makes him freeze.

_Meeting?_

His eyes widen in remembrance of the club and those men who wanted to sign him to their label as if he was an object and had no say -- well technically he was an object to Taeyang and he really didn't want that _anymore._ He's sick of pretending that what Taeyang is doing to him is okay, he's sick of reminding himself that this is all his fault.

He's sick of everything and he just wants to end it all because he always ruins everything.

His parents, his friends, Jungkook...

He wants to cry thinking about how much Jungkook probably hates him right now but this is not the time, soon enough Jungkook won't have to hate him anymore, because he won't even be _here._

With that thought Jimin quickly rushes to grab his phone before Taeyang finishes his conversation.

"Yeah let's set one this afternoon, yeah 2:30 is fine. I'll let him know. Okay bye."

Jimin's heart races as he quickly unlocks his phone.

Missed calls and texts, hundreds of missed calls and texts from all his friends, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jin, Minsu and even some from Dr. Young who questioned if he was okay because apparently Jin and Minsu told her they were very worried about him since he wasn't answering.

Everyone was worried... everyone but _Jungkook_ and he's totally fine with that  or so he thinks because that's what he intended. He wanted Jungkook to forget about him -- he wants his friends to forget about him! Because _he_ doesn't _deserve_ them _or_ Jungkook and it seems like at least Jungkook's gotten the memo to stop worrying, to forget him.

Jungkook's had enough of helping him so why can't his friends do the same?

After he shut them out, after he hid things from them... they _still_ care! And Jimin just doesn't understand _why?_

In fact he wants to tell them that he's fine and to never worry about him again because... soon enough he'd be dead anyways.

Yet he can't, he can't will himself to do it. He can't force that pain on them, he can't hurt them like he hurt Jungkook.

He won't and as they realize he's read their texts and start to send more he _realizes_ he _can't_ lie to them _anymore_.

**Jimin ah? Are you okay?**

**Jimin where are you?! Is this you reading our texts?!**

**Please answer! We're so worried about you!**

**Was it him? Was it Taeyang?! Did he hurt you?!**

**Was it us? did we do something to make you ignore us!? If we did were sorry! I'm sorry!**

**Do you need help? Are you okay?!**

Jimin can feel the anxiety in him turning on like a light switch as he finally responds to Jin who asks was it them. He doesn't want them to blame themselves, he really doesn't want them to feel the feeling of being at fault for him ending his life... for him not being okay.

**_No..._ **

**_No I'm not okay but It's not your fault. Please don't think it's your fault. It's none of your faults. It's mine and I'm so sorry... I'm sorry for everything._ **

**What do you mean Jimin??! What do you mean you're sorry you have nothing to be sorry for!**

**_Please don't blame yourselves... please don't hate me... please don't be sad. I love you. Tell Hoseok and Taehyung I love them. Tell Jungkookie... I love him so much and I'm sorry._ **

**Jimin you're freaking me out! We're coming over right now okay?**

_No! They can't!_

"What the fuck are you doing!?" Taeyang's voice startles him and he drops the phone, looking up at the older with wet cheeks.

"I said what are you doing?!" Taeyang growls, nose red from whatever drug he was sniffing and teeth barred in anger.

Jimin hesitates, looking down at his buzzing phone then back towards Taeyang who immediately makes a move towards him.

Jimin quickly backs up in fear, the little braveness he once had a few days ago completely gone... _probably with Jungkook,_ he finds himself thinking and he shakes his head because this is once again _not_ the time.

Taeyang grabs his phone instead of him and sees all the new messages from his friends, and the responses from him. He seethes in anger, throwing Jimin's phone across the room, Jimin jumping as he watches with wide eyes as his phone breaks from the impact.

"You really are fucking stupid aren't you?"

Jimin looks back at Taeyang who's now closer, he finds himself backing up on the bed to get away but Taeyang quickly grabs him by his outgrown hair pulling him off the bed easily.

Jimin cries out in pain as Taeyang tsks, shaking his head.

"Now your little fucking friends are probably gonna call the cops on me! You wanted that didn't you!? You want me to go to jail!"

He lifts Jimin up to look at him and Jimin shakes his head, tears filling his eyes as he sniffles a response.

"No... I-I just didn't want t-them to worry..." Jimin cries as he attempts to pull Taeyang's grip off his hair. It's no use though, Jimin's to weak to do anything, his knees already feel like buckling just from standing.

Taeyang's grip tightens and he pulls Jimin closer to him.

"Well now they're obviously going to fucking worry!" Taeyang's grip on his hair goes down to his thin shoulders as he shakes him as if to put sense in him and Jimin feels so dizzy he could pass out. "You. fucking. dumb ass!" Three hits to the back of the head and Jimin thinks this is it, but it's not, he's still standing -- in pain but standing as Taeyang pushes him out the bedroom door and towards the bathroom again.

"No!" He attempts to turn away but Taeyang just pushes him again. "P-Please no!" Jimin begs thinking Taeyang was going to lock him in the bathtub again but Taeyang ignores his pleads and instead pushes him into the counter.

Jimin drops to the floor and whines out in pain at the feeling of his naked waist hitting the counter hard.

"Shut the fuck up and get your nasty ass cleaned up," Taeyang sneers and Jimin blinks at him in confusion and shock.

"We have contracts to sign and if you're not ready in ten minutes I'm kicking your ass."

Taeyang leaves the bathroom and Jimin watches his buff body retreat back into the room, his own malnourished body shaking from the cold air coming through the window.

_You won't have to sign anything and he won't have to kick your ass if you just get it over with now._

This was it.

This was his chance.

This was his chance to end it all.

All the pain.

All the hurt.

It would all be over.

_This was it._

Jimin listens for Taeyang through the open bathroom door and when he doesn't hear anything he gets up, on shaky locking legs, then makes his way towards the mirror.

He doesn't want to look, he really doesn't but he wills himself just this last time to see himself. To see what he's become, to see how _disgusting_ he looks.

It's a shame how right his mother was he thinks, looking at himself he can now see how truly pathetic he looks, standing here in this cold bathroom, bones protruding and skin pale, hair and body lifeless, eyes scarred and distant. Bruises and discolored patches litter his body and he can't look anymore, it hurts too much and he finds himself opening the cabinet. He pulls out the first pain killer bottle he sees and he tells himself he doesn't want to feel anymore.

He opens it with shaky hands and at this point his hearts racing out of his chest as he pours the pills into his skinny palm.

He feels himself shaking harder and he's beginning to hyperventilate. He's panicking and he tries to stop, he tries to breath until he realizes he doesn't need to. He doesn't need air, he just needs the courage to do this but his heart beating hard in his chest keeps stopping him.

_"Cmon... cmon... just do it Jimin! It'll end it all... I... I..."_

_I promise we'll never be apart ever again._

Jungkook whispering those words to him and looking at him with such so much love and seriousness flashes through his mind and he begins to cry hard because why is this happening right now?

Why is he thinking of Jungkook all of a sudden? Why did Jungkook break his promise? Where was Jungkook now!?

_Oh yeah..._

He told Jungkook he didn't want him and Jungkook must've been tired of trying so he finally just... left and it's all _his_ fault.

He loves Jungkook so much he can't even explain it but he knows... he knows they'll never be together ever again, Jungkook doesn't want him anymore, Taeyang won't allow it, and it wouldn't even be possible anyways... not after he finally kills himself.

"This is it..." he brokenly whispers, voice getting caught in his dry throat as he tilts his head back, dropping a big handful of pills in his mouth. Pain strikes through his body with the movement and he ignores it, about to turn to get some water when the voice he dreads stops him.

"What the fuck are you doing Jimin?!"

It's the angriest Jimin's ever heard him and he's so scared as he drops the rest of pills to the ground as he quickly tries bend down towards the sink. It's not fast enough though as Taeyang drops the clothes he had for Jimin on the floor and rushes towards the smaller who's now attempting to swallow dry.

Taeyang goes to grabs him but Jimin finally fights back, turning his back to Taeyang when he sees it's no use.

"You fucking idiot! Spit them out! Right fucking now!"

He manages to swallow a few, but ends up choking. Taeyang reaches around to his stomach, pushing down hard and repeatedly to get him to spit them out and he eventually gags them up, put still holds them in. Taeyang huffs angrily, hands finding Jimin's neck from behind, wringing and shaking him roughly to get the pills out.

"Spit it out! Jimin! I swear to fucking god!"

Jimin grabs Taeyang's hands, trying to pull them away as he coughs, mouth opening and pills and whatever else flying everywhere.

Spit is running down his chin and he's crying and screaming frantically, kicking Taeyang from behind, trying to get the older to let go of him because _this was supposed to be it!_

"Stop! L-Let me... just let me die! You don't e-even care about me anyways so why? Why can't you l-let me die!" He's crying so hard he can't see anything, his voice is ragged and he can't breath, Taeyang's hand still on his neck now gripping tightly in anger as he turns Jimin's body around and slams him into the mirror.

"Let you die so you can leave me!? After all I've done for you! This is how you repay me!?" The grip he has on Jimin's neck is tight but not enough to suffocate him, he wants Jimin to cry in agony at the fact that he couldn't succeed, he couldn't leave him.

"By leaving me! After I told you about _her!_ You go and do the same thing to spite me huh?! You want to hurt me don't you! That was your goal right?!" Taeyang shouts and Jimin realizes through his own tears that he's crying, big fat tears rolling down his face as he breaths heavily.

"N-No it's wasn't I promise... Just let me die... please Taeyang."

The pain he's feeling is indescribable and he thinks he feels blood dripping down his neck from his impact with mirror.

Taeyang's eyes widen in fury. "You want to leave me!? The only one who's ever cared about your useless ass!"

Jimin doesn't respond, he can't. He thinks he's about to pass out from the pain that just gets worse as Taeyang pulls him down hard and towards the floor.

"Well guess what Jimin!" Taeyang's bending down towards him and holding the back of his head to force him to look up at him.

"You're not fucking going anywhere! You can't leave me! I won't fucking let you! You're mine!" Taeyang's still crying, he looks out of his mind as he stares at Jimin who's eyes are dropping, breath fading.

 _Maybe this is how I will die after all..._ Jimin thinks for a second but he's wrong, Taeyang won't let him go this easily.

"No! Wake up the fuck up Jimin!" Taeyang's shaking him again. He's getting exasperated and decides to lift him up again and slam him against the wall again.

"Fuck you swallowed some didn't you!? You fucking dumb ass! Ugh I'm gonna kick your ass!" He stops shaking Jimin and then turns the smaller's body around again, big arms coming around Jimin's sunk in stomach.

"Throw them up!" He's pushing hard and Jimin's gagging, coughing, and gasping for air as Taeyang's fingers press into his mouth.

Jimin's body is still shaking as he finds the strength to bite down hard on Taeyang's fingers.

It's enough to pull blood and Taeyang shouts out in pain, pushing Jimin away hard.

"You stupid useless fucking whore! Now you're really gonna get it!"

He's still trying to shake the pain off, holding his fingers tightly as Jimin forces his aching body up off the cold tile floor and rushes towards the shower, quickly grabbing Taeyang's razor. The same one that had tempted him many times before (especially when he felt like he was at fault after a beating) but he never had the courage to do it, to hurt himself because he didn't want to feel anymore pain he wanted to end it. Yet now he could care less, now he just wants to die and he doesn't think twice as he brings the razor down towards his wrist hard.

It hurts so bad and Taeyang's shouting now, telling him to stop but it's too late, all he can hear is _this is it, this is finally it._

Then the front door slams open.  


_*_  
_*_

"So were not going to file a missing persons report?" Hoseok asks, arms crossed and voice blank, his face devastated in clear exhaustion and worry.

It's been about an hour since Jungkook, Jin, and Taehyung's meeting at the cafe and now they were sitting at a table outside of the dance class, on campus. Jin just got down explaining everything Jungkook told him and Taeyang right to Hoseok -- after finally getting him to come out of the dance studio. He only did because Taehyung told him there was news on Jimin.

"No not yet Jungkook-ssi thinks Jimin is still with Taeyang."

"So he just left him there with his abuser and he thinks?" Hoseok scoffs and Jungkook raises a brow, annoyance seeping through him because Hoseok isn't acting very hopeful right now.

"Yeah I think, J no hope," Jungkook sarcastically replies and he's surprised because he's never expected something like that to come out of his mouth, he realizes he must be more irritated than he thought.

"Hey okay calm down guys--"

Jin's own anxious voice is cut off by Hoseok who's burning in anger and confusion. The fear he once had for fighter Jungkook now distant inside him and replaced with annoyance.

"How could you think? It's either you know or you don't! If you do why would you let him stay anyways? When he told _you_ Taeyang was beating him!" Hoseok rambles angrily and Jungkook tries to hold back his own because people are staring and he's telling himself that he really doesn't want to punch Hoseok in the face even if he feels as if Hoseok is blaming him.

"First of all I didn't fucking leave him anywhere! He left me and what was I supposed to fucking do? Fucking kidnap him? He didn't want me! He wanted Taeyang! He told me right to my fucking face..." Jungkook looks away, attempting to blink away his tears as Hoseok wipes his own, calming down finally as he sees how distraught Jungkook truly is too.

"I'm sorry... I'm not trying to blame you or anything I just don't understand why would he go back to him."

 _Me neither,_ Jungkook thinks, his jaw clenching down to hold back his sigh.

"None of us understand Hoseok ah... we just need to stay calm and go find out."

"He's reading them!" Taehyung who had been stone faced and quiet this whole time suddenly shouts, jumping up from his spot next to Hoseok.

Everyone grabs their phones, and begin to type, but Jungkook who doesn't even have his on him. He instead stands to get a hold on his emotions and stop himself from breaking down.

"Oh! He's responding to me!" Jin exclaims, both relieved and worried.

Taehyung and Hoseok seem a bit sad that Jimin hadn't replied to them but they get over it and quickly move to hover over Jin and see what Jimin said, if it's even Jimin in the first place.

"Are you sure it's him?" Jungkook asks from his spot away from them and the thumping in his chest hopes it is.

"I don't know... I think. He... he says it's not our fault and that he's sorry..."

Jungkook feels his heart stutter as Hoseok's eyes widen and Taehyung stares hard at Jin in disbelief.

"Wait what? What's not our fault why is he sorry!?" Hoseok questions, eyes wide in horror.

"I-I don't know! I don't know!" Jin seems like he's about to start freaking out as he frantically types in a response, hand coming to hold his mouth as he reads Jimin's response.

"Please don't blame yourselves. Please don't hate me. P-Please don't be sad... I love you. Tell Hoseok and Taehyung I love them." Hoseok turns away, holding back a sob as he stands up. Taehyung who has tears falling down his own blank face goes to hug him.

"Tell Jungkookie I love him so much and... I'm sorry."

Jungkook finally lets his own tears drop as he watches Jin's stand abruptly, tears streaming down his face as he cries loudly.

"No! No! This isn't happening!" He sobs, fingers moving against his phone quickly as he presses send.

"We need to go to him now... before... before it's too late," Jin insists and Hoseok lifts his face from Taehyung's chest, the other who was patting Hoseok's back soothingly nods in agreement.

They all turn towards Jungkook who's wiping his own face, tears obvious as he nods his head in a follow me motion.

"We can take my car. It's faster than walking," Jin says and they quickly make their way to his Toyota, hopping in.

Jungkook sits in the passenger seat to show Jin the way to their apartment complex, his leg shaking and his hand tapping the door to mask his nervousness.

Jin's still crying silently as he drives quickly. Hoseok's still crying too, loudly sniffing and huffing as he leans on Taehyung who caresses him softly, face once again emotionless even though he's internally breaking.

They make it to the apartment complex and jump out of the car quickly, following Jungkook who leads the way to Jimin's level.

His heart is racing, his bloods boiling, and he tries to swallow it all down, compose him from all the emotions he's suddenly feeling.

He doesn't know what to expect as the elevator opens and they make their way to Jimin's apartment door. All he hopes is it's nothing too bad and that Jimin's here, alive and breathing... and wanting of them, of their help -- of him.

They're just on time as they hear what sounds like Taeyang shouting.

"No! You fucking idiot! Why would you do that!? You've ruined everything now!" Taehyung quickly goes to open the door and Hoseok pulls him back, holding the taller boy's elbows as he turns towards Jungkook with wide eyes.

"Hobi Hyung!" Taehyung's voice cracks and his strong facade for Hoseok drops finally as he begins to cry. "Let me go Hoseok Hyung..."

Jin seems stuck as he listens to the way Taeyang calls Jimin out of his name and Jungkook doesn't want to listen anymore as he pushes through the unlocked door.

The first thing Jungkook notices is that the place is a mess, trash and beer cans everywhere, drugs on the coffee table, paper and clothes on the floor.

The memories of Jimin bloody and pressed up against the wall by Taeyang flashes through his mind instantly after he ignores the mess and continues walking through the apartment; he tries to block them out along with the one of Jimin telling Taeyang he loved him and nobody else.

It's easy to do so, to block out such painful memories, because Jimin's heaving cry has caught his attention and he finds himself following the noise.

He finds himself blacking out as he takes in the sight of Taeyang pulling Jimin away from the tub then throwing him against the wall. All he sees is pills and blood, blood everywhere and Jimin, who was so so pale and even more lifeless since the last time Jungkook had seen him, slipping down from the wall, eyes dropping and razor flinging across the floor.

He can't stop his emotions now -- he can't stop the anger seething through him now as he kicks a surprised Taeyang right in his chest.

"What the fu--"

He stumbles back against the mirror that was stained with blood -- Jimin's blood -- holding his chest and trying to regain the breath Jungkook kicked out of him.

Jungkook doesn't even allow him to do that though as he goes in on him, slamming _him_ into the mirror.

In the background he can hear the others, Jin holding Jimin and using a towel to stop the bleeding; telling him over and over that everything will be okay, trying to keep him awoke along with Hoseok who could only cry as they moved him out of the bathroom; Taehyung on the phone, calling an ambulance and police with a shaky voice.

Taeyang attempts to use his weight to push Jungkook off of him but the taller is so angry that it's impossible as he just kicks Taeyang right back into the counter when he attempts to push himself up.

"It's your fault! You did this to him! You made him like this!" Jungkook screams, angry tears falling down his face furiously as he kicks Taeyang who groans as he slips down towards the ground, holding the back of his bleeding head.

Jungkook follows him, pinning him down and punching and punching until all he can see is blood -- until Taeyang can feel how Jimin felt every single day -- every single time he got hit for no reason, until Taeyang can feel the pain Jimin felt -- the pain that drove him to do this, to try and end his life.

"Hey! Okay! Okay Jungkook ah!" Taehyung's pulling him up and he's heaving, knuckles raw and bloody along with his sweater that's stained with Taeyang's blood.

He looks down at Taeyang who's unconscious and the only way he can tell the man is still alive is because his chest is still moving.

He looks at himself in the bloody broken mirror and halts at the sight of his disheveled hair and crazed expression.

He immediately attempts to calm himself and the sound of Taehyung whispering, "It's okay... he's not going to hurt Jimin anymore... not after that beating at least," brings him back to his senses.

_Hurt... Jimin._

"No! Please let me go hyung! I have to do it again! I-It wasn't deep enough! I-I d-didn't do it deep enough--

Jungkook slips out of Taehyung's hold at the sound of Jimin's broken voice pleading and makes his way into the living room where Jin sat on the couch holding a now dressed in a long shirt and hectically crying Jimin against him.

Hoseok sat beside them, still crying silently as he held a cloth tightly against Jimin's wrist, not being able to watch Jimin like this so he looks away.

"Shh Jimin it's okay! We're here, you don't have to do anything, we're here--"

Jin's encouraging words are cut off by Jimin attempting to pull away from his chest and hold.

"Why!?" He screams brokenly but surprisingly loud. "W-Why couldn't you just stay away and enjoy your life a-and let me die..."

Jin holds a shaking and weeping Jimin tighter against him and looks up at the ceiling to stop his tears from falling.

Taehyung has come out the bathroom and is now standing next to Jungkook, his tall frame fidgeting and tears slipping down his own face from the scene.

Hoseok begins to cry out loudly and it's almost like Jimin can't even hear it as he begs for Jin to let him go, to let him end it.

"I don't w-want to be here! I don't want to ruin anything else..."

Jungkook has had enough and he makes his way towards a very distressed Jimin who doesn't even look his way as he crouches down next to the couch in front of him.

Jungkook gently grabs Jimin's gaunt face in his calloused palms and turns him towards him.

Jimin still crying hysterically as stares at Jungkook and it's almost like he's seeing right through him. Jungkook feels as if he's invisible to the other, who once couldn't even look away from him.

"Hyung. Jimin hyung. Please calm down--"

"No! Why would y-you come back Jungkook ah!? I-I left for a reason! I didn't want to bother you-- I don't deserve you!" Jimin sobs, his jaw trembling and his legs shaking.

Jin can't stand it anymore and he finds himself turning away from Jimin and holding his face in his palms as he himself cries.

Jungkook feels himself getting agitated with Jimin's words and he slides his palms up to the older's cheeks, pulling him closer as he speaks clearly.

"Bother me?! What are you talking about Jimin hyung? You've never bothered me so what do you mean you don't deserve me?" Jungkook questions and Jimin just shakes his head, pulling his arm out of Hoseok's hold. Hoseok stares at him with sad eyes, holding the bloodied shirt in his hands tightly.

Taehyung makes his way towards Jungkook and crouches besides him, one hand on Hoseok's knee and the other on Jimin's comfortingly.

Jimin's small hands find Jungkook's as he begins to talk again, voice small.

"I don't deserve any of you... I-I just ruin everything--"

"What do you mean hyung!? You haven't ruined anything! You deserve _everything!"_ Jungkook is losing himself and his patience is ticking because no matter how many times he says it it's like Jimin still won't hear it.

"N-No I don't Jungkookie! I'm useless! I'm pathetic! I don't deserve to be here! You could be e-enjoying your life right now but instead you're worried about me!"

"Yes and I always will okay?! I'll always worry about you and I can't enjoy _anything_ without you! Ever since you've came back into my life It's like I can't function without knowing that you're okay..." Jungkook doesn't attempt to stop the tears that are now streaming down his face. He wants Jimin to know he's serious.

"You're the only one who can bring out sides of me that I never even knew I had and I... I hate seeing you like this... I thought we made it clear that night... that I love you."

Jungkook's words seem to have stunt something in Jimin who's staring at him guiltily. He's pale, his lips are chapped and parted, his eyes are red and he's still crying -- more calmer now though as he heaves and gasps, chest shaking with each breath.

Jungkook pulls his hands away from Jimin's face, taking the smaller ones with him as he places them in Jimin's bony lap.

Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung watch their every movement, all calmed down now with only the sounds of their sniffling.

Jimin caresses Jungkook's bigger hands, looking down at them and seeing how good Jungkook's look compared to his skinny, small hands.

How good they feel in his palms, how pretty they look compared to the ugly blood stained open wound running down his wrist.

_He doesn't deserve this._

"I didn't deserve that night... I don't deserve you. Just leave... leave me here..." Jimin's says and his voice is barely an audible whisper yet Jungkook hears every word and he's stunned, staring at Jimin through puffy, tear stained eyes.

"No! Hyung I'm not leaving again!"

Jimin begins to sob again, legs shaking like a child. "Why not!? Please Jungkook... please! W-Why don't you understand that I don't want to be here anymore?! If you love me t-then you'd understand!"

"And if you loved me like you said you did that night then you wouldn't have continued to leave me! You wouldn't be trying to leave me now!" Jungkook is crying hard, tears streaming down his face and he's so out of character but Jimin does this to him, he always had an effect on him.

Jimin shakes his head, breathing heavily, eyes dropping. "I do love you--"

"Then stay! Why can't you stay with me!" Jungkook asks and Jimin looks up at the ceiling exasperated.

"I-I... you don't understand Jungkookie. It's not that easy... You'd be s-so much better with out me. Without me bothering you."

Jungkook gulps, and he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what to think or do anymore.

What can you say to someone who's so determined that they don't belong here? How do you help someone who's _so_ determined to end their life?

Jungkook turns his head, jaw tight and blood boiling as he slips his hands from Jimin's and stands.

"I've always thought you were the most selfless person I've ever met... but now you're just being so selfish,"  Jungkook says, voice emotionless and cracking.

Jimin looks down ashamed, hands shaking in his bare lap.

"You have so many people who love you and you want to end your life instead of getting help--"

"It's not that easy Jungkook ah! N-No help is going to work for me! No matter how many times y-you save me nothing is going to change the way I think!" Jimin explains, voice sore and strained.

Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung all stare at him with sad eyes while Jungkook shakes his head, throwing his hands up in distress.

"How do you know nothing is going to change if you haven't stayed long enough to find out!? Like look at you hyung! Look what he's done to you! Look at what you've done to yourself! You're so fucking sick and you haven't even tried to get help! It's like you don't even realize it!"

Jimin shakes his head again, in denial. "I do... I do realize it..."

"Okay so please just let us help you?" Jungkook asks, voice calmer now.

Jimin sighs breathlessly, body still shaking even as Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung caress him.

"I-I can't... you have so much going for yourselves and I'm just a-a burden. A pathetic waste of life. Y-You can't help me anymore--"

Jungkook turns on his heel, arms thrown behind his head as he sighs.

"I can't you're right."

Jimin, Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung all look up at Jungkook who's walking towards the front door.

"You have to help yourself first before anyone can... but it's clear you don't even want to attempt to do that. Not even for me... not even after you promised you loved me!" Jungkook shakes his head, a sour laugh falling from his tongue.

"Jungkook calm down please?" Jin asks  voice wavering but Jungkook ignores him.

"And to think that I actually believed you when you said that... how much of a fool am I? Maybe my parents were right... maybe you never loved me after all."

Jimin shakes his head harder, tears pouring down his face, and eyes clenched shut as he holds onto Hoseok and Taehyung's hands.

"Yes I do... I-I love you so much--"

"Then why do you keep trying to leave me? Why did you go back to him?! After we fucking made love and I poured my heart out to you! You just left me!? To go back to that son of a bitch?!" Jungkook scoffs, hot tears streaming down his face once again.

"Look at yourself! Look at what you've become! You don't love yourself or me... and I'm tired of trying... I'm tired of loving someone who can't even love themselves."

Jimin's sobbing again now but Jungkook doesn't stay to hear it or his repeated sorrys or his _I can't do this. I have to end it. Hyung please let me end it. My parents hate me, my boyfriend hates me, Jungkook hates me... Jungkook hates me so much and soon enough you'll hate me too. Please let me die._

Jungkook knows he going to regret leaving Jimin but he needs to get away, his emotions are getting the best of him and he can't stay stay around Jimin when he's like this, thinking like this. Jungkook knows he's going to regret saying some of the things he's said but he can't take them back, not now when he knows he meant most of it, just like Jimin meant when he said he wants to die.

The thought makes him so confused and angry because _what happened? Since when has Jimin thought like this?_

He hates the fact that he can't do anything about it, he can't change the way he feels and he can't change the way Jimin thinks.

It'll take a lot of time, love, and care to better Jimin and Jungkook really wants to help, he wants to be the person to love and care for Jimin but he's so tired of trying when his tries aren't wanted.

He knows what he said he was that he's tired of loving Jimin but he knows that's not true, he'll never get tired of loving Jimin it's just seeing Jimin not loving himself is what gets to him.

He knows he's probably not helping Jimin by leaving, or by yelling at him and he really doesn't want to give up on Jimin, he keeps telling himself that but this process or whatever it is they keep doing over and over is stressful. Luckily Jimin has great friends that'll look out for him and help him like _he_ wants to.

He really wants too but he can't take it either. Not when Jimin's delirious and not in his right mind -- especially not when he's angry.

All he hopes is that whatever help they (Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung) give Jimin is enough. He hopes that he and Jimin can reconcile eventually because he doesn't want Jimin to keep hurting and he especially doesn't want to see Jimin ending up dead somewhere.  
  


**an.**

**Ugh! I had a whole other worded ending planned out but my phone died before I could save it so this is my alternative. It's still the same basically but I worded Jungkook's thoughts way better.**

**This is getting really fun for me to write again and I'm happy because I was in a little bit of a rut trying to get to the climax.**

**Don't worry there's still a LOT more things that are going to happen and a lot of things I have to clarify and resolve still so be patient.**

**I honestly didn't mean to make this that long but it's whatever... I just hope you guys are still interested in reading :)**


	17. Chapter 17

The sound of sirens outside and Jimin's crying was the only thing that filled the room.

"Please let me do it before they come! Please Hyung!" Jimin sobbed, attempting to pull his body free from Jin's arms.

Jin sighed softly, eyes wet and tired as he looked towards Hoseok and Taehyung who were already staring at him.

Taehyung swallowed, still shook from Jungkook's bombshell of him and Jimin having sex.

He always knew they seemed close but he didn't know they were _that_ close. Hoseok and Jin also seemed to not know either, both completely shocked when Jungkook had the outburst.

Taehyung quickly gets over his own shock and moves closer to Jimin to grab his hand which was trying to pry Jin's off of him.

"Jimin, ChimChim please calm down please? It's okay now. We're going to help you--"

"No Tae I don't want help... I want to die! _Please_ just let me _die_!" Jimin cried harder, hand not even holding back onto Taehyung's.

Hoseok who's somewhat calmed down sighs at the sight, moving off the couch to stand, his arms crossed as he tries not to cry again.

Jimin doesn't even notice he's left. He can't see anything past his tears and he can't feel anything either. It's like he's numb and nothing can effect him anymore.

When Jungkook left again just now all he could do was cry but he didn't know why though? He had expected Jungkook to leave like everyone else in his life had and he knows eventually his friends will too. He _doesn't_ know why they're still here because right when they leave he's no doubt going to try again.

Taehyung is just about to speak again when the door is bust open.

"Medics! Police!"

Men in uniform rush in the room and Hoseok's eyes widen as he backs up then points them to the bathroom.

"C-Criminals in there!" Stutters Hoseok and the intimidating men look towards the scene of Jimin and his bruises, on the couch, before taking Hoseok's word and heading for the bathroom.

In the bathroom you can hear a bloody, beaten Taeyang groaning as they force him to get up and out the bathroom.

"I'm g-gonna fucking kill you Jimin! J-Just wait till I get out!" He manages to say as two police drag him, handcuffed, out the apartment.

Jimin who's still on the couch jumps at every word. He barely glances up at Taeyang, clearly frightened by his words as he cries to himself.

The rest of the police inspect the house, picking up all sorts of illegal drugs Taeyang had, most of them probably in his system.

One police finds the ropes Taeyang used on Jimin still in the bathroom and places it in an evidence bag. Others find Taeyang's phone and camera with abusive texts and footage of Jimin in the bathtub tied up, naked, getting fucked, or beaten up.

They look through the content with deep frowns, and then places them in the evidence bag, turning to tell Hoseok (who had no idea Taeyang use to tape Jimin inappropriately like that) that they will find and delete any videos that Taeyang put out of their friend.

Hoseok once again feels like crying because why wouldn't Jimin tell them that Taeyang was forcing him to do things like that?

Why would Jimin allow Taeyang to do these things to him? For _this_ long?

The medics make their way to Jimin with all sorts of kits and medicines. Jimin is still crying but he doesn't decline their help, no strength in him to do so, as they look at him with soft smiles and kind eyes.

Jin is now standing next to Hoseok watching Jimin get his wrist stitched and bruises cleaned, while Taehyung gives a statement to the police.

"Um Jimin hadn't contacted us in like a week and nobody had seen him and uh we were really really really really--"

"Tae..." Hoseok shakes his head and Taehyung let's out a shaky sigh before continuing talking to the patient police.

"We were really worried because usually he'll tell us if he won't be at school but he didn't do you can see why we were worried. So eventually we got a... a text from Jimin and he told us he wasn't okay when we asked and so we all, with a friend who knew were Jimin lived, came here and found him trying to kill himself while his boyfriend, the one you guys took out, beating him and trying to get him to stop."

The policeman's expression is dour as he writes all the information down. "Has he always been beating your friend?"

"Um we think so... he'd miss school some days and come to school the next day with bruises. Most of the time he wore makeup to cover them though I'm assuming."

Hoseok nods at that, remembering how Jimin use to not like make up because of a bad memory of his childhood with it but then all of a sudden after he moved in with Taeyang a few months later he'd wear it. His reason was that he and Taeyang liked how it looked, Hoseok never questioned it. He never thought Jimin would be covering his bruises with it...

The cops move onto Jin and Hoseok asking them questions about Taeyang and Jimin. The statement process is long and tiring but Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung stick through them while Jimin finishes getting his arm bandaged.

"Who beat the jerk up?" The police asks, a slightly impressed expression on his face.

"Oh um he's not here. He left a while ago..." Jin explains, gloomily thinking about how frustrated Jungkook was with Jimin.

He didn't even know Jungkook like that but he could tell that the younger boy cared a lot about Jimin. Jin really wanted to know exactly how much... though he kind of already has an idea after Jungkook's outburst.

"Damn. Well whoever your friend is he really messed him up. Broke his nose and everything."

"Wow really?" Taehyung asked, his, Hoseok, and even Jin's eyes wide in awe even at a time like this -- a time where Jungkook never fails to surprise and amaze people.

"Yup. Luckily the guy is a criminal so he can't press chargers--"

"Wait criminal?" Hoseok questioned, stuck in shock.

"Yeah. He has a few drug possessions and traffickings on him and few years ago he beat his girlfriend so bad that she committed suicide. The court dropped the charges but only because there was no proof he beat her. Now we know for sure though that he had to if its happened once again with..." the cop turn towards Jimin.

"With Jimin..." Jin frowns.

The policeman nods, lips pursed. "Well thanks for you guy's statements, I still need to get the victims though."

"I doubt he's going to be able to talk right now..." Hoseok implies, eyes identical to a sad puppy's as he stares at Jimin who's sitting, numbly staring into space, on the couch, his arm completely bandaged along with the rest of the cuts on his body.

"Yeah but I still have to try," the police says, unfortunately, before making his way over to Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok following for support.

A short young nurse comes up to Jin with a confused expression.

"Uh so it looks like he's tried to commit suicide right?" The nurse clarifies and Jin nods, expression grim.

"Yes... sadly."

The nurses eyes are filled with pity, but she still smiles softly. "I'm sorry... I'm well if he's tried already he most likely is going to try again so I think we're going to take him in because he should be monitored until he gets out of that state--"

"Ah yes I know the state usually takes suicide attempters into the hospitals but I'm a nurse so I was wondering if I could just keep an eye out for him? I'm sure he'd be more comfortable with that..."

The nurse seems conflicted for a moment before sighing. "Well yes we do usually keep suicide attempters to watch them and try and get them help but his condition seems to be really bad... like I'm not sure if he has an eating disorder or if he was starved but he's way too malnourished and I'm not sure if you can get him healthy again from this state. He might need vitals--"

"I can do it."

Jin was determined to get Jimin healthy again, and he'd do whatever he needed to do to get him there.

"I've got him out of this state before I can do it again."

Although Jimin's health and weight wasn't _this_ bad in the orphanage -- no where near this bad -- it still wasn't healthy. Back then all Jimin needed was a long pep talk about how not eating can effect you and back then he listened only because he wanted to live and succeed.

Now he doesn't. He doesn't want to live or succeed and Jin knows it's going to take more than just a pep talk and he's ready for it, he's ready for anything that involves the Jimin who once looked up to him as if he was like a mother honestly.

The nurse still seems hesitant as she looks back at Jimin who's shaking his head at the medicine one of the nurses is trying to get him to drink.

"Well were not sure if he took any of those pills on the floor in the bathroom so he needs to be examined and if he did we're forced to have him charcoal them to get it out his system--"

"Please that's really unnecessary, he's fine right now and if he took that many he'd probably been have passed out. I have a doctor friend who's worked with him once I can have her come out to help me take care of him and keep an eye out for him. Please just let me do this, please?"

"I'm sorry but we can't do that. I really want to allow you to help him on your own but he doesn't seem very cooperative like he still doesn't even want to take the medicine or tell his statement... so I think it'd be best if we keep him on suicide watch and get his health restored enough so you can then take care of him. How does that sound?

Jin smiles tightly. "Sounds like I don't have a say."

The nurse smiles sheepishly. "I'm really sorry. But that's just how things work. We want to make sure that the victim is completely out of that state and isn't able to danger himself."

Jin forces a nod. "I understand."

The nurse gives an apologetic look before her and Jin both turn towards the couch, watching the way Jimin's shaking nervously in between Taehyung and Hoseok, tears still streaming down his face as the cops attempt to ask him questions.

He answers with short responses and the cop sighs, giving up and looking towards the nurse who nods then makes her way to Jimin, giving him a small smile.

"Jimin-ssi can I ask you something?" She questions, the police making his way past her and out the door.

"I-I don't want to a-answer anymore q-questions..." Jimin grumbles, hands now tightly holding Hoseok and Taehyung's.

The nurse smiles sadly before bending down to his level. "I just want to ask you if you want to come with us so we can help you--"

"I-I don't want any help," Jimin says, voice small but every word is heard.

The nurse frowns. "Why not?"

"Because I... I don't deserve h-help."

The nurse now just looks sad as she stares at Jimin who's blinking down at his thin legs.

"Why do you think you don't deserve any help?"

Jimin doesn't answer and the nurse places her hand on his knee (which was way out of proportion from his thigh) comfortingly -- well she thought it'd be comforting but instead Jimin jumps at the contact and she moves her hand back, a sorry falling out of her lips.

Jimin doesn't acknowledge it, instead closing his legs tightly together.

"Well Jimin we'd really like to help you anyways--"

"I-I said I don't need help! J-Jin hyung please tell her I don't want her help... why can't anyone understand I don't want to be helped I-I... you're just wasting your time... I-I just want to die. Please let me die, I p-promise I won't cause anymore problems. I won't be pathetic a-anymore. Nobody won't be able to leave me anymore like my parents and... and Jungkookie."

Everyone stares at Jimin who's now in hysterics. Hoseok's eyes are full of tears as he squeezes Jimin's hands and attempts to say words of encouragement. Taehyung helps him, hands rubbing Jimin's back soothingly.

"Jungkook will come back okay Jimin don't worry--"

Jimin cuts Taehyung's words off. "No he w-won't! He hates me... I hate me. I need to die Tae... I need--"

The nurse gives a sad sigh before motioning another nurse to bring a needle of something over.

Jin who's face is tear streaked, quickly makes a move.

"No! Hey what are you doing with that?!"

The nurse gives him a piteous expression. "We have to put him to sleep he's too frantic right now and he needs to calm down so we can take him to the psych."

Taehyung and Hoseok both look up at that. "Psych?"

"What do you mean psych?" Hoseok questions, Jimin still in between them unbothered as he cries.

"He attempted suicide so he must be monitored for a few days--"

"We can monitor him though!" Taehyung protests and Hoseok agrees, nodding his head with his mouth gaped.

"I'm sorry it's the law. Plus he's really underweight so we need to take care of that the right way before it becomes too bad. You can come visit him anytime though okay?"

The nurse presses the needle into Jimin and he doesn't even notice her, too overwhelmed in his tears until they slowly calm down and his eyes finally shut -- willingly and even as he's falling into unconsciousness he's still screaming internally and wishing he can die as his head falls against Hoseok's chest and everything goes black.

Hoseok stares down at him, tears finally dropping again as he strokes Jimin's hair. He really wants his friend to get better even if it means he has to be hospitalized, so he reluctantly lets Jimin get took by the nurses on the stretcher.

They all watch with sad, uncomfortable eyes as Jimin's small bruised body get placed on the cot. Jin's so upset that he has to walk out the room, his arms crossed tightly as he finally breaks down against the wall. He feels like a failure even though he knows none of this is his fault.

Taehyung who's arms are also crossed now, and face stern as he watches the nurses pack up their equipment asks, "So you're taking him to the hospital right? You're not sending him away to like a crazy house or anything right?"

The nurse shakes her head. "No of course not, were sending him to the hospital... but if he doesn't get better then sadly we'll be forced them to a institution--"

Taehyung jumps up at that and the nurse takes a step back, slightly afraid.

"No! Hell no hyung they can't do that--"

Hoseok grabs Taehyung and pulls him back down onto the couch, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into the taller's neck.

"Tae please calm down, please you're scaring her, just let them help Jimin okay?"

Taehyung turns towards Hoseok, face streaked like Hoseok's own.

"B-But what if he doesn't get better hyung? What if... what if he tries again?"

"They won't let him there okay? They'll take good care of him and he'll be... better."

There was no okay when it came to Jimin, because the truth was even if he gets help Hoseok still wasn't sure if Jimin would be okay. He could only hope.

"Maybe we weren't good enough friends... maybe he felt like he didn't have us--"

"No... don't think like that Tae," Hoseok scolds softly even though he was internally feeling the same way.

Maybe they weren't good enough friends? Maybe Jimin gave them hints and they were too blind to see them -- too blind to see what he was going through.

"He'll get better and we can help him together. We can be better friends...and make sure he never feels like this again okay? And we'll pick him up when he's ready to come out and everything will be better okay?" Hoseok says instead of his thoughts, only to make Taehyung feel better.

"Okay," Taehyung finally says and the nurse gives them a soft smile, gathering her things and finally leaving.

*  
*

As Jimin feels his body getting placed onto the stretcher he can't even hear his friends cries or his own even. His breathing is even and even as he looses his conscious he still hopes it'll stop all together.

*  
*

Jungkook has no idea where he's going and at times like this, when he's stressed, irritated, or angry, he'll usually find himself in the gym or Dojang. Yet today, well after what happened with Jimin, he finds himself in a park sitting on a bench, his back slouched and his arms crossed and resting on his knees.

He's calm now (even as the sirens are heard) but an emotion he can't quite pinpoint is still resting in his heart and thumping against his chest. He wants to say it's confusion because he is quite confused right now but he knows why he's confused so therefore it can't be confusion. He knows it's something else, something that probably starts with an 'L' yet he doesn't want to think about it right now-- he doesn't want to think about how much he loves Jimin -- the Jimin he promised not to leave ever again, but look at him now.

Sitting at a park after he _left_ Jimin. Avoiding his feelings -- avoiding his problems, his lies. Ha, he wants to laugh and he does but not because the situation is funny, it's because he doesn't know how to react. He doesn't know how to feel right now as he stares down at the park towards two boys around the ages 9 or 10, the smaller one a bit chubby and reminding Jungkook of Jimin as he pinches the taller ones cheek.

Jungkook wants to cry.

Looking at the way the taller boy blushes embarrassingly reminds him awfully of himself and the way he could never brush Jimin off him. He realizes now that maybe he could never brush Jimin off because he actually liked the way Jimin treated him and clinged to him.

What changed?

Just thinking about how Jimin cried for him to leave and let him die truly hurts Jungkook because he'd never expect those words to fall out of Jimin's mouth, especially not with him around.

Jimin use to tell him when they were younger that they would be together forever...

_It's the first thing Jungkook sees when Jimin walks up, the dark bruise formed on his chin._

_"Why do you have a bruise on your face? Why didn't you tell me they were messing with you again?" Young Jungkook interrogates also young Jimin when the shorter walks up to him after school in their secret hiding spot, the park._

_Jimin stares up at him with slightly shameful eyes and chubby cheeks, his dark hair uneven and long ever since his dad died and he had no one to cut it for him._

_"I didn't want you to worry... I'm okay really! I hit them back this time!" Jimin was close to him as he smiled proudly, cheeks protruding under his sparkly eyes. Jungkook knew he couldn't be mad at the shorter anymore._

_"Good. I'm still beating them up though," Jungkook says regardless, voice high as his and Jimin's uniform clad chests almost touch._

_He moves back only to place his hand under Jimin's chin, thumb stroking the bruise._

_Jimin blushes immediately and Jungkook notices it, feeling his own face heat up as he speaks lowly._

_"This is really bad hyung. But I'm glad you hit them back. Was it how I showed you?"_

_Jimin who's looking down at Jungkook's uniform, lips pursed, smiles again. "Of course! I hit one in the balls though and I kind of feel bad... he was crying!"_

_Jungkook rolls his eyes under his fringe, thumb still caressing Jimin's chin. "Don't feel bad. They never feel bad for making you cry so don't feel bad for making them unable to have kids one day."_

_Jimin stares at Jungkook shortly before laughing brightly._

_Jungkook finds himself smiling just from staring at Jimin laughing._

_"How can you be so serious when you say things like that Kookie?!" Jimin giggles, small hands coming up to pinch the taller's cheeks._

_Jungkook doesn't swat Jimin's hand away but he glowers._

_"How can you pinch me knowing I can easily beat you up?" Jungkook replies, voice nonchalant._

_Jimin stares up at him with big eyes, hands still on Jungkook's cheeks. "You'd never."_

_Jungkook quirks a smile. "You're right..."_

_Jimin gives him a bright smile, hand falling away from Jungkook's face to instead hold his hands._

_"You love my affection don't you Jungkook?"_

_Jungkook looks away, cheeks burning in embarrassment as he doesn't answer the question._

_"Well you better because since we're gonna be together forever I plan on showing you affection forever too!"_

Jungkook feels a lone tear slip down his cheek and he doesn't bother to wipe it away as he sniffles.

_Forever._

Jimin use to use that word so freely but now it probably just means nothing to him, seeing as he doesn't even want to live, let alone forever.

Jungkook can't even question why, or how Jimin got this way and he doesn't know either. Sure Taeyang must've been a huge influence on him but Jungkook isn't going to sit there and blame the whole situation on Taeyang-- okay he's _trying_ not to blame the whole situation on Taeyang because Jimin's problems are way deeper than that, other things had to have led to Jimin feeling the way he does now and he knows he's included somewhere in there.

Though Taeyang's the main source, Jungkook wasn't the nicest person to Jimin at times -- especially today -- either and being mean to Jimin definitely isn't going to help him get better, Jungkook knows that. Yet what could he do to help? He can't change the way he feels or the way he reacts and responds -- he definitely can't change Jimin's feelings but he still wants to apologize for everything he's said... even though everything he's said was what he was feeling so apologizing would honestly be useless.

Something Jimin feels as if he is.

Knowing that really upsets Jungkook because he knows Jimin isn't useless and whoever -- most likely Taeyang-- put that into his brain really needs to open their eyes.

Jungkook needs to open his eyes.

He can't keep getting angry in this situation, he needs to have patience and he knows that -- he does! But... it's hard, it really is.

Maybe his parents were right when they said he has anger issues, he doesn't know.

He doesn't know anything anymore.

"Hey."

A voice pulls Jungkook out of his thoughts and he looks up to see Jin standing there eyes exhausted and face calm.

Jungkook nods towards him in acknowledgment, not even bothering to wipe his face.

"So Jimin is going to be on suicide watch for a few days while they get his health up again," Jin explains, taking a sit besides Jungkook on the bench.

Jungkook stares down at the sidewalk emotionless as he takes in Jin's words.

"Then what?" Jungkook questions, voice quiet.

"Then... since I'm a nurse and can take care of him I think he'll come home with me--"

Jungkook looks up at that, his slouched shoulders stiff. "With you?"

Jin nods a bit unsure, "Well yeah I had planned that but if that bothers you then..."

Jungkook scoffs. "Why would that bother me?"

Jin shrugs. "I don't know it seems like you two have something more than friendship going on. Plus you snapped at me a little bit when I suggested Jimin staying with me."

Jin chuckles a little bit and Jungkook's own lip jumps.

"Sorry. I... I don't know how Jimin feels about me anymore... I thought we had something going on too but then I woke up and he was back with Taeyang--"

"And now he's in the hospital..." Jin adds quietly.

"Right so I don't know. There's no telling what he's thinking of... other than dying."

Jin nods a little, crossing his arms comfortably as he sits back on the bench.

"Well I'll tell you what. I know Jimin, I have since he was a teen and came to the orphanage all soft and vulnerable. I know he's very gullible and sweet and all the wrong combinations honestly especially when living with other teens boys that aren't like him whatsoever. But he was strong, he was really strong and I don't know what happened. He met the wrong guy and something in his brain just when off and right now I'd say he's definitely at his lowest and he needs all the help he can get. I really want to help him and I know you do too but it seems as if you're quite stuck in this situation. You're tired and you're confused right?" Jin asks and Jungkook looks away because Jin's right on and he can feel the tears lining up in his eyes once again.

"Well I am too," Jin places a hand on Jungkook's shoulder. "We all are but we can't let that stop us. Deep down Jimin still cares and we need to understand that it isn't our fault. It's not like he doesn't want to be around us anymore it's just he doesn't want us to be around him. He's going through things and we can't question him, we have to help him and pray it's enough because I know he cares. I know deep down he loves us... he loves you Jungkook. Trust me... he's just trying to do what he thinks is the best for us, and that's sadly attempting to get rid of himself."

Jungkook nods, wiping his face with the back of his palms. Jin pouts and can't help it as he pulls Jungkook into a hug.

Jungkook is taken aback of course but can't force himself to push Jin off of him.

"I know this is awkward for you since we barely just met today but just... just let it happen..."

Jungkook looks like a baby when he cries and it makes Jin feel that mother instinct he always feels usually only with Jimin.

Jungkook doesn't hug him back at first but Jin doesn't mind as Jungkook cries finally, hard and voice wavering as Jin shushes him.

"It's okay Jungkook ah just let it out."

Jungkook's never felt this sort of affection, not from his mom or his dad -- and definitely not from a practical stranger -- only with Jimin has he ever felt cared for so this is quite new to him and he doesn't know how to feel once again.

But for some reason he doesn't feel uncomfortable, Jin has a homely feel to him and Jungkook finds himself hugging the older back.

"There we go! See we're officially friends now after this okay?"

Jungkook doesn't respond and instead presses his face into Jin's shoulder, the broad shouldered man just laughs lightly.

Jungkook heaves and breathes in, calming down after a few minutes. He realizes this is the most vulnerable he's ever felt, it has to be if he's crying on someone he just met today.

It's weird though... it doesn't even feel as if he's just met Jin. It feels as if he's known Jin for years and can trust him. Maybe because Jin really opened his eyes with his little speech about Jimin.

Everything he said about Jimin seems about accurate, him being gullible and vulnerable wasn't a good mix at and maybe it was the reason why Jimin believed he didn't deserve anyone.

Maybe Jin was right when he said Jimin does love him? Maybe Jungkook's parents weren't right when they said Jimin doesn't care about him?

Jungkook won't know until Jimin is healthy and in the right state of mind, yet until then deep down he does know Jimin still cares but he's too blinded by his hurt to show it... he's too blinded by the treatment he was all so use to from Taeyang... he just doesn't know how to accept anything other than something negative.

He doesn't know how to accept love and Jungkook wants to show him how because Jimin was the one who showed _him_ love in the first place.

Yet even so Jungkook wants to restore, care, and love his best friend in all the ways he can Jimin still needs to care about himself first before he can accept care, and love at that, from anyone else, and if Jungkook has to he'll help Jimin learn to care _and_ love himself... before loving him.

It'll take a long while and it might be an extremely tiring journey seeing as Jungkook has many weights on his shoulders already, but he's ready.

He's ready to protect Jimin once again.

**an.**

**SO... this is more of a filler um vote and comment, tell me what you think! If you know anyone or you yourself is going through anything similar whatsoever to Jimin please get help! Immediately! I know how it feels to feel hopeless and I'm telling you it won't always be that way as long as you allow yourself to be helped! Think about things that make you happy and surround yourself with those things :) that really helped me a lot, and also keeping a positive mindset. Don't dwell on the negatives, block them out or get rid of them all together! Especially people, if you think someone isn't there to support you and keep bringing you down, get them out of your life ! I swear you'll see a difference! Thank you again for reading so far :) We still have a lot left and I hope you'll stay to read till the end! <3**

**Contact or follow me on my fan socials! snatchim for Tumblr & snatchims for insta! Dm me on any of those if you want my personals so we can be friends ;)**


	18. Chapter 18

"So um should we get back? I told the guys to pack Jimin's things and I'm sure they're done by now," Jin says after Jungkook pulls away from him and sits silently with his head in his hand for a few minutes.

Jungkook nods, standing up and Jin following him.

"Ah you got blood on my shirt!" Jin laughs a little looking down at his pink and white long sleeve.

Jungkook looks at Taeyang's blood stained on the shirt and he automatically wants to frown just thinking about how much he hates Taeyang, even his blood, but Jin's laugh makes him crack an apologetic smile.

"Sorry."

Jin waves it off as they walk back to the apartment complex. "It's okay. It's my fault for forcing you to hug me."

Jungkook doesn't say anything to that, still feeling a bit awkward that he hugged Jin but he doesn't regret it. It felt good to give in, and let go, and he'd do it again honestly.

He hopes to, but maybe with Jimin next time.

"So you and Jimin didn't keep contact right?"

Jungkook shakes his head, inhaling the fresh winter air and breathing it out before mumbling a 'no'.

"Ah well then how did you two reunite? Was it just faith?" Jin asks fully interested in the topic.

Jungkook nods again towards the brunette man.

"Yeah... I think... I think it was."

There's a blush on Jungkook's cheeks but he's totally nonchalant, even though thinking about how faith brought him and Jimin together again really makes his heart thump.

Jin smiles suddenly, his own cheeks pushing up to his eyes mischievously.

"Cute that is totally something that would happen in a drama and you're the main character Jungkook ah. Cool and good looking but a total emotional wreck and romantic eh?"

That gets a snort out of Jungkook.

"Yeah no."

Jin nudges his arm, winking a little. "Yeah huh! Cmon you know you are! Saving Jimin and what not! He use to tell me all about you and I would think aish he's being over exaggerate, this 11 year old couldn't possibly do that to someone yet I never said anything to Jimin because he's fragile. Don't get me wrong I really wanted to believe him yet I couldn't imagine it. Now I know it was the truth after seeing what you did to Taeyang today... he really brings out those sides of you huh?"

Jungkook smiles a little, nodding as he looks at the patterns of the sidewalk; the cool park air rushing past them.

"Yeah. He's the only one."

Jin smiles too at that, feeling his own heart flutter at seeing a new dongsaeng of his admitting their feelings.

"Wah... he definitely makes you a romantic."

Jungkook scoffs, chuckling and pushing Jin away softly.

Jin laughs, taking in Jungkook's bunny tooth smile with observing eyes. He doesn't smile a lot Jin definitely knows that and he hopes to make the younger do it more because it's a nice look on him, it makes him look more childlike and stress free. He can definitely see why Jimin liked him so much.

"You... you said Jimin talked about me a lot... what'd he say?" Jungkook finds himself asking and it's weird because he never thought he'd be open enough even to ask simple questions like this.

He never thought he'd be open enough to let Jin just hug him like that earlier either but he did! And he... he doesn't mind.

He doesn't mind anything that has to do with Jimin, as long as it's positive. Making friends with Jimin's friends seems like a positive idea especially if he wants to be around Jimin. They're nice people, though he and Hoseok have had some conflicts Jungkook knows he's a good friend to Jimin and him, Taehyung, _and_ Jin both have gotten a few genuine smiles and laughs out of him and honestly laughing like this feels nice and he wishes he never succumbed to his parents grants of not socializing because you'll get 'sidetracked'. If this is him getting sidetracked then he loves it.

Jin hums. "Just about everything haha. He explained how you are and honestly nothing changed if I'm being completely honest."

Jungkook gave him a questioning look.

"I mean like he told me you were very closed in and I definitely see that, but then he said after he got to know you a little you were really cute and awkward."

Jungkook made a face.

Jin laughed at his embarrassment, before continuing. "He also just told me about how you were always there for him with everything, soccer, his parents, the bullying. He really appreciates you..."

Jungkook's eyes glaze at that.

He remembers the day after Jimin's father committed suicide. It was really hard on Jimin even though he said his father didn't even acknowledge him anymore, he obviously still cared for his _father_ and came to their morning hideout sobbing as he ran into Jungkook's chest.

Jungkook remembers Jimin couldn't even tell him what happened he was crying so hard. Jungkook had just held him and eventually Jimin calmed down into sniffles and told him.

They sat longer, Jungkook stroking Jimin's thick black hair, while Jimin laid against Jungkook's chest, tears streaming down his face.

They were late to school that day but it was worth it. Jungkook remembers Jimin hadn't spilt one tear before that in months.

He had forced himself to stop crying and was doing a good job until that happened.

Jungkook remembers how his mom didn't even care, that's what really hurt Jimin the most but he didn't blame her.

He never did.

He blamed himself.

_"I-If I hadn't went to p-practice like my mom said then they would have still been together and dad wouldn't have killed himself--"_

_"You going to practice does not make what your dad did okay. He still would've gotten caught eventually and that's not your fault Jimin hyung," Jungkook said grumpily to the boy laying on his chest with the side of his face flushed against his chest._

_"Mom said it was..."_

_Jungkook frowned, lifting Jimin's chubby face towards him with both his hands. "It's not okay? She would've found out anyways okay Jimin? It's not your fault. And your dad killing himself isn't your fault either. He was going through things and he was hurting to. Don't blame yourself for that."_

_Jimin stares up at him with big brown wet eyes, blinking before looking away sadly._

_"But I-I didn't do anything to help him--"_

_"And he neglected you. Ignoring you when you did nothing wrong isn't right. That goes for your mom too when she's being mean..." Jungkook looked away angrily. "Sometimes I wish your mom was my age and a boy so I could beat her up."_

_Jimin blinked sadly then suddenly rgiggled at the grumpy boy. "Then I wouldn't even be here Jungkookie! Boys can't have babies!"_

_Jimin pouted suddenly, "I wish though... we'd make cute babies huh?"_

_Jungkook blushed thinking about what Jimin just asked before eyeing Jimin's smiling eyes and wide face staring up at him from his place in between Jungkook's thighs on the grass._

_"Yeah. If they look like you that is."_

Jungkook remembers the first time he heard about Jimin getting bullied physically. Jimin was crying and he had a busted lip, his underwear ripped as if someone gave him a wedgie.

They were still becoming friends and Jungkook was still awkward but that was it for him, he knew right then and there that he was going to protect Jimin.

_Jungkook was waiting on an old tree stump. Jimin told him that he should so they could talk after school, and he was still weary of the touchy boy but he did it anyways because for some reason he liked being around Jimin._

_He even told his parents that he had clubs after school just so he could._

_As he waited he hadn't expected Jimin to come stumbling towards him sniffling and trying not to cry._

_Jungkook had immediately stood and stared at Jimin with observing eyes. Jimin was heaving and trying not to cry as he explained before Jungkook could even ask._

_"I-I was bad at the game in pe! So-- so the bigger boys made fun of me and after school I was using the bathroom and they came in and made fun of me again and pushed and hit me... really bad-- they tried to hang me up on the door--"_

_Jungkook had took off his backpack and handed it to Jimin who stared up at him confused._

_"Lets go."_

_"What? Where?" Jimin had questioned, wide eyed as he stared with Jungkook's bag in his hands, at Jungkook's retreating form._

_"I'm going to show them that they should pick on someone their own sizes! Someone like me!"_

_Jimin had immediately ran to follow Jungkook. "No Jungkook ah! They're really mean!"_

_Jungkook hadn't even glanced back at Jimin as he continued walking towards Jimin's school, still dressed in his uniform as he caught sight of a group of laughing boys._

_"Jungkookie please I don't want you to get hurt."_

_Jungkook chuckled at that._

_"That's them right?" He then questioned just as the boys caught sight of him and Jimin._

_"Y-Yeah..." Jimin whispered nervously._

_"What is this? Ah Jimin-ssi you told you middle school brother on us?" One of the boys laughed, the others joining in as Jungkook continued walking towards them._

_One boy scoffed._

_"That's not his brother hyung! That's Jeon Jungkook. He's good at sports but I've never seen him fight. I doubt he's going to do any--"_

_Jungkook punched the boy right in the mouth._

_Jimin gasped, pulling Jungkook's bag up high on him and watching from a distance as Jungkook kept swinging until the boy dropped to the ground._

_Even as the boy fell to the ground Jungkook kicked him once and looked up at the other stunned boys._

_There was three of them and Jungkook eyed them all, face icy as stone for an 11 year old._

_"Which one tried to hang you up Jimin?"_

_Jimin stuttered out, "The tall one." And Jungkook didn't even waste a second as he punched the tall boy that was laughing earlier in the chin._

_The boy, that was taller than Jungkook, tried to fight back but Jungkook seemed to have skills and so he couldn't keep up._

_The other two boys that were staring shocked and afraid, were trying to get their friend that was groaning on the floor up so they could leave._

_Jungkook dropped the tall boy and then kicked one of the other boys in the neck. He yelped and Jimin covered his eyes._

_The last boy waved his hands as he backed up in protest._

_"I didn't do anything! I promise I just laughed and called him slow--"_

_Jungkook kicked his hand and the next day Jimin found out the boy broke his finger._

_"Thats the thing. You didn't do anything! You just let them bully him!"_

_"Ahhh I'm sorry!"_

_Jungkook rolled his eyes, glaring at the crying high schoolers._

_"Touch him again. I dare you."_

_Jungkook ended up walking back to Jimin after that and seen that the older boy was frightened. His own face was blank as he took his bag from Jimin but his eyes were filled with worry as Jimin kept his distance._

_"Why are you scared?" Jungkook had questioned in a mumble and Jimin glanced up at him from under his short fringe with unsure eyes._

_"I'm not scared... well not of you I just thought you were going to get hurt... so I was... worried."_

_"So you were scared," Jungkook corrected and Jimin flushed, ignoring the groaning boys as he stared up at Jungkook._

_"No... well yeah."_

_Jungkook stared at him before smiling a little. "Don't be scared."_

_Jimin stared back, wearily._

_"I'll protect you anytime."_

Jungkook remembers how everyone knew about him and Jimin's friendship after that. All type of rumors spread but Jungkook told Jimin not to worry and if anyone bothers him then he'll beat them up.

Jimin didn't like that Jungkook used violence for everything but he wasn't very good at explaining his emotions so Jimin understood why he resorted to violence.

It wasn't a good thing and Jungkook's still like that today which is really bad, but back then it didn't matter to him because Jimin had began to admire Jungkook for his skills and instead of being scared he became grateful for Jungkook.

Jungkook never hurt him physically, or even mentally then and he always felt protected with Jungkook.

Jimin was truly appreciative.

"I appreciate him too... he's shown me a lot," Jungkook replies to Jin, thinking about how much Jimin has changed him even as a kid.

Jungkook was _truly_ appreciative. He just hopes Jimin will stay to allow him to tell him just how truly appreciative he was.

How sorry he is for hurting his feelings at a time like this...

*  
  *

"Yeah so we finished packing all of his things -- well things that look like they could be his. We found his phone but it's broke, I'm guessing Taeyang broke it," Hoseok who's holding a cracked iPhone 6 explains to Jin and Jungkook who just came back from the park.

"You okay Jungkook ah?" Hoseok asks after they nod and Jungkook who was still sniffling from where he stood leaning against the wall by the door way, gets worried glances from both Hoseok and Taehyung.

He just nods again.

They were all huddled in Taeyang's messy apartment living room with Jimin's things packed and ready to go.

"Oh okay good, thank you guys again," Jin spoke, gratefully.

Hoseok smiles while Taehyung questioned Jin and Jungkook, eyebrows furrowed unsurely, "So you're taking him to your apartment right? He's not staying with you Jungkook?"

Jin looked back at Jungkook, still slightly unsure himself. "Well I could always come over and take care of him from your place since I'm going to be around you a lot anyways but I'm not sure if Jimin being in this apartment complex is very... I don't know helpful?"

Jungkook just nods knowingly.

"Yeah it may cause him to have flashbacks or nightmares..." Hoseok mumbled sadly, places Jimin's broken iPhone 6 down on the coffee table.

Jin's eyes widened. "He still gets those?"

Hoseok and Taehyung nod, while Jungkook stares in confusion.

"Yeah well when he lived with us in the dorm sometimes he'd cry in his sleep..." Taehyung explained, both him and Hoseok looking awfully grimly at the memories.

Jin sighs. "Well that's not too bad I guess... he use to scream at the top of his lungs and all the boys would wake up and be mean to him. So sometimes he just wouldn't sleep at all because he was scared of them and then he'd be exhausted when I went to get him up in the morning."

Hoseok sighs too, Taehyung coming up besides him and stroking his hair back, showing off his red from crying eyes.

"I hope they won't get that bad again..." Hoseok mumbles.

Jin nods, now finding the chance to take in how messy the apartment was. "Me too... but I got him out of them once I think I can do it again."

"How'd you get him out of them the first time?" Taehyung asks, now with his arms around Hoseok in a back hug, chin on the older's shoulder. Hoseok's doesn't react much, face still blank as he strokes Taehyung's bangs.

Jungkook glances at them subtly -- questionably, but he doesn't say anything as he thinks to himself they must be very close... it reminds him of his childhood days with Jimin who use to be awfully (lovably) clingy.

Jin smiles at the question, not even effected by their position and instead thinking about the long night walks he use to have with Jimin.

"Ice cream."

"Ah..." Hoseok hums in awe before his face suddenly falls.

"But... but he... he doesnt't eat."

Everyone goes silent for a minute before Jin asks in whisper. "Like at all?"

Hoseok and Taehyung give each other understanding looks, and Taehyung begins to speak quietly. "We had to beg him to go to lunch with us once and even then all he ordered was a small muffin... he ate it like he hadn't eaten in days."

Jungkook frowns thinking about the time in the elevator when Jimin declined his crackers even though his stomach was growling, then the time Jimin declined his offer of food when he was having a panic attack, then... the time Jimin finally ate but then threw it all up right after...

It all made sense now to Jungkook, it always did -- Jimin's weight that is. He clearly wasn't eating and Jungkook doesn't understand why. He wishes he could but that's something internal going on in Jimin and all he can do it be there to help and not judge the other.

"How'd he get so bad again?" Jin asks, voice breathless and disappointed.

"Again? So... so this has happened before?" Jungkook suddenly questions and Jin nods unfortunately.

"Yeah he's always had a problem with weight because the boys would tease him since he was chubby. In high school he took dance and it just got worse. He would do extreme diets and would eat like one rice ball a day..."

Jungkook, who took a seat on the edge of the couch looks down at the floor seemingly emotionless but really he was trying not to shout out why. Why do people bully? He still doesn't understand... he never will.

Why is it always Jimin?

"I got him out of that easily and he was fine. He ignored people, He _liked_ eating, and was healthy... I don't understand how he could've gotten this way... _this_ _bad_. He's _so_ small... it doesn't even look like him."

"Taeyang told him he was getting fat..." Taehyung mumbled, arms crossed as he thinks about the time he and Hoseok watched Jimin throw a whole platter of food out.

Jungkook scoffs, shaking his head just thinking about the guy.

Jin blinks sadly. "I remember he told me that too actually... aish I should've known he'd listen to that scumbag but he promised me that he was eating... he promised and I believed him..."

"Me too..." Jungkook says under his breath, thinking about when Jimin promised he'd stay but he didn't.

Jungkook's pulse still races at the thought.

"He promised you he was eating?" Jin questions and Jungkook shakes his head, cheeks reddening slightly.

"Ah no sorry... he promised me he'd stay with me."

Everyone looks at Jungkook with pure confusion.

"I was just thinking about that sorry..." he mumbles and Jin smiles softly.

"Do you want him too?"

Hoseok and Taehyung silently watch Jungkook and wait for an answer.

"I do but not right now... I don't think that's best for us. You can take care of him in ways I can't I think. He needs help and I'm not patient enough... I couldn't even help him once so I doubt I'd be able to do it this time--"

"Aish Jungkook ah don't say that... we all feel like giving up sometimes too but we love Jimin so we can't. You're still here so that definitely says something right?"

Jungkook shrugs, "I guess..."

Hoseok continues with a sigh, "The first time doesn't always work okay don't doubt yourself..." Hoseok says encouragingly, Taehyung smiling softly along with him.

"Yeah, plus you have all us to help you this time."

Jungkook still shakes his head, staring at his interwoven hands suddenly upset. "No it's not that easy though... it's like right when he left from me he became worse..."

"Don't blame yourself for that Jungkook-ssi... we have no idea what Taeyang did to Jimin when he came back. I doubt it's your fault he's the way he is now--"

"Yeah it probably isn't my fault but I did nothing to prevent it! I could've tried harder to help him."

Jungkook knows he sounds like young Jimin and basically a hypocrite because he's usually the person that is like nothing you do can change some things, yet this is how he feels as if right now and he can't help it once again...

He wants to try his best, he doesn't believe he was doing that before because quite frankly him trying his best never involves giving up.

He gave up twice.

He never wants Jimin to go through the pain of being without him again... even if they're not together physically or mentally right now, he wants to change that.

He wants Jimin to know he's going to try his hardest, as if it was a match and he was fighting the best fighter.

He can win if he tries, he _knows_ this... but trying is so hard when the person you're trying for doesn't want you to...

Taehyung is the one to speak next, voice sad and soft as he drops his arms away from Hoseok who turns to stare at him.

"Jungkook you've just gotten back into his life... he was already ruined before you even met him again... if anything we were the ones who should've tried harder--"

"Tae don't say that--"

Taehyung cuts Jin off.

"It's the truth hyung. We've been around him for forever now... we watched him move out even though we knew it was too early. We sensed his boyfriend wasn't right for him but we never said anything because judging isn't nice, nobody wants to be judged even as we watched the way he gripped Jimin tightly... Jimin seemed happy and we didn't want to ruin that. Yet now as I think about it... seeming doesn't matter. We never knew how he truly felt, we never asked. We didn't question when he stopped coming over or when he stopped telling us things... when he suddenly started wearing makeup to cover his marks that were bruises... We didn't ask him why he seemed suddenly scared by any little moment, any hug... why he didn't talk as much anymore. Why he seemed afraid of any judgment whatsoever. We didn't even ask him why he wasn't eating..."

Hoseok looks like he's about to cry again when Taehyung finishes and Jin looks away from them both, face filled with emotion as he wills his own self to not cry.

Jungkook never thought about how Jimin's friends probably felt -- _feel --_ and it's a lot to take in, what Taehyung is saying... he thought his position and relationship with Jimin was complicated yet he can't even imagine being Jimin's best friends that have just watched him go downhill, not knowing how or what to do to help.

He himself doesn't even know how to help seeing as he and Jimin have only just reunited and he hasn't seen Jimin since he was a kid, therefore he had no idea what was going on with the older man. Yet even so so he can't blame them (Hoseok, Tae, and especially Jin who he's guessing had no idea at all) for not doing anything when he has yet figured out what to do as well. It sucks really, how they're all in this position from different eyes and backgrounds.

They all know Jimin in different ways, they all see Jimin now and they all know Jimin was _never_ this way...

What do they do? What can they do?

"It's not you guy's fault..." Jin gets out, turning back to look at them.

They're both staring at him with those sad, tear filled eyes.

Jungkook doesn't even feel his own tears slip down his face.

"He always told us he was okay when we asked him anything... we always believed him and then suddenly we don't see him all summer and when we finally do it doesn't even look like him. He looked so bad yet all we could say was how much we've missed him and that he liked fine just to spare his feelings... yet everything was just getting worse and we didn't know what to do anymore..." Hoseok rambled and Jin came to give him a hug.

"It's okay..." Jin pulled Taehyung in too. "Both of you... it's okay. Don't blame yourselves... he doesn't want us to blame ourselves and even if we wish we could go back and try harder and be there more he's an adult. He'll make decisions whether we like it or not and at the end of the day we can't force him to do anything okay? We just have to let him find himself, let him help himself and love him and be there for him. Let him know he can tell us things and realize we really are here for him and he doesn't have to be scared anymore..." Jin wipes the tears from both of their eyes before turning to Jungkook who's already staring their way.

He gives Jungkook a small smile.

"We can all show him another chance at a better life... and maybe he'll want to stay this time."  
  


*

  *

Jimin's crying and crying, all he can do is cry as the vomit keeps coming and coming. It's pitch black, filled with white specs and gross -- the charcoal tastes _so_ gross, he wishes he never swallowed those pills yet still... he's never wanted to die more than in this moment.

Everything hurts, they haven't given him anymore medicine yet and they won't until he's gotten all the pills he's took out of his system.

The bucket isn't full yet and the nurse is watching him with painful eyes because he has to go again to make sure nothing is in his system.

"I-I don't w-want to do it a-again... n-no please I don't want to do it again!" Jimin cries attempting to give the nurse his bucket and shaking his head when she instead tries to hand him the cup filled with activated charcoal.

He swats it away clearly upset but then the other nurses come, men that are much stronger than him, and force him to drink the charcoal.

He gags and soon enough he's throwing up again, until he's lightheaded and his stomach aches from the pain of being empty.

"Okay we can stop now Jimin-ssi... you did really well. I'll clean you now."

The other nurses leave the room with his bucket and he lays down against the pillow feeling lifeless as he stares at the blank wall in the cold hospital room.

He feels the nurse undressing him and using a warm rag to clean his whole body starting from his sweaty hair and face, yet he doesn't even look at her or react. He just lets her do his job whilst he daydreams of death, imagining it to be much better than this.

He hopes it will be... he _still_ hopes on making it there as he close his eyes and everything goes dark again.

    *  
*

The next time Jimin wakes up he's still in the room, iv's stuck in his arms and hospital gown on.

He still feels horrible and there's a nurse there watching him. She smiles when he blinks up at her.

"You slept all night... I hope you feel better because your friends called they really want to visit you."

Jimin doesn't respond as he thinks about his friends... Jungkook.

He doesn't even know what he and Jungkook even are anymore. Can he still call Jungkook a friend?

"You've been on malnourishment fluids all night and they seem to be working well. Your skin has color again and maybe we'll try some solid food today?"

"No."

The nurse looks surprised by Jimin's response, it's quiet but she heard it well.

"No? But how do you expect to get better if you don't eat?"

It's a new nurse now that Jimin notices, and maybe she hasn't caught on with what's wrong with him.

"I don't w-want to get better," his voice is hoarse and the darkest it's ever been, it scares his own self, the fact that he truly doesn't want help.

She stares at him in confusion then grabs the clipboard that was resting on the table near his bed. She reads over it and he eyes widen a little.

He doesn't know what it says but he guesses it has something to do with the fact he tried to kill himself.

"Oh um... okay. We can try solid food tomorrow... I think you have a session with the therapist soon. Good luck!"

Jimin doesn't respond as she swallows, gives an awkward smile then leaves the room.

He knows his attitude is horrible right now but he can't help it. Why don't they understand that he doesn't want help? Why don't they get that _no one_ can help him anymore?

_Why doesn't he want help?_

Jimin ignores the voice in his head for once as he notices that the nurse has left the clipboard. He's curious as to what they've written down about him and so he forced himself to stretch down to grab it.

His winces at his soreness and squints as he reads the clipboard, not having his reading glasses on to see the small words better.

Yet even so he doesn't have them he makes out his description clearly. He can't miss the first word and his throat tightens as it goes over and over in his brain, endowing itself permanently inside.

_Anorexic._

His mouth opens yet he can't will himself to question or say it as he continues reading.

_Severe depression. May suffer from Bulimia nervosa based on acid burnings of the tongue and throat._

He doesn't even know when they got the chance to examine his tongue or throat, he guesses he must've been sleep and he wants to be mad because he feels as if that's an invasion of his privacy.

_Them knowing about the disgusting, pathetic things you do is an invasion of your privacy?_

He feels his eyes water at his own thoughts -- his own stupid, delusional thoughts. Of course they'd examine him he knows that, he knows they just want to help him get better yet he doesn't know why!?

_Because it's their job!_

He gets that -- _I get that!_ He wants to scream out loud to his conscious and he does. He's crying now because he doesn't understand why they won't just leave him alone and let him die as the anorexic, bulimic, and depressed person he is!

Tears are streaming down his face and onto the clipboard, wetting the words _Bulimia Nervosa._

Of course they can't let him die... _of course they know... look at him. How can anyone miss a sight like this? A grown man this small?_

Jimin stares at the soft wrist band wrapped around his wrist. It's barely on the first one, his wrist is so small he only needed one button hole to close the band.

It was almost as small as a child's and he wants to laugh because as a child he never had these problems, he was never _scared_ to eat and when his father died and his mother stopped caring, he was always scared of dying from _not_ eating _enough._

It's ironic really it is, that and the fact he doesn't see anorexic, bulimic, or even depressed when he looks at his bony wrists and the new bandage covering his cut.

Yet he doesn't see beautiful either... _he never has._

*

*

"Shall we just get straight to the point then?"

Jimin frowns at the therapist who's face is calm, almost too calm as if she knows him, as if she's use to these situations -- as if she knows why he's here and what he's feeling and _why_ he wants to die!

"No."

It's the second day Jimin has been on suicide watch and nothing has changed; he's still in pain, he still doesn't want help, he still hasn't cooperated in eating, and he still wants to die.

"So you want to keep dragging this on then?"

Jimin knows what he wants and that's not talk to her, so he doesn't respond and she sighs.

"Look I'm just trying to help you okay? I get patients that come in with your problems all the time--"

"M-My problems? You d-don't know me!" He snaps at her and he's only gotten this courage because no one here is going to hit him.

Yet the deep frown on her face still makes him anxious.

"I-I'm sorry..."

The older woman gives a smile. "No I'm sorry, you're right I shouldn't assume I know your problems that's very unprofessional of me but you not wanting to talk to me isn't helping me with my job either..."

"I... I just r-really don't want to talk..." Jimin whispers, throat still aching even after they've finally giving him medicine for his pain.

"Right now?"

"Ever."

The nurse nods, moving her grey hair behind her ear as she sits up on her crossed knees.

"A lot of people that come in for suicide don't want to talk about it and I understand that... it's hard--"

"It's not hard... I-It's just nobody understands..."

Her face is still stern as she questions, "Understands what?"

"That I don't want to be here anymore..." Jimin says, voice cracking.

"That's why we are going to help you so you won't have to be here and so you can be happy again--"

"No! S-See you don't understand! Ill never be happy! And I don't want to be here on earth! I j-just want to die!"

"Why? Life is so beautiful why would you want to waste it?"

Jimin stares at the old woman with unbelievable eyes before shaking his head and turning over on her. He stares at the wall blankly, tears streaming down his face as he bites his lips.

_They'll never understand._

*

    *

When Jimin wakes up he doesn't even remember falling asleep. He wonders if the therapist just gave up and he believes she has when he sees there's another woman in his room, brown hair falling past her shoulders and bangs cut perfectly, like they were years ago when he first met her.

"Hello Jimin-ssi. I've missed you dearly, you stopped texting me a while ago and I was beginning to wonder if I've sent to many baby pictures," she giggles and Jimin can't stop the tears that fill his eyes.

"N-No of course you didn't Dr. Young-- N-Noona... I've missed you too."

Jimin suddenly feels ashamed for being in this state in front of a woman who once helped, along with Jungkook, to save his life... the life he's been trying to take unsuccessfully -- the life he still wants to take.

She stands from her chair, tall body and bright smile as she takes a seat on the bed besides him.

Jimin immediately notices how much space there is on it and how much more weight she has on her than him.

How pretty and slim she is even after having a baby.

He averts his eyes from her as she grabs his small, bony hand, holding it in her healthy, longer ones.

"How have you been? How are you feeling? Tell me like you've once did before."

Jimin doesn't know how to answer the question and once again his throat is tightening, the tears slipping down his face finally and he can't look up at her.

He feels like such a disappointment.

"I-I don't know... like a disappointment? Honestly I don't k-know," he replies a bit frantically and she nods, caressing his hand.

"It's okay. It's okay to not know how you're feeling. I often feel that way too so don't worry. Can I tell you how I've been?" She asks, smile sweet.

Jimin feels himself giving a small smile as he nods, happy that the topic is off of him so soon.

She wiggles a bit, biting her small bottom lip as she hums up at the ceiling.

"Okay so... you see originally I was very excited because I was celebrating Jisoo, my daughters third birthday and I sent a really sweet friend of mine lots of pictures because he thinks babies are cute, especially mine for some reason even though I think he's just as cute. I sent pictures and he didn't respond so I was like okay maybe he's busy, he's a college student and an amazing dancer I've heard even though I haven't seen him dance yet which I'm still very sad about," she pouts and Jimin smiles, still not sure what friend she's speaking of or where she's going with her story.

"Aish I'm getting off track. So I became very worried after this friend of mine didn't respond and even more worried when one of his friends, almost a brother to him, texted me asking if I knew if he was okay. I was very scared at this point and I texted him again but yet again no response so I'm freaking out and my husband who he has yet to meet is questioning me what's wrong. I can't answer him because I don't know what's wrong, all I know is that this boy is such a sweetheart and he doesn't like to worry people so something must be up. Even so, he's very strong so I didn't want to believe that something could be wrong and I concluded that he must've just broke his phone... until I got a call from his hyung saying he was in the hospital."

At this point Jimin has realized that Dr. Young is talking about him and he's so ashamed that he can't even look her in the eyes.

"I'm s-sorry for worrying you! I-I didn't want to worry anyone or hurt anyone, I just-- I just--"

"Shh... it's okay Jimin ah," she's hugging him, stroking his hair as he cries, arms holding her tightly.

"I came as soon as I got the call and my husband looked at me crazily until he realized that I must really care for you a lot to take leave from my job for a few days..."

Jimin looked up at her through his now messy black hair, eyes wet with tears.

"Y-You left work t-to come here? For me?"

She nodded, smile sweeter than ever, it was almost motherly.

"Yep. I told them they have to let me take a few days off and at first they were upset but then they had no choice but to let me seeing as I'm one of the top doctors," she laughs a bit, slightly smug and Jimin smiles too.

He wishes he had her confidence.

"So I came for you because you're very important to me... and I never imagined to hear someone as strong as you going through something like this _again_ but you are and it shows me that even the strongest people break sometimes...  are you breaking Jimin ah?" She asks seriously, and he bites his bottom lip hard, it's trembling -- he's trembling as he looks away again.

"I feel... I-I feel like I'm already broken... everything hurts and I feel like at this point helping me is useless b-because I really don't want to be here anymore and it's no ones fault, I don't want to blame anyone not even Taeyang who's put me through so much... I just... I don't think I deserve to be here and... and I-I've hurt everyone around me... my friends probably hate me... Jungkook hates me..."

"Jungkook? The boy that called for you last time you were in the hospital? The one you were worried about? You've met him again?" Dr. Young questions, sad eyes but mouth slightly gaped in surprise.

Jimin feels his cheeks redden at the memories and he smiles a bit.

"Yeah... s-somehow... he wasn't very friendly at first and I had a-assumed it was because we hadn't seen each other in a while but he explained that he thought I had left him on purpose. I explained what happened... _then_ and he acted very protective?" Jimin said, unsurely. "Yet even then he had ignored me until he found out what Taeyang was doing to me..." Jimin glances up at Dr. Young nervously and her face is still encouraging. "I had declined all his a-accusations because-- because I was scared of what Taeyang would do to me if he found out I told anyone that he was hurting me and h-honestly I just didn't want to cause anymore trouble..." Jimin sighs, continuing. "Jungkook didn't b-believe me and he was always skeptical -- always knowing and questioning me and I hated it but we became friends again and then somethings happened and now I think he hates me... my friends too," Jimin explains briefly and Dr. Young's eyebrows furrow softly.

"What happened Jimin ah? Why do you think that?" Her face isn't serious and it makes it easier for Jimin to speak to her.

"Because... t-they're probably blaming themselves for things that I've caused and I... with J-Jungkook I... _we_ became..." Jimin glances up at her unsurely again and she nods for him to go on. "Very intimate... but I was still with Taeyang who Jungkook really hated after I finally told him that Taeyang had been beating me. He was really angry and I didn't want him to do anything that could possibly get him hurt so I promised him that I would stay with him and I really wanted to but I was so scared... of Taeyang and I felt disgusting because I cheated and I just didn't think Jungkook deserved someone as horrible as me so I left. I went back to Taeyang and he beat me a-again... and Jungkook came for me again after I left and I told him that I loved Taeyang..." tears are running down Jimin's face again and he sniffles. "A-After I told him just the night before  that truly it was him that I love. He had told me he loved me too, he said he always had but I told him that I loved Taeyang only because I thought that would be best for him... me being out his life so he could focus on himself, I thought that'd be best and I still do for both him and my friends because they don't need someone like me in their life. I'm just a big mess and I thought Jungkook especially had finally given up after that but he didn't, after I tried to finally... end everything h-he and my friends came to save me even after I told them I hadn't wanted to be saved. I don't remember much but I remember u-us fighting and he called me selfish for wanting to take my life but I don't think he understands why... no one does... I think this time he has finally given up and soon enough my friends will too."

Dr. Young takes in all his words quietly, almost examining his expressions.

"Jimin-ssi... even if you don't think so I'm going to tell you that you are loved and you are a very good person okay?" She suddenly says and Jimin can't believe it but he nods anyways, as she wipes his tears.

She's kept her composure but Jimin can sense her emotions flaring through her speech as she pushes his hair back softly, patting his hair a bit.

"I know you don't want pity and I know you don't want people to feel sorry or worry about you but when you have people that care about you, you have to understand that that's what they'll do especially in a situation like this, one where you don't believe your life is worth living..."

Jimin crying again, hard and she continues even as her own eyes water.

"I can't force you to believe that your life is worth something but from me personally I can definitely say that it is. You're very loving and I've seen you get out of a bad state before and even if the situation is way different you were strong then and I believe you can be strong again. _I_ believe that your life is worth living and I hope you'll try to see how that may be and I also hope that you'll make things better with your friends because even if you don't want them too they worry, especially Jungkook who must love you a lot if he keeps trying to save you ever since you two were kids," she smiles at her last statement and Jimin nods wiping his eyes.

"I know you're hurting, I know it's hard when you feel like you don't deserve anything and you think you've hurt your friends but truly things like this pass with effort. I know that's hard to believe since you've been through so much... but Jimin ah it does, pain doesn't last forever. Taeyang is in custody and he will be for a while so this is your chance to get better if you want to--"

"N-Noona I-I can't though--"

"Yes! You can Jimin-ssi! A lot of people don't think they can get better either but I know you and you're strong! You can do anything as long as you try and I think you should at least try because people care about you even if you think they don't. There will be a time to apologize to them Jimin but you can't do that if you end everything... I hope you won't try to end it again because for one I'll miss you a lot and two, suicide might solve your pain but it also pushes it on to someone else. Someone who cares about you, someone who loves you, someone who might commit suicide because they feel as if they're at fault even if you've told them plenty of times that it isn't their fault you're ending things."

Jimin never thought about it that way and he can't even imagine him killing himself and being the reason that someone he loves might do the same. Of course if he kills himself he obviously wouldn't know if one of his friends does the same but then again he doesn't know how life will be after he ends it... he's not sure if things will be better or not.

"You have a lot of friends that care about you okay? I'm one of them and I really don't want to hear about you ending up dead somewhere because as a friend it leads me to think I wasn't good enough to make you stay--"

Jimin shakes his head. "I-I don't want you to think that... I don't want anyone to think that it's just I-I-I don't know what to do... when I look at everyone who says they love me it hurts knowing they're h-hurting _because_ of me and I can't help it, when I'm alone I-I blame myself and I don't know how to stop the voice. It keeps egging me on and I just want to end it even though I know I'll hurt people."

She nods, grabbing both his hands this time. "Okay."

Jimin's face falls a bit. "Okay?"

"I understand how you feel and that's okay. It's hurts a lot right now yes?"

Jimin nods again, bottom lip once again trembling with emotion.

"That's because you let it and maybe it's not necessarily you physically but mentally, that voice in your head, Jimin you have to learn how to ignore that voice in your head okay? Because it's only leading you to self destruction. That voice is just a voice, it won't control you as long as you don't let it okay? So please don't be scared of it, everyone has a negative voice and yours just happens to be much stronger but it's not undefeatable. You have people that want to help you fight it and you're not letting them. Then you had a reason not to and that was Taeyang, Taeyang is gone now so now you have no reason not to let them help and I hope you finally will because you're worth something, a lot actually. A lot more than death okay?"

Jimin doesn't nod this time but they both know he's taking in her words and thinking about them.

Finally he mumbles, "O-Okay." Even though deep inside he still feels as if he's not -- he's not okay, he's not worth anything. He still feels that way and it obviously won't change that easily.

Yet even so... suddenly, she's given him many reasons to at least try to change... try to make his life worth living.  
  
  


**_an._ **

**_I just realized how long this has gotten and I don't know how to feel about it haha... I hadn't meant to make this that long but I'm a sucker for detail and I hope you don't get tired of reading so much._ **

**_It looks like things are getting though better right? Haha we'll see :) sorry for any typos and ty as always for reading :)_ **


	19. Chapter 19

"When you think about things worth living for what comes to mind?" Dr. Young asks Jimin as she stands and grabs a tray from a nurse that had just walked into the room.

They're both calm now, Jimin tired from crying and still aching all over especially in his stomach... yet when he sees the tray of food he wills himself to ignore the ache.

He eyes it wearily as he responds, "I t-think about... my friends... and Jungkook."

Dr. Young sets the tray down, not even mentioning it yet as she takes a seat besides him, water bottle in her hand.

"Is Jungkook not included in those friends?"

Jimin frowns, playing with the band on his wrist.

"I... I don't know what me and Jungkook are... after we argued he left and I don't think he's coming back."

She nods, "That's okay. To be confused about your place with a person, especially someone like Jungkook, someone you love relationship wise right?" Jimin nods shyly.

"When you get out do you want to be with Jungkook ah?" She questions softly and Jimin smiles sadly.

"I've always w-wanted to be with Jungkook... but I don't think he wants to be with me. I hurt him too much and... and I'd rather d-die than live knowing I hurt him so many times..."

Dr. Young frowns a bit, taking a deep sigh before she speaks.

"I know you think that you've hurt him and you're probably right but if Jungkook wants to be with you too he will understand that you were also hurting as well okay? And hurting people tend to hurt others, okay? It's not okay but it happens. Just don't doubt the people you've hurt based on their responses and actions okay? They may seem upset with you at first but then they usually end up thinking it over and realizing that you're not okay, you think you're helping him right? By staying away?"

Jimin nods timidly.

"Well he'll realize why you think that and if he doesn't hopefully you'll be able to tell him truthfully. Just... you never know how he'll react so don't lose hope. Like I said earlier pain is only temporary okay? He won't hold your pain against you if he truly cares."

Jimin takes in her words uncomfortably, _don't lose hope, pain is only temporary._ It's hard not to lose hope when everything in his life keeps going _painfully_ wrong and maybe it really is his fault after all but how can he help that if he truly believes he can't be helped in the first place? How Jungkook get over anything if Jimin keeps hurting him over and over? How can Jimin live if the pain seems like it'll never stop?

"Um... what about your friends how do you think they feel about you right now? The number one feeling."

"Worried?"

"You think they're worried?" She confirms and Jimin nods.

"Well they should be, that means they're good friends and they care for you... but you probably already knew that."

Jimin lets out a breath. "Yeah I know... I-I just don't understand why, I hid so much from them they should hate me I'm so-- I'm pathetic--"

"You're not pathetic Jimin... You're someone worth loving and caring for okay? At one point you weren't in this state and whatever you were doing at the time in front of your friends, they must've realized they really care and love you... whatever it is you did, and you probably don't remember but you set an impact on their heart and they won't stop loving you just because you don't think your enough. To them you're enough and they care for you and can't just throw their love for you away just because you think you hurt them okay?"

"O-Okay. But... what if I d-did hurt them?" Jimin feels sad just thinking about his friends and the worry that was on their faces, the worry that still couldn't stop him from wanting to kill himself.

Maybe Jungkook was right... maybe he is selfish.

"You can always apologize and then like I said before, they'll get over it because they love and care about it and they know you're just hurting okay? When you're this hurt you do things that you regret am I right?"

Jimin nods, thinking about how he told Jungkook he loved Taeyang. It still pains him, the devastated look on Jungkook's face.

"Do you regret trying to kill your self Jimin-ssi? Answer truthfully, it's okay."

Jimin's trembling again as he looks up at her anxiously. "...No."

She pushes her hair behind her ear and sits closer, water bottle besides her on the bed now.

She looks him straight in the eye.

"That's okay."

He begins to nod again but then shakes his head, hair falling messily above his eyes. "No... I-It's not okay, Jungkook was right I'm so selfish and I hurt everyone--"

"You're not selfish for wanting to stop the pain Jimin. You're hurting, Jungkook was hurting when he said that and I think he only said that because he couldn't do anything to help you and he was angry with himself."

Jimin looks up at her again, eyes narrow and wet.

"How do you know?" He questions numbly and she smiles sheepishly, stroking his hair.

"I don't, I'm just assuming based on his actions which I admit isn't something you should do because he could do anything but in the past he's always come back to you right?"

"Yeah..." Jimin flushes thinking about that night with Jungkook telling him that they always comeback to each other. He was sure then but he's not so sure anymore...

"What makes you think he won't this time? Did he say he wouldn't? Did he say he was done?"

Voice trembling, Jimin speaks. "N-No... but he said he couldn't help me until I help m-myself."

Dr. Young's eyes soften before she nods once. "And he's right. You can always rely on other to fix problems that are within you, especially if you're not showing or telling them how they can help. You have to learn to care and love yourself okay Jimin, if you want to try to get better that's essential. It'll be hard and you'll want to quit but you have friends who want to help you okay? Friends like me! Friends who love you and only want to see you succeed okay?"

Jimin's silent for a moment before he sighs, looking up at her with willing eyes. "Okay."

Dr. Young clears her throat, arms and legs crossed comfortably now as she looks at him.

"You said when you think about things worth living for you think of your friends right?"

Jimin nods, still unsure as his eyebrows furrow in thought.

Dr. Young asks the question he's thinking. "You think about them but are they really enough? Are they enough to make you think about living?"

Jimin feels like breaking down once again when he answers this question shamefully.

"Y-Yes now... but then, a few days ago, they weren't and I-I feel like such a bad friend because- because I just begged them to let me do it and they looked so broken and hurt and I- I... they..."

"Weren't enough to make you want to stay?"

Jimin shakes his head frustratedly, he doesn't want to believe they're not enough -- he doesn't want to sound selfish even though he knows _nothing_ feels like _enough,_ not even his friends love -- not even Jungkook's love.

"N-No of course they, they're enough..." he says reluctantly. "They're amazing people and I really don't want them to think it's their fault and that t-they're not enough because r-really it's just I'm not enough for them..."

"Why do you think that you aren't enough?" Dr. Young asks, voice calm but the question is serious and Jimin feels his heart race at it. "Did they tell you that before?"

"No... I just... I don't know, I don't know how to -- explain? This, I don't know I just--"

"Okay. That's okay Jimin calm down. Breathe, it's okay."

Jimin lets out a broken breath and looks up at her with these eyes that hold so much pain and hurt, it makes her heart clench.

"I... I don't know, I don't want to ruin them. I already feel like everything that goes wrong in my life is my fault."

His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper and she responds back just the same.

"Have you always felt like this or has someone made you feel like this?"

He knows she's implying Taeyang yet it's not just him, sure he's made Jimin feel that way too by forcing him to believe that he isn't shit, but the situation goes back way farther than that.

"I always felt this way... e-ever since my parents split and my mother blamed me for it. She told me if we wouldn't have went to my soccer practice practice that day t-then my dad wouldn't have been able to cheat on her... I believed her. I still do."

"Why? Why did you believe her?"

Jimin stutters, "Because... because she was right. We came home f-from my cancelled practice and heard my dad cheating on her. Everything from then on just went down hill. Everything that went wrong was my fault. D-Daesuk-- if I hadn't come out my room--"

Dr. Young feels her eyes well up as she shakes her head frantically, hands finding Jimin's again. "Jimin ah! That was not your fault! You can't control that okay? You can't control a rapist okay? Once they have their eyes set on someone it's just that and I know it's sad, but you... you can't control it. You can't control someone that's been messed up since they were probably a kid and I'm sorry, still, that you had to go through that and that you still think about that... but it won't change anything. You just need to stop blaming yourself and I know it'll be hard but one day you'll see that it wasn't your fault, and you couldn't prevent something like that okay? You also can't control what your father did behind you and your mother's back either okay? She would've caught on eventually whether you went to practice or not, and it wouldn't have been your fault. She was wrong for blaming you, in fact most women that blame their kids for their husbands cheating just don't want to accept the fact that they got cheated on in the first place or that couldn't have caught on quick enough. In your case I'm guessing your mother blamed you for her not being able to catch on quickly seeing as she was taking you to practice right? When he was cheating?"

Jimin nods unfortunately.

"See Jimin that's not your fault okay? Your father took advantage of your practices as a time to cheat and that's not your problem okay? It's a trust thing, your mother trusted your father to stay faithful while she took you to practice and he didn't, that not you fault and she only blamed you because she didn't want to blame herself for trusting someone she probably thought she loved. She most likely was just very hurt and remember when I said hurting people tend to hurt others around them, even the ones the love. Your mother was definitely hurting I'm sure?"

"Y-Yeah..." Jimin's voice is obviously nervous, he never talks about his parents and just thinking about them makes his heart clench. "I... never expected things t-to become so bad. Like they always seemed happy and I never thought my dad would cheat... I'm guessing neither did my mother. She was crying and screaming at him... she... she hit him and it just went on for weeks. Every night. I thought it would never stop until they just finally ignored each other and--and me too. I-It was like I was invisible, they didn't even acknowledge me when I tried to talk to them and they would sleep in separate rooms. My mom would stay on the couch for days, drinking, n-not eating or showering while my dad stayed in the bedroom and only came out to leave for work. He would still bring in house essentials and food... he still cleaned my clothes and cut my hair but he never said anything to me then either. Everything changed when he... finally killed himself."

"How did things change?"

Jimin tears up thinking about how much more neglected he was after his father passed. "T-There was never any food or hot water... I never had clean clothes, my mother was so mean to me when I asked her for anything. She'd tell me that I'm a man and should be able to support myself but I was _only_ _14 then_ so obviously I-I couldn't..." Jimin attempts to calm down a bit. "There was always weird men around that would get high and have sex with my mother anywhere and everywhere.... she never cared. S-She didn't even look my way anymore unless it was to insult me and I just... I missed my father so much... the only person I had then for comfort was Jungkook and I only saw him before and after school..." Jimin's frown turns into a soft smile.

"Jungkook has always been there hasn't he?" Dr. Young asks through her stuffy nose and tears eyes.

Jimin's feels a blush on his cheeks as he nods.

"Yeah he's... he's a great... friend. Very protective a-and dedicated. I should've appreciated him more when he cared," Jimin's voice is small again as he mumbles, regret evident in his tone yet no changes ensue of how he's feeling still about life.

"I'm sure he still cares Jimin ah... you two have lots of background that can't be forgotten over a little argument. It'll take time and in this time you have a chance to make up with him and even appreciate him more as long as you take the chance, the time given."

"W-What if there isn't enough time?" Jimin finds himself questioning as he frowns down at the white hospital sheet wrapped over his skinny legs.

"Why wouldn't there be enough time?" Dr. Young asks knowingly.

Jimin glances up at her, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "What if it's too much again? What if he doesn't want to give me another chance?"

"He will, I believe that he will if you make it known to him that you care and love him--"

"But--"

"Jimin ah, do you love him?"

"Yes."

It's in a heartbeat, no stutter.

"Then that should be enough and if it isn't you have to prove to yourself that it is. Okay? If you want to try again then you will."

Jimin is silent for a moment, thinking to himself is it worth it? _Is he worth it?_

For once he attempts to ignore the voice in his head telling him no, it's not not -- he's not.

"I want to try."

Dr. Young smiles brightly, pulling him into a warm hug.

He returns it.

"That's good to hear... I think it'll all go well for you as long as you stay strong, and don't give up. I've seen you do it before I know you can do it again okay?"

Jimin nods, blinking his tears away. "Okay."

Dr. Young smiles happily to herself as she sits up again, fixing her hair in the process.

Her face contorts softly and she turns to Jimin again.

"Can we go back a little. There's something I'd like to ask you..."

"Yeah. T-That's fine, what is it?"

"Tell me. How did you feel when your father passed?" Dr. Young is conscious asking this question. She knows this might be a touchy subject and can't tell by the way Jimin tries to find his words.

"When he... when he killed himself I-I just... I don't know, at first I didn't understand why? I didn't understand how he was feeling and n-now I can probably a-assume how he was feeling since I'm kind of in his situation and it hurts more now than ever. It hurt then so much too but now as I think of what he was going through with my mother, as I understand more, I know that he was truly hurting... h-he knew he messed up and he was beating himself up for it, he was so s-sad and he couldn't even look at us..." Jimin wipes his tears roughly. "Then I had questioned why would he leave us... me... leave me with only a sheet of paper saying he was sorry and he loved me. Then I didn't understand why he did that... I was angry-- I was so sad but now I know that he didn't want to hurt me, he didn't want to anger me. He just couldn't face me knowing he had already hurt me... and just knowing that you've made a mistake that you can't change hurts so much... It hurts so much to feel like nothing just because you made a few mistakes..."

"Everyone makes mistakes Jimin..."

With tears silently sliding down his face Jimin nods. "I know I just... I just  can see why he did it. Why he killed himself..."

"Why do you think he did it?"

Jimin swallows tightly. "To get away from the pain..."

"Is that why you--"

"Yeah."

It's quiet for a moment, before Dr. Young questions. "Do you still feel the pain?"

"I don't think it'll ever leave," Jimin answers truthfully and she doesn't look at him in pity, just hope.

"Why do you think that?" She asks anyways and Jimin's response is quiet again.

"It's always there... in me. Reminding me that it's there even at my happiest moments..."

"When are you your happiest?"

Jimin answers easily, "When I'm surrounded around people I love... friends."

"What happens then? When your with them and you're happy, how does the pain follow?"

"Doubt... I doubt e-everything. They tell me that they love me yet I still wonder if it's the truth... or if they're trying not to hurt my feelings. I-I know they care but it's always there questioning and it's hurts when I think of them leaving me one day..." Jimin explains, mouth dry and voice cracking.

"How do you think they feel then?" Dr. Young asks suddenly and Jimin stares doe eyed and confused. "Do you think they aren't doubting too? You almost left them and now when they're with you they'll always question if they're enough to keep you here," Jimin's crying again but she continues, he needs to know. "I know it's difficult to hear this but it's the truth Jimin, they're probably questioning your love for them as well."

"I know... I don't-- I really don't want them to but I know that they are. I can't explain to them how much I do appreciate them and how much I love them... I just... it's so hard to ignore what I feel and..."

"You think dying is the only way to get away from the feeling?"

Jimin shakes his head. He's not in denial, he knows he's not, what he's feeling is just hard to explain. "It's not just the feeling of pain, but i-it's the regret, t-the doubt, the anxiety... it's so hard t-to face them when I feel all of that."

"Do you think you're much like your dad then? He couldn't face you right? Do you think he was feeling what you're feeling?"

"Maybe? I-I don't know. I hope not, I'd hate to know that he was feeling like how I feel now..."

"How do you feel now?"

"Helpless. Hopeless... lost."

"Do you think you'll ever have hope or will be able to find yourself one day?"

Jimin answers hesitantly, "I... I don't know?"

His tone of voice reminds Dr. Young of a child, in fact it doesn't sound like it's changed much since he was a child.

She gives that same understanding smile.

"Okay. That's okay, let me ask you this..." the clouds outside are shining a bit of sunlight through the curtains and she glances at it instead of looking at Jimin directly, her hands clasped together in her own lap.

"When you think of death what do you think of?" Dr. Young questions after a moment of silence and Jimin doesn't answer immediately this time.

"I... I think... I think of peace?"

It's unwavered and he doesn't stutter but it's still unsure; she picks up on it.

"Why do you sound unsure?"

Jimin hesitates on his reply. "Because I guess I'll never know if I'll actually get that..."

"Peace?" she confirms and he nods once.

"Okay."

Jimin stares, watching her think as she looks at the window that was sealed shut so no one could throw themselves out.

"You want peace?" She questions one more time and Jimin nods surely this time.

"I-I just want to stop hurting..."

"What did you do before to stop the pain?" She suddenly asks, turning his way, and Jimin feels himself pause as he thinks.

_Dance._

It's an automatic for his brain, and heart -- it comes straight from the heart, he loves to dance.

"Dance," he answers a bit unconfidently and she gives that encouraging smile again.

"You dance to stop the pain? The hurt maybe?"

Jimin is back to feeling unsure again as he answers. "It use to... it use to help me ignore the bullies and to s-stop thinking so much but when I went to college it began to just lead me to the pain."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I got the chance to be the first boy dancing as a girl so I took it very seriously and I would... I-I admit overwork myself because I was self conscious and wanted to keep up the image all the girls had but anything wrong that I did could've easily gotten me dropped. So it was hard... t-the girls would bully me a lot... for being a boy and not petite and soft enough..."

"What image do you think the girls have? What could you do that was thought of as wrong?"

"They're all pretty and skinny... teacher tells them all the time that they must stay that way to be able to dance successfully. I could never be like them and in their eyes I would never be them even if I wore the pretty makeup and became the smallest in the class..."

Dr. Young asks hesitantly. "Is that why you've stopped eating Jimin-ssi?"

Jimin doesn't reach her eyes. "That's some of it..." he whispers.

"Can you tell me more of it?"

"I'm obsessed with being accepted and the girls... they didn't accept me. My mother didn't accept me... the boys in the orphanage... Taeyang... I met Taeyang through dance. He liked the way I danced and he showed so much interest in me that I fell hard. I thought he loved me," Jimin laughs, it's heartless -- unbelievable. "I was... _so_ blinded by his words that became so vicious over time. I didn't even care though, even when he'd call me all type of names and tell me that I was fat to the point where I wouldn't eat anything... I thought he told me those things to better myself, I believed that so I'd try my hardest... but it was never enough. He'd beat me... so bad that I couldn't move then he'd tell me he loved me to get me to stay. I never left because I believed him... I believed him until Jungkook came back in the picture and told me it wasn't okay," Jimin smiles softly, hands clenching together. "Jungkook showed me love and I realized that what I was in with Taeyang wasn't love, he never loved me and I realized I never loved him. He was just using me and I was just desperate for the affection I thought I would receive..."

"You realized all that with the help of Jungkook-ssi?"

A blush finds Jimin's cheeks again as he nods. "Yeah... e-even when my friends had bad feelings about Taeyang, they were too scared to tell me... not wanting to break my heart. But Jungkook, he knows me best, he's knew something was up and he hadn't spared my feelings. He told me straight to my face what he thought was going on and I use to be so angry with him for assuming the truth. I always wondered how he knew but I never realized how obvious I was to him... h-he's the only one who can read me so easily without me telling him anything."

"Do you think he's essential to you?"

"I don't think me trying again will work with out him..." Jimin admits sheepishly. "And I'm scared he won't want to help me this time..."

Jimin sighs, Dr. Young silent as she listens to him -- takes in his emotions.

"I know you told me that I need to help myself but... it's like he knows me better than I know myself..." Jimin's voice is quiet again, scared almost, and Dr. Young smiles tightly at it.

"Does he help you find yourself?"

"He... he gives me hope," Jimin responds instead. "When were together... I don't feel as helpless because he makes it clear that he'll take care of me and protect me... I know I shouldn't rely on him though, not when he has so much going on... so eventually that hope I have with him disappears when it's just me... and I feel lost again... hopeless again."

Jimin sighs, head falling into his hands. "It's confusing... I don't know what to do."

Dr. Young nods to herself, even though Jimin's confused she has a feeling she knows what's going on.

"He gives you clarity. It's your brain that's confusing things -- or a better word for it, doubting. You've acknowledged your doubt but it's time to get over it, you can't force yourself to do this and nobody else can even if they tell you over and over that they love you, it's not that easy to believe them sometimes and I know that, I'm sure everyone has doubts on certain things, but eventually you'll learn that they can't control you. You can't let them at least, and I'm telling you when you stop letting you unsureness control you, you'll see a change Jimin ah. Just go with the flow, be you. The real you... without Taeyang, who's currently in custody, telling you what to do and how to be. Tell Jungkook how you feel, tell him your doubts... I'm sure he'll understand and sure, I understand that you don't want to rely on him, but help should always be welcomed and he's made it clear that he wants to help you right? Even when he has so much going on he was there right?"

Jimin nods sheepishly. "Well before yeah..."

"Okay well we don't know the future Jimin ah so try to stay positive okay? I know it's hard when you feel hopeless and especially helpless... but you have friends who want to help you and so far you've been doing better... well with me at least," Dr. Young smiles and Jimin finds himself returning it.

"Thank you noona... maybe I'm not hopeless afterall."

Dr. Young stands up, smile brighter than ever as she ruffles Jimin's hair softly.

"And you're not hopeless either okay? We'll find that spark of hope in you-- you know what I think I see it already? Can you feel it?"

A natural pour makes its way on Jimin's face as he stares up at her confused. "W-Wha-- I... no?"

She chuckles. "Haha, that's okay. It won't be that easy, but just don't give up so soon okay? I've seen you do this before, I've seen you get better and out of a horrible state, you can do it again. Back then you _wanted_ to get better, don't give up on that so soon okay?"

"Okay... Noona?" Jimin's looking up at her and she swears she sees the hope, even though he can't feel it, she definitely sees it.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I... I do want to... b-but I'm scared, I can't stop thinking that it won't work out," Jimin's biting his lip to hold back a cry.

Dr. Young hugs him again, caressing the back of his soft hair. "It's okay... it's okay. That's normal, you'll get through this. Just... just stay positive."

_He'll try._

*

    *

Jimin holds the water bottle in his hands, staring down at it with familiarity seeing as it was the only thing he consumed in place of food.

Even then though it was only a swallow or two.

"You can do it..." Dr. Young encourages and he swallows hard before pressing it to his lips with shaky hands.

It's only a sip, he only intended a sip yet once he gets a taste at how good the water feels in his dry mouth he can't stop, it's too good and his stomach feels full after only a few swallows -- he wants to drink more, yet he can't. He feels sick suddenly and he stops himself, the words _too much_ still in the back of his brain and he hates this because he thought he was over that...

_Guess not._

"Good. That was good. You probably shouldn't drink too much though... how does your stomach feel? Think you can handle soup?"

Jimin shakes his head. He suddenly doesn't want to drink or eat anything and he doesn't know why because _he wants to get better right?_

"Okay that's okay, the iv's in you should keep you settled for a while but eventually we have to okay Jimin? You have to eat, even if it's only a little bit okay?"

Jimin doesn't respond and Dr. Young sighs. She knows this will be tough, it always is. Eating disorders are very hard to over come because it's not only an emotional problem but it's a physical problem as well. Some people get so bad that they physically can't over come the problem, luckily they've caught Jimin before he's become too bad.

Yet even so, that doesn't mean he'll cooperate -- not when he's so fixated on this image of himself, this image of beauty being small waists and thin legs.

"Okay how about this? Think you can handle friends?"

Jimin looks up at that, heart beating out of his chest with nervousness.

"Friends? Are they here?"

Dr. Young sighs sadly. "No not right now but they want to come tomorrow and as of right now I'm your assigned doctor and if you want to see them you have to bargain with me okay?"

Jimin visibly struggles, looking up at her hesitantly. "Okay..."

He wants to see his friends, he wants to apologize and tell them he loves them so much... he wants to tell Jungkook he loves him so much.

"I want you to eat--"

"I-I don't know if I can do it--"

She sighs again, in a plead. "Jimin ah... you said you'll try."

"I know... it's just... it's hard. I-I want to get better. I want to get healthy but... somedays I just can't. There's like a s-switch in my brain telling me not to eat and even when I know I'm starving I listen to it... s-somedays though, rarely, I can ignore the voice but... but it always comes back and I end up throwing it up anyways."

"I understand... really I do but to get better you have to overcome that voice okay? In the end you're the one controlling yourself not that voice. You have to learn to ignore it completely and to not cave in. I know I say this a lot, but we both know it won't be easy. Just take your time, one day at a time... I just want to you to try... I... I want you to live Jimin ah."

Jimin takes in her words, _I want you to live._ He feels himself nodding yet he still can't find it in him to agree with her words.

*  
  *  
*

Jimin doesn't remember falling asleep, all he remembers is Dr. Young and him talking about his mother.

 _"So do you ever want to see her again?"_ She had questioned and Jimin remembers shrugging.

_"I don't think she'd care to see me... I think I would be sad to see what she's turned into after all those drugs..."_

_"Really? Well I think you won't actually wanna know why?"_

Jimin had looked up at her with a curious expression. _"Why?"_

_"When you got sent to the home we decided to keep tabs on her to see if she would ever become stable again. She didn't for a long time and I decided to stop checking up on her after you were an adult, yet when you're admitted into a hospital on seemingly critical conditions they call family first. The only person in your record was your mom and I found out that she's in a rehab facility right now."_

_"Rehab?"_

_"Yeah in Busan, she admitted herself actually."_

Jimin had been shocked. He had assumed his mother would never changed, thinking that she was far to gone to make a change -- willingly at that.

_"I called her and told her a bit of your situation and she seemed concerned. She asked me many questions about you yet I felt like it wasn't my place to answer them. That's up to you and if you want to see her. I just want to let you know that she really wants to see you."_

Jimin's emotions were going wild inside of him. He didn't know whether or not to be angry, confused, or surprised. The only thing he managed to get out was, _"Why?"_

Dr. Young had shrugged, a soft smile on her lips. _"I think she wants to apologize... it's up to you to hear her out and see if you want to forgive her though."_

Jimin doesn't remember what happened after that, he doesn't think he replied though and Dr. Young eventually moved on and helped him clean up for the night, getting him showered and ready for the next day.

It's the next day now, and today his friends are coming. He wants to be excited because truly he has missed them but something in him is making him feel so... _low_ and he doesn't know how he'll react.

Yet even so, physically he feels a lot better and he guesses it because of the fluids they've been reviving him on.

It's a waste of time, the voice in his mind says, _they're wasting their time. All you're going to do is try again... right when something goes wrong -- right when you get out._

He tries to ignore the voice but it's impossible when there's nothing to distract him and all he can hear is _this_ voice.

He doesn't even notice his friends in the room as he looks down at his bandaged wrist -- thinking of how he'll do it next time.

_How he'll end it._

"Oh!" Someone suddenly exclaims pulling him out of his thoughts and he looks up past his out grown, freshly washed hair, and sees Jin running towards his bed.

"You're up! Oh my goodness I've missed you so much..." he doesn't even have time to respond as Jin hugs him tightly. He wraps his own skinny arms around Jin and hugs the older man back just as tightly.

"I-I missed you too," Jimin's voice is a bit rough from sleep and it cracks embarrassingly, Jin doesn't mind though pulling away to hold Jimin's thin face in his warm hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice is soft, lower now seeing as the Taehyung and Hoseok have taken to sleep while waiting for Jimin to wake up.

Jimin looks down in shame, he can already feel the tears pulling up in his eyes and he blinks feverishly.

"I-I don't know... I was scared..."

Jin sighs, sitting besides him and holding his hands now instead. The grip is tight, as if Jimin would leave him any second now, his eyes observing motherly.

"You know you can tell me anything right? I don't know when you thought that changed... but I'm still the same ol Jinnie hyung that you can talk to okay? Always."

Jimin feels the hot tears stream down his cheeks as he nods, finding it in him to lean in and hug Jin himself. "I-I know I... I just didn't want to disappoint or worry you."

Jin hugs him back tightly, a small giggle falling past his lips. "You not telling me what's going on with you is more disappointing and worrisome than me finding out the truth, Jimin ah."

"I-I... I'm sorry," Jimin's hold seems to tighten by the second. Hugging Jin had always been comforting, he's missed his hyung so much.

"Don't be. It's not your fault... it never was. Everyone gets into tough situations and everyone needs help sometimes okay? I want to help you okay?" Jin attempts to pull away but Jimin keeps hugging him, his face pressed into Jin's sweater.

"I missed you," Jimin says instead of answering and Jin's missed him too, so much, but he knows what Jimin is doing -- avoiding the topic; he needs help.

"I missed you too," Jin laughs. "In fact, I missed you so much that I think you should come live with me so we can resolve all our lost time together and so I can help you of course."

Jimin stills at that, pulling away from Jin slowly to look him in the eyes. It's the same expression Jin had saw when he first met Jimin, all reluctant and scared.

"Really?"

Jimin doesn't know why he's surprised, it's always been in Jin's nature to take care of people -- especially him -- and he should be grateful that Jin even still wants to after he's made it clear that his life isn't important to him anymore.

Nevertheless Jimin reminds himself that he said he'll _try_ and by trying it means accepting the fact that he needs help. He _knows_ he needs help he just doesn't necessarily believe anything will work... well that is until Jin smiles and it's so bright and happy that he feels something warm in his chest. Jimin can't help but to soften up because Jin's always had a way...

It just never lasts. This feeling he's feeling, the warm feeling in him never lasts and he doesn't know what to feel about it other than hopeless.

"Of course!" Jin's exclaim pulls Hoseok out of his sleep and Taehyung who he was resting his head on wakes up as well; they both jump up at the sight of Jimin up.

"Ah hyung why didn't you tell us that Jiminie was up!" Tae whined pushing Jin out of his way to hug Jimin, who's smiling softly, a giggle in his chest when he sees Jin gape fake offended.

"He just wants you all to himself!" Taehyung protests, hugging Jimin tightly. "We all love you too much for that though so he has to share."

Tae pulls away to ruffle Jimin's hair and smile at him, a big box smile filled with no pity, only adoration. He looks at Jimin as if he doesn't have any problems, Jimin loves it; he feels much better and returns his own genuine, full teeth smile back to Taehyung.

"Hey Jimin ah," Hoseok says, voice nervous as Jimin turns towards him. Right when he sees Jimin it's like an automatic and tears immediately start to fall from his eyes, he wipes them as quickly as he can but it's too late Jimin has already seen them and feels his heart breaking as he pulls Hoseok into his arms by the older boy's denim jacket sleeves.

Taehyung stands to let them have a moment, going over besides Jin who gives him a small smile.

"God I was so worried," Hoseok wheezes out and Jimin strokes his brown hair affectionately, biting his bottom lip to not cry but it's useless.

Hoseok looks up and suddenly giggles, Jimin stares big eyed and confused until Hoseok pads his tears away with his knuckles.

"I felt your tear hit my forehead."

Everyone laughs at that for some reason and maybe it's because it's what they need, they need this light feeling -- or these off topic words -- to be floating in the overly emotional filled room _OR_ maybe it's not exactly Hoseok's words but Jimin's response to it -- another genuine smile, giggling just from looking at Hoseok's distraught but suddenly happy expression -- that has them laughing and smiling widely.

They've all missed seeing Jimin like this, _happy,_ even if it's just in the moment.

"I'm sorry," Jimin manages to get out nevertheless, voice light and much different from his tensed, afraid apologies at simple things he didn't even need to apologize for. Hoseok notices the difference immediately and instead of feeling cautious of Jimin's apologies (like before when he was with Taeyang and had a bad habit of apologizing (he still has it obviously, it's not going to disappear that easy) he chuckles, knowing that Jimin is less afraid and is only apologizing based on his innocence not his fear of being hit for doing something seen as wrong to Taeyang of course.

"It's okay, you've always been apart of me but now it's just official," Hoseok smiles, their hands still on each other's shoulders.

Jimin smiles back and Taehyung inputs, coming to stand next to them, Jin following going on the other side of Jimin's bed to sit next to him.

"Yeah until you shower," Taehyung says and Hoseok rolls his eyes.

"Yah you're always ruining the moment!" Hoseok pouts and Taehyung smiles cutely at him, caressing the older's messy hair back as he apologizes, touch lingering.

Jimin stares at the action feeling a bit surprised and lost. He's knows they've always been close but that action was a bit romantic. He guesses they've noticed him staring a little to hard as they make eye contact wearily before glancing at Jin who nods. They both look at him, Taehyung gulping a little as he chews on his bottom lip nervously.

"Taehyung and Hoseok are dating, there I said it!"

Everyone turns to Jin with wide eyes, Jimin especially.

"What you two were taking to long! Their ship name is Vhope! I used their stage names isn't it cute?" Jin asks Jimin excitedly, completely unaware of Hoseok and Taehyung's uncomfortableness, and Jimin nods slowly still taking in the information.

"Aish don't listen to him Jimin! We're not even officially dating--"

Hoseok's words are cut off by Taehyung, who seems confused himself, his gaze so deep towards Hoseok that Jimin feels his own pulse race. _How'd he ever miss a gaze like that? Is he really that oblivious?!_

"We're not?" Taehyung questions face blank, eyes questioning, gazing.

Hoseok stares up at him dumbfounded, a blush capturing his cheeks while Jin rolls his eyes looking back at Jimin who doesn't know where to look or what to say.

He's happy of course, if they are dating, he always low key thought they would be cute together he just never said anything in case of making things awkward.

"Ah you two might as well be! Don't make things difficult -- Jimin. They're dating," Jin says seriously before laughing. Jimin joins him unsurely, glancing back up at Hoseok who's looking down face flushed red and Taehyung who was watching him, a soft adoring smile on his face before he turns it towards Jimin.

"Ah... congratulations guys. I'm happy for you," Jimin says and really he means it. They seem like they'll be good together -- for each other. Jimin wishes he had someone like that for him and just thinking that makes him notice... _Jungkook isn't here._

He's instantly saddened but a bright smile is back on Taehyung's face, pulling him out of his feelings almost immediately.

"Thanks ChimChim! I just wished Hoseok hyung would be more happy about my love for him--"

Hoseok looks up at that, softly punching Taehyung who laughs. "I am happy! I just didn't expect it because you were previously obsessing over Jungkook-ssi..." Hoseok trails off, regret visible on his features as he looks back to Jimin who quickly replaces his returned frown with a small smile.

"Jungkook... is... is he okay?" Jimin asks nervously, and they all make quick eye contact before Jin nods enthusiastically.

"Yeah! He's fine, probably practicing right now. I'm his mentor!" Jin informs happily and Jimin's eyes widen a little in surprise.

"Mentor?" He questions softly, confusion etched onto his face.

Jin nods. "Yeah your college was hiring health mentors for students that were serious about their fighting and keeping up their health so I advertised myself and Jungkook called. I hadn't expected it seeing as I'm not one of the bests and Jungkook seems really serious about his stuff," Jin laughs a little. "but we got off well and he's been content with my plans for him so far. I guess he was just desperate to get back on track though."

Jimin frowns suddenly, and it's like a pen dropped in a silent room; they all hate the sight of Jimin frowning.

"Jungkook's off track?"

Jin shakes his head at his worried donsaeng. "Ah no -- well yes but it's nothing serious! He just has competitions coming up and needs help with little things like his diet and work outs."

Jimin stares a bit off before nodding. "Oh."

It's quiet for a moment and Jimin swallows hard, eyes focused nervously on the sheets of the hospital bed before he speaks.

"D-Do you guys think he'll come?" He glances back up at them, a hopeful look in his eyes even though deep down he's hopeless. He doesn't think Jungkook wants to see him.

It reminds him of when he was in the hospital that one time, waiting on Jungkook to come see him yet he never did. Jimin knows then Jungkook had no way but now there's no excuse, if Jungkook doesn't come see him then it's willingly.

Jimin doesn't blame him if he doesn't...

Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung all hesitate on answering and Jimin notices everything, all the hope of restoring anything with Jungkook diminishes.

"Um he was at practice when we decided to come so we're not sure..." Hoseok says and Taehyung and Jin nod in agreement.

"Yeah he didn't tell me anything when I mentioned it to him so I'm not sure," Jin sees Jimin visibly deflate and he quickly speaks. "But I think he will eventually... he's just really busy and looked like he had a lot on his mind."

"...ah. Okay... I-I see."

_Too busy for you. All you do is waste his time anyways..._

Jimin smiles to hide the fact that he's internally breaking down at the voice in his head repeating to him, _he's not going to come._

He tries his best to ignore it but when he sees the ounce of pity in his friends eyes it's just extremely hard to do.

Luckily Taehyung is one to get his mind off things.

"So Jiminie," he clears his throat. "Your  doctor told us that you get out of here soon."

They actually had a whole conversation with Dr. Young before they came to see Jimin. She basically just went over some things about Jimin, his diagnosis and what not. She also told them to avoid talking about things that could possibly trigger him, Hoseok already messed up by bringing up Jungkook who he wasn't sure would be a touchy subject for Jimin but apparently it was. Other things composed of Taeyang, him attempting to kill himself, and his eating habits.

Of course he needs to talk about those things eventually but she said that he was still in a recovering stage and it would take a while before he could get into the admitting part of that.

Jimin glances up at Taehyung sort of surprise. "R-Really?"

Dr. Young hadn't mentioned anything to him about leaving, he was sure that he wasn't completely stable to leave yet anyways seeing as he has yet to eat a meal and doesn't plan on doing so anytime soon... or so he thinks; the hungry ache in his stomach is out reining the fluids that have been keeping his body stabled.

"Well she didn't tell us an exact date or exactly how soon but I think it'll be soon. Jin hyung already has your room set up are you excited?"

Jimin pauses at that, dead eyes wide with curiosity. "Room?"

Jin nods happily, Taehyung following him while Hoseok takes in Jimin's confused expression knowingly.

"Yeah Jimin ah we already got all your things out of... your old place so you don't have to worry about going back there okay?"

"B-But what about Taeyang? D-Dr. Young told me that he's in custody but I didn't ask her for how long... what if he gets out and finds me?" Jimin questions, voice suddenly frantic as he thinks of Taeyang finding him and killing him.

He _wants_ to die... but he knows if Taeyang kills him then he'll definitely suffer. He doesn't want to suffer but the voice in his head continues to repeat _you deserve to suffer._

"Hey Jimin calm down it's okay, it's okay!" Jin says, hands on his shoulders, and he hadn't even realized that he was crying.

"No it's not o-okay! H-He's going to find me and kill me and hurt y-you all! I-I don't want him to hurt you guys--"

"He's having a panic attack! Oh my god what do I do! I'm a nurse I should know these things!"

He can barely see through his tears or hear Jin over his blood rushing. This frantic beating in his chest seems like it'll never stop and it reminds him once again of his night with Jungkook, it was such a bitter sweet night, and that beat was good this one... is far from it.

This beat, this beat filled with freight only makes him want to die so he won't have to feel it -- so he won't have to be scared anymore.

His anxiety is so over the top that he can't even be happy about being away from Taeyang -- he can't even show how truly happy he is to be with his friends, or how happy he is to find out that Taehyung and Hoseok are dating. They're in love and he can't even show them that he's happy because all he can't think of is his mistakes and how scared he is. All he can think of is Jungkook and how he screwed Jungkook's emotions over knowing that that's something very fragile in Jungkook -- something he doesn't show often and usually only to him. All he can think of is what Taeyang will do to him, he's so scared and he's trying to ignore it but this voice screaming he's going to _kill_ you is in his head. This voice screaming _Jungkook hates you, your friends pity you,_ has him thinking is that why Jungkook isn't here, is that why they're staring at me like this?!

Hoseok and Taehyung are both standing now, Taehyung's eyes wide and hands pulling his own hair as he watches nurses fill the room. He drags a crying Hoseok into his chest as they both watch a panicked, hopeless Jin move away from Jimin at the nurses request.

They're clearly worried and Jimin knows this, he hates himself for constantly worrying them and he feels so bad that he doesn't _want_ to be here but he promised he'd try. He _promised!_ Why... why did he promise?

Because of them. He promised for them because he loves them, but this is so hard for him... he hates seeing them hurting and he knows they'll be devastated if he ended his own life so he promised he'd try not to... Yet how does he promise someone else won't?

How does he know that Taeyang won't find him and kill him? All his efforts will basically be for nothing if that happens... yet he guesses that doesn't matter, nothing matters if he can't change to begin with.

**an.**

**Ah this is a drag. I've cried so much writing this :( and I'm sorry if I made you cry reading this. I know it's annoying that Jimin's like this but this is what happens in real life, people feel like this and even when things seem as if there getting better deep down the person probably still feels like this. It takes time to get them out of this state and it's really hard but that's what depression is like. I suffer from both major depression and bi polar disorder and it's REALLY hard. Like I wake up and instantly I'm in a bad mood and of course lots of people are like that because nobody likes to wake up obviously right? xD but the feeling drags on all day and things that once made you extremely happy... just don't anymore and you have to really ask yourself are you okay and what's causing you to feel this way. Do new things and keep yourself positive, never lock yourself up in negative things and I'm telling you it'll make a difference. I'm okay now currently, but it's reoccurring and somedays are really bad but most are good! Writing for you guys is really good, it keeps my mind occupied off of the negative and I'm sorry it took me a little longer to update, IVE BEEN WORKING ON NEW WORKS!! I really want to finish this soon to show you new stuff** **(I'm so excited !!)** **and also because I kind of dragged it on a little bit haha. Like really I didn't mean to make this as long as I did but eh it's okay as long as you're still reading! Thank you again! please don't be sad after reading this! Know that I plan for this to have a good ending okay :) I love you guys <3 find me on tumblr @ snatchim and instagram and twitter (I just made one!) @ snatchims :)**


	20. Chapter 20

Sweat is dripping down Jungkook's forehead as he catches his breath. Everyone's clapping because he won every spar against the fourth dan group, yet he could care less even as the students throw complements at him ("Y _ou're the best in the class!")_ and demand to know why he isn't in a higher ranking ("Yo _u're better than all the fourth dans why are you only a third dan?" One third dan girl had shyly asked.)_ He just shrugs everything off and it may seem arrogant but he could care less, the only thing running through his mind was Jimin and Jin, Taehyung, and Hoseok telling him that they were going to visit him. He had declined, still feeling awkward and unsure about his feelings and how he'd react when he saw Jimin who he hoped was stable now.

Even though his mind was filled with Jimin and their fight and his well being, Jungkook managed to practice well today. He guesses a good healthy breakfast packed by Jin and knowing that Jimin is in safe hands is what kept him focused. His teacher definitely picked up on the little change yet he still caught something there in Jungkook that hadn't quite dispersed yet. The worry still lingered, the unknown of the future for him and Jimin was constantly in question with his conscious. He does a good job at ignoring it though, or so he believes he does. He figures it's not as good as he believes it is when the grandmaster questions him if he's okay.

"I'm fine."

He quirks a furry white brow. "Hm... you do seem calmer today. Even Minho hasn't set you off yet with his attitude what's with that?"

Jungkook glances over at Minho who's had been glaring since he came in today, furious in the locker room as he threw accusations at a confused (annoyed) and shirtless Jungkook; face to face, anger and obvious hatred filled both their eyes.

_"What'd you do to him?! I can't get a hold of him and when I went to his place it was all closed in! Locks all over the place! I know you know what happened to him! Or did that bitch do something?! He ratted him out for selling didn't he?! Or was he just tired of getting his ass beat?"_

_Jungkook knew exactly what Minho was talking about, obviously he was there, he saw the drugs and he knew that Taeyang was selling but he wasn't interested in ratting the other out. He was only interested in getting his Jimin back and making Taeyang regret ever touching him. Yet instead he didn't get Jimin back exactly, and Taeyang got ratted out anyways._

_Jungkook had glared at Minho when he insulted Jimin._

_"Maybe you should be asking yourself that_ **_bitch."_ **

_Jungkook's voice was almost deadly therefore he's not surprised to see Minho gulp. Jungkook wasn't in the mood yet Minho wasn't backing down even though Jungkook knew deep down the other feared him._

_"I know you know something," Minho said instead, eyes narrowed and voice low and accusing as other students watched them curiously._

_Jungkook didn't waver, looking him straight in his eyes, quirking a brow just to set him off._

_"I know that Taeyang's a shit fighter. Just like you."_

_Minho's eyes enlarged, full of rage and Jungkook almost wanted to laugh._

_"What'd you do to him?!"_

_"Aw I didn't know you were that hung over his bitch ass," Jungkook retorted Minho's words that he used when talking about Jimin before._

_That statement, the small eye smirk, and quirk of lips Jungkook was wearing seemed to fury Minho even more._

_"I-I'm not a fucking fag like you!" Minho exclaimed angrily. "Just tell me where he's at! Why the fuck are you making this difficult?! Because I insulted you little boyfriend?"_

_Putting on his dobok Jungkook responded._

_"That's exactly why."_

Jungkook shrugs. "I didn't let him set me off. Unless what he says has something to do with competition then I don't want to hear it. I can't let him fuck up my focus."

"I'm assuming the mentor has something to do with this new found focus hm?" The old man questions as Jungkook wipes his face with a towel and watches Minho across the room glare at his win.

Jungkook nods, surprised that he's being this talkative. "Yeah in the last few days I haven't been stressing about my dieting or training. He sets everything up for me when he's not..."

_Worrying about Jimin._

The grandmaster notices his abrupt stop and eyes him wearily.

"Busy I guess..." Jungkook says instead of his first thought. He knew how much Jin cared for Jimin since their first meeting and he knew where Jimin was at now, physically and mentally, was affecting him. Yet even so he's been doing a good job keeping up with Jungkook by coming over everyday and working out with Jungkook, making healthy breakfast, and even offering therapeutic massages that Jungkook had been really unsure about. But they worked for his sore muscles so he guesses the awkward skin contact was worth it.

The grandmaster has a feeling it's much more than that but nods anyways, happy to see Jungkook is doing better and focusing better.

"Well that's good to hear. I'm happy to see you're doing better physically."

Jungkook quirks an eyebrow at the teacher. Was it still obvious Jimin was on his mind?

"Only physically?"

"Well mentally I think you're still troubled."

Jungkook frowns. "Why do you think that?"

There's a little snap in his voice that the grandmaster brushes off. "You're still running from him aren't you? I can tell."

Jungkook doesn't even question how because at this point even when he's not showing emotion, the guy is still able to read him.

It makes him think he's not that good at hiding himself at all, it makes him question why does he hide his feelings in the first place.

 _To avoid conflict,_ he reminds himself. Yet even when he tries his best to avoid things he keeps running back -- when he tried his best to avoid Jimin _his feelings_ attracted whatever conflict comes with Jimin because he doesn't want Jimin to face them alone.

Jin had asked him (when he declined to go see Jimin) why was he running? _What_ was he running from? And Jungkook didn't know how to answer. He didn't even realize he was running in the first place. All he wanted was to avoid the situation because he felt as if he wasn't helping yet the truth is he can't ever help if he keeps running and he knows this. It's hard, it's _so difficult yes_ but truly, what was he even running from to begin with? Jimin? The truth of not being able to help Jimin? He's still not sure. Maybe... or most likely he was running from his feelings like always and he didn't want anyone to see his emotions. He was running... from the conflict and he finally told Jin that only for Jin to sigh and tell him truthfully, _"Jungkook ah, when you're in love conflict is everywhere and you have to learn to cope with it and not to run from it. Face it Jungkook. I don't know you that well but from what I've seen I know you're strong. I know eventually you'll get over whatever happened between you two and things will be better. Jimin will get better, but he can't if you're not there with him."_

"Yeah. I am," he admits. "But soon I'll face it... I'll face him."

And it's a promise, he will.

*  
  *

"Oh so you're the great Jeon Jungkook I've been hearing of?"

The woman is tall, bangs cut straight and eyes framed by glasses which she removes upon seeing Jungkook. She's dressed in a doctors coat so Jungkook assumes that's what she is.

"You've been hearing about me?" He asks simply, heart still racing over the phone call he had with Jin on his way home.

_"Hey hyung... I... I finished practice and... and I think I'll come see him are you guys still there? Is he doing better?"_

_Jin's voice was shaky as he responded and Jungkook felt his face contort into worry right away._

_"No... well yeah he was doing fine, he was happy to see us and... and things were good until Taeyang was brought up and he began to freak out and have a panic attack. I-I'm a nurse I should've known what to do but I freaked out and they put him to sleep and told us to head home so we wouldn't 'trigger' him again. Can you believe that? Ugh, I'm so worried and his main doctor Dr. Young knew it too, she was upset they put him down without her order. Ugh! I'm packing your meals to stop myself from going back and fighting them like Taehyung tried to."_

_Jungkook could feel a laugh somewhere in him from Jin's rant yet all he could do was sigh. "Hyung just get some rest and I'll check in on him okay? Where is Hoseok and Taehyung anyway?"_

_"It's late, I made dinner and they barely ate but their sleep now at my place. They helped unpack Jimin's things in my guest room so they were probably exhausted."_

_"You sound exhausted. Get some sleep, I'll... I'll talk to him."_

That's what Jungkook intended to do but when asking for Jimin's room the desk woman told him that he was unavailable and didn't tell him why.

Obviously Jungkook had a fit and demanded Jimin's room number until eventually the lady called security. Yet before he could get out out of the hospital some woman, he assumes is Dr. Young, came from the hall and it was like she automatically knew who he was.

"Well I've done my research I'm not going to lie. Guys it's fine, follow me Jungkook. Doctors orders."

Jungkook stared oddly at the woman and before following he glared at the desk lady and security guard that he was so close to kicking.

"So you're here to see Jimin I suppose?" The doctor questions him and he hums.

She stops at a door and turns towards him. In the hall Jungkook sees nurses lined up at every metal door, the words suicide watch planted on the wall in bold letters.

His heart uncontrollably breaks.

"Quiet... hm. You're much like I imagined and yet so very different," she says, arms crossed as she takes in Jungkook.

It's weird Jungkook thinks, she's staring yet it doesn't feel like she's judging him, only observing.

It makes him feel naked even when he's fully dressed in sweats and a hoodie, his beanie on and hair covering his forehead.

"Handsome," She smiles and Jungkook scratches his eyebrow awkwardly. Why is she making conversation with him like she knows him or something?

"Though you could use some sleep," she adds and Jungkook blinks, feeling a frown coming on.

"Are you going to let me see Jimin or continue to tell me things I already know?" Though the statement is cocky, his voice is indifferent. It's tired and not threatening whatsoever.

The lady raises a brow. "Very different in deed. Wow Jimin told me that his Jungkookie is very sweet. Maybe that just applies to him though?"

Jungkook feels the blush appearing on his face darker than he wants it to.

"I... I'm just... a lots going on and I'd like to see Jimin. I have a lot I want to say to him," Jungkook admits, voice quiet.

The doctor hums. "Ah... never mind there's the Jungkook Jimin told me about. Very sentimental behind his stoic appearance."

"Okay you can see him," she finally says after Jungkook just stares, unsure of the situation.

"But," Jungkook is just about to go for the handle when she begins. "Before you go in is like to say something."

Jungkook nods that he's listening.

Her face contorts into pity. "He was very concerned over you. Like really concerned. You were one of his main concerns actually and I'd tell you what he was feeling but quite frankly I believe he should be the one to do that."

Jungkook swallows uncomfortably.

"I can tell you this though, you were both hurting and now your both recovering. One may seem a little rougher than the other but really it's all the same. Mentally your both in the same place, your both unsure. Tell me if I'm wrong."

Jungkook doesn't say anything, and instead stares at the ground to blink away his tears eyes.

"I think it's time to let go. I know it's hard, but I know you love him and I know you can do it." She suddenly smiles. "He tells me that you never give up and he doesn't know why, you have to tell him why. Tell him everything you're feeling. He needs to know."

Jungkook finds himself nodding even when he's not exactly sure what he's feeling. He has many things to say but the main thing is sorry, yet he knows it's going to take more than a simple sorry. Nonetheless it's essential, this sorry so deep in his chest and ready to burst, needs to be heard.

He needs Jimin to know.

"Um... Noona?" He calls when the woman begins to walk away.

She turns back and he doesn't force it out, "Thank you."

"Anytime," she smiles, turning away before abruptly turning back and clenching her chest.

"Gah! It gets me every time! First it was Jimin calling me that and I never reacted the way I did to anyone else but him yet now it's you and it feels like an explosion is in my chest! What is this?!"

Jungkook stares wide eyed at her sudden outburst and she calms, blushing a little bit. "I'm sorry, I think Jimin has an effect on him and it's passing to everyone. You're the main culprit Jungkook ah, making me melt and what not. I can definitely see what he sees in you," she winks and finally walks away, other nurses glances at her in confusion.

Jungkook stands there holding the door handle for a moment, trying to figure out what just happened before chuckling a bit.

She's right about a lot of things he thinks, the main one being Jimin has an effect on people... and he's definitely the main culprit.

*  
  *

When Jimin wakes up he guesses the nurses must've put him to sleep. He's drowsy, thirsty, and even hungry. It's not a surprise really, the fact that he's hungry. He's used to the feeling it's just the thought of eating is new, yet surprisingly the first thought he had when realizing he's hungry is wanting to eat.

That is until he thinks about what happened before they put him out. It was no doubt a panic attack and once again he couldn't control it.

It sucks to feel everything and nothing at the same time he realizes, and wonders if other people also go through this as well?

Do other people feel like this too? What do they do? How do they cope? How can he get better? Can he even get better? Really?

He doesn't know, he wants to really he does but this state he's in now, he's been in it for so long and he can easily say he's immune to it. How can he get out of it? Does love work like in the movies?

It probably does he thinks. Yet he won't know if he can't accept the love he's received to therefore get better.

He's not comfortable yet as of right now he's thankful for the numb feeling currently inside of him.

It stops him from thinking of all the bad things that have happened to him. It stops him from the thinking about all the bad people. It stops him from thinking about what he's done, all the bad he's done.

It doesn't stop him from thinking about who he's hurt though, not when the main person he's hurt is standing, staring right at him with those big doe eyes filled with questions he's not sure he can answer yet.

Or ever.

Jungkook had been waiting for Jimin to wake up for hours now. His legs were numb from sitting yet there was no sign of impatience in his body. He had been thinking of what to say, he had been thinking of how Jimin would react, he had been thinking of how someone could still be so beautiful after everything that has happened to them.

Jimin sleeping was a sight he wants everyone to see. He wants everyone to see how peaceful and ethereal he looks. How unbothered by the truth he looks.

Jungkook's ready to face the truth with him, he's ready to accept everything, he's ready to be patient because Jimin's worth it. He knows things will go downhill and just wrong in general but he's ready for it, he's ready to start over again and again until they can't anymore and just have to get over it.

"I'm sorry," it comes out unfiltered and raw, his voice cracking with emotion because really what he wants to say is ' _I love you'_ but this apology was needed, he _needs_ Jimin to know yet this I love you is tapping against his heart repeatedly, waiting to follow the sorry.

Jimin doesn't know why he's sorry, Jimin never knows anything, he never understands and maybe that's the problem. Maybe he needs to learn how to understand, how to accept without being blinded by unsureness.

"N-No I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I-I--" he's sitting up now, hands holding onto the bed bars tightly as he stares wide eyed at Jungkook. It's like if he blinks the other will go away so he tries not to, not even willingly to brush his hair off his forehead in case of missing this sight of Jungkook.

Jungkook's always been so handsome, even when he's obviously nervous.

"I love you," it's unexpected to Jimin and his eyes well up at the force of the words.

Why? Is all he can think of and he grips the bed tighter instead of replying.

Jungkook walks closer, hesitating and stammering but his words are true. "You don't have to say anything I just want you to know I love you Jimin. I might not be the best at showing it or I might not be the best at expressing in general but I mean it. I know it won't change much or what you're feeling... but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I love you. I know-- i-i understands that it's hard for you to believe that but it's the truth. I-I'm here for you and I'm not leaving this time so I'd advise for you not to push me away because you think that. I mean it okay?"

This Jungkook reminds Jimin of younger times, back when Jungkook was all talk and determination fueled by love.

Jimin realizes it hasn't went anywhere, Jungkook's still determined, he's still talk just when he needs to or wants to.

He's still in love.

Behind those determined eyes there is love yet Jimin still never knows why and maybe he'll never know.

Maybe he doesn't need to.

"Please accept that. I... I'm not going anywhere Jimin," he swallows hard when all Jimin can do is stare at him, hands now in his lap.

"Why don't you ever give up?" Jimin asks instead, voice quiet and almost unheard. When things go wrong that's the first thing he thinks of doing, giving up.

Before things got too bad he willed himself not to yet he doesn't remember how. He guesses it was the little piece of hope still in him, that little piece that had disappeared but suddenly appeared again with Jungkook's words.

_Are they true?_

Jungkook stammers again on a response, looking hard at the blank wall as he thinks of what to say.

"Whatever I do you always find a way to bring me back. I always want to know that you're safe and after seeing all you've been through I just want to see you happy again and I can't give up until that happens."

Even when things were bad for Jimin as a kid he always found a way to smile, Jungkook wants that permanent smile back.

It was the thing that fueled him to begin with. It had him addicted, it made him want to protect.

"I keep hurting you Jungkook ah..." Jimin says even quieter this time. He can't look Jungkook in his eyes and Jungkook wants him to. He makes his way around Jimin's bed and crouches.

His eyes find Jimin's and Jimin can't avoid him this time, not when they're looking at him like _that._

"I'm not the only one hurting Jimin, think about yourself," Jimin turns away  at that and Jungkook's hands softly find the sides of his face.

"Hey, look at me," Jimin's own hands grab a hold of Jungkook's cautiously. He holds on tightly at the feeling he's missed for so long it seems.

"I want you to think about yourself. I want us to both get better and I know it won't work if we're like this -- I-I know _I_ can't be the same knowing you're like this. It- It makes me feel as if I failed even though I know you're not a test! You're much more... so much more than that. _And I want every piece of you..._ to be healthy and happy. I... I want you to know that I don't think you're selfish, I was just upset because I couldn't help you. I'm still not sure if I can help you in ways you need but I still want you to know. I want to try if you want to and it doesn't have to be right away. We can start over and take things slow, we can be friends. Does that sound okay?"

Jimin nods quicker than ever, hands trembling on Jungkook's own.

Jungkook's nodding too, breath shaking as a smile graces his lips. Soon the smile turns into a laugh, a shaky unbelievable laugh as he turns towards the door where Dr. Young is watching through, a proud smile on her face.

He turns back to Jimin and Jimin's smiling too. It's weary and full of self consciousness but he wears it, he can't hold it back -- he's so _happy,_ Jungkook doesn't hate him, in fact just by him smiling makes Jungkook's heart beat all the same ways as before.

Before everything went wrong.

Jimin doesn't think about that though, how everything went wrong. He doesn't imagine what if, or if things will go bad in the future. He only enjoys this moment of Jungkook holding him and smiling at him like he doesn't _hate_ him.

Knowing that Jungkook doesn't hate him officially makes him want to try to get better and in this moment he thinks maybe it won't be useless after all.

*

   *

Getting better, Jimin realizes, means recovery.

Recovery is something Jimin dreads, because for one you have to truly face the fact that you _just do need help._ It's hard, its emotional, and it's stressful.

There's a 50/50 chance it won't even work as well and that just adds on to what Jimin is feeling; scared, indecisive, repulsive.

Luckily Jimin realizes he does need help, he understands he needs it -- really. It's just he doesn't completely understand why or how and that's completely normal -- being confused is normal. Not understanding what's wrong with you is normal! And it takes a lot for Jimin to understand that.

It all starts off with knowing he's safe and both Jungkook and Dr. Young help with that.

"He won't hurt you anymore, _I promise."_

Jungkook didn't keep his promise last time and Jimin was hurt, yet Jimin understands how much Jungkook was also hurting so he didn't hold last time against him and listened this time.

He didn't believe yet though, it still wasn't in him to do so.

Dr. Young had a feeling that even after Jimin talked to Jungkook (who she had to basically force to leave because he insisted on staying and watching Jimin sleep more, not caring about his own sleep) he still would feel unsafe in regards to Taeyang forever unless he was absolutely sure that Taeyang couldn't get to him. And of course feeling unsafe leads to panic attacks and she couldn't have that so she made it her job to get Jimin to understand that Taeyang couldn't hurt him anymore.

She told him how the older, abusive man was in a health facility for stabilizing his mental health and he wouldn't be getting out for a while. He was originally supposed to go to prison for a good while yet the prison he was going to be in held his one and only uncle Daesuk. He pretty much freaked out and the truth was revealed, Daesuk who raped Jimin had also raped him. Dr. Young only found out because she was following up on Taeyang, she hadn't expected anything like that and had asked Jimin, who couldn't help but feel pity for the older, did he know about that.

"I-I had a feeling he had gone through something like that when he was younger b-but I hadn't expected it to be by... Daesuk I-I definitely hadn't expected Daesuk out of all people to be his u-uncle as well..." it sounded crazy just coming out of Jimin's mouth and suddenly he felt nauseous, he felt so sick, why was he feeling so horrible for Taeyang?

Probably because he understands a bit of what the other must've went through and he knows how much it breaks.

He knows how it feels to be broken down and basically useless.

Jimin could only imagine how much worse Taeyang had it though. Dr. Young told Jimin she had spoken to Taeyang's therapist and apparently Taeyang had been getting assaulted by his his uncle since he was a child. Jimin felt his heart break even more, thinking that that must for sure be the reason why Taeyang was the way he was.

He was the most hurt amongst them all.

Dr. Young agreed with him, saying that things like that could shape the brain especially if the brain is still growing and that was all Taeyang knew.

He knew it was wrong yet he couldn't stop himself from doing the same.

It was a feel mechanism, he wanted someone to _feel_ what he went through. Sadly that person that felt had to be Jimin. 

Oddly Jimin understood what he was going through more after realizing that Taeyang's own parents didn't believe him. In fact he wanted to hug Taeyang because he understands how it feels to be ignored when crying out for help.

It's like a pen dropping in a silent room, on a wood floor, and nobody hearing it.

It hurts. Taeyang was hurt -- Taeyang is hurt and _Jimin understands_ because he's hurting too.

Yet even so... Recovery means letting go and forgiving.

"Y-You... look better," Jimin nods, heart racing out of his chest in worry and fear as he stares at the handcuffed, old bruised man who _broke_ him.

Taeyang's hair is shaven clean along with his face and he looks way different, younger even with the bruises that are still fading on his face. There's no traces of red in neither his eyes or the outside of his nose and Jimin realizes how handsome he still is when he's not high off drugs.

Taeyang stares at Jimin and instead of anger there's remorse, _regret_.

He looks away, towards the white hospital walls that Jimin had been surrounded by for weeks, voice calm but shaking. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He's referring to Daesuk obviously. He had been experiencing ptsd after seeing the man and they resorted him to a mental facility where they found out he was facing more than that, the main being narcissistic personality disorder. He wasn't coping or actually getting better until Dr. Young came to the mental facility and told him about Jimin and Daesuk. He shut everyone off and turned over on his bed to cry. Yet a few days later there was progress, he wanted to apologize to Jimin.

But... how could he face him? He asked Dr. Young his biggest concern and all she could do was give a small smile.

It all turned out fine though because although Jimin was terrified, he was also ready to let go and to forgive... everything, the hurt, the pain, and especially the sorrow.

"I always tried to... b-but you never seemed interested in my past," Jimin admitted in a whisper, fingers fiddling and a small nervous smile pressed on his lips.

After everything he still wants to hate Taeyang -- he _did_ hate Taeyang for _so long._ Yet now he doesn't, he feels pity now but for ever he's never wished badly upon him and instead he just wants Taeyang to get better...

That's all he's ever wanted besides wanting Taeyang to love him.

He doesn't want the second one anymore, the man who he knows (sometimes he still questions) loves him is standing outside the door anxious sand agitated even after he glared Taeyang down for everything he's done to Jimin, still upset -- even when Jimin told him to let it go, because _he has._

Jungkook had stared at him wide eyed and asked him how he could just let that go and Jimin just replied letting go is easy -- forgetting is easy (Jungkook should know after all the times he's tried to forget Jimin & his face flushed in apology when Jimin brought it up) -- forgiving is hard.

But if he wants to recover fully he'll forgive, because forgiving is the key to moving on.

Taeyang hadn't even glanced Jungkook's way, looking down in what could have been terror.

Jimin didn't want him to be scared even if that's all he felt from him for years.

He knows the feeling, he knows they both _know_ the feeling. Yet Taeyang made him go through that unknowingly and of course even if he didn't know he's still at fault. He still shouldn't have down that but Jimin doesn't hold him against it, Jimin wants to move on.

Without either of them being scared.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I-I never knew-- you should've just told me--"

"It's okay! It's okay, really it's okay," Jimin cuts Taeyang's sudden frantic rant off with his own.

It's not okay, but Jimin wants it to be.

"Even if I told you it probably wouldn't have changed much... you were h-hurting and hurt people hurt others," Jimin nods again, repeating Dr. Young's words to him. "I understand... probably not everything you were going through but some of it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help you and that we ended up like this."

Taeyang is just staring at him, tears rushing down his face and Jimin's never seen him look so... raw and unbarred of his emotions.

"Me too. Jimin... I'm sorry too. I know nothing I say will change anything but I  still hope you can forgive me one day. If I knew that bastard did that to you, then everything would be different..."

"Or you probably would've done what you did to me to someone else..." Jimin says what he's feeling and something in Taeyang's eyes flash (angry Jimin thinks) and he can't help but to blurt out suddenly ( _still)_ afraid, "sorry, I mean--"

"Yeah. You're right. I probably would have," is actually what Taeyang says instead, calmly, and Jimin's shocked into silence, mouth agape and looking past his black fringe to Taeyang who's looking down at his handcuffed hands.

"Maybe this is better for me. I... I was angry when you tried to kill yourself and it wasn't even at the fact that I thought you wanted to leave me. It was because I knew I was the reason why. Knowing that hurts and don't try to deny it, I know I am. I've accepted it and I'm actually truly happy to see you getting better... I'm happy that you have people that care about you. You've always cared about me even when I hurt you, so you deserve it," Taeyang offers Jimin a small smile and Jimin blinks his tears away and smiles back, a real sweet one. "Being in the facility made me think a lot, mostly about you. I've never loved you and I'm sorry for that..." Jimin swallows hard even though he always knew, it still hurts -- the confirmation. "but I've adored you since I saw you. I was jealous at your ability to cope and be free and happy and I hate knowing that I broke you because of my own unhappiness. I'm better now... even though I still get upset, I still get angry, and I still get sad. I'm coping though, knowing that you're getting better. I hope you're doing better... you look good with no bruises on you."

Jimin smiles at Taeyang's attempt of a joke and holds out his hand, Taeyang's own smile drops a little bit into confusion because why does Jimin want to hold his hand? Why does Jimin want _anything_ to do with _him?_ He doesn't even know why Jimin agreed to this meeting honestly yet his eyes get blurry, his lips tighten into a sheepish smile and his own calloused hands find Jimin's small soft one.

Jimin caresses Taeyang's hand. The hand that had been slapping him around for years, the hand he wouldn't even think of touching -- even when Taeyang was sleep. That's how bad he hated this hand... yet now he's holding it and he thinks of all the good things the hand could've done.

He thinks of all the good Taeyang _could_ do one day and as he holds Taeyang's hand he doesn't find himself scared of it anymore.

He doesn't find himself scared of Taeyang anymore.

"I want you to know that I don't hate you... yeah you hurt me, you really really hurt me," Jimin looks him in the eyes. "But you already know that, we both do and all we can do is move on. I'm not holding anything against you, I'm not pressing charges... I just want to see you get better. I-I want to get better. I want us both to live on happy and... separately."

Taeyang closes his eyes tightly, tears dripping down his face and Jimin lets out a breath, catching eyes with Jungkook and Dr. Young who's been watching through the window.

She offers a big smile and thumbs up while Jungkook nods once.

Jimin grabs Taeyang's other hand and holds them tightly. "Can we do that please?"

Taeyang opens his eyes and nods, seeing Jimin's own tears fall down his face as the word _separately_ keeps repeating in his brain.

"It's all you've ever wanted huh? To be away from me and I just locked you in even when I knew I was no good for you... I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

Taeyang smiles softly and Jimin thinks it's cute -- _he's never saw Taeyang as cute._ It must be a big change.

"You've always been so forgiving, why?"

Jimin shrugs. "To move on you gotta forgive, even yourself..."

"I _wish_ I could do that. But I can't. Not now, not in a long time... knowing you forgive me is enough for now though I guess."

Jimin smiles, "And that's okay."

Recovery means accepting.

Accepting help and accepting that you're the one who needs it.

Accepting is hard Jimin learns, even after you've forgiven.

His last days in the hospital are full of recovering and he wants to hate it yet he knows he needs it.

He's still not sure if he wants it after realizing how hard it is.

_"Borderline Personality Disorder."_

**Borderline Personality Disorder.**

It's what Dr. Young diagnoses him with after a few of their talks. He hadn't known what that was, the only mental health disorders he's ever heard of was depression and bipolar disorder so he's confused of course, yet she explains it to him and he cried because it's absolutely _him._

_He accepts it._

_"Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships. It is often confused with depression and bi polar disorder but it's... much more complicated in my opinion. It's very hard to surpass for most people, seeing as insecurities are everywhere, but you're not most people Jimin and I believe in you."_

Recovery means be believing.

Jimin has to believe that people love and care about him.

Jimin has to believe that he _can_ get better.

"It's all in time kid," Yoongi had said to him when he and Namjoon visited one day.

He had been surprised to see them of course, not expecting them to still want to associate with him after Taeyang was put away.

Yet surprisingly they never liked Taeyang to begin with and apologized to Jimin for not helping him when they knew he needed it.

He had waved it off, telling them that he talked to Taeyang and he was actually doing better now. They were shocked, especially when Jimin told them that Taeyang wanted to apologize to _them_ as well. They still weren't sure about it but seeing how much happier Jimin looked made them agree. Jimin offered them a brave smile, a _real_ smile that had Namjoon gushing and Yoongi offering his own gummy one, then telling him about how he and Namjoon couldn't wait for him to get better so they could work on some new performances -- if he was interested of course, and Jimin was.

Taehyung and Hoseok who, apparently, became good friends with them recently had shouted in joy as they heard in on the conversation when they walked in.

Jin had been confused, walking in the room behind them and seeing two men he hadn't met.

Jin ended up falling for one of those men at the end of the visit, no longer confused and instead intrigued by a clumsy, gushy, teddy bear looking rapper that went by the stage name Rapmonster.

Jimin had smiled at the sight of Jin being in love at first sight and Taehyung and Hoseok teased him only for him to decline and say that he just thought Namjoon was cute.

Jimin knew it was much more than that yet he didn't have time to say much when everyone was crushing him with hugs and Jin was landing a kiss on his cheek to silence him.

Recovery means... trying over and over till you succeed.

"Just one more bite Jimin you can do it," Dr. Young encourages and Jimin lets out a shaky sigh as he swallows the soup.

 _Remember you wanted to do this_ _,_ he reminds himself.

Jimin thinks back to the look on Dr. Young's face when he told her he wanted to eat.

_"You_ _..._ **_want_ ** _to eat?"_

He had nodded shyly and her confusion turned into the biggest smile he had ever seen yet.

 _Progress_ is what she called it. Jimin likes the sound of progress.

He also likes the feeling of hot soup against his food deprived tongue as well... yet something still stops him from completely enjoying the feeling.

"I-I think I'm full."

He's not full but he doesn't want to eat too much, scared that he'll throw up or worse, _gain weight._ It's hard, this process is hard but he knows what he wants he just has to find a way to overcome what he's feeling now.

Dr. Young smiles knowingly. "You think?"

Jimin shrugs awkwardly and she sighs softly, grabbing the tray from his lap and resting her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, five bites! That's so good."

Jimin gave a smile.

Another _real_ smile.

Recovery means getting better.

"I'm so sad you're leaving, actually I'm sad we're both leaving! I think I want to move to Seoul!" Dr. Young laughs and Jimin giggles a little, stoked that he gets to get out of this hospital, see the outside world, and even dance again.

"I'm sad about that too," Jimin pouts. "But I'm happy I get to get out of here."

Dr. Young smiles brightly. "And I'm happy for you! You're doing so much better and I can't wait to see how far you go! Actually! To keep me updated I have a little surprise for you."

Dr. Young opens her purse and pulls out a gift. Jimin feels his face heat up as he unwraps it giddily.

A phone.

"Wah Noona! Thank you so much!" He hugs her before pulling back and biting his lip uneasy. "This must've costed a lot though?"

She waves him off. "Eh it's okay Jimin ah! Expect lots of baby pictures okay! You have still yet to meet the baby, who's not even really a baby anymore."

Jimin giggles at her pout. "It's okay Noona, just have more!"

Dr. Young makes a face at that. "Ah no I'll pass, that's not happening anytime soon. Babies hurt Jimin! Aish and my husband keeps on insisting! He should be able to get pregnant!"

Jimin laughs, doubling over and Dr. Young smiles big at the sight of Jimin _truly_ happy.

"I can't wait to meet them one day, keep me updated and thank you so so much Noona. I-I really appreciate it... everything you've done for me. You're honestly like a mother, don't tell Jin hyung I said that though he'll get jealous," Jimin chuckles and Dr. Young giggles, wiping sudden tears from her eyes.

"Aish Jimin ah! You made me cry! I said I wasn't going to cry! Ugh! You're ruining my makeup, you and your sweet words and cute 'Noona'! Ah really I love you so much! You're like my son, don't tell Seokjin," she laughs hugging Jimin.

Jimin hugs her back, tightly and finally not feeling weak enough to do that. In fact he feels _so_ good! The best he's felt in a while, and he's ready to face the world.

Ready to live.

"I'll try not to hehe, I love you too Noona."

She pulls back ruffling his hair and holding his cheeks that now have life.

"You got this. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

And Jimin's never been so sure of anything in his life... besides of course loving Jungkook that is.

**_An._ **

**This isn't the end don't worry! Wow! I'm actually really proud of this chapter and especially Jimin -- and even more, Taeyang.**

**Haha you guys probably didn't expect that did ya? If you did then well I just suck at surprises lol. I just moved! So that's why this chapter is so late & also I was having a bit of writers block but I know what I want now :) tell me what you think as always, and leave a vote please <3**

**Oh yeah! I'm thinking about putting out new soon since this one, sadly, only has a few chapters left, so stay updated with me on my social medias or just follow me on here :)**

**I have lots of drafts in my works, but the main 3 stories I'm thinking of putting out is way different from this one! One is a hybrid story (! It's really fluffy & sexy not gonna lie) another has a baby ;) (also fluffy!) & the other has to do with a delinquent (another kind of serious work but also a comedy/romance) so tell me what interests you more, hehe! They all have smut ;)**

**Maybe I'll just post them all lol xD but only expect me to update one the most!**

**SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS!**


	21. Chapter 21

Getting better is what Jimin expected to be the simple part, yet he learns it isn't. It's actually the hardest. Things will come at you and try to stop you from achieving what you want, in Jimin's case it's to live happily, and you just have to overcome them.

Jimin learns that the hard way.

He knew things wouldn't be easy but he expected it to at least be easier than what he went though in the hospital. Yet it wasn't, sometimes the things that he went through in the hospital -- the conflicts he thought he overcame, came throwing themselves his way again and he realized he couldn't break down anymore.

No he couldn't, he said he wanted to try and he _does_. He _wants_ to be happy, so therefore he tries his best to cope when things don't exactly go how he hoped.

Yet, coping on your own is not that easy sadly, Jimin also learns.

*

*

Jimin didn't know what to expect when he finally got discharged from the hospital. He was excited, worried, and overall relived, because he didn't feel threatened anymore. He could finally feel what it feels like to live in peace and he's so excited yet he's also worried to face reality again.

He has to go back to school eventually and he's _so_ terrified. He doesn't want to even think about that or everyone looking at him like he's broken -- the girls in his class glaring at him because they think he's disgusting.

He didn't want to face that, he's so ashamed actually, even after taking all that time thinking positively about things.

The negatives are inevitable though, Jimin learns they come at you from all turns and you just have to be ready for them; the first signs of uneasiness.

Stepping outside that hospital with Jin and breathing the fresh air has him smiling, he's missed this feeling. Breathing in a good clear day, in the afternoon. It's simple, yet it means a lot. Jin understands this, watching him with a soft smile. Jimin wonders how did he ever want to abandon this feeling and then suddenly everything negative that he has been through comes back at him and he frowns, oh yeah, that's why.

He doesn't let his conscious in though, smiling again even if it's fake, it eventually turns into a real one because he's doing it already, he's coping, not letting it get to him, and suddenly he thinks of something to get his mind off the negatives and he comes up with dancing; right now out here in this beautiful weather -- he wants to so bad, he tells Jin and all Jin does is laugh adorablely, not judging him when he closes his eyes and softly turns on his toes, breathing in until he's breathless.

He's _missed_ this feeling, not dancing is like not having... Jungkook in his life again and suddenly he's sad at the thought, only getting better when Jungkook pulls up with Jin's car.

This is reality, things are better now. He's smiling, uncontrollably big that even Jin and Jungkook, who's staring at him _still_ like he's the most precious thing in the whole world, can feel it.

Jimin doesn't feel any type of negativeness finally, when Jungkook smiles back. It's soft, the hurt in his eyes are gone and it makes Jimin even more happier.

"Ready to go?" He asks, head cocked and ever handsome. Jimin only nods, feeling his face heat up at the sight. He doesn't know why he feels even more shy around Jungkook now, maybe it's because ever since their talk Jungkook came to visit him everyday, mostly late when he'd be sleep and Dr. Young would tell him in the morning. Jimin didn't know why he was surprised when Dr. Young told him that, especially after Jungkook apologized and blurted out his love for him. Maybe it was because he was unsure still, yet he then knew he didn't have to feel that way anymore seeing as Jungkook checked up on him every night -- secretly, but it showed he cared. Just a bit on the shy side like Jimin himself.

Knowing that Jungkook was shy to talk to him after they had that serious talk made Jimin question, did Jungkook still like him?

He hopes it's a yes, but he knows it would be too much to do anything about it -- and even though his own chest still flutters at the sight of Jungkook or when Jungkook so much as looks his way, he still thinks of _that_ night they had and he wants that again, so much more than that actually but he thinks they should focus on just being friends for a while.

Jungkook smiles softly at the sight of an obvious flushed Jimin. He looked so much more healthier and even though his skin was still pale, there was still a hint of redness on his cheeks. Jungkook swiftly moved around the car to open the door for him, a friendly gesture he told himself, watching the way Jimin shyly looked down, mumbling a soft thank you with his sweater hanging off of his shoulder and running past his fingertips.

As he got in the passenger side, Jin made his way to the passenger side after putting Jimin's medication in the back seat and smirking at Jungkook.

Jungkook avoided the older's eyes and with blush on his own cheeks he slid in the backseat.

*

       *

"Wah! I leave you guys for approximately 45 minutes and this is what you do on my couch?"

Taehyung who was still trying to feel Hoseok up and kiss at his neck even at the sound of the door opening, sits up, a sheepish smile on his face while Hoseok looks embarrassed, pulling his shirt down and looking like he wanted to sink inside the couch.

Jimin was still in disbelief thinking about his two best friends potentially dating. In fact when he was in the hospital he was kind of sad knowing he wasn't around to see how it all happened. He's nonetheless happy for them, kind of jealous with the way Taehyung stares at a shy Hoseok, all full of love and confidence.

Hoseok's own shyness and the marks on his neck makes Jimin own cheeks flush. He catches Jungkook's eyes, who's placing his medicines on Jin's dining table, and sees the way he smirks almost.

Jimin thinks he's being delusional and maybe he is, he can't tell because quickly Jungkook is looking away, hair falling over his forehead and hoodie hiding the blush on his neck.

"Chim!" Taehyung calls bringing him out of his thoughts.

Jimin's soon engulfed in a hug, a sweet heart warming hug that makes him smile brightly even as Taehyung messes up his hair by running a hand through it.

"I missed that smile," Taehyung states, hand still holding back Jimin hair so he could see the genuineness in Jimin's eyes. Jimin's smiles softly.

"I-I missed yours too. It's shaped like a box."

Taehyung laughs, pulling away after cooing.

Hoseok comes up from behind Jimin and hugs him tightly, pressing his face in the smaller's neck and making kissy sounds against his ear and cheek.

Jimin holds Hoseok's arms around him and giggles at the older talking baby in his ear.

"My baby is here I feel complete," Hoseok laughs and Jimin flushes, loving the feeling of being warm around his friends and hating knowing that he ever made them cry.

He tries not to think about that though, not when they're all smiles and happy at the fact _he's_ here with them, even Jungkook's smiling softly, from where he sat on the one seater, at sight of the two babying him.

"Hey that's my baby! I called dibs first!" Jin calls from the kitchen, coming out with an apron on and his hands on his hips. He's pretending to be serious but there's flour on his face and everyone's staring at him before Jungkook snorts and everyone's laughing too.

"Hey Jungkook ah I know you're supposed to be eating healthy for your tournament soon but me being your mentor I think I can allow you to slide for the night. Want to stay for dinner? I'm making Yukgaejang with homemade noodles!"

Jungkook is unsure for a moment and he doesn't know why because he has actually been hanging with everyone while Jimin was in the hospital so there should be no problem but he just doesn't want to be awkward. Jimin's friends have missed him a lot and they probably want to talk to him about things and Jungkook doesn't want to ruin that, so he shakes his head declining.

He stands, adjusting his ripped jeans and hoodie. "No I think I'm just gonna head home--"

"Please--" Jimin's voice cuts through yearningly. He shys down a little, staring at the ground when all eyes are on him. "Please stay and eat w-with us."

Jungkook is shocked Jimin wants him here too and he once again doesn't know why, they're friends right?

Jin smiles proudly at Jimin before turning to Jungkook. "You have to stay now!"

"Yeah Jungkook ah, it'll be fun! It's the weekend too, we should have a movie night!" Taehyung suggests from his place on Hoseok's shoulder, where he's currently holding Hoseok's hair back.

Hoseok, who's all forehead, smiles widely. "Yes! Jin hyung has all the good sad movies! I want to see if Jungkookie cries."

Jungkook chuckles a little, still a bit unsure but sighing out a, "Fine why not?"

He sees Jimin smile uncontrollably wide and it's enough to make him fully sure as the others cheer.

"Yes! OOOH Jungkook is so gonna cry watching this movie!" Hoseok exclaims, already slipping from Taehyung's hold and going over to Jin's collection to find a movie.

Taehyung comes up to Jungkook and hugs him excitedly, an almost proud expression on his face.

"I knew you were getting the hang of us! We're all going to be the bestest of friends!" Jungkook doesn't even get the feel of pushing Taehyung off of him and he's confused because he usually hates affection unless, of course, it's from Jimin -- who he use to pretend to hate touching him as well but always secretly loved.

And maybe that's what it was! He hasn't had affection from Jimin in a while and maybe he's grown use to hugging him again so it's weird to stop all of a sudden.

Maybe he's deprived so he allows Taehyung to hug him, even if he doesn't return it and makes a face.

Jimin laughs at him, sensing his awkwardness and Jungkook just smiles. It's a bunny tooth smile that has Jimin's insides turning so he looks away.

Luckily Jin calls out to him.

"Jimin come here, I want to show you your room!"

Jimin follows Jin quickly, wanting to get away from his annoying feelings and stumbling a little on the way.

Jin's apartment is both bigger than Taeyang's and nicer -- much, much, more neater and doesn't smell like drugs. It's also farther away from the university Jimin attends and now he's questioning how will he get to school everyday?

He doesn't want to rely on Jin taking him everyday since he's already staying in Jin's apartment and overall in a matter of seconds it's stressing him out. He needs to get a job as soon as possible. But who would hire him? It was so hard getting his job the first time and now he wants to cry thinking about the stress he went through _then._

He wants to break down but he remembers, _cope cope cope._

Jin looks at him and instead of seeing the happiness of having the room he sees anxiousness.

"Hey Jimin what's wrong? I know it's plain but we weren't sure what you liked--"

"No. I-It's not that," Jimin blinks hard, swallowing as he puts on a little smile and stares at the wood flooring.

_"Remember to stay calm. Don't let that voice in okay? Not until you know it'll be positive."_

Jimin remembers Dr. Young's advice and he doesn't let it in; he breathes.

"I-I just... you've done so much for me already and I feel bad because I can't thank you enough. I don't have any money or anything and I want to repay you and I can't and I'm s-so sorry--"

"Jimin. Jimin, hey it's okay! It's fine," Jin's holding his hands, eyes staring into his own and knowing how sensitive he is.

"Like I said before you're like my brother. We're basically family and I'd do anything for you okay? Please always remember that. You don't have to pay me back, I enjoy caring for you and knowing you're healthy and happy and just... okay. I just want to know you're okay and you thinking about this stuff is not making you okay so stop thinking and stresses over things that don't matter. It's totally fine! I love you! People that love you do these things okay!?"

Jin's smiling brightly and Jimin still looks unsure but smiles too as Jin pulls him into a hug.

"Okay!" Jin pulls away with a clap that makes Jimin jump a little. "So we just put all your things in the closet and dressers for now. We weren't exactly sure what all was yours but we hope we got most of your things, if not we can go shopping and get you some things--"

"Hyung..." Jin stops talking and turns back to Jimin who's holding his hands together, nervously.

"You don't have to worry about buying me anything, really, I plan on getting a job soon so--"

"Jimin! Why can't you just let hyung spoil you!" Jin's suddenly crying out, hands clenched on his apron as Jimin stares at him wide eyed and trying to get his heart level back to normal.

"I don't want you thinking about any of that until you're fully healthy okay?! You still can't even go back to school yet and I know you probably want to but I don't want it to stress you out so soon! Yet look you're already stressing yourself out and seeing you stressed makes _me_ stressed!" Jin whines, feet stomping the floor over exaggeratedly.

"Please just let hyung take care of you! I know you don't want to be treated as if you're sick or anything and that's not my intentions... it's just, I miss you and babying you. I just want you to relax until you're stable and sure you can manage everything."

Jimin deep down is still unsure but seeing the way his hyung stresses over _him_ stressing upsets him so he nods, giving a small smile in hopes of relaxing Jin himself.

"Okay hyung."

Jin's eyes widen. "Okay? I mean yes! Okay okay!"

Jin's hugging him swiftly and then clapping again, excitement written all over his face and Jimin never wants to be the one to ruin that sight, even when he's hoping and praying that he won't ever be a bother.

He doesn't tell Jin that he feels as if he's a bother because Jin's genuinely happy, rambling on and on that Jimin has to blink to understand.

All he hears is school and Jimin feels his insides drain.

"Like I said before I know you're probably excited to go back but Dr. Young said she strictly doesn't want you doing too much... until you're a certain weight."

"A healthy weight," Jimin says, more to himself than anything. He's been eating small portions of food, still struggling with not throwing up everything and also with the thought of gaining weight. He's been doing good with the thought of eating, even waking up with breakfast on his mind but sometimes it's still too much when he subconsciously thinks of the outcome of him eating too much. This often ends with him making himself sick and not being able to hold down his food; the thought of weighing more than 110 scaring him even though he knows that's _not_ a healthy weight for a male his age and stance.

"Yes... right and I plan on getting you there before you have to start school again," Jin smiles all bubbly and happy but all Jimin can do is force one and he's not good at hiding the fact either.

" _Hey?_ What's wrong?"

Jimin bites his bottom lip, hand coming up to hold his arm. "I... kind of don't want to go back to school."

Jin frowns, but his voice is soft when he questions. "Why not?"

Jimin sighs. "The girls in my ballet class are r-really rude to me because of the fact that I'm a boy... me being one of the best dancers, I guess, in the class makes them upset too..."

Jin's frown deepens, and he sighs, grabbing Jimin's hand and gently pulling him to the bed in the room.

They sit and Jin takes a deep breath. "I really want to ask why haven't you ever told me but I realize something like that must've been hard. If they're bullying you I definitely understand, when I came out in high school people didn't take it very well but I learned to ignore those people, because sometimes that's all you can do. Keeping negativity in your brain only makes things worse and if someone is making you feel bad about yourself on purpose then it's mostly because they have too many insecurities in themselves. They talk about others to makes them feel like a better person and it sucks but it's the truth. I know it's difficult but you have to block those people out okay Jimin?"

Jimin nods, feeling a little weight lift off his shoulders at Jin's advice.

"And also remember as long as they're not putting their hands on you, it's all words. I know words hurt too, I do, but sometimes you can not let them. Don't let them know their words are affecting you and eventually they'll stop or you really will stop caring. That's what happened to me, I use to cry sometimes because of the bullying but I got through it and I learned not to care what people think. But! If they're touching you my hands are bisexual and I'll fight them all!"

Jimin's eyes are wide at Jin's sudden exclamation. He's actually serious Jimin notices and can only laugh because Taehyung is busting in the room.

"Fight who?" He questions, messily eating a bag of chips.

Hoseok comes in from behind him, slightly pushing him away. "Yah! Do I need to molly whop someone?!"

Taehyung who had stumbled doesn't even push Hoseok back like he usually would, instead he questions curiously. "Molly... whop? Is that an American term?"

Hoseok nods, happy to inform what he learned. "Yes! And so is drag! I'll drag them all Jimin who do I need to drag!?"

Jimin just shakes his head with a giggle, Jin laughing besides him. "No one! I-It's okay, Jin hyungie is just extra..."

"Extra!? Hoseok ah I'm not extra, those bitches in Jiminie here's class keep fucking with him and he never told me!" Jin whines.

Both Taehyung and Hoseok frown. "What bitches?" Taehyung questions still eating chips and trying to feed Hoseok who pushes his hand away.

Jimin wants to laugh at the sight and wishes everyone would focus on that instead of the girls in his class verbally bullying him.

"The girls in your ballerina class or the girls in our class? Because I'll talk to all those hoes and expose their stds--"

"N-No hyung really it's okay! It's no one from our classes together... they're all sweet. It's the girls from my ballet classes."

Taehyung makes a face. "Yeah they all seem like bitches--"

"Aish you're no help!" Jin scoffs.

"Hyung if you saw them you'd say the same! One girl in that class said I look like a rat _after she_ asked _me_ out and I told her no!"

Jin and Hoseok both bust out laughing while Jimin tries to hold back his smile to make Taehyung, who seems genuinely disheartened at what the girl said, feel better. Jimin can't hold it back though when he hears what sounds like Jungkook's laugh coming from the living room, in a small chuckle that still makes his stomach flutter.

Hoseok pats Taehyung's shoulder. "I mean when you make that derp face you do kind of look like an obese rat--"

"Okay but you love sucking my obese rat looking self off--"

Hoseok kicks him the same time Jin shouts.

"Hey there's children in the room!" He closes his hands over Jimin's ears even though Jimin already got a huge gist of what was said.

Jimin just laughs anyways at his hyung treating him as a baby. It honestly feels good to be cared for but Jimin still whines playfully, "Ah hyung... I'm not a child anymore--"

"Sh! Yes you are, you're my child!" Jin cuts him off, and pulls his face to his chest, cradling his outgrown hair. "And I can't have anyone messing with my children!"

Jimin just shakes his head, it was no use when it came to Jin.

Hoseok nods. "Yes us either! You should've told us Jiminie!"

"I know... I'm sorry," Jimin apologizes softly. "I didn't want to start anything..."

Everyone in the room seems to down at his words, Hoseok even pouting.

"Aw we know chim it's okay," Taehyung is the one to start this time, ruffling Jimin's hair with his clean hair. "If they mess with you when you go back just tell us okay-- OOH! Or Jungkook ah!--"

Jimin sits up at that, shaking his head furiously as he remembers the brief flashes in his mind of the way Jungkook beat up Taeyang.

"Ah no really it's okay! It's fine! I don't even want to talk about it anymore," Jimin quickly says, voice low.

He doesn't want to get Jungkook involved in any more of his mess. Truly he didn't even want his friends involved either and now he's upset with himself for telling Jin, because now they're all probably stressing over it.

"It's okay really," Jimin assures, eyes hopefully hoping that they'll let the subject go.

"Okay, well if anything happens tell one of us," Hoseok mumbles and Jimin smiles, nodding sheepishly.

"Alright. Well I should go back to making dinner. Who wants to be my taste tester!?"

"Me!" Taehyung exclaims following Jin out of the room.

Before Jimin could follow them Hoseok pulls him into a hug.

"I really missed you Jimin ah..."

Jimin hugs back tightly. "I missed you too hyung... you were my first friend besides Jin hyung after Jungkook. I-I'm really happy to have you and I hope I didn't cause you too much sorrow--"

"Aish! Of course not! You're gonna make me cry now though! I'm glad I kept bugging you and you finally became my friend..."

Jimin giggles a little at that. "You didn't bother me. I was just confused that you were talking to me because no one at school ever did..."

"I don't see why. You're a great person, I knew from the start when I saw you dance. There was just so much passion in you. I _had_ to bug you!"

They both laugh. "Thanks hyung. I use to watch you dance too and be jealous because you have such great hip hop skills," Jimin admitted and Hoseok pulls away with a soft nudge.

"Stop you're gonna make me blush! But seriously you're good at everything Jimin! You shouldn't be jealous of me."

Jimin can name lots of things he doesn't necessarily think he's good at but he tries to stay positive and ignore his conscious telling him negatives.

"Thanks hyung... hey you still have to tell me how you and Tae got together--"

Hoseok blushed immediately, head falling against Jimin's chest.

"There's my Jiminie... always finding a way to change the subject and embarrass me."

Jimin shrugs, feeling happy and playful. It's something he hasn't felt together in a while and it feels good.

"Yup you know me hyung... so vhope or Taeseok?"

"Jimin ah!"

*   
*

After Hoseok told Jimin how he and Taehyung got together (it just happened naturally apparently, them being there for each other eventually led to feelings for each other & one day Hoseok was crying (over Jimin sadly) and Taehyung kissed him. Jimin was upset to know that he made Hoseok sad but also happy to know he's kind of the reason they're together now) they headed to the living room where Jungkook was sitting, legs apart and scrolling through his phone.

"Aish Jungkook ah! You suck! You were supposed to be finding a movie!" Hoseok whined, going back to searching on his own while Jungkook gave a small sheepish smile, almost teasing in return.

"Ah sorry hyung..." he apologized lightly, eyes flicking to Jimin who had took a seat on the edge of the long couch, keeping their distance.

Jimin met his eyes for a moment. There was so much Jungkook wanted to tell him but Jimin couldn't read any of it through his eyes. All he saw was this intense gaze that held questions, so many questions, mixed with _undeniable_ love.

Jimin felt weird when Jungkook stared at him and he didn't know what the taller was thinking. He wanted to question him but he couldn't manage a voice and instead shyly dropped his gaze down to his socked feet, teeth already pressing into his bottom lip... butterflies in his stomach.

"Hey Jungkook ah? When's your next match?" Taehyung comes out the kitchen asking, mouth full of whatever he was eating.

Jungkook hums a little and locks his phone. "Soon actually. It's next week, I'm preparing for it now."

Taehyung's eyes widen in awe. "Wow so cool! Can I come watch! I always wanted to watch you fight!"

Jungkook shrugs. "Sure. It's admission free so I hope you can all come... support me? I guess," Jungkook's gaze flutters to Jimin's again and this time Jimin hold it. "I've never had friends other than Jimin hyung watch me, so it should be new."

Jimin feels his cheeks heat up at the remembrance. It was always his favorite thing to do, watching Jungkook and being amazed at all his abilities, especially when they were younger.

He offers Jungkook a small hopefully encouraging smile that has Jungkook's own lips curling up fondly.

"Wah! It's official we're friends! Heard that Jin hyung!? I told you he sees us as friends!" Taehyung hollers to the kitchen where Jin screams back, "Whatever!"

"Yeah! We'll all be there, even Hoseok who's scary but--"

"I'm not scary!" Hoseok objects from where he's placing a movie in.

Taehyung stares blankly. "Babe."

Hoseok makes a face, bother disturbed and pleased with red cheeks. "Ooh it feels weird when you do that openly..."

Taehyung snickers. "That's what you said last night--"

"Taehyung ah!" Hoseok throws an empty movie case at him and he just laughs, running back to the kitchen. "I really hate you sometimes!"

Jimin doesn't even realize he's laughing until Hoseok's smiling at him brightly and Jungkook's gazing at him so full of adoration and enough to make even himself giggle just by looking at Jimin.

Jimin doesn't feel bothersome for once, he doesn't feel neglect, all he feels is love and warmth and he thinks about how much he missed this feeling.

He doesn't think he'll ever want to leave it... he doesn't know why he wanted to in the first place.

**an.**

**It's my birthday! :D I wanted to update for you guys & I hope you like this little subtle chapter, a lot will happen in the next chapter but don't worry there's fluff too! I can't wait to show you, I'm kind of squealing at a moment in it haha. I also have another jikook fic on my page if you're into hybrid stories, please check it out :) thank you so much.**


	22. Chapter 22

"Time to eat!" Jin eventually calls from the kitchen and with those words alone Jimin's heart begins to race in his chest.

One of the hardest things Jimin has had to get over during his time in the hospital was his eating disorder no doubt. The process is long and overall scary when you're at a point of not being able to hold down literally anything that isn't a solid. And even when you've moved past being able to eat even a spoon full or two your brain is modified to only what it knows: rejection.

Your brain doesn't want to except the food so therefore your stomach just _won't._ That stage is the hardest, because even when you want to get better and you know it's right to do this, _to eat,_ your body will be in a disagree because it's not _use_ to you wanting to get better -- well at least not in this way.

Your mind has made your body believe being thin is in and of course once you try to gain weight your body will continue to question _what are you doing?_ Why the change? And of course you'll respond with I want to be healthy again, not eating isn't healthy, and you'll say these things upon convincing not only your body but yourself.

You're still self conscious of gaining weight even if you know it's not only the healthier way but the better. Coming up from 110 pounds will be difficult since your body keeps rejecting everything but you have to be strong, you have to believe in yourself because you _want_ this remember.

At the hospital you looked at yourself in the mirror and you didn't even see _you._ You cried and Dr. Young just held your hand with promises of getting better and look at you, you've gotten better.

You've been _wanting_ to eat and there's no one holding you back from doing so anymore.

It's a stressful process but you'll get through this, Jimin keeps telling himself that.

"Wahhh..." Taehyung expresses in awe even though he basically watched Jin prepare the whole meal.

"Looks yummy hyung! Thanks," Hoseok smiles taking a seat besides Taehyung.

Jimin takes a seat at the end with Jin on his side and Jungkook, who been keeping his distance for obvious reasons, besides him.

Jimin stares at the food a bit stricken because there's just so much and _everything_ looks good, smells good and for once he's sad because he knows he won't be able to eat much.

Yet he's been so deprived...

"Thanks hyung," Jungkook says to Jin bringing Jimin to his senses and Jimin gives a soft appreciative smile to Jin.

"Looks great... I've missed your food. Thanks Jin hyung."

Jin smiles back proudly before waving them off. "Don't thank me guys dig in! I've been sweating my ass off preparing this feast!"

"Yeah you should've called Namjoon hyung," Tae jokes and Jin gasps.

"I should've! Oh my goodness why didn't I think of that!" Jin groans.

They laugh, even Jungkook, who Jimin glances at and their eyes lock.

Jimin averts his gaze quickly, feeling the blush tint his ears almost immediately as he watches everyone dig in.

He notices the way they glance at him, it's subtle but of course he notices, especially Jungkook. He notices Jungkook's observing -- worried -- gaze before anyone's. They're all probably wondering why he isn't eating yet and to be completely honest even though everything looks delicious he's a bit overwhelmed, he doesn't know where to start.

He figures rice is a good start and with shaky hands he moves his chopsticks over to the bowl, highly sensing the way conversation about Taehyung's dance skills bettering dying almost immediately.

This will be the first time in a while that Jimin is feeding himself, he's anxious about it but he knows he can do it, he won't crack and with this mindset, this positive attitude, he does.

He chews and it's crazy because rice is something he use to have with almost every meal yet now it just feels foreign, like a taste he isn't use to in his mouth. And it shouldn't be surprising because he has only just been eating soup lately but it is for the simple fact... he forgot what rice tastes like and it's amazing. He wants more and so he goes to get more, not even noticing that everyone has stopped to watch him eat, even Jin who's mouth is full of food feels full from him simply taking one bite of food.

This feeling of achievement is welcomed from them all and Jimin doesn't even realize how proud they are till Jin voices out, "Is it good?"

Jimin glances up, chopstick at his mouth which is full and he didn't even _realize_ how much he's been eating. He nods feeling his face flush in embarrassment but surprisingly he's not ashamed they're all smiling at him, Taehyung's box grin making him want to laugh and Jungkook's unconscious bunny tooth smile surprising him on end and he suddenly wants to cry because of the fact Jungkook is smiling that _rare beautiful smile_ like that because of _him --_ because he's _eating._ Yet Hoseok's beats him to it, palms wiping underneath his eyes as he sniffles.

"Wah I'm so proud..." Hoseok's smiles through his tears and Jimin can't help but to smile, watching as Taehyung rubs Hoseok's nape and then throws a cheeky smile towards him.

Jin ruffles his hair and he feels like a spoiled baby until Jungkook shoots him a soft subtle smile... then he just feels in love.

They all continue eat after that and Jimin even gets the courage to dig into the stew, not even once thinking about his weight or how he'll hold it down.

Maybe he should've at least thought about his limits like Dr. Young told him to because soon enough his stomach is full with servings past his size and it's turning and he's shakily standing and running to the bathroom and everything's coming out and it feels like all his progress is gone and all wants to do is cry, better yet scream, yet he tries to keep composure because someone is holding his hair up and rubbing his back even when he tells them, voice scratchy and breaking to leave because he's disgusting.

They don't. It's happening all over again and suddenly Jimin knows who's holding him first even when Jin's voice comes too, trying to relax and soothe him. Jungkook tells him it's okay, _I got him hyung,_ and Jin just lets out an understanding sigh and replies that he'll get medicine.

Jungkook's has Jimin and he's whispering _it's okay, it's okay_ because he _knows_ Jimin doesn't think it is and needs this reassurance right now as all his forsures to try to eat and to be okay keep coming out of him and he's crying suddenly, telling Jungkook to leave but of course Jungkook wont. He's stubborn and not making that mistake again because he knows this is all talk, Jimin doesn't mean it he's just scared.

Jungkook knows, Jungkook loves him, Jungkook will help him through this all over again ever single day until Jimin won't need it anymore, but even then he'll still be there.

"I'm so gross-- I-I'm so d-disgusting--"

Jungkook shushes him instantly, pulling Jimin into his arms when he tries to hide himself. "You're not disgusting, stop saying that. You're beautiful, I love you... I love you so much," he whispers against Jimin's ear as he holds Jimin from behind and the smaller just cries, head laying on Jungkook's shoulders as he calms and takes those words in.

Jin comes back eventually with medicine and takes in the sight of the two cuddled up. He wants to coo but he knows right now isn't the moment, not when Jimin's shaking like that and feeling sick.

"Jiminie... c'mon let's take this medicine, it'll make you feel better," Jin says, lowering himself to Jimin's side.

Jimin shakes his head, the allusion that he won't be able to hold even that down suddenly in his head.

"Please Jimin ah?"

"N-No I'm just gonna throw it u-up--"

"No you won't I promise! You did so well today eating like that and you're only getting better, come on it's okay. Trust me? We can try again tomorrow just take this right now?"

"Come on hyung, you can do it..." Jungkook adds in and Jimin swallows, finally sitting up to take the medicine while Jin throws Jungkook an appreciative smile.

While Jimin takes the medicine Taehyung calms Hoseok down in the kitchen.

"I just feel so bad that I can't do anything for him..." Hoseok explains, head in his hands as he sniffles.

Taehyung sighs, standing behind Hoseok's chair and rubbing the older's tense shoulders.

"Hyung all we can do is be there for Jimin okay. It's hard seeing him like this for me too -- no actually for all of us. Did you see the way Jungkook rushed out of his seat? We're all worried okay? Don't feel bad, Jimin knows we care about him... let's just keep on encouraging him to not give up. I read somewhere online about his disorder and they say this will happen for a while but eventually he won't have this problem anymore okay? Don't worry, I hate seeing you like this," Taehyung mumbles lastly and Hoseok turns in his seat, staring up at the younger appreciatively.

"What would I ever do without you?" Hoseok mumbles truthfully and stands to hug Taehyung who hugs him back tightly.

"Probably cry every night without me there to cuddle you."

"Shut up."

In the bathroom Jimin is taking the last off the medicine.

"Okay, see that wasn't so bad. You feel better already don't you?" Jin says and Jimin once again feels like a baby, disappointed in himself for becoming this fragile again.

Yet he remembers Jin's words of liking taking care of him and he only tries not to feel bad because he knows he needs this right now, this reassurance of love.

"Y-Yes I feel better..." Jimin mumbles softly and Jin cups his face with a grin.

"Okay lets clean you up then," Jin hums and Jungkook begins to stand, pulling Jimin up with him.

Jimin is a bit dizzy, a bit weak and Jungkook holds his arm steadily, eyeing the other wearily like Jin until he's in control.

Jimin gives them both a sheepish look, especially when he sees the mess he made but they could care less about his embarrassment and only regard his safety.

"I'm s-sorry about wasting your food hyung--"

Jin waves him off, beginning to clean up while Jungkook leads Jimin to the sink.

"It's okay don't worry about it... as long as you were enjoying it."

Jimin feels bad that Jimin is cleaning up _his_ throw up and it reminds him of what happened at Jungkook's place a few weeks ago, he feels horrible all over again.

He can't even look at himself in the mirror... he doesn't want to, he knows his evil conscious will come out if he does.

Instead he brushes his teeth, with Jungkook still standing besides him anxiously and worried and he can't help but hate himself for it.

When he's done washing his face he then turns around and gets the courage to look up at Jungkook who's already looking at him. His eyes aren't judging but instead they're knowing, he knows Jimin wants to break down right now but he's trying to hold it in for the sake of everyone else.

He's trying to remember recovery means not giving up, it means falling before you can rise and trying again and again.

"You're tired," Jungkook states awkwardly and it's obvious, of course Jimin is after what he just put himself through.

"Yes you should get some sleep Jiminie," Jin says, throwing out some towels then going to wash his hands.

"Okay hyung..." Jimin says and although he feels bad for ruining the movie night and worrying his friends he can't deny he isn't tired.

"Come on... I'll take you," Jungkook mumbles, hand holding Jimin's own and Jimin blushes feeling shy and helpless.

"I-It's okay Jungkook. I can take myself."

Jungkook knows but he isn't risking anything with the way Jimin is shakily standing, plus he wants to.

"I want to," he simply says and Jimin lets him.

"Goodnight Jiminie," Jin calls and Jimin responds with a soft goodnight and thanks in return.

As they head down the hallway Jimin sees Taehyung and Hoseok standing together worriedly. Seeing him better makes them sigh happily though as they wish Jimin their own goodnight.

"Yes we love you and we'll be here when you wake up since Jin can't kick us out!" Taehyung cheers, Hoseok smiling besides him but Jimin notices his red eyes and knows this time it wasn't happy tears. He feels bad again and tries to smile back to hide it but the smile barely reaches.

The room is almost pitch dark when they enter but Jungkook leads him to his bed safely, tucking him in and everything.

Jimin doesn't know where all this is coming from, yeah sure Jungkook is caring -- well to him -- but he just hasn't expected all this _this_ soon.

Jimin doesn't know how to thank him in words and instead lets his heart work for disfunctioning brain. His hand is grabbing Jungkook's before he can think -- before Jungkook cant leave or even the words goodnight finish spilling out his mouth.

"Stay."

It's not a question, Jimin's voice is pleading, his eyes are hopeful, and he doesn't want Jungkook to stay, he _needs_ Jungkook to stay, he hopes Jungkook will.

And of course Jungkook does. Even with the reminder of them taking things slow flashing in his brain.

There's nothing wrong with this though Jungkook convinces himself as he goes to shut the room door close, making eye contact with Jin before doing so and the older just blinks surprisingly but doesn't say anything even as Jungkook's face flushes.

Jungkook then goes back to the side of the bed where Jimin is sitting, waiting nervously, and he takes off his hoodie before scooting in besides Jimin.

Jimin doesn't know where his courage is coming from, probably from the darkness of the room, but he finds himself wrapping his arms around Jungkook on instinct, his heart fluttering against his chest and he knows Jungkook can feel it.

Jungkook was a bit taken aback but finds himself pulling Jimin on top of him, allowing Jimin to rest his head against his chest and it reminds him of their school days all over again.

He holds Jimin tightly, listens to Jimin's breath heaving and he knows Jimin still feels bad, there doesn't have to be words conversed to know that by the way he holds Jungkook back just as tight along with his cries.

Jungkook finds it crazy that a simple setback can make Jimin like this, but it's expectant when he knows Jimin wants to get better and things like this is happening. It's not new though, in the hospital he'd come visit and Dr. Young would tell him that he couldn't hold his food down even then but he was getting better at eating and that was all that matters. Today was a big achievement, he ate so much and even though he couldn't hold it down at least he's trying.

Jungkook doesn't want him to feel bad for trying, Jungkook doesn't want to hear him cry and there's nothing wrong with what he does to stop those small heaves.

There's nothing wrong with the way he gently cups Jimin's face and kisses him.

Nothing wrong at all when Jimin freezes for a brief second (its expectant seeing as he thought they were just friends and friends don't do this as far as he knows) but then kisses him back, eagerly, and Jungkook knows he still wants this too.

It's soft, light, overall sweet, and just what Jimin needs. Jungkook's in no rush and although the kiss is passionate, it's also lazy and not heading towards sex at all. Jungkook doesn't intend that. Jimin just got out of the hospital and he probably shouldn't even be kissing him because they did say they'd take things slow but it felt right to do so and he's happy Jimin responded and hadn't pushed him away like he imagined; he knows he would've regretted not doing this and he doesn't think about being stressed over training, competition, or returning his parents phone calls he's been ignoring to instead go see Jimin at the hospital.

This moment feels just right and it even betters when they pull away and Jimin whispers those words he's been waiting to hear.

"I love you..."  


*  
*  
*  


"Wow they're so cute..."

"Should we take a picture? I need this moment hung on my wall."

"We should!"

**_*FLASH*_ **

"Damn it Tae you had the flash on!"

"Abort! Abort!"

Jungkook wakes up and his heart is immediately racing at the thought of Jimin not being here with him but then he feels a soft breath against his neck and a hand wrapped in his nape and he knows the other is still here. He wants to smile happily but he hears voices and blinks open his eyes confused along with Jimin who's also waking up, hair messy over his eyes.

"Uh sorry!" Hoseok exclaims in English and he along with Jin and Taehyung run out of the room.

Jimin giggles a little and Jungkook smiles softly, loving the sight of him.

They don't talk about what just happened now or last night but they do make eye contact all through breakfast, share a smile when Jimin is able to hold down his eggs, and a sweet peck (on Jungkook's part) when Jimin goes to hug him by the front door, alone, after he states he has to leave and train with Jin.

Jin slides past Jimin on his way out with promises of _the both_ of them being back soon, to take his medication, and not let Hoseok and Taehyung drive him insane. The older doesn't miss the blush on Jimin's (more filled with life yet still pale) cheekbones or Jungkook's lingering affectionate gaze.

It makes him smirk towards the tall boy after Jimin nods and Jungkook just rolls his eyes, looking away from the funny hyung.

Jimin makes his way back into the kitchen where Hoseok and Taehyung are still stuffing themselves, smiling at him sweetly -- proudly even though Jimin only had a small serving of eggs that he had to force himself to eat after yesterday.

Yesterday... Jimin feels his stomach turn happily at the remembrance of Jungkook kissing him. It was so unexpected... yet he's happy, regardless of them not talking about it. It would probably be the right thing to do but he feels as if in their case they should just let things happen naturally like old times.

Jungkook loves him and he loves Jungkook and that's all that matters... for now that is.  


**an.**

**Short Chapter I know but the last few chapters -- actually im NOT exactly sure how many is left but they'll probably be long. A lot of growing is going to happen on both parts for them and I honestly hadn't expected, as always, for myself to make them kiss so soon but once again it just felt right. Y'all also got some vhope so yes praise me, no not frfr. This chapter is a mix of angst, fluff, funny, all that & I hope you guys (whoever is still reading) enjoy the rest of this fic! C** **an y'all believe I've been writing this since January??? Like what??? Sorry for any mistakes also c:**


	23. Chapter 23

"Damn Jungkook I'm supposed to be your mentor and trainer yet look at me all out of breath!"

"Well you are pretty ol--"

"Don't say it! Don't you dare offend me like that!" Jin whines, wiping a towel across his face.

Jungkook lets out a breathy laugh, his skin is sweating and he and Jin has just had a pretty successful work out. He feels content for once and even though he still has much to learn he's happy and he's proud of himself for holding up against Jin's, surprisingly difficult, workouts.

He thinks he'll be ready for competitions next week, no doubt about it. He knows he's should stay focused at this point but all he can think of is Jimin and getting back to Jimin and hugging Jimin... kissing Jimin.

It's weird... not the idea of doing those things with Jimin but training better, he's training so much better now that he knows Jimin is safe and okay and it's totally unexpected.

He expected to be so anxious and worried but Jimin is in trusted hands, Jimin is okay and now he's focusing better than he ever has.

"Hey Jungkook ah your phone is ringing," Jin says suddenly, bringing him out of his daze.

His eyes and ears focus on his phone placed on top of his work out bag and he feels his heart drop instantly. He already knows who's calling, they've been trying to get in touch with him for weeks now since they found out about his competition coming up yet he's been ignoring them for obvious reasons... Jimin.

He's been so worried about Jimin that he just doesn't want to his his parents and them scolding him for not worrying about what he came to Seoul for in the first place.

Yet he thinks he should probably answer them before they pop up and find out the truth themselves.

Jin stares at him questionably when he hesitates on answering the phone. Eventually he does and he regrets it right away at the sound of his father's voice.

_"Yah! Me and your mother have been trying to contact you for weeks now! What have you been doing that has you so busy that you can't call back!? It better be you training because if it isn't Jungkook ah I swea--"_

"It is. I've... I've been training a lot for competition sorry I didn't have time to talk," his voice is empty suddenly and he's not sorry at all, truly he doesn't even want to talk to his father.

_"You should be sorry! Your mother was worried sick!"_

Jungkook frowns at that and he's sure Jin can hear his father through the phone but he simply minds his business and continues sending Jimin memes.

"Was she really? I'm sorry I worried her..." Jungkook responds and for some reason he doesn't think his mother was the only one that was worried. In fact he has a feeling his father was more worried than his mother.

His dad dismisses his apology anyways.

_"Jungkook ah you better be focused! Because I swear if you don't win this competition it's over! I'm not paying for shit anymore and you'll be forced to come home and go back to training_ **_my_ ** _way!"_

Jungkook's jaw clenches to hold back his sudden want to retort disrespectfully. His hands grip on the phone is tight and he suddenly wants to kick something.

_"Do you understand and do I make myself clear?"_

"Yes."

_"Okay then great. Me and your mother will be watching."_

"Is that all?" Jungkook responds icily, shaking unconsciously and Jin eyes him worriedly, sensing his anger.

_"I believe so unless you have something to tell me?"_

"I have nothing to say to you," and Jungkook hangs up before his father can respond.

He goes to throw his phone but manages to stop himself and instead his hands reach for his hair and he groans, head thrown back, jaw tight, and eyes clenched shut. He exhales while Jin asks him if he's alright.

Of course he's not. He heaving in irrigation and he knows when his father is being serious and right now his father is serious, he means it. Jungkook can't risk it -- he can't risk losing Jimin again even if it means distancing them for right now.

He has to. It's the only way he'll stay focused. As long as he knows Jimin's okay then everything will be alright, he can get things done knowing that.

"Jin hyung I appreciate your help so much but I think I'm gonna practice on my own for a while at school. Can you tell Jimin hyung that I probably won't see him for a little bit?" Jungkook doesn't look at Jin while he requests this and Jin blinks troubled, before responding.

"Sure... but Jimin? What do I tell him? Do you want me to tell him to just call you?" Jin questions, face covered in concern.

"No it's fine I'm sure he'll understand... you know competition. He knows how I get..." Or so Jungkook hopes Jimin knows, he has been this way since they were younger; overly focused.

But then again Jimin has always been overly worrisome. Jungkook hopes him distancing himself won't worry Jimin too much... deep down he knows it will though and he hates himself for it but there's no other way, he has to get his fighting mindset back before competition and that mindset doesn't involve Jimin or especially... _love._ He gets cold and serious and is only about the fight and he doesn't want Jimin to feel neglected when he gets like this so there's no other way, he has to avoid Jimin for a little bit.

"Are you sure it's just that Jungkook?" Jin finally asks, arms crossed as he examines Jungkook who still isn't meeting his eyes.

"Something didn't happen between you two right? Is that why you don't want to see him--"

"No of course not! Jimin hyung and I are good... really good I think?" Jungkook feels a blush raid his cheeks. "I-It's just family issues. My parents expect a lot from me so I can't get sidetracked right now especially when I have upcoming competitions. Jimin hyung will understand, I know he will, please just tell him I'm sorry anyways. I wanted to be with him while he gets better but fighting devotes a lot of dedication..."

"Okay. I'm sure he'll understand. Try to see him before your competition though and explain okay? Good luck Jungkook ah."

"Okay... thanks hyung."

_He'll understand... I'm sure he will... I hope he will._

_*_   
_*_   
_*_

Of course Jimin understands.

"... I think he was talking to his parents and he got really upset. He said he's sorry though, he wanted to be with you especially right now but you know..."

Jimin nods at Jin, he understands. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels like crying, he should've had expected this, of course Jungkook is busy and can't be around him at all times he knows but... isolating himself away from Jimin to do what he said he came here for is _pretty... expectant_. Anyways what did Jimin expect? For Jungkook to just change his ways and revolve around Jimin now. Of course not. He understands... blinking his tears away, he understands, he nods.

"B-But... fighting and pleasing his parents is what's most important to him. I-I understand--"

"Jimin that's not it. Please Jimin he's--"

"I-It's okay hyung really. I understand. He's always been like this... I-I can't expect to just come first. Jungkook has goals that come before me and I understand..."

_Don't you wish he wouldn't just push you away completely though?_

The voice is back and Jimin knows he should ignore it, _he's supposed to,_ yet he finds himself nodding and agreeing with it and suddenly he feels overwhelmed. _The voice is everywhere._

_He's too busy for you -- He has more_ **_important_ ** _things to do rather than be around you._

_Plus, you're too clingy! You guys aren't even dating and you're upset he doesn't want to be around you._

_And just because he kissed you doesn't mean he cares._

_He only did it to make sure you don't go trying to kill yourself again._

Oh...

"I understand," he says again to Jin and he sounds so broken Jin's face falls, he reaches out to Jimin already knowing the shorter is doubting things.

"Jimin Jungkook loves and cares about you a lot but his parents expect a lot from him apparently. So just trust him?"

"I do hyung... I just..." _you just what?_

Jimin squeezes his eyes shut and bites his bottom lip so hard he can feel the blood rising. Why does this voice keep bothering him?! He tries to black it out as he looks up to Jin again, "I-I just... I don't want him to forget about me again."

"Jiminie! He won't! I promise he won't! He just seems to have a lot going on and probably doesn't want to stress you with it. Don't worry and please don't cry. You just have to have trust in him. He's always tried to be there for you hasn't he?"

Jimin nods at that, ignoring the voice that's mocking in the back of his head, _only because he feels bad._

No Jin is right, Jungkook cares. He's always cared. Jimin knows he just has to believe in that and all Jungkook has done in the past -- all Jungkook has said to him. Someone that cares wouldn't say things like that... he wouldn't have kissed Jimin like that. Like he knows Jimin is fragile and can easily break.

He offers Jin a soft smile.

"You're right. I'm sorry I'm making this whole thing more than what it needs to be..." Jimin honestly just can't help it. When he thinks about it he realizes that he's always been fragile minded and ever since he was with Taeyang, it had become physical too. He's barely trying to overcome the physical fragility so obviously his mind still needs help too and maybe being away from Jungkook while he trains can do him some good?

He said he'd get better and instead of crying like he is now he can be learning to overcome this over sensitive side of himself.

If only this voice got out of his head...

He's still trying to fight it and Jin is looking at him worriedly while he wipes his eyes and he offers an even bigger, more convincing smile.

"Sorry hyung..."

"No it's okay. You're not making anything big... I honestly don't know what's going on between you two but he seemed really guilty about having to train so I'm just saying... this is probably hard on him too. His dad doesn't sound very nice at all and I think that's what's making him want to focus only on training so please don't think it's because of you. I asked him and he said you guys are good. Really good actually," Jin smiles happily and Jimin feels his ears tint, he looks down but Jin squeezes his hands.

He doesn't know why he always jumps to conclusions...  he doesn't know why he keeps letting the voice get to him when things go bad. "Yeah... that's what I thought too so I was confused when you said he wasn't gonna see me for a while. Now that I think about it though he has a habit of pushing people away when he wants to get things done. I'm guessing it's still there..."

Jimin can't help but hope that is the case instead of Jungkook regretting what happened between them and not wanting to see him again.

Jin smiles sadly.

"Sorry for crying about something like that... I'm so bothersome--"

Jin scoffs pulling Jimin into a hug.

"Not even! Don't say things like that, I already know you Jiminie. You're still that emotional baby and it's okay, we all love you anyways! Now Jungkook said he'll try to see you before competitions and if not we can always see him the day of okay?"

Jimin nods, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders at that.

"Okay now where did those two couch ruiners go?!"

*  
   *

*

Having time away from Jungkook makes Jimin a little ( _lotta)_ sad but only because for one, he misses Jungkook and two, he expected them to become best friends again (like Jungkook said they would) and of course best friends are always around each other so this process isn't going as planned... He wonders if he would've been this sad if he and Jungkook didn't fix things... he thinks maybe it would've been worse. Maybe he wouldn't have even been here to think about it. That's how much losing Jungkook affects him.

He knows it's pretty sad he's that attached to someone and probably really unhealthy to think that way but he can't help it. Luckily his medication helps a lot with the bad thoughts. He often forgets to take them but Jin reminds him and even though they make him drowsy, they've been working a lot.

His moods are stable (mostly happy these days with the help of his best friends) and he always has an appetite for everything Jin is cooking even if he still has a habit of pacing himself, eating small portions and forcing himself not to over eat.

He gains weight and he doesn't even realize it until Jin weighs him.

He's nervous, Jin's smiling encouragingly as always as he steps on the scale.

_114 pounds._

"Wah Jiminie! This is so good! It's only been a week since you left the hospital and you gained four pounds!"

Knowing that he's gained any type of weight in the past use to make him anxious, sick to his stomach even, and he'd automatically starve himself until he lost it yet now as Jin smiles at him brightly and Taehyung and Hoseok run from the living and into the bathroom, tackling him into a big hug.

He just feels... great.

It's a weird foreign feeling, way different from the pain and disgust he's so used to feeling. Just thinking about starving himself again bothers him and he thinks that this is definitely a turning point in his life.

He hugs his friends back and he suddenly wants to cry. _He does_ and they're happy tears of course.

"H-Hey what's wrong?!" Jin asks frantically after looking up from the clip board he wrote Jimin's weight on and seeing tears streaming down his face.

Hoseok pulls away too. "What?" He asks, eyes wide.

Jimin smiles brightly, giggling a little. "I'm just... happy?"

Taehyung smiles widely at that and pinches his cheeks, soon everyone is smiling again, hugging him again.

"Yah in no time you'll look like a chipmunk again! I can't wait!" Taehyung cheers and Jimin laughs, still not sure if he wants to look like a chipmunk again but definitely sure that he doesn't want to look like a skeleton.

He still hasn't looked in the mirror since he was in the hospital with Dr. Young.

_"Jimin you have to do this, trust me okay? Open your eyes--"_

_"No I can't! I-I can't! I don't want to look--"_

_"Jimin you can, I believe in you. Now... just open your eyes. You have nothing to be scared of. It's just you and me and you already know I'll never judge you..."_

Jimin remembers opening his eyes in the cool hospital bathroom, they were red and tear filled and he instantly regretted agreeing to the treatment right when he had laid eyes on himself.

He was truly skin and bones. Totally over what he ever imagined himself of being which was thin legs and slim waists -- not _skin and bones._ He wondered for a first, how did he ever get so bad?

 _"Do you like what you see?"_ Is what Dr. Young had asked him and before he knew it he was sobbing, small, skinny hand coming up to cover his mouth as he turned away and shook his head frantically at her.

He didn't like it, he _hated it,_ and wished he could go back to before things got _this bad --_ before he thought that _this,_ what he was now, was beauty.

Luckily over the course of his time in the hospital he's becoming to accept that he doesn't have to be skinny to be beautiful or better yet successful. In the dancing industry, especially ballet, the dancers are skinny and that's usually a norm -- usually what is looked for or seen as graceful, _stated by Ms. B._

Jimin wishes it wasn't, he wishes he could change that yet he knows he can't... he just hopes he could stay with this mindset forever but he has a big feeling that when he goes back to class and is soon again surrounded by beautiful slim women, things will change and he'll get self conscious again.

Jimin truly hopes that he doesn't... he's been doing so good with eating, _willingly,_ and not feeling, or wanting, to throw up.

He wants to gain weight... he doesn't want to see himself in the mirror like that again.

"Hey isn't it kind of weird to hug in the bathroom?" Hoseok suddenly asks, bringing Jimin out of his thoughts.

Jimin feels a blush on his cheeks at the question. Is it weird he's done this more than once?

"I doubt it, we've done worse things in the bathroom hyu--"

"Nope! Not in my bathroom!" Jin cuts Taehyung off and Jimin giggles as the older pulls out of the hug and pushes a smirking Taehyung out.

Hoseok has his hands over his eyes as he groans embarrassingly, Jimin laughs at him too.

"He has no filter! It's not funny Jimin!" Hoseok playfully kicks him.

"Yes it is hyung you're so red!"

Hoseok tackles him into a hug.

"Hey no hugging without me!" Taehyung calls from the hall way, running from Jin and throwing himself on the two hugging friends.

"Hey come back here couch ruiner!" Jin shouts, out of breath as he also joins the hug again.

Jimin cheeks hurt because he's smiling so hard. It's strange... last time he hugged in a bathroom he was sad and crying uncontrollably yet that same flutter of happiness was there too as Jungkook held him... the same flutter of happiness in which he has now.

Jimin once again questions why would he ever want to leave friends as great as this?

He still regrets it, wanting to die, and whenever he thinks of those times, that don't even feel like they were a month ago, he finds himself blurting out.

"I love you guys," his says through their laughs and like always they get quiet and hold him tighter.

"I love you too Chim!" Taehyung smile is so wide, Jimin's serious face and glazed eyes is breaking out into a big smile.

"We love you so much Jimin ah!" Hoseok cheers and Jimin loves seeing how happy he's been these days.

"What would I do without my baby?! Jimin I love you more then life itself!" Jin clutches his chest dramatically and Jimin playfully slaps his arm.

He feels so loved and it's a feeling he'll never get over, even if it's happening in a bathroom... where he's had some of his most worse times.

 _This feeling,_ it's a feeling he wants to have forever.

*

*

*

Recovery for some means going back to their happy days, and this includes getting rid of the things that don't fit in what they see as happy.

"You have a lot of makeup ChimChim."

They we're going through Jimin's things and getting rid of all the bad memories some of his stuff held.

"Yeah... T-Taeyang use to make me wear it because it made me look more feminine... I ended up wearing it to cover up bruises he left."

It gets noticeably silent after he says that and all his friends are frowning, Jimin just smiles, happily. "You can put it in the trash pile. I won't need to do that anymore."

They smile at that as well.

"And you don't need makeup! Your natural beauty is enough!" Jin declares and Jimin laughs.

"Wah Jimin is these your parents? You're like the perfect mix between them! And you're so cute!" Hoseok exclaims suddenly, in awe, while Jimin nods towards the old family picture he was holding. Jimin remembers taking that along with the little clothes he had as he left his, what once was, home.

"Ah little chim! Your dad looks so manly and you're mom was so pretty, you have her eyes..." Taehyung was also in awe as he looked at the photo.

"Yah really pretty. I see where you get it from Jiminie," Jin who's was now liking at the picture commented.

Jimin smiles at their words but it's a bit sad and Jin eyes him knowingly.

"Did you ever agree to seeing you mom?" He questions and Jimin purses his lips in as he averts his eyes.

"No... i-its not that I don't want to, I do. It's just... I think I'm doing really good now and I don't want to see her and relive everything I went through around her."

Of course his friends nod in understanding. "She let me go through a lot then and she may be sorry now but I can't just forgive her for not caring. So even if I see her it won't really do much... I probably sound selfish but I just want to focus on myself right now."

"That's not selfish, you're right Jiminie," Hoseok agrees and Jimin gives him a grateful nod.

"Do you miss her though?" Jin asks softly and Jimin nods, he can't help but miss his mom, his real mom.

"The old her yeah... I-I miss her and my dad. I know after all the drugs she did though, she probably won't be the same but in the future I think I'll be ready to see her. I just want to be stable before doing that though..." Jimin exclaims reaching their eyes now.

Taehyung speaks up, face serious. "You will be. As long as you have us, okay Chim?"

Jimin smiles, nodding, and then they go back to sorting out his things. He goes to the picture, feeling an immense amount of warmth going through his chest at the sight of the family photo. He'll never forget the happiness that once flooded his home. The talks of their days, more siblings, eating hearty dinners. The laughs, the hugs, the kisses. He wishes he could relive one of those days.

He doesn't even know when things changed, especially for his father. But he wouldn't change what happened. Things would've probably been way different now but he likes where he's at now, he getting better, he happy (even though he misses Jungkook) and he wouldn't change that.

"Jiminie... what is this?"  Jin's holding up an old wrinkled paper.

Jimin set down his family picture in the keep pile, then took the paper, immediately knowing what is was.

"M-My... my dad left me this paper before he... killed himself," Jimin never really talked about his past from before the orphanage, and the only person who knew about his parents was Jin and of course Jungkook -- who also knew about Daesuk, someone he never would've brought up ever. Not even to his closest friends. It's not like he doesn't trust them it's just he doesn't like thinking of bad memories and he doesn't want to trouble them with those images so he rather not tell them.

"When things were hard for me in the orphanage and Jin hyungie wasn't there to comfort me I use to hold this and that picture of my parents and me, then I'd just cry and question myself why things had to be that way or why'd my dad have to cheat on my mom... why things had to go bad you know?" Jimin smiles sadly, Jin reaching out to hold one of his hands.

"Jimin..."

"I got over doing that but I did it when Taeyang came home drunk and I hid in the closet... it started to become my safe place. He was always too drunk to find me so I'd just sit and stare at that picture or clutch this paper to myself. I don't know why I still have this paper though honestly. The picture gives me good memories but this paper... it always made me feel guilty," Jimin chuckles a little, staring down at the coffee stain on the paper hard.

"My mom use to tell me it was my fault my dad cheated... if it wasn't because of my soccer practice then she said he wouldn't have had a chance to cheat. Now I know he would've cheated anyways, regardless of if I had practice or not. Then I was gullible and didn't know any better. I believed her and I believed that it was my fault that my dad cheated, I believed it was my fault that my mom was hitting and cussing at my father, I believed it was my fault that they ignored me, I believed it was my fault that my mom began drinking and doing drugs, I believed it was my fault that my dad killed himself and left me with her... so that she could neglect me and leave me hungry and... let h-her b-boyfriend touch me and not care..." Jimin doesn't even realize he's crying.

Taehyung frowns, Hoseok and Jin silently crying along with him.

"Chim..."

"I thought I was worthless for a long time and I realized after a long time and with the help of you guys and Dr. Young and... and Jungkookie, I realized If you guys love me so much I must be worth something. I've never had a group of people that have cared about me like this... and I know know that none of that was my fault, seeing this paper again..." Jimin crumbles it up for the last time and places it in the trash pile along with all the makeup, clothes stained with blood, and jewelry Taeyang bought him to keep silent and forgive him. "And being around you guys made me realize that. I'm sorry for not realizing sooner."

His friends are hugging him again and telling him it's okay and for once he doesn't doubt it.

"No I'm sorry for knowing this sugar daddy was no good from the start! That's how they all start out buying you things then getting obsessed! Do you remember that sugar daddy I had when you were in high school Jimin?!"

Jimin covers his mouth in a loud laugh at Jin's sudden outburst, while Taehyung and Hoseok who hadn't knew him then stare confused, questioning _who, who?!_

Jimin is grateful for the topic change, he's grateful for having friends that'll just listen and know when to talk to him or when to comfort him when they know the subject doesn't needs to be pushed. They know how to get his mind off the bad forever and he's so ecstatic to have him, he feels so warm.

"Yes I remember him hyung! How can I forget about Ken!?"

"Ken? The Barbie?" Taehyung questioned jokingly and Jin nudges his arm, eyes still wet but there's no sadness on his face anymore.

"Yes Jin thing was the Barbie to his Ken," Jimin jokes and Hoseok laughs, not crying anymore either though he sniffles.

"And now he's the beat cookie to hyungs rap monster."

"Ew I missed your cringey jokes Jiminie!" Hoseok shakes Jimin who laughs along with Taehyung at his own dumb pun.

"I didn't!" Jin crosses his arms with a pout and Jimin pulls him into a tight hug.

He feels so warm...

*

*

Jimin learns in this journey you may lose somethings that are important to you but change is good, Jimin wanted a change -- or needed one Taehyung declared.

"I can't do a crazy color though Taehyung! I have to go back to class soon and Ms. B won't let me perform with a crazy color!"

She probably won't let him perform at all honestly, he's nearly two months behind on practicing.

"Cmon Jiminie live a little! Pink would look so good on you!"

"No! It's way too bright! Everyone will tease me even more!"

"Forget them! If they do I'll sallywhop them like hyung called it!"

Jimin giggles. "I think the term was 'molly whop'."

"Whatever it was! I'll do it to them!"

"Okay but really Taehyung I can't dance at performances with this color."

Taehyung sighs dramatically, placing the dye back in the aisles then going to look for another color.

"Oh! What about blonde! We can be blondes together-- aish wait no... this red looks really good I think I wanna go red."

Jimin chuckles at him and then he suddenly gasps.

"Wah! This is the perfect color! Orange!"

Jimin raises a brow. "Perfect? Orange is bright too though Tae--"

"No! This one is like really settle, look!" He shows Jimin the box and Jimin purses his lips at the color. It's really pretty and nice.

"You'd look so good with this color! Please let me buy it for you! Please! Please!"

Jimin sighs, though he's really excited. "Fine..." Taehyung cheers excitedly, chanting, " _I'm gonna dye Jiminie's hair!" o_ ver and over.

"You have to do all the work though, including the cleaning up because I don't know how to get dye up and I don't want Jin hyung having a fit."

Taehyung who is hopping, dye clutched to his chest, laughs.

"Don't worry we'll do it at my dorm! I want them to be surprised when they see you , especially Jungkookie! Aren't you excited for his match tomorrow?! He's gonna be so what do they call it online, ' _shooked'!"_

Jimin blushes at the thought of Jungkook being in awe at his new hair color. Jimin can't help but hope he'll like it... he knows he doesn't have to please Jungkook -- they're just friends and even if they weren't he knows now that his feeling come first so if he likes it himself then the color will stay, regardless of Jungkook's opinion.

Sure he might be a little sad if Jungkook doesn't like the color but it is what it is.

_Still..._

Jimin can't help but smile at the thought of Jungkook _loving_ the color. It makes Jimin want to dye it even more, along with his in need of a new change.

Jimin can't wait.

"Aw you're smiling! You're thinking about it aren't you!?" Taehyung teases him and he blushes even more liking away, with a head shake.

"Yes you are Chim! I can read you easily you can't lie to me!" Taehyung pulls him into hug, lifting him up and spinning.

"Okay! Okay! I'm excited!"

"Yay! Okay lets go do this then!"

*  
       *  
   *

"Your hair is so nice and healthy! I kind of don't want to bleach it!" Taehyung whines and Jimin who is sitting down in between his legs tsks.

"Nope! You already got my hopes up so come on!"

"Fine!" Taehyung drawls out like a child and soon enough it's too late to turn back.

Jimin's leg is moving nervously and overall getting his hair dyed is a hassle and the bleach burns his eyes but Taehyung seems to know what he's doing, plus he makes things ten times better just with his happy presence.

"Tae you know what? You never told me how you and Hoseok hyung got together... I heard his side but I want to hear yours too."

"Okay I'll tell you but you have to tell me about you and Jungkookie first!"

Jimin is the one whining now. "Aish really?"

"Yes! Cmon tell me how you got together with my man crush!"

Jimin giggles. "Oh yeah I forgot you had a crush on him I'm sorry--"

"It was more of a crush on his skills and good looks and it wasn't going anywhere, I knew from the moment I saw you two hugging that day you had a panic attack that he felt something for you. Plus I've had a crush on Hoseok hyung for a long time so it doesn't matter."

"Really?"

"Yes but quite changing the subject Chim! Tell me how it happened!"

Jimin pouts. "Okay fine... um I've always like Jungkookie too. Since we were kids and I don't know I guess seeing him again brought those feelings up and I knew it was wrong to feel stuff for him when I had Taeyang but I couldn't help it... Taeyang treated me so bad and at first Jungkook did too but it was for protective reasons and he apologized and I forgave him and then he treated me so well like the way he did when we were kids," Jimin sighs. "I felt safe and warm around him and I enjoyed being in his arms more then I should've even if nothing happened and we were just hugging. He... he was the first person who knew about the way Taeyang was truly treating me and I denied it for so long but of course he knows me so well. One day after my performance Taeyang sent me home and Jungkook didn't let me walk alone because for one I didn't have shoes and he's just protective like that, so he gave me a piggyback. We got to the apartment building and like an idiot I didn't have my keys so I was planning on waiting but you know Jungkook wasn't going to let me. I told him no at first because I was scared of Taeyang but after a long while I agreed to going and a lot happened that night. I got sick after he convinced me to eat something... and he helped me. Overall he was really sweet and comforting that night and we talked about a lot of personal things and one thing led to another and... and I just felt so wanted and loved. In the morning though I regretted everything because I was scared. He told me the night before that I could stay but I was scared for his safety and so I just went back and you know what happened after that..."

"You always think about others before yourself, I often wonder if there's anyone as selfless as you," Taehyung speaks honestly, his voice calm and relaxing, as he runs a comb through the setting hair.

Jimin looks back at him and offers a soft smile. "And I often wonder if there's anyone as uplifting as you. Just seeing you smile makes me happy."

Taehyung smiles widely, squeezing Jimin into a back hug and nuzzling his cheek with his nose.

"Aw Chim! You make my heart flutter stop! That's Hoseok's job!"

Jimin giggles and Taehyung pulls away, going back to the task at hand.

"Okay before I tell you about me and Hobi hyung, you have to tell me... was it good?" There's a suggestive tone in Taehyung's voice and he has an eyebrow raised, along with a smirk set on his lips.

"Was what good?" Jimin's eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and Taehyung chuckles at how adorable he looks with his hair combed back and his face flushed from the bleach.

"You know..." Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows and shoulders, "Jungkook. Was the sex as good as his fights?"

Jimin's face immediately goes red and though he has a feeling Taehyung could've been referring to that topic, he didn't want to seem... perverted.

Of course Taehyung has no filter though.

"Tae..." Jimin whines and Taehyung huffs.

"Cmon Jiminie tell me! I'm one of your best friends, were supposed to talk about these things!"

"That's strange!--"

"Not even! Okay if you tell me about Jungkook and you then I'll tell you about Hoseok hyung and I doing--

"I don't want to know about what you two do!"

Taehyung scoffs, almost offended.   
"Our sex is really hot thou--"

Jimin puts his hands over his ears, a now subconscious technique Jin makes him do when Hoseok and Taehyung are over and Taehyung is whispering dirty things to him out loud.

"Okay how about this... I'll ask a question and you just nod or shake your head?"

Jimin makes a face, he can feel his cheeks burning. "Why are you so interested?!"

"Because! It's Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin!"

Jimin frowns and he can't help but say, "I'm nothing compared to Jungkook--"

Taehyung doesn't appreciate it one bit. "Don't say that! You're everything to us and especially Jungkook! One day you'll be one of the top dancers too, so don't think like that! To me you're already there so don't compare yourself to anyone. You're you for a reason."

Taehyung is frowning now and Jimin instantly feels bad, he pats the taller's knee.

"I'm sorry... thank you."

Taehyung has a point... there is truly no one like you, you should always remember that -- Jimin tries his best to.

"It's okay and you're welcome... now... who topped?"

Taehyung is suddenly smiling again, little airy snorts coming out and Jimin can't hide his smile.

He turns around while Taehyung vegans to come the bleach through one last time.

"Him..."

Jimin thinks his cheeks are probably permanently red as Taehyung gasps.

"No offense Jiminie but I kind of expected it, though! He seems like he's willingly to get his booty rubbed a little--"

Jimin giggles loudly. "Tae!"

"What?! It's true! Even though Hobi hyung lets me top I like when he grabs my butt!"

"Oh my god..." Jimin shakes his head at his best friend. "We only did it once so... I'm not sure what he's into. I wasn't really you know a fan of it... with Taeyang--"

"Why?" Taehyung asks abruptly and Jimin gives a sheepish smile.

"He was a little..." Taehyung snorts and Jimin sighs. "Well a lot t-too rough... but with Jungkook I don't know... he was really gentle and sweet and he made sure I was pleased even before himself. He even asked me if I wanted to top... Taeyang never gave me that choice."

"Wah a gentleman... when Hobi hyung is horny he just expects me to know and gets an attitude if I don't! _Taehyung ah I'm stressed! Do something about it!"_

Jimin laughs, hand covering his mouth and head thrown back. "Seems like hyung likes doing it with you then... that's a good thing."

Taehyung hums. "Did Taeyang at least give you a choice of when you wanted to do it?"

Jimin shakes his head, sighing. "No. He just did it whenever... mostly all of the times I never wanted to because it was never pleasurable for me and also since I knew he was cheating I was always scared he'd give me something... luckily but not really he hasn't fully accepted himself or me and always used protection."

Taehyung shakes his head. "How sad... what about Jungkook? Is he gay or is it just for you? I heard a lot of guys in relationships with other guys are like that! Hoseok thought he was the only one because apparently he's straight and doesn't understand why he likes me so much, I looked it up though and found out that they're are guys like that, not necessarily gay but not totally straight neither kind of bi like me. Overall Hoseok is in denial, he's so gay for me."

Jimin chuckles, wrapping his arms around himself. "Well Jungkook has never been with anyone before me so--"

"You popped his cherry!?"

Jimin doesn't say anything but his face flushed even more and Taehyung knew then and there, he cheers. "Oh my god ChimChim!"

"So anyways..." Jimin giggles, Taehyung shaking his shoulders excitedly. "I'm not sure what exactly he is... we've never talked about it and he's always kind of made it clear that he's only ever cared about me me which is still surprising for me... but I don't know... I think it's just a topic he never really felt the need to talk about."

"Or maybe he just knows what he wants and that's you so there's no need."

"I guess... though I wouldn't say me and Jungkook are in a relationship... we settled on just being friends for now--"

"What why?! Jiminie someone is gonna try to snatch him you better cuff him quickly!"

Jimin can't help but to laugh, though the situation is more serious so he calms. "I know but I just think we both don't want to rush things... or so we said... last time we were together and he spent a night at Jin hyung's place he kissed me so--"

"He kissed you!? Ah!!! Jiminie! He obviously still wants to be more than friends! You better get some! Need condoms I bought a lot!--"

"No Tae! Oh my goodness... I just... I-I want to be more than friends with him too but I don't know... I'm just letting things happen because I did just get out of a really horrible relationship and I'm just scared... like I trust Jungkookie but I can't help it. He's so handsome and talented and can get anyone he wants yet he wants me and I'm happy of course but I still get worried that that'll change... especially when he distances himself."

Taehyung sighs. "Jimin I'm telling you it wont. Jungkook is literally so attached to you a blind person can see, okay? He probably having these same feeling about you right now and feels like distancing himself from you will not cause any problems, just talk to him when you see him okay?"

"Okay..."

"Now..." Taehyung giggles. "Was it like good or really good eyes roll back to your head and feel it in your heart good?"

Jimin sputters. "Oh my god... Tae! You're so embarrassing!"

"Cmon Jiminie you can tell me! Was he small? Average? Above average like the blessed man sitting behind you?" Taehyung makes a face and though Jimin doesn't see it he snorts.

"... really big."

"Wah! I knew it! And really good to huh?"

"... yeah."

"Ah shit! My little Chim be getting that good gochu!"

" _Tae_!"

"Did he suck you off?"

"I'm not telling you anything else..."

" _He did!"_

*  
*

In the end of their talk and dye session Jimin learns that Taehyung's story is just the same as Hoseok's, though a more rated R version yet still fluffy enough to make Jimin smile even if it internally saddens him to know he was the reason why Taehyung had to comfort Hoseok. Taehyung tells him not to worry about it though because he probably wouldn't have ever gotten the chance to confess if Hoseok wasn't crying then and there and he didn't know any other way to calm the other but then to kiss him... and other things but that's besides the point. The hair color ends up being too bright since they kind of left the blonde in for too long and Jimin was practically platinum but after a few washes it turns out perfect, just like the color on the box.

"Wah... Tae you did amazing. Thank you so much, I feel like a new person," though the barely faded scar, he often hides, on his wrist and up his arm will forever remind him of his past and what he's done, seeing something new on him gives him hope of a forever change and new beginnings.

"Of course anything for you my sweet Jiminie!" Taehyung smiles brightly, watching Jimin, who's smiling in awe, run his hands through his hair.

"Ah I'm jealous the color fits you so well! Especially since you've gotten a little color back in your skin, and you look really hot with it all messy like this I'm kind of thinking about stealing you from Jungkook ah."

Jimin giggles at that. "You might have to fight him for it."

"Oh hell no he is kind of possessive I forgot. Oh my god the way he beat up Taeyang will forever haunt me especially cause I stopped it, I was so scared you should've seen the look in his eyes Jiminie. I knew he wouldn't hurt me obviously but it was overwhelming seeing how crazy he could get over you," Taehyung chuckles and Jimin feels his stomach swarm with butterflies at what his best friend is telling him. He thinks his friends are right, he shouldn't doubt Jungkook.

"He really cares about you, I can't wait until he sees you, he'll be even more crazy! But like a sexually frustrated crazy watch! Now let me trim it some, flat iron it a little, and turn you into the fluffy sexy bad bitch you've always secretly been."

"Haha okay Tae... we'll see," Jimin says calmly though in reality, he really _can't_ wait and for once... after seeing color in his skin, weight on him even if it's only a little (of course he notices ever change though), and no signs of stress...

He feels good about himself.

He can't wait for Jungkook to see him, he hopes the other will be as happy as he feels.

**an.**

**I think that's a pretty happy note to leave this chapter on, or at least I hope it is. Sorry for any errors, I'm also sorry for updating so late, I'm already starting the next chapter which I'm really excited to show off because a lot happens! I hope you guys enjoy this more calm & a little angsty & a lot of fun & informative chapter I guess until I get the next one out :) I'm not gonna lie I really loved writing some vmin <3 vote, please leave feedback I love it, & follow me on my social medias if you want, they're on my page c:**


	24. Chapter 24

"Competitions start tomorrow and today is the final day to tell and show me that you want to compete. I've shown you a lot over the past couple months and though many of you are new to my class, seeing as you're freshman, I want you to know that doesn't matter. Being new won't eliminate you from being able to compete. Competitions aren't just based on your knowledge and experience in a sport, it's based on your skills too and I've seen many of you grow very experienced in skill, some I have not and you still need help but that's what I'm here for. Still, if you know you're one of those people who need help I personally wouldn't volunteer if I were you. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, these other kids are very trained and take Taekwondo very serious like I know some of you do as well," Jungkook purses his lips when the grandmaster's eyes fall on him.

"I have high hopes for many of you and I'm not saying that if you aren't highly skilled that you shouldn't try. I'm saying that if you aren't confident and you truly know you aren't up to par and can't even win a spar now against your classmates then you probably shouldn't get on that mat during competitions. There will be other competitions later on so don't worry about forcing yourself to fight now when you truly don't believe in yourself."

Jungkook hears a few girls sigh in relief at that and snorts.

The grandmaster continues, "Those of you who are sure that you want to compete are probably the same people who think they don't even need my help at this point but you're wrong. Sure you can win a spar, but others can too. Especially from other schools were they're forced to train more than I require you to. They take fighting very serious, as do you end they too expect to be the one stepping off that mat as the winner so remember that before you sign up and as always, believe in yourself... Now who in here thinks that they're ready?"

Jungkook's hand immediately goes up while everyone else is hesitating, even the most confident person in the room(though he still loses spars against Jungkook), Minho.

The grandmaster takes notice instantly and Jungkook's surprised at _his_ surprised expression.

"Jungkook ah? Hm... I don't know why I'm surprised but I am."

Jungkook makes a face, urging him to elaborate.

"You're my newest student and you're not in the highest ranking I currently have in my class yet you're the only one that raised their hand so quickly, and that's why I'm surprised."

"I raised my hand too!" A voice, Minho, suddenly exclaims defensively but he's completely ignored even by the other classmates who are all very serious at the grandmasters words.

"It shows that confidence has _nothing_ to do with what ranking you are in nor how much you _think_ you know. Most think skill is what's most important especially to win a fight yet it's not the only thing nor the main. _Confidence_ is the main key when fighting and the main thing that drives one to get onto the mat on the first place. If you believe in yourself and that you can win then you eventually will. As long as you don't give up and keep trying. Therefore don't feel down if you know you're not ready, to even my higher ranking students, I was once discouraged before and scared to get on the mat. I'm smaller than most and I was scared that my competitor would easily drop me, and they did for a while yet I never gave up. I just got stronger and stronger with the fixation in my mind to not only finally win but to prove to myself that I could do it. I didn't care about the prize or title and I'm not saying you shouldn't either but I am saying that _this, Taekwondo,_ should be for you. To prove yourself, to relieve pain or anger or even happiness, _whatever_ this is to you should be just that. _Something,_ that drives you to do well in this sport maybe it's just for fun and you could care less about winning, I don't mind as long as you have a purpose to want to do this. Purpose is the lock to the key, believing in yourself or why you do this is what strikes purpose in the first. I want you all to remember that and why you do this when you finally step on a mat, especially during a serious competition where ones confidence can easily turn into arrogance; something you shouldn't want to have because that simply revolts against what you initially are doing this sport for," the grandmaster finishes his speech off calmly and like his words didn't just effect everyone in the room, including Minho, and especially Jungkook who's thinking about why he began fighting in the first place...

What was his purpose? To be truthful his initial purpose was nothing, he had _none._ He started sports because his parents forced him to and as a kid he didn't realize that. Then he only thought it was all fun and games, yet when his parents started placing him into competitions and scolding him when he fucked up he realized it was serious, to them at least. He never knew why -- all the medals and trophies around the house, the videos and tapes of competitions, the fans going crazy over his parents... For so long he never knew the value of it all, he didn't know why his father would hold up a big trophy in front of him and tell him that this is everything, _to win,_ is _everything._ He'd always question why and his father would simply say to him that no one would question his worth if he always won. Jungkook didn't understand why you had to win to be worthy yet he didn't tell his father that, he knew his father wouldn't like it and he knew his mother wouldn't answer it.

He began to want to impress his parents, that was his purpose next and only because his parents expected that. They expected him to follow in their footsteps and he did, he had no choice really. Even when he enjoyed a particular sport it was never enough for them, to enjoy it meant nothing to them, _to win_ mean _everything._ So he did, he started training and winning every sport his parents put him in. He became the child his parents wanted all until... he met Jimin.

Meeting Jimin, this chubby cheeked short boy with warm eyes, began to make him realize sports and winning wasn't the only thing that was important -- especially if Jimin always lost _and never cared._ Jungkook then found it odd that the small boy didn't care that he always lost and instead would giggle and laugh because he was simply having fun -- even if he did get bullied for making the team get a foul.

Jungkook was so brainwashed into winning that he forgot how fun a sport can be and practicing with Jimin (after they became friends -- or Jimin basically forced him to be friends with him) began to bring out all the happiness that sports used to bring him.

After Jimin stopped coming and eventually left, is when Jungkook got serious again -- hurt even. And though now he knows the truth then he didn't. He was worried about Jimin then, he was upset and scared and angry that he didn't know what happened to his _best_ friend and his parents didn't even care.

His parents knew how special Jimin was to him, sure they didn't know the depths of it or how Jungkook would skips practice to hang out with Jimin and let the other make him bracelets and kiss him on the cheek and hug him tightly when he was frustrated-- they didn't know any of that seeing as they attempted to keep Jungkook away from Jimin since Jimin in their eyes _didn't_ care and was just _using_ him.

Jungkook truly hated his parents for that, for judging Jimin without even knowing who the boy truly was.

Jungkook did though, he knew Jimin, he knew Jimin cared and he himself could care less about Jimin's looks or wealth especially as a child. Those things shouldn't matter and they didn't to Jungkook. He saw Jimin for Jimin, for his kindness, his warmth, his _love._

It's all still there and as he thinks about it now he realizes he does this for Jimin... he wants to make Jimin proud and he _knows, he definitely knows_ that this, fighting, isn't the way to do it but it's a purpose. He wants Jimin, who's always been, to keep being proud of him, he wants to see those warm eyes and bright smile when he steps off that mat as a winner -- or loser, he knows Jimin would still be smiling anyways... unlike his parents.

Jungkook wants to snort at that because he knows even if he does win he'll never be good enough to his parents or specifically his father.

To be better than his father is what he finally wanted in his time of anger and hurt and yes he still wants that but not just in terms of fighting but in person too.

Maybe even more now that he has a new purpose... Jimin.

Jimin always finds his way back to the list of things Jungkook wants and as he took in the teacher's words he's completely sure of his want to prove himself.

To prove to his father that he is worthy, he can win and he's already proven that before. Maybe his father hasn't saw it, even with the trophy or medal in his hands, but others have. They've seen his skills, he's won so many fights now from when he started as _nothing._ Not even being able to stand on a mat for more than a minute and now he's dropping people within a minute.

He's grown so much and he finally has a purpose he wants forever, one that involves Jimin.

He'll prove his parents wrong, and do so with Jimin by his side. He'll show them that Jimin is what made him something... Jimin is what he needs to win and he's sure of it. It's always been, even when Jimin wasn't around... he still kept that bracelet, he still remembered the feeling of those kisses even when he forced himself to forget.

It never worked and Jungkook now realizes why...

Everything makes since now.

His purpose makes sense.

*   
*  
  


Jungkook sighs at the sound of his phone ringing during his sparring with the grandmaster, who raises an eyebrow at him.

It's late, Jungkook should be heading home to sleep but here he was practicing again, his father probably calling to remind him to win tomorrow.

"He's called you about seven times now."

"I know."

"Aren't you going to see what he wants?"

Jungkook doesn't hesitate. "No."

"Hm," the old man hums. "Why not?"

"I don't want to," Jungkook states plainly and the grandmaster stares at him blankly, his small eyes observing and bushy brows high. Jungkook _hates_ when he does this.

"There's something on your mind isn't there?"

Jungkook doesn't acknowledge the question, and instead sighs and goes to spar with the bean bag.

"You've been doing really well lately Jungkook. You seem more powerful and better physically and also not so worried anymore, yet I still sense that something's holding you back... is it your father... or maybe that friend of yours still?"

Jungkook's jaw tightens unconsciously hard at the later and the teacher makes a pleased sound. "Ah so it is..."

"It's... it's not. I faced him and we made up."

"But?"

Jungkook lets out a tight breath of air that was suddenly enclosing on his throat. "But... I don't know? I don't want to hurt him again, especially when I'm fight minded, so I'm trying to stay away."

"And you really believe that you pushing yourself away is better? You don't think that this is hurting him even more?"

Jungkook swallows hard at that. Of course he's had a feeling that maybe him doing this will just make things worse, make Jimin even more sad, but then he thinks about how snappy and angry and antisocial he gets at times like this, especially when his parents were around and always judging him for any mistakes even simple ones.

They're not anymore obviously but he's still scared, he doesn't want Jimin to stress over him being stressed so instead he pushes himself away... expecting himself to be serious now and only about the fight yet all he can think about is Jimin. Is Jimin worried? Is he doing better? _I should have at least texted him... told him I wasn't pushing_ ** _him_** _away._

_"He is my purpose after all..."_

Jungkook hopes Jimin doesn't think he's pushing him away -- of course he probably does though. He's probably so worried right now, probably cried a little... Jungkook hates himself for imagining Jimin crying because Jin told him he'd be busy.

Jin's a good hyung though... he probably explained things better than Jungkook initially told him -- or so Jungkook hopes he did, or more so hopes whatever Jin could've said got through to Jimin's good side of his brain.

Jungkook can't wait to see Jimin tomorrow. He's not even worried about the fight truly, he's confident and he believes he has this first fight in the bag, especially since he knows what he's fighting for. He's only worried about seeing Jimin... he excited of course! But he knows Jimin doesn't like fighting -- yet was still willing to come just for him.

It means a lot... and Jungkook thinks how could he ever push himself away from someone like Jimin? Someone so destructed but so unconsciously sweet and selfless... Jungkook still regrets ever calling him selfish. Jimin was anything but selfish, and at the time, when he wanted to end things, he was doing it because he truly believed everyone would be better off without him.

Jungkook regrets pushing himself away... because even if Jimin doesn't see it this way, _this_ what he's doing right now, him distancing himself is selfish.

"You're right it probably is... but he's understanding... he knows how I am when I get like this," Jungkook says the same thing he told Jin and instead of the worried look he received then he only gets another raised brow.

"I'm assuming when you say like this it's stressed. Because truly you don't seem fight minded to me Jungkook, you only seem worried. You're body is in it but your mind is still fighting itself and I believe it's over him."

"My mind has nothing to do with a fight--"

"Your mind has everything to do with a fight," the grandmaster cuts him off sternly. "How do you expect to win a fight if you're thinking about apologizing to your friend for not seeing him when it's obvious you want to."

Jungkook gulps, teeth clinched tightly again one another. "I've won all my past fights just fine."

"Yes but then you had nothing to worry about but your parents obsession for you to win, now you have him. Remember what I said earlier, remember your purpose. He's your purpose isn't he?"

Jungkook stares at the grandmaster wondering how he could've known something like that and the grandmaster simply stares back, expectantly.

Jungkook sighs, nodding because _he's right as always_

"It's too late for me to see Jimin now," Jungkook starts, "I'll have to see him tomorrow."

The old man makes a rare face that includes teasing eyes and a slanted smile. "Ah Jimin is it? Okay then you'll do that! You'll see this Jimin ah tomorrow! No excuses--"

Jungkook's face flushes. "I'm not making an excuse I'm just saying--"

"Okay then Good," the grandmaster cuts him off and offers a smile. "Now, until then go get some rest so you can win this fight tomorrow young master."

"Ah but I was thinking about going for another hour..."

The old mans smile drops into a sigh. "Jungkook your match is tomorrow and you're the only one in the class who wants to participate and I know you can win but I'm not sure you will if you're too tired to do so. Therefore don't push yourself. Go and get some sleep, you've done enough training for today."

"I'm fine, I just need another hour--"

"How do you expect to win if you're worn out?"The grandmaster questions idly and Jungkook sighs again -- _he's right._

"My parents will be watching."

"Do they not always watch? What are you worried about?"

"Im not worried. I have a good feeling I'll win but anything can happen and it's just... they expect a lot."

"And you'll show them even more than what they expect. Jungkook ah, I've trained you well haven't I?"

Jungkook nods. "Of course, you've taught and shown me a lot of things my father would have never taught me."

"Okay then. Have faith in what you've learned and show for it. Don't worry about anything your father says, this is your time. You're the only person from the team who thinks they're ready to compete against the whole nation--"

"Minho thinks he's ready too though--"

"And how many times has Minho won a spar against you?"

Jungkook goes silent at the man's question.

"I... okay,"Jungkook nods again. "You're right. Thank you for everything so far Sabeom nim."

The bald man waves him off. "Don't thank me! The match is tomorrow, do you really think you're ready?"

Jungkook gives a smile. "With all that you've taught me, of course."

"Then show it."

_And show it Jungkook will._

*

     *

"It healed really nicely."

"Yeah..." Jimin responds back softly as Jin completely takes the bandage off of his wrist and cleans it. He doesn't know how to feel as he looks down at the long  pink scar.

He sad and there's a lot of regret seeping in him but he knows he can't change back time. Of course he could wish to never have done that but that'd be useless, the memory of wanting to will always be there. Thankfully, Jimin doesn't get urges to hurt himself, though he still feels useless somedays especially when he wasn't allowed to do much, not even clean. Jin lets him know though that he's not and just his presence being here was enough. Remembering those words make Jimin happy and he smiles up at Jin who smiles back, cheeky and full eyes.

"What are you really happy to get it off?" He asks with a laugh and Jimin shrugs.

"I don't know... it feels weird because I got use to the bandage being there but yeah I guess I am pretty happy."

"Do you want to forget about it?" Jin then asks and Jimin bites his bottom lip as he hums.

"Um... not necessarily which is weird... but I think it's a good reminder to not let myself get so bad again. Every time I look at it I'll remember what happened and I never want to go through that again."

Jin nods then caresses Jimin's face. "I'm happy to hear that Jiminie... okay! Let's finish getting ready!"

Jimin pulls his sleeve down and stands so Jin can help him with his hair.

"I still can't believe you're a tangerine now! Where is my black haired Jiminie?!"

Jimin giggles at Jin's over dramatic-ness. They were currently getting ready for Jungkook's tournament and Jimin has been really giddy all day for it.

"I'm still the same..." Jimin replies softly, looking up at Jin through the mirror.

Jin smiles gently, cheeks squishing up and eyes filled with adoration. He places the thin tooth comb down then pulls Jimin into a tight back hug. Jimin returns it with a happy laugh and they sway back and forth.

"Aish Jiminie I love seeing you like this! All cute and happy! It fills my heart."

Jimin laughs again, "I've been happy for a while now."

"That's a good thing and I know but you're especially happy today, you haven't stopped smiling since breakfast. Is there a reason for that? Maybe one that includes a boy I heard that goes by the name Jungkook--"

"Ahh no! Really I'm just happy to get out!" Jimin denies in a giggle, but he and Jin both know it's the truth. He's excited to see Jungkook.

"Lies! You missed him I know you did! And now you're gonna finally see him and watch him be so stunned by your hair he might lose--"

"Hyung! Don't say that! Oh my god you might jinx it!" Jimin panics, turning around and Jin laughs loudly while hugging him.

"Aw Jimin you're so cute! I've seen Jungkook practice don't worry! He'll easily win this fight okay? It's only the first fight of the season anyways."

Jimin nods, trusting Jin and letting out a worried break.

"Okay... you're right anyways. I don't think I've ever saw him lose before even as kids," Jimin chuckles a little at that, remembering how competitive Jungkook used to be.

"Surprisingly he told me he use to actually not be good at Taekwondo," Jin mentions, fixing Jimins hair again one last time.

"Wah really? I-I can't even imagine him being being bad at something..." Jimin frowns. "It was probably when we were apart, I don't remember him doing Taekwondo back then. I never even thought he'd go into such a field neither but it's pretty expectant I guess, his dad use to do it and made him do a lot of sports."

"Wow his dad was a fighter too?" Jin questions, eyes wide.

Jimin nods. "Yeah he competed in the summer Olympics back in his day and won the bronze I think? I'm not sure... Jungkook never really liked talking about his parents unless he was complaining about them being too hard on him. Other than that I never asked because they weren't the friendliest..."

Jin is frowning now too. "Why'd you say that? Did they do something to you back then?"

Jimin smiles softly. "Don't worry it was nothing serious... just they told Jungkook to stay away from me because I wasn't up to their standards and my parents were dysfunctional you know..."

Jin's face is clearly annoyed as Jimin tries to drop the situation.

"No I don't know. You were clearly going through things then and instead of caring they told Jungkook to leave you alone? Wah! And they call themselves parents!"

Jimin tries to laugh to defuse Jin's anger. "Jin hyung its fine! It's been years I'm over it. Jungkook didn't even care what they thought and still hung out with me anyways so it doesn't matter."

"Okay sure he did and that because he cares, still... his parents don't and they suck! Wait till they see you now and realize Jungkook's doing more than just hanging with you!"

Jimin whines, feeling a blush fiercely grow onto his face. "Hyung! Oh my gosh! Stop we're just friends!"

Jin makes a face, one that your mother or close aunt would give you when they found out you been holding secrets from them. "Friends that kiss? Yeah Taehyung told me! I knew you two were being sneaky by the front door!"

Jimin covers his face while Jin laughs.

"It's wasn't even like that... it was just a kiss."

"But you two have done more than a kiss! So why are you embarrassed?!"

Luckily the doorbell ringing saves Jimin from Jin's teasing and he dashes out the door.

"Oi! That might either be Jungkook or Tae and Hobi," Jin calls and Jimin smiles excited at whoever it could be but most definitely hoping it would be Jungkook who did say he would try to see him before his fight.

Sadly, but not really, it's Hoseok and a new found red head Taehyung who's sporting many hickeys to match the color of his hair.

Jimin feels himself down at little at Jungkook not being at the door but he enlightens quickly at the sight of his friends.

"Wowww! First I come home to cherry Tae and now Jimin you're an orange!" Hoseok exclaims, both him and Tae dressed nicely for the match as they make their way inside Jin's apartment.

Jimin giggles at Hoseok's astonishment, not even feeling the slightest ounce of disappointment.

"It looks so good! Babe you did a great job!" Hoseok praises in awe, while stoking Jimin's hair.

Jimin smiles happily at that and though he's not used to hearing his best friend call his other best friend with a pet name it makes his heart fill for them anyways.

_They're so cute!_

Even his conscious manages a good attitude about his friends.

"Wahhh..." Hoseok turns back to Taehyung and then back to Jimin and then back to Taehyung again with a laugh, "Wah I don't know who's look better!"

"Jiminie of course!" Jin shouts from where he's still getting ready in the bathroom.

Taehyung shakes his fierce red and perfectly straightened hair back out of his face then dramatically places his sun glasses on his head to hold it back. He then, even more dramatically, makes a face and placed his hands on his hips.

"Sorry Jimin I love you but _of course_ mines looks better, Hobi hyung couldn't keep his hands off me last night as you can see," he jesters to his exposed neck covered in dark bruises.

Jimin giggles loudly as Hoseok curses and hits him.

"See I told you to wear a turtle neck or something! Now everyone is gonna know what we did! And you're just showing them off oh my god I'm never leaving them on you again!"

"Ah you say that now but last night you were begging for it hyung!"

"Shut up! I was not!" Hoseok denies but his ears are tinted red in defiance.

"Aish every time you two come over you start bickering and then make up and end up ruining my couch or bathroom!" Jin shouts, making his way to where they're standing by the front door.

He's eating a banana which he places in front of Jimin who takes a bite without even having to think about it.

"You're still not over that oh my god hyung it's been like weeks now!" Taehyung rolls his eyes at Jin who mocks in a booming voice.

"Of course I'm not over it you couch ruiner! Every time I sit on my couch I think about the cum left on it! I know exactly where it was still even after you got it off!" Jin barks and even though everyone knows he's joking Jimin doesn't want to get caught up in his wrath so he steals his banana and leaves.

Hoseok whines in English, "Omg..." then follows Jimin out the door.

"Come on hyung were gonna be late," Taehyung laughs, throwing an arm over Jin who is still giving him a face.

They make their way outside and to Jin's car. It's already mid day and Jimin's been anticipating all day to leave a go see Jungkook. He even stressed about what to wear and he never does that! He decided on simply wearing Jungkook's hoodie that he never gave back... the same one that Taeyang made a big deal about and the one the boys teased him about when they found it during his keep or lose day.

Jimin had honestly forgotten that Jungkook gave it to him and ever since he's found it he's been sleeping with it.

The boys won't let him live it down.

"Aye Jiminie... I see you're wearing Jungkook's sweater again," Hoseok cat calls from behind him and Jimin feels his face tint while he continues to eat his banana.

"Aw you look cute Jiminie! I wish Hoseok hyung would wear my clothes..." Taehyung adds in a pout as Jin unlocks his car and Jimin tosses his finished banana in a nearby trash.

Hoseok scoffs again while Jimin giggles.

"Thanks Tae, you look really good too! You're hair came out nice," Jimin responds and Taehyung throws a smug face.

"I always look good don't I?"

Hoseok rolls his eyes at his boyfriend while Jimin laughs and Jin huffs.

"Um no sorry only I always look good, because duh I'm worldwide handsome," Jin tosses his imaginary hair over his shoulder and everyone busts out laughing at how ridiculous he looks before getting in the car.

"No but really babe why don't you wear my clothes! That'd look so hot!" Taehyung whines and Hoseok scoffs again.

"Taehyung ah we literally are almost the exact same size, I'd basically be wearing my own clothes."

"Ugh you're no fun!"

"That's not what you said last night..." Hoseok mumbles nonchalantly and Jin fakes choking.

"Hey I'm the one who's supposed to say things like that!" Taehyung complains while Jin pulls out the lot.

"Hey no sexual puns in my car! Only dad jokes!" 

*

   *

Seeing the school again for the first time in probably a month and a few weeks beings back a lot of different feelings in Jimin.

He's happy because he can't lie and say he doesn't miss waking up and having something to do, he's sad because he doesn't have many good memories here, and he's also anxious and overall nervous to see familiar faces.

Luckily he doesn't actually start classes again for a few more days but still, if he runs into someone he knows he wouldn't know what to do. They'd most likely ask him questions like _where have you been_ and he probably wouldn't know how to answer because how do you tell someone you were in the hospital for attempt suicide.

"Come on let's go see Jungkookie kick some ass!" Taehyung exclaims excitedly then prances out the car.

Everyone follows him, also excited but Jimin on the other hand is very nervous. He feels his heart begin to race as he sees other students laughing and smiling and for a second he can't help but to think they're laughing and smiling at him and everyone's looking at him and all too quickly his throats tightens up and he feels himself heaving and he's being surrounded.

"Hey! Hey! Jiminie!"

"Jimin ah calm down, hey it's okay, you're safe... calm down. Please calm down, please," Jin is hugging him and Hoseok is rubbing his back while Taehyung is running back to them and questioning what happened.

"I-I don't k-know if I-I can't do this--"

"Jimin." Jin lifts the younger's face by his hands. "Jimin you can. You want to see Jungkook right?"

Jimin nods instantly.

"Okay then you just have to be calm... okay?"

Jimin lets out a airy breath. "I-I don't know if I can-- I-I'm sorry I'm being so dum--"

"Jimin ah. No you're not!" Hoseok is talking now. "What's the matter? What's going on? You have to talk to us so we can help you okay?" Hoseok questions and Taehyung nods in agreement.

Jimin sighs again and looks down.

"I feel... like everyone is just staring at me."

"You're beautiful what'd you expect--"

"Tae you're no help!"

Jimin feels a laugh bubble up at that and Jin senses it so he laughs too inviting Jimin to do the same.

"I'm sorry... it's stupid," Jimin wipes his wet eyes.

"No it's not Jiminie... you're just nervous and haven't been here in a while so it's understandable okay? You have us though and we won't let anyone say or do anything to you okay?"

Jimin nods. "I know and I thank you guys so much. I'm sorry still though for being annoying..."

"You're not annoying!" Jin cries.

"Yes stop saying that Chim!" Taehyung adds while Hoseok back hugs Jimin.

"Well you can annoy me all day then."

"And you say I'm no help!"

Jimin is giggling again all too soon and once again he feels nothing but warmth. He's so happy to have such great friends that are always there for him.

"Okay let's go!" Jin calls and they finally make their way towards the big training room or inside arena where all the home fights take place.

There's many people waiting and going in and out, ready to see the fights which have already started.

Lots of girls just wanting to see hot sweaty boys, Taehyung seems to be included as he awes over a fighter.

Hoseok slaps the back of his head and they continue making their way through as someone speaks on the over mic, calling out the next fight.

"I don't know if we should find seats first or go find Jungkook and wish him good luck?" Jin says suddenly and everyone shrugs unsure.

"What do you want to do Jimin?" Jin then asks and Jimin blushes at the question.

"I-I don't know? I'm... it doesn't matter I guess... I did want to see Jungkook before his match but--"

"But nothing! Okay it's set lets go find Jungkook!"

"Yay! Off to Jungkookie!" Taehyung claps, box smile presents as Hoseok smiles too and Jin pulls Jimin towards the back rooms where fighters come to warm up, do last minute trainings, or rest if they got hurt. They also lead towards the main training rooms, so if Jungkook isn't in the back rooms he could still be in the Taekwondo room.

There's many fighters going in and out, some giving them questionable glares because they're honestly not supposed to be back here and others smiling happily at an enthusiastic Taehyung wishing every and anybody good luck.

"Hello can I help you guys?" A voice suddenly questions them when they make it to a dead in at the end of the hall.

It's an old, short but sturdy and well built old man that Jin quickly recognizes as the Grandmaster. He bows and everyone else does the same in Jin's lead, Jimin slightly hiding behind Hoseok afterwards, scared that they'd get into big trouble.

"Oh hi Sabeom-nim! I know we're not supposed to be back here when a fight is going on but I'm--"

"Kim Seokjin. I know you, you're Jungkook ah's mentor."

Jin nods at that and offers a big smile. "Yes wow how'd you know?"

The grandmaster chuckles a little. "I'm the one who accepted your recommendation."

"Wahhh! Thank you so much! Everyone before then was declining me and I thought I was going to have to go back to telling people they have diabetes!"

The teacher laughs at Jin's personality while the other boys do the same just a bit more awkwardly for their friend who doesn't care.

"I'm happy I could be a help," the grandmaster leaves out the part about Jin being the first person available to make him feel good -- which he does as he smiles happily.

"A big help! Wah... oh um but yes we wanted to wish Jungkook a good luck and so we came back here to find him but we kind of got lost--"

Jin's voice is cut off by the sound of someone coming through the hallway door leading to the classes.

"Ah JK! We were just looking for you!" Jin exclaims at the sight of Jungkook who's closing the door behind himself.

Jimin's head snaps towards said boy and he feels his heart stop at the sight of Jungkook. He's already dressed fully in his dobok and holding his bag with the rest of his gear. He looks so simply handsome with his bowl cut hair and sharp features that slowly turn upright at the sight of everyone.

"Woah Jungkook you look so cool in your dobok!" Taehyung cheers and Hoseok agrees, Jimin still hiding behind the other.

"Thanks hyung..." Jungkook says and his eyes trail until they finally land on Jimin who's staring at him with his own slightly wide eyes that are full of unsureness. Jimin's chewing hard on his bottom lip and his hands that are being swallowed by Jungkook's sweater are fiddling with each other and he doesn't even know why he's nervous! Maybe it's because Jungkook's eyes are trailing over him, unsure too, and everyone is watching them, waiting.

Eventually Taehyung scoffs playfully and pushes Jimin softly until he's stumbling over to Jungkook who seems to snap out of his daze.

"Say hi Jiminie! Why are you hiding?" Taehyung laughs and Jin giggles at the smaller's adorable antics.

"Hi..." Jimin waves up at Jungkook awkwardly then places his hands back together and averts his eyes. It's only been a week and he's not sure why he's so awkward, he can't help it but Jungkook smiles anyways.

He's truly happy by Jimin's presence but he himself doesn't know how to react neither, especially as his eyes take over Jimin's new hair.

 _It's... orange,_ is the first thing that runs inside his brain and he immediately wants to touch it but all he manages is a, "Jimin hyung."

His voice is calm, questionable and his eyes remind Jimin of a curious child's as they stare wide at Jimin's new hair.

Jimin giggles as he takes in Jungkook's expression which is slowly turning into a quirky smile that has Jimin's face falling.

"D-Do you like it?" Jimin questions unsurely and in the moment no one else matters but Jungkook... _he hopes Jungkook likes it._

Jungkook's eyes don't leave his hair as he nods, a cute bunny smile on his face. "I love it. It's cute."

Jimin smiles brightly and Jungkook's gaze finally falls back to his face and he himself is found smiling widely at the sight of Jimin.

"Ah so this is the Jimin I've heard so much about?"

Their little moment is broken by the sound of the grandmaster's voice.

Jungkook and Jimin both turn to him and he's smiling softly, almost proud as Jimin gazes back to Jungkook wondering what he told the old man.

"Ah yeah... this is Jimin. I've known him since I was a kid," Jungkook says a bit shyly and the grandmaster hums happy to know who Jimin finally is.

"Ah, it's nice to meet the person who's given young master Jungkook here some emotion," the grandmaster smiles happily, bowing to Jimin who freezes up at both his words and actions.

He glances at Jungkook once again unsure on what to do or say but Jungkook is blushing and not looking at him while his friends are giggling at his cuteness.

Jimin bows back, many times. "W-Wow thank you, um I-I didn't know I was that person... t-thank you for training Jungkookie."

Jimin doesn't know what to say and is stumbling over his words but the grandmaster smiles anyways.

"My pleasure! Okay Jungkook ah the girls division is set, they're on their last of the female featherweights and so the male featherweights are up next after male flyweights so be out soon."

Jungkook nods still looking away shyly and it makes Jimin's insides curl at how cute he's being.

"Jungkook ah! Are you ready to kick some ass!?"

Jungkook chuckles as Taehyung messes his hair then playfully punches his chest.

"I guess?" Jungkook shrugs, glances briefly at Jimin who was already staring before averting his eyes.

"You guess?!-- Oh! They're calling for the final girls! Aish! Good luck Jungkook ah! I'd stay till you go out but I kinda wanna see some girls cat fight!" Taehyung explains sheepishly, throwing them all a flying kiss before running abruptly back to the main arena.

"Wah! And leave me, _your boyfriend,_ for some girls!?" Hoseok shouts and Taehyung just screams back a half hearted sorry.

Hoseok shakes his head exasperated, while Jin laughs loudly at him.

"Haha that's what you get for dating a couch ruiner," Jin teases and Jungkook snorts while Hoseok rolls his eyes.

"What a boyfriend he is," Hoseok mumbles sarcastically, before going to hug Jungkook. "Good luck on the fight Jungkook ah! I'm going to go find some seats--"

"Liar you're just going to go watch Taehyung," Jin exposes and Hoseok blushes.

"Yeah and you're coming with me!" He surprisingly admits and pulls a protesting Jin by the arm and away.

"Oh I should go to--"

Jimin is looking up at Jungkook sheepishly as he goes to follow behind them but Jungkook grabs him gently by the arm.

"Jimin hyung wait..." Jungkook calls, pulling Jimin back by his sweater paw.

Jimin looks up at him with owlish eyes. His heart is racing and he doesn't know what to say or what to expect, he doesn't even think about their week apart and the bad things he thought as he stares up into Jungkook's own sheepish, once unreadable, dark eyes.

"I... um I," Jimin has never seen Jungkook so shy and unsure before as he looks away from him, not knowing how to start.

He finally looks down at Jimin, a deep blush above his cheeks as he begins, "I wanted to apologize for being so busy this last week--"

Jimin immediately waves it off. "Ah no it's fine Jungkookie you don't have to apologize--"

"Yes I do," Jungkook insists cutting Jimin's soft voice off. He's looking deep into Jimin's eyes and the other can't help but to swallow, hoping Jungkook will just kiss him to make up for it.

He doesn't sadly and once again looks away, his ears tinted red also. "I... I really didn't _want_ to be apart from you and I just want you to know that yes it was my choice but only because when I'm in fight mode you know how I get... right?"

Jimin nods, offering an understanding smile. "Yeah I know..."

"I didn't want to worry you so I just decided to stay away and maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to do because you were probably worried even more--"

"I was..." Jimin admits softly and Jungkook frowns.

"I'm sorry... I just... I'm not use to this you know? Ever since we got separated I've only ever been about Taekwondo so opening up is hard for me--"

"I know..."

Jungkook halts at Jimin's words. _Of course he knows._

The shorter is still smiling, eyes on his own and expression genuine.

"You do don't you? I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal about this then," Jungkook laughs, hand still holding onto Jimin's covered one.

Jimin smiles shyly, and a bit sad as he looks down. "It's okay, when Jin hyung told me you weren't gonna see me for a while I thought it was my fault but then he said something about you to talked to your parents and I realized that it wasn't... pleasing them has always been really important to you."

Jungkook frowns at that, dropping his bag so he could grab both Jimin's hands in his.

"Do you really think that? Me pleasing them is more important than seeing you--"

Jimin shakes his head, not meeting Jungkook's eyes. "I didn't say that--"

"Jimin I know you. You were thinking it."

Jimin doesn't disagree and Jungkook sighs. "Nothing will be more important than you to me Jimin. I would give up Taekwondo any day for you--"

Jimin gasps, shaking his head displeased and suddenly filled with unwanted emotion. "W-Why? Jungkook don't say stuff like that, you have so much going for yourself--"

"Jimin. I love you okay? I thought a lot about you and me and us over the last few days I've been away from you, especially yesterday and I realized whatever I have going for me, I want to include you with it and if I had to I would give it all up as long as you loved me the same--"

Jimin's eyes are wide, "Of course I do Jungkookie! I-I just don't see why you would give up something like this for me--"

"Because Taekwondo is _nothing_ compared to you Jimin. What I'm doing is just something that needs passion in my opinion and sure I love it too and it's meaningful to me but it's not forever and it definitely won't mean anything if I have no purpose for it. You are forever to me, my love for you is forever Jimin and you're my purpose."

Jungkook doesn't know why he suddenly feels the need to tell Jimin what he's been thinking but he does and it feels like a relief, even though his cheeks are hot and his heart is racing.

Jimin feels the tears wanting to pour. He's already as red as Taehyung's hair at Jungkook's sudden words and he doesn't know how to respond, he wants to hear more but then he's so embarrassed he doesn't want to hear anything else. He overall doesn't understand.

"Jungkookie..."

"Please just listen. You're everything to me, you've always been and it's always been hard for me to tell you or express it to you at that matter. I was scared I was going to hurt you so I told Jin that I needed space. I get really irritated and angsty during tournaments now especially when my parents keep calling me and threatening that I do good. I didn't want to take my anger out on you but this whole time being apart from you all I felt was sadness. I wanted to come see you and I missed you so much..."

Jimin smiles unconsciously, chest warming as he finally blinks up at Jungkook. "I missed you too..."

Jungkook smiles back, continuing. "But I simply didn't want to worry you. I just want you to understand that."

Jimin gives a soft smile and nods. "I understand... you're everything to me too... I think you already knew that though."

Jungkook gives a bunny tooth smile at Jimin's shy words then pulls the other into his chest.

"You look so cute with your orange hair hyung," Jungkook says suddenly and Jimin flushes, whining a little in protest.

"Especially in my sweater," Jungkook adds lowly against his ear and Jimin looks up to meet his dark gaze.

They're so close, Jimin can feel Jungkook's breath against his cheek and he wants to build the courage to kiss the taller but he's frozen and his heart is stuck in his chest and all he can do is stare, wait for Jungkook to make the move...

Jungkook doesn't, and not because he doesn't want to but because someone else is coming through the hall door and Jimin is pulling away abruptly.

Jungkook's face falls into a cold one as he takes in sight of the one and only, Minho.

The tall male smirks at the sight of the two and Jimin takes a moment before recognizing him. _He's Taeyang's bestest friend._

Jimin remembers the man laughing when Taeyang was abusing him and he suddenly wants to run away. He can already feel the dread of what he's about to say as he chuckles, laugh reminding Jimin instantly of Taeyang's hands around his throat.

He feels his throat close up as Minho smiles between him and Jungkook, who's still holding one of his hands.

"Well well well... what do we have here?"

Jungkook glares at Minho who simply smiles wickedly while Jimin holds onto Jungkook's hand tighter.

"What the hell do you want?" Jungkook questions, voice held with no sign of friendliness.

Minho makes a face. "What I can't talk to my best friend's _bitch?"_

Jimin's face immediately falls at his words while Jungkook angers instantly, moving towards Minho.

Jimin surprisingly is the one to pull him back.

"Hey! Jungkook! Hey, I-It's okay--"

"No it's not okay! He has no reason to be a dick and needs to learn to shut the hell up before he ends up just like his little friend--"

"Woah Jeon gonna get yourself eliminated before we even get on the mat?" Minho chuckles, not even caring for or about the fact he knows Jungkook will probably most likely kick his ass.

"What do you mean? You're participating?" Jungkook questions with a frown, all while Jimin's soft hold and caressing of his arm calms him down.

Minho smirks, sharp eyes falling to Jimin's hold on him.

"Of course, why wouldn't I? I've been practicing a lot, _with the grandmaster,_ just so I can go. So I guess we'll be fighting against each other after all because you know there can't be two featherweights from the same nation."

Jungkook's frown deepens and he wonders why the grandmaster didn't tell him he'd have to fight his own teammate, especially Minho at that.

He's not worried about it, since he's won against Minho before, but still... Minho's sly smirk irritates him and he was expecting a little more competition than this.

 _At least him kicking Minho's ass will be broadcasted,_ he thinks.

Jungkook sighs, turning back to Jimin.

"Come on, I'll walk you to the bleachers--"

"Going so soon? _Aish_ I was gonna say you two are no fun for that but I forgot that my friends little bitch is a whore as well or so said the hotter, _better_ ballet girl Taeyang was cheating on you with--"

Though Jimin is hurt by Minho's words, he tries not to let them get to him, he doesn't want to give the other the satisfaction of knowing his words stung Jimin right in his chest and crushed him. Yet that's what Minho meant for them to do, he meant for them to hurt Jimin and slowly the words settle in even if Jimin doesn't want them to.

He hears _every word_ clearly.

_Hotter,_ **_better._ **

He's stuck in a trance of hurt and brokenness that he can't even stop Jungkook this time as he turns around at lightning speed and goes to hit Minho -- _luckily, the grandmaster,_ is the one to break it up.

" _Hey!"_ He calls, voice stern as he holds Jungkook's fist with a rarely shown force.

" _What_? Is going on?" He demands an answer and Jimin is shaking, he doesn't know what to say as he watches Minho smile knowingly and Jungkook fume so hard he can imagine the smoke.

"Nothing of course sabeomnim, Jungkook ah just decided he wanted to spar me one last time before we got on the mat isn't that right _Jungkookie?"_

Jungkook glares hard at him and doesn't say a word as he releases his fist from the grandmaster's hold, turning away and attempting to calm down.

The grandmaster whispers to Minho to quit it and go practice for the time being else where while Jimin pushes away his own hurt to check on Jungkook.

The taller looks down and meets his worried eyes with calmer ones as Jimin reaches for his hand again.

"You okay?" Jimin asks softly and Jungkook shakes his head.

"I should be asking you that..." Jungkook sighs, head thrown back. "Jimin hyung don't listen to anything he said, I know you, you know you and that's all that matters okay? His opinion and stupidity means nothing. Fuck I can't wait to kick his ass--"

"Jungkook ah you need to calm down--"

The grandmasters words are cut off sharply.

"I am calm."

"No you're not, see this is why I didn't want to tell you that you'd have to fight against him today--"

"Why wouldn't you tell me that?" Jungkook questions in a snap, turning to the older.

The grandmaster raises a brow. "Well first off if Minho has managed to work you up from your calm collectiveness that you usually are always present with then I'm actually scared how others will make you feel."

Jungkook sighs again. "He's just so--"

"Annoying. Irritating. _Annoying_ , I'm aware. I know."

Jimin laughs a little at the teacher's words and he smiles.

"You can't let him get to you Jungkook, you are both my students and I just want to see the best from both of you. I hadn't either expected him to be serious about wanting to compete but this morning he told me he was and you know the competitions rules, I can only send one fighter per weight limit and though you were the first one who raised there hand I didn't want to be biased because you are both my students."

Jungkook nods. "I understand, but now I'd have to fight against two people today right?"

The grandmaster nods once, "Yes, I believe so and though I don't feel like I have to remind you, remember what I've been telling you guys, especially you. Remember what drives you. You have purpose to win, Minho I'm not so sure so I'm not worried about him. The other guy, Shin Manhe, I've seen his fights he's very well skilled in kicking techniques, watch out for that and deflect them with defenses I've taught you or you are confident in. Good luck young master, I'll see you out there."

Jungkook nods again as a goodbye. He seen a few videos this morning after talking to his mother who was surprisingly giving him somewhat encouraging words.

_"This is serious now Jungkook. This isn't a game anymore and you're going to be broadcasted around. I wouldn't want to lose if I were you, that be quite embarrassing wouldn't it?"_

_"_ _Depends_ _..."_ Jungkook had responded idly and his mom sighed.

_"Though you're at a new school and you've learn so much I hope, don't forget your father's lessons and remember... keep your composure. Don't let them see."_

Jungkook had already fucked up on keeping his composure and he's angry with himself for it. He breathes deeply trying to release it.

He's not worried, the guy is good but Jungkook isn't worried. He hasn't even lost a spar against anyone, even the highest ranked boys, in his class yet so if not worried you can definitely say he's a bit nervous if anything.

He lets out a breathe turning to Jimin whose studying him with worried eyes.

"Are you nervous?" He questions softly and Jungkook shrugs, offering a small smile.

"I'm not gonna lie, a little... but that doesn't matter it's normal right? You're a dancer you know how it gets..."

Jimin shrugs his own a little. "Yeah I-I know... but then I don't know, I-I guess it feels different because you could possibly get hurt."

Jimin isn't meeting his eyes and Jungkook frowns, tapping his chin underneath so he'd look up.

"You shouldn't worry about that," Jungkook's hard stare makes Jimin weak at the knees and it's almost as if he could feel a tremble go through him. "Just think positive and instead worry about me trying to not go to jail if anything--"

Jimin giggles, slapping Jungkook lightly.

"Don't say that Jungkookie..."

Jungkook laughs himself, taking in Jimin's pretty, shy smile and sparkling eyes. He feels himself drawn to them.

"You're so beautiful."

Jimin's face flushed instantly and he looks down. "D-Don't say that either--"

"What? You are hyung... so pretty. _So_ beautiful..."

Jimin peeks up, a small smile on his face as he gets the courage to lean up and peck Jungkook's cheek.

"You're so handsome Jungkookie... especially in your dobok..." Jimin nods shyly and Jungkook's smile is bright.

"Is that all I get hyung? A kiss on the cheek?"

Jimin glances down, thinking, before looking back and giving a playful expression.

"You have to win to get more."

Jungkook laughs and the sound instantly makes Jimin forget all the hurt he was previously feeling.

"Okay deal," Jungkook says simply, though on the inside he feels even more pushed to win.

Jimin can hear the underlying confidence in his voice and it makes him feel flustered. He can't meet Jungkook's eyes because his cheeks are burning and he doesn't want to look up, he's glad he doesn't because something catches his eye.

He reaches for the bracelet peeking out of Jungkook's dobok pocket with small hands.

"You kept it..." Jimin mumbles softly, suddenly wet eyes admiring the old small bracelet he made for Jungkook on his birthday years ago.

_"Happy birthday Jungkookie. Do... do you like it?" A chubby cheeked Jimin had asked Jungkook after placing the colorful bracelet on him._

_Jungkook had smiles brightly, feeling all the sentiment through the tiny gift wrapped around his wrist. It had more meaning than all the gifts of sports balls or sports equipment his parents always insisted on getting him when he begged for game consoles or a simple teddy bear._

_He couldn't control himself and the next thing he knew was that he was embracing Jimin in a hug and kissing his cheek._

_"I love it hyung! ... I love you."_

Jungkook feels his own cheeks reddening at the memory of Jimin giving him the gift which he still kept even now, not finding it in him to throw it away when he promised to forget Jimin.

"Yeah... it was the only thing I had to remember you even when I told myself I'd forget you. I don't know why I couldn't throw it away... I guess I truly didn't want to forget you. It reminded me of your hugs, I'd squeeze it nervously before competitions and imagine that it was you hugging me... easing me."

Jimin feels his eyes well up to the point were he can't even see clearly; he finds himself hugging Jungkook tightly.

"You don't have to imagine anymore Jungkookie... you don't have to forget."

"I never did."

**an.**

**I know it's been a while! I've been busy :( with school and personal things. I've had no push to write lately and though i wouldn't say I'm depressed (I've been very happy lately) my body is like dead xD I don't know how to explain it but my body isn't motivated and school has worn me out to the point where I just don't feel like doing anything. It's really unhealthy and I've been pushing myself to do things, something no one should have to do. And it's been working, I think of all the positive outcomes of doing things and it works. So try and push yourself when you're in a lazy rut lmao. Also I cut this chapter in half because it got too long! Luckily there was a good spot in it to end it! The next chapter will be... actually I don't wanna ruin it lol but hopefully the ending of this chapter keeps y'all content and makes ya feel a lil gushy on the inside until I post the other half SOON I PROMISE! I'm almost done with it actually :)**

**Also if you like hybrid fics check out my other jikook work :) SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES, y'all know my ass the queen of not proofreading xD**


	25. Chapter 25

"Oooo, I know that kid. Poor Yunhyeong... At least he tried," Taehyung winced.

"Ouch... that looked like it hurt though and these are just flyweights," he added as Hoseok pressed his face in between his shoulder and neck.

"I don't want to see anymore. No one from our school has won so far."

Jin laughs, mumbling that Jungkook will win before chewing on his popcorn while Jimin who was now besides him, bit his fingernails nervously as he watched the last match of fly weights.

"I've learned so far that I'd definitely lose to both flyweights _and girls- JIMIN!_ You should've seen how brutal they were!" Taehyung exclaimed, turning to Jimin who giggles an "I bet".

Jin nods. "Yes one girl kicked the other girl so hard that her toenail scratched the girl's cheek."

Jimin makes a face at that, happy that he wasn't out to see something like that, then goes back to anxiously waiting.

"I'm nervous..." he admits and Jin pats his knee, squeezing it once and comforting.

"Don't be, Jungkook's got this okay Jimin?"

"Yeah but he's fighting twice..."

"Twice?!" Everyone questions surprised and Jimin nods.

"Yes i-it's a long story but to make things quick, two people in the same weight category can't be qualified from the same league or something I guess?" Jimin shrugs and Jin _oh'_ s from beside him.

"Ah yes! Only 8 people can be qualified from one nation so they have to slim down the choices by making those from the same league that want to qualify compete against each other. So that it'd be fair ya know?"

"Ooooh..." Hoseok and Taehyung hum in understanding while Jimin nods at Jin's better explanation.

"Next in the division we have the featherweights! To select one competitor of Seoul Arts against Jeonju University we will have a required match against two Seoul Arts' competitors wanting to compete!" The referee explained in the microphone while Minho and Jungkook came out one by one, camera mans following them onto the mat.

Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jin obnoxiously cheered for Jungkook while Jimin clapped happily, shying away when the cameras pointing in their directions.

The other students that filled the indoor bleachers cheered as well; most were other fighters (that have already competed and are now just resting), or college boys looking to see a good fight. Others were small groups of girls clearly fangirling over either Minho or Jungkook.

 _Most likely Jungkook,_ Jimin thought to himself as he watched the girls coo to each other and point as _his Jungkookie_ came out.

Jimin sighs to himself. Jungkook isn't an object or _his._ They're just friends... that kiss _and_ _though_ Jimin's pretty sure Jungkook likes him and obviously vice versa, how would they make it official? Wouldn't that make things awkward?

Does he even want to make it official? Things are pretty good right now. Will making it official ruin things? Is Jimin even ready to get into a relationship so soon?

Jimin's not sure but he knows seeing other girls go crazy over Jungkook bothers him, only because he knows they're not official and one of those girls could possibly make a move if they wanted to.

Jimin frowns to himself, missing the glance Jungkook throws his way until Jin nudges him.

"Aw Jiminie what's wrong? Jungkook ah just smiled our way and you missed it."

Jimin looks up to hopefully catch what's left of it but Jungkook's already looking away, face stern as the ref goes over the rules and the commenters/analysts talk in the back.

"Song Minho, first year fourth dan against Jeon Jungkook, first year third dan!"

" _Third dan?! And he wants to compete at Nationals?!"_

 _"Wow what a surprise!_ I've seen him fight before and I expected him to be in a higher ranking than that."

"Let's hope this Song guy doesn't completely dust him then," one commentator laughs into the mic causing Minho to smirk happily, and point confidently into the camera.

"He must have not seen JK fight then I'm guessing," Jin says calmly, eating his popcorn still while Taehyung besides him scoffs.

"Definitely not! I bet Jungkook could easily drop him! I bet I could too actually!"

Hoseok laughs patting an angry Taehyung while Jimin eyes Jungkook.

He doesn't seem bothered, face still blank as he cracks his neck then places on his head gear.

Jimin knows this look, he's in fight mode and Jimin knows when he gets like this it's hard to effect him, especially with words. It reminds Jimin of times Jungkook would find him all bruised up and demand for Jimin to tell him which bullies did it to him. Jimin would tell him that everything was fine but Jungkook would find out who it was in the end anyways. He's always been determined.

The ref eventually yells out start and Jimin's quickly going back to chewing on his nails as he watches the two round the mat, waiting for one or the other to start.

Jimin sees the grandmaster standing at the end of the mat, watching his students with crossed arms and a strong gaze. He doesn't seem worried at all -- just a little expectant, like he has a feeling of what's going to happen.

Jungkook is the first to move in, already tired of them hopping on their feet around each other. He just wants to beat Minho's ass and get this over with.

Minho's confident expression quickly changed into a surprised and worried one when he takes in Jungkook's serious expression; he's mad -- extremely angry and the hate is evident -- and Minho realizes then and there that he has nothing against Jungkook's anger or better yet, skill.

He's been knew of it, yet he obviously didn't want to give Jungkook or anyone the knowledge of knowing as well -- though, those in his class already probably knew seeing as they watched Jungkook drop Minho more than once.

He had planned to redeem himself of his shame and his title of being the best fighter in the class by training to the extreme these last few weeks. He knows Jungkook has been doing the same though and therefore along with his training he's been coming up with... other ideas.

Jungkook goes in with a swift kick which Minho dodges, stumbling back a little. Jungkook tilts his head, a habit of his, then backs up, waiting for Minho to try something.

"What is he doing? Is he scared?"

"What is he waiting for?" Another commentator mocks and Jungkook has the same questions going on in his head.

He doesn't let them get to him though; he doesn't let them pump his head as he remembers, his parents are watching and he needs to stay on his guard.

"He's scared! Why is everyone always scared of Jungkook ah?" Taehyung laughs from the crowd.

"Hey I'd be scared too! Jungkook-ssi has a mighty kick! Hoseok exclaims as they continue watching the match.

Minho seemingly grows annoyed with the analysts and everyone in the crowd chuckling at him. Jimin notices as he frowns and looks around at everyone before going in.

Jungkook allows him to get close and when Minho goes for a kick he easily blocks it with his own foot.

Minho learned from his mistake last time and catches himself. Therefore he's alert when Jungkook goes in for another kick.

As Jungkook's speedy kick comes in at him with full speed Minho reflectively uses his palm to block -- or rather -- grab it.

In Taekwondo you're are not supposed to grab, it's an immediate foul, yet Minho does it quickly so no one can see.

Obviously Jungkook knows when he's being grabbed yet he doesn't want to make a big deal about the foul play -- even though he's now burning with anger -- and stop the match so he allows the other to grab the hill of his foot and push him back.

Minho, hoping that Jungkook would stumble back, goes in with a powerful kick to drop the other yet Jungkook, who does stumble, making the crowd (especially Jimin who's covering his mouth with worry) gasp and judges cackle 'knowingly', knows how catch himself easily -- he knows how to fight with one that uses foul play (of course his father would teach him such a thing) and he quickly ducks as Minho's leg goes over him and he brings his own powerful kick to Minho's back neck, effectively making him fall.

Minho's holding his neck, shocked at the fact that he's on the ground and before Jungkook angrily goes in again the ref is stopping the fight.

The commentators are shooked and everyone in the crowd is cheering for Jungkook who is still steaming, now more angry at himself for getting so angry and losing his composure at such a small thing -- in his defense at least. He knows his parents are watching him right now and he definitely knows his father had caught what Minho did and will probably make a big deal about it later. Just thinking about that makes him sigh.

He unhooks his headgear and pulls it off as cameras come his way and others point towards Minho who is not meeting them as the ref exposes his foul play and elimination.

"Based on Song Minho's use of foul play, by default, Jeon Jungkook is the winner!" The ref holds up Jungkook's arm and the crowd goes crazy.

"I had a feeling he'd win after all!" One of the analysts exclaims and Jungkook tries to refrain from rolling his eyes.

"Yeah by default," the other snickers and Jungkook really wants to kick him in the ear so he can remember the ringing of his words when Jungkook wins.

"That commentator is such a dick! I wanna punch him!" Hoseok is the one to complain, while everyone watches Jungkook decline interviews and go back to the prep rooms.

His blood is boiling and he could really use another one of Jimin's hugs right now as he sighs and places down his headgear on one of the tables and throws off his hand gear. He can hear what sounds like people -- his classmates, that are watching him on the tv back here -- congratulating him and he smiles at them but it doesn't reach, of course it doesn't, not when the sound of his phone ringing in his bag is so present.

He knows who's calling, he can already imagine his father's anger through the phone as he screams and demands to know why Jungkook let Minho use foul play on him so easily.

_How couldn't you sense that?!_

Jungkook doesn't want to hear it and instead drinks some water as other classmates, who he never even talks to, pat his back in congratulations.

He appreciates it, really he does and as a currently scolding grandmaster and a sulking Minho walk in he doesn't even remember why he's so mad.

Minho just embarrassed himself and Jungkook doesn't even feel the need to laugh in the others face. It's not in him to be so petty and he doesn't even meet Minho's eye because he knows he's better. He doesn't have to bring someone else down to know that.

Putting his gear on and hearing the last of encouragement from his classmates, he makes his way back out for the next match, walking confidently and blocking out the stupid analysts words -- _he's definitely not going to win against this guy, Shin Manhe, I've seen him fight, he has great leg work plus all the other kids from this team lost against his anyways --_ as he steps on the mat.

Before turning to his opponent he meets Jimin's eyes finally and Jimin throws him a bright smile and cute thumbs up. Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jin all obnoxiously and _teasingly_ do the same besides him.

"Fuck his leg work! Kick his ass Kookie!" Is the last thing he hears from Taehyung, and he snorts before making eye contact with the grandmaster and sharing a nod.

Soon the ref starts the match and his opponent, Shin Manhe a fourth dan, first year, who's quite built and seems very confident as he smiles slyly and doesn't think twice before going in with a kick.

He has fans, other competitors that won again Jungkook's classmates, cheering for him but Jungkook could care less that they think their classmate will easily beat him because for one, Jungkook isn't his classmates and two, everyone else from his school is also pushing him on in return and he's never felt so... loved (?) from anyone other than Jimin, who is also cheering shyly from the crowd.

It pumps him up, along with what happened from the last fight, yet he stays calm and doesn't let the pride get to him as he sanely remembers the grandmaster's words of his opponent using his feet and kick techniques a lot and a Jungkook knows when one is more foot prone they often forget about their hands and blocking their chest. Therefore as he blocks a kick, instead of going back in with his own like the boy is expecting him to he hits him hard in his chest making him lose his breathe and allowing Jungkook to swiftly and powerfully kick him in his hip and make him fall.

The ref quickly calls out Jungkook as the winner for round one, making his school mates and friends exclaim wildly all while surprising the commentators along with all winners from the other team -- once again.

The annoying commentators don't say anything this time and instead _wow_ to each other, completely shook by Jungkook's skill.

Jungkook makes eye contact with his teacher before the second match starts and the old man gives a thumbs up. He offers a small, _confident,_ twitch of his lips before putting his game face on again and starting the second match.

His opponent seems annoyed that he lost the first match that easily and goes in with more forceful kicks, now using his hands too.

Jungkook swiftly dodges and blocks them, remaining calm even as this just angers the boy more.

He's very vocal as he kicks, continuously screaming out ' _yah'_ and Jungkook dodges every one, hearing Taehyung from the crowd mock him causing Jungkook to chuckle to himself and others including the commentators, do the the same.

Jimin giggles too but immediately stops when Jungkook's opponent angrily makes contact with his chest.

Jimin gasps, feeling his heart stop as a surprised Jungkook seemingly is about to go down from the force.

Jungkook is stunned, his own breathe lost as he feels himself stumbling down. Before he's even close to hitting the ground though, with force his foot hits the boy's arm and pounds him down to the ground before himself.

He's clearly caught of guard by Jungkook's quick move and the ref declaring Jungkook as the winner before placing a medal around his neck.

Everyone is cheering for Jungkook, including the fake commentators that are now praising him for his quick reflexes and skills. Jungkook doesn't hear or see any of it though -- their words, the cheering, the upset glares from the other school's competitors.

All he sees is Jimin and that tiny proud smile upon glowing, full of life, cheeks and shining eyes under a head full of shiny tangerine hair as he smiles back, not even noticing the camera zooming in on him until the interviewer starts speaking.

"Jeon Jungkook you just won the first match to compete in the games next year, how are you feeling? Are you excited to compete against the next district and school's competitor?" The man asks him and he takes his gear off to talk.

He nods. "I feel good. Not necessarily excited but I'm ready."

The interviewer seems contempt with his brief answer and lets out a breath. "I'm not going to lie I was a bit worried to talk to you because you seem very cold but just now you were smiling! Are you proud of yourself?"

Jungkook manages to chuckle awkwardly though he's quickly growing annoyed because since when can't humans _smile?_

Before he can respond the interviewer adds in, "Or were you just smiling at one of those pretty ladies in the crowd over there?" He smirks and holds the microphone close to Jungkook while the girls cheer and Jimin's face falls.

He wants to scream out to everyone that it was him Jungkook was looking at so that they'd simply just _know._ He hates this sudden feeling of jealousy because he knows that obviously Jungkook will have fans, obviously... it's just many of the girls cooing over Jungkook are so pretty and Jimin feels weird to know that it's him out of all these pretty girls that Jungkook is looking at.

He can't help this feeling, and he shouldn't be jealous he knows! Because it's _him,_ Jungkook is looking at. It's _him_ that Jungkook _wants_ and he tries to remember that, he really does.

Jin rubs his back knowingly and Taehyung jokes that the girls sound about as thirsty as he does.

Jimin tries to smile at that but it's sad and Jungkook who glances his way and sees dismisses the entire question.

"Definitely not," Jungkook responds easily, shaking his sweaty hair out of his suddenly hard face, no longer wanting to do the interview.

The interviewer doesn't take the hint though. "What! You don't want to go on a celebration date with one of those pretty ladies!?"

"I'd rather train." _Choke,_ is what Jungkook wants to say and he rather go  on a celebration date with Jimin than do this interview.

The interviewer tsks. "Ahhh a true fighter! He's so dedicated that he has no time for a love life!"

Jimin can't help but frown at that and something, that evil voice in him that he's been doing so well at blocking out, agrees and forces itself out.

_Jungkook doesn't have time for you, that's why he ignored you for a whole week._

Jimin tries not to let the thought get to him because Jungkook and him already talked about it, they... already discussed the fact that Jungkook didn't _want_ to ignore a Jimin, he just... _had_ to.

Nonetheless Jimin is still saddened at that.

"Yeah I don't have time for this interview either," Jungkook suddenly says and the interviewer is taken off guard along with everyone listening, including Jimin especially.

"Oh? Oka--"

Jungkook doesn't wait for him to end it and instead bows once then takes his headgear and medal and turns to leave. He comes back quickly with his medal around his neck, water bottle in his hand, bag around his shoulder, and dobok still on just sporting slippers. Everyone watches him as he bows longer, politely, and thankfully to the grandmaster, who bows back in return, staring at him curiously and amused. Jungkook then makes his way to the bleachers and tosses his head to the side, motioning for Jimin and everyone else to come down.

Jimin stares at Jungkook with wide doe eyes, but quickly, and clumsily (which makes Jungkook chuckle) makes his way down, along with a giddy Taehyung, a thankful (that the fighting is over) Hoseok, and a hungry Jin.

When they're finally down Jungkook immediately wraps his arm around Jimin's shoulder, pulling him close, and Jimin blushes, feeling the gaze of everyone watching them (most girls envious, some guys confused) and his friends giggling and cooing at them as they leave.

Jimin thinks maybe he doesn't have to be jealous after all? Because it's pretty clear... Jungkook wants _him._

_*_   
_*_   
_*_   
_*_   
_*_

"Jungkook ah you did great!"

 _"_ YEAH! _THE WAY YOU KICKED HIM IN THE END!_ I **SWEAR** I FELT IT!" Taehyung, who's currently fanboying, exclaims next to Jungkook as as they make their way to Jin's car.

"Me too, I was pained just seeing the impact," Hoseok adds and everyone laughs, especially Taehyung, who pulls his boyfriend against him and ruffles his hair.

"Yeah Hobi hyung couldn't even watch, he hates fighting and only came to support you."

Jungkook feels warm at that and in this moment he thinks he's finally surrounded by people that truly want him to be happy and don't just care about if he's successful or not.

"See we where thinking about taking you out to eat to celebrate but the way my bank account is set up..." Jin winces just thinking about it and Jungkook laughs, body vibrating against Jimin's in the backseat of Jin's car.

"Yeah we're all broke Jungkookie," Hoseok adds from the front passenger seat and Taehyung who's in the back besides Jimin, who's in the middle, fake cries and hugs the smaller.

"I HATE BEING BROKE! JIMINIE WE HAVE TO GET JOBS!"

Jimin giggles but agrees with Taehyung because he can't just keep living off of Jin even if the older doesn't mind.

"It's okay guys--"

"No it's not! You just won your first competition towards the summer games and me being the great hyung I am I thought of ways to celebrate and initially planned on reserving a dinner for all of us at a barbecue place but BOY where they asking for way too much! So instead! I just bought my own meat and we'll have dinner and movies at my place!" Jin exclaims happily.

"That's cool, thanks hyung," Jungkook says genuinely and he thinks he doesn't really minds as his eyes fall down to Jimin who's beside him.

Jimin catches his gaze and blushed immediately, letting his hair fall over his eyes.

Jungkook smiles, a big bunny tooth smile that has Taehyung cooing and saying how he's jealous -- which causes Hoseok to whine and hit him from the front seat.

Jungkook on the other hand thinks to himself as long as Jimin's there anything is fine and with that he turns off his phone.

He doesn't want to hear anyone but his friends and Jimin.

_Especially Jimin._

_*_

_*_

_*_

"HYUNG! IF YOU DON'T CALL HIM I WILL!"

Currently Taehyung is reaching for Jin's phone. The older has been contemplating on calling Namjoon for about 10 minutes now after Jimin _innocently_ suggested that he should invite him and Yoongi over for dinner.

Hoseok and Taehyung immediately had agreed in his defense while Jungkook was a bit confused as to who they were and unknowing that he actually spoke to Yoongi at Jimin's performance.

Of course no one else knew about that and Jungkook hadn't gotten Yoongi nor Namjoon's name so therefore he has no idea who they are.

Taehyung explains to him that they're really cool though and Jimin agrees, fondly almost which kind of puts a tinge of jealousy in Jungkook yet he guesses he doesn't mind, once Hoseok says one of them, Namjoon, had chemistry with Jin and the other, Yoongi, was kind of like him and they'd probably get along well.

"Okay okay! I'll call him!" Jin goes to press the button, glancing up at them with an anxious smile, then back at his phone before hesitating and shaking his head.

"No I can't do it!" He cries and Taehyung scoffs and presses the button quickly.

Jin eyes widens as it rings and he goes to playfully punch Taehyung who's already laughing and backing up, effectively missing the swat coming towards his arm as he giggles.

"Um hello?" Namjoon's voice is heard from the other line after only the second ring and everyone goes silent. Taehyung who's still trying not to laugh covers his face while Jimin who's sitting besides an already showered and now relaxing Jungkook, goes tense with anxiety for his friend.

"Y-Yes hello. It's me Jin! You remember? Jimin's hyung? We met at the hospital and exchanged numbers and I'm sorry I haven't gotten a chance to call sooner but--"

"Jin. It's okay," Namjoon laughs through the phone and it's so cute Jimin can't help but coo internally for his hyung that is now blushing and avoiding everyone's eyes after his ranting. " _Of course,_ I remember you. How could I not?"

"Oh," Jin says numbly but then he thinks about what the younger man said and truly surprised he exclaims, his cheeks hot, "Oh! You do? I thought you would've forgotten about me since I took so long to call..."

Hoseok who's sitting on the floor besides Taehyung, purses his lips with teasing eyes and he and Taehyung mock Jin on the phone.

Jin ignores them as Namjoon responds.

"Well it'd be pretty hard to forget someone as handsome as you. I would've called you sooner too but I was scared you gave me a fake number or something and I didn't want to be heartbroken."

Taehyung and Hoseok began fake gagging which makes Jimin and even Jungkook snicker.

Jin who was previously smiling uncontrollably hard, gasps. "I could never! In fact I was calling to see if you wanted to come over for dinner. Our friend Jungkook just won his taekwondo match and now we're celebrating at my place and plan to have dinner and drinks and a movie night, I was wondering if you'd like to come? Bring Yoongi too if he's up for it?"

"Ah... That sounds really nice, Taehyung and Hoseok have told hyung and I about Jungkook, apparently he's a really great fighter I heard?"

Jungkook feels his chest soar with pride at knowing his _friends (_ the thought of saying friends still feels a bit foreign but he loves the idea and he'll admit it if he was asked) have spoken so greatly of him and he throws them thankful smiles which they give back, Hoseok even hopping on the couch besides him and comfortably ruffling his hair while cooing, teasingly.

Jungkook just laughs and lets him while Jimin takes the moment to soak Jungkook being interactive and _allowing_ for once and hopefully forever.

It's a weird site really... Jungkook being so social.

In the past Jungkook wouldn't talk to anyone but Jimin. He wouldn't even try to make friends with anyone and he didn't even want to. At first he hadn't even wanted to be friends with Jimin! Jimin _literally_ forced himself into Jungkook's space as a child and eventually Jungkook just got used to it and allowed it, kind of like he's doing with Jimin's friends.

He knew if he wanted to be around Jimin that he'd have to make friends with Jimin's friends and at first he wasn't so fond of the idea (and rather wanted Jimin all to himself) yet overtime Jimin's friends have developed into his own and though the start was rough with clingy Taehyung, that often bugged him and suspicious Hoseok, they've managed to get along well for the sake of Jimin.

And Jungkook wouldn't change it for the world. It actually feels nice to be surrounded by a group of close, loving people, including Jin -- _especially_ Jin who's been comforting to him since he met him not that long ago.

They all know that Jimin needs him as much as he needs them... and that he needs Jimin as much as he's starting to love being around them.

It feels great to be included in something that doesn't have to do with his skills and him prospering. It... feels great to be in an environment that feels so family like.

Taehyung throws him a giddy boxed smile as Hoseok caresses his hair and Jimin holds his larger hand.

"Yes! The best!" He adds in an exclaim causing everyone to laugh including Namjoon who hears.

"Ah was that Taehyung?" He chuckles and Jin confirms a bit embarrassed.

"Haha cute. But I'd definitely love to come and celebrate. Text me your address and the time and I'll go ask Yoongi hyung if he's up for it. Thanks Jin."

"Ah it's my pleasure! Thank you!" Jin exclaims the end in random English which had everyone cackling including Namjoon as he finally hangs up.

Jin lets out a dreamy sigh and throws himself back against the carpet.

"See hyung you had nothing to worry about," Taehyung says and pats his thigh with a smile.

"True," Jin says simply before remembering what Taehyung did. "But I should still kill you for pressing the button and giving me a heart attack! You couch ruiner!"

*

     *

*

"Oh my God he said he just parked and is coming up! Do I look good? Is my hair okay?!"

"You like fine hyung, really. You look great," Jimin insists.

They were in Jin's room and Jimin had been helping Jin get ready while Jungkook, Hoseok, and Taehyung went to buy some soju.

"I've never seen you so nervous. Not even when you were seeing Ken."

Jin makes a face at his ex being mentioned. "Yeah well... I don't know me and Ken were friends for a while before we started dating so I guess I was used to him."

Jimin purses his lips a bit at that, wondering why it wasn't the same for him with Jungkook. They were best friends as children but still every time Jungkook looks his way he feels like he's morphing into a puddle of anxiety and nervousness, yet sure there's comfort in Jungkook's stare as well, especially when it holds a smile.

"Oh. And since you haven't really talked much with Namjoon you're worried?"

Jin nods eagerly at that. "I feel butterflies and I haven't even seen him tonight yet."

Jimin knows that feeling all too well. It reminds him of the times where he found out Jungkook was on the same campus as him. He was miserable yet the thought of Jungkook walking the same grounds as him made him feel so giddy inside as he imagined running into him and becoming friends like nothing ever happened.

Obviously that didn't happen yet Jimin doesn't mind at this point all that has happened. All his pain is over and he has Jungkook now and instead of sulking on the past, that will no doubt find it's way into his space and mind somedays because he is still recovering, he wants to enjoy the present.

"Aw Jin hyung you're so cute when you're nervous," Jimin giggles and Jin whines. On instant the doorbell is being rung.

Jin's eyes immediately widen and he shakes his head, repeating over and over that he can't do it.

Jimin giggles. "Hyung you can and you will. Remember when I thought I couldn't eat but you promised me I would be able to in time?"

Jin lets out a breath at that and nods, meeting Jimin's warm eyes. He's smiling.

"Well I'd say the same thing for you but we can't just leave Namjoon hyung outside so the time is now!" Jimin exclaims grabbing Jin's hand and leading him towards the front door.

"Wait Jimin wait!"

Jimin turns at his hyungs protest and Jin puts on his best begging face.

"Okay can you just open the door for me then?"

Jimin sighs. " _Hyung--"_

"Please! Pretty please!?"

Jimin rolls his eyes but agrees. Seeing Jin all nervous makes him soft inside -- or more soft than he already is.

He goes to open the door and is met with the sight of not only Namjoon and Yoongi but Jungkook, Hoseok, and Taehyung.

"Look at who we found!" Hoseok exclaims, hands carrying a bag as he comes in, Taehyung who's struggling holding many bags rushing past them both.

Jimin laughs, holding the door open for them.

"Jiminie! Wow it's been so long! You look great! I love the hair!" Namjoon cries pulling Jimin into a big hug.

Jimin is a bit surprised by the hug but returns it with aching from smiling cheeks.

"You seen me not that long ago at the hospital!"

"No that was weeks ago!"

Namjoon is much taller than him yet he can see past the others shoulder and there's eyes staring into his suddenly, gazing hard, face unconsciously blank.

He meets Jungkook's eyes and his smile falls a little and he feels the need to pull away from the hug. He doesn't exactly know why though because it's not like Jungkook looks angry... he was just staring, yet it's just he feels as if its _wrong_ to hug another man right in front of him.

Namjoon is still smiling obliviously as he ruffles Jimin's hair.

Jimin smiles sheepishly, and there's Yoongi right before Jungkook, and mumbling.

"Sup kid. How've you been?"

Jimin smiles genuinely, meeting his eyes to avoid Jungkook's gaze.

"I've been really good. What about you?"

"Same old same old. That's good to hear though, you look better... I always knew you were strong."

"Thanks hyung," Jimin smiles and Yoongi ruffles his hair once too before following Namjoon into the apartment.

Now it's just Jimin and Jungkook. He's holding a bag filled with drinks and Jimin moves for him so he can come in yet Jungkook doesn't budge. He's still staring when Jimin finally glances up, his cheeks hot already and small smile falling when he sees the sudden serious expression on Jungkook's face.

"They knew," is all Jungkook says and Jimin instantly knows what he's referring to.

"Yeah they were friends with Taeyang, remember they performed with me?" Jimin questions back softly yet Jungkook's expression doesn't change.

"Yes I remember. I remember how they they knew yet they never did anything."

Jimin frowns at that. "Jungkookie it's fine. It's in the past, I don't want to think about that or bring it up so please don't--"

"Don't what? Jimin they knew what he was doing to you yet you're all buddy buddy with them?"

Jimin's frown deepens at that and he gazes up at Jungkook with accusing eyes.

"What's wrong with that? What's wrong with me being friends with them?" Jimin scoffs. "You knew yet for forever you never did anything about it--"

"Yea because you never let me!" Jungkook's frowing now too and clearly irritated.

Jimin glances back to makes sure no one has heard Jungkook's sudden raise of voice and they haven't, they're still laughing in the kitchen yet even so Jimin finds himself stepping out into the lobby with Jungkook and closing the door.

He thinks about what Jungkook said and he has a point... and now Jimin feels both upset with the whole situation and himself for saying that.

"Please don't get upset... or loud, I don't want anyone to worry," Jimin crosses his arms and Jungkook remains standing, face stern.

"Everything is over now and they already apologized to me for not doing anything about it..." Jimin mumbles.

Jungkook scoffs, "And you forgave them after they just let him do such things to you--"

"I forgave you," Jimin cuts him off sharply and Jungkook's eyes seem to darken immensely.

"That's not the same and you know it."

Jimin doesn't meet his eyes because he does, he knows it's not. Them being silent is definitely not the same as Jungkook being angry and frustrated with him.

"Look... its over. I'm over it okay? Please just let it go?"

Jungkook stares at him for a moment before his jaw clenches and he looks away.

All Jimin sees is disappointment.

"Whatever," Jungkook responds and places the bag down.

"I think I'm gonna go."

Jimin's eyes widen and his mouth drops. "No! P-Please don't go!"

He reaches out to Jungkook, but hesitates on touching the taller by instinct, not being able to help or ignore the thought of angering Jungkook more.

Jungkook's gaze is hard as he watches Jimin retreat his hand as if he was almost afraid. Afraid to touch... _him._

The sight breaks Jungkook and he pulls Jimin against him chest almost immediately. Jimin yelps at the confusing and surprising impact but wraps his arms around Jungkook quickly, as if Jungkook would change his mind and walk away.

"Please... don't go," Jimin's heart is racing fast and he truly doesn't want Jungkook to leave or to be angry with him, he's holding his tears back just thinking about those two things. "I'm sorry, if you don't want me to be friends with them then--"

"Then nothing. I'm the one that's sorry, I was being ridiculous, they probably didn't know how to help you and I didn't think about all the scenarios or how they felt. You can be friends with whoever you want... I'm sorry. You said they apologized right?"

Jimin nods.

"And you forgave them right? You feel comfortable around them right?"

Jimin nods again, mumbling a small 'yes'.

"Then that's all that matters and you're right I should let it go."

Jimin is surprised that Jungkook is agreeing with him because in the past Jungkook was always stubborn, ever since they were kids.

"O-Okay... are you staying? Please stay... Jin hyung cooked a lot of tasty food for you and I don't want you to leave so soon without even trying any and..."

"And?" Jungkook's voice is almost teasing yet it's still calm and airy in Jimin's ear as he holds Jimin by the waist against his chest.

"I don't want you to leave again. Please don't leave."

Jungkook lips are against Jimin's ear as he squeezes the smaller's waist.

"You want me to stay that bad? But aren't you angry with me?"

Jimin shakes his head against Jungkook's chest, not meeting Jungkook's gaze as his hold on Jungkook's shoulders tighten.

"No. Please stay, I'm not... I'm not angry. I want you to stay."

"You shouldn't... and you should be angry... _I was so mean."_

Jimin remembers telling Jungkook those exact words the night his life was changed forever, the night Jungkook made him feel loved in his deepest darknesses.

He finds himself giggling against Jungkook's chest and Jungkook snorts, not being able to help laughing too.

It's crazy how the mood changed so soon yet neither of them replay what just happened.

Jimin finally glances up and meets Jungkook's eyes. They're crinkled, coming down from a smile and before Jimin realizes Jungkook's lips are hovering over his.

It's barely a brush of the lips before the door is being swung open and Taehyung is exclaiming.

"Aha! There you two are! What are you guys doing out here-- oh..." Taehyung makes what only can be described as a 'pervy' face. "Okay I see, well the foods ready!"

Jimin's face is probably scolding now as Taehyung retreats, screaming, "They're getting freaky outside!" In which Jin responds, "Not my Jiminie! Jungkook ah I'll kill you! There's no exhibitionists around here!"

Jungkook shakes his head, picking up the bag and opening the door for Jimin.

Jimin is too embarrassed to meet his eyes and everyone else as they make they're way to the dining room where everyone is sitting, Taehyung and Hoseok fighting over who gets to sit next to Yoongi, Yoongi calmly deluging in his delicious meal, and Jin covering his mouth as Namjoon insists he has a beautiful smile and doesn't need to hide it.

In the end Jimin realizes obviously no one here is judging him so he shouldn't be embarrassed even if Jungkook keeps purposefully touching him and making his stomach turn as they take a seat besides each other and pile their plates -- Jin adding onto Jimin's because, "Jimin ah! These scavengers" He's referring to Hoseok and Taehyung who whine on either side of Yoongi, "are gonna eat it all so get more!"

Jimin just laughs, allowing Jin to pile his plate which Jungkook teasingly picks off of later without meeting his eyes.

It makes Jimin blush regardless and he meets Yoongi's eyes. Yoongi offers him a genuine smile which he returns.

"Hey so Jungkook ah you do taekwondo right?" Namjoon suddenly questions interestedly from besides Jimin and Jungkook nods, chewing his food.

Jimin purses his lips, hoping Jungkook wouldn't be rude.

"Yes like I said earlier Jungkook is amazing! Y-You should've seen him h-hyung!" Taehyung exclaims, already have had too many cups of soju and is happily holding another cup.

Jin who's at the end, presses a spoonful of rice into his mouth and Hoseok thanks him graciously, causing Yoongi to chuckle.

"No but Tae's right you guys should come to Jungkook's next match!" Hoseok says and Jungkook cant help but raise a brow at that.

Jimin notices and bites his lip hopefully. Jungkook doesn't meet his eyes on purpose and continues eating his food.

Namjoon nods before noticing Jungkook's awkwardness. "I'd love to! I mean... only if Jungkook's okay with it? Me and Yoongi hyung love watching stuff like that but we're always cooped in the studio and never get invited out," he chuckles and Yoongi nods admitting that it's true which makes Hoseok and a tipsy Taehyung laugh.

Jungkook who's mouth is full of meat finally glances up and  he catches not only Jimin but Jin's eyes on his, and their expectant which makes Jungkook halt.

"Jungkook would love for both of you to go to the next fight!" Jin says what they want him to say and Jungkook can't even find it in him to decline as he watches Namjoon's weary wide eyes lower happily as he smiles, everyone at the table including Jimin doing the same.

Yoongi who's been drinking a bit suddenly chuckles. "So this is the infamous Jungkook that misplaced Taeyang's nose? I knew you looked familiar, you were looking for Jimin ah that night after our performance."

Jungkook nods once, feeling bitter once again as Yoongi literally brings up what Jimin and him just argued over.

Everyone else but Namjoon are a bit confused and silently listening while Yoongi continues talking.

"I wish I would've told you to go in that room rather than waiting. I know it doesn't really matter now but it would've saved everyone a lot of regret. Especially me and Namjoon ah."

Everyone has an idea now of what Yoongi is going on about, especially Jungkook.

"Don't worry about it..." Jungkook waves off about to go back to his food but Yoongi is persistent, he needs to get his point across.

"I'm not really worried. I just want to say thank you. I was sick of watching Taeyang treat his significant other's like shit yet rather than doing something about it I stayed away just like most people would so it didn't make me feel as bad... at least not until I heard that you beat him up so bad that he couldn't see. Me and Namjoon ah both felt bad then because to be honest either one of us could've done that, probably not as good as you hence you're a fighter but we could've helped in any way we could've yet we didn't--"

"Ah Yoongi hyung," Jimin is suddenly cutting him off. "You helped me a lot that day when you talked to me please don't dwell on it it's fine really--"

"It's not. Jimin ah it's not, but I'm happy to know you had and have someone like Jungkook ah to realize it."

"Me too," Namjoon inputs. "You're very courageous Jungkook ah I envy you."

Jungkook appreciates their words and no longer feel irritated with their presence, in fact he finds himself smiling in thanks, Jimin doing the same besides him, meeting his eyes proudly as the dinner goes on with Yoongi picking up his glass and exclaiming, "Okay enough sappy stuff!"

Taehyung cheers especially loud at that -- at least... until Hoseok pops his hand when he reaches for another drink.

*

*

The dinner goes on fairly well, they talk about random things, Namjoon and Jin vibe and smile at each other the whole time while Yoongi tells Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin and even Jungkook, who's fairly curious, about his and Namjoon's new works.

He promises Taehyung that they all can get a free pass to their future performances where Yoongi admits he hopes Jimin will be willing, if he wants that is, to perform with them once again.

Jimin is ecstatic at the offer and for once doesn't feel pressured. He says he'd love to but he has to practice dancing more since he's been off of it for a while.

Everyone eventually gets stuffed and thank Jin for such an amazing dinner then they move on to the living room where a now drunk Taehyung fights over what to watch with an also now drunk Hoseok. Jimin giggles at their antics, he himself also a bit on the drunk side only after one cup (he's a bit of a light weight sadly). They decide on a scary movie then pile on the big couch with Jungkook and Jimin.

Yoongi, is already knocked out in the arm chair cuddling a blanket before the movie can start while Namjoon and Jin are awfully close to each other on the smaller couch, whispering and giggling in each other's ears.

Taehyung is laid on his back, eyes low as he has Hoseok pressed against his chest, running his gangly hand through the older's hair as the movie starts.

Jimin feels warm taking in everyone all comfortable and turns to look up at Jungkook who's besides him, tired eyes locked onto the screen.

He doesn't notice Jimin staring for a while and so Jimin takes the time to take in all his details, especially his dark hair and flushed from soju cheeks.

He eventually senses Jimin looking at him and meets the others eyes.

They stare at each other for a while until Jimin's cheeks are scolding and he forces himself to look away and back at the tv.

It's a scene that's quite graphic. A couple is arguing and the way the man speaks reminds Jimin of Taeyang. It's totally triggering his past and everything he went through especially when the man ends up eventually hitting the girl, over and over and over until she literally couldn't move.

Jimin knows they're just acting yet why does it hit him so bad just from watching such a scene? His heart is racing, his eyes are wet, and suddenly before its gets too bad, before he can freak out, there's soft lips against his ear and rough but smooth hands caressing his.

"Hey, it's okay. This was a bad choice of a movie, let's go take a walk yeah?"

Jimin's nodding before he can even compromise what Jungkook is saying and soon they're standing.

Jimin hadn't even noticed that Jin and Namjoon had dipped into the others room while Taehyung and Hoseok were passed out on the couch.

It was just him and Jungkook up now and maybe Namjoon and Jin but they were clearly busy in the oldest's room, doing things Jimin can't lie and say he hasn't been craving -- which is weird because with Taeyang he never craved to be touched by the older, he never anted Taeyang's dirty, hurtful hands to touch him yet Jungkook touches him once with his gently and caressing hands and he's in love.

He's been craving Jungkook's touch since the first and last time.

"Actually... can we go to your place?" Jimin asks voice small, yet hopefully understanding and suggesting even.

Jungkook seems to want to question why instantly, because he doesn't understand why Jimin would want to go back there, yet then he takes note of the look in Jimin's eyes, and the sultry way his eyes drift down and he thinks _oh._

He can't help but nod, feeling all his confidence kind of die when Jimin stares like that, as if he stole all Jungkook's confidence and knows it.

"Y-Yeah... why not? Um do you want to pack a bag?"

Jimin nods, smiling softly and happily before making his way to his room where he hurriedly packs a bag. In his mist of packing Jimin sees the little box of all sized condoms Taehyung insisted he take home after Jimin told him about Jungkook and his night.

Jimin blushes but finds himself putting the condoms in his bag anyways not even knowing if it'd be completely necessary since he and Jungkook kind of didn't... use protection last time. Yet that's okay! Well not really but Jimin knows he's clean and Jungkook said he was a virgin and Jimin trusts that.

He hurries out the room, a bit out of breath yet he manages to smile at Jungkook who's up and standing instantly, as if he knows what Jimin wants and he wants it too.

Soon enough, after Jungkook grabs his own bag they're out the door and the walk to his place is silent yet comfortable with many fleeting stares.

It takes a while to get there from Jin's place so they stop at an ice cream parlor that Jimin insists he doesn't need yet Jungkook wants to buy him some anyways.

He ends up loving it and Jungkook can't help but to stare every time he moans with his mouth full or licks the creme off of his lips.

Jimin doesn't miss the way his eyes darken and the shy boy disappears either.

*  
*

When they arrive at Jungkook's apartment finally, Jimin is hit with recollections of everything he's been through in this building. The verbal abuse, the physical abuse, the crying in the elevator when it was empty, the neighbors coming to the door if he screamed to loud during a beating, the limping down the stairs in hopes that'd he'd lose weight. He's hit with it all yet instead of feeling pained by it he feels almost a sense of nostalgia because it's over. All that is over and he's going up the elevator with Jungkook and they're going to make good memories that he won't be anxious about remembering, or at least he hopes he won't and that they will in fact make good memories.

Jungkook has been staring at him since they arrived at the building. Watching him, or more so observing how he's reacting being here. He's worried that Jimin might have a breakdown or even worse a panic attack.

Jimin throws him a small smile because he's okay, _really!_ For once being in the building he feels okay, he feels sure and doesn't have any regrets for being with Jungkook like the last time. He isn't thinking about Taeyang beating him for finding out, he isn't thinking that he's a cheater, he isn't thinking of anything but Jungkook.

And he feels good. He feels so good about this.

The elevator stops and they arrive at Jungkook's floor. He opens the door with call hands and Jimin wonders how can he always be so calm and collected.

They enter and the first thing heard -- before they can even get the lights on! -- is what sounds like a phone ringing.

There's a beep and a voice mail box about to go off and as Jungkook flips the light on Jimin sees all the his calmness kind of just... sink and quickly his face is contorting into an agitated expression and he's mumbling that Jimin can sit on the couch for a moment then all too soon he's striding his way to his kitchen.

Jungkook makes it too late though, his father has already begun going off.

_"JUNGKOOK AH! IVE BEEN CALLING ALL DAY AND I KNOW YOU SEEN MY CALLS YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD NOW OR SOMETHING?! WELL YOU'RE NOT! THAT FIGHT WAS SHIT ANS I'M TAKING YOU OUT--"_

He picks up the phone, and Jimin watches the way Jungkook's body tenses from the couch. He himself is clutching his bag nervously at the sight and he wants to go comfort Jungkook but he knows Jungkook needs space as he talks to his father. So instead he stays seated with big eyes, hoping that everything will be okay and Jungkook's father wasn't going to say what Jimin thought he was.

Jungkook's grip on the phone is tight. He feels his heart races in his chest as if it would pop out. He totally forgot he turned his phone off, he had been having so much fun that he didn't even think about his father. All day his focus had been on Jimin and his friends and he was enjoying that. He knows he won't enjoy anything that is about to come out of his father's mouth. His body is already tense, waiting for the degrading words to spill from his mouth.

_"It's 11:56... 11:56 and your fight was broadcasted at 3:30 so what have you been doing all day that you couldn't return a call?"_

His father's voice is suddenly calm, an eerie sense of anger lingering heavily and Jungkook's throat is so tight he can't even answer.

"I was busy--"

_"You were busy?"_

"Yes--"

_"YOU WERE SO BUSY THAT YOU COULDNT RETURN A PHONE CALL?! JUNGKOOK AH DO YOU THINK IM FUCKING DUMB?! I WAS YOUNG BEFORE TOO! I know EXACTLY what you were doing!"_

Jungkook doesn't even respond. He's just hoping this conversation will end and continues staring ahead at the wall.

_"Ask me what I think you were doing?"_

Jungkook internally groans.

"What was I doing father?"

_"CLEARLY NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB! I send you off in hopes that you're strong enough to take things seriously yet the moment you're not in our sight you jag off. That fight you did today? Guess what?! It was shit! The way you let that pussy almost drop you was shit! And I don't care if you won or not! The training or whatever the fuck you've been doing!? It's not working! And I clearly stated that you were to call me right after yet instead you went off with those kids! Yeah I seen the programs! Very unprofessional and your mother is very disappointed in you for just ending an interview like that! Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?! Nobody! Just like that little specific friend of yours that you walked off with. Yeah I seen him, you think I didn't recognize him? Well I fucking did! What's his name Jimin? I don't know how you found him again and I don't know why you keep associating yourself with that fucking nobody! His parents were drugged out nobody's and he's a nobody too! Just like you!"_

Jungkook closes his eyes tightly, his body is now shaking from his father's words and his grip on the phone is almost lethal and before he knows it he disconnecting the phone and throwing it against the wall.

Jimin's eyes are wide and he jumps at the clash, quickly getting up and making his way to a fuming, shaking Jungkook who's now just slamming the phone over and over into the floor until it's in pieces. Jimin doesn't even realize he's still clutching his bag with one hand and he doesn't even think about anything but comforting Jungkook as he reaches his free hand out to grab Jungkook arm and hopefully get him to stop, yet right when Jimin lays a hand on him Jungkook doesn't even feel it.

It's like Jimin's invisible once again and he's annoyed because though he understands Jungkook is upset, he shouldn't be doing this and Jimin just wants to help him.

He tries one more time, grabbing Jungkook's shoulder. "Jungko--"

This time Jungkook hears him. The phone is in pieces and he's swiftly turning towards Jimin, eyes dark and sharp and hair messy with sweat.

"What!?" The adrenaline in him forces him to shout and Jimin feels himself backing into the wall, his heart racing in both surprise and... fear by the way Jungkook's staring at him, eyes full of anger.

For once he's actually not sure if Jungkook won't hurt him...

He's scared and Jungkook can clearly see as he comes down from his anger. Jimin is shaking now too, clutching his bag against his chest and not meeting his eyes.

Jungkook sighs, looking down at the mess he caused and hating himself for it. He looks back at Jimin and the hate he feels for himself intensifies as he takes in the smaller's terrified expression.

What did he just do?

Two times today he has made Jimin _fear_ him and he hates it! He hates himself for letting his temper get the best of him.

"Jimin hyung--"

He reaches out for the other and what Jimin does immediately crushes everything in him.

He cowers, eyes squeezed shut and body trembling, as if he was wishing he could disappear.

Jungkook's mouth is gaped yet no words come out and all too soon he can't control the sudden emotions wafting over him and he's crying hard, caging Jimin in and hugging him.

"Please d-don't be scared of me, please I'm sorry, I'm so sorry hyung I--"

Jimin's heart is still racing, and his adrenaline is still pumping yet at the first cry, his wet eyes are wide open and he's holding Jungkook tightly, the taller's messy soft hair rubbing against his cheeks as he presses his face into Jimin's neck and he sobs, body racking against Jimin's.

Jimin can't help but still feel a sense of fear yet even so he over comes it quickly with the way Jungkook's arms wrap around him tightly, as if he really _would_ disappear.

Jimin can't leave him like this though and he doesn't want to either. He knows that Jungkook is truly sorry and he knows this because of the simple fact Jungkook _doesn't_ cry this easily. Maybe it could be all his emotions pilled up from the things his father said to him yet Jimin knows he's truly remorseful as he mumbles over and over that he's sorry.

Jimin shushes him with his own shaky voice and runs a hand through Jungkook's messy hair. Pulling the hair off his wet, tear streamed face and whispering to him that everything will be okay.

Jimin feels his heart aching at the sight and leans against the wall to hold Jungkook bigger body against his chest more comfortably, until he's calmed down.

Jimin continues to stroke his hair and wipe his tears even as he's stopped sobbing, only crying silently as he blinks his eyes open.

He stares into the living room, not meeting Jimin's eyes, and by the way his cheeks are flushed with pink Jimin has the mind to say Jungkook is embarrassed.

And he is. He's embarrassed for breaking down like this which only happens rarely, yet he trusts Jimin. He knows Jimin wouldn't judge him for crying -- though he also knows maybe Jimin was surprised because usually this situation is the other way around. Usually he's the one that holding Jimin and wiping his tears.

It's a major contrast yet it feel good. It feels good for Jimin to not be the one crying and it feels good for Jungkook to let go and be held like this and cared for like this.

It feels good to not hide and let all his emotions and regrets out, and he's done that in Jimin's presence more than once so he has a big idea that it means something.

Something more than trust... something more than love and there's no words for this feeling.

Jungkook's body is still trembling a bit as he stands upright, looking into Jimin's tired, worried eyes that are already locked onto him, making sure he's okay.

Jungkook sees no more fear in his eyes only worry and he feels immensely better, although still majorly regretful.

Jimin holds onto his hand while still holding his bag while Jungkook uses his other free hand to dry his eyes.

Jimin smiles softly. "Lets go bed."

Jungkook doesn't argue and lets Jimin turn off all the lights and pull him into his bedroom.

Memories of their time here last time come running back to Jimin's mind but he ignores them all along with the blush on his cheeks.

This is Jungkook's time. He wants to be the one to care for Jungkook and let Jungkook know that it's okay. Everything's okay.

He sets his bag down on the edge of Jungkook's bed then goes to turn on Jungkook's lamp.

Jungkook takes a seat at the end of his bed and places his elbows on his knees, running his hand through his hair anxiously.

Jimin is near him soon again, sitting down next to him and they're quiet, taking in the comfortable silence.

"Jimin hyung," Jungkook's voice suddenly cracks out and Jimin shushes him softly.

"It's okay. You don't have to explain," Jimin says as Jungkook turns to look at him with big, doe, revealing eyes.

There's no facade whatsoever and Jimin hates that he can see the regret all in Jungkook's eyes. He can't stand it and finds himself pulling Jungkook against his chest again.

He places his head on top of Jungkook's and hold Jungkook's nape as Jungkook holds his waist tightly, letting out broken, wavering sighs.

"D-Do you want to talk about your father?" Jimin asks in a whisper and Jungkook shakes his head.

"Just... just hold me please hyung."

And Jimin does for a while until he thinks holding isn't enough.

He stands and bends down to take off Jungkook's shoes while Jungkook just stares at him, wondering how'd he get so lucky to have someone that is _everything._

"I love you hyung," he calls when Jimin stands and Jimin nods, kind eyes piercing his sad ones.

"I love you too... I love you so much Jungkookie. Cmon lets lay down."

Jimin crawls up to his pillows and lays down, stretching his, still clad in Jungkook's hoodie, arms out for Jungkook to come lay in them.

Jungkook does and rests his head against Jimin's chest. Their legs intertwine and Jungkook's hair is against Jimin's chin as Jimin strokes it and holds him tightly.

Jungkook feels his eyes watering up again and this time he has no idea why. Maybe it's because he's grateful to have someone as caring as Jimin, maybe it's because he feels loved, maybe it's because Jimin makes him feel like _somebody_ and enough to make him emotional.

He's crying again and Jimin is just hugging him tighter. Eventually he calms down yet Jimin still pulls him up and they're kissing suddenly. Jimin is kissing the last of his tears away and holding his face tightly.

Jungkook sighs softly as they break apart and he just kind of wants for Jimin to kiss him again and over and over and over again.

Jimin sits up though and gently pushes Jungkook back. His cheeks are burning red and his pulse is racing as he takes the lead, something he's never done in his life.

He's layering pecks against Jungkook's face and Jungkook is sighing softly, allowing him to do everything as he sinks into his pillows with his eyes shut.

Jimin, with shaky, nervous hands, finds Jungkook's waist and slowly pull down his sweats.

Jungkook's eyes are still closed even as Jimin runs a hand up from his ankle to his boxers.

Jungkook lets out a shaky breath at that and Jimin goes to take off his shirt.

He sits up and allows Jimin to pull it off. He meets Jimin's eyes this time and pulls Jimin softly by the back of his head into a kiss.

It's warm, soft, and full of love. They both think they can kiss each other forever and they want to but Jimin pulls apart to sit back and pull his own clothes off.

He hesitates a bit, still a little self conscious yet he quickly realizes that it's only Jungkook, who had seen him stark naked before and wouldn't judge him for gaining weight.

Jungkook watches Jimin hesitate slightly before pulling off his hoodie. His eyes take in everything and he absolutely loves not being able to see Jimin's ribs poking out.

Jimin's stomach is still flat yet it's not sunken in anymore and Jungkook doesn't want to do anything else but layer it with kisses.

His eyes trail everything else. Jimin's perky nipples, the goosebumps on his skin... the scars, especially the one on his arm that is still trying to fade.

Jungkook wants to kiss them all and he plans to, grabbing Jimin's hand softly and turning his arm over. He pulls it closer and begins to trail kisses against the scar.

Jimin exhales softly and pulls away when Jungkook gets to his hand, leaving a soft kiss on the back of his palm. After leaving kisses there he pulls Jimin closer by the waist and as Jimin runs his ringed hands through his hair he lays kisses on Jimin belly, hands busying themselves by pulling Jimin's pants down.

Jimin moans lightly at the feeling of Jungkook's lips on his skin and hands on his waist.

When his pants are down to his knees Jimin finishes, not before gently pushing Jungkook's chest and motioning for him to lay down though.

He's embarrassed but Jungkook makes him feel comfortable even as he stares curiously from his spot on the pillow.

Jimin reaches for his bag and pulls out the box of comdoms. He hides behind his hair as he comes back to Jungkook who begins sitting up again.

"Hyung... last time we--"

"I-I know. Last time we didn't use p-protection and I mean it's fine because I know I'm okay and you said you never did it so..."

"So why do you have these? Did you not like the feeling--"

"No! I... I-I really liked it," Jimin blushes, "but I just... it might be easier to have them for your first time not that I'm really b-big or anything..."

"Oh. Oh you want to?" Jungkook doesn't finish his question and is staring at Jimin with those doe eyes again, his ears flushed red and moving to his cheeks.

Jimin shrugs, looking down sheepishly. "You always take care of me and... I want to take care of you too."

Jungkook stares for another moment and then finally responds with a simple, yet still slightly anxious, 'Okay hyung'.

Then he's laying back again, closing his eyes and allowing for Jimin to explore his body.

Jimin swallows and places his nervous hands on Jungkook's knees, watching the way Jungkook spreads easily for him.

All too soon Jungkook's boxers are being pulled down by Jimin's shaky hands and he's staring at the orange haired boy with sultry, trusting eyes.

Jimin can't help but give a small, nervous smile as he runs his hands down from Jungkook's knees again, to his thighs.

They're strong and feel great against his small hands. He wants to touch Jungkook everywhere yet the way Jungkook's member is standing tall against his stomach makes him melt into a puddle of hesitation.

"C-Can I--"

"You don't have to ask hyung. Just touch me however you want," Jungkook mumbles lowly, staring Jimin in the eyes and making him gulp.

Jimin nods and one of his hands slowly run up Jungkook's v-line. He lightly rubs the very manly, few hairs there around Jungkook's balls and Jungkook twitches, sighing and resting his head back on the pillow, eyes closed as Jimin fully wraps his hand around his length.

Jimin sits back on his legs comfortably and pushes Jungkook bottom up so that he's slightly over his knees, then his free hand finds Jungkook's hip while his other hand grips Jungkook's dick a little, watching -- and loving -- the way Jungkook tenses.

Jimin looks up at his reaction with curiosity. He's not exactly sure that he knows what he's doing but he's given Taeyang both a hand and blow job many of times -- though usually the blow job part was done forcefully and Jimin hated it. He hated the feeling of Taeyang forcing himself down his throat, and he often cried yet now... as he stares at Jungkook's pretty, thick and veiny length (that barely fits in his hands), he actually feels the want to please Jungkook in the way he use to hate.

And so he does, after Jungkook's writhing and thriving from Jimin simple stroking him for a few minutes and watching him get wet, Jimin leans down and wraps his mouth around Jungkook.

Jungkook's reaction is immediate. One hand grips the pillow behind him while his other hand finds Jimin's hair. He moans loudly, "H-Hyung--" and his hips jump as Jimin slides him down deeply, trying his best to hold down his hips.

"Fuck you're so good hyung... so beautiful," he cries, holding Jimin's hair out of his face so he can watch.

Jimin gives a particular hard suck at the compliment and Jungkook _whines._ Jimin's never heard such a sound come out of the others mom but he loves it, he loves to know that he's pleasing Jungkook.

"Please... h-hyung fuck-- fuck I love you."

Jimin goes deeper and deeper until he's at the soft hair of Jungkook's pelvis and he inhales deeply throughout his nose, loving the taste and smell of Jungkook and craving the way Jungkook's body is quivering in reaction to his doings, throbbing against his tongue.

" _Fuck_... fuck hyung," Jungkook suddenly sits up and Jimin's pulling off immediately to look up at him with wide eyes.

He's not sure if he's done something wrong and he thinks he has, hand holding his wrist subconsciously and nervously until Jungkook's suddenly grabbing both his hands and pulling him close and kissing him.

It's full of tongue and it's wet, such dirty noises fill Jimin's ears and he's more embarrassed at this than when he was previously sucking Jungkook off. Yet even so he loves it. He loves the way Jungkook kisses him until he's out of breath. He loves the way Jungkook's tongue easily over dominates his. And he especially loves the way that Jungkook moans softly and so enticing, as if he loves this too.

Leaving his cheeks hot and lips wet, Jungkook pulls away from Jimin, and with a hot, rough voice he whispers -- almost begging, "Fuck me hyung-- please just fuck me, touch me everywhere."

And Jimin with owlish eyes and a suddenly dry mouth Jimin obeys, clumsily grabbing the condom box and ripping it open.

Jungkook lays back against the pillow, watching a nervous Jimin with those lustful eyes again.

Jimin can't even look his way he's so embarrassed -- and he knows he has nothing to be embarrassed about but he can't help it! He can't help but to think he'll do something wrong or accidentally hurt Jungkook and can you blame him? He's never been a dominant person before so this is all knew yet so far nothing bad has happened and it gives him a little confidence and not so much control yet but that's okay, as long as Jungkook is enjoying so far which he made clear with his wishes and moans.

Jimin quickly stands and shyly rids his boxers then make his way back onto the bed and in between Jungkook's thighs. He grabs a condom that is his size, which happens to be the "average" Korean size or in other words smaller than Jungkook's and that happens to make his self confidence drop yet Jungkook doesn't seem to mind seeing as his eyes haven't left sight from Jimin or more specifically the part of Jimin that was to go in him.

Jimin shakily rips open the condom after struggling for a moment then while hiding his blushing face with his hair he slides it on his own stubby erect length.

It's a weird feeling that he's never felt before and he sighs softly as he strokes himself a few times with his thumb and forefinger.

Jungkook is still watching him intensely as he finally spreads his legs, then suddenly Jungkook is sitting up and kissing him again, passionately and full of love as he lowers them both down, Jimin laying in between his legs, their whole body rubbing against one another's.

Jimin sighs into the kiss and Jungkook pulls away to fetch the lube under his pillow all while continuing to stare Jimin in his eyes.

Jimin feels embarrassed, his cheeks scolding, yet he can't look away from Jungkook gaze. It's so strong and trusting and all to soon he doesn't realize Jungkook had already opened the lube and is wrapping a strong hand around his length, stroking him until his breath is catching and he's gasping, gripping the stronger's forearms.

"Good?" Jungkook questions, voice low and seductive and Jimin nods immediately.

Everything feels more intense this time compared to the last time where it was overall sad and comforting -- now as Jungkook watches his every expression and touches him sensually, everything just feels hot and suffocating, but not a bad suffocating. A kind of suffocation you actually _want_ to drown in if that makes sense?

Jimin twitches, legs shaking as Jungkook finally lets him go and rubs the rest of the lube on his own length and awaiting hole.

Jimin notices Jungkook's own blush as he touches down there. Jimin imagines it must be a foreign place for him to touch and feels the need to ask, "Have you ever--"

Jungkook shakes his head right away, silky dark hair messing and framing above his dark, suddenly worried doe eyes.

"Don't worry, that's okay," Jimin says softly reaching for the lube and pouring some on his short fingers.

He sits back again and Jungkook drops his knees open, trusting Jimin with his all.

Jimin lets out a shaky, nervous breath as his lubed hand makes contact with Jungkook's heat and his other hands rubs, hopefully comforting, circles on Jungkook's thigh.

He finally gets the courage and presses a finger in, Jungkook closing in on him almost immediately and groaning.

"Jungkookie... p-please relax, I don't want to hurt you."

Jungkook mumbles an apology, eyes squeezed tight and hands clenching the sheets as he lets out a breath, fully relaxing and allowing Jimin to press his finger in all the way.

Everything is warm and tight and something Jimin also isn't used to seeing as he doesn't even do this to himself thus his nervousness as he begins to move his fingers all while watching Jungkook's clenched expression as he groans.

It seems as if it hurts him and that worries Jimin incredibly, he can't help but to say, "Jungkookie if it hurts too much we can stop and I'll do it--"

Jungkook shakes his head, grabbing Jimin's wrist when he begins to pull out.

"M-More," is all he says and Jimin stares at him wearily but adds another finger, stretching him more and feeling even more hesitant as Jungkook groans uncomfortably because of the burn.

Jimin can't take his pained sounds after only a few moments and finds himself reaching deeper and searching for a spot that he knows pleases him so it should please Jungkook as well -- or hopefully it does.

Jimin knows he's found it when Jungkook's painful, sharp gasps turns into wavering, breathy moans and his hips jump.

"Is it okay now?" Jimin asks meekly and Jungkook nods, reaching for Jimin's wrist again and holding it tightly as Jimin moves his fingers faster and harder against that spot, loving the way Jungkook's body raises which gives him a chance to feel strong and hold Jungkook down before going to stroke his leaking cock.

Jungkook's legs begin to shake and he plants his feet down, hand that isn't holding Jimin's wrist clenching his messy hair as he moans loudly, "H-Hyung... fu-- Hyung..."

His eyes are shut tight in pleasure and Jimin can watch him all day. He loves knowing that he's the one that is causing Jungkook so much pleasure. He loves to know that he can make Jungkook feel as good as he makes him feel. He loves... feeling loved. He wants to feel this forever and leans in to kiss Jungkook and savor this moment.

Jungkook kisses him back, letting go off his hair in favor of holding the back of Jimin's neck and pulling him close again.

"I'm r-ready hyung," he voices out weakly through the kiss, not feeling even an ounce of pain anymore even as Jimin pulls his fingers out.

He only feels a sudden emptiness and quickly helps Jimin push himself in his heat, sucking in a sharp breath as Jimin gasps head falling in between Jungkook's neck as he bottoms out.

Everything is hot for Jimin, hot and new and lovable _and Jungkook_ , who is only feeling full and warmth, keeps clenching against him and he fears that he'll cum too quickly so he begins to move.

Jungkook wraps his arms around Jimin's back and pulls him insatiably close, groaning in pleasure and his head thrown back as Jimin holds his shoulders tightly and whimpers against his chest, thrusting harder.

The bed shakes against the wall and the sound of skin meeting is echoing along with their moans.

Both of their eyes are squeezed shut and Jimin's face is pressed hard down on Jungkook's chest as he feels his stomach tighten. His legs are shaking and his moans are getting louder along with Jungkook's as the taller voices brokenly, "H-Hyung fuck... I-I love you so much."

Jimin meets his eye, sitting up some. "I love you too Jungkookie... I love you s-so much, so much," Jimin cries, thrusting faster.

He can't control himself and he's beginning to chase his orgasm as Jungkook clenches against him more, whining so deliciously.

Jimin moans out of breath as he sits up, cheeks flushed as he presses his hands on either side of Jungkook and shakily holds himself up while Jungkook grips his waist, opening his legs so Jimin can reach deeper.

"S-So beautiful Jungkookie..." Jimin says shakily, staring at the others hair framing the pillow and eyes closed tight, cheeks pink.

Jungkook barely hears it through his moans. He's on the verge of tears from the pleasure and reaches down to get himself off as Jimin moans, voice soft and addicting, he can't help but to pull the other into a long, sweet kiss.

Jimin comes, crying out against Jungkook's lips and chasing it as Jungkook groans and meets him, pouring against stomach and pulling Jimin down to hug him.

They catch their breaths, Jimin wrapping his arms around Jungkook's head and rubbing his nose against the others sweaty sideburn as Jungkook strokes his back and hair, memeber still twitching the last out.

He turns to Jimin and they make eye contact, both feeling immensely warm and infatuated and content and _in love._ They both hope this feeling won't ever go away and as Jungkook eyes water and he doesn't even know _why,_ Jimin feels his own do the same.

"I love you hyung," Jungkook whispers against his plump, sore lips and Jimin responds right away, a big smile breaking out on his face.

"I love you Jungkookie."

 _And he does, so much_. 

**An.**

**I'm sorry for any mistakes! Im sure there's many and I will most like deep edit this whole story when I finish it lol but so much happened in this chapter omg! I wrote it and I'm still like how did I even ? What? I bet seeing Jimin top was also very surprising for both you and me too since I'm a big hoe for bottom Jimin lol but I just felt like it felt right and was needed because of the situation aka Jungkook breaking down! Crazy I know. I think that's the first time I've shown how bad his temper can get and how vulnerable he can become as well. I hope y'all like that side of him and cute, unsure Jimin trying to be a good hyung and take care of his boyfriend. Also tell me what you think about this chapter and everything that happened! Thank you so much for reading! Sorry I'm so late too I've been really busy with school and my motivation has just went to dust :(**


	26. Chapter 26

Jimin wakes up and the first thing he's surrounded by is warmth, and a tight hold around his waist. He takes a deep breath and he stretches as a scent, a beautiful manly yet clean with a slight hint of cinnamon, scent that he's definitely used to by now overtakes his senses. He's high from it only after one inhale and he finds himself smiling as arms pull him closer and lips kiss behind his neck, right on his mole, he's sure.

Bare legs intertwine with his own and he's giggling by now, out of pure happiness. He knows Jungkook's up by the way his heart begins to race against his back. He can hear Jungkook literally grinning and turns around to be met with the bright smile he imagined.

Jungkook's hair is messy and he's sure his is too yet it doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is the pretty sparkles in Jungkook's eyes as he stares intensely at Jimin.

It's the same look he gave Jimin last night when the older was breaking him down into pieces he never imagined would ever fall apart.

Jimin feels his face heat up and his initial reaction is to hide yet Jungkook is pulling him closer, hand running down his bare back and leaving goosebumps as he cups Jimin's ass softly, pulling him right under him.

Jungkook hovers over him so that he can't hide. He can only stare into Jungkook's big pretty eyes that are crinkling softly as he gently looks over Jimin's features.

Jimin feels slightly out of breath only from Jungkook's stare and his eyes stay open as Jungkook pecks his lips, a gently smile taking over his features as Jimin returns it.

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair softly, pushing the fluffy orange hair back as he cradles his elbows on either side of Jimin's head to lean in.

With his lips against Jimin's ear he mumbles lightly. "I'm sore."

He breaths out a laugh but Jimin's worried nonetheless turning to look at him with weary eyes.

"Oh Jungkookie I'm sorry I--"

"Don't be. I _like_ it."

Jimin blushes as that and the way Jungkook sits up to watch him again, sliding in between his legs and carding them flushed together.

Jimin feels himself shiver as Jungkook's chest makes contact with his own; his heart racing when he realizes Jungkook's still staring.

Jimin will never understand how he never gets enough of staring. Even as kids he often found Jungkook staring. Then his eyes would often be filled with curiosity, now it's filled with pure adoration.

Jungkook _adores_ him and till forever Jimin will never understand why. He doesn't hate himself anymore yet he doesn't see anything worth adoring either.

He's still progressing and he's still trying to learn how to love himself but it takes time. Jungkook helps with the process though and he finds himself thinking again, that maybe there is something special about him if someone like Jungkook, who means everything to him, can never seem to look away.

Jungkook's still running his hand through his hair as he leans down and connects their lips. Maybe they should've brushed their teeth first but none seem to care about morning breath as long as they have each other.

The kiss is sensual and slow and Jimin finds himself sighing, hands coming to grip Jungkook's soft waist, pulling him close as if there's still room in between them.

His legs slacken, opening wide and wrapping around Jungkook's own as the kiss deepens. He thinks only momentarily about how they might be doing this again -- how they can't get enough of each other now that it's just them.

Jimin loves the thought, he's never wanted someone so much ever and he finds himself moaning into the kiss as Jungkook opens him up, body hot and slotted again his as they slowly glide together.

They take their time, breathing getting louder as the bed creeks in tune with the birds singing outside.

Light comes from the window and leaves no such darkness in the room as the sun kisses their skin. Jimin doesn't want this to end, the way Jungkook is gentle with him as he tugs his bottom lip and ruts into him in a way that leaves him breathless, and wanting more.

He's never ever wanted more with Taeyang who'd fuck him from night until the morning. There would be no light in the room as the cold air drifted in and Jimin cried hoping he'd finish soon. And when he did, he'd often turn over leaving no room or want for cuddles -- leaving Jimin to curl up in a ball and sob silently.

Jimin's eyes are watering now too but it's not because he's hurting, it's because Jungkook makes him feel _so good, so wanted and loved._ A lone tear drops and Jungkook kisses it away quickly, there's no judgement in his eyes as Jimin holds him tighter, wrapping his arms around his neck and bring him closer.

He cards his hand through Jungkook's hair, mouth gaping open and silent moans leaving his mouth as Jungkook's hot, heavy heat rubs against his harder.

His hips are shaking and he's eagerly pressing up as Jungkook leaves hot, open mouth kisses against his neck, under his jaw, and on his wrist, right on his scar. His teeth barely grazing as if he's scared to leave a mark and remind Jimin of the bruises that use to hurt him just to look at.

Jimin is grateful for Jungkook's simply care and he holds him tighter, legs wrapping around his hips tighter as Jungkook grunts hotly against his ear.

Jimin's close and he knows Jungkook is too with how fast and hard he's pounding his cock against his.

Jimin's so wet yet he can't find the time to be embarrassed even as he basically cries out Jungkook's name over and over when he comes.

"I-I love you, I love you-- I," he's a rambling mess yet those words are all it takes for Jungkook to spill too, connecting their lips with such a passion Jimin was only sure to ever see in movies.

They breath deeply as they break from the kiss, foreheads fitted sweatily against each other and Jimin blushes as he watches Jungkook gaze down at the mess they made with dazed eyes.

Jimin feels his thighs trying to close from the embarrassment and Jungkook immediately glances up, eyes still coming down from lust.

"You don't have to be shy, or embarrassed. It's just me..."

 _It's always been just him,_ Jimin finds himself thinking as he nods, letting out a shaky, "Okay," and spreading himself comfortably again.

Jungkook doesn't seem to want to move but he sits up and reaches over to his bedside to grab a few tissues. He cleans Jimin first with the upmost care -- especially careful around his sensitive member and Jimin's grateful even though his face is burning.

Jungkook cleans himself and then pulls Jimin back against him so he could spoon him.

Jimin is grateful for this too because even though Jungkook does wrap an arm around him and presses his face in his neck, Jimin doesn't feel... suffocated like how Taeyang often made him feel.

Taeyang, after beating him and making it up to him with sex, would often hold him tightly to make sure he didn't sneak away. It was the only time they were technically "cuddling" yet it never exactly felt that way -- especially not with Taeyang's hand around his throat or Taeyang's body on top of his in a way that also left him breathless -- literally.

Jimin would cry then too. He'd ache and cry until Taeyang was telling him to shut the fuck up and overall in those moments Jimin never felt loved. He never felt as if Taeyang was truly sorry for the way he treated him yet he guesses that doesn't even matter anymore because Jungkook is. Jungkook is silently repaying him for all their bad times. Jungkook loves him and Jungkook treats him so well that he doesn't even think once of Taeyang.

Jimin loves it this way. He loves the way Jungkook holds him and makes him feel light and warm and without worry with and arm around him that isn't terrifying, its protective and comforting. It reminds both him and Jimin that _he_ isn't going anywhere and _Jimin isn't going anywhere either._

Jimin for once in his life truly wants to stay and he thinks Jungkook's arms is a good home, for not only living but bettering himself to the fullest.

Though not everyone else does.

They don't expect it, not even Jungkook expects to see hear his father busting in his apartment after they begin to drift off.

He's up and pulling away from Jimin at the first shout.

"Jungkook! Jeon Jungkook! Pack your fucking bags!"

Jungkook is firstly shocked Jimin notices but then he seems worried as he takes in Jimin's own wide eyes and trembling lips as he gets dressed.

Jimin doesn't know whether to stay behind, clenching the covers against himself or to get dressed and follow Jungkook who quickly tells him to call Jin and ask the older to come pick him up.

Jimin doesn't want to leave yet he listens only because he wouldn't even know what to do or say in this. Even so he feels his eyes swell up and he knows he shouldn't cry. He wants to but he must be strong in this moment because he doesn't want Jungkook to leave him, he'll definitely break if that happens and he doesn't want that so he tries to stay strong as he watches Jungkook swiftly rush out his room so his father won't come in.

"Jin hyung?"

His voice is shaky and he's trying not to cry as he hears Jin rustle from his bed, Namjoon groaning besides him.

_"Jiminie? Jiminie what's wrong? What happened?!"_

He's worried, frantic even and he sounds like he's quickly getting dressed before Jimin could even get the words out.

"I-I nothing-- well I'm okay but-- but Jungkook got into an a-argument with his dad last night and-and he said really mean things to him I guess because Jungkook got really upset but things were good, I-I made him feel better... but now his father is here and he's yelling really mean messed up things and I don't know what to do hyung, I'm scared and Jungkook just told me to call you and I'm guessing he wants you to pick me up I'm not sure he didn't say b-but I'm freaking out--"

_"Okay Jimin just calm down. Don't freak out, I'm on my way okay?"_

"Okay," Jimin lets out a breath as he hangs up.

Jungkook's father is cursing, shouting and screaming and telling Jungkook how he's nothing. Jimin feels his heart begin to race as he covers his ears.

The words Jungkook's father is using towards him hits deep, Jimin's shaking when he stands, quickly trying to dress before he caves into his panic attack.

He reminds himself to be strong yet it's hard to do so when he cracks the door and Jungkook's father's eyes land upon him and in no longer then a second it's like a new wave of anger flashes in him because he's halting his shouts and his hand is coming up hard and fast.

Jimin sees Jungkook's head go sideways from the impact of the slap his father just left.

Jimin _watched_ Jungkook get slapped.

Jimin _watched_ someone else he loves get hurt and all too quickly he's back to hating himself again.

First his father, then his own self, and now Jungkook.

It's a cycle of guilt and revelation, one moment he's good, he's healthy, he's happy with no regrets but then in under a moments second all of that can easily disappear and every single time it's all because of him.

Jungkook's father seen him and got so angry with his presence that he slapped Jungkook for it.

Jungkook got hurt because of Jimin being here and Jimin's is pained from knowing that, once again it's his fault. He's upset because he can't do anything about Jungkook getting slapped, all he can do is sit frozen with wide eyes as he watches Jungkook fume but not doing anything either.

He watches an angry tear slide down Jungkook's face as his father snarls in disgust.

"You're a disgrace. A disgusting nothing. Giving up everything and becoming with over a fucking _boy!? A nobody!"_

Jimin's feels unwanted, he feels more than hurt. He shouldn't be here yet he can't seem to move, he doesn't want to leave Jungkook but maybe that might be for the better. He doesn't want to see Jungkook get hurt again and maybe his father won't hurt Jungkook if he just leaves... but he knows if he does then Jungkook will never forgive him. Yet then why'd he tell him to call Jin? Jimin doesn't know everything is confusing and it hurts to even think right now because he just doesn't want to do anything wrong but--

"And you!"

Jimin's eyes widen as Jungkook's father suddenly points his way. He's trembling again, eyes filled with tears as Jungkook's father stares at him in hate.

Yet before he can say anything Jungkook's hand is grabbing his father's tightly.

"Don't. Don't you _dare_ say anything _to_ him."

Jimin feels his heart stop as he watches Jungkook's father heave in fury, pulling his hand away as he looks at his son who's glaring at him with no sense of fear in his eyes whatsoever.

"Him!? You're giving up everything for him?! A nobody! A disgusting piece of filth that came from the spawn of druggies!?"

Jimin tries not to wince at that but it digs deep, it hurts so bad and reminds him of the time he along with his wife were belittling him, _knowing_ he was right behind, trailing heart brokenly.

He hears Jungkook say lowly, head down. "Shut up."

He's clearly furious, he's trying to hold his composure as his fists and shoulders shake but it's clearly hard as his father continues.

"Me shut up?! Who have you become?! Telling your own father that raised and made you _somebody_ to shut up!?"

"Shut up," Jungkook's voice is growing louder, more agitated, more angered.

"Over a nobody?! Look at how weak minded you've become over a _nobody! YOU ARE NOBODY NOW SON! ALL BECAUSE OF HIM!"_

"SHUT UP!" Jungkook roars, finally breaking and Jimin feels like his heart is going to fall out of his chest as his tears finally slip.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

Jungkook is in his father's face and Jimin is holding his breath hoping things wont escalate physically.

"Jungkook?" Jimin calls wearily, the same time another figure walks into the room.

Jungkook's mother. She looks tired, Jimin notices both of Jungkook's parents look tired and he guesses they must've driven here instead of sleeping.

She looks the same -- unlike Jungkook's father who's aged a bit and is starting to bald probably from stress -- banged, blunt cut shoulder length dark hair and those doe blank emotionless eye that Jungkook has took down from.

She takes in the sight and what's happening immediately and Jimin watches her usual blank eyes widen in surprise.

Then they land on him and she stares for a moment before looking back at her husband and son.

"Yah. Cut it out. Jungkook ah."

Jungkook forces himself to glance away from his dad who humphs as if he's won something and then goes to back up, sending Jimin daggers yet finally he's quiet if only for a moment.

Jungkook stares at his mother and she's seems to already be eyeing his crazed eyes knowingly.

"As I expected your temper has only gotten worse... yet even so you're holding back. Why? Are you scared you'll frighten your friend?" She questions without so much as even glancing once at Jimin who swallows anyways, avoiding Jungkook's father's gaze.

"He's not my friend," Jimin feels his heart stop at that. "He's--"

"He's what?! Jungkook I swear to god--"

"Sh. Let him speak."

Jungkook doesn't break under his mother's strong gaze and Jimin faintly thinks to himself that that's where Jungkook got his looks from definitely.

"He's more than a friend, he's everything to me and he'll never judge me like you two do."

Jimin feels better with those words and his nerves begin to calm immediately.

"I have yet to judge you. I'm just trying to understand this whole situation and what you've become being here and if that's the reason why you're holding back?" His mother speaks calmly holding Jungkook's gaze as his father rolls his eyes.

"I'm being myself for once and I'm holding back because he's not worth my time."

"Your father? The one who raised you? Trained you for days on end? Isn't worth your time but this _boy_ is?"

"His name is _Jimin_ and he's worth _everything!_ Father could never compare and I won't let neither of you judge me so if that's what you came to do then you might as well leave because you won't change my mind or how I feel and I'm definitely not going anywhere with you," Jungkook directs the last of his icy words to his father who enrages even more.

"I'm not letting you brainwash me again."

"Brainwash?! You think we've brainwashed you?! If anything that's what you need after being with this boy!" He's pointing at Jimin again and Jimin physically becomes smaller.

_Is he really that disgusting?_

"You're sick! Being out here and away from us has made you both sick and weak!" Jungkook father shouts unbelievingly.

"Being away from you has made me my own person! I can finally be myself and I'm going to make a name for myself without you and you can call me a nobody all you want to and I won't care because I know I'm not. I know I don't need you to make something out of myself. I've already started and I'm definitely going somewhere. And in the end I'll be better than you, so much better," Jungkook says calmly, too calmly as his father silently rages again, eyes wide as he stares at his only son.

He begins cursing again, telling Jungkook that'll he be nothing without him yet Jungkook ignores him turning back towards Jimin who glances wearily at his watching parents before reaching for him.

Jungkook pulls him close by his hand and drags them towards his bedroom where his father screams for them to get out of the place he's renting out for Jungkook.

"If you don't need me then get out of my apartment! Leave! Now! You nobody!"

Jimin watches quietly as Jungkook quickly packs a few bags, still shaking as he wonders what will happen between them... what will Jungkook do? Where will Jungkook go if his father kicks him out?

"J-Jin hyung will let you stay with us Jungkook, I'm sure of it," Jimin nods, voice shaking as he put his phone in his own bag.

Jungkook throws him a small, tight smile that doesn't reach at all and Jimin feels like he's breaking as he watches Jungkook blink furiously while packing his things.

His father is still shouting when Jimin hears a new voice.

Jin.

"Jimin? Jungkook?"

"And who are you?!" Jungkook's father demands and Jimin finds himself rushing out the room but halting before he actually exists. He turns back to Jungkook, bag tight in his arms.

Jungkook smiles, it's real this time, even with the tears finally streaming down his face. "Go with hyung, I'll see you soon I promise."

And Jimin did, only because he knows Jungkook isn't one for breaking promises.

*

*

*

"Of course he can stay here! Both of you are fully welcomed okay Jimin? You didn't even have to ask!"

Jimin cries more as Jin rubs his back.

"Yeah and I'll be here to help either of you if you guys need it," Namjoon adds. He had driven an anxious Jin to Jimin and decided not to leave until the two were okay.

Yoongi, Hoseok, and Taehyung luckily had things to do and Jimin's grateful because he doesn't want to worry them.

"Thank you guys..." Jimin mumbles, meaning it as he sits up and wipes his eyes.

"Okay lets eat breakfast. We all need some food in our systems right? Namjoon you'll stay for breakfast?" Jin smiles hopefully, with a blush and Namjoon returns it with a nod.

"Of course."

Breakfast is French toast that Jimin would've been excited to eat if it wasn't for the empty, worried hole in his heart.

He picks at his food and both Jin and Namjoon watch him worriedly.

Jimin has a big feeling Jungkook would lie to him yet he can't help but to worry.

_Jungkook wouldn't go back with them._

_Jungkook wouldn't leave him after saying all of that._

And for once his conscious is right, for once he doesn't let the evil thoughts of ' _yes he will, he'll leave'_ get to him, not as the sound of the front door opening has him jumping out of his seat and running, pulling in tired Jungkook, who's carrying all of his things, tightly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

Jungkook always reminds him of that and if Jungkook says so Jimin learns to believe it and he holds on tighter.

He never wants to let go and he doesn't have to because Jungkook hugs him back just as tightly and both Namjoon and Jin smiles at the sight.

"Welcome home," is what the wide shoulder man says with a bright smile and Jungkook feels it, he feels that maybe this might be it.

Wherever Jimin is... that's definitely his home too.

*  
  *

*

Getting accustomed to seeing Jungkook everyday is quite easy after they move all of the little things he's brought with him in.

Jungkook would agree. He's comfortable being here and surrounded by Jimin and Jin who always does their best to make him feel welcomed, especially Jin.

Jungkook tells him that he'll get a job soon and Jin just brushes him off and tells him that there's no need to rush and to make himself at home.

Taehyung and Hoseok were obviously quite worried when they found out that Jungkook's father kicked him out of his apartment. Yet Jungkook explained to them that he'd rather be here anyways and of course their worries died as they tackled Jungkook into a hug -- much to his dismay.

He's still getting used to being surrounded by people who care so much even about the littlest of things.

_Have you eaten Jungkook ah?_

_How was training? Are you sore? I'll massage you!_

_Jungkook make sure to drink a lot of water on your run!_

But he likes it. He never thought he would but he likes the feeling of being cared for _openly_ as if it's not a bad thing at all to show someone how you're feeling after all.

He likes that and Jimin tells him all the time that he's changing. Jungkook tells him the same. He tells him how strong he's becoming, how _himself_ he's becoming, how beautiful he's always _been._

Jimin feels like he's dreaming every single day he wakes up wrapped in Jungkook's arms. Every single time Jungkook kisses him or leaves the simplest comforting touch.

Every time Jungkook comes home from training with his teacher, Jin, or by himself, obviously tired yet he still gives Jimin a smile that makes him feel butterflies. It makes him feel loved and Jungkook holds him every night, and tells him he'll never get tired of him when Jimin can't help but to ask one night.

The night before he's due to go back to school. Jimin's weary, anxious, and overall scared. He's been practicing, posting videos again and Jin tells him he's still amazing along with the fan girls that explain that they've missed him in the comments yet even so Jimin will never know for sure until he's next to everyone else.

Jin tells him not to compare himself with anyone and Jungkook tells him he's perfect, Jin agrees.

He needs all the encouragement he can get and Taehyung and Hoseok pick him up the day of and tell him everything will be okay.

Jimin believes them until his first day goes horribly wrong in only the first 15 minutes and he's left crying, shaking on the floor of the bathroom before he could even dance.

He feels weak that he let the girls who went dead silent in shock upon his return, mock him and call him a whore though he knows he's not. He knows he's not so he ignored them and their whispers, he ignored the angry glare Mina sent his way as he she continued to spread lies about him in hopes that he'll turn back around and leave.

He doesn't and they continue to talk until Ms. B is shushing them sharply.

Jimin assumed she had felt remorse for him yet he learnt that she didn't as she went on about how dumb he was for taking off as much time as he did.

Jimin's face had fell and he tried to remind her that he was in the hospital so he couldn't come to class yet she didn't seem to care at all even though she knew exactly what he was in the hospital for. In fact she told him, right in front of everyone who hadn't known, that obviously since he tried to take his life then it must mean dance isn't so important to him after all.

Jimin felt everything in his tremble and tears filled his eyes immediately as everyone gaped at him and began to spread more rumors and lies.

They had no right, they had no right to know about that. The only people given rights to know about why he was in the hospital was the school and of course his teachers since he was taking time out of their classes yet even so she had no right to tell everyone about it.

Yet she did and the deed was done, everyone knew how truly weak he was and how easily they could corrupt him, especially Mina who smirks and tells a few girls, "Wow first a whore, now he's suicidal?"

Jimin broke immediately at those words and before he knew it he was out the door and running towards the bathroom, slamming a stall shut and crying hard.

He called Jin and for a moment he couldn't even speak, only gasping through his tears and eventually pouring out to the older that everyone hates him. He's so weak and everyone hates him.

Jin just sighs, _"Oh Jiminie..."_ and soon enough he's being picked him up and taken home.

Jin tries to treat him with ice cream to make him feel better and it works a little until he asks Jimin if he wants to talk about it and all it does is make him break down and cry again.

Jin just holds him and shushes Jimin every time he apologizes. Eventually Jimin falls asleep and it gives Jin the chance to text Taehyung and Hoseok who were freaking out because they couldn't find Jimin during break.

They skip their seconds classes just to be there with him and upon seeing them and their soft smiles, Jimin breaks down again.

He finally tells them all in shaky breaths that the teacher told his whole class that he tried to kill himself and now everyone thinks he's suicidal. He also tells them how there's a rumor going around in the class that he's a whore and once again he finds himself sobbing because he doesn't know why anything can't ever go his way.

They shush him and tell him encouraging words about how everything will be okay and that he's amazing, he's strong, and Jimin tries, he really tries to believe it all but he couldn't.

He couldn't stop the tears and eventually Jin stood saying that he was going up to the school immediately to file a complaint.

Eventually Jimin stops crying as Hoseok cradled his head in his lap and strokes his hair while Taehyung tells him about how much Ms. Lee said she misses him and hopes he's doing better.

Jimin had smiled at that and told them how he'd wish he could just drop out of ballet and just take Ms. Lee's class.

They told him he could, easily, and Jimin knows this but he's given an opportunity as the only boy to dance on a girls team and that's a lot to let go in his opinion.

They don't judge him for it and by the time Jin comes back he's smiling and telling them all it took was for an angry Jungkook to get her suspended from teaching for a few days.

Jimin looks up at Jungkook, who seems to be still trying to calm down, and he smiles softly.

He feels better instantly as Jungkook returns it.

*

  *

Jimin decides with the encouragement of his friends and Jungkook to go back to school the next day.

Jungkook tells him that he can't give them the satisfaction of winning and with that, the next day he's walking Jimin to class and kissing him breathlessly in front of everyone.

The girls are wide eyed when Jungkook pulls away and glares at them before leaving.

Jimin doesn't look at them, he rather not see their reactions as they begin to whisper. Instead he swallows hard and keeps his head high as he makes his way to the locker room with his bag in his hand.

He knows they're anticipating for him to break down again and he won't give them the satisfaction of doing so, not after Jungkook held him the night before all night and told him how perfect and strong he is.

Jimin had felt weak then, but now he feels much stronger and he wills himself not to break down again as he gets dressed.

He exits and avoids everyone's eyes as the substitute teacher introduces herself and tells them to stretch.

Jimin does and he tries not to listen yet he can't block out their whispers.

They seem to be different today and luckily he doesn't hear the sound of Mina's voice for some reason. Maybe she's out today? He's not sure, he doesn't look but he does finds himself listening to all the other girls without her guiding them.

_"I feel bad for talking about him now that I know he's suicidal."_

_"I know me too... should we apologize?"_

Another group of girls conversation catches his attention.

_"Can you believe that Jeon Jungkook is dating him?"_

_"I know! Who knew he was gay?"_

_"Well I had a feeling Jimin was but Jungkook wow, who knew he'd be into whores? Maybe I should've put myself out there more?"_

Jimin hears a scoff and he wants to see the faces of the two girls that are talking yet he doesn't want them to stop once they realize he hears them so he just continues stretching.

_"If he's gay I doubt he'd date you and also I doubt that thee Jeon Jungkook would date a whore."_

_"But Mina said Jimin was Taeyang's whore, you remember Taeyang right? The music major--"_

_"Yes I remember! And we don't even know that for sure. We shouldn't believe her anyways, I heard she's dating Taeyang anyways and guess what?"_

_"Really?! Wah, what?"_

_"He's in jail."_

_"For what? Pimping Jimin?"_

_"No!"_ One of the girls groan and begins to talk lower, luckily Jimin still hears. " _For beating him and making him attempt to commit suicide. I heard from one of Taeyang's friends, this guy I've been seeing Minho--"_

_"The one that lost against Jeon Jungkook for cheating."_

_"Yes that one,"_ Jimin hears one of the girls say almost grumbling. " _We were high and he_ _starting telling me about how he missed his best friend who was in jail and I was like oh my god, what's he in jail for and he told me that his best friend was Taeyang and guess what? Him and Jimin use to date--"_

_"No way..."_

_"Yes, and he told me they use to live together and everything and apparently Taeyang use to be really fucked up to Jimin and that's why'd he always come to class all bruised up--"_

_"No... omg I feel so bad now."_

_"Yeah me too. Apparently he's the reason why Jimin tried to kill himself, to get away from him_ **_not_ ** _because he's a whore."_

_"Well we still don't know that--"_

_"I do. I doubt Minho would lie about that, he started crying and everything."_

Jimin almost gasps at that.

_"Wah really? What'd you do? That must've been awkward, right?"_

_"Well... I didn't know what to do because we literally had just had sex and were smoking weed when he started crying. I was frozen and he was just ranting and then he told me how he talked to Taeyang and apparently he felt so bad, they both did. Minho because he watched it happen a few times and I guess he was regretting it."_

_"Wahhh... when did this happen?"_

_"Two days ago."_

_"Omg I feel so bad. We should apologize to Jimin ya know for judging him without knowing the truth?"_

_"I doubt he'd forgive us. This whole class treats him like shit."_

Jimin swallows hard at those words from one of the girls and he decides to finally look back and see who was talking.

_Who knew the truth._

He recognizes one of the girls Jisoo, as one of Mina's little followers who he often hears talking about him and the other girl Jennie, the one who knew, as someone who he never really took notice of because she really never ever bullied him.

They both meet his eyes and Jimin can't help but to glance away, cheeks hot with embarrassment because they now know that he was listening.

He quickly realizes what he did and how not strong it was and so he therefore forces himself to look back and offer a thankful, gentle smile. He doesn't expect either of them to return it yet Jennie actually does, offering a wave as well and Jimin feels like he wants to cry from all the overwhelming feelings he's suddenly feeling.

Luckily he doesn't and instead waves back, catching eyes with Jisoo who's smiling now too, seeming kind of surprised that Jimin nods as if accepting her apology.

Jimin takes note of the other girls watching and taking in their little interaction with confused eyes.

They begin to whisper again yet Jimin easily ignores them as Jennie walks up to him and offers to be his stretching buddy, Jisoo hesitatingly in toe.

Jimin finds himself accepting with a nod and a smile.

"You know you don't have to be nice to me because you feel bad..." he tells them timidly as they stretch and Jennie is the first to speak, smiling gently as she shrugs once.

"We know. But you haven't done anything wrong for anyone to mistreat you either and I'm sorry everyone does. I promise that'll change soon. Right Jisoo?"

"Right," Jisoo smiles and it seems genuine enough that Jimin believes her.

Soon enough it does. Everyone knows the truth and Jimin is elated, going home and telling everyone then coming to class only the next day and everyone is throwing him smiles and waves and -- overall he's shocked at how quickly one persons good word could spread.

He's overjoyed yet that only lasts for a moment before Mina is walking in and everyone is now glaring at her.

Jimin can't help but to feel bad because he's not an evil person nor petty. He doesn't want anyone to have to go through what he went through -- Mina, who's done some of the worst to him, included.

He doesn't want anyone to feel what he's felt.

"What? Why are you guys so quiet?" Mina scoffs, watching everyone stretch in silence as they glare at her.

"Yah did I do something?" She then asks and a few girls snort, Jennie who's beside Jimin stretching, included.

Jisoo can't look at her once best friend and surprisingly as Jimin expected her to ignore him and run straight back to her, she doesn't. She doesn't glance Mina's way once as she also helps Jimin stretch, bright smile on her face as she coos over his small hands which causes him to giggle and blush.

Mina takes notice fast and narrows her eyes at the sight of her best friend and Jimin. Jimin swallows tightly, smile dropping as she humphs to herself then walks away to get dressed.

Jennie simply tells him to ignore her and he does -- or at least he tries to but it's quite hard to do so when she's practically glaring holes into his head.

The day goes by easy enough though, Jimin caught up luckily on techniques he had missed and was actually helping lots of the girls with stated techniques!

"Wah Jimin oppa it's like you never left! You're amazing at triple spins! Ms. B will be so happy to see you still dance the same!" Jisoo exclaims happily to him, clapping, and he smiles sheepishly as Jennie and a few other girls nod in agreement.

"I doubt it... she doesn't really like me."

Mina who's in the front of the class stretching her leg against a bench snorts.

"Nobody does."

Jimin frowns, trying not to let her words get to him as his new found friends make disgusted faces.

Jennie snaps. "You're such a dick Mina. You're just jealous of Jimin because nobody likes _you--"_

"Me jealous of him?" Mina scoffs, laughing as she points from herself to Jimin. "Why would I be jealous of someone like him? He's _nothing_ compared to _me_ and I can care less if none of you like me, I'm better than you all and Ms. B _loves_ me."

Jennie rolls her eyes and waves her off, apparently not wanting to bother with arguing.

"Don't listen to her Jimin, she's just bitter," Jennie says and Jimin tries to smile but it doesn't reach.

"Yeah don't listen to her. We all like you and you're so much better than her," Jisoo nods yet Jimin can't find himself to believe it even as he thanks them both kindly.

Mina is right. Compared to her he's _nothing._ She's gorgeous, stunningly tall with long _skinny_ limbs, pretty smooth skin that's pure of any imperfections, obsessed over features -- she has it all, and he has none of that with his shorter, manly limbs, lithe yet obviously male features and shape, flawed skin that forces him to wear foundation just to make himself feel better.

Usually it works, him working on his flaws work but once he compares himself to any pretty girl, especially someone like Mina who's not only gorgeous but an extremely exceptional dancer, everything he's felt that was good about himself just goes to shit.

Everything hurts all over again and it's like he's going backwards, all the progress he's made has disappeared and he's back to square one. This is what happens in recovery he knows, you start over and you try again but he's so sick of _trying again --_ he's so sick of starting over.

But he feels like shit, he can't deny it her words make him feel like shit, they make him feel like _nothing_ all over _again_ and that scares him so much. He doesn't want to feel like that again, he doesn't want anyone to and the fact that Mina, who should know how he's felt is the one saying such things to him _hurts_. It's hurts because not only does he feel bad about himself but he still feels bad about her too. He still feels bad that everyone is treating her bad even when she still treats him badly herself and that say so much about him.

 _So much good_ about him yet once he's compared to someone as beautiful looking as Mina it's like he can't see anything good about himself.

He wants to cry in frustration because why does he feel like this?! Yet he ignores it or he tries to, Jennie and Jisoo can tell something is up and when it's time to get leave class everything he's feeling becomes worse as Mina comes in on him in the locker room getting dressed after all the girls have finished and left and it's finally his turn.

His eyes are wide as she struts towards him after making sure no one saw her come in.

He's only gotten his sweater on and he clenches his bag to hide himself as he hopes she'd leave or Taehyung and Hoseok would come and look for him.

"Hahaha, so you think since you've turned everyone against me things are good now right? You think just because you got Taeyang sent away that things are better for yourself--"

"No what are you talking about? I haven't-- I-I didn't do anything--"

"Fucking liar!" Mina pushes him into the wall and he clenches his eyes shut to stop the sudden tears as his head hits the wall and he's triggered by all the sudden memories of Taehyung beating him. "Everyone hates me now and it's all because you! You're nothing! You're just a little whore faggot that's obsessed with being pretty but you'll _never_ be that. You'll _never_ be pretty, or the best dancer here. You'll _never_ be a girl or even as graceful as one. You'll _never_ be as good as me no matter what you do and I'll make sure of that. You were better off in the hospital. In fact you should've just killed yourself when you had the chance because no one really cares about you. They all just feel bad for you."

"Nobody needs you here, so you should just leave and lose some weight while you're at it, looks like you're getting fat again."

Mina smiles scornfully as she takes her leave, leaving Jimin to slide onto floor, body shaking as he tries not to cry.

He bites his lip hard as tears fall down his face when he looks down at the small barely there gut he's before, happily grown even though he still felt self conscious over it.

Jungkook always kisses and holds it and his friends always tell him to eat more, they all tell him he's beautiful, _you look so good Jimin, so happy._

 _"Jimin eat more,"_ they say and he does, because it makes not only them happy but him happy yet now, _now_ as he looks down at himself and up at the mirror across from him in the locker room.

He does feels _fat._ He's not even fully back to his healthy weight and yet he feels gross, he hates this sight of his barely there progress and it scares him because for once he finds himself missing how he used to look because that was the only time Mina couldn't call him fat, _when he was skin and bones._

And for the first time in months... he finds himself hovering over the nearest toilet, with his finger down his throat, hating himself once again for giving in so easily.

Hating himself for caring about what people, who obviously don't care about him, think.

He can't even look at himself in the mirror and he doesn't want to. He feels guilty and he regrets it right afterwards and even right when he started and felt the hot acid scold his tongue.

He goes and finds his friends afterwards and immediately they sense something is wrong with him after they see how pale he is. Yet he gives them the biggest, brightest most forceful smile he can manage, throat burning, when they ask if he's okay and he responds, voice croaky that he is.

Taehyung and Hoseok share a look with each other yet believe that he's okay anyways as they go to their next class dance with Ms. Lee.

Jimin loves the class, he really does. Everyone's always happy, Ms. Lee is so sweet, he's surrounded by his best friends and he doesn't get scolded when he does a move wrong and overall he feels free here and the class is fun... but not when he feels like he's about to pass out.

"Hey Jiminie are you okay?" Taehyung eventually asks him during break, after noticing him waver on his feet more than once.

Hoseok eyes him carefully and he finds himself not being able to look the other in his knowing eyes as he nods and hold his throbbing head.

"Yeah I'm just dizzy. I guess I'm still getting used to dancing so much?"

Taehyung and Hoseok don't look so sure about his response but nod anyways.

"Okay did you eat breakfast this morning and drink something? Water?"

Jimin nods, definitely not telling them about how all of it went down a toilet drain just thirty minutes before.

Hoseok frowns. "Did you get enough sleep?"

Taehyung giggles. "Jungkook didn't keep you up did he?"

Jimin feels his face flush even though he and Jungkook haven't really done anything other than kissing, frotting and quick hand jobs since the incident with Jungkook's parents. "No... he actually stayed working out last night. His next competition is soon."

Hoseok nods, eyebrows furrowing. "Ah well you didn't wait up for him did you? You know you don't have to worry about him--"

"I know, I didn't- I didn't wait up for him, I trust him... and I slept well last night."

Jimin doesn't want to lie to them anymore than he needs to so he tells them the truth. He does trust Jungkook  and he did sleep... pretty good the night before.

"Then why do you feel dizzy? Maybe you need some more food in your system? Well go to lunch after class," Taehyung offers and Jimin immediately declines, waving his arm before realizing what he's doing.

"No it's fine! I mean..."

Hoseok immediately senses it, eyes narrowing as Taehyung looks at him with his own confused wide eyes.

"I mean I think..."

"Jimin... please don't tell me--"

"I'm okay really! Hobi hyung I promise I'm okay. Maybe I just need to leave early and go rest?"

"Yeah... okay," Hoseok nods, still eyeing him until he finally sighs.

Taehyung doesn't say anything, instead face blank and arms to his sides as both him an Hoseok watch Jimin grab his bag and tells Ms. Lee he feels unwell before leaving.

Things only get worse from this point on.

Mina abuses him with her words everyday, sometimes even going as far as to putting her hands on him and Jimin lets her, he can't find it in him to do anything about it when she threatens she'll tell everyone he touched her.

Ms. B has come back and no doubt about it, she's angry. She holds a grudge on Jimin and though she doesn't bring up Jin or Jungkook she takes out what they did to her on Jimin by making him redo every technique over and over until he's sore and other classmates are getting scolded for telling her he's doing it absolutely perfectly.

"Redo it! That spin was unacceptable, if you want to dance in the competition you'll need to do better. Mina show him!"

"But Ms. B he did great!" Jennie had intervened yet Ms. B hadn't wanted to hear any of it.

"Silence! Mina show him how to do it properly! If you want to dance with all girls you will dance with grace as if _you're a girl!"_

Of course Mina is graceful and good at every technique. She dances with skill and Jimin knows she very passionate about this as well. He often wonders if that's why she hates him so much.

She smiles smugly and Jimin lets out a shaky breath as he tries the technique after her and almost tumbles from nervousness. Ms. B scolds him until he's left in the back in a corner with his eyes full of unshed tears and everyone staring at him in pity.

Nonetheless he tries again; over and over until he finally gets it right and his toes are bruised and bloody and he can't hide his limping from Jungkook when they walk home after school together that day.

He demands to see Jimin's feet right after they get back to Jin's and Jimin's throat tightens as he pulls off his shoes and reveals his bloody socks with a wince. Jin gasps -- after questioning what's wrong over and over -- at the sight of his actual feet and Jungkook's jaw tightens as he tells Jimin that he needs to take better care of himself and learn how to stop on his accords, not anyone else's, then proceeds to go and run Jimin a bath and afterwards massage his feet.

Jimin had been grateful and tried his best to assure them that he's fine even when he's not. Everything hurts like hell yet he can't stop, competitions are soon and Ms. B had told them there would be scouts, dancing scouts looking for students to manage and work with.

It'd be a great chance for Jimin to get known for what he loves and make good money.

Jimin wants to win and to do that he has to at least manage a good, _graceful_ spin.

Sadly even that's hard for him when there's so much pressure for him to do it well and Mina is telling him how much he sucks, how ungraceful he is, how he'll _never_ be as good as _her._

And once again he's back to the nearest toilet and soon enough everyone is noticing. He's not eating as much anymore either and of course Jin is the first to notice _that_.

It was only them two at dinner that night, Taehyung and Hoseok were at their dorm catching up on sleep and Jungkook was training.

Jimin had been picking at his food for a good five minutes when Jin took notice.

"Hey you love fried rice what's wrong?"

"Ah I don't know I guess I'm just not hungry."

Jimin didn't want to lie yet he did, he was starving after classes yet he couldn't bring himself to eat so instead he lied and of course Jin noticed, Jin always notices.

He scoffed playfully. "Not hungry? But you're always hungry after dance, something's not right what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just don't have an appetite today hyung. That's all..."

Jin had frowned. "Well that's odd... did something happen at school? Did you eat lunch already?"

"No nothing happened. School's been... good. I get along with mostly everyone."

Everyone had been happy for him when he told them excitedly during dinner that no one hates him. Jungkook was smiling because of how happy he seemed but that night as they cuddled in bed he let it be known that he still hated everyone in Jimin's class, _especially that Minhoe girl._ Jimin had laughed as he corrected him, _Mina Jungkookie... and don't hate her, hating people won't make us any better._ Jungkook had told him he was absolutely right then proceeded to kiss him over and over until he was giggling.

"Mostly?"

"Well I can't force everyone to like me hyung."

"Hm, true well they don't bother you do they? Whoever still doesn't like you?"

"No," Jimin lies again. "And also that's probably it, I ate lunch today so I'm not hungry."

Jin had finally let it go after he said that and the few days afterwards, wearily, before eventually him not eating anything in four days other than a few bites at dinner concluded in him fainting during dance class with Ms. Lee.

She, other students, and especially Hoseok and Taehyung were beyond freaking out, gasping and crying and screaming that someone call an ambulance or the school nurse.

They called the school nurse before going as far as to calling an ambulance and she said he was dehydrated and definitely needed to get some food and water in his system once he woke up.

All Jimin remembered then was being carried by familiar arms and when he woke up he was in his bed, his throat filled with aching burns and mouth begging for water yet all he cared about was hearing them say the one thing he dreaded them finding out again.

"He hasn't been eating dinner..." it's Jin who's talking. "He'll take like two bites then say he's not hungry--"

"I fucking knew it!" Hoseok is speaking now and he's crying, Jimin hears Taehyung trying to shush him.

"I fucking knew it hyung," he sobs and Jimin's whole face falls as he sits up, finding even that hard to do.

He doesn't even notice Jungkook sitting on the floor against the wall silently, watching him carefully. It's like he barely sees the younger other than at night since he's always out bright in the morning to go train and doesn't get back until late since he's taken up a job on helping with training other students.

Jimin misses him and although Jungkook always comes back and hugs him it still doesn't feel like enough -- at least not when Jungkook holds him like he's scared he'll break.

Yeah... Jungkook was the first to notice him losing weight.

He came home one night late from training and all showered and smelling good and of course Jimin woke up out of his sleep wanting to cuddle.

Jungkook had held him tightly, pulling him close and allowing his hand to roam all over.

Everything was okay, everything was good and Jimin was comfortable with Jungkook's hand roaming up his back until that hand was then flat on his stomach and feeling every prodding hipbone and rib.

Jungkook had stilled as Jimin held his breath, waiting for him to say something.

For a while he didn't and Jimin assumed he was sleep until he opened his eyes, turned around and found Jungkook staring at him.

_"Jungkook--"_

_"You've lost weight."_

He had stated it so calmly that Jimin was scared to say anything.

_"I-I... well yeah since I've been dancing..."_

Jungkook didn't say anything after that and eventually Jimin thought he was upset and began to feel bad, his heart racing and panic attack coming in on 100 and only getting worse when Jungkook abruptly pulled away and left the room.

_"Jungkook?"_

Jimin had sat up scared Jungkook was leaving or something yet instead Jungkook had came back in less than four minutes with a cup of ramen and a water.

Jimin had stared at him with wide eyes when the taller hovered over him with the items, looking at him expectedly yet wordlessly.

Jimin had took the ramen from him and embarrassingly ate it slowly before devouring it without shame since he was so hungry and it was _so good._

It had been the first full meal Jimin had since he stopped eating and the last since he's fainted.

He remembers how good the warmth felt in his belly and the way Jungkook had met his eyes when he finished and glanced up wearily -- sheepishly.

He knew Jungkook knew yet he hadn't wanted to acknowledge it and Jungkook knew he didn't so he didn't say anything and as he then rehanded Jimin the water. Jimin felt so grateful for him and the fact that Jungkook still held him afterwards even though he knew.

He knew that Jimin was starving himself and instead of degrading him for it or making him feel bad for it, he helped in the only way he knew best.

Silently.

Just like now. He doesn't say anything as he stands and hold his hand out for Jimin to grab.

Jimin takes it, body shaking uncontrollably from being deprived and everything only gets worse when he forces himself out of the bed and out of the room with Jungkook on shaky legs and everyone is staring at him. He feels like more of a sacred object rather than a human yet he still manages to give a sheepish small smile.

"I-I'm sorry," he's crying before he realizes it and Jin's the closest to pull him into his arms.

"It's okay, Jimin ah, it's okay."

And Jimin learns that it is. It is okay. He learns that this is him still recovering and he's surrounded by the bestest people while doing so.

They don't judge him and even though its it's hard to cope with them watching his every move, watching him eat and rubbing his back after his first attempting of doing it again doesn't work, he knows it's okay.

He trusts them and he tries again.

He tries to fights the cycle, he tries fights the negativity that has swarmed back into his head, he tries fights the disgust he feels when he looks in the mirror yet it doesn't work initially and he ends up breaking down once again until only Jungkook holding him can make him feel better.

Eventually he gets back up, he's eating again, he's ignoring the voices, only for it to just all become too much again during competition.

He's allowed to dance with the girls, Ms.B surprised him with a leading role in fact -- right after scolding him so he was actually more than surprised, in fact on the verge of tears.

At that point they were happy tears though and even Mina threatening him to do well, practice, and lose weight couldn't make him feel bad he was so happy.

Everyone was excited for him especially Jungkook's who had recently won his second match easily. All his extreme practicing worked off well and he was feeling smug, knowing that his parents were watching somewhere. He had called them winners though, he and Jimin, and Jimin had giggled telling him that they still had so much to go left, especially him who hadn't even performed yet and probably wasn't going to win.

He had spoke the last bit in a sad mumble and Jungkook had just frown telling him to think positively and then he kissed him once, briefly yet sweet, then told them he'd still be his winner regardless.

Jimin had shyly told him the same and his heart hadn't stopped fluttering since.

It's probably more nervous than anything now seeing as Ms. B hasn't been easy on them, screaming at any little wrong thing and making Jimin cry so much that it's gotten to the point where he's had to take a break from his second class just to practice for the upcoming contest.

He's been overworking himself for sure but he knows it'll all be worth it -- or at least he keeps telling himself that.

Mina is still bullying him, even more now that that the competition is arriving. Everyday she tells him the same things, _be more graceful, lose more weight, you look too fat, too manly_ and eventually, on the day of the competition when they were practicing their solo parts one last time, Jimin breaks and he has to remind her that he _is a man._

"Well what do you expect!? I am a man! I'm bigger than most girls and I'm not ashamed about it because it's normal! That's just how boys work compared to girls! I can't help that!"

He felt so good about it and himself -- he actually smiled big and bright in the mirror today after eating a big breakfast prepared by Jin just for this special occasion of his.

It's weird, he thinks, how recovery works. One moment you're at your highest and nothing can overcome you -- that was Jimin this morning, although extremely nervous he was sure after all his extensive practice he had definitely got the whole dance down and he was more proud than anything --  then you're at your lowest in a heartbeat and thinking that everything would be fine makes you feel more than being stupid.

Jimin feeling confident as he screams those words to her backfires and she smirks, scoffing as she makes her way closer to him in the secluded practice area.

"But you don't want it either."

"What do you even mean?" Jimin had cried in agony, he just wanted to practice!

"I mean do you think anyone out here is looking to scout a man that looks like a pig and wishes he where a girl?"

"I don't wish I were a girl..." Jimin frowns. Sure maybe if he were a girl his goals of becoming an known ballet dancer would be easier because let's face it girls are more recognized for their skills than guys in this industry that is downed by society towards guys... and okay! Maybe he does find himself comparing how better a girls body is to his often but that was in the past, he hasn't done it recently surprisingly and he has only been working on getting healthy and strong so that he won't faint. He hadn't even forced himself to throw up nor starve himself with the help of his friends and he actually feels quite great about it so Mina's words don't hurt him. He's starting to like himself.

 _"Jimin oppa you look so pretty! Almost like a girl!"_ Mina mocks in Jisoo and Jennie's voices of what they said to him after he had gotten his makeup done to make him appear more feminine and his hair styled delicately.

Jimin remembers smiling happily at their words because of how cute they were not because of the effect they had. Yes he felt pretty, but he doesn't think there's anything wrong with boys who like to feel pretty more than they like to feel handsome and he's glad he has new accepting friends like Jisoo and Jennie who don't mind him enjoying feeling like that, along with the other girls who cooed at him and his own friends who flooded him with self encouraging texts after he sent them selfies.

All the responses made him feel pretty and good about himself but the one that made him feel _beautiful_ was Jungkook's.

_From: Jungkook_

_You're so beautiful, how did I ever get so lucky to have the most beautiful person ever as my boyfriend? I can't wait to see you._

Boyfriend.

 _Boyfriend!_ Jungkook's had called him his boyfriend and Jimin was so beyond elated that he felt invincible! He felt like nothing could ruin the way he was feeling on this night yet Mina, this girl who hates him for _absolutely no reason_ finds every single thing he's sensitive about and uses it to make him feel like shit.

"The way you smiled when they said that... haha how pathetic. You truly want to be girl yet you'll never be that even if you look like one. You'll never be me... so you might as well not even perform because I'm gonna win, we both know my performance will beat if not everyone's, definitely yours, so you might as well give up now," she spitted, meaning for every word to hurt and they did.

Jimin couldn't even look her in the eyes, he felt so weak. It was like him with Taeyang all over again just even more sad seeing as Mina is a girl -- a girl that Jimin just doesn't understand! He doesn't understand why she hates him so much!? Why she wants to me him feel miserable when he was finally getting better...

Jimin just wanted her to leave -- leave him alone so he could cry and luckily Ms. B interrupts.

"Are you two preparing?! We go out next! Get out there with the rest of the girls and do a run over!"

Mina throws him one last glare, bun tight and makeup fierce as she sashays her way away, leaving him to compose himself.

"Jimin ah."

Jimin's head snaps up and he immediately tries to push back the cry stuck in his throat as Ms. B eyes him carefully, her slits narrowed and knowing.

"What's going on between you two?"

Jimin shakes his head. "Nothing... Mina was just telling me not to mess up..."

Jimin doesn't know why he lied... maybe so that the situation wouldn't worsen? Or maybe so that he wouldn't be a bother if he told the truth.

He doesn't know... yet it doesn't matter because Ms. B is looking at him as if she knows everything, as if she can see right through him.

"Is that so?" She asks and though it sounds sarcastically rhetorical, Jimin nods anyways.

"Well... you should already know not to mess up. I'm trusting that you'll do well seeing as if you don't I'm not going to be wasting anymore of my time teaching you and you'll be sent back to the boys department."

Jimin feels his breath stop at those words and now every single bone in him is aching to do well. Sure he wanted to do well before yet now he wants to do exceptionally well seeing as his spot on the girls team is at risk.

He's nervous and worried even though Ms. B has been intensively training him for his solo part and he's cried almost everyday now because so.

Yet he's ready, and though he's nervous and aches to throw up he wills himself not to, _he won't go backwards._

Though he's hurting he feels confident, his friends and _boyfriend_ thought he looked beautiful and he wants to be that without doing things that'll make them think otherwise -- that'll worry them. He'll show the dance and he'll forget Mina's words and he'll be beautiful -- he'll feel beautiful and he'll dance even more so, seeing as the song he's been given relates to his life on more than one occasion.

He's blossoming, he's supposed to be a swan -- or in other words show the process of a withered little duckling , _himself,_ growing into this marvelous masterpiece of a white swan.

He knows how to decipher it well, or so Ms. B tells him he does yet _more emotion, I know this relates to you Jimin so show more emotion! Show how you overcame that time in the hospital! Show how you've grown!_

It was just them when she told him that and that time she hadn't meant to be rude, he knew she hadn't. She truly just wanted him to make the song about himself yet she didn't quite know exactly what Jimin had to overcome in that time and what's he's still challenging now.

It's not easy to overcome psychological issues, or even worse an eating disorder. Not when he's surrounded by skinny girls who think they're fat and the leading girl who always tells him that he _is._

It's so hard not to do anything about her words, it's so hard to ignore the eyes of his friends or even worse Jungkook watching him go to the bathroom and standing outside the door to make sure he doesn't do anything. It's hard to blossom from that -- _those feelings_ yet he even so he nods to Ms. B. He'll try, he'll pretend, and maybe in the end it'll seem real.

Him getting better will be real, not a cycle of I think -- it'll be I am getting better, not _I think._

"Okay... I understand. I'll do well."

Ms. B gives a pursed lip. "Yes. Don't let me down and remember emotion. Exactly how you showed me yesterday and maybe someone just might scout you. Don't let that go to your head though, and don't overthink it either because it's mostly unlikely but maybe. Still have hope."

Jimin nods again, wondering how he could have hope when she literally said it's unlikely.

She doesn't seem too sure that he'll get scouted just based on the way she stares at him. Jimin's all too familiar with those eyes, they're filled with pity, unlike when she looks at Mina eyes full of pride, and that's not what he wants.

If he doesn't get scouted then he'll probably just try again at their next competition and then if it still doesn't work he'll fully switch back over to contemporary dance rather than ballet next semester.

He's already thinking about doing so sadly seeing as even he, himself doesn't think he'll get scouted.

He tries not to think about that though just like Ms. B told him not to and instead heads towards the other backstage room, passing other competitors who stare at him oddly because he's the only boy in a girls competition.

He arrives and the other girls are practicing. Mina glares at him from her spot in the front but he ignores her, he has no space in his mind to think about her, as he steps in and carries on with them.

They practice diligently until they're stopped for touch ups and in that moment Jimin nervousness reaches a peak and suddenly he finds himself in the bathroom trying to calm down, trying not to do what his body aches to do -- trying not to give in -- yet he's not alone. Someone else is in the bathroom and they're doing exactly what Jimin is forcing himself not to.

It's Mina.

She staggers out the stall wiping her mouth and as she makes eye contact with Jimin hers seem to widen then instantly they're sharpen.

Jimin's not judging her though, he _can't,_ not when he initially came to do the same.

"What? Don't look at me like that! Don't act like you've never done the same," she had growled and Jimin just stared at her in pity, barely realizing how small she actually was and how what shes doing finally makes sense.

Mina was literally pale skin and bones and as Jimin stared at her he realized how much weight she's lost in the past weeks and how many times she must've done this to get to how she looks now.

This must be a regular thing for her too and even though he knows how uncomfortable the feeling feels, the feeling of everyone looking at you so sadly, he can't help it. He can't help but to look at her because she reminds him of himself and how he use to do this as if it was necessary.

In this moment it finally and forever hits him that it's not. He doesn't need to do this, ever again, and nobody does yet he's happy nonetheless that he came in, in this moment because Mina doesn't look good at all.

"You know... you don't have to do that Mina--"

"Oh shut up! Don't act like you know me! Don't act like you understand what I go through to be the best! I have to get scouted and like I said _nobody_ is going to scout a pig so while you're judging me, you might as well do the same."

All too soon she's gone, pale face and staggering bony legs and Jimin finds himself looking in the mirror. He's been doing it a lot lately, especially after he's had a recent phone call with Dr. Young who Jin has been idly speaking to about him.

They had spoke about how he's been and he broke down to her about the cycles he keeps going through and how tired of them he is and she had to remind him that that is what happens in recovery and he had simply told her he knows that but it's hard, _it's so hard Dr. Young I-I just I'm sick of it! I want to be better already--_

_"Jimin I know it's hard but you have to be patient okay? It takes time and I know you can do it okay? I believe in you, everyone does. Everyone but you."_

She had told him once again that he has to keep on believing in himself because eventually it'll get better and if he stops believing before that happens then he'll never know how better feels.

She told him to look in the mirror, and he had been confused for a moment before remembering the times at the hospital, the therapeutic sessions they had.

_"What do you see, tell me only the good, what good do you see in yourself?"_

At first he couldn't think of anything in that moment and she simply told him to call back the next day and tell him at least one thing and he did after randomly getting sudden complements on all his features from his friends.

 _"Jimin have I ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?"_ Jin had spoke seriously right after he came out of the bathroom and all Jimin could do was sputter, cracking out a breathless laugh.

 _"Yah Jiminie you have such pretty skin,"_ Hoseok had chided to him the next day after Jin, leaving him blushing and declining, saying that he really didn't.

_"Seriously Jimin ah you have a great butt!"_

Jimin had giggled at Taehyung's words during Ms. Lee's class, smacking his arm as he continued stretching.

Then Jungkook as he held him tightly that night, taking every breath he had with every thrust in the moonlight.

_"You're so fucking gorgeous."_

He had been stroking his hair out of his face and Jimin remembers how he hid in Jungkook's chest at those words, naked thighs quivering as Jungkook thrusted in him slowly, opening him up just right and he tried his best to keep his voice down, biting his lip every time he cried out in order not to disturb a snoring Jin.

It was no use though as he held Jungkook tighter for the stronger to only grab both his hands in one and hold his face gently with the other, lifting him up so their eyes would meet along with their lips as Jungkook kissed him softly.

 _"You'll realize one day,"_ he had said through the kiss and Jimin hadn't believed him, being too preoccupied with the delicious tightness in his stomach to do so then, but that doesn't mean he didn't try to later.

He had known Dr. Young asked them to help him feel better about himself yet even so he knew his friends were not doing it just to help him but just because they wanted to.

They always tried their best to make Jimin feel good about himself and eventually Jimin started taking their words and believing them.

Everyday he's been looking in the mirror and after four days he finally told Dr. Young.

_"I guess my eyes are pretty unique."_

_"You guess? Well think again, they're absolutely stunning."_

He hadn't even realized Jungkook was behind him and those words were all it took for his I guesses to turn into his beliefs.

Soon enough he was easily finding good qualities about himself and as he looked in the mirror now and saw himself, none of Mina's words could make him think differently.

He was blossoming, finally and she couldn't change that, nobody could and he'd show her, he'd show everyone that he's strong -- that he's beautiful.

She won't make him feel like shit anymore.

He was tired of feeling like shit -- like nothing, and tonight he'd be something. He'd be everything.

_He'd blossom._

Jimin smiled to himself, a real bright smile as as he took himself in one last time before heading out the bathroom.

Soon enough his group was getting called to perform and everything was going by in a flash.

He thinks he hears his friends cheering for him but he's not sure once the lights goes dim and the dramatic music starts all he can worry about is him doing well and feeling the music.

The girls make a few mistakes Jimin notices yet he doesn't think they're big enough for anyone else to and so he only tries to worry about himself and not about them or how many eyes are on him seeing as he _is_ the only boy and obviously not wearing a tutu as he dances in the corner.

They overall do really well and the song is pretty ironic, its about the ugly duckling, Jimin, and the beautiful swan, Mina, who gangs all the other swans against him.

They clearly decided on this dance before everyone found out the truth and of course Jimin didn't want to do it because of the simple fact it's quite fucked up... but yet even so it's relatable towards his life and overall, it's just a dance so he went with it without argument. Not only that... but no one would listen to him anyways if he where to argue then so _it's just a dance Jimin, just a dance._

A dance that means so much and relates to what he went through, but a dance nonetheless.

So he pretends to be this ugly duckling that's always left dancing in the dark and alone and he tries to remember times where he's felt like that and it's really quite easy because not too long ago, he _was_ the ugly duckling.

Nobody talked to him, everyone glared at him in disgust and hated him and though they're only acting now it still brings back memories of the past and how they use to really feel about him --especially when one pair of eyes that still feel the same way.

Mina.

He knows she's not acting as he cowers in his part of the dance and she sneers at him, eyes dark and all the other girls turning and spinning behind her and giving the illusion of them ganging up on him.

She truly hates him and though they're dancing and she's doing her solo now she doesn't hide the fact. The concept only gives her a better reason to do so and she does it well. She deciphers the truth well as she dances sharply, spinning hard but not in the way she's supposed to... it's almost as if she's trying to keep up.

She's supposed to be fierce, her swan is supposed to be overzealous, vain, and radiating confidence as if she's better than everyone yet as Jimin watches from behind the current with the other girls as she dances her solo, they can all tell something isn't right.

Her usual sharp features are lagging and she's out of breath. She seems dizzy and she misses her turns and spins and jumps and all too soon her song is ending and she's clearly upset as Ms. B glares at her from her spot in the audience.

The curtains are closing and she's crying and screaming as she blames everyone and everybody except herself.

"Wow Ms. B is going to be so upset, this is the first time I've seen Mina noona mess up so bad..." Jimin hears Jisoo mumble to him and Jennie yet he doesn't even know how to respond because he knows exactly why she messed up.

"That's what she gets, she doesn't deserve to get scouted anyways," Jennie scoffs, smoothing out her tight bun.

Jimin doesn't necessarily disagree with her yet he doesn't agree neither because no one deserves to go through what Mina is currently going through.

He can relate all too well on how she's feeling in this moment as she sobs and curses, her make up running and Jimin _still_ feels bad. Although she treats him _so_ fucking horrible he actually _pities_ her! She did _terrible_ yet there's no one else to blame but herself and all Jimin can wish for her is that she'll get better.

Hopefully one day she'll realize that what she's doing to herself will not conquer her goals and maybe today, after screwing up something so important, she'll realize.

Maybe not? Jimin's not sure and to be quite truthful he really doesn't care at this point because he himself, he's realized.

He's realized that to conquer his own goals he must believe in himself, and in his beauty and in his abilities. He must come first and so he keeps that mindset as he looks away from Mina, who still has the nerve to glare at him as if her failing is his fault, (which he knows for sure it's not) and steps out.

The last thing he heard is the girls, especially Jennie and Jisoo wishing him luck and then suddenly the music is sad and deep once again he's left in the dark.

He quickly finds his objective and he feels it, then suddenly he's dancing all by himself, face on and thinking of his old mindset that use to wish and hope he could look and be like everyone else.

He's not gonna lie anymore, he has wished he was a girl.

Comparing himself, a whole grown man, to other girls gets tiring and when he was under the control of Taeyang it was only harder because not only was he an unattractive man to himself then but he was also weak and now all those feeling are coming back and he remembers the times where he's wished he could be a girl just so he can be someone else and not under Taeyang.

So he could be pretty, and thin without people staring and giving him questioning eyes for not have muscle mass and instead pretty makeup and big sweaters to hide his true weight then and worse, the bruises he kept.

He's much better now, he doesn't hide himself and now the song is relating to him currently as the music suddenly grows. He's overcome so much about himself and though he's not done completely, he's still growing into this beautiful swan and he's dancing and spinning and all eyes are on him and everyone is gasping because _wow, is that boy -- that grown, beautiful and strong man -- on his points?_

_Yes._

And he feels it, he feels everything he's went through, all the pain is back but it doesn't hurt, all the memories he's suddenly going through, all the pain he's felt from the first day it ever started has finally diminished and he's dancing with passion, _so much passion_ as the music fills his ears so beautifully and then suddenly he's dropping.

And the cycle is over.

He's done it. He's overcome it. He overcome everything and he's blossomed and he'll never ever go back to how he was. No ones words can change how he feels in this moment and suddenly that sad duckling in no where to be found and _he's a swan, a beautiful -- GORGEOUS swan and he's smiling and he's twirling and everyone is cheering._

He can hear his friends, _they're so loud_ and he finds himself smiling harder and then he's making eye contact with Ms. B and she's shocked.

Absolutely stunned because he showed her.

He's shown everyone and suddenly its over before he knows it and he's back stage, trying to catch his breath as he's being tackled by hugs and cheers from the girls.

He's smiling so brightly because he's never felt so welcomed by them in his life. He's never felt like for once he's belonged with them and he still doesn't -- though he felts gratitude towards them for finally offering -- because he knows where he belongs, he belongs with his friends -- his _family._

They're waiting out for him and he's smiling, giggling graciously as he pulls away from the girls and attempts to make his way out to the front, now that the competition has finally ended.

Yet of course there's always someone that will try and stop him from ever being happy, even in a moment.

"Oh so you think you're better than me you piece of shit?"

Jimin truly doesn't want to go through this anymore. He doesn't want to hear her words or even see her because not only does she sound sick but she looks sick too.

Her make up is ruined, her bun is a mess, and just by looking at the stain on her shirt Jimin can tell she did it again.

"Mina please leave me alone and go get help, you really need help--"

"Leave you alone!? How can I leave you alone when you've taken everything from me!? You've ruined me! And I hate you! I hate you so fucking much! Why couldn't you just die?!"

She's screaming and everyone, including groups from other schools are staring at how crazy she's acting with wide eyes.

Everyone is seeing how she treats him and Jimin finally has had the courage to say he's had enough, yet he won't do it again and not because he's weak but just because she's not worth it.

She's not anything of his.

So he goes to walk away yet Mina is pushing him back hard and before he knows it his cheeks is thriving in pain.

He blinks, eyes wet as he hold his face shocked and not only because his face hurts but because he can't believe she actually just did that in front of everyone.

He's not even upset oddly -- not as he hears everyone gasp and scream and Ms. B's booming voice as she tells Mina she's _done._

"You're out! I will have none of that!"

Everyone is suddenly shouting and Jennie and Jisoo are by his side making sure he's okay and he assures them that he is, his smile has yet to drop and all he cares about is his family that are waiting for him.

He's not even thinking about awards or if he'll win, he simply just wants to see them and Jennie and Jisoo still seem worried, more so confused, but they let him go.

And then he's running, they're already waiting for him.

"Jiminie!" Taehyung is the first to see him come out the door into the audience room and soon enough they're all cheering and telling him how well he did, _how amazing he was._

"Chim Chim you did so well!" Taehyung hugs him tight, lifting him up and spinning until he's giggling.

"Yah Jimin ah I'm so proud of you!" Hoseok is the second to hug him, then there also waiting for him is Namjoon and Yoongi.

"Daebak! Jimin ah! You're amazing! You have to win first place!" Namjoon cheers, throwing an arm around him and messing his hair.

"Kudos kid, excellent as always," Yoongi also hugs him and Jimin thanks them all happily, his cheeks hurting from smiling so hard but then he's suddenly gasping.

"Dr. Young!?"

"Surprise! You did absolutely amazing Jimin ah! I told you, you could do it!"

Jimin's crying happy tears as he hugs her.

"Ah what am I going to do!? I'm a mess, do you see what you've done to me! Looking all beautiful out there dancing like that and what not!" Jin is crying too, hair a mess and nose running, Jimin can't help but to pout as he pulls away from Dr. Young to hug Jin.

"Hyung--"

"Don't hyung me you marvelous piece of art!"

Jimin giggles as Jin hugs him tightly and finally his eyes land on Jungkook who's giving a small smile, his eyes unreadable as always.

Jimin looks up at him hopefully and before he knows it Jungkook is pulls him in tightly.

_"Stunning. Absolutely stunning. You're unreal."_

And Jimin's hugging him tightly, thinking to himself that this is what feeling better feels like.

_This is him realizing._

Jungkook's one day happened to be today and Jimin's finally realized.

_*_

_*_   
_*_

"Congratulations to your team on second place and to you on winning first Jimin ah. I can't wait to work with you. Your teacher has told me you're an excellent student and dancer."

Jimin's surprised to hear that still even though after he won Ms. B had went on to him, still pretty monotonously, about how proud of him she was and how she expected him to win all along because his work ethic reminds her of herself.

Jimin had smiled at her, thanking her for teaching him, but once he walked away he couldn't help but to roll his eyes because he knows the truth. Sure, maybe he does remind her of herself yet he knows she never truly believed in him from the start.

"Thank you so much! I appreciate this opportunity so much you have no idea Taemin saseongnim!"

"Haha you're so cute, call me hyung."

Jimin's insides felt like they're were going to bust from the happiness he was feeling at getting scouting by one of the best male contemporary and ballet dancers to ever exist.

He looked up to Lee Taemin so much.

"O-Okay hyung! Thank you again and I'll see you next week!"

"Great!"

Jimin hangs up with the brightest smile, turning towards Jungkook who matches it.

They had just celebrated him winning first place and now Jimin is showered and all he wants to do is rest for a couples hundred years.

But Jungkook has other plans that Jimin has to say, he doesn't quite mind.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, how'd I ever get so lucky," he spoke gingerly, pulling Jimin towards him and hugging him tight.

Jimin giggles as Jungkook hovers over him, parting his legs to get into a comfortable cuddling position.

"I'm proud of you too... Jeon Jungookie Taekwondo featherweight representative of South Korea. I can't believe you're going to America soon, I'm going to miss you so much."

Jungkook raises his brow as he rests his chin on Jimin's chest. "Miss me? Why would you miss me if I plan on taking you with me?"

Jimin gasps. "No way but Jungkook ah those tickets are so expensive!"

"I know and I've been saving up because of it but today I found out I get to ride for free on a private plane with a limit of 10 guests. The organization is paying for all our things when we get there too," Jungkook says nonchalantly.

"Wah... that's... amazing," Jimin says stunned and Jungkook can't help but to snort.

"Baby you're going to be making big money in no time working with Taemin and you're shocked over a private plane?"

Jimin blinks, cheeks hot at the nickname.

"Well yeah...?"

Jungkook laughs a little, pecking his nose, then crinkling his own. "Can you believe I got this far without my parents?"

"Yes," Jimin answers quickly, running Jungkook's hair back as Jungkook scoots up closer. "Can you believe I made it this far?"

Jungkook nods surely, eyes serious as his own hand finds Jimin's messy hair. "Of course. You're so strong, you could do anything you want and I'll be right there besides you, along with the guys, cheering you on."

Jimin grins happily at that, then whispers, eyes gazing as if he can't come to terms with something. "Can you believe where together... _like this?_ I thought we'd never see each other ever again after I left... and sometimes I still feel like I'm dreaming. Like this is a dream come true."

Jungkook smirks, pecking him not one but twice, and both teasing yet full of adoration. Jimin giggles, hand holding Jungkook close against him by his nape.

"Well it is and not only for you but for me too and... think again hyung. Because we're here and we're together and this is forever."

_Forever._

For once Jimin isn't afraid of forever and he thinks as long as forever includes Jungkook and his friends then he'll be okay.

**an.**

**SO, that's it! This is the end and I'm actually really, really sad you guys probably have some idea if you're sad too lol! No but overall I am truly happy to get this story done with so I can move on to better, way better written stories haha -- yeah I'm throwing shade at my own story bc damn I was going through old chapters and YALL oowee I need to edit lmao. You can definitely see that not only has Jikook both grown but my writing has too haha.**

**Sadly there will be no sequel, maybe I'll do another plus chapter in Jungkook's point of view on him and his final fight but idk, I'm not gonna make any promises lol so just know Jungkook does win xD. This story is definitely longer than I intended it too be and I know y'all just wanted for this happy ending to get here soon so here it is and I hope it's happy enough for you guys! I'm so proud of both Jungkook and Jimin but especially Jimin! I can definitely say I've become attached to his character in my own story and I don't know how to feel about it lol. He definitely isn't like in real life Jimin at all but every time I look at in real life Jimin now I think of the Jimin I've made here somewhere in him lmfaooo idk it's weird! Okay I'm ranting stupidness now, haha! Thank you guys for reading this far and commenting and just showing me so much love if you have! I appreciate it so much and follow me to stay updated on any new works I might publish (hopefully very soon!)!!! I love you guys!**

**_Instagram: @/Jiminiebb or @/snatchims (this one is more like my spam lol)_ **

**_Twitter: @/snatchims (I'm trying to use it more okay! xD_ **


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